Have you had a conversation this last month that just didn’t go the way you expected??? If you’re like most people I’m sure you have. Might have been at work, might have been in your personal life … and I’m guessing with the holidays coming there are some conversations you aren’t looking forward to with family, friends, or maybe that staff member you need to deliver a difficult message to about their performance.
In this #jammingwithjason #internalauditpodcast I share how you can control any conversation, get people to take action, and make quicker, better decisions.
Listen to the entire episode at: http://www.jasonmefford.com/jammingwithjason/
Imagine how much more confidence you will have when you know exactly what to say and do so you can control any conversation … even in a remote work environment. When you are ready, join us in the Briefing Leadership Program at: https://jasonmefford.mykajabi.com/caebriefing
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Jason Mefford: Welcome to another episode of jamming with Jason I am back with it with you move a little bit of I can, I can talk today. I promise I can talk
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Jason Mefford: I’m back to you today and we’re going to talk a little bit about conversations. And the reason for that is, you know, again, I’ve
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Jason Mefford: Been helping people for quite a few years, many, many years, actually. And I’m seeing a lot of trends of things that most people I talked to are actually struggling with. And I wanted to talk about one of those today.
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Jason Mefford: In and so we’re going to get in. I’m going to talk about a couple things. In fact, I’m gonna, I’m going to share with you.
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Jason Mefford: A personal story I’m going to get a little personal with you and actually share a story with you that actually I didn’t share with anybody for about 10 years
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Jason Mefford: In fact, I’ve only shared it a couple of times since then. And we’re going to get into that here a little bit later in the episode.
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Jason Mefford: But I wanted to start off and just kind of ask you a couple questions and start our conversation going. And like I said, like, like I do, and a lot of the podcast, we’re going to kind of go back and forth a little bit
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Jason Mefford: But I want to ask you, you know, have you had a conversation. This last month that just didn’t go the way you expected.
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Jason Mefford: Now, if you’re like most people, I’m sure you have. I mean, I’ve had plenty of these right where you know again and I realized, you know, I know either. You’re a good communicator.
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Jason Mefford: Because you you wouldn’t be where you are, if you weren’t a good communicator. But sometimes, you know, no matter how much we seem to prepare in advance.
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Jason Mefford: We go into some conversations and all of a sudden they just take a turn that we weren’t anticipating
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Jason Mefford: And it’s like the conversation starts running away from us and we’re out there trying to grab it trying to pull it back in. But it seems like no matter what we do, the conversation just goes away that we were not anticipating and that we didn’t want it to go.
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Jason Mefford: Now this might have been, you know, a conversation at work. It might have been in your personal life, you know, with your partner or maybe with one of your kids or a family member.
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Jason Mefford: And especially now as we’re coming into the holiday season. I’m guessing that there’s probably also some conversations, maybe with family, friends,
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Jason Mefford: Or even maybe a staff member that you have to deliver a difficult message to about their performance.
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Jason Mefford: That you’re not really looking forward to, you know, you’re trying to prepare. But, you know, you’re a little anxious about that.
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Jason Mefford: And so I want to get in today and talk a little bit more about that. How can you actually control in a conversation and help to be able to lead it to where you want to go. Okay, so that’s that’s really kind of what we’re going to be talking about today. But before we jump into that.
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Jason Mefford: Wanted to talk briefly about the movie The Karate Kid. So you know if you’re familiar with that movie from the 80s. I mean, man. That’s a great. It’s a great movie. I love that movie. And, you know, in there.
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Jason Mefford: You know, here’s here’s kind of the backstory. So if you haven’t seen as I’m sorry but I’m kind of giving away part of the movie to you, but you know, there’s this there’s this young kid named Daniel
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Jason Mefford: And Daniel moves into a new area and he goes to school and, you know, sure enough, you know, is if you’ve ever moved schools like I did, you know, you know, when you when you first show up and you’re the new kid in school.
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Jason Mefford: Either people kind of take to you and you know you just get in with the right crowd and everything is fine.
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Jason Mefford: Or what ends up happening often is sometimes that new kid doesn’t really have any friends and sometimes people will beat him up or bully them.
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Jason Mefford: And it sucks to be that kid I’ve been that kid before. Okay. And it’s not fun.
