We all have our little quirks, kinks, and fetishes. Instead of embracing and exploring them, most people live in guilt and shame thinking they can’t express their true self.

​In this #fireandearthpodcast #podcast episode we talk with Miss Lila Sage, who people describe as a confident woman who inspires others to create according to their soul’s purpose. A French word sums up her abilities; she is an Inspiratrice.

She transforms play into sacred expression, weaving spirituality and sensuality with her classical training as a Dominatrix. Her background as a certified hypnotherapist allows her to infuse mindfulness and tools of self mastery into her client’s lives.

This is a ground breaking episode and you will see there is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about on your journey of becoming the real you.

And since Miss Lila is a Dominatrix, some of the common misconceptions about this are busted and explained, since we had a lot of questions.

Reach out to Miss Lila at: misslilasage.com


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Jason Mefford: Welcome to another episode of the fire and earth podcast i’m your co host Jason method.

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Kathy Gruver: And I am Cathy grew her, and we have a very special guest today, and I am so looking forward to this conversation.

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Kathy Gruver: As Jason and I said off the air everything goes back to trap us, we have an amazing guest today and she was one of my first actually my very first trapeze class is how we met so.

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Kathy Gruver: Beautiful inspiration to me amazing woman we’ve got wireless age here today, so welcome aboard laila good to see ya.

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Lila Sage C.Ht.: And now they’re so happy to be here, thank you Jason and Kathy.

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Kathy Gruver: Absolutely, so why don’t you tell everybody who you are and what you do, because this might.

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Kathy Gruver: People are gonna be like what.

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Lila Sage C.Ht.: Sir, and I am a certified hypnotherapist and I also work privately with clients is a dominatrix.

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Kathy Gruver: Very cool i’m so excited to have this.

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Lila Sage C.Ht.: conversation.

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Kathy Gruver: With from from both ends of this, the hypnosis and and the dominatrix end of this so.

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Kathy Gruver: For people who are going wait dominates what let’s tell everybody what that is first because there’s so many misconceptions about that, and what role that plays in people’s lives so let’s let’s clarify those missed a little bit.

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Lila Sage C.Ht.: Right so working in that field i’m meeting with clients either virtually or in person for one on one sessions, we can include activities of bsm which is.

00:01:22.350 –> 00:01:41.070
Lila Sage C.Ht.: bondage dominance submission and masochism and sometimes that can look like role play sometimes it’s more on the ritual side yeah teaching people to connect in with their inner senses and to explore parts of themselves, they wouldn’t normally show to the rest of the world.

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Kathy Gruver: i’m watching jason’s mind.

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Jason Mefford: Though.

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Jason Mefford: it’s it’s one of these, again, I mean because this podcast is to help people unlock their potential right and and a lot of that is becoming curious.

00:01:59.370 –> 00:02:10.080
Jason Mefford: Looking at the world in different ways right and so again, I know some people when they hear the word dominate tricks right and they hear the DSM they’re like oh all right.

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Jason Mefford: But, but it really is, you know, a way for people to tap into themselves more authentically and express themselves more right.

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Jason Mefford: And so that’s what that’s where I kind of want to go to is because, again for a lot of people, this might be new or it might.

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Jason Mefford: Get because I know you know, sometimes in our culture is seen as like being kinky right a lot of times that word goes along with it.

00:02:37.440 –> 00:02:49.830
Jason Mefford: But it’s not right, and so you know getting into that a little bit more and kind of understanding how How does this actually unlock How does it help people get more into.

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Jason Mefford: who they are, you know, like you said, the sensing and and and some of that kind of stuff as well because it’s very much that.

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Lila Sage C.Ht.: Yes.

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Lila Sage C.Ht.: I was there’s a lot in there, like.

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Jason Mefford: A four star where everyone let’s see where this goes right.

00:03:08.790 –> 00:03:14.280
Lila Sage C.Ht.: I was thinking about jumping back to the word kinky because I think that everyone has a kink.

00:03:14.940 –> 00:03:15.690
Jason Mefford: And we all do.

00:03:15.930 –> 00:03:16.830
Jason Mefford: Right yeah.

00:03:16.860 –> 00:03:26.490
Lila Sage C.Ht.: I just find can’t get a very broad term of any non traditional desire, so you can use it kind of jokingly of like Oh, I have a.

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Lila Sage C.Ht.: I don’t know peanut butter and jelly sandwich King someone probably does somewhere.

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Lila Sage C.Ht.: But it’s more to describe something that you’re like really excited and passionate about.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah yeah well and actually I was gonna kind of disagree with you when you said that Jason of people, because I think it kind of is kinky I may right there’s a certain aspect of that to the bds em world.

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Jason Mefford: Only only I think because it’s not mainstream.

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Jason Mefford: Right so again, I mean like you said kinky we all have our kinks we all have our little whatever they are right, even if it’s peanut butter and jelly sandwich I love I love rubbing peanut butter on myself i’m just making this up right but but it’s.

