What makes some people so confident and successful, while others struggle and are frustrated? Is it what they do?
Research says it’s the habits they practice, in fact all successful people practice some of the same habits.
In this #fireandearthpodcast #podcast episode we talk about two more of those habits. So listen in to learn how you can start practicing these habits in your life to unlock your limitless potential.
And since this is a series, you will want to listen to all three success habit episodes and share with your friends and family.
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Jason Mefford: Welcome to another episode of the fire North podcast i’m your co host Jason method.
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Kathy Gruver: And i’m Kathy gruver and we tease Jeff we said it was going to happen.
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Kathy Gruver: we’re doing the next of those good habits that we’re talking about So the first two if you don’t remember was building good relationships and thinking strategically So here we are back with a couple more so just i’ll let you introduce our next little topics there.
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Jason Mefford: take it off and will tease them again a little bit and then again will said there were kind of seven probably more than seven, but a list of seven that i’ve been working off of right now.
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Jason Mefford: But yeah and again So these are these are habits that are what successful people do i’ve seen it, you know with successful leaders, but.
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Jason Mefford: These are habits again.
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Jason Mefford: That will make your personal life or your business life better right because it’s not about the doing it’s about.
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Jason Mefford: The habits that we have developed and the person that we’re being that’s what makes the difference right so so yeah we talked about focusing on relationships and thinking strategically last time, so if you missed that one just go back and watch that podcasts that’s why they’re there.
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Jason Mefford: Right, so this next one let’s jump into the next one is being a dynamic communicator.
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Kathy Gruver: Oh, one of my favorite topics.
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Jason Mefford: um yeah so communication is important.
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Jason Mefford: In general right, and so you know again what’s what’s the difference, you know if you think about.
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Jason Mefford: I could hand people and we’re both speakers to right we’ve seen this in the industry to I could hand to people exactly the same script.
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Jason Mefford: Okay, and tell them here’s your speech and one person is going to deliver something that is dynamic and inspiring and the other person is going to be more like this right and put people to sleep and be monotone and on the next slide me right.
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Kathy Gruver: We do a whole talk do.
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Jason Mefford: Ever yeah yeah yeah.
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Jason Mefford: yeah so so again right what’s the what’s you know how do you do this right well think about.
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Jason Mefford: Think about some of the people that you’ve listened to, or people that have communicated to you in a dynamic way right and i’ll just use this example I think one of the greatest speeches of all time is, I have a dream Martin Luther King jr Okay, and in the way that he put that together.
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Jason Mefford: And you know the the callbacks that are in it.
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Jason Mefford: The the other things you know and in, for example, let’s just let’s just take the title.
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Jason Mefford: Of it right he didn’t show up and go, I have a plan.
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Jason Mefford: No, because a plan is something that’s boring right a plan is something that’s 3D left brain analytical.
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Jason Mefford: He said, I have a dream.
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Jason Mefford: And don’t we all have a dream right so immediately he’s connecting with the people who he’s talking to because we all have dreams.
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Jason Mefford: yeah and for especially all the people that he was talking to the world wasn’t the way they wanted it to be.
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Jason Mefford: But he was able to use psychology and language patterns and some imagery and other things like that to be able to communicate dynamically.
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Jason Mefford: with other people.
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Kathy Gruver: evoked emotion.
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Kathy Gruver: To and we do that through vocal intonation through you know slowing down and speeding up through facial expression through gestures, you know so much of our communication is nonverbal.
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Kathy Gruver: So is what your face is doing and what your body doing matching the intention, you have with that communication, and you know.
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Kathy Gruver: The communication loop is so simple, how do we screwed up, I want to communicate something to you, I say it, you know you communicate it back we’re done.
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Kathy Gruver: How do we mess that up it’s like three steps you know put at any point during that communication loop anything can be screwed up maybe you don’t know what you actually want.
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Kathy Gruver: Maybe you’re communicating in a way that’s not clear, maybe i’m distracted or stress i’m not really hearing you maybe i’m seeing every cent thing through this like hazy.
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Kathy Gruver: windshield of negativity maybe i’m tired i’m hungry, maybe I give you an answer to a question you didn’t really ask that you know there’s all these different.