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Jason Mefford: So anyway, in, in the Karate Kid movie right Daniel shows up, he goes to this new school. And of course, there’s a group of kids that are trying to beat him up and bully him.
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Jason Mefford: And these kids know karate. And so he gets he gets roughed up a little bit and you know Mr. Miyagi who I think he’s the the the
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Jason Mefford: handyman kind of in the in the apartment complex where they are living Daniel sees that Mr. Miyagi knows how to do karate because he watches him kind of do some of this stuff.
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Jason Mefford: And so, you know, Daniel doesn’t want to get beat up and bullied anymore. And so he approaches. Mr. Miyagi and asks him to teach him.
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Jason Mefford: How to how to do karate right because he doesn’t want to get beat up and bullied anymore. He wants to know how to be able to protect himself.
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Jason Mefford: How if these kids come out. And again, that he can actually defend himself and protect himself and not get beat up and bullied anymore so
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Jason Mefford: He has the courage and it does take courage to ask for help. Okay. Because I know a lot of times we think we have everything together. We know how to do it. We just have to work harder.
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Jason Mefford: But sometimes we do just have to reach out for help. And so Daniel felt like he was in that position.
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Jason Mefford: So he asked Mr. Miyagi and, you know, Mr. Miyagi says come to my house, you know, at this time, or whatever.
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Jason Mefford: And he comes over and he’s like, Okay, I’m gonna, I’m going to teach you karate. Now first thing before we get started with that.
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Jason Mefford: HE GIVES DANIEL a whole bunch of different tasks that he has to do. And so there were some different ones like
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Jason Mefford: He made him wash his cars. So he made Daniel wash the cars and then he had to put wax on the car right and if you’ve ever watched a car. I know we don’t do that too much anymore.
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Jason Mefford: We usually kind of go through the drive thru thing, but I remember the old days of actually washing the car applying the wax letting it sit for a while and then rubbing it off. Okay.
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Jason Mefford: And so, Mr. Miyagi taught him this particular way of this is how you wax on this is how you wax off. And so he had Daniel washing his cars for
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Jason Mefford: You know, a day or two. And so finally, you know, Daniel comes in the next day and he’s all excited to start learning karate.
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Jason Mefford: And Mr. Miyagi handsome a can of paint and says okay now paint the fence. Now when you paint the fence. I want you to do it this way, you kind of paint up then you paint down and you paint up and you pay down
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Jason Mefford: And so he goes on and he he paints the fence and it takes him i i’m not sure how long it was in the storyline, but he’s painting the fence.
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Jason Mefford: And so he thinks okay great tomorrow I’m going to show up and now I’m actually going to learn how to do karate. Right. And so he shows up and Mr. Miyagi gives him.
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Jason Mefford: Some sandpaper little sanding blocks and says, Okay, now it’s time for you to Sam the floor right this is how you Sam the floor.
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Jason Mefford: And so he’s going through doing all this stuff and Daniel starting to get frustrated, right, because why did he come to Mr. Miyagi because he wanted the skills to be able to learn karate, so he could defend himself right
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Jason Mefford: And so finally, Daniel kind of blows up and says, you know what, I’m kind of tired of being your servant. I don’t want to do this anymore. I came here for you to teach me karate.
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Jason Mefford: And you told me that you would teach me karate. So show me how to do karate, and he was kind of fighting with with Mr. Miyagi a little bit
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Jason Mefford: Until finally Mr. Miyagi said, Okay. Now show me wax on, wax off. Show me paint the fence right and so Daniels, they’re kind of doing these different moves and thinking, okay, this is stupid. What do you why, why am I doing this. Why am I doing this at that point.
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Jason Mefford: Mr. Miyagi starts to attack him right he starts to punch and he says, show me wax on, wax off and, as Mr. Miyagi is punching
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Jason Mefford: The moves that Daniel has actually just been learning and has been practicing are exactly the moves that he needs to be able to protect himself and to control that particular situation. So he doesn’t get beat up and bullied.
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Jason Mefford: Why am I sharing all that with you. Well, first off, Karate Kid is a great movie. If you haven’t seen it, you need to go watch it, but also the fact that just like Daniel in that movie. There are certain things that you can learn to do when you learn to do them when you practice them.
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Jason Mefford: You can actually control any conversation. Okay, now I know that sounds like a high bar.
