If you ever thought “I wish I felt better” or “I wish I was happier” then today’s episode may be just for you!
In today’s podcast we are joined by Andie Murphy who is here to help us improve our own mental well being. Too often people struggle mentally behind closed doors not realizing others are too.
Andie has gone through quite a transformation after her son has come of age. After raising a child, the question arose of “what next?”
Take a listen to Andie’s journey and see how you can apply some of this knowledge to yourself!
Reach out the Andie on Instagram @iamandiemurphy and at: andiemurphy.com.au
Transcript
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Jason Mefford: Well, you know i’m guessing that you’re like most people and you sit there, and you say you know what I wish I felt happier I wish I felt better.
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Jason Mefford: I wish you know that I had this mental well being that everybody’s talking about and I just feel well.
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Jason Mefford: Well, today we’re going to talk a little bit about that because, again it’s a basic human need we all want it and wouldn’t you like to learn how to do it.
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Jason Mefford: Well, the fact that you’re sitting here listening to this podcast means yet do so we’re going to get into it today because i’ve got my good friend Andy Murphy with me and we’re going to talk about that, and so, with that we’re going to jump right in and roll that episode.
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Jason Mefford: Alright Andy welcome my friend it’s.
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Jason Mefford: How are you today.
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Andie Murphy she/her: i’m really well, thank you Jason and very happy to be here, thank you.
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Jason Mefford: Well, you know it’s funny because we were talking, you know we’ll let let people in on a little bit of a secret We talked before we hit record right.
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Andie Murphy she/her: here.
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Jason Mefford: you’re just one of those people to that.
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Jason Mefford: was kind of divine intervention if you want to call it, of reaching out and us getting together today.
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Jason Mefford: You know you live in the same places in Australia, where my wife is from I mean there’s like so many connections that we had just talking beforehand.
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Jason Mefford: And also kind of about what you’re doing and how you’re helping people that were very aligned on.
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Jason Mefford: So I want to get in and talk about that so maybe just just give people a little you know snippet of who you are how you’re helping people, and then we can kind of jump in and talk a little bit more about what is this mental well being what is it, how do you what are you doing.
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Andie Murphy she/her: right kind of thing, so I can do that, and yes, I agree with you, I felt we were very aligned, and it was a really good opportunity for me so.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Obviously the exit is Australia.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And yeah I live in Victoria, which is you know main city of Melbourne and area which we call melvin’s playground, which is the morning and peninsula, and so I am you know in my early 50s and.
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Andie Murphy she/her: over my sort of the last couple of years i’ve been looking at where my life is going and what I want to do with it, and all that sort of thing.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And you know after raising a beautiful boy, and my son, on my own, since he was three months old and he’s almost 23.
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Andie Murphy she/her: When he kind of got to that 1718 year old age, I was like Okay, so now, what do I do you know what do I do i’ve been taking care of this gorgeous boy, all of this time, specifically very consciously from the time he was about 11 or 12 I really sort of threw myself into just him.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And while I was doing that I wasn’t taking care of my own well being and I thought I was, but I wasn’t because I was so busy.
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Andie Murphy she/her: focused on him and making sure he had everything he needed, and you know life was good for him and so along the way I got to you know, a journey through some really big stuff and.
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Andie Murphy she/her: The biggest thing that I realized I needed early on in my life was support around my mental well being and I hadn’t been receiving that, and so I went and source it myself and I did that, through joining an ashram first and.
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Andie Murphy she/her: spent five years in there and took my son with me and then I took him with me on that journey, I should say you know, and then I went so I became a real yogi and got very much into yoga and meditation and all that sort of thing which definitely supports our our mental well being.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And then I became a yoga teacher and the other meditation teacher, including and i’m a yoga teacher, where I can support.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Women will all young girls that have been through trauma, so its cultural mat yoga and it’s about integrating that yoga into people’s lives, so that they can get back in touch with their body, because the Torah is trapped in the body so anyway, all of that work kind of led me into.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Wherever I am now in my job i’m a health promotion practitioner for a big public hospital and but my hands are quite tired and i’m like.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Still, not the right place for me, so I decided to join a group which is how I met you Jason and we have been fortunate enough to have a mentor that has taught us so much about life and.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And how we look at ourselves and how we have that choice and that ability to look at ourselves and yet we still don’t anyway, so that got me back into my coaching because I actually was a certified life coach 18 years ago.
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Jason Mefford: wow so you know early well early on, you were actually doing some coaching okay.
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Andie Murphy she/her: I knew growing up, I knew I was kind of different and there was something there that was bigger than that than I am.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And I hadn’t tapped into that because growing up, there was a lot of Depression and anxiety in my life and also.
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Andie Murphy she/her: That I had an issue with addiction, I was you know substance abuse with a recreational drug user I was.
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Andie Murphy she/her: You know, alcohol user and and and with that came food bingeing and also came sex addictions, and things like that, so that I had a very addictive personality which really all it did was numb.
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Andie Murphy she/her: All the stuff that i’ve been so fortunate to look at now it’s like whoa what’s in this bag you’re right okay let’s dive into that show.
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Andie Murphy she/her: You know and there’s a yoga saying in yoga no mud know Lotus you got to get down dirty and deep.
