Imagine you are in your BED and just don’t want to get out. You might feel a little fear, depression or shame. You want to pull up the covers and stay exactly where you are, but it’s time to flip off the covers, jump in your canoe and start paddling with your OAR and go from playing the role of a victim to becoming the victor.

I’m joined by my dear friend Marty Stanley on this #jammingwithjason #internalauditpodcast to discuss her “Get Out of B.E.D.” model. A simple model you can remember and use to get you out of blame, excuses, denial / drama and instead take ownership, accountability, and responsibility for you actions. Get out a pen and paper so you can draw the model and we talk through each part.

This simple model has helped me for years and I am so excited to share Marty and her model with each of you.

To get a copy of the Get Out of B.E.D. model and connect with Marty, visit her website: email her at: [email protected], or connect with her on LinkedIn:


00:00:02.340 –> 00:00:13.170
Jason Mefford: Welcome to another episode of jamming with Jason. Hey, everybody. I am so thrilled to have one of my dear friends with me and it’s Marty Stanley

00:00:13.799 –> 00:00:20.190
Jason Mefford: That I may introduce here in just a minute. But I have to tell you she is one of my favorite people there is

00:00:21.120 –> 00:00:27.990
Jason Mefford: Something that she taught me several years ago called getting out of bed has been something that I wanted to share with you.

00:00:28.590 –> 00:00:39.480
Jason Mefford: And I could share it, but it’s better to have Marty. Come on, and actually teach it to you because she is who I learned it from. And so I’m so excited, Marty. Welcome to the show.

00:00:39.720 –> 00:00:40.230
Marty Stanley, CSP: Thank you.

00:00:41.370 –> 00:00:45.810
Jason Mefford: It’s a, it’s nice to have you here. And like I said, this is, this is going to be a good

00:00:46.410 –> 00:01:01.740
Jason Mefford: Opportunity to for people to start kind of putting into practice a few of the things I’ve been talking about with learning because you’ve created this great model called get out of bed be Ed right which actually stands for something

00:01:02.160 –> 00:01:06.510
Jason Mefford: Yes. So, you know, if you’re in a place where you can pull out a piece of paper.

00:01:06.900 –> 00:01:18.330
Jason Mefford: Do that because as we talk through this, I want you to kind of draw a picture so that you can understand, you know, and get this concept because

00:01:18.810 –> 00:01:26.190
Jason Mefford: This is one of the most important concepts that you can learn and actually apply in your life to make you happier.

00:01:26.850 –> 00:01:35.010
Jason Mefford: Okay, so. So Marty maybe let’s start off with just kind of give a little bit of a background because you’ve got a tremendous background.

00:01:35.430 –> 00:01:44.610
Jason Mefford: That really has led into a lot of the work that you’ve done here to develop this model. So, so, introduce yourself, tell everybody why you’re so amazing. Besides,

00:01:45.090 –> 00:01:46.680
Jason Mefford: I already know that. But they don’t know that yet.

00:01:47.220 –> 00:01:53.550
Marty Stanley, CSP: So when you say I have tremendous background I think another way of wording those I’ve been around the block a few times.

00:01:55.650 –> 00:01:59.040
Jason Mefford: 29 but you know you’ve been around the block a few times, right.

00:01:59.100 –> 00:02:21.450
Marty Stanley, CSP: Yeah, so, um, so I started out my career in Green Bay, Wisconsin, working for a little company that had about 250 people and I started every human resource function, except for recruiting for that company and that company is now part of Humana. The small group health division.

00:02:22.680 –> 00:02:27.570
Jason Mefford: And it’s not a small company human one of the largest healthcare companies in the US.

00:02:28.260 –> 00:02:30.630
Marty Stanley, CSP: And during that I was there for 11 years and

00:02:31.650 –> 00:02:39.840
Marty Stanley, CSP: We were bought and sold several times. It was started out in the basement of a couple guys homes, which is a whole other story about entrepreneurs, working with them but

00:02:41.190 –> 00:03:01.200
Marty Stanley, CSP: We were bought and sold several times. And actually, when I left the company. We were owned by Lincoln national at that time, but it’s now part of Humana. And during the time that I was there. We grew from the 250 people to 1700 and became a nationwide billion dollar company.

00:03:02.550 –> 00:03:19.260
Marty Stanley, CSP: And I left there and I went to work for. I was head of HR there in training and development and corporate wellness started a nationally recognized number 25 actually in the country corporate wellness programs, way before anybody was doing corporate wellness.

00:03:20.520 –> 00:03:32.850
Marty Stanley, CSP: But I left there and went to Kansas City and was became the VP of HR for Blue Cross Blue Shield and they hired me because my previous company and taking someone’s business away from

00:03:35.370 –> 00:03:39.690
Jason Mefford: Marty can help us, you know, something we don’t know, and I’m like, yeah.

00:03:39.780 –> 00:03:48.030
Marty Stanley, CSP: Yeah, I do. And so what what I knew and the company bench. We were really good at customer service.

00:03:49.230 –> 00:03:55.320
Marty Stanley, CSP: Really, really good. And we really focused on Main Street and companies had fewer than 50

00:03:56.370 –> 00:04:02.190
Marty Stanley, CSP: Employees, but we knew our motto, kind of, there was, we can do anything better faster and cheaper.

00:04:02.850 –> 00:04:10.230
Marty Stanley, CSP: You know, and we were pretty cocky. We took the country by storm. Nobody saw this coming. You know, like this little company in Green Bay for that.

00:04:10.680 –> 00:04:22.200
Marty Stanley, CSP: So anyway, so I went to Blue Cross, which was like 180 degrees, different from where I came from, because they were pretty traditional, you know, very bureaucratic and they had to reinvent themselves.

00:04:23.070 –> 00:04:34.140
Marty Stanley, CSP: So I was with them for about five years and help them transition and start to become more become more innovative and reinventing themselves.

00:04:34.710 –> 00:04:48.990
Marty Stanley, CSP: And along the way, this is kind of an aside, on a personal no i i hear. I was in the position I always wanted to be in VP of HR big company, you know, good, great credentials, but I wasn’t very happy.

00:04:50.310 –> 00:05:06.210
Marty Stanley, CSP: And so I started doing some really intensive growth and development work and continue doing very intensive work with landmark education for about honor ended up being maybe over 10 years but in my second course with them.

00:05:07.290 –> 00:05:10.260
Marty Stanley, CSP: We had to create our future. Hundred and 50 years out.

00:05:11.070 –> 00:05:18.270
Marty Stanley, CSP: And so it was in that course that I said I want to have one more corporate experience. And then I want to create a business.

00:05:18.960 –> 00:05:23.610
Marty Stanley, CSP: Or have my own business, but I want to create a process that makes a difference for people

00:05:25.290 –> 00:05:29.550
Marty Stanley, CSP: Because in, you probably know this from your corporate experience, um,

00:05:30.840 –> 00:05:32.460
Marty Stanley, CSP: I used to call it flavor of the month.

00:05:34.440 –> 00:05:36.090
Jason Mefford: My magazine is what I would call it.

00:05:37.560 –> 00:05:49.590
Marty Stanley, CSP: You know, it’s like okay now we’re gonna have were highly effective people and now we’re gonna have you know six sigma. Now we’re going to have lead management. Now we’re going to have, you know, whatever the flavor was

00:05:51.060 –> 00:06:06.090
Marty Stanley, CSP: And as the VP of HR, it always fell on my shoulders to either get it going to be the champion and most people would roll their eyes, you know, and put their head down and say this too will pass

00:06:07.050 –> 00:06:10.470
Jason Mefford: And if I if I hold out long enough. I don’t have to actually do it.

00:06:10.680 –> 00:06:12.690
Jason Mefford: Exactly. That’s corporate life. Yeah.

00:06:12.900 –> 00:06:17.640
Marty Stanley, CSP: And like let me ask you this, how, how many binders. Do you have

00:06:19.980 –> 00:06:20.760
Marty Stanley, CSP: Hold that flavor. The

00:06:21.390 –> 00:06:23.820
Jason Mefford: Whole bookshelf over here with some other stuff. Yeah.

00:06:24.210 –> 00:06:36.870
Marty Stanley, CSP: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And so when I was doing this exploration. I thought, you know, I want to create a process that makes a difference for people where they don’t have to remember seven habits or six steps or five keys.

00:06:37.620 –> 00:06:43.890
Marty Stanley, CSP: You know and like when you create an intention, like that. Most times you don’t know how to do it.

00:06:45.660 –> 00:06:55.800
Marty Stanley, CSP: But what happens when you create the intention is that, and this is what happened in my case, I started reading

00:06:56.430 –> 00:07:09.120
Marty Stanley, CSP: Material that I never came across before or meeting people who had information that I never heard about before I get was nothing that I would have seen in the New York Times, The Wall Street Journal or Fast Company magazine.

00:07:09.540 –> 00:07:18.810
Marty Stanley, CSP: Just wasn’t there, and there was this know to keep in mind some of this stuff that I’m talking about is pretty mainstream now but 20

00:07:18.870 –> 00:07:20.100
Jason Mefford: Years. Yeah.

