“There is no reality, there is only perception” – Ancient Philosopher… Or Dr. Phil. Regardless of who actually coined the phrase, we will be discussing perception in today’s podcast!

Everyone has a different perception on life, and with just a bit of curiosity we can bridge gaps and grow as individuals.

In today’s episode we meet with Christine Forner who is a clinical social worker in Calgary who works with patients who have experienced traumatic events.
We learn about what dissociation is, and how individuals who suffer from dissociation have a hard time with mindfulness and discover different ways that they can go about mental self care.

Learn more about Christine at: https://www.associatedcounselling.ca/ and get her book “Dissociation, Mindfulness, and Creative Meditations” on Amazon.

Listen in at: http://www.jasonmefford.com/fireandearthpodcast/

In today’s episode we speak with Mayumi Young about how we find happiness and meaning in life.
Through asking the right questions and finding our own “bread crumbs” we will be able to facilitate wonderful and powerful changes in our lives to reach our ultimate potential.

You can learn more about Mayumi and reach her at: https://mayumiyoung.com or https://inspireinnovation.co/about/

Listen in at: http://www.jasonmefford.com/fireandearthpodcast/

Transcript

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kathygruver: Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of the fire and earth podcast, I’m your co host Kathy Gruber.

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Jason Mefford: And I’m Jason Medford, and today we have a fellow CPA. We were talking beforehand. I know we’re going to nerd out. No, we’re not going to talk about accounting. Don’t worry, folks talk about that.

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kathygruver: Everyone went

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Jason Mefford: I got on the wrong podcast. No, but

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Jason Mefford: may owe me young is with us today. So, Mami. Welcome.

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Jason Mefford: Why don’t you just, you know, give a short, you know, little background about yourself so people know who you are and then we’re just going to jump in and get get going, because today’s discussion is going to be amazing. That’s crazy. That’s Kathy’s a phrase that I’m stealing from her, but

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Actually

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Jason Mefford: Amazing.

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Mayumi Young: Well, thank you for having me. I’m very excited to have a conversation with a little bit about me.

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Mayumi Young: I will start by saying I though I am a CPA. Yes, please don’t hold that against me. I’m really here because I create the space where conscious innovation happens. And that’s something that

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Mayumi Young: You know, may not

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Mayumi Young: Be logical or reasonable, but if I share a little bit about my story. I think it’ll make a lot more sense about why I care so much about

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Mayumi Young: Raising consciousness on the planet and why care about innovation and creativity and, you know, rather than be the one who goes out and solves all the world’s problems.

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Mayumi Young: It’s really about creating a space where we can harness the collective consciousness, the collective genius that’s out there and empower and support and inspire everyone

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Mayumi Young: I have devoted the last 20 years of my life as a social entrepreneur I’ve started three social ventures in the last 20 years and I’ve been a CPA and Professional Accountant for over 25 years and I started all of that when I was three course.

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Mayumi Young: And you know, I really just care about

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Mayumi Young: Inspiring and empowering individuals to design and live a life that really matters. I really do believe that tomorrow isn’t promised and we’re here to express will really first to discover and then express our unique gifts and talents and serve

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Mayumi Young: Whoever we choose to serve with those talents and so whatever we can do in our life to

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Mayumi Young: To live that life. That’s what I’m here to do and to accomplish so excited to be here, excited to talk with all of you.

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kathygruver: Yay.

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kathygruver: Oh, that’s okay. So the first thing I have to ask. Yes. So you say CPA everybody goes, Yeah, okay. I know what that is. You talk about gifts and conscious that people go, Yeah, okay. I know what that is, collective consciousness for people who are not familiar with that term.

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kathygruver: What would you, how would you explain that.

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Mayumi Young: Good question. So, you know,

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Mayumi Young: I am from California. So I could go a little whoo, whoo here on everybody. But let me try to stay like I’m very practical and very spiritual at the same time. And so, you know, for me, I do believe that

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Mayumi Young: There is this shared energy. And there’s different levels of consciousness or vibration. You could even say in the world that exists and

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Mayumi Young: We are all connected to that universal or oneness and so we all have, in a way, we’re in somewhat tethered to this.

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Mayumi Young: unlimited amount of information of knowledge of all the world’s problems are are solved in this collective consciousness and I don’t know if anyone’s ever had the personal experience. I know I have

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Mayumi Young: Where you feel like you’ve just been downloaded with information and knowledge that you literally are like I that couldn’t have come from me, and I almost always know that I got a download is when I’m like that can’t be true.

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Mayumi Young: If they start to argue with it or or question it and and it’s it’s usually, you know, all at once and it comes in streams and everybody is different, everyone.

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Mayumi Young: Connects to this universal knowledge universal understanding differently. Some of us are very intuitive and we can feel things in our body. Some of us.

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Mayumi Young: Get downloads and we get this sort of knowing other people just have visions, you know, so each of us are unique in our own ability to connect with this collective consciousness.

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Mayumi Young: And it’s about really developing a muscle in a in a in it’s like learning another language. If we were going to learn Japanese we would, you know,

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Mayumi Young: Get trained and developed and learn how to communicate with these higher bodies of knowledge. I mean, there’s so much about the world in the universe that just simply can’t understand and it’s just fun to tap into all dimensions and domains that are available to us.

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Jason Mefford: Well, a couple of other words that you use to because you said you creating this space.

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Jason Mefford: Right. And I, and I know you know one of the first times I was kind of introduced to this and somebody kind of said that or another term. Sometimes people will use is

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Jason Mefford: You know I’m creating a container right so creating space or creating a container. I know when I first heard that I was like what the hell was I was right.

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Jason Mefford: So maybe kind of explain that, too, because that kind of ties in with this collective consciousness and how how that all kind of comes together, how you kind of help people do that. Absolutely.

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Mayumi Young: Um, I feel like I’m a walking contradiction. Most of the time right in that sort of the yin and the yang all the time, the masculine and the feminine and it’s this

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Mayumi Young: Interesting harmonic dance and balance between the two energies. I’m spiritual material and accountant and yet a profoundly like

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Mayumi Young: About you know the material world. And so, um, so when we talk about creating space. I would say that in the domain of war.

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Mayumi Young: The easiest ways to think about it like the feminine energy anytime you want. It’s like a womb. Great. So a baby.

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Mayumi Young: A baby can is is created inside of a womb in a womb is nothing more than a space.

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Mayumi Young: And in that space new creations are born. So if you just think of the you know how we’re born as human beings just that whole process itself.

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Mayumi Young: You know I’m always saying when I’m creating something new. And, you know, creating a new venture or new business or product or service.

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Mayumi Young: That I’m, I’m, I’m in the process of giving birth to something new. So when you hold something that’s important to you or something, you know, and an outcome that you’re really looking to achieve in your life.

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Mayumi Young: Think about it like you’re pregnant with this new idea. And we give that new idea, time to go through its own evolution evolutionary process. And what’s really beautiful is like a human body doesn’t have to do anything to make a baby. Well, give it some

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Mayumi Young: Basic, you know, with um but so intelligent

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Mayumi Young: That a baby is actually created and mostly what we need to do is give it the space and and so I think the closest analogy is to think about

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Mayumi Young: The actual creation of the human being in the womb and and anytime you want to give life and give birth to something new.

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Mayumi Young: Let it go through that process where you’re pregnant with it and then you know sometimes labor is hard and sometimes labor is easy, but it’s almost always extraordinary when you actually launch a new idea or product or a new whatever

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Mayumi Young: There’s a birthing process. And then there’s a whole new world that follows that. So I think that’s the best way to think of creating space.

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Mayumi Young: And I’m just somebody who creates these wounds. These

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Mayumi Young: Opportunities and openings for people who really struggle. I think a lot of people struggle with the

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Mayumi Young: You know, getting the thought from their brain into real material practical, tangible world where they can touch it and feel it and measuring and that’s the dance. It’s like a lot of people walk around with ideas, but how do you make it real. Yeah.

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kathygruver: Well, I’m Jason I talk all the time about, you know, what do you want and if you don’t know what you really want, then you can’t create that space. It’s like if you’ve got an empty store room.

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kathygruver: If you want to be a massage therapist. It’s going to look really different than if you want to be a hair salon. You have to get the right tools for that thing, but you have to identify what you want. First, and sometimes

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kathygruver: I agree with you completely me about the download thing. It’s just my brain or Simon so much the brain right it’s just sort of being I feel like they cracked that code like in that spy movie and the computer goes blue like suddenly all the information comes down.

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kathygruver: And sometimes that can help inform what you want because you don’t even know you want that thing until it suddenly appears and you and you go, that’s what I’ve been looking for, you know, so it’s this interesting. You can get at it from different directions.