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Jason Mefford: And then.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And you shine yeah and so that’s where my journey has got me to right now and.
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Andie Murphy she/her: When my son finally moved down a home, I really saw how much energy and time I had put into him and had really neglected myself on many levels relationship wise I haven’t had a relationship for a very long time.
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Andie Murphy she/her: You know where I live, how I live all that sort of thing because I wanted to make sure he had what he needed and.
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Andie Murphy she/her: You know, I was quite happy to have the any depressants or the anxiety tablets, whichever way you want to look at it to suppress the the anxiety that was their way function through life I was always called a functioning addict.
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Andie Murphy she/her: I can hold a job, I was capable raising a child, I was capable of living, you know managing a home.
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Andie Murphy she/her: capable of having you know conversations and relationships, etc, etc, but everything that I was doing was behind closed doors of the nighttime kind of thing, so to speak, and if, for you know it was like.
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Andie Murphy she/her: The next day, the the you know that wake up of oh my God i’ve had too much to drink or have had too much to spend.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Too much to smoke pot, or whatever like that and i’m like when I do now, and you go you carry that hanging over and that regrets and that shame and that guilt into.
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Andie Murphy she/her: The day which becomes more than one day which becomes more than one week, etc, etc, you know, and you just find yourself in this vicious cycle.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And life was cut I was sucking my life out of myself, because I wasn’t taking notice of what I really, really need it wasn’t listening to my body I wasn’t asking my body, what does it need.
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Andie Murphy she/her: I was just allowing myself to live in, really, really bad habits have really bad behavior sort of thing, and so I needed to really change that so that change in all that really came about in the last three years, but, more specifically, in the last 12 months.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And so, when I work with my clients, which are women, because I look at the women as.
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Andie Murphy she/her: We are harder on ourselves than anybody else in any I feel like we are there any other species, this is my experience, obviously, clearly, on the one that I can say that.
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Andie Murphy she/her: i’m allowed to say that because i’m speaking from oh yeah that’s actually been.
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Andie Murphy she/her: So we are really, really hard on ourselves, and we push ourselves to the limit.
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Andie Murphy she/her: You know, we take care of everybody around us, it could be small children could be animals, it could be elderly parents, it could be work colleagues it doesn’t it doesn’t matter.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Who we’re taking care of which is taking care of everything else but ourselves, you know, and I just got goosebumps because this is just so freaking important to me because it’s so real and.
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Andie Murphy she/her: It sort of says to me, you know when we take that time and stop and put ourselves first, which is what I have done now life completely changes.
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Jason Mefford: Well, this is, this is one where.
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Jason Mefford: We get we gotta dig into this because.
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Jason Mefford: there’s so much of what you just said, there is.
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Jason Mefford: What we all experience okay so so I want to kind of unpack a little bit of this and then and then dig in deeper on some of these because you know again your experience as a woman.
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Jason Mefford: single mom.
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Jason Mefford: raising a beautiful boy.
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Jason Mefford: You know this is so typical of of many women right right.
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Jason Mefford: yeah you know you you you bring this new life into the world you spend the next 20 something years you know caring for this this other human and so much of the time women to collect themselves right because they’re just putting everything into the child right.
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Jason Mefford: Right so that’s kind of the female perspective, the male perspective is a little bit different.
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Jason Mefford: But it but it’s similar.
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Jason Mefford: Right is instead of you know as a dad instead of necessarily you know pouring everything into my kids because my wife at the time was doing that.
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Jason Mefford: I was pouring my everything into earning money providing and so.
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Jason Mefford: You know, especially at the earlier parts of our lives we’re we’re all kind of giving giving giving giving giving to everybody else, whether it’s to our career to our family and then you and I wake up in midlife and we’re like what the Fuck just happened.
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Jason Mefford: And so it is it’s one of those where.
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Jason Mefford: what’s what’s what’s funny is is where you said here, at the end that you’ve got to put yourself first so.
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Jason Mefford: I want to come back to that because I want to go into that more because.
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Jason Mefford: So many people.
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Jason Mefford: think that selfish.
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Jason Mefford: Yes, and we’re going to get.
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Jason Mefford: And what.
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Jason Mefford: sona and it’s but, but I wanted to back up a little bit too because of some of the stuff that you talked before about with the depression, anxiety.
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Jason Mefford: addictive behavior as well, because I think again, this is it’s an elephant in the room for a lot of people that we just got to talk about and we got to share so that people realize it’s okay to talk about this.
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Jason Mefford: yeah and maybe why we’re doing what we’re doing right.
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Andie Murphy she/her: it’s so true because when I set in a doctor surgery, I remember this conversation with a doctor five or six years ago and his words were you are.
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Andie Murphy she/her: struggling silently you are our biggest concerns those of you that struggle behind closed doors and don’t come forward.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And that goose bump that really hit a chord with me online oh my God, of course.
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Andie Murphy she/her: They will be so many and that could be it could look like nurses, especially in this day and age Jason with what this world has turned into last two years, nurses, first responders you know or teachers, you know.
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Andie Murphy she/her: they’re all still human they also put most of them productive will be parents trying to navigate all of that, at the same time, and so they hired all this kind of behind closed doors and i’m not saying those people, specifically that they’re doing that, but it’s just it it showed me.
