Believe it or not, our brains aren’t exactly the best tools for relaying a proper picture of reality to us.
Often times our brain can paint our perspective of reality with other circumstances that color things in a certain way.
Instances like this could be positive… or detrimental.
Tune in to learn more!
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Jason Mefford: Welcome to another episode of the fire and earth podcast i’m your co host Jason medford.
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Kathy Gruver: And I am Kathy gruver we are so happy to be back with you hey Jason I know we’ve talked before i’m a huge fan of eckhart tolle a.
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Kathy Gruver: I love his stuff i’ve read all his books I studied with him a person I did a six month program where I got to actually be with him in person, a couple times, and you know I did a little.
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Kathy Gruver: Little five part video program with him the other night on manifestation and I know we’ve talked about that before we had Victoria Gallagher on and.
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Kathy Gruver: That this getting what you want, and projecting you know those desires into the future and getting them is something we’ve talked about before and in his program he had a quote.
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Kathy Gruver: That we are often confusing what is happening in our minds with reality and that jumped out at me because you know.
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Kathy Gruver: He is said on numerous occasions it’s not so much our circumstance that caused the stress and the unhappiness it’s our narrative in our head around that so I thought we’d talk about that, today, about how our thoughts are affecting things and.
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Jason Mefford: yeah I think that’s great I love that I love that quote because you know so much of the time.
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Jason Mefford: They actually one thing I was told them this is kind of a little bit more esoteric too, but it, but it kind of comes back into this of you know if you try to think your way through life, you will be lost.
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Jason Mefford: And, and I think this is, this is one of those things you know if we think about our head our heart our gut we can get into that probably in another another episode, but.
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Jason Mefford: You know so much of the time we’re taught that everything happens in our brain it doesn’t all happen in our brain Okay, and in what is happening, you know so much of the time is our brain actually tricks us right, I mean you know that you know, this being you know.
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Jason Mefford: entertainment magician kind of background to right as far as I mean there’s a reason why sleight of hand and magic are illusions right.
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Jason Mefford: And we’re able to trick the brain into seeing or not seeing certain things right, I mean that’s the whole craft behind behind magic is you know doing some of the things so people don’t don’t see.
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Jason Mefford: What you’re actually doing right that’s the craft in the trick.
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Jason Mefford: And so, of course, why would we also not get tricked in our brain in other stuff that goes on to even if we’re not sitting in front of a magician watching a show your brain will still trick you.
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Jason Mefford: And not not provide to you or give you what is actually happening in reality.
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Jason Mefford: And if you try to think your way through it to understand it sometimes you just get lost and you’re.
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Jason Mefford: going around in your head.
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Kathy Gruver: I was just gonna say we start to tell those stories right, so this you know I remember a friend of mine coming into my massage office, and he goes my wallet was stolen and I went oh my God your wallet was stolen he goes well, I can’t find it.
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Kathy Gruver: And I went well okay wait Those are two really different things like was it.
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Kathy Gruver: Of course I couldn’t have lost it.
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Kathy Gruver: Right, was it stolen or can you not find it I you know and and that’s what his.
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Kathy Gruver: Day was hilarious and then, when I you know, pointing out the difference, he actually started laughing he goes I lose stuff all the time, but he just had that you know we’ve talked about this before this reactivity that’s good so that’s miss oh it’s right there.
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Kathy Gruver: Our brain tricks us because our of those thoughts, give us our identity.
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Kathy Gruver: it’s our ego going hey i’m here i’m here i’m here, and the other the other great point he had in this whole series, is that we are human beings, we are this.
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Kathy Gruver: Human part that thinks that goes to work that puts on our pants that has relationships and then we are this being aspect of it.
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Kathy Gruver: And we have to have both we can’t sit around being all the time, this is what amongst you and the you know the people that hermits and that’s probably not our calling I know it’s not mine.
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Kathy Gruver: So how do we find that balance of the being and the doing and I I talk to clients about this, all the time because we’re so into the doing i’m capricorn doing doing doing doing doing.
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Kathy Gruver: We have to do we have to pay the rent we have a mortgage, we have to raise the kids with do all the stuff So how can we find that being in that doing, and that is such a hard balance.
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Jason Mefford: yeah because they’re they’re two different things right so again, a lot of people don’t think about that’s why we’re called human beings not human Doers.
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Jason Mefford: right but but but for most of us the being is is actually the hardest work to learn how to do that, especially after we’ve been so used to doing doing doing doing all the time.
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Jason Mefford: But let’s kind of get back you know, because our mind is confusing you know what’s actually happening versus reality and I heard you use the word circumstance right.