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Jason Mefford: Also, that right, but, but if that’s something that that I enjoy right it’s different than what most people enjoy and so some people might look at me and go that’s a little kinky or that’s a little weird right.

00:04:23.310 –> 00:04:32.280
Jason Mefford: But it works for me right, and I think that’s where you know a lot of times you know some of this stuff that maybe isn’t.

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Jason Mefford: People don’t know about it’s not considered mainstream there’s a lot of guilt and shame, I think that goes along with this right like.

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Jason Mefford: Like again if I love rubbing peanut butter all over myself i’m afraid or i’m scared to let other people know that I like to do that because i’m afraid people are gonna think i’m weird right, I mean i’m sure this is one of the big things that you work with with your clients right.

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Lila Sage C.Ht.: Definitely and i’ve noticed when people come in oftentimes they’ve they have this really strong desire something they feel really called toward but either they’ve been shot down by partners in the past friends in the past there’s been some kind of.

00:05:18.420 –> 00:05:22.680
Lila Sage C.Ht.: moment where they’ve learned that they need to put that away and to not show that to people.

00:05:23.190 –> 00:05:31.560
Lila Sage C.Ht.: So that’s something that we get to happen to during the scenes is like Okay, what is that piece that really wants to come forward and be expressive and.

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Lila Sage C.Ht.: As a facilitator for me it’s how do I hold space for that, how do I encourage this piece to you know come out in a way that’s safe and consensual and.

00:05:41.160 –> 00:05:51.870
Lila Sage C.Ht.: is ultimately working towards that person’s greater good, and whatever they want to accomplish in life, whether that’s more focus motivation more presence more embodiment.

00:05:52.890 –> 00:05:54.870
Lila Sage C.Ht.: All of that can show up yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: Can you give us a definition for people who really don’t know of Dom sub and switch.

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Kathy Gruver: For people who don’t understand those terms.

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Lila Sage C.Ht.: So so so generally in a scene and that’s jargon for anytime that you’re coming together pre-negotiated to play to interact a Dom is usually the person who is.

00:06:16.950 –> 00:06:27.600
Lila Sage C.Ht.: Facilitating or doing the action to the person who’s receiving, who is a sub and also code for submissive Dom is code for dominant for short and rather.

00:06:28.320 –> 00:06:45.360
Lila Sage C.Ht.: And a switch is someone who feels comfortable in either role so sometimes that will be switching during a scene, or maybe one scene with one partner, they identify as dominant and another scene with another partner that identifies the message yeah cool.

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Kathy Gruver: Great because I think there’s you know.

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Kathy Gruver: When 50 shades of grey came out.

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Kathy Gruver: Which i’m not.

00:06:54.540 –> 00:06:59.280
Kathy Gruver: But I think that was sort of the first mainstream introduction to this concept.

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Kathy Gruver: Right, did you see a lot of people wanting to explore this lifestyle more or these types of scenes more after that movie in those books came out, I mean did that, like spark people’s interest.

00:07:09.840 –> 00:07:18.330
Lila Sage C.Ht.: Oh definitely yeah anytime I think you take something a little bit more mainstream and makes it more accessible, I was noticing more clubs popping up.

00:07:18.960 –> 00:07:32.490
Lila Sage C.Ht.: And more toy shops different things which I think is wonderful i’m really happy that you know people are able to see this kind of world that’s been closeted or hidden for so long.

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Lila Sage C.Ht.: I don’t know yesterday, and now that there’s more acceptance or can kind of poke out people can.

00:07:39.150 –> 00:07:40.980
Lila Sage C.Ht.: afford to be more curious.

00:07:43.500 –> 00:07:46.800
Kathy Gruver: So how have you seen this help people in life.

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Kathy Gruver: Is it simply an empowerment thing does it help just help them tap into parts of themselves, they haven’t seen before, like How does that translate as we in yoga we say off the pillow How does that translate out of the.

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Kathy Gruver: dungeon i’ll say that even though it’s probably not true.

00:08:03.660 –> 00:08:12.240
Lila Sage C.Ht.: it’s definitely a term for it um yeah it depends on what each client is working on, but if they’re coming in, for like.

00:08:12.750 –> 00:08:26.070
Lila Sage C.Ht.: circling to yoga for more embodiment to feel more present then ideally as they’re moving about their day interacting with family members co workers, whoever it is they’re going to feel more present.

00:08:26.490 –> 00:08:43.740
Lila Sage C.Ht.: More embodied because we’ve practiced it on a subconscious level and our session so now they kind of have a new default of Okay, this is what it feels like to be more embodied to be more present now I can practice this out in their normal everyday life.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah beautiful I love that.

00:08:46.410 –> 00:08:58.560
Jason Mefford: Quote I think it’s interesting because I didn’t realize that you’re a hypnotist as well right, and so, but but as you’re as you’re talking about it, and one of the lines that you brought up that I kind of want to go to for a little bit is.

