We are joined by Steven Rivera (aka The Mindful Wizard) to discuss overcoming adversity and how “the four agreements” will help you do so.
Stephen Rivera has dedicated his life to teaching the power of mindfulness, meditation, and losing fear and doubt. Check out his podcast at anchor.fm/mindfulwizard
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Kathy Gruver: Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of the fire and earth podcast, I’m your co host Kathy grauer
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Jason Mefford: And I’m Jason Medford, and today, you may not realize, but we have a wizard with us.
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Jason Mefford: Wizard Steven Rivera is here with this and we’re going to talk about some fun. Well actually serious but we’re gonna have fun while we talked about
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Jason Mefford: being serious right so so Stephen
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Jason Mefford: I know this is how it just
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Kathy Gruver: Goes right serious fun or fun seriousness. I don’t know which
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Jason Mefford: We’re gonna have serious fun. How about. Does that work for you.
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Steven Rivera: So totally I’m excited.
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Jason Mefford: So, welcome aboard just just
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Jason Mefford: We just kind of go
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Jason Mefford: It’s Ron and scripted. So here we go. Right.
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Jason Mefford: So maybe
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Jason Mefford: Tell us, tell us a little bit, you know, tell the listeners a little bit about you because I know you know you go by kind of
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Jason Mefford: wizard is one of the things you were talking before I mean you have a one there. You’ve got Dumbledore in the back. So just kind of, you know, yeah, there we go. Alright.
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Jason Mefford: So just kind of, you know, let let people know a little bit about you, then we can kind of jump in and talk about the topic that we kind of wanted to cover today with you.
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Steven Rivera: 100%. So first and foremost, let me just thank both of you, Jason and Kathy. This is a huge opportunity. We got a lot of love both of you. So thank you.
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Steven Rivera: My name is Stephen river Rivera, I go by the wizard. The Mindful wizard. I’m the CEO of mindful wizard. A company dedicated to teaching people the power of mindfulness, the power of meditation and the power of
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Steven Rivera: Losing fear losing out. So my intention is just to help people live their best lives and the current medium that I use to support that intention is Instagram my own podcast and individual coaching.
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Steven Rivera: Sweet.
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Jason Mefford: Yeah, you know, it’s one of these where
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Jason Mefford: You know we like to talk a lot about mindfulness here just because there’s so much fear. There’s so much anxiety that’s out there.
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Jason Mefford: And so anything that you can do to kind of wave that little wand and magically help people to become more mindful is huge, right, especially with all of what we’re dealing with right now so
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Jason Mefford: Yeah, so we’re we are honored actually to have you on here too, so
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Kathy Gruver: Totally. So I had the privilege of being on Stevens podcast and we had a blast. But during that podcast, even you shared me sort of your origin story of how you got here you had you had some stuff to overcome. So why don’t you tell our listeners about that.
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Steven Rivera: Well, I would love to. So
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Steven Rivera: I was very different. Right now I’m currently 31 around 18 I had a severe, severe identity disorder. I didn’t know who I was, I would say a personality disorder. I was searching for truth.
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Steven Rivera: And I associated with a rough group of individuals gangsters. And we would just do really bad things I would leave my house. Lay I wasn’t taking school serious
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Steven Rivera: This is senior year in high school. The night actually, before the essay t and I went out and I thought it would be just fun to go out and that night.
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Steven Rivera: My life changed completely. A young lady, I was dating at the time warn me almost as if she knew and she said tonight’s not a good night. Don’t go out I didn’t listen. Um, and I’ll zoom in a little bit. I got hit with a bottle and it blinded me for life on my left eye.
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Steven Rivera: As a result of that injury, my whole life changed. I couldn’t move for two months, um, the first major surgery I had was two months recovery time. So I was on a couch.
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Steven Rivera: And I couldn’t do anything. So this entire life that I thought I was living this illusion of gangster god this illusion of, you know, good looking dude God so I had to rebuild myself and the only way to do that because I fell into into a pretty serious depression and I can see myself.
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Steven Rivera: You know, taking more risk wanting to take substances that are risky drinking more going out gambling and I noticed that there was a decline in my, in my mental health as a result.