00:07:20.250 –> 00:07:26.760
Marty Stanley, CSP: Yeah 25 years ago, which was because I started this process and 96 and I went out on my own in 2000

00:07:27.780 –> 00:07:28.260
Marty Stanley, CSP: Okay.

00:07:28.590 –> 00:07:30.030
Marty Stanley, CSP: It was not mainstream

00:07:30.360 –> 00:07:40.170
Marty Stanley, CSP: Any means, you know. So people thought it was pretty weird actually because I was reading stuff in quantum physics and then neuroscience and, you know,

00:07:41.040 –> 00:07:43.110
Jason Mefford: This is one of the reasons why I love you so much. Yeah.

00:07:44.280 –> 00:07:50.280
Jason Mefford: Because we have a lot of these side passion things that we’re learning about all the time and then trying to bring it back.

00:07:50.580 –> 00:07:51.210
Marty Stanley, CSP: Yeah.

00:07:51.270 –> 00:07:52.290
Jason Mefford: We’re doing day to day

00:07:53.070 –> 00:08:01.830
Marty Stanley, CSP: Yeah, exactly. But back then, I mean, even my family thought I was nuts. Um, but anyway, so I’m sharing this because

00:08:02.580 –> 00:08:12.630
Marty Stanley, CSP: The get out of bed model came out of wanting to create an intention that makes a difference for people and I had no idea how that was going to happen.

00:08:13.320 –> 00:08:31.650
Marty Stanley, CSP: And but one other thing that was kind of interesting in that whole process was when I said I wanted one more corporate position and then go out on my own. I ended up leaving Blue Cross, because I had had probably 15 years in the group health insurance industry just

00:08:32.760 –> 00:08:40.050
Marty Stanley, CSP: Because that’s where I ended up, you know, but I said I wanted to work in a fun industry and

00:08:40.140 –> 00:08:41.130
Jason Mefford: You pick the wrong one.

00:08:41.910 –> 00:08:53.730
Marty Stanley, CSP: Have a product that people like. And so then I became the VP of HR for AMC entertainment. You know, like what’s what funded movies and I love the movies. So I got to be with AMC

00:08:54.900 –> 00:08:59.820
Marty Stanley, CSP: When we change the whole business model from multiplexes to the big mega

00:09:00.900 –> 00:09:14.580
Marty Stanley, CSP: Mega Plex has you know 1418 2024 30 screens and during the time that I was there. We had to reinvent the whole all of the HR functions to me that new business model.

00:09:15.090 –> 00:09:30.570
Marty Stanley, CSP: And we had to hire 500 plus theater managers in 2000 staff members over three year period because what business model change so much but anyway. Then I went out on my own in 2000 and by that time, I gather

00:09:31.830 –> 00:09:33.270
Marty Stanley, CSP: Quite a bit of

00:09:34.620 –> 00:09:41.880
Marty Stanley, CSP: Just really disparate information from lots of different sources that ended up becoming the get out of bed model.

00:09:43.500 –> 00:09:44.070
Marty Stanley, CSP: So well

00:09:44.280 –> 00:09:47.730
Jason Mefford: And I think what you said is, is so important because

00:09:48.870 –> 00:09:57.990
Jason Mefford: I think you know there is that flavor of the month, or I use the term you know management by magazine, right, the CEO gets off the plane and

00:09:58.320 –> 00:10:09.630
Jason Mefford: Whatever magazine, he or she had just read. Now this is the new thing we’re going to do right and so a lot of times you feel like you’re getting, yo, yo, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

00:10:10.110 –> 00:10:19.740
Jason Mefford: And that leads to a lot of people, you know, like we said before, it’s this passive resistance, like, well, if I if I just tune it out. It’s going to go away and

00:10:20.790 –> 00:10:35.610
Jason Mefford: It’s going to go away because somebody’s going to read some new book or see some new whatever. Right. Yeah. But I think you know your whole idea of your intention of trying to make a difference and make something that is simple for them.

00:10:36.120 –> 00:10:41.250
Jason Mefford: To follow. That’s one of the reasons why I love this model so much and

00:10:42.180 –> 00:10:48.180
Marty Stanley, CSP: You’re actually pointing to the beauty of it. Because how many years ago was it that I told you about.

00:10:48.750 –> 00:10:50.100
Jason Mefford: Was 25 years at least.

00:10:51.630 –> 00:10:56.730
Jason Mefford: For me, oh geez probably three, four years ago, at least, right.

00:10:57.180 –> 00:11:03.630
Jason Mefford: And again, it’s anytime so so folks that are listening. This is why we’re talking about this and we’re going to go through the model.

00:11:04.290 –> 00:11:17.760
Jason Mefford: But anytime I feel like I want to just literally pull the head, the covers up over my head and stay in bed, I give myself a little slap in here, Marty say get out of bad right

00:11:19.050 –> 00:11:21.630
Jason Mefford: And that little saying of remembering get out of

00:11:21.630 –> 00:11:31.950
Jason Mefford: Bad starts to recalibrate you and help you to be able to get out of that state that I mean as humans. Honestly, we get into all the time we go back and forth, right.

00:11:32.550 –> 00:11:40.020
Jason Mefford: And so in, like you said, it’s something that simple but it’s very, very powerful.

00:11:40.680 –> 00:11:48.480
Jason Mefford: And so, you know, I like some of you may have heard of living above the line or below the line. Okay, this is

00:11:48.870 –> 00:11:53.760
Jason Mefford: The model kind of goes along with this as well that we’re going to jump in right so

00:11:54.150 –> 00:12:07.560
Jason Mefford: So let’s go through and start kind of talking a little bit about the model. So like I said, if you’ve got a piece of paper kind of write down draw this picture as we’re talking about it, but it’s called get out of bed be Ed. So what is it be E D stands for

00:12:08.910 –> 00:12:12.300
Marty Stanley, CSP: Lame excuses and denial

00:12:13.020 –> 00:12:14.610
Jason Mefford: Not that I have ever been in.

00:12:15.090 –> 00:12:19.440
Jason Mefford: Bladder cancer denial is drama.

00:12:19.980 –> 00:12:25.860
Jason Mefford: Oh, drama, drama, drama, drama, that’s good, that’s good for TV and movies. I don’t like it in my life. Yeah.

00:12:26.370 –> 00:12:28.140
Marty Stanley, CSP: But we create a lot of drama.

00:12:28.710 –> 00:12:30.180
Marty Stanley, CSP: Or were subjected to

00:12:30.270 –> 00:12:39.300
Marty Stanley, CSP: get sucked into the drama. So that’s why I added the X I have like denial slash drama.

00:12:39.690 –> 00:12:47.340
Jason Mefford: Yeah well and i and i think this is easy because because again I got reminded of this. I mean, I think it was on a previous episode here.

00:12:47.820 –> 00:13:00.180
Jason Mefford: Where I was talking about, you know, especially with a lot of the pandemic stuff and things that people are dealing with a lot of people are dealing, you know, with fear and some people might even go down into a depression state.

00:13:00.810 –> 00:13:05.640
Jason Mefford: You know, to where, you know, physically, even sometimes people just don’t want to get out of bed.

00:13:06.030 –> 00:13:11.340
Jason Mefford: Right. You know, they just feel like I don’t want to get out of bed. I’m just going to pull the covers up and I’m just going to stay here.

00:13:12.150 –> 00:13:21.600
Jason Mefford: But you know, that’s, that’s one of the worst things that we can actually do, which is you know why I like this whole idea of, well, get out of your bed.

00:13:21.990 –> 00:13:37.350
Jason Mefford: You know, stop blaming stop making excuses stop having this denial or creating drama. So I guess why did you kind of, you know, lay on those three as as the things to remind us to stop doing

00:13:38.160 –> 00:13:46.470
Marty Stanley, CSP: Um, actually it was just a combination of lots of different things. You know, I don’t know that there’s anything really original out there.

00:13:48.120 –> 00:13:49.710
Jason Mefford: There’s various yeah

00:13:49.980 –> 00:13:57.690
Marty Stanley, CSP: Know like when you refer to above the line and below the line and studying that stuff to him. And that’s there’s an overlap. And so I think

00:13:59.010 –> 00:14:00.480
Marty Stanley, CSP: There’s a lot of

00:14:02.910 –> 00:14:13.170
Marty Stanley, CSP: A lot of information that is out there that is very similar. Um, it’s just a matter of packaging in a way that resonates for people

00:14:13.530 –> 00:14:13.740
Jason Mefford: Yeah.

00:14:13.950 –> 00:14:20.640
Marty Stanley, CSP: I think that’s the best way I can describe this, you know, we could come up with a lot of other things. Plus, I was looking for techy acronym, you know,

00:14:21.750 –> 00:14:24.570
Jason Mefford: It’s a very catchy acronym. And again, that’s why.

00:14:24.990 –> 00:14:29.310
Jason Mefford: There’s so much beauty in this because, you know, as humans, we like threes.