00:08:59.490 –> 00:09:11.790
Jason Mefford: You know, when people have these desires in and again, it can be whatever it is right when we feel rejected by a partner that becomes a little trauma event right.

00:09:11.910 –> 00:09:14.490
Jason Mefford: And like you said, most of the time we shove, it down.

00:09:15.720 –> 00:09:25.710
Jason Mefford: You know, we we pack it away, and if you do that enough right that starts to lead to a lot of these negative emotions, the guilt, the shame.

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Jason Mefford: You know, living in those spaces of you know i’m weird i’m different you know I i’m not like everybody else that that all of us have in in different parts of our life, especially but.

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Jason Mefford: But, especially sexually right there’s a lot more emotion kind of kind of tied to that and it, it can be even some simple things right like hey i’m feeling good I want, I want to have fun tonight and you go to your partner and it’s like I have a headache right.

00:09:57.540 –> 00:10:05.430
Jason Mefford: Which is I mean everybody has experienced that i’m sure right because one partner may just not feel well physically that and that’s fine but.

00:10:06.060 –> 00:10:16.350
Jason Mefford: But the partner who initiates feels a little rejected at that point right so so i’ve got a you know, believe in this is where like I said that the hypnosis.

00:10:17.040 –> 00:10:27.150
Jason Mefford: hypnosis side of it too it’s like I never even thought of it that way, but i’m sure again that’s that’s one of the tools that you’re able to use as well to help people kind of.

00:10:27.600 –> 00:10:40.830
Jason Mefford: Release some of these blocks and realize you don’t have to shove, it down it’s okay to be you it’s okay to be more present it’s okay to feel deeply to have these emotions to to do all of that stuff as well right right.

00:10:41.040 –> 00:10:51.270
Lila Sage C.Ht.: And to get out of your head, you know I think when we get stuck in that whatever story if there was a traumatic incident that happens you’re kind of cycling not.

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Lila Sage C.Ht.: You know, and so, while while we’re in session, while i’m working with people they get to get out of that space.

00:11:00.690 –> 00:11:04.470
Lila Sage C.Ht.: And a bit more into yeah more into their authenticity.

00:11:07.170 –> 00:11:09.360
Kathy Gruver: So any questions just.

00:11:10.260 –> 00:11:16.500
Kathy Gruver: Because, because I know this, I know this world so it’s like i’m trying to decide, like what to ask for people who are not familiar with a sort of thing.

00:11:18.780 –> 00:11:30.210
Kathy Gruver: For for people who I mean I when i’m doing life coaching inevitably we talk about sex and intimacy at some point, it just it seems to be especially if its relationship coach and it seems to be the basis of so many things.

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Kathy Gruver: So, specifically for women, who tend to be more reserved who tend to be more alive don’t even want to get undressed in with the lights on at you know that they’ve suppressed or repress so much of their sexuality and their desire.

00:11:44.820 –> 00:11:53.250
Kathy Gruver: What would you tell them, I mean like what would their first step be to really tapping into that authenticity and that sexuality and sensuality that they might have shoved down.

00:11:54.060 –> 00:11:54.450

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Lila Sage C.Ht.: I would say that curious exploration, is a good place to start if you’re wanting to figure out what the things that you enjoy are.

00:12:06.330 –> 00:12:15.450
Lila Sage C.Ht.: And, and it doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual, you know that can be joining a bath for yourself giving yourself a little foot massage anything that’s going to.

00:12:16.590 –> 00:12:24.510
Lila Sage C.Ht.: Get you feeling good and then I think once you’ve identified what it is that you want presenting it to a partner in a way that.

00:12:26.550 –> 00:12:36.240
Lila Sage C.Ht.: feels approachable feels soft I really like to say, you know it would make me really happy if, or you know what would make me really happy why don’t we try.

00:12:37.080 –> 00:12:44.850
Lila Sage C.Ht.: Blank yeah yeah because their partner is going to be excited then Oh, I know something that I can do, and help with and.

00:12:45.240 –> 00:12:56.730
Lila Sage C.Ht.: engage with that’s going to bring this person enjoyment, bringing this person pleasure and that’s really satisfying for a partner to be like I can just do this thing, and I know that it’s going to have a positive effect.

00:12:57.000 –> 00:13:00.870
Lila Sage C.Ht.: So actually you’re kind of giving your partner that gift by being so explicit about it.

00:13:01.200 –> 00:13:14.700
Lila Sage C.Ht.: But it does take getting in touch with what you’re wanting, and then the scary part for some people coming forward and saying hi, this is a desire that I have, how can we work together, work together sounds funny but.

00:13:15.060 –> 00:13:20.400
Kathy Gruver: yeah well, but it is it’s a partnership, I mean, and you know that’s one of the things I love, when I was teaching couples massage.

00:13:20.790 –> 00:13:24.210
Kathy Gruver: Is I would say to them look, you know if you can communicate on the table of.

00:13:24.420 –> 00:13:29.520
Kathy Gruver: that’s too much pressure that’s great can you go a little to the left little to the right then that’s going to translate to every part of your relationship.