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Steven Rivera: You know, subsequently, because of the injury. So what I started to do was. And I think that’s what Kathy and I kind of do the totally work. I started really searching
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Steven Rivera: For healing. So I gotta take a second to shadow a car totally the Don Miguel Ruiz tribe, all these powerful writers, because they are the reasons that I woke up from that illusion. So that was my main
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Steven Rivera: Source of pain and one more moment, if I may, was when I started working in jails. I was 23 years old.
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Steven Rivera: I had a teaching license. So I thought it would be easy. And I walked into my first job, but it was a juvenile detention facility and I was
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Steven Rivera: Obviously I was taken aback. I didn’t, I didn’t know I would be in a jail and especially teaching in one. So that’s where my teaching started
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Steven Rivera: And that’s where I got really, really into meditation and mindfulness first for self. And then, secondly, to give back to the students that I work with.
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Kathy Gruver: Yeah. Wow. We’ve had so many guests on and Jason as as he was telling the story is thinking back to Carl Smith and his whole accident and how that completely changed his life and Peter, who was hit by the truck and that completely changed his life and
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Kathy Gruver: It’s so fascinating because I asked the question the other day on my, on my Facebook group. What is one thing that once you overcame it, you realize changed your life. And it sounds like that moment of not being able to see actually opened your eyes. So I think the
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Kathy Gruver: The irony of that and the symbolism that is also not lost on me. It’s amazing how the universe brings lessons to us. So I applaud you for thank you for sharing that. First of all, and I applaud you for
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Kathy Gruver: Standing at that crossroads and choosing the way you did because it would have been very easy to continue that that downward spiral is an easy ride a it’s an easy ride down. So I applaud you for for stepping up and learning from that and teaching others. That’s amazing.
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Jason Mefford: Well, that’s where I kind of wanted to jump in a little bit. First, because I know we want to talk about The Four Agreements as well but
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Jason Mefford: You know, it’s so easy. I mean, you just shared your story and, you know, there you were 18 right your whole life ahead of you.
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Jason Mefford: One night, just like totally changes your life and it’s it’s so easy. And I think, you know, most people probably the majority of the people I don’t know what it would be, but probably 80% of the people.
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Jason Mefford: At that point would just kind of hunker back and go, oh, woe is me, they’d stay in the Depression and they just have a shitty rest of their life.
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Jason Mefford: Right. So what was it you know i know you kind of mentioned, you know, at cart and and The Four Agreements Don Miguel Ruiz
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Jason Mefford: But what was that kind of catalyst or spark that kind of got you out of that and got you searching right to to now be helping people with mindfulness and meditation to get out of that or what was it that helped pull you out of that.
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Steven Rivera: Excellent question. I appreciate you, because that’s going to segue into a little bit more of my story. But going back to that gangster mentality.
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Steven Rivera: I’m I’m Puerto Rican Rivera. My father is very old school. So when I seek therapy and I told them I may need extra help to overcome this, he looked at me in my face and kind of live as if it was a sign of weakness that I needed help.
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Steven Rivera: Now I go to my other group of friends, friends and I say guys I’m 19 i’m i think i feel like i don’t want to live.
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Steven Rivera: I’m not happy. I’m who I thought I was is no longer who I am. I need something different and these
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Steven Rivera: I’ll never forget. They laughed in my face and and the joke was I’m only 19 and that became kind of like their mantra, and I would hear it.
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Steven Rivera: So one day I remember now. This is probably three months. I never left. I haven’t left my house. One of my good friends comes over and he finally says, Steve.
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Steven Rivera: That’s right, the fucking bike. Let’s at least get on a bike. And I remember. I’ll never I’ll never forget this moment circling around Park Slope.
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Steven Rivera: Excuse me. Prospect Park in Brooklyn. And I remember just feeling the sun for the first time on my face and I was like, I’m bringing this pain upon myself. I can no longer change what happened, but I can start living different and that bike ride it sounds so simple was a moment.
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Steven Rivera: That brought REAL LIFE TO ME LIKE IT. I finally had something in control, which was my own happiness.