00:14:29.700 –> 00:14:33.270
Jason Mefford: Right, it’s easy for us to remember and if we’ve got an acronym that

00:14:33.300 –> 00:14:40.920
Jason Mefford: Can help us remember excuse denial, the ED, then it’s easier for us to remember and incorporate that in

00:14:41.700 –> 00:14:43.770
Marty Stanley, CSP: You know, and what’s funny, Jason is

00:14:45.780 –> 00:15:06.210
Marty Stanley, CSP: I i’ve been using this model for over 20 years now, or 20 yet just about 20 years and I’ve called it different things over the years, but probably around 2006 was when it became get our band and things just took off as soon as I changed.

00:15:08.490 –> 00:15:20.190
Marty Stanley, CSP: And then I was getting you know request to give the get out of bed presentation and, and, of course, even if people didn’t know what it meant. They love the title of it and they all wanted it for somebody else.

00:15:22.110 –> 00:15:26.820
Jason Mefford: It’s like anytime I talk about emotional intelligence. It’s like would you can make my boss more emotionally

00:15:26.820 –> 00:15:29.640
Jason Mefford: Intelligent and it’s like you got to work on. You first.

00:15:30.870 –> 00:15:31.680
Jason Mefford: I want to hear that.

00:15:31.950 –> 00:15:41.490
Marty Stanley, CSP: Exactly. I’ll say, people say, oh my, my staff really needs to hear this, or my boss or my way for my husband and my kids really need to hear this. You’re right.

00:15:41.610 –> 00:15:42.420
Marty Stanley, CSP: They do.

00:15:42.840 –> 00:15:45.180
Jason Mefford: You know, to be in the room to while we’re talking about

00:15:47.430 –> 00:15:54.000
Marty Stanley, CSP: You know there’s there’s a lot of stories that I can tell you about what people have done with it, good or bad model, but

00:15:55.260 –> 00:15:57.480
Marty Stanley, CSP: Do we want to talk about the model first and then

00:15:57.570 –> 00:16:00.780
Jason Mefford: Yeah, so, so, so what I can do is so so everybody

00:16:00.810 –> 00:16:04.680
Jason Mefford: You know, again, if you’ve got a piece of paper and a pencil or pen.

00:16:05.280 –> 00:16:09.060
Jason Mefford: I’m going to kind of give you like the outline of it. And then we’re going to fill in as we go through.

00:16:09.390 –> 00:16:16.590
Jason Mefford: So draw a line in the middle of the piece of paper with an arrow pointing up and an arrow pointing down. Okay.

00:16:16.980 –> 00:16:25.260
Jason Mefford: And we’ve already talked about on the down side, you know, on the bottom half of that page. That’s where you write B E and D.

00:16:25.770 –> 00:16:35.430
Jason Mefford: Which stands for blame excuses and denial or drama. Okay, so when we’re down in this lower part of the page.

00:16:36.000 –> 00:16:43.920
Jason Mefford: That’s where you’ve also labeled it as victim right so you can also write victim down in that area because

00:16:44.430 –> 00:16:57.540
Jason Mefford: When we’re in blame when were you know making excuses. When we’re, you know, creating drama or denying things were acting like a victim. So we’re having that victim mentality. Right.

00:16:58.050 –> 00:17:12.510
Jason Mefford: Which, you know, again, we all kind of go into there and I’m sure you’ve, you’ve seen that from lots of people over time, right, just like denying that always my staff needs to hear this denying that you actually are the one that needs to hear it to

00:17:13.440 –> 00:17:34.650
Marty Stanley, CSP: You know, and I just want to point out that I’m like you said you got to look in the mirror. First, and when I first started studying and practicing with this model like I do a thing. I call it the two week challenge in the two week challenge is to listen to yourself.

00:17:36.360 –> 00:17:41.460
Marty Stanley, CSP: Listen to the words that come out of your mouth and listen to the thoughts in your head and

00:17:41.490 –> 00:17:53.040
Marty Stanley, CSP: Are you blaming and making excuses or denying are you creating or succumbing to drama and like literally to a challenge. I couldn’t even get through 10 minutes

00:17:54.600 –> 00:18:07.230
Marty Stanley, CSP: You know, I mean, and even to this day 20 years later. My automatic go to response in my head is to blame make excuses to make something first.

00:18:07.860 –> 00:18:10.140
Jason Mefford: I think it’s a natural human tendency

00:18:10.230 –> 00:18:10.830
Marty Stanley, CSP: Yeah.

00:18:10.890 –> 00:18:11.970
Jason Mefford: For us to do that.

00:18:12.450 –> 00:18:21.930
Marty Stanley, CSP: Exactly. So when everybody goes, and I’ve had a couple people in workshops will go like, oh, you know, that’s just how I live my life. I don’t blame I’m making excuses. I’m like, you’re right.

00:18:23.700 –> 00:18:24.690
Marty Stanley, CSP: You’re right.

00:18:26.910 –> 00:18:29.280
Marty Stanley, CSP: Who are you talking about denial here.

00:18:31.140 –> 00:18:40.080
Jason Mefford: Well, and, and I think what’s funny, because like what you said. He it’s, you know, for everybody to realize, especially if you’re if you’re saying if you’re saying things like this to yourself.

00:18:40.830 –> 00:18:47.430
Jason Mefford: Oh, you know, everybody around me is blaming somebody else. I hear excuses all day. Right.

00:18:48.030 –> 00:18:57.480
Jason Mefford: Oh, these people are in denial. Remember that that what you’re seeing or what’s coming to you is a reflection of us. So it says if we’re holding up a mirror.

00:18:57.930 –> 00:19:05.970
Jason Mefford: To ourself all the time. If you’re around a bunch of people that are that are in drama, it’s because you’re a drama queen or drama king to, you know,

00:19:06.510 –> 00:19:12.750
Jason Mefford: People that are that are denying and blaming and you know making excuses, you probably are to

00:19:13.920 –> 00:19:14.700
Jason Mefford: Why you’re seeing it.

00:19:15.150 –> 00:19:16.890
Marty Stanley, CSP: As I’m listening to you.

00:19:18.030 –> 00:19:30.780
Marty Stanley, CSP: And really listening to describe this it for the first time. What I heard is that in the process of saying all the people around me are always competitive making excuses like

00:19:30.960 –> 00:19:32.910
Jason Mefford: You’re doing it, you’re doing it right now.

00:19:33.030 –> 00:19:37.770
Marty Stanley, CSP: Yeah, you’re making an excuse right now. Oh, if these people around me with just it. Oh.

00:19:38.280 –> 00:19:39.030

00:19:40.410 –> 00:19:56.610
Marty Stanley, CSP: I never heard it that clearly until I heard you mimicking what people say and then the process of verbalizing that you’re, you’re in the muck to being a victim of other people’s excuses.

00:19:57.510 –> 00:20:01.860
Jason Mefford: Well, and, and, again, if you’re hearing that or if you’re seeing that another people

00:20:02.130 –> 00:20:03.960
Jason Mefford: You’re probably doing it.

00:20:04.080 –> 00:20:04.650
Marty Stanley, CSP: Yes.

00:20:04.740 –> 00:20:05.820
Jason Mefford: As well right and

00:20:06.150 –> 00:20:07.410
Jason Mefford: And again, this is not

00:20:07.710 –> 00:20:17.820
Jason Mefford: Oh, you know, Woe is me right if you’re if you’re blaming people if you’re, you know, making excuses. If you’re in drama or denial. That’s just part of being a human.

00:20:18.360 –> 00:20:21.630
Jason Mefford: But the idea is to recognize it and try to get out of it.

00:20:22.110 –> 00:20:26.880
Marty Stanley, CSP: So here’s this is like a really great segue to show with the alternative is

00:20:27.990 –> 00:20:39.030
Marty Stanley, CSP: Because you just mentioned something that I want to highlight and that is, oh yeah, like when you do the two week Challenge um

00:20:40.110 –> 00:20:43.980
Marty Stanley, CSP: Hopefully, what you’ll see is the humor of it all.

00:20:45.570 –> 00:20:50.040
Marty Stanley, CSP: Like I always say we’re kind of like wily coyote on the railroad tracks.

00:20:50.520 –> 00:21:05.760
Marty Stanley, CSP: You know, like we see we’re blaming and making excuses and it’s like wily coyote have a watch on that trade come right at you, you know, and he gets flattened down by the train and jumps up and it’s like, how did that happen, you know, and we’re like that with all the

00:21:07.140 –> 00:21:21.540
Marty Stanley, CSP: Excuses so so if people choose to start listening to what are they thinking about and what are they talking about and and begin to really hear

00:21:22.380 –> 00:21:31.710
Marty Stanley, CSP: The frequency with which we blame and make excuses, hopefully, and find it funny. I mean, it’s never funding when you’re in the middle of it, like, I’ll be there.

00:21:33.690 –> 00:21:52.710
Marty Stanley, CSP: Are plenty them but it when you get everything step back and that awareness thing that you just said, you know, then I’m then you did all my time, you know, like, this is crazy. So if I can flip to show what how to get out of that.

00:21:52.800 –> 00:21:58.650
Jason Mefford: Yeah. So what’s on the top right. So we showed them on the bottom is blame excuse denial, you’re in victim mentality.

00:21:59.040 –> 00:22:00.990
Jason Mefford: Right. So to get above that line.

00:22:01.290 –> 00:22:07.350
Jason Mefford: And we’re going to tell you what that line is here in a little bit too, but above the line is what it’s it’s another three letter acronym.