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Jason Mefford: But there are some things that you can learn and when you learn and practice them you will be able to better control any
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Jason Mefford: Conversation that you have, whether that’s at work, whether that’s at home. It doesn’t matter because a lot of these principles work in any conversation that you’re having with another human being. Okay.
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Jason Mefford: And so let’s get in and talk a little bit about it right now before I do that, I want to kind of rewind because I told you at the beginning that I wanted to share a story with you. Okay. And here’s the story. Okay.
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Jason Mefford: I remember very vividly, even though this happened to me 10 or 11 years ago now of, you know, getting out of a meeting and finding myself in a stairwell at work.
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Jason Mefford: So I was at work. I just gotten out of a meeting, I walked into the stairwell to go back down the three flights of stairs to my office after this meeting.
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Jason Mefford: And I just remember my heart started beating very fast as I got into the into the stairwell.
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Jason Mefford: And I just leaned up against the wall and I could all of a sudden, all of my senses, just kind of came on, I could smell the concrete in the iron you know handrail that’s in there and I could feel
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Jason Mefford: You know the coldness of the concrete and everything else that was going on.
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Jason Mefford: And I just froze. At that point, right. My, my, my senses were kind of going crazy and I just I just locked up. I couldn’t move. And I remember sitting there.
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Jason Mefford: In panic. Okay, wondering, how am I getting get back to my office or how am I going to get out of this this building.
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Jason Mefford: Because I just felt this need that I just had to flee. I had to get out of there. Now, why was I in that stairwell having a panic attack.
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Jason Mefford: Because I had just come out of a meeting that the conversation didn’t go the way I thought it was going to go
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Jason Mefford: I got beat up and bullied in that meeting. Pretty, pretty badly. Okay. And I didn’t have the skills at that time to be able to know what to do.
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Jason Mefford: And so when I left that meeting, full of anxiety about what the future was going to be. I was able to make it. You know, the 50 feet to the stairwell. And then I just froze up
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Jason Mefford: And it sucked. Okay. Now, why am I telling you this because, you know, again, as I told you there are ways for you to be able to control in a conversation
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Jason Mefford: They’re not something that you can just learn. Unfortunately, I can’t, I can’t give you all the skills right now I can talk about a few
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Jason Mefford: But when you learn and practice these things and actually go through a program, you can just like Daniel did with learning karate, you know, and at the end of Karate Kid. He was triumphant and and ended up beating the bully in a in a karate.
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Jason Mefford: Competition. You can do the same thing with conversations and here’s why. Here’s what I what I know right is, as I told you this happened to me about 10 or 11 years ago now.
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Jason Mefford: And at that point, you know, when I finally composed myself and I got back down to my office and I ended up. I had to leave, leave the building for a while. Walk around outside to try to settle myself down at least
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Jason Mefford: I vowed kind of to myself at that point that I wasn’t going to let the same thing happen to me again. And so I went on a
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Jason Mefford: Learning spree for 10 years learning everything and anything that I could about human conversation about psychology
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Jason Mefford: About a thing called neuro linguistic processing that you probably haven’t heard of about influence all these different things to be able to learn so that I would never be in that same sort of situation again. Okay.
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Jason Mefford: I didn’t want to be in that situation, and I don’t want anyone else to ever be in that situation, either.
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Jason Mefford: Now I tell you this story. And again, I don’t know if you’ve ever had a panic attack before. If you can fully relate to
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Jason Mefford: You know that kind of a thing where your body just kind of shuts down and you just can’t do anything. Your mind is thinking and your body actually won’t move.
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Jason Mefford: I don’t know if you’ve had that experience or not, you know, but whether you’ve had that experience or not. I’m sure that you’ve had those encounters with other people.
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Jason Mefford: Where all of a sudden, you know, you felt like you wanted to just keep be small.
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Jason Mefford: And kind of disappear from the situation.
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Jason Mefford: Or you just froze up and you didn’t know how to actually respond when somebody said some things that were maybe hurtful to you or that were really kind of out of left field that you hadn’t actually anticipated.
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Jason Mefford: Now I tell you this story too because I want to share something else with you.
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Jason Mefford: And that is, I was super embarrassed about this. Okay. I told you I did not tell anyone. Nobody knew about this for 10 years
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Jason Mefford: In fact, it wasn’t until sometime this last year I was, I was going through a training. I was doing some stuff on my own.