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Jason Mefford: is so much of the time we look around and there are certain circumstances that are happening that we’re making stories about.
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Jason Mefford: Right we’re interpreting based on our beliefs, based on our identity, and that may not actually be what’s what’s going on right so so you know how do we kind of separate because, because I know a lot of times people.
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Jason Mefford: They get stuck in their circumstance.
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Jason Mefford: Right, which again is why eckart was talking about this and manifestation right is so much of the time we end up getting stuck and we’re like Oh well, I don’t have the money, so I can’t well that’s playing by circumstance.
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Jason Mefford: Right, as opposed to well, is that the reality.
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Jason Mefford: yeah and and I know people will say well look here’s my bank statement I only have $42 in my bank account that’s a fact Oh, is it.
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Jason Mefford: From manifestation perspective, no not necessarily right.
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Jason Mefford: But, but you know how do we, how do we kind of move from just getting stuck in our circumstances to being more open to possibilities are seeing a reality that could be different than the story we’re telling herself.
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Kathy Gruver: yeah I think so much of it is staying present and he talks about that also you know let’s let’s use the example you’re sitting in traffic right you’re on the 405 you have to get somewhere.
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Kathy Gruver: The reality is you’re sitting in traffic, but what is your brain doing.
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Kathy Gruver: I should have left 15 minutes earlier, I knew this was going to happen and had my daughter not needed to feed the cat because I told her do it right i’m going to be late for my meeting, and you know that’s the story we’re telling.
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Kathy Gruver: it’s the story that’s creating all that stress the reality is i’m sitting in traffic that’s it period and it’s the stories.
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Kathy Gruver: That our brain goes oh you better get upset about that other which I heard totally calls the pain body which is that uncomfortable feeling that gets triggered when this kind of thing happens.
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Kathy Gruver: You know if we stop that narrative if we stopped that dialogue in our head and we just stay present all we know is we’re sitting in our car.
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Kathy Gruver: it’s that dwelling on the past and projecting into the future that causes the stress causes the problems.
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Jason Mefford: And at that point that’s that’s the option again, where we have to be able to change our story right instead of.
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Jason Mefford: Instead of getting all angry about Oh, you know my daughter needed this, and so I had to let you know I ended up leaving late, but if you just stop and go hey well i’m sitting in traffic I got a great you know audio book on or I get more time to listen to the radio or whatever it is.
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Jason Mefford: You happen to be doing and focus on that present moment as opposed to you know, bringing all those those emotions from the past into where you’re at the present yeah.
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Kathy Gruver: And maybe that doesn’t form the future, you know we’re having tons of constructing here in Santa Barbara and I have a client that has to go from carpinteria up to Santa Barbara.
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Kathy Gruver: He normally leaves gives himself 20 minutes it’s fine.
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Kathy Gruver: he’s recognized that because of all the construction, he was so late, for his first appointment, we barely had time to do anything so now he does recognize Okay, I need to leave 40 minutes not 20 so that.
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Kathy Gruver: That experience doesn’t form the future you don’t want to keep repeating that over and over again, you don’t want to be on the four or five every day going.
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Kathy Gruver: i’m late again, you know we have to, we have to grow and evolve and adjust and that comes through having that.
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Kathy Gruver: pain if we will have crap there’s construction, I have to leave earlier but we can’t get we can’t get stuck in that.
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Kathy Gruver: That narrative in our brains that’s what’s going to get us in trouble that’s that rumination on things that is pulling us away from this present moment.
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Kathy Gruver: And How often have we lost something right now, because we’re so worried about something in the future, or so.
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Kathy Gruver: Still dwelling on something from the past that we’re missing what’s actually happening right now, you know someday they might leave me Okay, but they’re sitting in front of you right now.
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Kathy Gruver: And you’re ruining this moment by projecting that someday it might be different, you know and that’s sad and i’ve done that to where you know i’m glommed on to the cat because I know we have to put it to sleep in two days.
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Kathy Gruver: But it’s with me right there like don’t project to the last part of it, stay present with that animal while you have it, or the whatever it isn’t sitting in front of you.
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Jason Mefford: Oh, it happens all the time, I mean we you know, one of the terms that I like to use is that I think describes a while, is most of us go through life and a hypnotic state.
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Jason Mefford: Now, have not a states are good in in doing certain work, I mean your iPad test you, you understand that I understand it, I do it all myself all right.
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Jason Mefford: So there’s a good thing, of being in a hypnotic state, but what tends to happen is people are in a hypnotic state going through life either.
