What makes some people so confident and successful, while others struggle and are frustrated? Is it what they do?
Research says it’s the habits they practice, in fact all successful people practice some of the same habits.
In this #fireandearthpodcast #podcast episode we talk about three more of those habits. So listen in to learn how you can start practicing these habits in your life to unlock your limitless potential.
And since this is a series, you will want to listen to all three success habit episodes and share with your friends and family.
Listen in at: http://www.jasonmefford.com/fireandearth142
Transcript
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Jason Mefford: Welcome to another episode of the fire and earth podcast i’m your co host Jason effort.
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Kathy Gruver: And I am still Cathy Gruber and we are excited to be I am so.
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Jason Mefford: glad that you.
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Kathy Gruver: Are I am yeah you know you don’t know we go away for a little bit you’re not sure what you’re going to get.
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Kathy Gruver: we’re going through the last of the seven habits of good leaders that we have been talking about for a couple episodes now, so the first two we’ve got relationships.
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Kathy Gruver: we’ve got thinking strategically we have dynamic communication use your face, and we have being a curious learner Jason you know so far, you and I we’ve nailed all these we got them down so.
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Kathy Gruver: What.
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Jason Mefford: Oh okay just just deposit just disclaimer i’m still working on all these things myself to.
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Jason Mefford: Cry I mean but it’s yeah.
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Kathy Gruver: we’re good at, I mean, I would say we’re above average.
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Jason Mefford: or above average.
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Jason Mefford: I think on these yes.
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Kathy Gruver: Yes, cool.
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Kathy Gruver: let’s see what the last three or though you never know when we’re gonna fall short So what are the last.
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Jason Mefford: To the last three of the next one is courage to be themselves.
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Kathy Gruver: Oh, I do not have a problem with that one.
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Jason Mefford: I know.
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Jason Mefford: If.
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Jason Mefford: any of you have been listening right.
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Jason Mefford: On to this, you know that we’re.
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Jason Mefford: kind of all about this, but.
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Jason Mefford: But it’s it’s an important thing right because.
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Jason Mefford: You know, so much so many people are afraid of what other people are going to think they’re afraid of the judgment they’re afraid of being cast out that they don’t really have the courage to be themselves.
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Kathy Gruver: yep.
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Jason Mefford: And so what ends up happening is you know you end up becoming like a plastic Barbie doll that you, you know just do and say and are what everyone else expects you to do.
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Jason Mefford: Now doing that again there’s some there’s some serious psychological issues for doing that because that’s playing with cognitive dissonance fire.
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Jason Mefford: And you’ll go crazy if you’re always pretending to be somebody else.
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Jason Mefford: Okay, so but, but what but the important thing about it is you know we all bring uniqueness to what we do.
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Jason Mefford: Kathy you can only give a speech, the way that you give it based on your experience your life your personality right and it’s going to land much better when it’s done, you know authentically you.
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Jason Mefford: Again folks authentic is another word that a lot of people are using.
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Jason Mefford: that’s kind of what we’re what we’re talking about here is the courage to be yourself just show up and be you, because only you.
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Jason Mefford: can lead in certain ways right, I mean imagine if if Gandhi had said well you know i’m a little short Indian man i’m not i’m not a tall European So how can I help change the world.
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Jason Mefford: Well, no, he was who he was right and again think about a lot of these different leaders or you know other people that you look up to their themselves.
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Jason Mefford: and show up as who they are right.
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Jason Mefford: We know who they are, we appreciate their honesty.
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Jason Mefford: Their authenticity.
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Jason Mefford: And you know I can say something you know 20 times to you and Kathy can say at one time.
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Jason Mefford: i’m just making this up right and the 20 times I say it didn’t land but Kathy says, at one time in the way that she can say it.
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Jason Mefford: yeah and now you get it.
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yeah.
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Kathy Gruver: Yes.
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Jason Mefford: Yes.
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Jason Mefford: Yes, yes, so.
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Jason Mefford: One of the habits is courage to be yourself.
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Jason Mefford: yeah and not and not be afraid to do that, and I use courage on purpose, because it takes courage to actually do that.