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Jason Mefford: Thinking about some of the stories that I had had things that I had experience.
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Jason Mefford: And remembered this particular experience again. Right. So again, 10 years here I am trying to trying to to learn these things but I hadn’t shared that story.
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Jason Mefford: With anyone because I was embarrassed, you know, here I was an executive I had all my shit together, you know, the least that’s what I was showing everybody
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Jason Mefford: But inside. I didn’t. And so what what i want to tell you to from this as a learning is
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Jason Mefford: If you’ve ever experienced that. It’s okay. Lots of people experience it. There’s no reason to feel embarrassment or shame about it.
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Jason Mefford: You just didn’t have the skills that you need it. Right. So again, if we go back to our Karate Kid example.
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Jason Mefford: Should you know when Daniel got beat up. Was it his fault. No, he just didn’t know or have the skills to be able to handle that particular situation. Right. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about it.
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Jason Mefford: But again, I didn’t tell my wife at the time I didn’t, I didn’t tell anybody that this had actually happened. And in fact, publicly. I’ve only maybe shared this two or three times.
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Jason Mefford: So, and again the reason why I’m sharing this with you today is if you’ve experienced something like that. And even if it hasn’t been to that extent, right.
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Jason Mefford: But if you’ve been in conversations that just didn’t go your way and you felt like you were beat up and bullied. I understand.
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Jason Mefford: I have been there as well, right and and that’s why I’m just talking to you today, right. I know in sometimes in the public forums, when I when I asked questions, or I do things.
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Jason Mefford: I think a lot of times people are hesitant to respond because so much of the time we we like to believe that we have everything together.
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Jason Mefford: And that we we we know how to do this. And we try to show that to everybody else because one of the greatest fears that we have as humans.
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Jason Mefford: Is having somebody else realize right that we don’t know maybe as much as we do. We’re afraid of the rejection that might come if we share some of these things.
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Jason Mefford: With other people I know that I’ve experienced it. That’s one of the reasons why I do what I do today with things like the briefing leadership program.
00:17:55.320 –> 00:18:06.780
Jason Mefford: And the chief audit executive forum because I know that there needs to be a safe place for people to be able to express what’s on their mind and to actually get the help
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Jason Mefford: Right. And so, those things are available and it’s there because I know I needed it. Right.
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Jason Mefford: And in fact, as I told you before, I didn’t want to feel that way. And I don’t want anybody else to feel that way either. Okay, so
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Jason Mefford: You know, as we’re going through here. Like I said, I’m just talking to you right now, so I don’t have a bunch of scripted notes or anything else, so bear with me.
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Jason Mefford: As, as I try to kind of collect my thoughts on that. But, you know, as I, as I told you at the beginning as I talked to more and more people. There are a lot of people out there. You may be one of them. You may not be
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Jason Mefford: But there are a lot of people out there that conversation is just get out of control with some people. Right.
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Jason Mefford: And and they would like to actually be able to control those conversations more they have trouble actually getting people to take action.
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Jason Mefford: Right, you talk to people, it could be somebody on your staff, it could be appear, but you just can’t get them to to maybe value you are understand, you know, when you have a suggestion, why they should follow that, or why they should actually take action.
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Jason Mefford: You know, there’s a lot of people that that get in their head a lot and they’re not able to make they try to overthink and overthinking overthinking overthinking and end up not making a decision or find out later.
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Jason Mefford: That they really regret the decision that they made because maybe in their heart.
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Jason Mefford: You know they were they were feeling like they needed to do something. But when they analyzed it and they thought about it, and they sat on it for two or three weeks.
00:19:46.560 –> 00:19:59.550
Jason Mefford: Maybe they didn’t take action at all, or they made a decision that was different than what they were feeling in their heart, and I understand. I know, I know that people are dealing with this. Like I said, it may be you. It may not be you.
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Jason Mefford: But I’m here to kind of talk about that because, as I said, there’s no shame in
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Jason Mefford: Having some of those feelings or actually experiencing some of those things.