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kathygruver: So really,

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Mayumi Young: Knowing what you want. Sounds like the simplest thing on the planet. And it’s actually one of the hardest things

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Mayumi Young: To discover mostly in the process of discovering what I wanted, or helping others it’s literally figuring out what I don’t want first I can give you all that I don’t want this, and I don’t want

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Mayumi Young: It to like unpeeled the layers to get to what I really want

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Mayumi Young: And I couldn’t agree with you more being clear on what you want. It’s, it’s like it’s like sending your order to this universal, you know, collective conscious and say, Here’s what I would like you to send back to me.

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Mayumi Young: You know, and another way to think of it, because I think analogies really help some, you know, people who are like exactly how does this work, you know, it’s like great jargon. But what does it look like and

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Mayumi Young: You know, it’s like tuning into a radio station and when you turn just in if you’re in between sessions and here static or you’re in between two different songs

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Mayumi Young: But when you tune right in in each station has got different music. So we’re all you know on different frequencies. We’re all trying, you know, tuned into different stations and so when you tune right in. You can hear it clearly it’s so clear.

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Mayumi Young: And it’s just about constantly for us just tuning tuning tuning until we can hear the message clearly that’s for us that’s unique for us.

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Mayumi Young: And then you’ll find that once you. It’s like the red car, things like once you buy a red car all the sudden all the cars are red.

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Mayumi Young: So then you’ll discover all the other people your start to attract into your life all the other people who are tuned in same radio station is you. Yeah.

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Mayumi Young: And so yeah, the, the, the opportunity and I call it an opportunity to actually design.

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Mayumi Young: And create your life is a huge piece of that is really understanding your own core values your purpose, your what you care about what your passions are and really and truly at the end of the day what you want.

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Mayumi Young: And the ability to discover that to me is is really a function of the quality of your questions. So, the better your questions, the better your answers.

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kathygruver: So, given some example what those questions are what should we be asking ourselves.

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Mayumi Young: Um,

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Mayumi Young: Depends on how close you are to knowing what you want. So some people are just like, I have no clue. And I’ll tell you. So I’ll give you a little backstory for me, like, so I

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Mayumi Young: I wasn’t supposed to be like this.

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Mayumi Young: Like, um, you know, I was born in a single family house single, single mother with a single mom, who was born in Japan raised in

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Mayumi Young: On a farm. She had to quit school in the eighth grade because her father passed away and she was the eldest girl of five children.

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Mayumi Young: And when she came to the state she barely knew the language, she you know worked for minimum wage a rope factory and raised me like

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Mayumi Young: I want to put a superwoman cape on her because I don’t know how she did it. But in the framework of the culture that she was raised in in all that she could sacrifice.

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Mayumi Young: The upbringing was, you know, as most of us go get it get an education. She couldn’t eighth grade education. I mean for me to graduate from college was I mean that was success. That’s that was life lived. So going through the motions of life.

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Mayumi Young: Is what most of us are taught and trained to do and when I reached a certain point, so I did the college thing. I went and worked in corporate

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Mayumi Young: Actually public accounting. So I was I was with Price Waterhouse for a while and then I went into private industry I reached a point in my life where

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Mayumi Young: I

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Mayumi Young: I realized that I had no idea why existed.

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Mayumi Young: I mean I had gone so long, where I call it the sort of default life I gone so long living the plan that was laid out for me never once, considering that I had a say.

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Mayumi Young: Truly a say in what it is I wanted my life to be for that. I just came to a point one day where I

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Mayumi Young: I just, it actually happened in an interaction and you never know when life disorder.

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Mayumi Young: wakes you up and you have that sort of awakening and so many people can talk about with can remember the moment when they just sort of woke up and

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Mayumi Young: And so I was actually in an airport, I was traveling a lot do a lot of international finance and accounting and I was in an airport and

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Mayumi Young: Late 20s and I met a woman and her daughter who was like 10 and she asked me that, you know, what do you do for living. And I gave the, you know, patent. You know, it’s an amazing life answer.

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Mayumi Young: And meanwhile, I was pretty empty inside I would even say I was dead inside. And I gave my answer. And I looked at this 10 year old and she looked

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Mayumi Young: Children are so innocent and pure, I swear. She looked into my soul, just like I and I just, it felt like she understood that I was lying.

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Mayumi Young: And I wanted in that moment to take every word that I said back and say scrap everything I said go figure out what makes you happy go live that life and i didn’t i in that moment I realized I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with my life. None.

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Mayumi Young: But I know one thing and that’s i, this isn’t it.

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Mayumi Young: This isn’t it and just with that tiny

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Mayumi Young: Infinitesimal P of an understanding and awareness. I started from there and started over. And from that moment. Everything about my life was created. So the questions that we can ask ourself can literally start with just

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Mayumi Young: Why am I here. What makes me what gives me joy, um, you know, actually give ourselves. We’re so busy adulterating out here. It’s kind of bananas, but we have to give ourselves permission to have fun and pleasure. Enjoy. And I’m especially, you know, I mean, a very, you know, serious industry numbers.

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Mayumi Young: You know, no make any mistakes. Um, you know and and

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Mayumi Young: We’ve sort of lost our way in a way that joyful youthful innocence and exuberance and play.

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Mayumi Young: And I really feel like one way that we can start to identify and remember because a lot of us have

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Mayumi Young: Denied ourselves permission to want and feel joy and feel pleasure for so long and that we don’t know what that looks like. I swear to you and I’ve been doing this for a long time.

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Mayumi Young: You know, I literally googled that was I got into a right and I wasn’t like being really super

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Mayumi Young: Playful in my life, which happens like even with all this awareness, you can go unconscious and what look up in the year and go, Wait, what am I doing what’s happening here.

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Mayumi Young: And I, and I and I literally was like a year ago or not that long ago I Googled what adults do for fun, because I could

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Mayumi Young: And what I would like.

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Mayumi Young: Absolutely.

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Mayumi Young: I will tell you if there were ideas. Try it. Google it. I mean, literally, I’m like, I need some clue here.

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Mayumi Young: Um, and I happened upon something that reminded me that I really actually love movement and exercise and I’m like addicted to things like eco challenge on Amazon and

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Mayumi Young: You know, all these fun things where it’s play and exercise and health and fitness and all that combined. Anyways, I digress. The bottom line is, it really

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Mayumi Young: The, the place to ask questions is, whatever is there that I think lead you to more joy start their business feel good.

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Mayumi Young: Does this feel bad, even just a simple asking, moment to moment. Do I like that. Does that make me feel good or. Does that not make me feel good, which direction am I moving and as you kind of move

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Mayumi Young: More in the direction of what feels good, then it’ll get easier to ask more clarifying questions more specific questions.

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Mayumi Young: I think staying general in the beginning is a little easier than trying to get super specific especially if you really are kind of where I was just starting with, like, I don’t know what my life is for

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Mayumi Young: I don’t know why I’m here. I don’t know what makes me happy. And when you’re that far away from your own truth in your own fulfillment then start general and then start to narrow your questions.

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Mayumi Young: As you go along and

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Mayumi Young: You know I asked all the questions the why, the what the who, what, when, where, and the house so you know why questions are really great. Why am I here.

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Mayumi Young: What is my purpose. What makes me happy. What am I passions, who do I know that I can talk to who do I admire, who do I respect, um, you know, where can I go to get more information. Where can I go to get support, you know, when do I want to make a change in my life. When you know

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Mayumi Young: You know how much of this, am I going to tolerate you know either. So many like you can ask all of those questions.

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kathygruver: I’m going to be the contrary voice because I love playing this part, please. But it’s so much easier.

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kathygruver: To just get up and go to work and come home and watch the news and drink something and watch Netflix and go to bed and not think about purpose. It’s so much easier to just be in my humdrum

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kathygruver: Normal like not reach her too much, because then if I don’t reach her too much. I can’t be disappointed because then I’m gonna have to work harder if I want to be this like important life changing person, so I’m just gonna stay here watch Netflix.

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Mayumi Young: Well,

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They’d have asked

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Mayumi Young: So I think it’s an illusion. And it’s a story we tell ourselves that it’s easier because it’s really hard to deny ourselves, our natural

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Mayumi Young: Our True natural being this is it. We have to, like, it’s like trying to push a ball under water and we’re constantly holding that ball into water.

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Mayumi Young: It wants to pop up. And so we have to exert a lot of energy and forced to actually deny ourselves, our true glorious extraordinary life and we become numb to it and how we continue to numb ourselves to that is through TV media it’s, you know, through

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Mayumi Young: Alcohol through drugs through you know work. I mean, that was my drug of choice.

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Mayumi Young: Yeah, I had retail therapy and then I had work and I would just bury myself in one of the two. And, you know, that was way I could kind of put my head in the sand. But the reality is you still suffer inside

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Mayumi Young: If you really got quiet and alone enough and a lot of folks that are

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Mayumi Young: Have been isolated with the global pandemic have had this reconciliation with themselves of having to be quiet and still long enough.

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Mayumi Young: To hear all that stuff that’s been pushed under the surface so many of us have been resigned and cynical and we just have gone numb.