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Jason Mefford: hypnotizing themselves about the past, or about the future and what ends up happening is people wake up at the end of their life or midlife that’s my midlife crisis has happened.
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Jason Mefford: and go what the Fuck right I I missed all of these things that were that were going on right and so like you said is as opposed to you know worrying about having to put the cat down just enjoy the cat for the two days.
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Jason Mefford: Right, because those are going to be memories again that you can go back to if you’re worried about putting it down you’re not present with the cat for the two days, do you think you might have some regrets afterwards, like I should have just held the CAP more.
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Kathy Gruver: yeah I had a.
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Kathy Gruver: I had a client name Dorothy.
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Kathy Gruver: I started working with her when she was 90 she was a hoot I talked about her, and one of my books, I was she was just she did this she did a striptease that our own 85th birthday.
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Kathy Gruver: And she wore tons of makeup and she was just this.
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Kathy Gruver: vibrant like red hat, so I mean she was hilarious all she wanted to talk about with sex you tell me about her lover she was, I mean she was just a hoot.
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Kathy Gruver: And I this was when I still did like House calls and I was like a lot of more like geriatric massage so I showed up at her house, one day, and she said I want a red couch and I went Okay, so I am having this custom red couch made and I went Okay, but there was a part of me that went.
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Kathy Gruver: 92 why in the world, are you spending like eight grand on a red couch when you’re probably going to die soon, this was.
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Kathy Gruver: complete this was complete ignorance of my part, I was this was years ago.
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Kathy Gruver: And then I thought about it more and i’m like you know what if she is the fucking couch for 10 minutes.
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Kathy Gruver: Good for her.
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Kathy Gruver: You know or somebody who knows, their terminal who goes with you know buys themselves a diamond ring because they’ve always wanted it.
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Kathy Gruver: If they have that diamond ring for 15 minutes, and that makes them happy and that’s what they want in the world to fulfill that aspect of their lives.
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Kathy Gruver: Who cares how long it’s gonna last, we have no idea how long it’s gonna last so enjoying this present moment, whatever that means to you, whatever you want to put in that present moment with you.
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Kathy Gruver: I think that’s, the key to it and not projecting into this woman we’re going to have it for two days take it for two days enjoy it for two days.
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Jason Mefford: Well, and it’s one of those you know.
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Jason Mefford: We never know we never know right and so again, I mean sometimes one of the one of the things that our mind does to trick us is in thinking that we have a bunch of time.
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Jason Mefford: We don’t necessarily have a bunch of time right we do so far I woke up I got out of bed today, I know I got today, at least this part of today I have.
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Jason Mefford: Right yeah will I wake up tomorrow I don’t know I hope so i’m planning on it that’s my intention.
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Jason Mefford: yep but we don’t know right and and that kind of goes back to that hypnotic state that sometimes we always think.
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Jason Mefford: That there’s more time.
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Jason Mefford: yeah but tomorrow never comes right it’s great line from a song tomorrow never comes creedence clearwater revival it’s always today it’s never tomorrow.
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Jason Mefford: yep and and you know at different times I mean I saw this with my mother, you know of always you know working hard having the career.
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Jason Mefford: i’m going to travel, when we when I retire and then she retires and has cancer and five years later, is dead right so.
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Jason Mefford: We don’t know you know, one of my high school friends, you know same thing is, you know he’d lost his father, just a few months ago, literally.
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Jason Mefford: And all of a sudden, you know this week he finds out that his mother’s cancer has come back it’s malignant throughout her whole body, she probably only has a few days to live.
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Jason Mefford: wow right so again it’s like we think we have time, but do we really have time.
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Jason Mefford: Right, so why not live life to the fullest you know, do the things that you that you want to do that make you happy whether that’s a red couch whether that’s getting a diamond ring.
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Jason Mefford: Or whether it’s sitting around and petting the cat yep you know, whatever it is because we don’t know how much time we have so live life to the fullest.
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Jason Mefford: Up know that the TIM mcgraw song live like you were dying, you know came into my mind, a couple weeks ago, again, as I was thinking it did some posts on it, but you know if we live our life more like that.
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Jason Mefford: yep because that’s one of the ways that your brain tricks yeah.
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Jason Mefford: Oh yeah that’s that’s why people end up having regrets so much your time in life.
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Kathy Gruver: yeah or you save that thing we just watched don’t look up the other night, which was.
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Jason Mefford: Number One.
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Jason Mefford: Credit ratio what made me.
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Kathy Gruver: so sad let’s see if I can just crying because I tried to talk about this last night and burst into tears now bear comes.