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Steven Rivera: So I went to the books, but I don’t want to say that it was this clear and linear because I want to add one more interesting story. So around 2223
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Steven Rivera: Unfortunately, I go back to that group right the gangster group and and I really believe in whatever you want to call it, because this moment right here was just another catalyst
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Steven Rivera: So I get with the group we’re hanging out, have fun drinks cool nice fancy car. Everybody’s having a good time undercover cops stop us.
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Steven Rivera: Before I get in the car. I tell my friends. I’m going to be a teacher. I can’t get arrested. Is there anything illegal in the car, all of them saying, no, we get stopped police officers search the car they find one bag of cocaine in the car.
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Steven Rivera: The cops throw all of us in a in a van and these the open the door. They say we’re not stupid. We know not everyone’s going to share that one bag. Someone has to take the blame.
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Steven Rivera: They close the door, they said, we’re gonna give you one minute to the side so I speak up first.
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Steven Rivera: I say guys I have my first undergrad I got a lot to lose. I asked you if you guys had any illegal substances in here. I’m not going to take credit for something I didn’t do
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Steven Rivera: No one says anything all five of us get arrested. This is where I believe the faith. I’m sitting in a cell for six hours about to lose every opportunity that my family worked or because we can’t afford an undergrad at $30,000 degrees. A lot of money for something
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Steven Rivera: And we were about to lose it like this. And I still remember I said, God, if you’re out there helping me out and I promise you, from this day, I promise you.
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Steven Rivera: I will leave these people alone. And what happened a few hours later, a police officer comes in. He says,
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Steven Rivera: So we looked at the cameras. We can’t prove it. We’re just going to put it on this guy because he has a warrant the four of you can go
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Steven Rivera: And I walked out the cell with no charge. I know it sounds too good to be true. And ever since then I devoted my life to mindfulness and helping people, especially people in difficult communities.
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Kathy Gruver: Wow. I mean, I just, I just want to like sit in that space for a second. I mean, that’s just I’m almost tearing up at that man.
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Steven Rivera: It’s real. It’s real. I mean, that
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Kathy Gruver: And I know
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Steven Rivera: It broke my heart. When I told my father like I would have to remember that day, having to call my father and say, I can’t get a job because I was out fucking around with idiots.
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Steven Rivera: Imagine the pain that that man would have to suffer. So I was never again. So now I have two masters. I’m licensed principal and God is good. Amen. We made it together.
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Jason Mefford: But it’s, I mean it’s you know the story of that that you you know your story to it also kind of brings up another couple of little
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Jason Mefford: Points that I see you know your friends saying let’s go get on our bikes right that we don’t have any idea.
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Jason Mefford: The impact and the power that we can have in other people’s lives and we don’t even realize it.
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Jason Mefford: I remember there was a time, my, my brother, it actually just died tragically when he was 13 right in the end it was one of those kind of spaces for me. And one of my friends came over and said, Come on, let’s go watch a movie.
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Jason Mefford: Right and and I remember that you know in in how I’ve, I’ve asked him, I’ve told him about it several times, right, because this has been decades. He doesn’t even remember doing it.
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Jason Mefford: But I remember doing it. And so those little acts of us actually going out and doing something your friends saying let’s go ride a bike.
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Jason Mefford: So you can feel the sun on yourself and realize hey this is different. Right. Or, you know, the little thing to have reaching out and praying and saying, Come on, you know, I’ve worked for all this. Don’t let this one thing
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Jason Mefford: You know mess everything up. And that’s how you know search for consciousness and the whole collective consciousness that we have
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Jason Mefford: Just we need to listen, right, because it’s we can be this impact for other people and you’re, you know, proving it now with what you’re doing and trying to reach out, especially to, you know, disadvantaged groups.
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Jason Mefford: And help bring them out of that darkness into the light, if you will. Yeah.
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Kathy Gruver: And absolutely to that point, you never know when you’re going to make a difference to someone and I think
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Kathy Gruver: That we are brought into people’s lives very specifically for a reason. And sometimes it’s us for them. And sometimes it’s them for us.
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Kathy Gruver: And I could just think back to so many little, little moments where I’ve said something or somebody has done something for me. And sometimes it’s just holding the door open and smiling and saying, good morning.
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Kathy Gruver: That changes that person’s life. And so it’s those, those, those little things and
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Kathy Gruver: I’ve talked to so many people who are on a spiritual path and they want to do these big things they want to save the world. And it’s like, why don’t you just smile at the person next to you.