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Jason Mefford: Now the issue is you can actually learn you can develop the skills you can practice, you can work on it, just like Daniel did
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Jason Mefford: Just like I have for the last 10 years you can learn these skills you can practice them, you can actually, you know, become a ninja in being able to do some of these things. But really, the choice is up to you. And it’s unfortunate, but when I talk to a lot of people
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Jason Mefford: They
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Jason Mefford: Don’t want to admit that maybe they need some help. And what that ends up doing is it holds people back in their progression. Right.
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Jason Mefford: And so sometimes you know like at the beginning or, you know, sometimes they’ll say things like, do you have the courage to do something.
00:20:56.970 –> 00:21:05.520
Jason Mefford: A lot of people don’t have the courage to do it right. In fact, it takes more courage to actually ask for help and get what you need.
00:21:05.910 –> 00:21:12.030
Jason Mefford: But that’s how you’re going to change the situation on where you’re actually at right
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Jason Mefford: And so again, let me let me kind of jump in a little bit here and and kind of give you some some takeaways, some things that I shared recently with people.
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Jason Mefford: That I want to share with you here as well. And this is just the tip of the iceberg of a lot of the things that you can end up learning. Okay.
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Jason Mefford: But like I said in this short format. I’m going to give you what I can. Because really it’s, you know, and part of the reason why Mr. Miyagi was doing what he did with Daniel
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Jason Mefford: He is a lot of this takes some practice. And so again, even. I’m going to give you some tips here.
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Jason Mefford: But if you just hear it, it goes in one ear, it goes out the other ear. You don’t do anything about it. Then I didn’t help you
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Jason Mefford: And and honestly. Well, I helped to you, but you didn’t help yourself because you didn’t do the work. Right.
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Jason Mefford: And so it’s just like, if you remember when you wrote a bike when you learn how to ride a bike. There’s a lot of different things that you have to do.
00:22:11.940 –> 00:22:18.810
Jason Mefford: To be able to learn, you got to balance. You got a paddle. You got to do all these different things to be able to stay up and learn how to ride a bike.
00:22:19.350 –> 00:22:31.230
Jason Mefford: But once you learn how to do it. And you practice how to do it even if it’s been several years since you’ve ridden a bike that’s why there’s that term. It’s just like riding a bike. Once you learn how to do it.
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Jason Mefford: When you get in a situation like that, again, you know exactly what to say or do. And the same is true with some of these things that I’m talking about now. Okay.
00:22:42.630 –> 00:22:49.950
Jason Mefford: And and really a lot of it, it comes back to three different areas or three different things that I that I that I talked about here.
00:22:50.370 –> 00:22:57.300
Jason Mefford: And we’re not going to get into them all today, but it’s neural influence intuitive leadership and mental mastery.
00:22:57.900 –> 00:23:10.260
Jason Mefford: You know it’s being able to to understand recognize emotions and other people recognize them in yourself. Learn how to use those emotions or change some of the emotional states of people
00:23:11.040 –> 00:23:21.840
Jason Mefford: To be able to you know get people to take action. It’s about, you know, understanding some of the psychology behind how people think what they do, what their belief systems are
00:23:22.200 –> 00:23:31.800
Jason Mefford: And how doing things like asking questions, knowing how to use your body, how to use your, your language and the words that you actually use
00:23:32.340 –> 00:23:40.620
Jason Mefford: Makes it easier for you to help get people to take action and then kind of from a mental mastery standpoint as well.
00:23:40.980 –> 00:23:47.010
Jason Mefford: Just like riding that bike that you practice it. You do it enough so that when these things come up
00:23:47.400 –> 00:24:02.430
Jason Mefford: You know exactly what to say and what to do. Okay. And I usually liken this to kind of doing push ups I actually do push ups every day as an exercise, you know, I’m not a huge key man, but I do, I do my push ups every day.
00:24:03.300 –> 00:24:16.080
Jason Mefford: Both figuratively and literally because as we do some of these things every day as we practice them. It’s just like we’ve been doing push ups. Okay. And I’ll tell you at some point.
00:24:16.710 –> 00:24:23.310
Jason Mefford: Whether you whether you have already or you will in the future, you’re going to have a difficult conversation.
00:24:23.700 –> 00:24:31.470
Jason Mefford: You’re going to get kicked to the ground, effectively, and there’s going to be an elephant sitting on your back. Now it’s much easier to get up.