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Andie Murphy she/her: how important this work is and how important it is for me to be you know, to reduce re release my shame and guilt around whatever I have around those tags.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And then just go fact that I need to speak up right now, because, if anything, the last two years have told us.
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Andie Murphy she/her: We have to look after ourselves whether we believe in it agree with it whatever it doesn’t matter as in what’s happened, the last two years, we still have to look after ourselves, because if we don’t somebody else is going to control it.
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Jason Mefford: well.
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Jason Mefford: yeah and that’s that’s why I want to go here because, like you said you know releasing the shame and guilt.
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Jason Mefford: yeah you know again we’re a small population but both of us.
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Jason Mefford: have gone through what you’ve been talking about and i’m guessing that 80 to 90% of the people that are listening to this are going through the same thing.
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Jason Mefford: Right right so for you, it showed up, I mean I love that that term you know the functioning addict.
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Jason Mefford: yeah but you know people you know the reason why you were doing that I heard you use the word numbing.
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Jason Mefford: That you were trying to numb.
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Andie Murphy she/her: yourself correct.
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Andie Murphy she/her: failings not not like avoid myself and not look at what I needed to get for myself to be thriving I was surviving I was actually white knuckling surviving.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Like I wasn’t even really surviving you know, and none of us need to do that we all are worthy and earn this thriving of life.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And I think that’s really important when you really get that it’s like oh yeah Okay, I actually do, and that that is not selfish, in fact, is not self it is selfish if we don’t do it because we are still.
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Andie Murphy she/her: mentors parents, teachers, whatever we are of the younger the younger people that if we don’t teach them how can we say to them take care of yourself if we’re not taking care of ourselves.
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Andie Murphy she/her: You know and small age children, maybe counts as well and they’re also at the most vulnerable part of a life, so the work that I do with women is going to pave a better journey or a better future for their children when they get their shit together like i’ve done.
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Andie Murphy she/her: After college together.
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Jason Mefford: Well, I think this idea of struggling behind closed doors right because I I did this myself you’ve done this yourself as well, and I think you know you use the word shame and guilt.
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Jason Mefford: Yes, well right, so you know, I was the same way, I was on depression or you know medicine, I had high blood pressure, I was.
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Jason Mefford: putting up a brave face at work and with everybody around me, but I have my shit together right in the dark, and so you know how many people actually deal with that where again they’re putting on this brave face but inside they’re dying.
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Jason Mefford: And so they so they go home and.
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Jason Mefford: They want to numb and there’s different ways that different people numb right.
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Jason Mefford: It could be you know.
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Jason Mefford: Drug alcohol violence, sexual addiction.
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Jason Mefford: Anger gambling.
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Jason Mefford: You know there’s all of these different different things that you can do right where again it’s like you know i’m sure everybody listening at some point, you know if you drink alcohol, you probably said at some point man, I need a drink.
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Jason Mefford: yeah man, I need a drink.
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Jason Mefford: yeah and especially with that substance right i’ve always.
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Jason Mefford: been good about being able to control mice myself just for just from my standpoint, but it was because I tell myself, I want to drink, but why do I want the drink.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Correct yeah.
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Jason Mefford: If I want to drink because i’m trying to avoid something, then I won’t let myself drink.
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Jason Mefford: yeah right I won’t let myself escape because of that.
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Jason Mefford: Where a lot of people do right and again that’s where a lot of times alcohol abuse comes into it.
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Jason Mefford: it’s I think that would that was kind of your experience or sounded like right away, and then you wake up the next day and you’re like Why am I so hung over Why did I do that to myself.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Right it’s like oh my God i’m so stressed, give me a drink oh my God i’m so stressed, give me a cigarette like they add to anxiety they don’t support it in any way, shape or form it doesn’t matter who you are.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Alcohol or even even write down a cigarette the way to fix the body, it does not.
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Andie Murphy she/her: suppress our anxiety, it puts extra stress on our body, so therefore the anxieties shifts from a emotional mental feeling to a physical.
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Andie Murphy she/her: So we’re just shifting the goalpost for less aziza have football.
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Andie Murphy she/her: I do, I do love some aussie rules, I do like American football, but I do love some other years to.
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Andie Murphy she/her: My son is a very, very good player So there you go.
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Jason Mefford: Oh, I was gonna say you know, but you know again just to because i’m sure again i’ve been there you’ve been there, people that are listening to this are probably on there too, but.
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Jason Mefford: there’s kind of an embarrassment that goes along with it.
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Jason Mefford: Which which I think is one of the reasons why we.
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Jason Mefford: We try to do it behind closed doors So how do, how do we get past that right, I mean maybe part of its just talking about it, like we’re talking about it but.
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Jason Mefford: How do you help people realize it’s Okay, and you don’t have to do it behind closed doors, everybody else is doing it too right and how do we, how do we change it, so you come out come out of the closet I know that goes along with something else but.
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Andie Murphy she/her: that’s I agree with you there yeah.
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Jason Mefford: yeah.
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Andie Murphy she/her: it’s like I remember when I really needed to do this was when someone would say how are you and I went please don’t ask me that just let me know how you are instead.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Because I was a sort of person that I don’t want to lie with a not a good liar so I don’t like lying and I won’t lie and i’m very authentic so I was like i’d have to answer that really honestly and you don’t have the time for that.