00:13:29.730 –> 00:13:37.500
Kathy Gruver: Because if you’re so self conscious to not even say, could you do a little bit of deeper pressure you’re not gonna be able to say a little bit deeper pressure elsewhere.

00:13:38.490 –> 00:13:41.880
Kathy Gruver: So it’s like to me it was just that that perfect introduction to that communication and.

00:13:42.150 –> 00:13:52.440
Kathy Gruver: And I agree with you, it comes down to that knowing what you want, knowing what you like, and that takes self exploration and that takes a little bit of just you know knowledge of of sometimes even what your options are.

00:13:53.190 –> 00:14:04.620
Kathy Gruver: You know i’ve given people books or referred them to things where they go I didn’t even know that was a thing and it’s like it’s an endless world right of things that you can try and do one misconception that i’ve heard a lot is.

00:14:06.450 –> 00:14:18.780
Kathy Gruver: Women who want who are submissive to a Dom male I have heard guys say who we talked about this female empowerment nellies wouldn’t want to be tied up food and they get all they have a complete misconception about one the.

00:14:19.170 –> 00:14:28.200
Kathy Gruver: idea of top and bottom which, if you can explain that to but also like Why would a woman who wants to be empowered want to be dominated by a man so Those are two things to.

00:14:29.820 –> 00:14:43.440
Lila Sage C.Ht.: got it so for defining terms top and bottom, so we identified earlier, Dom and sub is more about the power dynamic it’s more about tightening that difference in status to play with it and make it more explicit.

00:14:43.770 –> 00:14:52.320
Lila Sage C.Ht.: Whereas with top and bottom it’s strictly, who is doing the action, who is receiving the auction it doesn’t necessarily have to have a power dynamic.

00:14:53.100 –> 00:15:04.380
Lila Sage C.Ht.: And it can be to friends of like oh here i’m curious to learn how to tie this knot and then you’re tying or not, but your meeting as friends, not in a titan dynamic so that makes sense yeah okay.

00:15:05.820 –> 00:15:13.530
Lila Sage C.Ht.: And then you’re also asking about female empowerment and why would women, you know choose to do this.

00:15:14.250 –> 00:15:32.100
Lila Sage C.Ht.: it’s funny because what’s happening from the outside looking in isn’t the same thing that the person is experiencing when they’re in it, so if someone is in bondage and rope being tied it might look like a really constricting experience like Why would you want to be.

00:15:33.120 –> 00:15:44.160
Lila Sage C.Ht.: Like shrunken or disempowered and that way unable to move, but actually what’s happening and the internal experience for the bottom for the person receiving is.

00:15:45.660 –> 00:15:55.890
Lila Sage C.Ht.: Generally, the exact opposite you’re feeling held you’re feeling contained Therefore, you can emotionally release, you can give more of your energy and.

00:15:57.210 –> 00:16:05.850
Lila Sage C.Ht.: So yeah they’re experiencing these deeper states of release actually even though from the outside, it looks like bondage containment.

00:16:07.200 –> 00:16:16.740
Lila Sage C.Ht.: So yeah women are can be doing it for that sense of empowerment for that sense of release an opening that it can bring yeah, even if it doesn’t look that way.

00:16:18.660 –> 00:16:27.870
Kathy Gruver: Well it’s perception right it’s so many things, because people watch 50 shades of grey and I remember watching with a partner and I were flipping channels and it was on, I wonder if we catch it on a good scene.

00:16:28.860 –> 00:16:39.870
Kathy Gruver: and his comment was women talk about empowerment, then you want to be tied up and smacked Okay, but it’s not it’s so such a one weird way, I mean that’s not what it’s about.

00:16:40.950 –> 00:16:55.140
Kathy Gruver: and often it tell me if i’m right on this it’s the very Taipei very uncontrolled very driven people that want to be subs because they finally want to give up that control, they want to just be held in that place of safety and trust.

00:16:56.970 –> 00:16:58.170
Kathy Gruver: Is the Am I right on that one.

00:16:59.220 –> 00:17:07.110
Lila Sage C.Ht.: From my experience, yes I think we’re all seeking balance in our lives and if you’re spending, you know you’re.

00:17:08.160 –> 00:17:20.970
Lila Sage C.Ht.: day to day, eight hours a day, however many hours a day being very in control and empower sometimes it’s nice to not have to do that right we get decision fatigue like I don’t care just pick the restaurant for tonight.

00:17:21.900 –> 00:17:28.290
Lila Sage C.Ht.: it’s basically that right you’re saying to your partner okay i’m gonna allow you to choose, and I trust you to choose.

00:17:29.310 –> 00:17:30.390
Lila Sage C.Ht.: And I can relax.

00:17:31.620 –> 00:17:39.480
Kathy Gruver: yeah and relinquish that control, which is very hard for people to do you know it’s very hard for us type A people to just go all right you’re in charge, I trust you.

00:17:40.650 –> 00:17:42.600
Kathy Gruver: I guess I don’t know really you know.