00:22:07.950 –> 00:22:11.790
Marty Stanley, CSP: three letter acronym h o our ownership.

00:22:13.290 –> 00:22:14.520
Marty Stanley, CSP: Accountability.

00:22:15.690 –> 00:22:17.160
Marty Stanley, CSP: And responsibility.

00:22:19.110 –> 00:22:21.420
Jason Mefford: Ownership accountability and responsibility.

00:22:21.570 –> 00:22:28.830
Marty Stanley, CSP: Right, and then instead of like where we have victim written on the upper portion right victory.

00:22:30.030 –> 00:22:30.870
Or Victor

00:22:32.670 –> 00:22:33.360
Jason Mefford: Victor, victor.

00:22:36.600 –> 00:22:47.250
Jason Mefford: My mind goes workplaces. So everybody that’s listening. Right. So again, we use so far you built out the model you’ve got blame excuses denial or drama at the bottom and victim at the bottom with the arrow pointing down.

00:22:48.600 –> 00:23:02.730
Jason Mefford: On the top you have ownership accountability, responsibility and Victor or victory. Now here’s a simple way for you to try to remember this, right. So if you imagine that you are in bed.

00:23:03.900 –> 00:23:15.210
Jason Mefford: Right, so you’re lying down in bed, you’re lying down and blame excuse and denial. Okay, so you’re laying there you flip the sheets off.

00:23:15.840 –> 00:23:29.160
Jason Mefford: You hop into a canoe and you use your or to paddle away from your bed. Right. So there’s our OH AR or and now you’ve got a visual image in your mind.

00:23:29.640 –> 00:23:36.930
Jason Mefford: Which means, your brain is actually processing that because as you do that with a picture with some sort of visualization

00:23:37.380 –> 00:23:52.380
Jason Mefford: You’re going to remember it better if I’m, if you’re lying in your bed and blame excuse and denial and you want to get out of it, flip the sheets off hop into your canoe and start paddling your or take ownership accountability and responsibility for your actions.

00:23:54.960 –> 00:24:09.360
Marty Stanley, CSP: You know what, and here’s the thing, too, if I had a different title for this, like, take your order source or something like that people will be like, Yeah, okay, you know,

00:24:10.590 –> 00:24:11.550
Marty Stanley, CSP: They love to get

00:24:13.140 –> 00:24:17.370
Marty Stanley, CSP: You know, people. People are afraid of taking accountability.

00:24:19.050 –> 00:24:33.270
Marty Stanley, CSP: In many ways I they think it’s going to be hard. And here’s what I want people to get with this model is it’s harder to stay in the place of blame and excuses and denial that it is to take ownership and accountability.

00:24:34.320 –> 00:24:39.840
Marty Stanley, CSP: And I tell people the more you take ownership and accountability for your thoughts.

00:24:40.440 –> 00:24:54.960
Marty Stanley, CSP: And your words and your actions like most of us are really good about taking accountability for our actions are we like to think we are. But once you when you dig deeper and you start to take ownership for your thoughts.

00:24:56.220 –> 00:24:57.480
Marty Stanley, CSP: In your words.

00:24:58.710 –> 00:25:18.450
Marty Stanley, CSP: You become more discerning but there’s also this freedom that comes with that there’s a level of freedom that I mean because when your state of blaming and excuses. You feel physically having like you can feel depressed, like you said earlier, you can feel there’s a weight.

00:25:19.710 –> 00:25:32.010
Marty Stanley, CSP: That you carry around. But when you take ownership and accountability and here’s a distinction that’s really important is that when you’re taking ownership and accountability.

00:25:32.910 –> 00:25:47.310
Marty Stanley, CSP: It’s not about whether you’re right or wrong or good or bad, that there’s no judgment when you’re really taking ownership and accountability. There’s no judgment there because if there’s judgment, you’re back to blame you making excuses.

00:25:50.490 –> 00:25:51.810
Jason Mefford: That’s a very good distinction

00:25:52.380 –> 00:25:55.110
Jason Mefford: Right, is that, you know, again, and like you said, it’s

00:25:57.000 –> 00:26:02.850
Jason Mefford: You know, we, a lot of times don’t want to take ownership accountability or responsibility because we think it’s hard.

00:26:03.180 –> 00:26:06.750
Jason Mefford: Right. But it’s harder to stay in the blame excuse in denial

00:26:07.380 –> 00:26:11.640
Jason Mefford: Yeah, like you said there there is, you know, and everybody listening. You probably felt this before.

00:26:12.120 –> 00:26:25.620
Jason Mefford: You know that as your as you’re feeling as you start to go down that emotional spiral. You feel the heaviness of it. And when you actually take action and do something about it. You can literally feel

00:26:25.920 –> 00:26:27.480
Jason Mefford: physically feel

00:26:27.900 –> 00:26:33.600
Jason Mefford: Even though it’s just emotion and even though it’s just fly you can physically feel a difference in your body.

00:26:33.960 –> 00:26:34.710
Marty Stanley, CSP: Yes, right.

00:26:35.190 –> 00:26:40.230
Jason Mefford: And it’s in in what’s you know, important, too, is it’s like it’s 100% accountability.

00:26:40.320 –> 00:26:48.930
Jason Mefford: It’s 100% responsibility. It’s 100% accountability and I actually just heard it was a reminder think jack Canfield said it.

00:26:50.190 –> 00:27:01.800
Jason Mefford: Probably in the success principles. And who knows, I’ve listened to so much of his stuff. I don’t know where it comes from. But, you know, he said something to the, to the effect of with integrity and it would go along with any of these right

00:27:01.830 –> 00:27:18.090
Jason Mefford: Yes. Hundred percent integrity is easy 99% is a bitch right because because if you don’t, if you go in all the way right then you just you get rid of all that other stuff.

00:27:18.480 –> 00:27:23.160
Jason Mefford: Right, if you’re if you’re only part of the way in, then you still have that heaviness and everything.

00:27:23.160 –> 00:27:26.910
Jason Mefford: Else from the bad experience.

00:27:27.000 –> 00:27:27.720

00:27:28.950 –> 00:27:29.760
Marty Stanley, CSP: Exactly.

00:27:29.970 –> 00:27:36.210
Jason Mefford: So, so why do you think it is so hard for people to want to want to take that ownership accountability and responsibility.

00:27:38.130 –> 00:27:50.250
Marty Stanley, CSP: Well, I have lots of ideas on this one, but one of them is I think we live in a society that kind of supports the victim and the drama and, you know, Real Housewives and

00:27:52.350 –> 00:27:55.020
Jason Mefford: When you look at a lot of the entertainment that’s out there and does

00:27:57.330 –> 00:27:59.490
Marty Stanley, CSP: He know that look at advertising.

00:28:00.090 –> 00:28:02.310
Marty Stanley, CSP: You know, there’s usually something wrong with you.

00:28:05.370 –> 00:28:07.260
Jason Mefford: Have to be right can’t sell your product, right.

00:28:08.460 –> 00:28:25.410
Marty Stanley, CSP: And I think that there’s, I think if you start listening to conversations at home, you start listening to advertising or reading or what are you listening to or drawn to. And I think there’s a lot of intrigue around

00:28:26.550 –> 00:28:33.480
Marty Stanley, CSP: watching somebody else’s drama or watching someone else’s misfortune that makes you feel better about yourself, maybe, but

00:28:35.040 –> 00:28:38.100
Marty Stanley, CSP: Who knows but it certainly isn’t inspiring.

00:28:39.780 –> 00:28:46.170
Marty Stanley, CSP: It can be good cheap entertainment, you know, but it is an inspiring you to

00:28:49.230 –> 00:28:51.210
Marty Stanley, CSP: See these really cheesy words.

00:28:51.390 –> 00:28:53.580
Jason Mefford: Don’t say I love cheesy. Come on.

00:28:54.420 –> 00:28:55.980
Jason Mefford: Wisconsin, so it’s perfect, right.

00:28:56.250 –> 00:29:02.010
Marty Stanley, CSP: So, so the awkward moment is to. Are you inspired to live your best life or

00:29:02.220 –> 00:29:22.650
Marty Stanley, CSP: You know, come into your greatness. But in. I mean, that sounds really cheesy but um but the bottom line is when you start taking ownership and accountability for your choices and it’s just a choice. And you can change your choice at any moment to either be blaming or not.

00:29:25.440 –> 00:29:33.210
Marty Stanley, CSP: And you can make that shift in a moment’s notice. You know, I’ve had clients, where they would be going down.

00:29:33.870 –> 00:29:46.020
Marty Stanley, CSP: This one guy he was with the staff and he was always making excuses and blaming other people and he started to practice using this model and with his staff. I mean, the staff used to complain to me all the time.

00:29:46.380 –> 00:29:59.190
Marty Stanley, CSP: About how horrible it was. And when he started practicing taking ownership and accountability. I remember distinctly that there was a time that he was in a staff meeting went down the rabbit hole blame.

00:30:00.330 –> 00:30:01.800
Marty Stanley, CSP: And he stopped themselves.