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Mayumi Young: And in this a lot of I Know there. I don’t want to diminish that that negative impact for so many people and what it’s done.

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Mayumi Young: From health and life and financial impact and everything else. So that in mind, I want to add that this

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Mayumi Young: Whole global experience is a blessing in disguise. For those who look to see that this is really a blessing. It’s an opportunity for us to to

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Mayumi Young: remove ourselves from the numbness to start to feel that discomfort and it’s in that discomfort that we experienced growth. It’s when we’re not sitting

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Mayumi Young: And numbing ourselves that we can actually discover ourselves and you know I most of us have to get the cosmic two by four or the cosmic mack truck to really appreciate life.

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Mayumi Young: I got it early. I was 19 when my mother’s father, my, my mother’s partner of 11 years passed away. Suddenly within a couple of months of being diagnosed of stage four cancer and at that time at

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Mayumi Young: My understanding was that everyone who had cancer survived. I, that was my experience at that time. So being faced with the impermanence of life. So early on.

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Mayumi Young: Was another one of my life lessons and blessings, which I carry with me every day.

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Mayumi Young: And the opportunity to understand that tomorrow isn’t promised and to get that message and to be reminded of that without having to have a life event knock us out.

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Mayumi Young: Whether it’s a health event or financial or relationship divorce and all these life like massive life altering events are generally where we wake up from the numbness and if we can find and get

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Mayumi Young: Proactive in our own evolution process, then we can be more gentle and more. We have a little bit more say over it. I always know when I’m not getting the message when it’s time to like

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Mayumi Young: Evolve and I’m getting a little bit too comfortable if I start to get the taps. Hey, get moving. Get moving and like, but I’m so comfortable. I work so hard to get here. Can I just say down here. Do I really have to go work on myself so far. Well, Coach.

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Mayumi Young: Like maybe

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Jason Mefford: Endless it’s endless when

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Mayumi Young: I get the cosmic two by four and yeah

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Jason Mefford: I was gonna say you keep getting the taps until the two before it comes out right and you

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Mayumi Young: Don’t listen, then you get a Mack truck. Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, and it’s you know what what you’re describing, you know, again, I mean we’ve had similar professional backgrounds and you see people some so much of the time that you know they they do what’s expected of them.

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Jason Mefford: Right. And, and so they get told these stories that this is what your life has to be and it doesn’t matter about profession, you can still have fun and be living your purpose and be a CPA.

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Jason Mefford: Okay, but it’s but it’s so many of us go through life for so long, like you said, getting the taps and then eventually we get the two before we get the mack truck.

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Jason Mefford: And that’s why that term midlife crisis is there, right, for most people.

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Jason Mefford: We go through our lives we get married. We have some kids. We have a career, all of a sudden we lift up our head at 45 or 50 and go, What the fuck just happened right

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Jason Mefford: And we kind of get that that to before. At that point, you know, you were so lucky that you know your late 20s.

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Jason Mefford: To have some of that and and to have you start thinking about these things and moving your life and dancing through life differently because that analogy that you had of the of the ball trying to push it under the water.

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kathygruver: It’s a great right

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Jason Mefford: It’s, it’s, it’s hard to do that. But what most people are doing. They’re trying to push that ball down for 2030 years

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Jason Mefford: And then when they’re overweight when they’re addicted. When you know whatever it is you go through all these different things it could end up being your to before they’re like why did this just happen.

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Jason Mefford: Well, because you’ve spent the last 20 years trying to push yourself down and be someone who you are not

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Jason Mefford: Right, that’s cognitive dissonance from psychology that that’s grooves people up. That’s why there’s so many people in depression.

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Jason Mefford: And anxiety in with all of these things that are going on. And the sooner that we can start asking ourselves these questions like, you’re talking about, then we can let the real us out right and quit pushing the ball down

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kathygruver: Exactly. So we’re running out of time. Again, because this is what we do.

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kathygruver: Universe is timeless. We have a time a final thoughts. Anything you want to add any practical tip that you can give us just in the last couple minutes to help people get on this road.

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Mayumi Young: Yeah, I would say, you know, whatever resource calls to you. I mean, look for the clues. You’ll be walking around somebody like yo,

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Mayumi Young: I think you should read this book and then you don’t get the book and three weeks later, somebody else recommends the same book that’s a sign.

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Mayumi Young: You know, follow the signs start to pay more attention to things that look like coincidence but maybe aren’t and they’re like little breadcrumb clues. I would find

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Mayumi Young: Answers everywhere. They’re in random conversations in the grocery store line there in books there in movies. They’re in conversations there in podcast. They’re everywhere.

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Mayumi Young: And don’t be afraid. Like there’s only one place that I can go to get answers. I can only go to my spiritual or religious you know centers or I need to go to my coach know if they’re everywhere all the time every day.

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Mayumi Young: And one thing that you can do that I think was a fun thing if you want to start to stimulate

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Mayumi Young: Sort of your awareness is set out to have EVERYDAY BE A miracle and you get to say what a miracle is to me. Um, if I believed that if I found $1

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Mayumi Young: But that was my miracle for the day because that was money $1 more than I had that day, you get to claim the miracle as small as it is as big it is, as it is.

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Mayumi Young: And if you look every day for something wonderful something miraculous something that makes you happy and or could find gratitude for things

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Mayumi Young: You’ll start to see more and more and more and more of it. And then you’ll start to experience life in a completely different place to hide or we can raise our vibration

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Mayumi Young: Google things like maps of consciousness and different energies, there’s amazing books out there asking, it’s given us fantastic anything with David Hawkins and power vs for

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Mayumi Young: All these incredible thoughts of how you can systematically raise your energy and vibration

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Mayumi Young: That’s the work that we get to do in the world. And when I think about making an impact and being somebody who wants to make a difference. And I know many of you out there are like me, you have, you know, the were born for great things you want to have a massive impact.

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Mayumi Young: But you don’t want to wear the responsibility of doing it for every person on the planet.

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Mayumi Young: The job of us is to raise our own consciousness raise our own energy raise our own vibration first. And I think there’s something like if we get ourselves up to the level of peace. We can impact.

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Mayumi Young: Like 20 million people on the planet, just by raising our own selves, put the mask on yourself first, and you buy in the essence of doing that you help others.

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Mayumi Young: So our job on this planet today is to live extraordinarily joyful align and fulfilled lives. Know thyself into myself be true. You get to live this extraordinary life and I really empower encourage each of you to take one step forward today designing a life that matters to you.

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kathygruver: I love it and just all through

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kathygruver: Science and real quick because I know you guys got to talk about that. So I get to be a nerd to

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kathygruver: Our brain looks towards things that we’re familiar with our brain moves towards thing that we already know to be true. This is why so many women, unfortunately, stay in an abusive relationship.

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kathygruver: Or we stay in a job. We don’t like it’s safer for our brain to stay stuck and unhappy. Just because we know it than it is to move forward.

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kathygruver: So if every day and I love what you said, whether it’s finding that dollar you you go to pull the old pants out of the washer, you’re like oh my god there’s 20 bucks or it’s this

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kathygruver: Moment of perfection of the connection with the cat or the sunset or a beautiful flower. If we continue to look at those things.

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kathygruver: We’re going to find more and more of those things. That’s what the brain does it looks towards things that we’re familiar with. So I, I love that looking for little miracles every day and re reframing what miracle means to you, you know, it’s great, Jason final word. And then we’ll uh

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Jason Mefford: Well, you know, the one thing too that I wanted to reiterate is kind of following that some of the signs and the breadcrumbs. You know as well and that

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Jason Mefford: They’re all over the place. So everybody that’s listening. Here’s a personal experience for me today. I woke up this morning with a certain thought in my mind.

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Jason Mefford: As we have been talking today on this podcast. It went okay so I didn’t plan this, I didn’t know what we were going to talk about today.

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Jason Mefford: But the universe is trying to tell me something, and I got my answer just from listening to this, right, so we’re all going through this

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Jason Mefford: And and look for those little signs, because they’re all over the place. And the more you turn in that radio right because back. I love that. I love the analogy of the womb as well.

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Jason Mefford: A woman doesn’t have to sit there and think and do a bunch of stuff every single day. Right. She just has to tune in and and the baby grows

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Jason Mefford: Right. And as we tap into that collective consciousness as we tune in to what we have to do to tune in.

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Jason Mefford: Everything else is going to take care of itself. If you’re doing the little things right, you got to eat every day. Maybe take your prenatal vitamins. But that’s about all you gotta do.

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Jason Mefford: Right to stay healthy and everything else takes care of itself. And it will. I mean, we’ve got three people on the show right now they can that are proof of that.

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Jason Mefford: As well. So I hope that everybody continues to do that and Naomi. This was amazing. Thank you.

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kathygruver: Great episode, so maybe how can people reach you, if they want to get ahold of you.

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Mayumi Young: Probably the best way. It’s just on my personal website, which is my Umi young calm and it’s me why you. Am I young Y o u n g calm.