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Kathy Gruver: and also to go back to you know we try so hard to morph ourselves into what other people want us to be sometimes that’s a perception.
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Kathy Gruver: it’s a perception of what we think we want other people to be so, for example, when I finished my PhD.
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Kathy Gruver: I was like Okay, I have to be really serious now and I made my website very serious i’m a corporate speaker and I have a PR Dr Cathy Gruber and I like I changed my headshot from the really fun like outdoor one to.
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Kathy Gruver: It wasn’t that because I hate those pictures but it’s like I started to change everything and, finally, one of the like the radio guest list kind of things that I was on the guys like um.
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Kathy Gruver: So I noticed you changed your picture and you’re like you kind of changed the color what’s what’s going on, and I said, why have a PhD now I can almost hear him I get up.
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Kathy Gruver: here on the email go.
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Kathy Gruver: Okay.
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Jason Mefford: Still Kathy underneath.
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Kathy Gruver: It made no sense and it’s funny because when I when I started to put the red in my hair.
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Kathy Gruver: My then at the time, husband goes.
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Kathy Gruver: Why are you doing that and I said because i’ve always wanted read streaks my hair and he goes Okay, Dr Kathy gruver you think they’re going to take you seriously when you show up at Google to do a talk and I said yeah.
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Kathy Gruver: Because this is not a reflection of i’m a bad speaker, this is not a reflection of.
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Kathy Gruver: I don’t know what i’m doing or you know it’s like I didn’t get face tattoos and put Spikes through my face, you know it’s like it’s a red streak lot of people have these now, so it was his perception of.
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Kathy Gruver: Are they going to deem you not professional because you’ve got a streak in your hair.
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Kathy Gruver: 20 years ago, maybe not now so it’s like this is my way of just throwing a little bit of self expression, and it lets people know.
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Kathy Gruver: i’m fun i’m a little bit offbeat i’m a little bit quirky i’m, this is the perfect expression of who I really am.
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Kathy Gruver: Even though my headshot may smiling and stuff but they you know they may see my credentials and then the picture and go out okay she’s she’s a bigger well rounded person we thought so yeah express yourself find a way to do that.
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Jason Mefford: Well, and it’s becoming more acceptable now for you right, I mean again for a lot of years.
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Jason Mefford: We were all afraid to let your freak flag fly now it’s it’s Okay, in fact, you know that’s to me that’s what makes the world a beautiful place.
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Jason Mefford: yeah is how all of us are a little bit different and we’re a big melting pot, and I just.
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Jason Mefford: Find people’s fascinating.
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Jason Mefford: So.
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Kathy Gruver: This is why I love the conversation we have the dominatrix if you guys haven’t heard that issue that episode you we just sparked your interest there because it is about you know.
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Kathy Gruver: tapping into who you really are finding a way to express that finding the strength and the courage to just be who you are and that’s why I love that episode so yeah OK, so be yourself, we got that.
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Kathy Gruver: yourself got it the next one, is leading from the inside.
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Jason Mefford: So I think we’ve already kind of done a an earlier episode here i’ve done some on my.
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Jason Mefford: channel Jason podcast already about this too, but it’s.
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Jason Mefford: it’s about the the whole idea that.
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Jason Mefford: You know, and this kind of ties in from the courage to be yourself as well.
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Jason Mefford: yeah there’s there’s a lot of times a perception that you have to act dress and do things in a certain way.
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Jason Mefford: that’s just not true anymore okay and and what ends up happening so much of the time, especially in corporate America is people are taught to be leaders that command and control other people.
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Jason Mefford: That use fear and punishment to get people to do what they want.
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Jason Mefford: Now the roots of that go back to the military, especially since the Second World War.
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Jason Mefford: You had these millions of men who who fought in the in the war come home and that leadership training that they had in the military got translated into.
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Kathy Gruver: Organizations corporate yep.
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Jason Mefford: And so it was the i’m the general you must obey my orders kind of a thing, and you know, honestly, it probably worked okay for a lot of the people that were familiar with that.