00:30:02.880 –> 00:30:04.140
Marty Stanley, CSP: And he said to his staff.

00:30:06.090 –> 00:30:15.060
Marty Stanley, CSP: I’m I want to rephrase that. Give me a minute and let me rephrase to take ownership and accountability and their jaws just draw

00:30:17.370 –> 00:30:32.340
Marty Stanley, CSP: When they also knew what he was working on. So they were very supportive of that and the war and he had the freedom with his team to do that because they knew that he wanted to start that process, but, um, does that make sense. I mean,

00:30:32.400 –> 00:30:39.930
Jason Mefford: No, it does. Well, and I think it’s also, it’s another great point to emphasize here is you know that that leader.

00:30:40.980 –> 00:30:41.880
Jason Mefford: Was aware

00:30:42.510 –> 00:30:44.790
Jason Mefford: Right. So again, he was working on.

00:30:45.240 –> 00:30:56.670
Jason Mefford: Trying to get out of you know that victim mentality and, you know, any, any of us that are trying to do this, we’re going to make mistakes. We’re going to go back down there from time to time.

00:30:57.360 –> 00:31:14.340
Jason Mefford: But it’s the awareness, you know, of coming back and trying to do it right because it takes it takes practice. It takes repetition. I mean hell we we spent, excuse me, decades of our life probably playing a victim.

00:31:14.730 –> 00:31:15.330
Marty Stanley, CSP: Yes.

00:31:15.660 –> 00:31:28.200
Jason Mefford: So it’s going to take a little bit of time for us to be the hero or heroine. Right. I mean, it did, it takes work and effort for us to get there. We’re going to slip back but you just keep moving forward.

00:31:28.740 –> 00:31:32.220
Marty Stanley, CSP: You just reminded me of about six things and I gotta figure out what you want.

00:31:33.870 –> 00:31:34.380
Marty Stanley, CSP: First

00:31:36.240 –> 00:31:56.070
Marty Stanley, CSP: You know, but think about. And you’re absolutely right. You know, we’re surrounded by a lot of victims, but think about. Who do you like to spend time with, who do you feel good hanging out with. And my guess is they’re probably people who aren’t in that victim blame excuses mode.

00:31:57.690 –> 00:32:09.450
Marty Stanley, CSP: And what I’ve also found is that when people start shifting when they see in themselves, how much they delay or they want to make a different choice that sometimes

00:32:10.770 –> 00:32:12.420
Marty Stanley, CSP: Their friendships change.

00:32:13.680 –> 00:32:29.460
Marty Stanley, CSP: Because he might have friendships that are bonded based on those wounds or those hurts or those, you know, the complaints and when you stop complaining, then they don’t have a compatriot it anymore.

00:32:30.630 –> 00:32:49.230
Marty Stanley, CSP: And so I’ve known I’ve experienced it myself where when I stop complaining about something. There are people who don’t want to. They don’t like me for not killing animals bandwagon. But there’s one other thing before we don’t want to lose this thought

00:32:50.640 –> 00:33:00.750
Marty Stanley, CSP: And this is really, really important because when we find ourselves in. And I’m including myself because I have to do this all the time.

00:33:01.230 –> 00:33:10.200
Marty Stanley, CSP: When I find myself blaming or making excuses and I’m really aware of it. Sometimes I want to stay there for a little bit, have a little pity party, you know,

00:33:11.070 –> 00:33:13.710
Jason Mefford: Where you’re allowed five minutes right five minute pity party and

00:33:14.880 –> 00:33:16.740
Marty Stanley, CSP: I say no more than two minutes.

00:33:16.800 –> 00:33:19.560
Jason Mefford: Oh, you say two minutes. Okay, I’ve heard five minute pity party.

00:33:20.250 –> 00:33:20.670
Jason Mefford: Keep it

00:33:20.700 –> 00:33:21.540
Jason Mefford: Keep it short.

00:33:22.470 –> 00:33:27.240
Marty Stanley, CSP: And even even then sometimes, it gives you, then you just repeat it. Yeah.

00:33:27.330 –> 00:33:49.350
Marty Stanley, CSP: You know, but anyway, here’s, here’s the magic question to ask. Okay, so you guys listening this, you’re going to want to write this down. Because when you find yourself blaming and making excuses and you want to stop it. Here’s what you do. You ask yourself.

00:33:52.920 –> 00:34:02.880
Marty Stanley, CSP: In this situation, or the circumstances, what can I take ownership or accountability for in being part of or creating the situation.

00:34:04.290 –> 00:34:12.030
Marty Stanley, CSP: Let me a word that again if you’re in luck, and you’re feeling like a victim. Ask yourself,

00:34:14.370 –> 00:34:22.230
Marty Stanley, CSP: Where can I take ownership or accountability or responsibility for being in this situation or circumstance.

00:34:24.420 –> 00:34:26.100
Marty Stanley, CSP: And I guarantee you.

00:34:26.190 –> 00:34:34.500
Marty Stanley, CSP: I guarantee that when you shift the narrative around that you’re gonna feel like

00:34:35.670 –> 00:34:37.050
Marty Stanley, CSP: Like Wile E. Coyote

00:34:38.220 –> 00:34:39.330
Jason Mefford: Comes to train

00:34:40.230 –> 00:34:43.410
Marty Stanley, CSP: And you’re going to go. It’s like that VA, you know, like, kitchen.

00:34:44.700 –> 00:34:50.070
Marty Stanley, CSP: You go with your fish, you know, it’s like, oh my god, how did I not see that

00:34:51.660 –> 00:35:00.060
Marty Stanley, CSP: And I can remember it. I’ll just give you a real quick example that I experienced. Just a couple years ago, and I won’t go into all the details of it, but

00:35:00.390 –> 00:35:12.690
Marty Stanley, CSP: I didn’t feel that I was being recognized for work that a team that I’ve created, we created some really great stuff. And I didn’t feel that we were properly recognized and appreciated for what we did.

00:35:13.260 –> 00:35:30.030
Marty Stanley, CSP: And it was a pretty public forum and I was, I was really checked off and it wasn’t for me. But it was for the team and what the team have done and we didn’t get the acknowledgement that we wanted. And I had, I mean, I was blaming and making excuses and complaining and I was really

00:35:33.810 –> 00:35:37.530
Marty Stanley, CSP: I remember seeing you like that. Oh yeah, I’ll tell you one of

00:35:39.240 –> 00:35:43.680
Marty Stanley, CSP: Them was nasty. But anyway, I had to. I thought, well, what would I say

00:35:44.760 –> 00:35:51.990
Marty Stanley, CSP: To a client or what would I say to somebody says, How do I, how do I stop this hike. I was like, live it. All right.

00:35:53.160 –> 00:36:02.520
Marty Stanley, CSP: And I decided to take my own medicine, which is, what can I say your dear to take ownership and accountability for being in the circumstance.

00:36:03.690 –> 00:36:04.890
Marty Stanley, CSP: Or situation.

00:36:06.030 –> 00:36:17.850
Marty Stanley, CSP: And what I came up with Jason, this, this just blew me away when I asked that question. My what I could take ownership for was that nobody asked us to do that work that we didn’t

00:36:19.560 –> 00:36:21.150
Marty Stanley, CSP: We did it because we wanted to

00:36:22.470 –> 00:36:31.110
Marty Stanley, CSP: We, we did it because it brought us joy. It was satisfaction, it made a difference. But nobody asked us to do that.

00:36:32.940 –> 00:36:36.420
Marty Stanley, CSP: And ones that gave me so much freedom.

00:36:37.530 –> 00:36:43.800
Marty Stanley, CSP: Because I’m like I’m asking. I want them to be recognizing us for something that they never really even care about

00:36:45.870 –> 00:36:58.530
Marty Stanley, CSP: But again, taking ownership that this brought us joy. It brought us together feeling like we’re making a difference and just make a difference about all the other people. We did it because we want it.

00:37:00.060 –> 00:37:15.570
Jason Mefford: Well, and that’s ultimately the important thing right i mean i gives you kind of that perspective, check of will hold it. We accomplished what we needed to. We don’t need outside, you know, accolades from other people.

00:37:15.960 –> 00:37:22.170
Jason Mefford: We got the benefit. We got the joy from actually doing it. And so there’s really no reason to go down that rabbit hole.

00:37:22.590 –> 00:37:23.280
Marty Stanley, CSP: Yeah, because

00:37:23.580 –> 00:37:24.360
Jason Mefford: People don’t need it.

00:37:25.080 –> 00:37:29.760
Marty Stanley, CSP: The people who benefited from it were like, oh my god, this is amazing.

00:37:30.240 –> 00:37:38.520
Marty Stanley, CSP: You know, so I yeah we just had to shift the lens on that one. And really, by taking ownership and accountability.

00:37:40.380 –> 00:37:42.930
Marty Stanley, CSP: I felt so much freer

00:37:44.070 –> 00:37:45.330
Marty Stanley, CSP: And joyous

00:37:46.650 –> 00:37:47.220
Marty Stanley, CSP: That

00:37:48.270 –> 00:38:02.580
Marty Stanley, CSP: So all the people who go all it’s really hard to take ownership and accountability know it’s hard to keep staying in that state of being victim and once you can make that switch it really

00:38:03.750 –> 00:38:04.710
Marty Stanley, CSP: Is liberating.