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Kathy Gruver: And I remember Carolyn mace who I’m a huge fan of. She’s like, you know, people tell me they want these big things you can do your PT every day.
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Kathy Gruver: How do you think you’re going to handle you know is, is the universe really going to give you this giant thing to save the world. If you can’t get on the floor and do your strap exercises, you know,
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Kathy Gruver: But I think we overlook these little influences and like you just said, Jason, you know, your friend doesn’t remember saying let’s watch a movie. Yeah. Who knows if your friends even remembers saying let’s take that bike ride.
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Kathy Gruver: It’s those little things that we can all do every single day and I’m going to encourage all of our listeners right now. Just do something today, one little thing.
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Kathy Gruver: To make yourself feel better to affect those around you. It’s such a chaotic world and and my boyfriend. I were reading what was happening on Twitter. This morning, and it’s like
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Kathy Gruver: It’s a mess out there right now as California Jason and I are surrounded by lightning storms rolling blackouts fires, you know, only needs good earthquake. I’m kidding. We don’t need that right now.
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Kathy Gruver: Please no.
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Kathy Gruver: Please.
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Kathy Gruver: But it’s true. It’s like we can make such a big difference in people’s lives just by being authentically who we are. So thank you for sharing the story. This is
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Kathy Gruver: We never know where this is going to go and I just love where this is going.
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Kathy Gruver: So the purpose of talking today was not only hearing your story, but we were talking about The Four Agreements and I know Jason, you’re really familiar with those
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Kathy Gruver: I read them years ago and I don’t remember. So let’s refresh me and everybody else what what is that book about what are the four agreements and and let’s talk about that a little bit.
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Steven Rivera: So thanks, thanks again for the space. I’m sorry to get so emotional so early.
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Kathy Gruver: Oh, I love it. No, it’s beautiful.
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Jason Mefford: It’s important to be emotional. We’re humans we’re emotional beings right 900%
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Steven Rivera: So the four agreements for the listeners that don’t know, is a basically it’s a book written by my family. Don Miguel Ruiz, and his tribe.
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Steven Rivera: Their ancient Mexican slash shamans known as the toll techs and their beliefs are that we are artists and we create the world we live in, based off the thoughts that we
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Steven Rivera: Carry. So, The Four Agreements are as follows. Now I don’t know them in the best order, but I’m just gonna say them. One is be impeccable with your word.
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Steven Rivera: Number two is always do your best. Number three is. Don’t make assumptions and number four is don’t take anything personal
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Steven Rivera: So those four spiritual truths have pushed me in a direction where I don’t hate people for the things that have been done to me, for example, the young man that blinded me for life.
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Steven Rivera: Also, put me on a path of success and happiness. So, do I really hate I’ve used. The Four Agreements to let that pain go something as simple as don’t take it personally.
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Steven Rivera: It was my own fault for being there. I let it go. Now be impeccable with your word another very powerful message that although in Spanish mean sin.
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Steven Rivera: So I realized, to be impeccable really means to live without sin to speak freely to speak authentically so The Four Agreements are very simple truths that if applied can multiply your life and free you from chains that you didn’t know you had on
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Jason Mefford: Well, it’s interesting because those are it’s for so it’s easy for us to remember right, which is which is important.
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Jason Mefford: And it’s, it’s the little things each day. I mean, like you said that the, you know, the whole idea of karma.
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Jason Mefford: Comes into this as well, you know, that we don’t judge, we don’t take things personally because we don’t understand what our karma or other people’s karma is as well. Right. And so, like you said, you know, the young man that hit you with the bottle.
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Jason Mefford: For whatever reason, that happened, right. Maybe it was something that he had to learn. Obviously, it helped propel you to where you’re at today.
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Jason Mefford: So instead of, you know, like you said, just let it go. Right, instead of, instead of wallowing in it and thinking poor is, you know, Woe is me poor me just let it go and kind of learn the lesson.