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Kathy Gruver: Communication we’ve we’ve talked about communication before this huge topic, you know, and I think so much of it is, what do you want and how can you communicate that, in the best way to the person you’re communicating with.
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Kathy Gruver: Maybe it’s their visual learner so you want to actually get in front of them, maybe they’re an auditory so leaving voicemails fine man, you know it’s like there’s so many things to think about in being that type of communicator.
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Kathy Gruver: And it’s so funny when I did my first tedx talk I got off the stage and one of the other speakers, he was.
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Kathy Gruver: Up to me, and he goes.
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Kathy Gruver: So can I ask you a question, and I said yeah and he goes you been doing this, a while and I so yeah so I was an actor and then you know i’ve been speaking for for quite a number of years, and he goes.
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Kathy Gruver: How do you do that with your face.
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Kathy Gruver: And I thought, what the Fuck am I doing with my face like and I said, what are you talking about he goes will your face like.
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Kathy Gruver: If there’s times you smile and there’s times, like you, you are expressive and i’m thinking, how do you not do that with your face and I went back because I couldn’t see his talk, because I was you know, in the backstage area and then, when I watched all of our videos his face never moved.
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Kathy Gruver: He did the entire talk and it wasn’t necessarily monotone there was a little bit of intonation but his face didn’t change and i’m thinking, how do you not talk with your fate, I mean like even right now i’m just i’m always i’ve always.
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Jason Mefford: talk with you right.
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Kathy Gruver: I don’t know what that accent was but it’s like this is why I have so many wrinkles and lines because i’ve always been so animated.
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Kathy Gruver: And it’s like you, do you know what you’re portraying Do you know what your body’s doing to know what your face looks like do you know.
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Kathy Gruver: You have to learn these things about yourself listen to your communication watch your communication, so that you know how you’re coming across I think that’s one of the best things we could do is actually record ourselves, and you know notice.
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Kathy Gruver: What type of communicator we are how things are coming across because if you’ve got a scowl on your face when you’re saying I love you like I don’t worry it’s not right.
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Jason Mefford: yeah cuz people it’s it’s it’s not the words themselves right it’s it’s more of the everything else that goes along with it and so like you said right, I could I could go I could i’m just going to practice something here right wop Bob Hello Bob.
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Jason Mefford: Bob Bam boom tutti frutti now that’s.
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Jason Mefford: What it is that’s right it’s it’s kind of depressing and the way that I said it, but if you hear little Richard a lot BA BA BA BA BA Bam boom tutti frutti will be a tutti frutti we see the difference right now I know we’re like all right let’s.
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Kathy Gruver: get a test.
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Jason Mefford: Right that’s that’s dynamically communicating right I just said the same exact words.
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Jason Mefford: But one.
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Jason Mefford: hit the mark right gotcha listen evoked emotion in you.
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Jason Mefford: In, and again I mean this is kind of one of those things it’s a little subtle thing because a lot of times, especially with leaders that I work with in business.
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Jason Mefford: They feel like they can’t bring emotion into work right it’s not personal its business, I must be very plastic, while I am at work well that’s not how humans interact and you got to bring the emotion in if you want to really inspire and motivate people.
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Jason Mefford: don’t you don’t you’re not going to do that, and as a leader you’ve got to inspire and help motivate and influence people.
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Kathy Gruver: Absolutely well if people can’t tell that it’s an important thing if they don’t know that holds value to you why are they going to get on board with it.
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Kathy Gruver: You know you don’t have to scream and yell and cry but but motivating people to action is an art and I think so much of that is facial expression and pauses and you know I love pausing during talks.
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Kathy Gruver: and bringing people into that because they kind of leave in go watch.
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Kathy Gruver: You know, finding a way to use those pauses and that intonation is such an art and I love playing with that one of my favorite things to do during talks.
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Jason Mefford: It is, and so you know again if because I hear this from a lot of people to their like.
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Jason Mefford: People don’t listen to me.
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Jason Mefford: Well, if you’re being boring people are not going to listen to you it’s like.
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Kathy Gruver: Maybe you’re sorry but you know, unless you’re going to be a little bit more dynamic, people are probably not going to listen to.