00:17:44.130 –> 00:17:51.390
Jason Mefford: it’s interesting because you know you mentioned 50 shades of grey but another one too is the show billions I don’t know if you guys have seen that.

00:17:51.930 –> 00:18:02.910
Jason Mefford: But one of the lead characters in there again he’s the US District attorney in New York very powerful type A man, but again he likes to be submissive.

00:18:03.570 –> 00:18:13.500
Jason Mefford: And, and again it’s one of those who actually brings it out, I mean that’s again another show that a lot of people have seen and see this other side to it as well right where again.

00:18:13.980 –> 00:18:28.620
Jason Mefford: he’s having to sneak around he’s a political figure he’s well known, you know but he’s having to go to the clubs or do some of these other things and get caught caught right which can have a big impact on on.

00:18:29.370 –> 00:18:39.750
Jason Mefford: his career and his life again but it kind of fits that you know type A person in the world, but desires that submissiveness in the bedroom.

00:18:40.320 –> 00:18:46.290
Jason Mefford: And so totally totally makes sense to me, but you know again kind of for for some of the people that again that’s.

00:18:46.800 –> 00:18:57.150
Jason Mefford: going to be kind of thinking, well, what is this right because, again, I think a lot of people they look at this because we talked about the empowered women right and and the fact that.

00:18:57.870 –> 00:19:09.960
Jason Mefford: You know if it’s a female dominated tricks, then it kind of like seems like it’s Okay, but if it’s a male, then I think to a lot of people, it might seem like rape.

00:19:10.470 –> 00:19:19.590
Jason Mefford: or or something that is non consensual right because there’s I mean there’s porn that’s been around forever that’s that’s male dominated.

00:19:19.980 –> 00:19:28.080
Jason Mefford: And you kind of wonder is it consensual, or is it not, you know kind of a thing, so I wanted to talk a little bit about that consensual part because.

00:19:28.620 –> 00:19:40.020
Jason Mefford: To me that’s that’s the the big deal and, especially, you know if you’re somebody who may be your partner wants to be more submissive that you don’t have to feel like.

00:19:40.410 –> 00:19:53.820
Jason Mefford: i’m raping this person or controlling this person because they’re asking for it right, because I think that’s one of the big misconceptions out there to like Why would I want to demean.

00:19:54.540 –> 00:20:08.310
Jason Mefford: My partner, by doing that thing right so, can you talk to that a little bit because, like you said being being bonded being tied up on the outside looks one way, but it’s different to the person receiving.

00:20:09.600 –> 00:20:20.100
Lila Sage C.Ht.: Right, and I think it starts early on, something I think the King Community does really well is creating frameworks for having conversations we call it negotiation.

00:20:21.150 –> 00:20:22.260
Lila Sage C.Ht.: It sounds very business.

00:20:23.910 –> 00:20:36.330
Lila Sage C.Ht.: But it’s basically when you’re meeting with someone and that could be you know partner lover whoever and you’re having a conversation like this very casual devoid of emotion devoid of turn on.

00:20:36.840 –> 00:20:44.400
Lila Sage C.Ht.: And just to place your boundaries, to say the things that you are and aren’t interested in doing and.

00:20:45.240 –> 00:20:53.520
Lila Sage C.Ht.: could be to express what words you like being called and don’t like being called so you’re laying it out as explicitly, as you can.

00:20:54.030 –> 00:20:57.840
Lila Sage C.Ht.: So that you both can agree or however many people are involved can agree.

00:20:58.260 –> 00:21:13.380
Lila Sage C.Ht.: To those terms and then it’s also knowing that while that scene, while that play is taking place, that all parties feel empowered to say hey, we need to stop slow down change things that ropes in a weird spot, could you scratch my left ear.

00:21:17.430 –> 00:21:29.670
Lila Sage C.Ht.: So, knowing that at any time, anyone can add things switch things up, as long as they fit into that framework that you created in the beginning and that’s what keeps it safe and consensual.

00:21:30.780 –> 00:21:31.440
Lila Sage C.Ht.: for everyone.

00:21:32.880 –> 00:21:46.530
Kathy Gruver: yeah well and to take it out of the dungeon into real life, how often do we go into situations, whether it’s business or a date or an exchange with a friend, where we don’t lay the ground rules first.

00:21:46.980 –> 00:21:53.910
Kathy Gruver: And I think that is so vastly important to know what are your expectations, what do you want, what do you expect to get out of this.

00:21:54.180 –> 00:22:03.960
Kathy Gruver: Coffee date this business meeting this discovery call you know that’s one of those places where I think what happens in our personal life and private life translates to the bigger world.

00:22:04.890 –> 00:22:12.540
Kathy Gruver: And when I when I divorced and started dating I was very clear with with the guys, I was dating about what I was looking for.

00:22:12.780 –> 00:22:17.850
Kathy Gruver: What my objectives were i’m not interested in the long term relationship I don’t want it, you know I like I laid that out.