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Jason Mefford: Now I don’t know when they got rid of the draft here in the US, but the the percentage of people here who have had military service much, much lower right so again that kind of command and control leadership doesn’t sit well with most people.
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Kathy Gruver: yeah it’s not the culture anymore, they don’t think lunch that’s no.
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Jason Mefford: it’s not what’s expected in fact so and what I find too is that you know again it’s not it’s not how you dress it’s not how you look.
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Jason Mefford: it’s not the title that you have it’s who you are from the inside out and so again, if you want to be a more powerful person you’ve got to work on yourself right, you know that the Gandhi quote you know, be the change, you want to see in the world.
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Jason Mefford: Yes, I love that idea, but again, how does that start it he’s he’s not telling you to go do things right, he said, if you want to change the world, what do you do be the change.
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Jason Mefford: yeah he’s not telling you to do anything he’s telling you to be a different person yeah and so that’s why these habits are those kinds of things, this is how you be a different person.
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Jason Mefford: Air more authentic.
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Jason Mefford: you’re carrying your emotional it’s okay to do that right to have emotional intelligence and to use that and to have that power come from the inside out, so I I usually use the analogy of well you know pick a dictator or think of a third world country dictator versus think of a monk.
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Jason Mefford: Two different kinds of people right who do you want to follow the dictator or the month.
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Jason Mefford: yeah and again not religion aside that’s not what i’m but.
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Jason Mefford: Wait.
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Jason Mefford: difference of the people, as far as who you would want to have lead you and who you would want to follow.
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Kathy Gruver: This yeah and I think to go back to the whole like for kind of authoritarian boss, is, I think one of the things that was missing then was that humanity that instinct that intuition and you know to me if you just said to me lead from the inside, to me, that is, this sort of like.
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Kathy Gruver: intuitive compassionate empathetic kind of leadership, as opposed to bama bama bama yeah so that’s when you said that that’s kind of what what came to me.
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Jason Mefford: Good because that’s exactly what I was intending to.
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Jason Mefford: yeah is that is that more of it comes from your intuition.
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Jason Mefford: yeah and you’re feeling.
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Jason Mefford: You know yeah we have a head, we have a heart, we have a gut thinking feeling doing right, and so we have to balance all of that as well, and so.
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Jason Mefford: intuition and leadership is becoming much more important and again there’s certain work you have to do to create that internal power source it’s also the same as external power versus internal power.
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Kathy Gruver: yeah.
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Jason Mefford: which again is the monk versus the dictator.
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Kathy Gruver: cool whoo all right, that was six.
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Jason Mefford: Alright, so one more.
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Jason Mefford: One more.
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Kathy Gruver: That we should do we should do now.
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Jason Mefford: I think we have time.
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Jason Mefford: I think I think we have time to start strong it out for over three episodes to like give it to me damn I mean you have a lot to set patients people issues my people.
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Jason Mefford: And it’s not patient patience is not the last one.
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Jason Mefford: But that is a good virtue that.
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Kathy Gruver: is a good one yeah.
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Kathy Gruver: Okay, so what’s the last one.
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Jason Mefford: So the last one is ask for help.
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Jason Mefford: Oh so again you’ll see that there’s kind of some tie ins on some of this other stuff but in the end, especially from a curious learner perspective right, I mean if you are a curious learner you’re probably going to be asking for help, but.
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Jason Mefford: But what I find is you know, especially the more.
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Jason Mefford: The higher up we go in organizations let’s say the more education, we have the less we feel like we need help from others, or I can figure this out, I can do it on my own.
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Jason Mefford: yeah and, and so the problem is, you know, then you’re just stuck and usually you stay stuck where you are thinking that you can just figure this out on your own.
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Jason Mefford: yeah well, you can you can be on a slow boat to China trying to figure this all out on your own.
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Kathy Gruver: APP.
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Jason Mefford: Or you can actually ask for help, and you can do some things that put you on a rocket ship instead.
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Jason Mefford: of choices up to you, slow boat to China or rocket ship.
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Jason Mefford: Right, I prefer the rocket ship.
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Kathy Gruver: Myself uh huh.