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Kathy Gruver: I cried on the show before what made me so sad was the last scene, where they broke out the good wine and they’re Finally, talking and there they have a good China, why are you fucking waiting.
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Kathy Gruver: Like, why not living like that all the time.
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Kathy Gruver: break up the lingerie and the China and the good wine and that you know.
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Jason Mefford: me and because that was that was to me the climax of the movie.
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Kathy Gruver: Right, obviously.
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Jason Mefford: A lot of ways in the the the line was we always had everything.
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Jason Mefford: yep we always had everything.
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Jason Mefford: up but they weren’t taking the time to do that and to have that meal and and spend that time together everybody was off doing their own thing.
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Jason Mefford: and never thinking about it and that’s it’s a great great reminder to all of us is is, if you want to, if you want to have a more fulfilled life live like you were dying.
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Jason Mefford: yep and and that this could be your last day you know I when I was still you know pretty early in my career, but one of the one of the executives, who was mentored me a little bit he was.
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Jason Mefford: He was getting ready to retire, so we were in an executive retreat, it was just he and me and him in the bar and we were talking and and I said, you know Tom you know you’re going to be.
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Jason Mefford: You know retiring soon, what is it that you that you want to do kind of like you know what’s your bucket list kind of thing, and I remember he turned to me, and he said, you know Jason I have lived an amazing life a life of no regrets and.
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Jason Mefford: I don’t need to do anything else now his plan was you know again retire leave la go back to Kansas, where he was at just hang out at the golf course country club.
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Jason Mefford: play golf every day enjoy his friends, but he didn’t wait until that point in his life, you know we so much of the time, the shoulda woulda coulda is don’t live a life of shoulda woulda coulda.
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Jason Mefford: yep right live a life of no regrets yeah and that’s that’s what he did, and that really kind of you know, stuck with me.
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Jason Mefford: You know, especially with the experience of my mother, you know, and some of the things like that have I I don’t I don’t do it well all the time, but I keep reminding myself.
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Jason Mefford: to live life today that because we don’t know if we have tomorrow.
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Kathy Gruver: yeah and so much our brain our brain gets in the way of that it pulled us out of this present and and tricks us into thinking we have all the time, or we don’t have any time or you know.
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Kathy Gruver: it’s just you know it’s going back to the quote you know we confuse what’s happening on our mind with what is reality.
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Kathy Gruver: And one thing that when you said you know there’s only today, there is no tomorrow, something that eckhart tolle a story he tells all the time, is when he was living in the UK, there was one pub he really liked and there was a sign on the door of the pub That said, free beer tomorrow.
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Kathy Gruver: And he said in evidently every day that he was sitting in there, somebody would show up and go i’m here for my free beer and the owner we go when I come back tomorrow and the guys like no I was here yesterday, the bartender goes yeah.
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Jason Mefford: Tomorrow tomorrow.
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Kathy Gruver: it’s today now and it’s just it’s so great and the people actually went i’m going to go back for the beer no not realizing well it’s not tomorrow it’s today, now there is no ever tomorrow, so I just I love and he always chuckles I love to laugh so.
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Jason Mefford: um it’s like I said it’s just a good reminder because, like you said, your brain does trick you.
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Jason Mefford: Now you know it’s trying to trick you so just do some of these things to.
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Jason Mefford: To see what the reality is right around you and one of those great things is just to be present.
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Jason Mefford: live or live in the present moment enjoy in do everything that you can now because you know, like you said, your brains trying to trick you that either you have a ton of time or you don’t have any time yeah reality is you just have.
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Jason Mefford: What is.
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Kathy Gruver: When you can you can ask the question is this real or is this my brain telling me that and like you said this, the optical illusion is the magician Is it the other ones oh she’s not really being sought and half.
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Jason Mefford: What.
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Jason Mefford: Where why there’s not a whole bunch of blood coming out of the box.
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Kathy Gruver: that’s why there’s still people that have magicians assistance, because I think the job would have burned out long ago.
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Kathy Gruver: If you were actually really think so, but it’s it’s an illusion and that’s what our brain wants to trick us into doing so yeah I love this conversation cool yeah take the pause asked the question, all that good stuff.
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Kathy Gruver: yeah cool yeah i’m Kathy coover I can be reached at Kathy Griffin calm.
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Jason Mefford: And i’m Jason effort, I can be reached at Jason method calm so go out have a great week live like you were dying, however, whatever from this episode that inspires you to live a better life and we’ll catch you on the next episode of the fire North podcast so yeah.
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