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Jason Mefford: Is is fabulous. So so so again I mean is as far as because you’ve gotten into this, into this work, you know, and how, how has it helped you maybe what what I’m trying to think of is how can we
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Jason Mefford: Maybe give some people some practical things so they can look at just even today, take one or two of these today and let it start working in your life right
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Jason Mefford: So he said, be impeccable with your word. I think it was, do your best. Right. No, no assumptions. Don’t make assumptions and don’t take things personally so
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Steven Rivera: Which tool. Can we carry forever.
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Jason Mefford: Yeah, well, you know, and I think it’s even
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Jason Mefford: Yeah, because these are all similar of some work that I do with another man. He apprentices with a showman, and so a lot of the things that he’s telling us goes along with this, right.
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Jason Mefford: And it’s, it’s
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Jason Mefford: Yeah, so which one
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Jason Mefford: Because it’s some of my fit. I think the easiest one is is probably don’t take things personally. Right. I think if we if we start with that because I mean we could go in being impeccable with your word. There’s a whole
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Jason Mefford: There’s a whole thing with that and and we’re not as impeccable with our word as we think we are
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Jason Mefford: Because what we say we must do so better not to say that to say and not do right but i think i think some of the stuff around not taking things personally is that’s that’s an easy practical thing anybody can do today. Right. Somebody cuts you off in traffic.
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Jason Mefford: Let it go, or
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Jason Mefford: So, so, Stephen. How do you, you know, as you are teaching people because I know this is, you know, part of your life, passion, how do you, how do you teach people
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Jason Mefford: In kind of give them some ways of really incorporating are starting to get this into their life and being more mindful.
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Jason Mefford: About what they’re doing, and are they actually following The Four Agreements.
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Steven Rivera: Great question. I also agree it covers so much spiritual space. So this is usually depending on what the client needs I outline the four and then the way I teach it is I asked them to remain mindful of their thoughts when they are taking inspiration.
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Steven Rivera: For example, the perfect example that you use stuck in traffic. What are you telling yourself while you’re stuck in traffic.
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Steven Rivera: What’s going on in the internal narrative, the monologue that you’re having. Are you telling yourself. I suck. I’m horrible because I didn’t leave half an hour before. So it’s funny that you asked that question because last week I spoke to the son of
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Steven Rivera: The father of the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr. And he spoke to me and he said something like a lot of people read The Four Agreements, but it becomes the for attachments, it becomes the four constraints, because
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Steven Rivera: It was, it was so profound
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Jason Mefford: And
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Steven Rivera: He said I want people to start thinking, are they using the four agreements or the The Four Agreements using them.
00:22:08.610 –> 00:22:18.900
Steven Rivera: And I said, this guy is wise and it applies, because even not taking things personal if I do take something personal. Then I tell myself or I judge myself.
00:22:19.860 –> 00:22:30.990
Steven Rivera: For taking it personal, instead of just recognizing that I made a mistake and I can move on. That’s why I always do your best is a nice segue because it’s Don’t take it personal.
00:22:31.620 –> 00:22:44.550
Steven Rivera: You realize that you did and you try again tomorrow you, the goal is not the left of negative energy consumed. So now you can navigate mindfully. That’s the way I would describe that. Yeah.
00:22:44.850 –> 00:22:52.710
Kathy Gruver: Which completely crosses with what Eckhart says Eckhart Tolle a was it’s not the traffic. That’s the problem. It’s the story you’re telling about the traffic story.
00:22:53.040 –> 00:22:58.350
Kathy Gruver: Why is this person in front of me. Why are they being so dumb. Oh my god, don’t they have anything else to do.
00:22:58.590 –> 00:23:07.530
Kathy Gruver: Shoot, I should have been someplace else and you know I should have taken Third Street instead of fourth because forth as always crazy and what is wrong with me. I know better. And why did I listen to ways and you know it’s that stuff.
00:23:08.400 –> 00:23:15.450
Kathy Gruver: Which is why in that presence without that chatter that mind chatter, which is our ego identity. There’s no problem.
00:23:16.200 –> 00:23:19.980
Kathy Gruver: And when I teach mindfulness and presence. I know there’s no stress right now.
00:23:20.730 –> 00:23:27.300
Kathy Gruver: In this moment. Everything’s perfect. There’s no stress. There’s no problems. Nothing’s wrong. That’s the negative stuff from the past that we’re dragging along with us.