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Mayumi Young: You know, I’m a tool geek. I love tools and technology and things that helps. So to the extent that I can suggest books are tools I’m big into personality profiling anything that’s going to give us a little bit of an edge.

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Mayumi Young: That helps us along our journey. I take it all. I’m the consumer of coaching and mentoring and masterminds and all of it so

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Mayumi Young: Any place where you find resonance. You know, I know. Kathy, I believe you’ve got training and Jason you as well. I mean, if you have resonance and connection with somebody that’s generally assign like

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Mayumi Young: Go forward go connect with them further and learn or about how you can be closer in in their space because each person creates a space and

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Mayumi Young: It less less everyone’s thinking and less everyone’s consciousness. So I think that’s probably the best way to connect with me. And if I can serve you, or support you on your journey. It’d be my pleasure.

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kathygruver: Yay, so maybe I’m dot com everybody head out do that I’m Kathy groove where I can be reached at Kathy Gruber calm.

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Jason Mefford: And I’m Jason effort. I can be reached at Jason Medford calm, so go out start looking for those signs live the best life that you can, and we’ll catch you on a future episode of the fire and earth podcast. We’ll see you. Yeah. Thank you.

Looking for purpose in life? Well unfortunately your purpose may not all of a sudden fall into your lap. In today’s episode we discuss with Sean Rosensteel how to find our own purposes in life
and how we can use this purpose in order to live with intention.  

To get a free copy of Sean’s book “The School of Intentional Living” visit his website: https://www.seanrosensteel.com/ and check out his podcasts: The Sean Rosensteel Podcast, and author-ized. 

Listen in at: http://www.jasonmefford.com/fireandearthpodcast/

Transcript

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Kathy Gruver: Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of the fire and earth podcast, I’m your co host Kathy gruver

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Jason Mefford: And I’m Jason Medford, and today we have a special guest Sean Rosenstiel with us, Sean, all the way from Dallas, Fort Worth area. I think if I remember I didn’t

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Sean Rosensteel: Just recently, Dallas. Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: All right, Dallas.

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Jason Mefford: Dallas is one of my was was always one of my favorite places to go and visit. If you’re going to go to Texas. I say go to Dallas, but anyway.

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Jason Mefford: we digress let’s let’s let’s first john let’s talk a little bit about you because I know you’ve got an interesting background, you’ve got a book out

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Jason Mefford: You’ve got a podcast as well. So just kind of share with the listeners a little bit about kind of who you are, what you do and then let’s just kind of jump in and see where the conversation goes today.

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Sean Rosensteel: Awesome. Well, thank you, Cathy, and Jason, for having me on the show today greatly appreciate it. Nice to be here with you with y’all as they say that

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Jason Mefford: All right, you got to start getting used to y’all and all y’all.

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Sean Rosensteel: Yeah, so I’m a Midwestern er. I’m from Chicago. And I tried that.

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Sean Rosensteel: A few weeks ago. Totally botched it like it cut off halfway in the middle. I was like, Yep. All and everyone knew I was an imposter. So I’m not going to try that again.

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Sean Rosensteel: But

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Sean Rosensteel: Yeah, so thanks for having me.

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Kathy Gruver: We’ll do our drills.

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Sean Rosensteel: So I recently wrote and published a book and published in July and it’s called the school of intentional living

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Sean Rosensteel: And I’ve been wanting to write a book for many years. I actually became obsessed with this topic of intentional living about a decade ago.

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Sean Rosensteel: In my late 20s, I went bankrupt and I had many opportunities for wake up calls during my teenage years and my early and mid 20s.

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Sean Rosensteel: Not like near death experiences, but close calls where I barely made it out alive. And you would think that that would have shifted me up enough to wake me up a little bit, but it really didn’t

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Sean Rosensteel: Interestingly enough, when I went bankrupt. It was about a month before my wedding. This is very interesting time

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Sean Rosensteel: And it was the first time that I really pause and reflected back on some of the choices that I had made leading up to that pivotal moment.

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Sean Rosensteel: And I realized how unintentionally and just how complacently. I was living. I was really going through the motions making poor decisions.

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Sean Rosensteel: Really living from a place of what’s in it for me, versus how may I serve. So when I went bankrupt. I took some stock took some inventory

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Sean Rosensteel: And recognize the fact that I would be responsible for another human being. And about a month and she my fiance at the time was talking about someday you know having a family of our own. And I’m thinking, oh my gosh.

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Sean Rosensteel: I have one. It’s one plus some others. Right. Yeah.

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Sean Rosensteel: I’m ever going to be responsible for her and our future children someday when I can’t even be responsible for myself so

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Sean Rosensteel: Luckily I received some guidance at that time. In fact, I include included the, the, the money I had borrowed from my parents in my bankruptcy.

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Sean Rosensteel: And after the fact. Once the paperwork was finalized, I realized, oh my gosh, my poor mother is going to walk out and get the mountain and see the letter from the government.

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Sean Rosensteel: So I figured I better give them a heads up on this one. So I called them both and they were incredibly

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Sean Rosensteel: Supportive and luckily I’ve been very fortunate. They gave me unconditional love my whole life and

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Sean Rosensteel: They told me something that day that they had told me 100 times over. It’s just I think I was ready to hear the guidance and it finally stuck. So my dad said, Shawn, no one is responsible for you, but you

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Sean Rosensteel: And then my mom chimed in and said, It’s time to fight. Find a quiet place and figure things out for yourself.

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Sean Rosensteel: So 28 years old, I kind of took a step back and almost reset my life, I realized that, okay, I can

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Sean Rosensteel: reset my financial column and all my debt goes away. But there’s no reset button for the things and the people in my life that matter the most. And I had a lot of digging out to do. I was bankrupt, not only financially but spiritually and emotionally and physically as well.

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Sean Rosensteel: So I was a little bit behind the eight ball but became obsessed with personal growth. I always didn’t like school I was always a C average at best student

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Sean Rosensteel: Kind of went through the motions there. I was just biding my time trying to get out.

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Sean Rosensteel: And I became obsessed with learning. I was like, Oh my gosh, I can read a book on addiction and put some of these strategies into play in my own life and then overcome these things so

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Sean Rosensteel: I got really crazy about learning and applying what I was learning and eventually just became obsessed with this idea of, you know, living my best life living intentionally

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Sean Rosensteel: And then years went by I got a few results and different areas of my life and I eventually began teaching this to others.

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Sean Rosensteel: So I’ve been coaching this to other people on an individual basis, also in group settings for about six years now.

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Sean Rosensteel: And it was recommended that someday I write a book. I’m an avid reader. I read roughly a book, a week.

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Sean Rosensteel: Books saved my life 10 years ago I couldn’t afford an online course back then, you know, the early days and online courses weren’t to 97 they were more expensive than that I couldn’t afford plane tickets to fly out to go see Tony Robbins in LA.

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Sean Rosensteel: So books at the library and books on Amazon for 12 $15 really saved my life. So I thought it was a great idea to someday, write a book myself.

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Sean Rosensteel: Although I didn’t really know how to approach the subject of intentional living because it means so many different things to so many different people.

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Sean Rosensteel: And I think there’s a lot of misconceptions about it so I couldn’t find the entry point.

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Sean Rosensteel: Luckily, late last year I was doing a meditation and idea hit me that I couldn’t really let go of

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Sean Rosensteel: And it kind of gave me this metaphor to use with intentional living and I went for it. And I started writing the book made the decision in January to write the book this year started in February.

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Sean Rosensteel: coven hit obviously it affecting all of us. No one was insulated from that.

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Sean Rosensteel: And I feel like it was a blessing that I decided to write the book this year because it really gave me something to focus on during those

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Sean Rosensteel: uncertain times. I mean, we’re still living through those uncertain times now, to a certain degree, but it gave me a project to sink my teeth into and kind of kept my attention.

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Sean Rosensteel: And then eventually published in July and I’m really thrilled. It’s, it’s done really well. I think the timing.

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Sean Rosensteel: Is lucky and it’s amazing because I think a lot of us are impacted by this pandemic and a lot of us are

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Sean Rosensteel: You know, sitting back and doing a little bit of reflection and figuring out. Okay, what do I really want out of my life. And what’s my next move because we’re all a little bit stuck right now. Yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah, and it’s so funny because I had, I’ve heard so many people say

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Kathy Gruver: Now that we’ve got a pandemic. I’m going to write my book and nobody has including me, it’s like I was having halfway through one of my books. And I thought, what a perfect time to write it and then Hammond.

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Kathy Gruver: So can good for you for actually like doing that thing you said you’re going to do and not like like Pokemon like some of the others. I must have done.

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Kathy Gruver: So, so you say there’s a lot of misconceptions and a lot of different routes into this idea of living your best life. So what is your philosophy on that. What was that in for you.