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Jason Mefford: You right and as well, are you listening to other people right.
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Jason Mefford: yeah I see that so much of the time to have people that are like well i’m not getting this or this isn’t happening like hold up a mirror What do you mean hold up a mirror.
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Jason Mefford: yeah you doing this for other people.
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Kathy Gruver: know when someone’s talking to you and you’re like yeah.
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Jason Mefford: yeah yeah.
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Kathy Gruver: No, no yeah no I know.
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Jason Mefford: yeah Why would they turn around and listen to you.
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Jason Mefford: yeah so you know, again, one of the one of these habits for for people that are successful and again this is it’s not just leaders it’s everybody in general right.
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Jason Mefford: I mean, think about the people you enjoy being around.
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Jason Mefford: Are they good communicators most likely.
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Jason Mefford: Right, because you don’t want to hang out with a bunch of boring people do they tell stories are they a good storyteller.
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Jason Mefford: Do they tell jokes are they animated do they use their face when they talk.
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Kathy Gruver: I can’t even do it like I can’t I just can’t not do I just just.
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Jason Mefford: it’s.
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Kathy Gruver: A whole separate entity I don’t know what this is doing.
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Kathy Gruver: Sometimes it gets me in trouble, but.
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Kathy Gruver: ya know it’s true and it’s so funny because.
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Kathy Gruver: Literally my boyfriend I Eric we had this conversation last night about how much we value our communication, because if there’s an issue.
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Kathy Gruver: If there’s a thing, where it’s like Oh, you know I came home and nothing was done and you were playing video games and and.
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Kathy Gruver: You know the trash wasn’t taken out, and you know there’s no anger about that it’s hey you know let’s talk about this.
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Kathy Gruver: I need this, what can we do to work this I mean like we talk about those things that we’re having issues with or one of us will say i’m having a feeling about something can we talk about that.
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Kathy Gruver: it’s the best communication ever and it’s so strengthened our relationship, because we know that, no matter what the issue is.
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Kathy Gruver: We can have a conversation about it and resolve the issue without fighting arguing resentment without that i’m gonna sit over here pout these know hopefully they’ll notice something’s wrong, we don’t play that game, you know.
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Kathy Gruver: it’s like I don’t expect anybody to read my mind.
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Kathy Gruver: Unless i’m there for that purpose, on purpose it’s like that that open communication and knowing what you want, and sometimes like to sit with it it’s like okay what am I feeling.
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Kathy Gruver: Like what do I need, what is the issue oh that led to that okay oh okay that’s the thing, sometimes I can work it out myself, sometimes I need to go to him or a friend, or something else and be like dude this happened, and we need to talk about it, the best thing ever.
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Jason Mefford: yeah but, like you said, I mean unless you communicate.
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Jason Mefford: Things are going to change millions and so again the end the better that we can get how we’re communicating with other people.
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Jason Mefford: Right, the better life is going to be.
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Jason Mefford: Is if you’re sitting there if you’re mopey over in the corner like.
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Jason Mefford: pitch to Kathy right now, because she did something that I didn’t like well you’re not you’re never going to know it unless we communicate about it right and that whole the whole idea of well, they should know.
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Jason Mefford: That sounds really childish that nearly one more person say that to me, but they should know how I feel because I looked at them this way.
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Jason Mefford: How do you even know they saw you.
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Kathy Gruver: know that is so, I hear.
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Kathy Gruver: Women tend to be worse with that I don’t think i’ve ever heard a guy say that when i’m coaching people.
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Kathy Gruver: Women do that, although he should know what he should know that I wanted that for valentine’s day he should know that I like dinner out, he should know that have you ever frickin told him that.
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Kathy Gruver: Have you ever told him that.
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Kathy Gruver: When I wanted a specific thing for valentine’s day I was, like, I would like to sing for valentine’s day he goes great Thank you, I never would have thought to give you that.
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Kathy Gruver: Is it magic.
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Kathy Gruver: right if you know what I is there this part is like Oh, I wish you would have thought about that yep sure of course that’s the movies, we watch.