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Jason Mefford: unload on you.
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Andie Murphy she/her: you’re ready.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And also insane that.
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Andie Murphy she/her: I will also add just quickly first that psychology and psychiatry and psychotherapy and all those sorts of things, I was in that those certain you know those those rooms for many, many, many, many years but they kept me in my story.
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Andie Murphy she/her: I kept repeating repeating repeating what was happening for me and it wasn’t supporting me to shift it so then with coaching it’s completely different because.
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Andie Murphy she/her: i’m not a trained psychologist psychologist psychotherapist I don’t even pretend to be that.
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Andie Murphy she/her: But I am a coach and I am a woman that has experienced all this, so the way that we work through getting ourselves out there is wanting to look at it, first we have to like I had to make the decision.
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Andie Murphy she/her: I need to look at this and then, once if I did, that who and where do I get support that’s that suits me and provides me with exactly what I need so I can continue to work in my life, while I heal.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Because you know that’s the functioning part of it i’ve got to keep functioning people, but I gotta heal at the same time and then i’m really the heel who’s going to help me do that.
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Andie Murphy she/her: You know just add another job to go down list yet it’s kind of like it’s like we become overwhelmed with it, so what I the work that I do with women is.
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Andie Murphy she/her: I we step through a program together and the program is something that I have been taught myself so i’m not teaching anyone’s like that or I haven’t experienced or I don’t know anything about so it’s kind of like you know.
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Andie Murphy she/her: What stories are we telling ourselves that create this anxiety or that creative and wellness score and well being or non well being because well being.
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Andie Murphy she/her: is both mental and emotional it’s not just mental and it’s not just emotional if you have good mental well being you have good emotional well being.
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Andie Murphy she/her: If you have good emotional well being you have good mental well being it’s not either or it’s together it’s the same, and so, when we look at.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Our environments, that are not healthy to us like is it a work environment, do we really want to be in that job or is it a relationship environment, do we really want to be in that relationship or you know.
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Andie Murphy she/her: The home environment how am I living, am I living this because someone told me this is all I can be, all I can do, or I can live in.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Or am I doing it because I want to do it, you know, am I, the one that’s judging myself too hard, my answer was.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Absolutely, if I can, yes, I was the biggest and hardest judge on me, no one can judge me any more or any harder than I heard orange on myself, you know i’m sure there’s so many people out there that know that when I say that.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And so, then it mean what language, am I saying to myself, and you know.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Is it nurturing or am I, putting myself down or letting other people around me put me down, like everything was was kind of like it’s like soul crushing.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And, therefore.
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Andie Murphy she/her: When we shift out of that space and we say stop it, or no more or whatever it words, we want to choose and you go.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And we start to look at what is important to me, what is important to you.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And then we can dive into what are your values like like is his health your top value great how’s your health she house wife, she has an overweight and I need properly i’m stressed blah blah okay so then for health isn’t your top value, yes it is blue copy.
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Jason Mefford: Or you wouldn’t be.
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All of it.
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Andie Murphy she/her: yeah yeah and you know is freedom a top value yeah, so why you time yourself in knots and not giving yourself any space you’re running around looking after everybody, have you got supposed to be, you know where’s your fruit and city.
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Andie Murphy she/her: So it kind of to me it’s about working through those things it’s around you know, putting in boundaries Okay, as an example, I drink, seven days a week, my first boundary is i’ll reduce that.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Because just go from one to 100 because we know it’s not going to work, we have to step through this process, and there is no right or wrong way about it it’s a case of.
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Andie Murphy she/her: listening to what we will I you know i’ll talked about what I want, what does my body what is my mind what is my emotional.
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Andie Murphy she/her: needs well my emotional needs like what is my heart saying, am I living my dharma my last purpose is dharma so am I living my dharma no.
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Andie Murphy she/her: i’m working for somebody else and who has major restrictions on how I work because of the type of work, it is well I can do better than that and do bigger than that so that’s you know for me how I stepped into this coaching life of mine as well, so.
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Andie Murphy she/her: it’s Okay, for us to say we need to jump ship here, because this is where we need to go.
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Andie Murphy she/her: You know just because someone said, you must have a job and you must work, really, really hard like really.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Follow matt.
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Jason Mefford: Those are all stories that we’ve been told right.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Correct correct and they start from they are tribal so I have come up through generations and they you know, specifically i’m a.
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Andie Murphy she/her: I think i’m a baby Boomer child my folks are called the baby boomers that generation was really, really hard working.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Not saying generations before that worked, but it was different and there was so many you know, access to so much more in their life and then look at us now and technology on the god don’t get me started, but you know.
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Andie Murphy she/her: It was drilled into them from their fans from their parents that you had to work, really, really hard you had to succeed, you have to go to school, you have to go to college, you have to do, blah blah blah it’s like I can say.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Because you don’t have to do all of that you don’t have to do anything you do not want to do, and I mean that from Detroit auntie and be a bit rebellious like it was because that’s a little I was an exceptionally rebellious 16 year old there’s.