00:22:18.180 –> 00:22:23.370
Kathy Gruver: But it took a lot of self reflection for me to know what I wanted to know what I was looking for.

00:22:23.700 –> 00:22:29.220
Kathy Gruver: And if something was going a direction I didn’t like I went out, you know this isn’t working for me thank you so much, whether it was as a.

00:22:29.580 –> 00:22:35.250
Kathy Gruver: match.com date or a guy met at a at a nightclub it’s so it’s just I think that communication.

00:22:35.850 –> 00:22:48.270
Kathy Gruver: Those expectations and laying that out and being firm in your boundaries, I think that’s one of the things that the the Dom some world and the bsm helps you figure out is what are your boundaries what is that hard stop what.

00:22:48.990 –> 00:22:54.540
Kathy Gruver: Do you are you I don’t want to say willing to but like what are you willing to accept or not accept.

00:22:54.750 –> 00:22:59.580
Kathy Gruver: And so I think that’s just a perfect parallel for bringing that stuff out of the bedroom into the real world.

00:23:01.830 –> 00:23:08.190
Jason Mefford: wants me to see it seems like to that there’s you know there’s a lot of jokes about we were we were watching another show, and it was.

00:23:08.670 –> 00:23:24.720
Jason Mefford: there’s kind of the whole joke, you know, like 730 on Wednesday missionary style for 10 minutes right that that a lot of because that was one of the scenes this lady was like Oh, you know every Wednesday night at 730 from 730 to 735 it was wonderful.

00:23:25.950 –> 00:23:26.130
Jason Mefford: But.

00:23:28.380 –> 00:23:37.440
Jason Mefford: Anyway, yeah you have to get the whole context of the show but, but you know I think a lot of times, especially you know in in romantic relationships.

00:23:37.860 –> 00:23:52.020
Jason Mefford: It gets it gets stale after a while it gets into a routine we all kind of get into routines and so some of the some of the role playing right or different I think he used the word scenes right.

00:23:53.160 –> 00:24:02.160
Jason Mefford: can actually add some spice to the relationship as well you know and again it’s like you know for me role play seems a little.

00:24:03.420 –> 00:24:08.880
Jason Mefford: i’m not an actor right so it’s like it’s it’s a little uncomfortable for me at first.

00:24:09.360 –> 00:24:17.670
Jason Mefford: right but there’s there’s is some of that excitement to it, you know it’s like for the next hour let’s just pretend that we’re.

00:24:18.210 –> 00:24:32.820
Jason Mefford: Completely somebody else somebody else from what we are our normal you know day that everybody sees on the outside, when you get into it, there has to be a very free and feeling to that as well.

00:24:33.840 –> 00:24:44.100
Lila Sage C.Ht.: mm hmm have found a child, a new persona right experiment with different things, but would it be like, if I was a little bit feisty or or a little more demure or a little more.

00:24:45.900 –> 00:24:54.810
Lila Sage C.Ht.: passionate about what i’m asking for yeah yeah and then you get to try them all on and see which ones, you want to keep and which ones can go back and the toy chest.

00:24:55.140 –> 00:25:00.600
Kathy Gruver: yeah well and we talked a lot about ego states which is parts work and hypnotherapy and internal family systems and.

00:25:00.810 –> 00:25:07.560
Kathy Gruver: You know it’s really is it’s we all have that part we have that dominant part we have that submissive part we have that really take charge part.

00:25:07.830 –> 00:25:14.820
Kathy Gruver: And if you can tap into those again out of the business or you know, out of the boardroom maybe then you can decide to put that part on someplace else.

00:25:15.210 –> 00:25:22.500
Kathy Gruver: So I think that’s you know it’s talking about these different we all have these different aspects of ourselves well, let me ask you this, is it always about sex.

00:25:24.660 –> 00:25:29.910
Lila Sage C.Ht.: No, I mean for some people, it can be and depends on how tight in.

00:25:31.050 –> 00:25:31.620
Lila Sage C.Ht.: That is.

00:25:31.800 –> 00:25:33.120
Lila Sage C.Ht.: A personal dynamic right I.

00:25:35.160 –> 00:25:36.180
Lila Sage C.Ht.: didn’t even see it coming.

00:25:37.290 –> 00:25:41.400
Lila Sage C.Ht.: um but for some people it’s purely sensational.

00:25:42.420 –> 00:25:55.170
Lila Sage C.Ht.: yeah it’s about what they’re feeling on their body what they’re feeling internally and yeah that can happen, you know, two feet away from someone with flogger or that can happen just with words.

00:25:56.550 –> 00:25:57.480
Lila Sage C.Ht.: Can yeah.

00:25:57.840 –> 00:25:59.250
Kathy Gruver: I asked, I knew the answer that.

00:25:59.430 –> 00:26:09.210
Kathy Gruver: Most people think it’s tied, I mean most people assume this was just 100% sexual kick and it’s not it is about that sensation about that that relationship and that you know.