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Sean Rosensteel: So for me, when, you know, I used to think about intentional living from a place of, like, I think it’s got some religious undercurrents

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Sean Rosensteel: I remember years ago I was looking for a book to help me live a more Purpose Driven Life and I found the book of Purpose Driven Life by were born.

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Sean Rosensteel: And I remember opening it up and thinking, Wow, this is a lot of gospel, and this is a lot of

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Sean Rosensteel: You know, there’s just a lot of religious undertones which is perfectly fine. But that’s that really wasn’t what I was looking for.

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Sean Rosensteel: At that time, so I think people associate intentional living to to Christianity, I think, at times, which is perfectly fine. That wasn’t my angle at it necessarily

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Sean Rosensteel: I also think there’s a big misconception about purpose. I know a lot of people who are asking themselves, what’s my purpose. Right, and I think we all

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Sean Rosensteel: Believe that purpose is just going to smack us like a, you know, ton of bricks in the face, one day, and I don’t believe I found that purpose doesn’t necessarily work that way.

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Sean Rosensteel: I think purpose is something that’s not singular. A lot of us look to write out a purpose statement in one sentence and I don’t actually know anyone

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Sean Rosensteel: Who has done that exercise in their entire life has changed. I think purpose can be found in every area of your life. And I think it’s a moving target.

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Sean Rosensteel: You know my purpose today is different than it was a year ago my priorities have shifted. I’ve had different experiences in all areas of my life. And now you know my focus has changed.

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Sean Rosensteel: So I think it’s important for us to realize that purpose is fluid. It’s a moving target of changes with age with experience with our priorities and

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Sean Rosensteel: I oftentimes tell people look if you’re stuck with that question. What is my purpose, you know, ask a better question. You’ll get better answers right so I always recommend that people add two simple words to that which is, What is my purpose right now.

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Sean Rosensteel: Because that seems to really adjust people’s focus and helps them to live in the moment. Live in the present moment, and also realize that okay you know my purpose right now is to focus on

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Sean Rosensteel: This thing or the other thing we all have a lot going on right we’ve got, you know, we’re coming into this podcast we got things after this podcast. So what’s my purpose today, what’s my purpose. Right now it’s to be present with

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Sean Rosensteel: You Jason and Kathy and to enjoy our time together on this podcast. So I feel like that’s a neat little trick that you can use if you feel yourself getting caught up in that role. What is my purpose mentality. Right. It’s kind of that loop.

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Jason Mefford: Well, because they adding those two words, the right now at the end of it is what’s important, right, because I don’t know. I mean, again,

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Jason Mefford: I see that you see this all the time with people. Right. What is my purpose. So then the couch meditate, it’s going to hit me on the side of the head like a two before

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Jason Mefford: It ain’t going to happen like that right and so many people just get stuck. They’re like, Well, I’m not going to take any action.

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Jason Mefford: Until I know what my purpose is I’m just going to sit here and think until it hits me right and it’s like, folks, the intention comes after you start taking action.

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Jason Mefford: Right, you got to start doing something usually before, it’ll actually calm, because the universe isn’t going to just give it to you if you’re just sitting there doing nothing but thinking

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Jason Mefford: Right, that’s one of the, I think misconceptions in general with, you know, kind of the whole you know mindfulness and a lot of people getting into meditation and more spiritual stuff.

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Jason Mefford: Is, is they think, well, all I have to do is sit and think about it and everything happens, you still got to work right. You still gotta do.

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Jason Mefford: What it is and and it doesn’t come as a two before it comes just like you said when you were getting that inspiration for the book. Right. It’s just like all of a sudden you have this thought

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Jason Mefford: And this metaphor comes in and it keeps hanging around. You couldn’t get rid of it. It wasn’t a fleeting moment. It was a conscious stream into you.

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Jason Mefford: Hey, my purpose right now is to write that book. Right.

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Sean Rosensteel: Now, right.

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Sean Rosensteel: But I also think, to your point, Jason. I also think it’s good. I mean, I think a lot of us go through our entire lives and we don’t ask ourselves that question.

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Sean Rosensteel: I mean, I, I’m for whatever reason, I kind of like to live my life from the end. So I get obsessed with like top five regrets of the dying brownie where

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Sean Rosensteel: The number one regret of those so many people who she took care of in the final weeks of their lives said, You know, I wish I would have lived a life that was more true to myself and not the life that others expected of me.

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Sean Rosensteel: So I think a lot of us go through the motions for a lifetime. But some of us do start asking those questions at whatever age, it is. And I always think that’s kind of a tap on the shoulder.

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Sean Rosensteel: That’s kind of the beginning of a calling, and I think you’re lucky. I think it’s a blessing. If you start to ask those difficult deep, meaningful questions so

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Sean Rosensteel: Not a bad thing, but you don’t want to sit idle for years in. I’m wondering mode, right.

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Sean Rosensteel: And it’s all about that intention. I mean, I was looking for an entry point. It took a long time. But my mind was open to it.

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Sean Rosensteel: You know, and oftentimes when you set that intention, the universe conspires with you or God or source or whatever you call it.

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Sean Rosensteel: And the right people start showing up in your life, the right solutions present themselves. So I think it’s a great thing. Step one might be, Hey, I’m wondering about this thing.

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Sean Rosensteel: To might be look for it. Step three. Might be hey we all value clarity, we all wish we can have clarity, but oftentimes the clarity, we all desire is earned through action, to your point.

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Jason Mefford: As it is right.

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Sean Rosensteel: So you learn and grow through motion and experience. You can’t just sit and meditate for many years and expect the exact result to show up, you know,

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Kathy Gruver: So I have a question. Now this might be getting a little too. This could be an interesting route. Um, I’ve talked to some I’ve traveled the world.

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Kathy Gruver: I grew up in Pittsburgh. I’ve been well there’s only three states, I’ve not been to every place I go I talked to people and

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Kathy Gruver: I’ve talked to so many people who they don’t care about a purpose, they don’t think about that they think people to think about that or that you know the navel gazers who are sitting around just looking for something big. I

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Kathy Gruver: I feel like the majority of the population is okay to get up how their breakfast, go to work, do their job, have their family go to bed after watching something on TV. I think so many people are just that’s there’s they’re totally okay with that.

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Kathy Gruver: Do you agree with that. Do you think we should all be looking for a purpose, or do you think it’s okay to just have a part of the population going now. This is it. This is what it is.

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Kathy Gruver: Am I correct in that statement, in your opinion, and I mean like, what do you guys think about that.

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Sean Rosensteel: Well, I think those people are just wrong. No.

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Jason Mefford: You’re listening right now know how

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Kathy Gruver: To go no

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Sean Rosensteel: I’m glad you both laughed so quickly, because I was

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Sean Rosensteel: You know, I think each of us has our own path and we have to respect and appreciate everyone based on their unique beliefs and their experiences and the, I don’t see anything wrong with that. I think there’s a need for everybody here, you know. So I don’t think that everyone needs to

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Sean Rosensteel: Go beyond the let’s call it conventional living right you wake up to do the job you come, you pay your taxes. Come on, someday. Hopefully you retire.

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Sean Rosensteel: I don’t like those odds. When you look at the statistics and I just don’t like those odds and, secondly, I think I would be bored out of my mind and retirement.

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Sean Rosensteel: So I would like to contribute to give back to serve. I’d like to be live a life of meaning and purpose for as long as I’m here and capable to do so, but

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Sean Rosensteel: That’s just my, that’s my value system. That’s what I enjoy. I know not everybody’s like that. And I think that’s totally fine. I think they are serving a purpose somewhere.

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Sean Rosensteel: I know a lot of people who are corporate executives and they, you know, work hard and they come home and they’re, they’re great family people

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Sean Rosensteel: They’re raising their families. So while they’re not pursuing like a purpose driven career like a thought leader, a career as a writer or a coach or a speaker, they’re doing great work inside their company, and then they’re serving their families. And I think that’s very admirable

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Sean Rosensteel: I know some people who have a day job and they don’t have families and they volunteer every now and then.

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Sean Rosensteel: I think that’s great. You know, so I think, to each his own. I don’t have any issues with that. But I do tend to attract and be attracted to those people who are looking to

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Sean Rosensteel: You know, make a difference, so to speak, my grandmother growing up used to always tell us as kids, you know, never leave a room and worse condition than when you enter debt.

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Sean Rosensteel: And I kind of use our planet. This world as a metaphor. And I tried to live that out in my own life and my whole thought process is. I don’t want to leave this world and been

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Sean Rosensteel: In worse off condition than when I arrived, I want to use my talents and God given abilities and everything else to make this a better place. And we we each have different unique ways of doing that. I will never be a politician.

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Sean Rosensteel: It’s not in my DNA. It’s not in my blood. I’m interested in other things. And while I’m involved minimally and I do my part.

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Sean Rosensteel: I just won’t pursue that path, but I know a lot of other people who are very obsessed with it and passionate about it. I think that’s great.