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Andie Murphy she/her: No doubt about that i’m talking about I don’t have to do what you’re saying, because that’s not who I am I am the person that wants to support in this way or wants to live in this particular way.
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Andie Murphy she/her: I want to take care of my children, but I want my freedom as well, I want to work, but I want to have my own business.
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Andie Murphy she/her: You know I want a beautiful home, but I can be anywhere I want it doesn’t have to be on a cliff top you know, in the middle of Sydney or Melbourne away.
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Andie Murphy she/her: It can be in the country, it can be whatever it needs to be it could be a shack on a beautiful book land surrounded by trees it’s choice and our choice is so important, like choices, one of my highest values obviously freedom is.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Well, being is my top value, but you know.
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Andie Murphy she/her: learning how to put ourselves first and filling our own Cup is the only way we’re going to survive, and we are entitled to it because well being is vital to our life force.
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Jason Mefford: Well, I think it’s interesting because if we if we touch on a little bit of what you were talking about there because, especially since you’re you’re dealing with women.
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Jason Mefford: You know, and again.
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Jason Mefford: Men that are listening, this relates to us to okay.
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Jason Mefford: more intelligent relates to make right, I mean and i’ve gone through and experience a lot of the same stuff it’s just in different ways.
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Jason Mefford: Right, but where where for women and, again, as you were talking, I was just sitting there thinking How ironic, is this.
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Jason Mefford: Right so so you know we’ll just take you as an example.
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Jason Mefford: right because again what you’re what you’re talking about i’m guessing.
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Jason Mefford: it’s what you’ve gone through and it’s it’s what you’ve worked through and that’s why you’re helping people right So if I if i’m putting the wrong words in your mouth here then slap me and we’ll go but, but what.
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Jason Mefford: I know you will, I know you.
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Jason Mefford: REACH, right to the Internet and slap me.
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Jason Mefford: what’s interesting you know, because as as a mother right is in, and you even use the word beautiful boy you love your son right.
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Jason Mefford: And you have done everything you can.
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Jason Mefford: Right i’m sure to you know raise him up to help him feel good about himself to talk to him in a way, so that he can be successful.
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Jason Mefford: And and what’s what’s funny is, you know as we were talking about some of this addictive personality, or the some of the things that a lot of times we’re in the in the shadows behind the doors.
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Jason Mefford: They you know i’m sure you were this way and i’m sure, a lot of other people this way you were.
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Jason Mefford: You were probably the supermom.
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Jason Mefford: To everybody in the neighborhood.
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Jason Mefford: Right.
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Andie Murphy she/her: I was, and then you get home.
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Jason Mefford: You still got the Cape affair.
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Jason Mefford: supermom.
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Jason Mefford: Right so so you go out, you know all all the other ladies in the neighborhood they saw you know you’re a supermom your son is awesome you come home you put him to bed in your life.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Right point and you’re like give me the bottle give me the whatever I just I can’t take this anymore i’ve got an amount.
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Jason Mefford: yeah you know and and you finish your day that way you get up in the morning, a little hung over, but you put on your Superman Cape again.
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Jason Mefford: And you go out and you do it, and the next day you come back and you’re a little bit more tired than you were before and so maybe you drink a little bit more than you did the night before whatever right.
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Jason Mefford: yeah but it starts it starts in this pattern and then like you said you know that we.
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Jason Mefford: When we’re doing that and behind the closed doors that’s when the guilt and shame usually comes in.
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Jason Mefford: high, and so I can only imagine the kinds of things that you were saying to yourself that you never would have said to your son.
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Jason Mefford: I like to me, this is what is so ironic is.
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Jason Mefford: All the the super moms that are saying, everything that needs to be said to their child and yet they’re shooting themselves in the foot they’re killing themselves they’re sucking their own energy out.
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Jason Mefford: By how hard they are on themselves and the guilty and the shaming, and the shadow what it could is all the stuff that’s going on, that is depleting you.
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Jason Mefford: Right, so not only are you are you giving everything to your your son or your family or whatever it is that people are giving to but you’re taking the rest of you away.
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Jason Mefford: yeah by you know talking shitty to yourself.
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Jason Mefford: At the end of the day is such a place.
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Andie Murphy she/her: exhaustion is so underrated so so underrated like you know as you were saying all that that was exhausting for me hearing it because i’m like.
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Jason Mefford: Oh, my.
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Jason Mefford: God.
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Andie Murphy she/her: That is so true and I also thought of you know it doesn’t have to even be a substance, there are some moms and women out there that don’t drink at all, but they work themselves to exhaustion.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And then they get up and do it again.
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Andie Murphy she/her: So it’s still the cycle of not being well because there is some form of guilt or shame or judgment sitting within them thinking i’ve got to work this hard.
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Andie Murphy she/her: To achieve what I need to achieve for my family, you know for my work colleagues, whatever it is, and so exhaustion the more exhausted I got the more exhausted I got.
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Andie Murphy she/her: yeah to end right down to overnight and up having sleep deprivation and I had that for like five years, and you can’t make that shit up in like time.
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Andie Murphy she/her: You can’t do it, it is gone gone gone gone, even if I went to sleep for the next six months it’s still gone, it will never replace all of that that time.