00:26:11.220 –> 00:26:18.630
Kathy Gruver: i’m gonna say power dynamic in the best of terms yeah and that way yeah okay Jason I know you’re burning with questions.

00:26:20.040 –> 00:26:21.570
Kathy Gruver: And I want to see you dress like a pirate.

00:26:21.600 –> 00:26:22.260
Kathy Gruver: that’s what I want to say.

00:26:22.290 –> 00:26:22.920
Jason Mefford: Like a pirate.

00:26:25.980 –> 00:26:35.190
Jason Mefford: Anyway, yeah but but no I think it’s you know and again it’s it to me it’s it’s part of it is in our personal growth.

00:26:36.060 –> 00:26:41.790
Jason Mefford: We have to do some things that were uncomfortable with right, because any anytime that we do something new.

00:26:42.240 –> 00:26:47.100
Jason Mefford: But we never know until we try it right, and so I think like that’s kind of what you said right do we.

00:26:47.430 –> 00:26:56.340
Jason Mefford: We tried to we put it back in the toolbox or it’s like hey I really like it when you, you know Ben me that way or whatever right or you know when we.

00:26:57.150 –> 00:27:05.910
Jason Mefford: Use sense or you know candles or whatever else right because there’s again like you said that it’s it’s about the sensation it’s about.

00:27:06.330 –> 00:27:16.470
Jason Mefford: Being in that particular moment and and we’re not going to know, unless we actually try it right and it’s okay to.

00:27:16.860 –> 00:27:26.910
Jason Mefford: You know, and again it’s not it’s not all about sex, but again sex is much more than just procreation, I know there’s still some people in the world that think that’s the only time you do it.

00:27:27.540 –> 00:27:42.510
Jason Mefford: But it really is a way to you know connect and have that emotional attachment with other people, and we really should be doing it in the way that our partner once right.

00:27:43.170 –> 00:27:45.480
Jason Mefford: And, and so again, I mean you can hear.

00:27:47.010 –> 00:27:57.360
Jason Mefford: Again, you know women complaining about men not being as attentive as they need to be right yeah me men can get off in you know very, very quickly, and then rollover and right.

00:27:57.960 –> 00:28:08.850
Jason Mefford: But you know it’s about trying to serve, and please your partner as well and find out what they need, and it goes both ways right, I mean there’s.

00:28:09.870 –> 00:28:14.970
Jason Mefford: Men that complain about what women won’t do and women that complain about what men won’t do right.

00:28:15.360 –> 00:28:30.420
Jason Mefford: But I think you know as part of what you’re doing and trying to help people understand is you know be open be open to what you need but also be open to what your partner or partners need as well right because that’s.

00:28:32.310 –> 00:28:35.550
Jason Mefford: that’s that’s the bigger part of the whole experience.

00:28:37.320 –> 00:28:37.740
Lila Sage C.Ht.: mm hmm.

00:28:37.800 –> 00:28:39.840
Jason Mefford: Right your self discovery and.

00:28:40.980 –> 00:28:47.880
Jason Mefford: loving, caring you know being nurturing i’m trying to use the right words i’m sure you’ve got better words for it.

00:28:48.630 –> 00:29:04.230
Jason Mefford: But the people that we’re partnering with as well to bring out or to to help them feel those sensations experience those things that they want to as well it’s not about us it’s about us but it’s about us as a group right.

00:29:05.520 –> 00:29:16.650
Lila Sage C.Ht.: yeah I think both I think that it can be really as you’re describing like intimate and nurturing and can ultimately lead to deeper relationships as well yeah.

00:29:16.890 –> 00:29:23.160
Kathy Gruver: So for somebody who’s not explored this this lifestyle that’s not explored any of these things, what is it what is a.

00:29:25.050 –> 00:29:33.030
Kathy Gruver: Like easy easy non threatening because some people are very scared of this like they want to try, but they don’t even know where to start so for for couples.

00:29:33.390 –> 00:29:40.140
Kathy Gruver: or single people who want to kind of explore this world, what is the what is the best way or the easiest way for them to jump into this.

00:29:41.130 –> 00:29:48.240
Lila Sage C.Ht.: yeah me think I would say googling for bds i’m checklist would be a good tip.

00:29:49.020 –> 00:30:02.880
Lila Sage C.Ht.: And that at least gives you an idea of the different possibilities and options that exist, so you can sit there you know by yourself, or with the partner and trusted friend Google and be like what is plugging look it up.

00:30:03.420 –> 00:30:07.230
Lila Sage C.Ht.: Yes, is decide if that’s something that you’d like to engage in.

00:30:08.940 –> 00:30:09.300

00:30:10.440 –> 00:30:11.940
Kathy Gruver: What a fun way to spend a Friday night.

00:30:12.210 –> 00:30:12.570

00:30:14.430 –> 00:30:16.260
Lila Sage C.Ht.: scrabbling King checklist.

00:30:17.520 –> 00:30:22.020
Kathy Gruver: we’re gonna make salmon and we’re going to have hash browns and then we’re gonna figure out what blogging is.