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Jason Mefford: And so.
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Jason Mefford: You know, as a result of that actually asking for help and realizing that we do all.
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Jason Mefford: need help.
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yeah.
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Kathy Gruver: Well, and that goes along with the relationships, too, and I told the story during that one of me asking a client of mine, can you draw me at the car place you know.
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Kathy Gruver: So and that’s a very simple example that you gave me, but the other one thing I was gonna say was I was always told the sign of a good leader is to surround yourself with people who know more than you.
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Kathy Gruver: Know it’s like I don’t do my own taxes, I don’t do my own.
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Kathy Gruver: Car repairs I don’t do my you know it’s like i’ve surrounded myself, even just me as i’m not in a corporation or a big organization, but I still have a team.
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Kathy Gruver: You know I have surrounded myself with people who know more than me and it’s that collaboration is that asking, I mean before we just jumped on for this recording you and I brainstormed a little bit of talk, I have to give.
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Kathy Gruver: Because I can’t do it all myself I wanted your opinion on that because I value what you do and I knew, you had some good insight.
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Kathy Gruver: So if you can’t then no man is an island let’s how many how many different things can we toss out, but you know it’s true, we have to surround ourselves with people who we trust you aren’t just going to be yes men.
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Kathy Gruver: Because that’s a thing of the past to that goes without a authoritarian kind of you know matt what was mad men was it that you know that kind of.
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Jason Mefford: Learning madmen.
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1950s.
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Kathy Gruver: yeah we’re in a different era of leadership and and organizations and so.
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Kathy Gruver: You know, asking for help, not being embarrassed to ask for help, not being afraid of being rejected not being, for you know.
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Kathy Gruver: You have to tap into that vulnerability and when it comes down to all of this, the communication, the relationships that all has to do with being vulnerable.
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Kathy Gruver: So you know we all have that part of ourselves, and we have to find a way to trust that we can be vulnerable around people and that it’s going to work out okay.
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Jason Mefford: Well i’ll go there for producing a little bit too, you know before we wrap up there, because you raised a very good point about the vulnerability and this is one of the reasons why this is in here.
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Jason Mefford: right if you if you think you know everything you never asked for any help and I got this and i’m going to take care of it, you know, like I said you’re slow boat to China first off right you’re gonna you’re going to progress very slow, but also to everybody around you.
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Jason Mefford: You kind of an asshole sometimes right because because you you bring off this error, I know what i’m talking about I know better than you and we try to go through, and show this this air of invincibility.
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Jason Mefford: that a lot of people are taught right.
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Jason Mefford: In order to be a great leader in order for people to respect me, I have to be invincible I have to be that superhero well even folks you know, in the superhero sagas every superhero has an Achilles heel.
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Jason Mefford: Okay, and what’s interesting because you brought up about that vulnerability and again it’s okay as a leader to be vulnerable.
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Jason Mefford: In fact, I will tell you.
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Jason Mefford: you’re much sexier when you are vulnerable to how do I know this because i’ve watched this in different group settings.
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Jason Mefford: yeah where a man who again right man, what are we taught, we have to be invincible, we have to be strong, we have to be the macho one right macho macho man that’s a little different thing but anyway.
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Jason Mefford: In seeing.
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Jason Mefford: All right, bring you a little village people in this too.
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Jason Mefford: But you know that we have to be strong, we have to be macho whatever, but I have seen this play out many, many times, is where a man in a group setting will actually express and show vulnerability show emotion might actually get a little weepy.
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Jason Mefford: yeah no I cry sometimes.
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Jason Mefford: And I will tell you that’s like the sexiest guy in the room, because all the women are like holy shit that was whoa.
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Jason Mefford: that’s sexy right yeah.
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Jason Mefford: And so you know again a lot of times this stuff that we’ve been taught is not really true or maybe it was true at some point but it’s not really true anymore.
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Kathy Gruver: As we evolve and change because we’re curious learners.
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Jason Mefford: So yeah I mean again the best.
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Jason Mefford: The best leaders are the ones who actually do ask for help.
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Jason Mefford: they’re not afraid.