00:24:31.920 –> 00:24:43.620
Jason Mefford: When that elephant is on your back. If you’ve been doing your push ups. But what a lot of people do is they wait until the elephant is on their back, and then they say, Oh, shit. I should have done my push ups. Right.
00:24:44.160 –> 00:24:57.000
Jason Mefford: Well, at that point, it’s kind of too little too late. Unfortunately, because we have to prepare before the event actually happens. Hey folks this is classic risk management tying some of that back into it for you as well.
00:24:57.990 –> 00:25:02.820
Jason Mefford: So, so. Okay, so let’s let’s talk a little bit, let me get. Let me give you a couple of
00:25:04.230 –> 00:25:16.860
Jason Mefford: Ideas here for ways again for you to be able to help control situation or conversations that you’re in. Now, the first one is, think about the right communication.
00:25:17.730 –> 00:25:31.890
Jason Mefford: Medium that you are using for the particular conversation now a conversation medium is the medium of exchange that that communication is going over. So think about, you know,
00:25:32.850 –> 00:25:46.560
Jason Mefford: Telephone email chat video in person. Those are different communication mediums. And what ends up happening a lot of times is when conversations don’t go
00:25:46.980 –> 00:25:58.110
Jason Mefford: The way you were expecting. It’s because you’re not using the right communication medium. So as an example, my father is
00:25:59.040 –> 00:26:14.010
Jason Mefford: Well he’s he’s old okay he’s he’s close to 90 and and he doesn’t really like technology. In fact, he has a cell phone, but it’s one of those old flip phones right that you really can’t buy anymore.
00:26:14.820 –> 00:26:27.930
Jason Mefford: He doesn’t have texting on it. So if I want to talk to my father, I have to call him on the telephone, which means I can hear his voice he can hear my voice, but I have no idea.
00:26:28.620 –> 00:26:42.090
Jason Mefford: How he’s responding to me. Okay. And so if I need to have a difficult conversation with my father and actually try to understand or deliver a message that might be difficult for him to receive
00:26:43.620 –> 00:26:57.090
Jason Mefford: Excuse me doing that on the telephone is not the most effective way for me to do that because I can’t see his body language, he can’t see my body language, either.
00:26:57.630 –> 00:27:09.540
Jason Mefford: And so it makes that communication, much more difficult. And so one of the ways again to control the conversations is control the medium that is being used. OK.
00:27:10.110 –> 00:27:18.480
Jason Mefford: So again, and usually the more important the communication, the more in person, or at least visual that it needs to be.
00:27:18.930 –> 00:27:29.400
Jason Mefford: So in today’s remote environment. You may not be able to talk with someone face to face. So what you do is the next best thing which is video
00:27:29.820 –> 00:27:39.300
Jason Mefford: And in fact, you control the conversation. So as an example I use zoom a lot for for for talking to people now.
00:27:40.020 –> 00:27:49.380
Jason Mefford: Now, there are certain conversations I require the camera to be on. And I know a lot of people like to hide behind and not turn on their camera.
00:27:49.710 –> 00:27:57.330
Jason Mefford: Oh, you know, I didn’t, I didn’t put on my makeup today, or I’m wearing my pajamas. I don’t care. The conversation that we’re having
00:27:57.690 –> 00:28:12.960
Jason Mefford: I need to see your face and you need to see my face so turn on the camera or we’re not going to have the conversation. Okay, control the conversation by controlling the medium. That’s one of the things to do now.
00:28:14.100 –> 00:28:16.830
Jason Mefford: I’m also going to share with you.
00:28:18.450 –> 00:28:26.460
Jason Mefford: Because I know I’m already I’m looking at the time here, and I don’t want this to get too long. But let me let me share with you one other way of helping to
00:28:27.480 –> 00:28:44.730
Jason Mefford: Manage the Manage communications. Oh and one more thing on the communication mediums. Is this use the best communication medium, not the easiest communication medium.
00:28:45.480 –> 00:28:55.110
Jason Mefford: And I say that because a lot of times we don’t want to have a conversation. And so maybe we just send somebody an email because we don’t want to have to hear what they’re going to say,
00:28:55.470 –> 00:29:01.710
Jason Mefford: Or we don’t have to want to have to respond to it. That’s the chicken shit way of doing it, my friends.