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Andie Murphy she/her: What we do now and go is we stop beating ourselves up, we would, it would be chuck classes child abuse about some of the stuff we do to ourselves as adults.
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Andie Murphy she/her: mentally physically and emotionally literally would be classed as challenges in one sense, because we would not treat our children, the way we treat ourselves.
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Andie Murphy she/her: You wouldn’t even think about it would even dream about doing it, and yet there’s an inner child within every single one of us that screaming for us to say hello i’m here hug me love me nurture me put me first please kind of stuff so.
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Andie Murphy she/her: You know, to me.
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Jason Mefford: and go in there okay so just again to kind of summarize or analogies this for people so.
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Jason Mefford: What you’re really saying right is a lot of people are being super mom super dad to their physical kids but they’re actually abusing their own inner child.
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Jason Mefford: To the point that if you were to do the same things to a physical child social services would probably come and grab you and take your child away from you.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Correct absolutely, without a doubt, and yet, and I know that’s a really harsh thing to say, because I do know, an honor and respect, there are a lot of.
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Andie Murphy she/her: There is a lot of abuse in this world that is physically occurring for people so we’re not we can make it clear we’re not talking about that right now we’re talking about.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Those of us that are doing this to ourselves and not and we can be so much more and so much better than what we are doing so much better so much more or who we are, from our core from our heart when we stop doing that to ourselves.
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Andie Murphy she/her: yeah it’s so there’s you know we are mindful of of the trauma and that can other people experience, this is not what this is about this is not what we’re talking about here, this is different.
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Jason Mefford: Well it’s kind of the you know again because everybody’s you know if you’re listening, you might be thinking well I don’t do that right well.
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Jason Mefford: Have you ever told yourself a hole that was stupid Jason yeah I say that way more than I still should right, I mean i’m aware of it and i’m stopping it.
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Jason Mefford: But we all end up saying things to ourselves that we wouldn’t normally say to other people so so, how does this, you know, putting yourself first and kind of.
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Jason Mefford: You know, getting back to living from your purpose sort of thing, so how does this look, I mean I know you kind of said look there’s gotta be some awareness about it right first off like we got to kind of wake up so again.
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Jason Mefford: You know some of you listening, this may be your wake up call right.
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Jason Mefford: yeah The second thing you kind of talked about was finding support this suit you.
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Jason Mefford: sell as well too so maybe let’s talk a little bit about that, because I think I think that’s interesting you know there’s there’s a lot of different.
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Jason Mefford: modalities there’s a lot of different people.
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Jason Mefford: That are doing certain things there’s going, and it seems like that.
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Jason Mefford: Certain things would resonate with certain people right, I mean so So how do you how do you kind of go about or or do that and I guess to realize that not everybody has to do the same thing.
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Jason Mefford: Because same thing won’t work for everybody i’m guessing.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Absolutely, I think I can tell you a little secret well, maybe it’s not really a secret, this is heavy on podcast but I remember going to one of my Skype call ology sessions stoned.
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Jason Mefford: yeah that was probably a fun session for him, that it was a him.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And I went to this session stone because I wanted to test his ability to understand me and no.
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Andie Murphy she/her: He did not know, I was stoned and I can confirm this, because the following week was always seeing him we click this stage.
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Andie Murphy she/her: I said so, how did you think like I actually asked him about a lot, the last session we had this is a blah blah blah you’re a bit kind of all over the shop I said I was stoned.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And he said oh.
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Andie Murphy she/her: He said no, you went I go, yes, I was.
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Jason Mefford: No, I made sure I was done before.
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Andie Murphy she/her: I do that for you on purpose, because that was the rebellious feel that I was back then, you know and i’m talking like that was.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Over 20 years ago but anyway, the point I was making back then was, and I think that was our last session to after I confirm with him, but he didn’t know.
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Andie Murphy she/her: He got it.
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Andie Murphy she/her: yeah I don’t think i’m the right person to you.
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Andie Murphy she/her: But anyway, so it is a trial and error, we do have to go there is a space where you know you go through all these different times, where you’re trying out different things I guess what i’m saying to people who are have not tried coaching then to think about this and then.
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Andie Murphy she/her: If you’re like okay as an exam for me, you would you would go and look at my way instagram page on my website on my Facebook page etc you’ve listened to this this podcast that i’ve got with you Jason and you go Okay, I am.
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Andie Murphy she/her: connecting with your energy or i’m connecting with what you’re saying I will do at least a you know.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Private message or a call out to me in some way and that’s how we would begin to to sort of see where the where the right fit because I also only want people that are coachable you need to be in a space where you are ready to make change and then prepared to make those changes.
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Andie Murphy she/her: You know I do that through a 12 week Program.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And we look and dive really deep i’m a really deep it’s interesting you said, I think you said to me earlier in the podcast let’s dive deep and like I just did a post about that.
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Andie Murphy she/her: A couple days ago.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Because I am I am a deep person I work at a deep level and I like working from that level, not a lot of people do and that’s Okay, because it’s really uncomfortable and you got to get really fucking run vulnerable, and you know tears and excuse me but snot bubbles.
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Andie Murphy she/her: They come with it.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Is that is the look because that’s how we clear it all out and make space for what we’re about to do and so it’s learning to put in a new relationship with ourselves it’s learning to honor ourselves and it’s learning to decide.