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Sean Rosensteel: You know, so we’re all I believe we’re all here for a reason. I think we all contribute in our own ways, or we don’t contribute and it may be create someone else’s path because of that lack of contribution. Right. So it’s all kind of happening together for a reason, in my experience,

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Jason Mefford: One of the things sometimes, too. It’s, it’s, you know, there’s different seasons of people’s lives as well. Right. And so I think sometimes, you know, it’s easy for us from the outside to maybe judge or not, not see it as maybe

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Jason Mefford: You know, is intentional or, you know, it’s kind of the same old get up, you know, go to work, come home BA BA BA BA BA BUM, you know, kind of thing, but

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Jason Mefford: To the person itself. A lot of it comes back to the intense and the intent of the person as well.

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Jason Mefford: And so, you know, I’ve seen lots of people, you know, mothers, fathers, working one or two jobs immigrant families, especially fall into this right where

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Jason Mefford: Where maybe the parents. It just seems like they’re kind of doing the daily grind, but they have purpose behind what they’re doing. And it’s to provide

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Jason Mefford: For their children so that their children can have a better life than they did. And so even though it may, you know, from the outside, it may seem like, oh, you know, you’re

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Jason Mefford: You’re washing dishes or you’re mowing lawns, or you’re doing something your whole life. But that gives that person purpose because they see they’re leaving the world a better place.

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Jason Mefford: Than they came. Yeah, they’re not, you know, they’re not following a dream, you know, kind of thing, but they’re still making the world a better place. And, you know, Sean, like you said, we all have

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Jason Mefford: Our own path to go down. You know, there’s different mean the experiences you know if you going through the bankruptcy, you learn something from it it’s it’s horrible to go through that.

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Jason Mefford: But, you know, you learn something. It was the path that you were on and they made to the man who you are today.

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Kathy Gruver: I was listening to, I think, was NPR, a couple years back, and it must have been on Martin Luther King Day, and they were playing just his speeches over and over and over again.

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Kathy Gruver: Which was so inspirational and motivational and there was one of his speeches where he basically said, look,

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Kathy Gruver: You don’t have to be saving the world. You don’t have to be curing cancer you but you be the best damn whatever you are if you’re a street sweeper you’d be the best conscious streets.

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Kathy Gruver: butchering this talk, but I mean, but it was that sort of thing. It’s like, no man, no there is no small just like there’s no small part, there’s only a small actor kind of thing. It’s like you do whatever you do with grace and confidence and and

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Kathy Gruver: You know thankfulness and joy that was his message. And I thought, yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: We need everybody in this global play to make all this stuff happen. So for somebody that wants to find their purpose, though, what do you recommend like what’s the first step to this intentional living

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Sean Rosensteel: Yeah, well I think all of us. If someone is really challenged and they they’ve thought about it for a while and they really don’t know.

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Sean Rosensteel: My first step I always recommend like look at how you’re spending your time because sometimes finding purpose can can feel like

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Sean Rosensteel: You’re trying to read the label of a bottle from inside the bottle right it’s just hard because we’re so close, and we need to somehow, some way get out of that broaden our perspective, a bit

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Sean Rosensteel: But I oftentimes tell people to just focus on themselves and look at the areas that they spend the most time and

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Sean Rosensteel: So if I someone didn’t know and we looked at their calendar and we saw that in their calendar. They were volunteering twice a week for the past five years with an animal shelter that could give us some clues into what they’re passionate about. If someone was reading or if someone was

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Sean Rosensteel: You know coaching people on how to identify their best career, you know, I think there are clues. I think there are traces of some of those things. But we just get, you know, not caught, but we get into these routines and

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Sean Rosensteel: We become. It’s almost like this unconscious thing, right. So we have to create some awareness around that and bring that to someone’s consciousness.

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Sean Rosensteel: But chances are based on history, you can tell where people are passionate about and investing more of their time than not.

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Sean Rosensteel: And then you’ve got the issue were like back in my teenage years and in my 20s, I was abusing alcohol and, you know, going out multiple nights every week and blacking out and it was, you know, if you looked at my calendar. Back then it was sleeping and partying.

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Sean Rosensteel: So then you know you have to kind of, if it’s disempowering behavior, you have to kind of

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Sean Rosensteel: Look beyond it. Get behind it and say, Okay, what’s that all about. And for me it was like, well, I’m just looking to escape.

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Sean Rosensteel: I’m just looking to feel good. I’m just looking to numb. My nerves. I’m just looking to escape boredom, or you know whatever it was.

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Sean Rosensteel: Like okay, the vehicle. I’m using is a disempowering one. So what other vehicles. Might I enjoy using that actually empowers me and makes me feel even better and doesn’t hang me over the next morning and immobilize me until 2pm in the afternoon.

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Sean Rosensteel: So it’s a tough question. And I like it a lot. I think the starting point may be different for many of us, based on where we are.

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Sean Rosensteel: You know, a lot of us are in different stages as, as Jason mentioned seasons of life. I think the trick is to get ourselves out of survival mode.

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Sean Rosensteel: A lot of us are living paycheck to paycheck, not just in the financial column of our life, but

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Sean Rosensteel: With our health with our relationships. And I think it’s very hard to pursue anything or create or envision a compelling future for ourselves where when we’re

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Sean Rosensteel: Just trying to keep our heads above water and we’re in survival mode. So I think step one might be to just get somehow find a way to get us into a more stable, a place of stability.

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Sean Rosensteel: Where we’re making progress. We’re a little bit more discipline, maybe we have a little bit more structure and we’re improving certain areas of our lives that really matter to us.

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Sean Rosensteel: And sometimes when you get into that place. It’s easier to look ahead, it’s easier to set goals and get into some of those rhythms, where you can create that future for yourself. Right.

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Jason Mefford: Well, I wanted to come back to one of the words that you said before, you know, you said when you when you went to your parents told them about your bankruptcy.

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Jason Mefford: And they kind of gave you advice again in the word that I remember to there is responsible, right, that you’re the one that’s responsible

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Jason Mefford: And so when I, when I think about, you know, intentional living you know responsibility, I think, is has to be a huge piece of this, right, because if if we’re

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Jason Mefford: Intending for something to happen, we have to accept responsibility for our peace in this right. And again, if, if, if we look at it and say, hey, you know what, right now I’m in the season of my life. My kids are little

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Jason Mefford: I don’t want to be working crazy hours. Let’s say I so I’m going to choose right to maybe have a job that doesn’t pay as well maybe doesn’t fulfill me as much personally

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Jason Mefford: Because I’m choosing right to be there with my kids more and I’m response. I’m the one responsible for that, right, because so much of the time it seems like we get into this blame and excuse and denial

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Jason Mefford: And then we, you know, people complain about the life they have without ever taking responsibility or being intentional.

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Jason Mefford: Right about what you want and if you’re not intentional, then it’s kind of like, you know, it’s hard to complain. Right, you brought up politics before my parents always told me you know

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Jason Mefford: You can’t complain about you know the the political landscape. If you don’t vote.

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Jason Mefford: Right, if you don’t at least vote. You can’t bitch and moan about what’s going on because you’re not even doing your part.

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Jason Mefford: That you know that minimum minimum part, right. So, so how does that responsibility and everything kind of work in here and what you’re teaching with the intentional living, too.

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Sean Rosensteel: Well for me, that’s where it started was taking responsibility and people don’t, you know, no one likes to talk about personal responsibility. It’s like, well, I don’t, you know, I want to put the blame on others. So I often

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Sean Rosensteel: Kind of reframe that into taking charge because it sounds a little sexier.

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Sean Rosensteel: Let’s take charge right take ownership.

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Sean Rosensteel: But I think it definitely starts there and for a can and

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Sean Rosensteel: I like when I when I see the word responsibility. I remember who this was, but many years ago told me that’s simply your ability to respond.

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Sean Rosensteel: Responsibility, right, which it, which I like that. So, okay, my ability to respond. So thus far in my life. I haven’t been able to respond very well moving forward. I will respond better

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Sean Rosensteel: I will take charge of, you know, all the decisions I’ve made leading up to this moment. And from here on out. I will become more intentional and more purpose driven or whatever that looks like.

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Sean Rosensteel: But I think that helps. And I think there’s a process, people go through and I haven’t necessarily analyzed it for myself, but I think

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Sean Rosensteel: You know, lately I’ve been learning a lot about like self forgiveness. Right. So I think, you know, we all have to take, let’s say we lived in unintentional life for 50 years

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Sean Rosensteel: And we want to respond better moving forward. I think we have to take responsibility acknowledge our complacency or are drifting are going through the motions or whatever term you want to use.

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Sean Rosensteel: But then we have to we have to just accept it. We have to almost go through this acceptance period where okay I accept that those things happen. I made those decisions. They all led me to right where I am today.

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Sean Rosensteel: And then we have to take responsibility and then I think we have to be accountable moving forward and ultimately take action.