00:38:05.670 –> 00:38:11.520
Jason Mefford: Well, I think, like you said that magic question. You know, because anytime that we find ourselves in a situation

00:38:11.970 –> 00:38:24.510
Jason Mefford: If we ask what can I take ownership or accountability or responsibility for in this situation that I’m in. And if you ask yourself that question honestly there will be something that comes up.

00:38:24.990 –> 00:38:34.140
Jason Mefford: Right, because even in little, little conversations or other stuff you know with with significant others or family or friends right

00:38:34.620 –> 00:38:44.940
Jason Mefford: All of a sudden you find yourself in a situation, maybe where somebody’s responding to you in a tone of voice that maybe you’d prefer that they not be talking in right

00:38:45.900 –> 00:38:59.220
Jason Mefford: And, and, you know, our first instinct is to say, oh, you know, Marty. Why are you talking to me that way. But if we actually stop and think about it, it’s like, oh, well, hold it 10 minutes ago I said something that probably pissed Marty off.

00:39:00.330 –> 00:39:09.180
Jason Mefford: It wasn’t intended, maybe it wasn’t my intention to do that. But, hold it. Maybe I helped put her in that place.

00:39:09.270 –> 00:39:09.540
Marty Stanley, CSP: Yeah.

00:39:09.600 –> 00:39:14.040
Jason Mefford: To where now she’s responding to me that way. There’s our mirror again folks right

00:39:14.820 –> 00:39:15.870
Marty Stanley, CSP: I hate that in there.

00:39:17.880 –> 00:39:37.590
Marty Stanley, CSP: Yeah, here’s one. And this is something that a lot of people can relate to. And it’s like, I’m just talking every day kind of crap here. But, you know, like, a lot of times when it comes to family gatherings. Sure you know holidays and and I frequently heard it usually comes from women but

00:39:39.150 –> 00:39:43.350
Marty Stanley, CSP: Men have their own version of some other stuff but but women will say, you know,

00:39:43.980 –> 00:39:58.560
Marty Stanley, CSP: It’s always up to me, you know, like nobody. I never get how I always end up being the water plans, not going to make all the food and I’ve got to do this. And I’ve got to do that. And so when we asked the question of what can they take ownership.

00:40:00.390 –> 00:40:05.580
Marty Stanley, CSP: Accountability for in this situation what usually comes out is that they never asked for help.

00:40:07.710 –> 00:40:20.820
Jason Mefford: Well, and that that actually it’s it’s kind of a silly story, but it was one that really stuck with me. It was some friends that we had many years ago and it was kind of like a couples training. Right. It wasn’t counseling, but it was kind of like you know how to

00:40:21.960 –> 00:40:30.540
Jason Mefford: How to how to work better with your significant other right and i and i remember this story that that because it was it was that kind of situation, the wife was saying.

00:40:31.020 –> 00:40:42.270
Jason Mefford: You know, my husband never helps me load the dishwasher. He never does the dishes, this was this was bothering her. And so she actually express them.

00:40:43.200 –> 00:41:00.750
Jason Mefford: And, and, you know, started to kind of talking about it, and turned to the husband husband said, Well, don’t you remember right after we got married, I was helping you load the dishwasher and you told me I was doing it wrong and you took over and did it the way you wanted to do it.

00:41:02.130 –> 00:41:14.100
Jason Mefford: So for 20 years right he he he was sitting in the place of she has a particular way of loading the dishwasher. It’s what she wants to do.

00:41:14.520 –> 00:41:20.820
Jason Mefford: I’m not gonna, you know, have an argument about, oh, you know, you put the plate in wrong or whatever.

00:41:21.360 –> 00:41:32.310
Jason Mefford: And so he just never did it. And so again, when she kind of stopped and could take, you know, ownership and accountability for it and realize oh geez, you know, something that I did 20 years ago.

00:41:33.060 –> 00:41:38.370
Jason Mefford: Has really kind of led to this situation that I’m in now. You know, my husband’s not over there thinking

00:41:38.670 –> 00:41:48.540
Jason Mefford: You know, she can just do it because she’s a woman. It’s not that it’s I need help, but I’m probably going to do it wrong. So I’m just going to let her do it because I think that’s what she would prefer anyway.

00:41:49.110 –> 00:41:50.070
Marty Stanley, CSP: And maybe just daddy.

00:41:51.600 –> 00:42:01.260
Jason Mefford: Oh, he’s not he what he wasn’t anymore, right, because that’s why when she said he’s kind of like what, and then he’s like, well, this is why I don’t do it right. I mean, he didn’t consciously think about it.

00:42:01.650 –> 00:42:12.000
Jason Mefford: Right. But it’s, you know, again, there’s some of those everyday things that that come up. And again, we all have some part in the situation that we’re in.

00:42:12.720 –> 00:42:18.540
Marty Stanley, CSP: So I’m going to share one thing that when I’m giving presentations or doing coaching around this. I’m

00:42:19.770 –> 00:42:22.590
Marty Stanley, CSP: Like people get really ticked off with me when I say this,

00:42:22.980 –> 00:42:24.750
Marty Stanley, CSP: Is a coach.

00:42:26.520 –> 00:42:29.190
Marty Stanley, CSP: So here’s the deal. Um,

00:42:30.240 –> 00:42:35.100
Marty Stanley, CSP: You don’t have to take ownership and accountability for anything ever again. If you don’t want to

00:42:36.750 –> 00:42:44.670
Marty Stanley, CSP: You really know and I want and I and people like, particularly the bosses, like when I’m going to Tim that session, the boss.

00:42:46.800 –> 00:42:48.600
Marty Stanley, CSP: But, but here’s the deal.

00:42:49.770 –> 00:43:01.500
Marty Stanley, CSP: And you really don’t have to take ownership or accountability. If you don’t want to. And if you choose not to take ownership or accountability, you give up your right to complain.

00:43:03.510 –> 00:43:04.350
Marty Stanley, CSP: Or gossip.

00:43:06.630 –> 00:43:09.330
Marty Stanley, CSP: Again, you know, you have no standing

00:43:10.530 –> 00:43:12.120
Marty Stanley, CSP: Or credibility.

00:43:14.100 –> 00:43:27.240
Marty Stanley, CSP: To blame make excuses add to the drama. If you choose if you choose not to take ownership or accountability for your contribution to the situation. So yeah, it’s just choice.

00:43:28.260 –> 00:43:30.900
Marty Stanley, CSP: You know, and we got to make a lot of drama out of it.

00:43:32.880 –> 00:43:34.560
Jason Mefford: I want to stay away from the trauma. Right.

00:43:34.980 –> 00:43:36.030
Marty Stanley, CSP: Hey. Hey.

00:43:36.090 –> 00:43:41.220
Jason Mefford: Well, Which kind of leads us to there’s one other part of the model that we haven’t given them. Yeah.

00:43:42.210 –> 00:43:45.450
Jason Mefford: And then we need to kind of probably wrap up. Just, just for time but

00:43:46.080 –> 00:43:57.390
Jason Mefford: You know what it takes to go from victim to Victor, right, because again, we’ve talked about, you know, Victor you’re taking ownership accountability, responsibility, if you’re still playing victim. You’re blaming

00:43:57.810 –> 00:44:11.070
Jason Mefford: Making excuses and denial or drama. So what is it that takes that it takes to get over that line, get up to Victor state. If you find yourself, you know, playing a victim.

00:44:11.610 –> 00:44:13.770
Marty Stanley, CSP: Do I tell them what word to put on the line.

00:44:14.190 –> 00:44:17.370
Jason Mefford: The word on the line is courage.

00:44:18.630 –> 00:44:26.520
Jason Mefford: Alright, you get that courage. So what does it take to go from being a victim to Victor. It takes courage.

00:44:27.540 –> 00:44:29.730
Marty Stanley, CSP: Did I ever tell you how that word got there.

00:44:30.480 –> 00:44:32.130
Jason Mefford: No, actually didn’t. This is

00:44:32.190 –> 00:44:33.690
Jason Mefford: This is good. Don’t tell my family.

00:44:34.230 –> 00:44:48.090
Marty Stanley, CSP: So there’s courage is there for a very specific reason. So if you’re looking at your piece of paper. And by the way, Jason’s going to give you a place where you can get a copy of this model that will be in the notes and will tell you later. But

00:44:49.860 –> 00:45:02.400
Marty Stanley, CSP: So above the line, you have a line across the page and then above that you have ownership accountability, responsibility, then there’s a line in the brokerage a little line below that is putting excuses and denial

00:45:03.060 –> 00:45:15.090
Marty Stanley, CSP: Now courage was and I didn’t add that word on there for quite a while and I probably was using the model for a couple of years. But one of the I talked about it, but I never put it on the model.

00:45:15.600 –> 00:45:23.610
Marty Stanley, CSP: When I was doing all my research, way back when, when I was creating my intention of a model that would make a difference for people

00:45:24.810 –> 00:45:41.040
Marty Stanley, CSP: I came across a study that was done at the University of Arizona and it was a 30 years study, be it. It was using applied kinesiology to measure.