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Kathy Gruver: But I would rather say hey I love this thing can I have it, as opposed to me wishing he would somehow determined from the universe, that I want it i’m not a Kennedy where I can’t circle stuff in the sears catalog for Christmas and like put it.
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Kathy Gruver: I would dog your pages and circle, the shit that I wanted to give it to my mom and be like this she’s like all right.
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Jason Mefford: yeah i’m thinking Christmas story, you know when he pulls.
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Jason Mefford: He like.
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Jason Mefford: tears out the page of the red Ryder bb gun and puts it, this month magazine, you know those little subtle things as kids.
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Kathy Gruver: But he was asking for what he wanted it was still communication, it was still communicate cool excellent all right well great great communicators now we’re using our faces all right what’s that.
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Jason Mefford: So the next one is curious learner.
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Jason Mefford: Oh, something that I love right because I I learned something new every day.
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Jason Mefford: Yes, but it just amazes me at how many people they go through their formal education and they stop learning.
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Jason Mefford: Because, for some reason you know we’ve been taught that you can only learn if you’re in school, again, this is probably one of those bullshit things that you know conspiracy from the universities and whatever else that you have that’s, the only way to learn.
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Jason Mefford: Not the word conspiracy theorists but.
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Jason Mefford: Like I don’t know where it comes from it doesn’t matter right, but the but the point is that a lot of people they really only learn, are they in in a formal setting and they stop learning.
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Jason Mefford: When they get out of it.
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Jason Mefford: Right, I remember, I was talking to this one guy that I knew and he was he was very proud of the fact that he had only read one book, since he left high school.
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Jason Mefford: He was a really interesting guy right did I want to talk to him for very long nope right because he was very, very closed minded i’ve everything I needed to learn i’ve already learned kind of a thing so obviously you could tell he was rather opinionated.
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Jason Mefford: yeah and he knew what was right, even though half of what he was saying was completely not documented truth right, so you know again how many people just kind of stopped that way.
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Kathy Gruver: versus.
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Jason Mefford: Do you remember what it was like to be a kid right and it’s like wow, that is, the coolest looking dragon fly I have ever seen.
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Jason Mefford: Right, yes, are we pull out the magnifying glass and yeah we used to.
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Jason Mefford: burn hands but.
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Jason Mefford: We use a magnifying glass to to look at to learn more about that sure we’re wanting to right, so why can’t we get back to being like a kid.
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Jason Mefford: Being curious like the kid.
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Jason Mefford: and actually learn every single day because.
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Jason Mefford: You know the reality is there’s lots of stuff for us to learn.
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Jason Mefford: Absolutely, and every single day, we should be learning Now this is even more important now because we’re in the knowledge, you know we.
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Jason Mefford: We had the industrial revolution and things like that, while we’re in the you know kind of intellectual revolution that you have to be learning and growing, things are moving at such a fast pace that as humans, we have a hard time keeping up with it.
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Jason Mefford: So unless you’re curious unless you’re unless you’re.
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Jason Mefford: You know, constantly learning and you’re curious about that.
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Jason Mefford: you’re not going to be a very good leader.
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Jason Mefford: right if you’re stuck in the past.
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Jason Mefford: Usually, believing a lot of things that are no longer true.
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Kathy Gruver: Yes, yeah and what I love about the learning thing, even if it’s even if you’re learning, something that will quote never help you in the future.
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Kathy Gruver: So, like, I had a client who does computer coding know jack shit about computer coding, and I asked her about it once i’m like Can you explain to me how that works like.
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Kathy Gruver: Just like, how do you how do you even come up like, how do you come up with that and he goes Oh, and he launched and he goes there’s two different languages and he goes, and I was fascinated.
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Kathy Gruver: i’m not going to go code, something it didn’t move me forward in my career at all.
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Kathy Gruver: But you know what I got to be curious about another person, which helps build relationships which was the first one, we talked about.
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Kathy Gruver: And it expands my brain it keeps my brain growing and synapses firing and connections be being made in a way that it wouldn’t have elsewhere, and I am gone so I mean if I could be in school forever I would have every bloody degree that you could possibly have.
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Kathy Gruver: The other day I went out to the mailbox we have people that live in the front house of where we are.