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Jason Mefford: right because i’ll tell you on this too is i’ve seen this transpire both ways.
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Jason Mefford: The the people who are willing to hire people smarter and better than them.
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Jason Mefford: To work for them.
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Jason Mefford: The people that do that grow significantly, and again I worked for one of the people I worked for was a billionaire.
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Jason Mefford: guys financially successful.
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Jason Mefford: He used to always say that he hired smarter people.
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Jason Mefford: than them to run it he he wasn’t.
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Jason Mefford: He was he was okay with asking for help with bringing in the best and the brightest people to help him do what he needed to do on the flip side, I remember this one, this one person that I worked with she was very, very.
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Jason Mefford: couldn’t be questioned.
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Jason Mefford: And so, she would hire people less qualified less talented than her.
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Jason Mefford: Sure right because she didn’t she didn’t want to be questioned, whatever else I will tell you that part of the business, there were some really stupid people that worked in that area, in fact I don’t even know.
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Jason Mefford: Well, if they would have worked for anybody else those people would have been fired because they were actually an apt.
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Kathy Gruver: yeah and their job.
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Jason Mefford: And so you can either choose to upscale by asking for help bring in people that are smarter than you to do, or you can go down the spiral.
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Kathy Gruver: The other way yeah yeah there’s there really is a lot of choice with this and, unfortunately, so many of the things the seven is.
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Kathy Gruver: sort of ingrained in US it’s programmed into us and it’s okay to break out of that programming it’s okay to question those things and make a different choice it’s okay to change.
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Kathy Gruver: Which is what we’re talking about in between recording today is about, you know that resistance to change.
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Kathy Gruver: And really being self aware and reflective because all of these take kind of sitting with yourself and going, what do I want what are my goals, who am I, and how can I be a better version of myself that’s what all this is about.
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Jason Mefford: Rather shoulders there’s some of the some of the people listening, you might be one of them are going hey this sounds like this makes a lot of sense to me, but I don’t know how to do that.
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Jason Mefford: Well don’t worry I didn’t know how to do it either right, but why do you think we’re talking about this because I help people do this I help people figure out how to change and how to transform and.
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Jason Mefford: and work through and do some of these changes because, like you said got to change is scary we’ve talked about it before on the podcast.
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Jason Mefford: But it’s all things that you can learn other people have done this.
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Jason Mefford: You know.
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Jason Mefford: And if other people have done it don’t you think you can do it too.
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Kathy Gruver: yeah yeah we can.
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Kathy Gruver: I believe it I believe in all of you.
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Kathy Gruver: Yes, yay cool oh my gosh I love this this was such a great idea to go through these seven so to recap.
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Kathy Gruver: Relationships think strategically have dynamic communication, be a curious learner be yourself be your authentic self lead from the inside, and ask for help.
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Kathy Gruver: I love it.
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Jason Mefford: Good stuff well when you do like I said i’ve just seen these are habits that successful people that i’ve studied.
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Jason Mefford: yep have they practice, every day, and again I use the word habits, because it’s not something like you can do this for a day or two and then.
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Jason Mefford: Forget about it it’s like these are habits that you have to develop and work on every day, every week and do them constantly you know to.
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Jason Mefford: be able to stay successful and whatever it is that you’re doing.
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Jason Mefford: Whether that’s your personal life, you know, again, all of these things would help you in your personal.
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Jason Mefford: life as well.
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Kathy Gruver: Absolutely and don’t, we need to keep those strong too.
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Kathy Gruver: So yeah Oh, this has been so great, I love this I love this little serious so yay.
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Kathy Gruver: So everybody go out start to make these changes really look at yourself hold up that mirror and see how you can make changes in your life for the better.
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Kathy Gruver: Talk to Jason he’s got a whole program on us, so you know head to your site, and you can figure out how to do a little more deeper dive into all this and for now i’m Kathy gruver I can be reached at Kathy Gruber calm.
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Jason Mefford: And i’m Jason effort, I can be reached at Jason method calm so go out have a great week.
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Jason Mefford: And we’re going to catch you on the next episode of the fire and earth podcast see ya.