00:30:22.260 –> 00:30:22.770
Lila Sage C.Ht.: yeah.

00:30:23.010 –> 00:30:24.630
Kathy Gruver: I don’t know what character that just was but.

00:30:26.220 –> 00:30:28.560
Jason Mefford: sounds almost a little bit like church lady I was.

00:30:29.160 –> 00:30:32.670
Jason Mefford: I was expecting you to go well this special.

00:30:32.700 –> 00:30:34.920
Kathy Gruver: I don’t think church lady would love like this conversation.

00:30:36.060 –> 00:30:40.920
Jason Mefford: I don’t know I think there was a little little part of her that wanted to come out and circle.

00:30:41.160 –> 00:30:41.880
Kathy Gruver: With the church later.

00:30:42.090 –> 00:30:42.510

00:30:44.040 –> 00:30:44.340
Kathy Gruver: Okay.

00:30:44.790 –> 00:30:51.120
Kathy Gruver: uh any final thoughts any other tips any other things that we didn’t ask you that you want to kind of share with everybody.

00:30:52.560 –> 00:30:52.950
Lila Sage C.Ht.: i’m.

00:30:55.500 –> 00:31:11.940
Lila Sage C.Ht.: Just coming from the place of like kings are normal it’s normal to have desires and I think that it’s important to express them to the people that you love and care about so they can join you in this desires, if you would like them and celebrate you with those desires.

00:31:13.200 –> 00:31:17.760
Kathy Gruver: yeah I like that you just said celebration, because I think it is you know we we talked about.

00:31:18.240 –> 00:31:29.400
Kathy Gruver: Wanting to be individuals and wanting to tap into our potential and wanting to really be our authentic selves and I think that should be celebrated, so I think that was that was a fabulous word I love that cool Jason any final thoughts from you.

00:31:31.680 –> 00:31:38.190
Jason Mefford: This is good, well, and I think you know, like you said there at the end, the celebration, and the whole idea to that you know.

00:31:38.820 –> 00:31:49.830
Jason Mefford: This area has has received more mainstream attention so again it’s it’s a lot I think there’s been a lot of things, especially the last few years that are allowing.

00:31:50.640 –> 00:32:04.530
Jason Mefford: Regardless of what our kinks or quirkiness happens to be is it’s okay to be that way right it’s okay to embrace who we are, to share who we are to be authentically ourselves.

00:32:05.070 –> 00:32:14.010
Jason Mefford: And I think this is just it’s just another avenue for that, and so you know, everybody that’s out there just embrace who you are find out who it is who you are.

00:32:14.310 –> 00:32:32.070
Jason Mefford: try new things, if you like, it keep doing it if you don’t throw it back in the toy box right and let’s just you know realize that, like you said everybody has our kinks and it’s okay to be kinky right thinking kinky boots that was an awesome show.

00:32:32.280 –> 00:32:33.210
Jason Mefford: Probably, by the way.

00:32:33.870 –> 00:32:49.890
Jason Mefford: But you know that that whole idea that it’s it’s okay to be us and there you have nothing to be ashamed about in in being and expressing who you are and what you need as a person so love what you’re doing how you’re helping people unlock that for themselves.

00:32:50.640 –> 00:32:54.450
Lila Sage C.Ht.: You too, thank you for having me on your podcast and, of course.

00:32:54.660 –> 00:33:00.150
Kathy Gruver: Tell everybody how they can reach you if they want to check you out for a session or some advice or any of that good stuff.

00:33:00.420 –> 00:33:05.190
Lila Sage C.Ht.: So feel free to reach out my website is miss laila sage calm.

00:33:06.270 –> 00:33:07.650
Lila Sage C.Ht.: You can interact with me today.

00:33:08.070 –> 00:33:15.960
Kathy Gruver: yay beautiful Thank you so much for coming on this as soon as I as soon as you and I reconnected and I saw you were doing this, I feel that you’ve got to come on and talk about.

00:33:16.890 –> 00:33:25.950
Kathy Gruver: It so so many misconceptions and it’s not something that I see a lot of people talking about and and I think it’s a conversation that needs to be had so I appreciate you sharing and I appreciate what you’re doing and i’m.

00:33:26.310 –> 00:33:29.490
Kathy Gruver: i’m happy to have met you all those years ago standing up on top of that board.

00:33:30.780 –> 00:33:31.350
Kathy Gruver: Okay.

00:33:32.070 –> 00:33:32.490
Lila Sage C.Ht.: i’ll hear.

00:33:33.300 –> 00:33:35.580
Kathy Gruver: You know what it all goes back to trapeze.

00:33:37.350 –> 00:33:40.440
Kathy Gruver: cool I am Kathy gruver I can be reached at Kathy Gruber calm.

00:33:40.950 –> 00:33:52.170
Jason Mefford: And i’m Jason effort, I can be reached at Jason method calm so go out have a great week tap into who you are authentically and we’ll catch you on the next episode of the fire and earth podcast see ya.

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