00:23:27.660 –> 00:23:35.430
Kathy Gruver: And those. What else that are keeping us awake at night in the future that are the problem in this present moment, unless you’re experiencing physical pain.
00:23:35.880 –> 00:23:43.830
Kathy Gruver: In this present moment. It’s not the problem. The traffic isn’t the problem now. It’s where you should have been 10 minutes ago where you’re supposed to be in five and you know you’re not going to make it.
00:23:45.090 –> 00:23:55.470
Kathy Gruver: And if we can stay present and not take it personally. This always happens. I hear people say that all the time. I always pick the wrong grocery store line. This always happens to me. I never get what I want
00:23:55.890 –> 00:24:00.720
Kathy Gruver: Really, it always happens to you every single time throughout history when you bet in line. It’s been the wrong one.
00:24:01.320 –> 00:24:09.270
Kathy Gruver: And they kind of laugh and they go, Well, probably not. It’s those, those, those words have always and never which we should just absolutely throw out because that’s not true.
00:24:10.140 –> 00:24:22.470
Kathy Gruver: But is it is about staying present and being mindful of what your thoughts are doing. And that’s hard to do because every three to five seconds. Our brain has something very important to tell us if it doesn’t it just mix it up.
00:24:23.670 –> 00:24:25.200
Kathy Gruver: Because if it, if it’s quiet.
00:24:26.400 –> 00:24:37.200
Kathy Gruver: Then, who are we, if we don’t have that brain chatter, who are we and that that search for identity. So for someone who’s little, little, little, little, little, little, little bit you know us vastly intelligent people who can’t stop thinking
00:24:38.910 –> 00:24:40.020
Kathy Gruver: How do we stop that chatter
00:24:42.120 –> 00:24:42.810
00:24:43.950 –> 00:24:55.350
Steven Rivera: I think what’s worked for me at least, right, because going back to the surgeries, the chatter right the physical pain was one thing, but the emotional pain.
00:24:55.800 –> 00:25:06.120
Steven Rivera: Is what I was telling myself. You’re stupid. No one’s ever gonna love you anymore. Why would they hire you. You look disabled, whatever. I would say to myself, and I don’t believe that anymore.
00:25:06.690 –> 00:25:16.710
Steven Rivera: But back then, it was so real to me. So I needed to learn how to disassociate with thought. And that’s why I think I’ve become so obsessed with the total ease
00:25:17.460 –> 00:25:29.670
Steven Rivera: With the horns that we spoke about, and I’m in search for consciousness. So what I’ve done is just become aware with empty space. So sometimes I’ll sit and I’ll just meditate.
00:25:30.750 –> 00:25:47.550
Steven Rivera: And just kind of just sit there and I read that if I get anxious. Sometimes the anxiety becomes what I observed. So I asked myself what am I, anxious about and and slowly the thoughts dissipate, if I may, I have. I don’t show everyone this. But you guys are special. I have my
00:25:49.140 –> 00:26:00.510
Steven Rivera: Eyes true is true. I have my nine written like almost like my own agreements and the one that I love the best when I’m super anxious is number five, and it says, Not everything is a threat.
00:26:01.110 –> 00:26:11.820
Steven Rivera: And I tell myself like relax man. No one’s out to hurt you relax my book that it’s all like you kind of said it already. It’s all in your mind. And what are we telling ourselves. So, so what I do.
00:26:12.210 –> 00:26:21.570
Steven Rivera: Is I remain as president as possible. Deep breathing throughout the day and then I wear my cool little gems, which kind of just it’s a physical reminder to sleep.
00:26:24.240 –> 00:26:25.740
Kathy Gruver: Yeah, I love that I have
00:26:26.940 –> 00:26:30.090
Kathy Gruver: I have so many of those bracelets that are scattered sort of all over
00:26:30.810 –> 00:26:42.360
Kathy Gruver: Because when I was doing when I was open and allowed to do massage. I can’t wear anything but I’ve got Buddhist meditation beads on my wall and Jason I have done several episodes that we entitled what’s on your desk.