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Sean Rosensteel: But I think somewhere in there and again recently in the last 969 months I’ve been learning about like

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Sean Rosensteel: Forgiving myself and how important that is. We always talk about how it’s important to forgive others but it’s like well what about forgiving yourself.

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Sean Rosensteel: For some of those decisions that you made that you made today regret.

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Sean Rosensteel: And well, you didn’t have the learnings that you have now Hindsight is 2020 so be compassionate with yourself, how to be a little more patient and forgive yourself because

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Sean Rosensteel: You’re on a path here. And the very fact that you’re thinking this way. I think is a good sign. Like I mentioned, it might be a tap on the shoulder that there’s something I don’t want to say, bigger, better, but there’s something beyond your current circumstances, that’s waiting for you. Yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah. And I love that you talked about the forgiveness and sort of letting that go because if we look at our lives as sort of like a duffel bag and we only have so much space.

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Kathy Gruver: If you’re carrying around all this stuff from the past. If you’re carrying around all this regret all this guilt all this

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Kathy Gruver: Energy, then there’s no space for you to put all the good stuff in. So I think we, I think you’re right. That’s one of the first steps, at least in my mind is we have to let that stuff go that’s no longer serving us

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Sean Rosensteel: Whether it’s

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Kathy Gruver: A relationship or a job or a thought form, you know, if we don’t have space for all the new stuff, then we’re not going to get it as easily.

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Sean Rosensteel: Yeah, great point.

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Jason Mefford: Well, and I think it’s easy to let’s analogies this a little bit, right, because like you said, the self forgiveness.

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Jason Mefford: Is just as important. So, let’s say, Sean, you and I, you know, we’re in a relationship we do something I do something to piss you off, you do something to piss me off. Who knows, right.

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Jason Mefford: But there’s a strain in that relationship until I forgive you, or until you forgive me, it’s hard for our relationship to move forward. Right.

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Jason Mefford: And it’s the same thing with us as individuals. If we’re are not willing to forgive ourselves, how can we have that growth.

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Jason Mefford: And move and develop and transform ourselves if we’re still holding ourselves back we’re effectively. It’s a self grudge.

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Jason Mefford: If we don’t forgive ourselves. And so that’s why again self compassion self forgiveness is so important.

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Jason Mefford: And we usually forget it, you know, Jason. You’re so stupid, but not not about you know we that self taught goes in our head.

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Jason Mefford: And we got to get that out of there because just like any other relationship we have a relationship with ourself and if we can’t forgive yourself and move on. We’re holding ourselves back

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Sean Rosensteel: Great point. Yeah, I love that self grudge.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Yes. Is it

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Kathy Gruver: Self grunge, which is a totally different kind of

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Kathy Gruver: And without of course we are wrapping up our time since I’m the appointed time keeper, um, any final thoughts from you. Good. This has been a great conversation. As always, any final thoughts. How can we get ahold of you and your book and all that good stuff.

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Sean Rosensteel: Thank you. Yeah. Right. Thanks. So right now, if you go to my website. Sean Rosenstiel calm and hopefully you can spell that last name in the show notes.

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Sean Rosensteel: I’m doing like a free signed copy just pay shipping and handling and while you’re waiting on the book to arrive. You’ll also get a free PDF immediately via email so that you can begin reading and you don’t have to wait.

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Sean Rosensteel: So you can get it on Amazon, as well. Barnes and Noble, I mean, any place that books are sold online.

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Sean Rosensteel: You can get it there too. So I certainly appreciate the time here. Today on the show. This is a lot of fun. Absolutely. Great.

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Kathy Gruver: Conversation Jason, you always have the most brilliant thoughts to end.

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Jason Mefford: The brilliant Austin. Well, well, talking about intentional living right I just tried to like summarize a little bit but

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Jason Mefford: You know, it may be, if your life isn’t going quite where you want it to be going

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Jason Mefford: Then just let’s start being a little bit more intentional about it, you know, we talked about some of the things having awareness, you know, where are you spending your time. What are you kind of getting out of it.

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Jason Mefford: You know, be responsible. Forgive yourself, you know, think about really where you want to go and and realize that we’re all in different seasons.

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Jason Mefford: But let’s just try to make this world a better place than we came to write it. I love the analogy, even of the room. You know, I think you said it was your grandmother that said that if we can always

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Jason Mefford: Try to give and make this world better than it was before, right, because ultimately the question that you brought up to that we kind of skipped over a little bit. But, how may I serve

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Jason Mefford: If you answer that question to yourself even even on those little things. So again, we talked about getting stuck on the couches and example. And one of my mentors tells me he said you know in business, especially, it’s like, how can you serve the best for the next 15 minutes

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Jason Mefford: You know, don’t try to overthink all. What’s the most important thing, though. What’s, what’s the thing you can do for the next 15 minutes is going to survive right now.

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Jason Mefford: And and so adding that to it to you know that. What is my purpose right now. What can I do right now and then just start making some some changes.

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Jason Mefford: And. But yeah, Sean. Thank you so much for coming on here. Everybody go out, have a great week and start living more intentionally and we’ll catch you. Oh.

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Kathy Gruver: Hey, Jason.

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Jason Mefford: I know I screwed up the end after 100 episodes I just screwed up the end I’m, I’m Jason

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Jason Mefford: Jason effort com

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Kathy Gruver: The destructive one today.

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Kathy Gruver: I can be reached a Kathy rumor.com

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Jason Mefford: So with that, go out and we’ll catch you on the next fire and earth podcast. So, yeah.

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Yeah.

Today we talk about managing stress and internal conflict with Faye Lawand-Maclean.
Faye is an Internal Conflict Resolution Expert who works to help professionals overcome stress and become more productive in their work and daily lives.
So come take a journey with us into learning about our subconscious minds and becoming stress free through seven different strategies.

Transcript

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Jason Mefford: Welcome to another episode of the fire and earth podcast, I’m your co host Jason Medford

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kathygruver: And I am Kathy gruver and I am so excited. We have an amazing guest as we always do. And today we’re talking about one of my favorite things stress. Now I know none of you are stressed.

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kathygruver: Good we’ve

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kathygruver: Gotten countless emails stress no stress.

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kathygruver: None of us are stressed, but

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kathygruver: If you happen to be, or if you happen to know someone a friend stressed. I’m saying lawanda is here. She’s gonna be talking about stress and internal conflict, all these great things so Fe. Welcome to the show.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Thank you. It’s so great to be here. Good morning.

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kathygruver: Good morning, good afternoon, good evening.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Good evening. Exactly.

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Jason Mefford: Wherever and whenever you’re listening to.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: It doesn’t matter, time is an illusion.

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kathygruver: Totally. Exactly, exactly. So say tell everybody who you are, what you do, how you got here, that sort of thing. We’ll talk about 25 minutes and

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: And you just depress me if I’m rambling. Hello.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: So my name is failing one and I’m based here in gorgeous Auckland, New Zealand, and I work in the area of internal conflict resolution and

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Basically what I do in the field of internal conflict resolution as I worked with stressed out burnout busy professionals.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Who are you know overwhelmed fatigue to stress out, so on and so forth.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: And I mentor them to resolve their internal conflict so that they can be more productive feel healthier, happier sleep better, so on and so forth. You know, access those states of magic in themselves, and in their lives and

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: How I came to this work. I mean, you know, when I was 12 and we were going around in circles in a classroom and my teacher asked, What do you want to be when you grow up.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: I have no idea. And I certainly did.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Not know I want to be an internal conflict resolution expert.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Right. Yeah, I’ve heard of that before. What is that

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: What is that, but you know it stemmed from my own personal journey was stress burnout and fatigue and I was born in the Middle East, shortly before the Lebanese Civil War 1975

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: And that was, you know, one of the longest bloodiest most drawn out wars that claimed hundreds of thousands of lives and it drove

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Many, many, many more away from the country, and we were one of part of that statistic. We left the country pretty early on in the area of conflict pretty early on I was about five when we left

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: And so I grew up thinking and believing the narrative that I heard we left early were unaffected by the war.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: And that’s how I lived my life but my life wasn’t reflecting those states of experiences of gratitude.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Life was a struggle. Life was difficult, and it really caught up with them in a very, very real way around the time that I turned 40 around that time.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: And very interesting with life crisis and everything was falling apart, then everything my career, my relationships. My relationship with myself was terrible.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: And then, and then obviously it was my health, you know, and I got a very, very scary.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Health diagnosis around that time. And that’s really stopped me in my tracks and I knew at that point that I had two choices. Either I continue, you know, the way I was going living life on autopilot having no idea

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: You know, really examining what’s going on and how my choices, my internal traces of my internal reality are contributing to where I am and how I’m feeling.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Or I take a different route, but the thing is, I didn’t obviously I didn’t know what I know. No, I did not to get started. This is the thing.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: You know, I, I knew I needed I needed to do something different. But where do you go because the traditional might what was prescribed then was