00:29:02.580 –> 00:29:12.030
Jason Mefford: Use the right medium. Don’t use the easy medium, use the one that is right for the message that has to be delivered. Okay.
00:29:12.930 –> 00:29:34.290
Jason Mefford: Now the last one that I want to talk about today, because again, I want to be conscious of your time is the words you use matter. And so I’m going to give you a quick little tip on just how to change the sentence structure, especially when you are giving feedback to people.
00:29:35.550 –> 00:29:42.840
Jason Mefford: In the English language. And what I call this is reversing your butts. Okay, reversing your butts.
00:29:43.500 –> 00:30:03.330
Jason Mefford: Most of the time when you’re giving people feedback. Most people will say something like this, Jason. You did a really good job on that last audit, comma, but I need you to do XYZ differently next time. Okay. That’s how most people tend to
00:30:04.470 –> 00:30:11.850
Jason Mefford: Use our sentence structure to be more effective in your communication and to be able to control that conversation.
00:30:12.330 –> 00:30:18.360
Jason Mefford: Is reverse the order of the sentence. So that’s why I call it reversing your butts.
00:30:19.080 –> 00:30:27.540
Jason Mefford: What you would normally say at the end, which is usually the the corrective action you put at the front instead. So you would say something like this.
00:30:28.290 –> 00:30:40.410
Jason Mefford: Jason next time you do an audit. I need you to do x, y, z comma. But I was really happy with the work that you did on this particular project.
00:30:41.010 –> 00:30:52.470
Jason Mefford: It’s delivering the same message, but the order and using the word but is something that makes it so that you’re delivering the message better people still get the message.
00:30:53.010 –> 00:30:57.870
Jason Mefford: But they don’t completely discount the praise that you’re trying to give them at the beginning.
00:30:58.410 –> 00:31:07.530
Jason Mefford: Plus having the praise at the end is usually better subconsciously for people because the first thing you do when you praise, somebody is they go
00:31:07.890 –> 00:31:16.470
Jason Mefford: In the back of their mind they go oh shit something’s about to come. Okay. Because usually if somebody, you know, especially if your boss just comes up to you and goes
00:31:16.800 –> 00:31:21.900
Jason Mefford: You know you did a really great job, you know, two months ago on this thing.
00:31:22.800 –> 00:31:27.390
Jason Mefford: When they say that you’re going. Okay, whoa, I know something else is coming though, because why
00:31:27.780 –> 00:31:39.000
Jason Mefford: Would they randomly. Give me some sort of compliment something negative is coming next. And so again, flipping that around helps you to be able to do that.
00:31:39.540 –> 00:31:52.740
Jason Mefford: Now again, as I told you today. I don’t have enough time to get into all of these things, but I have hundreds of these type of things that you can use to help control in a conversation
00:31:53.190 –> 00:32:01.110
Jason Mefford: Including again, the way that you’re using your language. The way you use your voice as you’re talking and you can go up.
00:32:02.130 –> 00:32:09.330
Jason Mefford: Or you can go down and there’s some different things that you can do with that. The way you use your body language, all of these different things.
00:32:10.170 –> 00:32:19.470
Jason Mefford: Because as I told you to begin with, right when I had that really bad conversation. I was learning everything in anything that I could
00:32:19.830 –> 00:32:24.840
Jason Mefford: And now after 10 years of studying and learning and applying all of these things.
00:32:25.260 –> 00:32:37.320
Jason Mefford: Now I’m sharing that with everybody else in the briefing leadership program. Okay. It’s actually a program where you can go through learn exactly
00:32:37.650 –> 00:32:47.790
Jason Mefford: How to do these things, right, the different skills that you need. But more important than that you actually have opportunities to exercise and practice those things.
00:32:48.390 –> 00:32:58.950
Jason Mefford: Until they become second nature to you, just like riding a bike. And when you learn these things. It’s just like Daniel, you know, show me wax on, wax off.
00:32:59.340 –> 00:33:10.110
Jason Mefford: The next time somebody tries to hijack the conversation and it’s not going where you want it to go, you’ll know exactly what to say and what to do. Okay.
00:33:10.830 –> 00:33:20.400
Jason Mefford: And so the reason I’m telling you about this now is this is the first time that I’ve that I’m offering this publicly and it’s open for registration right now.