00:45:42.240 –> 00:46:01.620
Marty Stanley, CSP: Emotions and the impact of emotions on a person’s body and over the course of 30 years they used like I said applied kinesiology muscle testing and they would test people on various emotions and what I have a book. It’s called Power vs force if anybody’s interested but

00:46:03.480 –> 00:46:22.110
Marty Stanley, CSP: What they found was that negative emotions which will be below the line where there’s blame excuses and denial negative emotions like anger, resentment fear frustration shame can negatively impact your body. If you hold on to those emotions for long periods of time.

00:46:23.880 –> 00:46:39.570
Marty Stanley, CSP: I’m Shane being the worst. Okay. And he go up the ladder. Now, if they looked at the positive emotions that would be like above the line would be things like love, joy, gratitude compassion.

00:46:40.770 –> 00:46:48.270
Marty Stanley, CSP: That when people experience those emotions over consistent periods of time. Their bodies were healthier.

00:46:50.100 –> 00:47:00.180
Marty Stanley, CSP: And what I found really fascinating was the dividing line between the negative impact on your body and the positive impact on your body was the word courage.

00:47:01.080 –> 00:47:01.680
Jason Mefford: Well, interesting.

00:47:02.160 –> 00:47:08.670
Marty Stanley, CSP: In that interesting. So, current, you know, when you think about it, it doesn’t take any courage to blame or make excuses.

00:47:08.970 –> 00:47:09.240
Jason Mefford: No.

00:47:09.930 –> 00:47:22.830
Marty Stanley, CSP: It doesn’t take any courage to be in the middle of the drama or but it does take it does take courage to take ownership for your thoughts and words and actions. It does take courage to be

00:47:24.870 –> 00:47:27.120
Marty Stanley, CSP: Accountable for your choices.

00:47:29.220 –> 00:47:32.370
Marty Stanley, CSP: And so that’s how the word courage ended up there.

00:47:32.670 –> 00:47:36.420
Jason Mefford: One, I think it’s interesting too because you know there’s there’s been a lot more

00:47:37.200 –> 00:47:48.300
Jason Mefford: In the last 20 years you know especially 1010 years about these topics. Because like you said when you started talking about this back in the, you know, late 80s, early 90s. Nobody was talking about this stuff.

00:47:48.600 –> 00:47:48.840
Marty Stanley, CSP: Right.

00:47:49.290 –> 00:48:01.290
Jason Mefford: But it’s it’s become much more mainstream now and courage is. It’s interesting that it was in that middle divider line because courage is the point to when you start to take action.

00:48:01.950 –> 00:48:06.900
Jason Mefford: Yes, right. It takes courage or requires courage to take action.

00:48:07.410 –> 00:48:21.600
Jason Mefford: And you really have to take action or have the courage to make the different choice to take the different action to think the different thought if you want to move up that scale. Yeah, as well. Right.

00:48:21.930 –> 00:48:33.300
Jason Mefford: So again, for people that are familiar, like with the emotional upward downward spiral this all lines in well with this get out of bed that we’re talking about to when you think about negative emotions versus positive emotions.

00:48:34.110 –> 00:48:53.880
Marty Stanley, CSP: You know, it comes down to it. I mean, it really is just choice. Now obviously people who deal with, you know, clinical depression or, you know, things like that. That’s I’m not qualified to address that I’m but what I am saying is, people who have the capacity to choose.

00:48:55.350 –> 00:49:08.430
Marty Stanley, CSP: To really choose their thoughts and emotions. You get to choose what emotion. You get to choose what you think about how you think about it, and how long you think about it, and if you choose to stay in this do

00:49:10.710 –> 00:49:11.580
Marty Stanley, CSP: In that luck.

00:49:12.660 –> 00:49:14.430
Marty Stanley, CSP: It’s gonna weigh you down.

00:49:16.200 –> 00:49:32.820
Marty Stanley, CSP: So it’s about choosing making a choice and some according to the quantum physics and neuroscience. They say if you hold that thought for like 17 1617 seconds or more. Whatever reason that vibrational frequency will come back to you.

00:49:33.840 –> 00:49:39.900
Marty Stanley, CSP: So um yeah how long, how long do you want to be in the muck and do you really want to be happy.

00:49:41.520 –> 00:49:45.870
Jason Mefford: But I think there’s a there’s another practical tip, you know, again, like I said, we

00:49:46.020 –> 00:49:57.570
Jason Mefford: You know, for those of you that have been taking notes. You’ve kind of got a page of notes in front of you. But like we said, well, in the show notes will will get away for you to be able to get a picture of this you know your own copy of that but

00:49:58.830 –> 00:50:09.900
Jason Mefford: You know this this last tip that you brought up to is great because again, some sometimes when we’re in these negative feelings we think we feel like we’re never going to get out.

00:50:10.830 –> 00:50:20.940
Jason Mefford: But the reality is in the research shows like you said at 16 to 17 seconds of holding a particular thoughts starts to actually change the way you feel.

00:50:21.540 –> 00:50:36.210
Jason Mefford: So, so if you’re feeling bad. It’s not like you have to just do all these different things. It’s like 20 seconds, folks. Can you do it for 20 seconds. Because if you can do it for 20 seconds, it’s, it’s going to help you get past it.

00:50:36.720 –> 00:50:39.900
Jason Mefford: So this goes back to the way the brain works. So

00:50:40.290 –> 00:50:54.420
Marty Stanley, CSP: I’ll tell people when people go, how do I stop and I’ll say like take a mental trip 20 seconds to the beach or to the mountains or think about holding your kids or your grandkids, you know, and the joy that that brings you just

00:50:55.410 –> 00:51:03.930
Marty Stanley, CSP: Just choose that for you know 20 seconds and they’ll shift everything. Um, can I tell one quick story before we wrap up.

00:51:04.950 –> 00:51:23.070
Marty Stanley, CSP: Okay, so we talked about the power of this model and the difference. It can make for people. And I got to see it firsthand. It was really interesting because the first time I I was speaking of a company. I think it was probably around 2003 or 2004

00:51:24.300 –> 00:51:28.470
Marty Stanley, CSP: And I shared, you know, the get out of bed model with them and

00:51:29.880 –> 00:51:36.330
Marty Stanley, CSP: They invited me back about five years later and I changed the way the model looked the visual of it was a little bit different.

00:51:37.470 –> 00:51:53.700
Marty Stanley, CSP: But there was a woman sitting in the front row. And she looked at me and she actually she came up to me at the edge because I’m sure you don’t remember me from five years ago, but she said when you work here five years ago, I was a single mom.

00:51:54.930 –> 00:51:59.880
Marty Stanley, CSP: new single. She recently been divorced. She said, I had two kids who were preteens

00:52:01.680 –> 00:52:11.220
Marty Stanley, CSP: And she said, I was scared to death about how am I going to release these kids on my own. And she said, I took

00:52:12.330 –> 00:52:20.940
Marty Stanley, CSP: A while. And she said, I put it on the refrigerator and she said I had it in various places around the house. But she said I raised my kids.

00:52:21.450 –> 00:52:30.120
Marty Stanley, CSP: I’m taking ownership and accountability and responsibility for the choices. And she said, and they held me accountable for my choices.

00:52:30.510 –> 00:52:40.710
Marty Stanley, CSP: And she said, I want you to know and I get teary thinking about things because she said, I want you to know they’re in college now and they’re really great kids.

00:52:41.820 –> 00:52:51.810
Marty Stanley, CSP: And I’m like, Holy smokes. I mean, she said, I never could have raised these kids without this mom because it took all the drama away from things

00:52:53.670 –> 00:52:59.520
Marty Stanley, CSP: And she really, I thought, how cool is that, you know, isn’t that a great story.

00:53:00.030 –> 00:53:05.130
Jason Mefford: Well, it’s a great story in it and it shows again the power of a simple model.

00:53:05.460 –> 00:53:05.760
Marty Stanley, CSP: Right.

00:53:05.790 –> 00:53:10.950
Jason Mefford: But when you actually just remember it and and take the action have the courage.

00:53:11.310 –> 00:53:12.600
Jason Mefford: To think a different thought

00:53:12.990 –> 00:53:26.790
Jason Mefford: Take a different action, make a different choice, even if it’s only for 20 seconds, you can do it for 20 seconds. And if you do it for 20 seconds over and over again, it’s, it’s like you’re mentally working out just like you’re pumping iron in the

00:53:26.790 –> 00:53:27.300
Jason Mefford: Gym.

00:53:27.720 –> 00:53:30.420
Jason Mefford: And the more you do it, the easier it gets.

00:53:30.960 –> 00:53:36.900
Marty Stanley, CSP: Hopefully, you know, there’s one other story that I’m I mean I’ve got after 20 years I get to

00:53:36.900 –> 00:53:37.800
Marty Stanley, CSP: Hear a lot of great

00:53:38.310 –> 00:53:49.440
Marty Stanley, CSP: stories to share with me and some of them. It’s like I can’t believe they didn’t even tell me this, but I mean like woman who changed everything and got married and created this but anyway.