00:26:43.260 –> 00:26:48.480
Kathy Gruver: And it is, it’s about surrounding yourself you know I’m in my office today and I’m looking around and
00:26:49.290 –> 00:26:57.840
Kathy Gruver: Everything I see reminds me of either someone from my past client that has given me something or to stop and breathe and relax for a second, you know,
00:26:58.680 –> 00:27:08.790
Kathy Gruver: And it’s just, it’s so good to have those reminders to stop and be present. And one of the questions that I always ask that I have my clients ask when they’re having stress stuff is
00:27:09.270 –> 00:27:16.260
Kathy Gruver: Do I know that to be true. Something not everything’s a threat. Do I know that to be true. Do I really know that the guy in front of me in traffic.
00:27:16.710 –> 00:27:23.310
Kathy Gruver: Books down the freeway and when I’m gonna cut her off. Do I know that to be true, or I’ve had grown women say
00:27:23.640 –> 00:27:30.030
Kathy Gruver: I’m mad because I waved at best in the parking lot, and she didn’t wave back and she must not like me and I’m like, are we
00:27:30.690 –> 00:27:36.390
Kathy Gruver: Why are we having this conversation. Maybe she didn’t see you. Maybe she’s distracted. Maybe she wasn’t wearing her glasses.
00:27:36.840 –> 00:27:46.200
Kathy Gruver: What do you know to be true. And unless you sit this woman down and say, Hey, I saw you in the parking lot and I waved and I’m really hurt because you didn’t wave back. What was up with that.
00:27:46.680 –> 00:27:57.090
Kathy Gruver: You never know what’s true, you can make up any story you want, what do you know to be true. And it’s the same thing as that not everything is a threat and not everything is out to get us and I think that
00:27:57.570 –> 00:28:05.850
Kathy Gruver: That what do I know to be true actually sort of quiet, our thoughts for a second and allows us just to be present in this moment. This is all we have is this moment right here.
00:28:08.070 –> 00:28:13.440
Kathy Gruver: And it just brings us back to balance brings us back to balance. So I’m looking at the clock and I realized we blown through our half hour.
00:28:14.700 –> 00:28:15.450
Kathy Gruver: I want to stay all day.
00:28:20.310 –> 00:28:25.200
Jason Mefford: Yeah, I think it’s, you know, you know, Stephen. Thank you for, for coming on. I mean, the
00:28:26.850 –> 00:28:29.310
Jason Mefford: As humans, one, one of the things that I’ve
00:28:30.450 –> 00:28:36.900
Jason Mefford: I’ve noticed is, you know, we think we love ourselves, but we don’t really love ourselves as much as we think we do.
00:28:37.800 –> 00:28:50.490
Jason Mefford: And and you know those thoughts. You know, like you were expressing you know that we end up having go through our head are not the kinds of things that we would say to someone that we love.
00:28:51.780 –> 00:29:05.760
Jason Mefford: But, but we tend to do that to ourselves. Quite often, you know, and so that’s why, you know, remembering do your best, right. Just, just do, just do your best that you can have some compassion for yourself, because we’re going to screw up sometimes right
00:29:06.990 –> 00:29:14.820
Jason Mefford: Change the stories don’t try to take things personally and just be as present as possible. And you know, I think.
00:29:15.540 –> 00:29:30.990
Jason Mefford: Like you said, you know when when people get in that, you know, what do you do, you talked about doing deep breathing, you know about just kind of relaxing and some of that stuff that are simple things that all of us can do every day if we just remember to breathe. Right.
00:29:32.040 –> 00:29:39.750
Jason Mefford: I mean, if I if I’m feeling I got all that monkey chatter in my head. And I’m coming to you and I’m like Stephen I just did another my head. What are you gonna tell me to do.
00:29:41.130 –> 00:29:41.610
Steven Rivera: Breathing.
00:29:42.000 –> 00:29:42.630
Jason Mefford: Deep breathing.
00:29:43.830 –> 00:29:49.920
Jason Mefford: And what’s so amazing is it only takes, like, a minute 90 seconds 90 seconds of breathing.
00:29:52.230 –> 00:29:55.140
Steven Rivera: Very powerful stuff. Very powerful. Yeah.
00:29:55.350 –> 00:30:00.060
Kathy Gruver: And I just rose. I love that you share that you have your own agreements and I’m thinking, why don’t we all do that.