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Kathy Gruver: And there was a like a flyer for continuing education in the mailbox and I got excited but it wasn’t for me it was for me as a psychologist and I was like Okay, and I looked at it and it was a class that I went.
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Kathy Gruver: Oh, my God I would love to take this so I took the flyer out of the mailbox I then replaced it and I went to this site which is nothing but hundreds of continuing education programs for psychologists.
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Kathy Gruver: I saw I logged out I signed up I logged in and I started to go through their courses and I finally said.
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Kathy Gruver: You better take my credit card, and he goes, what are you doing and my boyfriend walks over I had 1500 dollars worth of continuing.
00:17:58.170 –> 00:17:58.740
Jason Mefford: Education.
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Kathy Gruver: In the shopping cart and he goes, do you need $50 and I went no I don’t need any of this.
00:18:06.300 –> 00:18:18.420
Kathy Gruver: But this is going to help me help more people and I just got so excited I end up taking two courses for them already, and it was showing lightning and so educational and it just excites me to no end like I want to know everything about everything.
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Kathy Gruver: How do you make a pillow like what is the difference in the stuff like How does that teammate how did you know it’s like I want to know all of that.
00:18:25.260 –> 00:18:33.930
Kathy Gruver: And that’s where I just think that like that little kid thing of curious curious curious, I want to know ever I was that kid that asked why, but everything i’m sure I drove my parents crazy.
00:18:34.950 –> 00:18:35.100
Kathy Gruver: But.
00:18:36.000 –> 00:18:37.380
Kathy Gruver: It allows us to be bigger.
00:18:38.040 –> 00:18:41.880
Kathy Gruver: Bigger people, but like more expanded deeper people yeah.
00:18:42.480 –> 00:18:48.030
Jason Mefford: Well, so again if you’re wondering well, what does it mean to be curious three wind and just listen to what Cathy just said.
00:18:48.870 –> 00:18:57.570
Jason Mefford: that that is the epitome of what a curious person is right, we want to learn these things, it is, I mean learning is my favorite thing to do.
00:18:58.290 –> 00:19:07.050
Jason Mefford: And it’s and it’s again, you know, sometimes yes it’s in you know continuing education courses hell that’s one of that’s one of the companies, I own folks right I.
00:19:07.050 –> 00:19:08.250
Jason Mefford: Love doing that I love.
00:19:08.730 –> 00:19:21.630
Jason Mefford: Providing those opportunities for other people to learn, but it’s not it’s not always you know or doesn’t have to just be in the formal sense right so so even again just to.
00:19:22.200 –> 00:19:29.280
Jason Mefford: peel back the layers so you guys can see how my brain works too right it’s like I love watching movies, I love listening to.
00:19:29.280 –> 00:19:41.910
Jason Mefford: Music right and i’ll tell you when I watch a movie right and you probably do this a little bit to Kathy having been an actress but you know also i’ll sit there because I own media company as well.
00:19:42.000 –> 00:19:44.490
Jason Mefford: Right so so it’s like i’m sitting there.
00:19:45.120 –> 00:20:03.750
Jason Mefford: i’m i’m watching the movie for the storyline and I particularly like movies, that are based on real on true events Okay, because then I can kind of I can learn a little bit about something that I didn’t know about before I can go fact check afterwards what’s.
00:20:03.750 –> 00:20:14.460
Jason Mefford: True what’s not true right, because if you’re making a movie you have to make a good story so sometimes you have to embellish it that’s okay for telling the story, but what really happened right.
00:20:15.180 –> 00:20:25.740
Jason Mefford: And so, so i’ll sit there I love it from from that learning perspective i’ll sit there and view the movie from wow That was a very interesting camera angle, I love how the.
00:20:25.740 –> 00:20:39.300
Jason Mefford: director had him do that right and and the images of switching from this scene to the next scene ooh I like that, right now, why am I thinking that well it’s interesting for me, but also it helps me with my business.
00:20:39.390 –> 00:20:47.220
Jason Mefford: As well right yeah I look at you know again kind of the emotion that’s being felt in it it’s like Oh, how do they feel that emotion.