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Andie Murphy she/her: To decide and choose what’s possible for me So what is it that I really, really want some people might not know their dharma at the beginning of the program, but I can guarantee you at the end of the program they do.
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Andie Murphy she/her: yeah and it’s sort of like we will go through it together we take them through step by step, we start with building the Foundation, so we start to look at what what has got us to where we are.
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Andie Murphy she/her: We look at the stories and we don’t we’re not telling those stories anymore we’re just going to reprogram them.
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Andie Murphy she/her: we’re going to change that story right now I don’t want to know any more story because it’s going to keep you there, and if you want to keep telling a story i’m not the right person.
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Andie Murphy she/her: So you know if you want to do that, then that’s you know that’s what that become to me, so the thing and.
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Andie Murphy she/her: We would then once we’ve worked out the foundations and we’ve worked at this what we who you want to be, and the values that you have and what boundaries, because you know a lot of us put boundaries in place, but then we let them move.
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Andie Murphy she/her: You know, and then all of a sudden those boundaries have gone we’re gonna bring them back.
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Andie Murphy she/her: We don’t get to catch them, let them go again we’re going to bring them back so if we’re sick of that yo yo.
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Andie Murphy she/her: performance that we do, then this is the sort of work that you’re going to want to do, and you know I call it, we build those foundations, and then we up level the shit out of those foundations, and what that means is that we grow into that new what is possible phase.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And then we get to live from that new possibility in the in the third phase.
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Jason Mefford: So let’s see I mean it’s it’s a you know, this is one of those things where, as I.
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Jason Mefford: You know i’ve done a lot of training over times i’ve written books i’ve done a lot of you know I got podcasts and other stuff and then and there’s there’s so many people that think you can just take a pill.
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Jason Mefford: yeah and everything is fixed.
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Jason Mefford: You know which which actually I mean that wasn’t meaning it to be that way, but that really ties back into our addiction.
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Jason Mefford: yeah issues.
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Jason Mefford: That we were talking about before right is that so much of the time, we want to feel well.
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yeah.
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Jason Mefford: But it takes work to feel well right for most people would be nope just give me a drink just give me a pill just give me a whatever right.
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Jason Mefford: And then i’m going to feel good, well, you will temporarily right but, just like what you’re talking about I mean what you typically run people through from a coaching program is 12 weeks right that’s three months now, you and I both know there’s a reason for that.
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Jason Mefford: Because most transformation doesn’t come.
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Jason Mefford: Until you get to the 60 to 90 day frame and that’s again because of the way that we’re programmed it’s it takes us that long to get rid of some habits and develop new habits and that’s really when you start to see the change, most people give up long before they ever get to that point.
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Andie Murphy she/her: So day 14 or 21.
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Jason Mefford: is usually that’s usually where it is because I don’t know how many times i’ve.
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Jason Mefford: worked with people.
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Jason Mefford: And i’ve given them a tool right and they go away and they’re like man, the first two weeks and I was doing really great and then all of a sudden, I just stopped doing it.
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Jason Mefford: yeah I told you that was gonna happen didn’t I.
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Jason Mefford: yeah well yeah but I didn’t believe yeah well.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And that’s the thing in the program that I do I don’t tell you what’s going to happen that they don’t do it, I tell you what’s going to happen if you do do it.
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Andie Murphy she/her: yeah so we keep focusing forward.
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Andie Murphy she/her: yeah, and so it is you know this subconscious transformation is huge, we have to go into that level, because most of us don’t realize that we are operating subconsciously.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Because that’s where the beliefs, that you and I knew and I both know that, with all the work we’ve done but so it’s about.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Report literally reprogramming it’s like taking that disc out of there and putting that disc into them instead it’s like your update your windows on your computer for those of us that still have PCs not like you, that has a MAC obviously Jason which we let this morning.
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Jason Mefford: When I was 11 I can’t help you i’m sorry.
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Andie Murphy she/her: People and I couldn’t work it out.
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Andie Murphy she/her: So it’s like we upgrade that we upgrade our car or we upgrade our clothes, or you know it it’s kind of like we need to upgrade our our mind.
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Andie Murphy she/her: You know our hearts are are in one place in our mind is in the other and then there’s the gut and we all know that all three are connected and a lot of us, you know there’s that fight flight there’s that.
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Andie Murphy she/her: intuition is, you know that gut feeling, etc, those are the ones you need to listen to and the heart relates very, very well with that.
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Andie Murphy she/her: The little should he be machine up the top the mind it goes no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no i’m here hello, let me keep feeding you full of shit.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Let me keep beating you down and the other two got it kind of gave up on it a bit for a little while until they all kind of align and then it’s sort of like now we’re going to listen to the heart now, and when you listen to the heart that goes oh my God, this is so good.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Because it’s the expansion that you feel it’s if there’s a conflict of physical connection in the body.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And then the little itty bitty brushing up top go on, but but, but like yeah sorry you’re gone.
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Jason Mefford: Well, and I think it’s you know I think it’s interesting as your as your you know kind of going through this and saying this because you know we started off at the beginning kind of talking, you know about your paths and the.