00:30:02.040 –> 00:30:04.680
Kathy Gruver: Because I know that one of mine would be, be gentle with yourself.
00:30:06.150 –> 00:30:13.740
Kathy Gruver: I’m very hard. My inner Capricorn comes out and is that taskmaster and it’s great. She keeps me on task. She keeps me professional she keeps me accomplishing things
00:30:14.280 –> 00:30:18.270
Kathy Gruver: She’s also really a bitch, and she can be very hard on me.
00:30:18.690 –> 00:30:25.470
Kathy Gruver: And that’s an aspect of myself that I’ve developed over the years. It’s inner you know that inner critic that inner you’re not doing enough
00:30:25.770 –> 00:30:37.890
Kathy Gruver: And it’s like, I have to be gentle with myself. There are days you sit on the couch and play Pokemon. It just happens. I mean, that’s, you know, you have to give yourself the permission to take a break and do that. So I’m going to get up when we’re done here. I’m going to write my agreements.
00:30:39.090 –> 00:30:41.880
Kathy Gruver: Because I think I need to have some of those Jason will share or agreements next time.
00:30:42.600 –> 00:30:45.600
Jason Mefford: Oh yeah. That means I actually have to do it well my
00:30:46.020 –> 00:30:46.830
Kathy Gruver: Capricorn over to
00:30:49.860 –> 00:30:50.730
Jason Mefford: This shape right
00:30:51.240 –> 00:30:56.460
Jason Mefford: But, but I think it’s interesting because the, you know, that’s probably a great idea because because like you said, I mean,
00:30:58.350 –> 00:31:05.730
Jason Mefford: You know when you’re talking with Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr. You know, he says, are you letting the Four Agreements control you are using them right
00:31:06.360 –> 00:31:23.970
Jason Mefford: And again, it’s like you know for some of us, slightly different words might resonate so actually writing out your own kind of agreements, based on this, but in your words is probably going to be much more powerful for people as well so
00:31:24.030 –> 00:31:33.420
Steven Rivera: So the goal there was to kind of do mix up my own affirmations, coupled with spiritual truths like Kathy said. The second one is, be nice to yourself.
00:31:34.140 –> 00:31:47.130
Steven Rivera: Yeah. And then my favorite here because it’s attracted a lot of opportunities is just thank you literally nothing. No, just thank sitting in the space of gratitude. Thank you.
00:31:48.720 –> 00:31:50.160
Steven Rivera: Very good. Yeah.
00:31:50.250 –> 00:31:52.950
Jason Mefford: Huge, huge, huge I’m
00:31:53.160 –> 00:32:04.650
Kathy Gruver: Very grateful for you, Steve. And I’m so glad that I that we connected and that that we got to share this up this experience with you. This has been amazing. Where can people reach you, where can they find your podcast.
00:32:06.420 –> 00:32:18.360
Steven Rivera: So guys, you guys been great. It’s been a lot of fun. Um, if anyone wants to hear from me directly, my podcast can be found anchor.fm slash mindful wizard.
00:32:18.960 –> 00:32:29.010
Steven Rivera: And if you want to find me on Instagram. I’m just mindful wizard one word mindful wizard and the link is in the bio and you can find my my podcast there.
00:32:30.270 –> 00:32:33.090
Jason Mefford: Okay, Instagram and podcast.
00:32:34.080 –> 00:32:41.010
Kathy Gruver: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for tonight on Instagram. I’m gonna go do that right now. This has been amazing. Thank you so much for having
00:32:42.030 –> 00:32:44.310
Jason Mefford: Taking the time with us. This was beautiful.
00:32:44.640 –> 00:32:47.490
Kathy Gruver: I’m Kathy Gruber. I can be reached at Kathy Gruber calm.
00:32:48.030 –> 00:33:04.410
Jason Mefford: And I’m Jason method I can be reached at Jason method calm, so probably rewind this episode, listen to it again and your takeaway is come up with some agreements that you can start incorporating in yourself, start being more kind to yourself and
00:33:05.520 –> 00:33:17.340
Jason Mefford: Go out and live the best life that you can because that’s why we’re here. This is why we’re doing this and we’ll can Stephen again thank you and we’ll catch everybody else on the next episode of the fire North podcast. See you. Yeah.