00:20:47.850 –> 00:20:54.360
Jason Mefford: Right or looking at things like what can I learn from that story.
00:20:56.250 –> 00:21:05.550
Jason Mefford: So, because a lot of times in life right it’s it’s we can either experience everything ourselves or we can learn from others.
00:21:06.150 –> 00:21:16.350
Jason Mefford: So you know, do I want to be a you know, a drug addict and on my fifth marriage and lose all my money no I don’t want to do that, but I want to learn.
00:21:16.590 –> 00:21:17.160
Kathy Gruver: To hear it.
00:21:17.460 –> 00:21:17.640
00:21:19.230 –> 00:21:20.400
Kathy Gruver: said yes i’d be like Okay, we.
00:21:20.670 –> 00:21:21.060
Jason Mefford: are right.
00:21:22.290 –> 00:21:23.280
Kathy Gruver: And we need to talk.
00:21:24.210 –> 00:21:27.060
Jason Mefford: But it’s but it, you know and it’s whatever it is right.
00:21:27.390 –> 00:21:30.750
Jason Mefford: That we can actually learn from these other people.
00:21:31.230 –> 00:21:36.780
Jason Mefford: Absolutely, and so even something is what a lot of people would just put on a movie veggie out.
00:21:37.920 –> 00:21:59.310
Jason Mefford: I do sometimes, but again i’m trying to learn and be curious about all of this wow How would it be to grow up in a village in Africa, under those circumstances right now again i’m probably never going to do that, but by thinking about it doesn’t it make me a more compassionate person.
00:21:59.370 –> 00:22:01.710
Jason Mefford: And someone who’s more understanding.
00:22:02.100 –> 00:22:05.430
Jason Mefford: of some of the shit other people have gone through that I haven’t gone through.
00:22:05.730 –> 00:22:07.050
Jason Mefford: yep yes so.
00:22:07.470 –> 00:22:09.810
Jason Mefford: i’m becoming more it’s expanding me.
00:22:09.870 –> 00:22:15.390
Kathy Gruver: It expands our consciousness and it can never shrink back to where it was before once you’ve expanded it it’s fabulous.
00:22:16.470 –> 00:22:21.210
Kathy Gruver: yeah cool all right, we got through tomorrow we have 15 more to go.
00:22:22.350 –> 00:22:23.850
Jason Mefford: For anybody who’s been counting right.
00:22:25.770 –> 00:22:28.380
Kathy Gruver: yeah if they’ve been counting then no that’s not 15.
00:22:28.470 –> 00:22:30.270
Kathy Gruver: yeah there’s three more.
00:22:30.300 –> 00:22:42.000
Jason Mefford: But we got two more so again, we talked about in another episode, we talked about relationships and about thinking strategically today we talked a little bit about being a more dynamic communicator and being a curious learn.
00:22:42.150 –> 00:22:43.260
Kathy Gruver: yeah so we have three more.
00:22:43.620 –> 00:22:43.770
00:22:45.870 –> 00:22:46.560
Kathy Gruver: I did math.
00:22:46.860 –> 00:22:47.610
Jason Mefford: And math.
00:22:47.730 –> 00:22:49.470
Jason Mefford: You did you did a hard thing, and it was good.
00:22:51.570 –> 00:22:52.290
Kathy Gruver: wasn’t that hard.
00:22:53.760 –> 00:22:55.380
Jason Mefford: Sometimes, for me.
00:22:56.760 –> 00:22:57.060
Jason Mefford: anyway.
00:22:57.150 –> 00:23:08.190
Kathy Gruver: or half yeah got it cool excellent OK, so now you’ve got four so far of the seven if you missed the first to go back and watch and stay tuned for the next three they’re going to be on page 12 system.
00:23:10.410 –> 00:23:18.900
Kathy Gruver: that’s a shorter newspaper it’s a fall additional I don’t know anyway, I just make sure that i’m gategroup I haven’t reached a Kathy group COM.
00:23:19.290 –> 00:23:28.170
Jason Mefford: i’m Jason method, I can be reached at Jason method calm so go out and have a great rest of your week and we’ll see you on the next episode of the fire and earth podcast see ya.
00:23:28.530 –> 00:23:29.070