00:53:49.950 –> 00:54:07.230
Marty Stanley, CSP: One that really touched my heart and I cry, thinking about it, too, was I was working with the US Tennis Association, and I was doing a workshop for their volunteer leaders. Okay.

00:54:08.460 –> 00:54:20.250
Marty Stanley, CSP: So they’re here for this conference for volunteer leaders for telling us you know it was like 11 state region. Anyway, this one I did the get out of bed presentation and this woman came up to me and she saw me.

00:54:22.230 –> 00:54:29.670
Marty Stanley, CSP: And they said, what’s what’s going on. And she said, you know, she said. My mom has Alzheimer’s and she said,

00:54:30.960 –> 00:54:43.050
Marty Stanley, CSP: I have like five brothers and sisters, but nobody stepped up to the plate to take care of my mom, she said, I had a really great job and was really, you know, pretty independent

00:54:44.310 –> 00:54:56.310
Marty Stanley, CSP: And I was the only one that stepped up and said, I’ll take care of mom and she said, I’ve been angry and resentful about my brothers and sisters not stepping up and having me to change my whole my whole life.

00:54:57.690 –> 00:55:02.370
Marty Stanley, CSP: And she looked at me. She said, But hearing this, she said, I realized on the right one.

00:55:04.470 –> 00:55:12.510
Marty Stanley, CSP: I’m the one. And she said, I have. She said, I have so much more freedom. Now that this is my choice.

00:55:13.290 –> 00:55:22.380
Marty Stanley, CSP: And I thought, Oh my God, the difference that it’s going to make for the care that she gives her more love in a relationship with her siblings.

00:55:23.220 –> 00:55:32.640
Marty Stanley, CSP: Just in that one moment, realizing that that was a choice that she made because she wanted to. It’s going to change everything. Like isn’t that gorgeous.

00:55:33.120 –> 00:55:36.750
Jason Mefford: Well, it is because it’s it’s again it’s that that perspective shift.

00:55:37.170 –> 00:55:40.410
Jason Mefford: Yes, as I think we mentioned earlier on, and to realize that

00:55:40.830 –> 00:55:44.880
Jason Mefford: You know, we’re exactly where we are because of the choices that we’ve made.

00:55:45.240 –> 00:55:50.790
Jason Mefford: Yeah, and and so again we can be grateful for that or again if maybe it’s not where we want to be.

00:55:51.270 –> 00:55:58.770
Jason Mefford: Then it’s time to start making some different choices and have the courage to do that. But like you said, it’s a beautiful story because again.

00:55:59.190 –> 00:56:12.600
Jason Mefford: It’s what she wanted to do. It’s what she needed to do. It’s what her mother needed and her accepting that that is her conscious choice that she’s making again sets her free

00:56:13.020 –> 00:56:14.880
Jason Mefford: So all those negative feelings.

00:56:15.840 –> 00:56:24.150
Marty Stanley, CSP: Like, yeah, I mean, so I hope the people who are listening to this, I’m really get some power.

00:56:25.980 –> 00:56:32.550
Marty Stanley, CSP: You have more power when you take ownership and accountability. So all these people who want control.

00:56:33.990 –> 00:56:37.080
Marty Stanley, CSP: And control and power. I say, just take accountability.

00:56:38.430 –> 00:56:39.780
Jason Mefford: That’s where the power comes from

00:56:40.800 –> 00:56:46.320
Marty Stanley, CSP: You know, like we. It’s kind of like an oxymoron in our brains. We don’t think that

00:56:46.500 –> 00:57:08.790
Marty Stanley, CSP: We’re going to get power through accountability. We think it’s through control and domination, but it’s not. It’s the power comes from true accountability without judgment and making clear choices. So I think it’s really exciting. I think it’s liberating. I wish I remembered it more often.

00:57:09.960 –> 00:57:15.270
Jason Mefford: Well, that’s why I’m talking about it. That’s why I’m recording it so people can can hear this over and over again.

00:57:16.590 –> 00:57:20.820
Jason Mefford: Because again, like I said at the top. So everybody who’s still listening now it’s

00:57:21.510 –> 00:57:32.910
Jason Mefford: I told you this is probably one of you know this model will serve you better than a lot of other things that are out there. Don’t worry about the flavor of the month, focus on

00:57:33.330 –> 00:57:45.300
Jason Mefford: fundamentals that are sound and this is easy. Right. So again, if you ever feel like you’re lying in bed and you want to pull the covers up over your head and that rhymes. By the way to write

00:57:46.950 –> 00:57:56.460
Jason Mefford: Throw the covers off hopping your canoe and start using your or to paddle away courageously and make some different choices right

00:57:56.970 –> 00:58:04.470
Jason Mefford: And again, if you remember that little visual it’s going to remind you get out of bed, get a blame excuse denial and drama.

00:58:04.920 –> 00:58:19.350
Jason Mefford: And instead take ownership accountability and responsibility for your life. And you’re going to get to where you want to go. You just got to paddle, the canoe folks use your or paddle, the canoe and it’ll take you where you want to go.

00:58:21.060 –> 00:58:22.410
Jason Mefford: Marty. Marty. Marty.

00:58:23.460 –> 00:58:26.100
Jason Mefford: Thank you so much fun.

00:58:28.110 –> 00:58:29.580
Marty Stanley, CSP: With you and to hear

00:58:29.880 –> 00:58:32.340
Marty Stanley, CSP: To hear your perspectives and

00:58:33.900 –> 00:58:41.730
Marty Stanley, CSP: You’ve added so much to to the concepts that really help it come alive even more so. Thank you.

00:58:42.120 –> 00:58:46.020
Jason Mefford: Well, I hope so on. You’re very welcome. And thank you for sharing it with me so

00:58:47.040 –> 00:58:55.860
Jason Mefford: I know some of the people probably want to want to try to get that. So how, how is the best way for people to contact you will make sure and leave it in the show notes but how’s the best way for people to contact you.

00:58:56.400 –> 00:59:04.800
Marty Stanley, CSP: So there can be three ways. Um, one is if you want to text me you can text me at

00:59:06.900 –> 00:59:15.150
Marty Stanley, CSP: Area Code 858-432-6764

00:59:17.280 –> 00:59:28.620
Marty Stanley, CSP: That’s one way you can send me an email and it’s Marty Stanley and a RT why STA n Le vie.

00:59:30.000 –> 00:59:33.090
Marty Stanley, CSP: At altering

00:59:34.380 –> 00:59:38.250
Marty Stanley, CSP: TR i n g et C and D and

00:59:39.270 –> 00:59:47.250
Marty Stanley, CSP: And you can go to my website, which is altering outcomes calm and I think you’re going to put in the notes, my LinkedIn profile.

00:59:47.430 –> 00:59:57.570
Jason Mefford: Will put your LinkedIn profile that in there as well so people want to connect with you on LinkedIn. That’s another way. But yeah, if you’re interested. I mean, she has a great graphic that I’ve got in front of me that I’ve actually

00:59:58.350 –> 01:00:01.230
Jason Mefford: Been carrying around. It’s in my little special binder.

01:00:02.460 –> 01:00:10.230
Jason Mefford: It is I’m serious. That’s why it’s like in the in the little plastic cover and everything of things that I refer back to, I’m a big nerd, guys. Okay.

01:00:11.850 –> 01:00:19.200
Jason Mefford: But you know again. So if you’re interested in getting that reach out to Marty, she’s happy to share because again you know when she

01:00:19.620 –> 01:00:30.180
Jason Mefford: When she started thinking about this, folks 2025 years ago, if you remember she wanted to have a makeup process that actually makes a difference in people’s lives right

01:00:30.630 –> 01:00:30.960
Marty Stanley, CSP: And you

01:00:31.440 –> 01:00:32.370
Jason Mefford: Look down at Marty.

01:00:33.330 –> 01:00:35.580
Marty Stanley, CSP: There was one other piece of that that I didn’t say

01:00:36.000 –> 01:00:36.270
Jason Mefford: Yeah.

01:00:36.690 –> 01:00:44.490
Marty Stanley, CSP: When I created that intention. I want to create a process that makes a difference for people. I said, I want to impact millions of people. Hmm.

01:00:45.720 –> 01:00:48.630
Jason Mefford: Well, I’m gonna keep I’m gonna keep preaching this to try to help

01:00:49.170 –> 01:00:55.920
Jason Mefford: Have millions of people impacted by it because i think it’s it’s fabulous. And it’s a really simple way for people to get started.

01:00:56.400 –> 01:01:04.170
Jason Mefford: You can you can jump into and read all the other stuff that you and I have done, but this is a simple way to start folks and again

01:01:04.710 –> 01:01:17.130
Jason Mefford: 20 seconds, you can do 20 seconds, you know, and it’ll start getting you out of bed and getting you to exactly where you want to and be victorious in your life.

01:01:18.630 –> 01:01:19.920
Jason Mefford: Marty. Thank you again.

01:01:21.330 –> 01:01:22.620
Marty Stanley, CSP: It’s just been a blast.

01:01:23.340 –> 01:01:23.760
Jason Mefford: And

01:01:24.270 –> 01:01:31.500
Jason Mefford: I appreciate you being here and for everybody that’s listening. We’ll catch you on the next episode of jammin with Jason. See you later.

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