00:33:20.790 –> 00:33:32.040
Jason Mefford: The problem is it’s not a problem if you actually take action, but it’s closing on the 22nd of December. Okay, I’m only holding it open for the people that are ready.
00:33:32.430 –> 00:33:46.020
Jason Mefford: And want to get in right now. But there’s a whole bunch of information. There is a link in the show notes down below on where you can go to learn about this and to be able to join and get into this
00:33:46.470 –> 00:34:00.450
Jason Mefford: Because not only do you receive you know weekly videos about exactly how to do this and monthly calls with me on talking through and answering questions on how to actually apply this
00:34:00.900 –> 00:34:11.370
Jason Mefford: To people’s particular situation so that you learn, you know how to do this and all the other access in the program that is there, but there’s a community of people
00:34:11.730 –> 00:34:16.110
Jason Mefford: That are going through the same things that you are. Remember I told you before, there’s no shame.
00:34:16.500 –> 00:34:24.390
Jason Mefford: In or embarrassment in this because lots of people are going through the same thing. One of the huge benefits of this is you get to
00:34:24.720 –> 00:34:40.230
Jason Mefford: Actually have a community with people that are working on and going through and they get you. They understand you, because they are going through or have gone through the same exact things that you have been going through. Okay.
00:34:41.010 –> 00:34:46.980
Jason Mefford: Another thing with this. I told you I’ve got hundreds of these other little things to be able to teach you and share with you.
00:34:47.400 –> 00:34:54.480
Jason Mefford: And one of the things that’s in there that you’re going to find really helpful when you register is there’s a whole cheat sheet.
00:34:54.840 –> 00:35:02.580
Jason Mefford: On exactly what to say. Kind of words and phrases and questions. In fact, I didn’t have time to get into that today.
00:35:03.120 –> 00:35:13.950
Jason Mefford: But the better questions you ask, you actually can help remove resistance move people to take action and get the conversation to go exactly where you want to as well.
00:35:14.280 –> 00:35:24.270
Jason Mefford: You just have to understand how to use the questions and what questions are best to ask. And that’s all included in this program as well.
00:35:24.690 –> 00:35:31.710
Jason Mefford: And so again, as I told you there’s information in the show notes down below. The reason that I’m sharing this with you again today.
00:35:32.190 –> 00:35:41.850
Jason Mefford: I know that there are lots of people out there that are struggling with these things that want to learn how to do these things. They don’t want to be in situations like that anymore.
00:35:42.330 –> 00:35:53.160
Jason Mefford: And if you are one of those people, then I want to help you. And that’s why I’m talking to you right now. If you’re not, if you’re like, I’m cool. Everything’s fine.
00:35:53.820 –> 00:36:04.830
Jason Mefford: Go about your life, you know, and the next time you get knocked down and the elephant ends up sitting on you, then realize that I’m here to help. Next time as well.
00:36:05.490 –> 00:36:16.350
Jason Mefford: But as I told you the briefing leadership program is only open for a short time. And the reason for that is so that I can focus my attention on serving people in the program.
00:36:16.860 –> 00:36:26.970
Jason Mefford: And so there will only be opportunities to get into this program once or twice a year. And so if you’re serious, if you’re ready. If you want the help. I’m here to help.
00:36:27.480 –> 00:36:39.840
Jason Mefford: And and I would love to have you in the program. So with that, my friends, is a wrap up today. Remember wax on, wax off. You don’t have to get beat up and bullied.
00:36:40.470 –> 00:36:50.250
Jason Mefford: By people either in your family or at work. There are ways for you to actually learn exactly how to control any conversation.
00:36:50.550 –> 00:37:02.430
Jason Mefford: Get people to take action and be able to make quicker and better decisions and I look forward to being able to help you do exactly that.
00:37:03.060 –> 00:37:10.680
Jason Mefford: Now as your takeaway for this week. Again, if you missed them. I gave you a couple of tangible things that you can start working on this week.
00:37:11.040 –> 00:37:20.490
Jason Mefford: To show you that this actually does work. So if you missed it the first time, rewind. Heck, you might even want to actually listen to the whole episode again.
00:37:21.090 –> 00:37:29.160
Jason Mefford: And with that, I’m going to sign off for this week and I’ll catch you on the next episode of jammin with Jason. Have a great week, my friend.