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Jason Mefford: The transition that you’ve made and how you know what you’ve gone through is similar to what i’ve gone through and what other this that we know, have gone through as well right and that.
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Jason Mefford: So much of the time we’re giving giving giving giving giving.
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Jason Mefford: beating up on ourselves behind the closed doors right but showing up with a brave face to the public, all the time and then, when the doors closed or people go away.
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Jason Mefford: We kind of figuratively beat up ourselves and beat up on ourselves, over and over again right.
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Jason Mefford: And it’s you know this, this process that you’re kind of talking about and going through you know I want to make sure as we’re kind of wrapping up here that people because we talked about a lot of stuff.
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Andie Murphy she/her: yeah we can.
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Jason Mefford: I know, so I know we’ve got to get back to our days, people got to get back to their days, but I wanted to kind of summarize a little bit some of this stuff too, because you know, this is what we’ve been talking about is a cycle.
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Jason Mefford: That, I would say 70 to 80% of the people, probably go through in their daily life.
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Jason Mefford: And so, as you’re listening to this you’re hearing sure like man that sounds like my day that sounds like my week right.
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Jason Mefford: So first off right well, the only way to change first off, you have to become aware of it.
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Jason Mefford: And so, if this is an awareness, for you and you want to do something different than start doing something different right, I mean that’s that’s the whole purpose but but it’s it’s you know again about you know, realizing that there doesn’t have to be any shame or guilt around it.
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Andie Murphy she/her: No, because exist.
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Jason Mefford: No, because you’re not.
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Jason Mefford: you’re not the end you’re not the only ones going through this so.
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Jason Mefford: that’s the whole thing with you know mental illness versus mental well being right that you’re talking about is we’re so afraid to talk about it.
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Jason Mefford: But it’s okay to talk about it and there’s people like Andy that you can talk about it, too, and she knows you’re not crazy you’re just human.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Because if you’re crazy I am too right.
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Jason Mefford: So um I guess right, but you know.
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Andie Murphy she/her: If we don’t look after our mental well being, we will end up with mental health issues and that’s.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Not even now i’m not it is not my jam i’m not even going to pretend, I know how to help you through that because that’s not who I am but 70% people will remain staying and living as they are right now and 30%.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Absolutely willing to have that to make that change and you and I Jason a part of that 30% which i’m just saying there’s a few more of us out there.
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Andie Murphy she/her: come along and join us, because you know this, I support you, through this program the hallway there are tools we stop and start when we need to their support there’s one on one calls there’s all this sort of thing it’s built around what you need.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And that’s how I support you so that’s you know I think that’s a really important thing to add in at the end of this because i’m.
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Andie Murphy she/her: You know, but especially I really liked it when you said that 70% 30% before it made me think of that so yeah.
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Jason Mefford: Well, and you know, again, I mean if if in talking today if Andy resonates with you reach out to her, I mean that’s that’s the whole purpose of this if she doesn’t.
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Jason Mefford: that’s okay too right but but, but the important thing is reach out to someone and start trying to do something different, because if not, two years from now, five years from now you’re going to wake up again, like most of us at midlife do and go what the Fuck just happened.
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Jason Mefford: Right yeah.
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Jason Mefford: So, once you have that awareness just have the courage to actually reach out and ask for help you don’t have to be embarrassed about it because chances are whoever you reach out to.
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Jason Mefford: they’re dealing with the same shit that you are, and when you tell them that you’re struggling they’re going to go oh my gosh, thank you for telling me that because i’m dealing with the same stuff.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Exactly and there’s nothing you can say is going to scare us.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Because we’ve done it or heard it ourselves.
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Jason Mefford: yeah yeah.
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Jason Mefford: yeah so no This is great Andy Thank you.
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Jason Mefford: For people that want to reach out to you how’s the best way for people to get Ahold of you.
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Andie Murphy she/her: yep I have an instagram and which is, I am andi Murphy.
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Andie Murphy she/her: And my Facebook page is andi Murphy my website is still a little bit yoga orientated it’s shifting I have to just finish the content there but it’s andi murphy.com au.
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Jason Mefford: OK, and a mooc.
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Jason Mefford: murphy.com dot.
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Jason Mefford: A you because you are in aws.
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As.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Well, again, thank you, thank you Andy for coming on today because again it’s.
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Jason Mefford: This is something that I, people need to hear.
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Jason Mefford: and realize they’re not alone and it’s Okay, we got to talk about it, you know I mean hell if if if it was a physical issue right if you had cancer.
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Jason Mefford: yeah you’d feel okay talking to people about it, I think right but.
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Jason Mefford: But because it’s mental we’re embarrassed about it but.
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Jason Mefford: We don’t need to be.
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Jason Mefford: yeah it’s it’s so anyway.
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Jason Mefford: Thank you Andy.
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Jason Mefford: I appreciate what you’re doing and how you’re helping people in the world and just love what you’re doing.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Thank you Jason I really appreciate it and i’m so grateful for this opportunity to share my passion and my dharma oh my God it’s so exciting.
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Jason Mefford: feels good doesn’t it, though.
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Andie Murphy she/her: awesome it was awesome there’s nothing short of it.
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Jason Mefford: All right.
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Jason Mefford: Thank you.
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Andie Murphy she/her: Thank you.