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Medication and talk therapy and neither one actually felt right for me. I went to talk therapy and I actually felt worse going round and round and round in circles, talking about the problem. You know, it’s just awful.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: And then, you know, that’s the way the universe works. Someone mentioned to me some this thing about the subconscious mind. I had never even heard of the subconscious mind. Can you believe it. I had never heard of the subconscious mind.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: But it makes sense. You know, it’s this, you know, this part of yourself that stores all your emotions and all your memories and it drives your behavior and your reality. I’m like, Oh, this is cool. I want to try it out. So I immediately booked in with a hypnotherapist

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: But you guys when I got there, I was so skeptical. I was so skeptical so many of our clients are when they come to us right and they hypnotherapist

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: She wasn’t interested in talking about my problems like okay just very generally, what do you, what do you want to change in your life and how do you want to feel

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: And then she took me back to the very first time that the root cause of the experiences in my life. Currently, and my mind went back

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: To the time when I was about four or five years old and were fleeing the war zone.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: And there were missiles overhead and sniper fire in the distance. And like I was a kid, it was nighttime.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: You know, my, my brother was three my younger brother, my little sister was one years old and it was my mom alone because my dad was called outside the country.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: And here’s my mom, you know, with three kids fleeing a war zone and kids are crying and she had no idea what to do such just pushed our heads under the seats and I couldn’t breathe and I was choking.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: And my subconscious mind, obviously, you know, went into shock my nervous system went into shock into into sympathetic overdrive. And because that was never dealt with it was locked it remained locked in my nervous system and was creating all those imbalances for all those years.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Now the skepticism was will happen, something that happened when I was five have anything to do where I am right now. You know, as a grown woman with my career with my relationships with my with my with my

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: With my interactivity with the public world. But obviously, now I know differently. And then when the skepticism subsided took a few months actually for the skepticism to subside and

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: You know I I then went on to do a lot more of the work and the rest is history. You know, and then when my life when my life healed and improved and really really transformed because it really transformed

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: It kind of felt like the next natural thing to do was to start, you know, sharing it with people and then before you know it, that then that transformed into what I’m doing now. Yeah.

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kathygruver: Well, here’s what I love about the story Fe is because you’d have somebody say you were only five. You don’t even know if that memory was real. You don’t know if that actually

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kathygruver: Happened. I don’t give a full. I don’t care.

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kathygruver: It doesn’t matter. I don’t care what story you make up. This is why when I do past life regression people and they said, oh, I couldn’t have been, you know, a slave in Russia. I’m like makeup whatever story you want your

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kathygruver: Subconscious uses

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Symbols it. Yes.

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kathygruver: Images yet uses numbers and archetypes. That’s how we get to the root of these problems. So I love that. I love that you shared that thank you for sharing that.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Yeah.

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kathygruver: It doesn’t matter if you made it up. I mean, if you

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Don’t mind you know and like why why

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Why did the subconscious mind, hold on to that imprint and not another imprint right and that imprint was creating an emotional charge that was that was doing something that wasn’t to my benefit. Yeah. So yeah, it’s been great.

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kathygruver: I love it. Thank you. Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Jason, you thought, well, because that because I was gonna say to i mean it’s it’s um

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Jason Mefford: You know, a lot of times we don’t know consciously or we try to figure out consciously. Why, why am I having trouble in this relationship. Why is this falling apart. Why Why Why Why Why right we go crazy asking ourselves why

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Jason Mefford: There’s a reason it’s usually in that subconscious right that would do. And that’s why using some, you know, some of these things that we talked about on the podcast I can build therapy.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, is one of the ways to be able to access that. And so I think it’s, it’s almost even fitting, you know that you you kind of went from a war zone experience. You know, there when you were four or five to I’m sure your life at 40 probably felt like a war zone to

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Jason Mefford: On the inside, right. And so it’s interesting how that carries forward, you know. And until that block is released.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, you can’t move on because you just constantly feel like you’re you’re in that zone still

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: And the end. And the interesting thing is like I was living you know when we left Lebanon, you know, after a lot of moving around. Eventually I settled down in North America. And I was living in Canada and naturalized Canadian. I mean, you can’t get any more peaceful than a place like Canada.

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kathygruver: Right.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: But yet there was no peace, you know, and this is what I tell all my clients right now. Like, okay, yeah, sure. I was born in an area of conflict. So it’s an obvious.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: conflict situation, but you don’t need to have been born in a conflict to feel lack of peace on the inside and lack of equilibrium on the inside.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: You know, like we all have these things that aren’t resolved on the inside that rob us off internal states of peace and joy and equanimity and equilibrium. Right.

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kathygruver: Well, there’s also this myth that if I only was in a different place. I’d be happy if I only

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kathygruver: Have i’d be happy if oh yeah money, I’d be happy. If only my back work better. I’d be happy and it’s

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Yeah.

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kathygruver: He had that’s the judge. That’s that inner judge the judging that situation. And we have to realize that no matter what is happening outside of ourselves.

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kathygruver: We have to find that peace and happiness and joy inside of ourselves. And that’s a choice, and I agree. I’ve done so much talk therapy and there are so many times you leave going alright well this is the 13th time I’ve talked about my mother. Do we want to get to a resolution on it.

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kathygruver: Like, why am I keeping bring this

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kathygruver: Up if we’re just going to talk around it and not change my inner experience of it.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Yes.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: I mean, you know, there’s definitely a role.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Talk that look there definitely has a lot of benefit. It’s good to understand to have an intellectual understanding and framework of what happened.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: You know, but that’s not going to, that’s not going to resolve your internal experience as we know

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: And this is why you know in the work that we do. You know, I have people that come to me. They’ve been to therapists for 40 years and then after we know the power of the subconscious mind. It’s not any magic that we do, per se. It’s we we facilitate

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Our clients to access those internal states of magic because on the other side of the nervous system that isn’t about stress. That’s where the magic lies.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: That’s where the part of ourselves that can do creativity and problem solving and and happiness and joy and bliss and spontaneous healing.

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Jason Mefford: Well, any you use the term you know quite a bit about conflict resolution right and internal conflict resolution, because you know from the business and I was

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Jason Mefford: In politics for a little while, too. But, you know, usually conflict resolution right is, you know, negotiation conflict resolution, either in a business environment.

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Jason Mefford: You know, we’re negotiating a contract when you know negotiating something we’re trying to get the people to come together, or maybe it’s political

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Jason Mefford: Issues right and coming from the Middle East. I mean, there’s been a lot of conflict resolution over the years trying to sort things out. It’s still no

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Jason Mefford: Sorry. Now,

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Failed

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Jason Mefford: Most, most of it failed and

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Now,

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, but so how did, how to you because because when you talk about that from an internal conflict resolution. How does that kind of look how do we

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Jason Mefford: You know. Cuz, cuz I know I’m guessing a lot of other people might be saying, well, I can understand it when it’s like two people doing it right. But how do you do it with yourself.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Right, so you need you need a system, you need a system and a structured approach right and so after my journey of. And this wasn’t my journey didn’t only just involve hypnotherapy

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: It was a delving into all those internal modalities that bring about healing.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: And the, the, the practices of yoga. Yoga therapy yoga philosophy, the practices of advice have a data and iris and NLP, of course.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Taoism, so on and so forth. So, you know, I’ve done a lot of study in that area in order to bring you know peace and healing and equilibrium to my life and I’ve

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Kind of like drawn together and then coded everything into a structured step by step approach and there’s seven steps to that internal conflict resolution piece. And I’m very happy to share. I actually have a

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Short video looks about like 13 minutes with a viewing guide and the list that lists out all of the steps and your

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: viewers are very welcome.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Very, very welcome to it and basically the seven steps. I like to think of each step as like an actionable thing that you can do right away.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: To take you from where you are to feeling more like you want to feel. And the first one begins. And you mentioned that earlier. Kathy it’s assuming responsibility, you know, it’s so important to

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Actually say, you know, to declare and claim I want something different, you know, and I’m willing to commit to a different outcome. And I’m willing to commit to

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Whatever it takes for that different for that different outcome because there really are no quick fixes. There is no even though these things allow you to

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: magically transform, but it’s not a magical fix, right, you have to take responsibility for it. Yeah.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: The second, the second step is resetting the nervous system. You know, like this is so important because yes we are born with a part of our mind, the part of our brain that does stress.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: For a reason. But we also equipped with another part of the brain that can do the opposite and help us reset, but

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Where we get into trouble, even though we have a very complex nervous system is we override that part of the nervous system that knows how to restoring reset.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: So super, super important, super important to take time to reset the nervous system and that can look like so many things.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: And it doesn’t have to be meditation and it doesn’t have to be yoga, but it needs to be something

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: The other thing is that we need to release the physical tensions from the physical body because you know the mind lives in the body. It doesn’t live between the ears and all we feel

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: You know, when we feel overwhelmed or anxious or when there’s tensions in the mind when we know that the body feels yucky. So sense and constricted and tight and

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: If we’re not doing something regularly to release those tensions from the physical body, they’re going to get trapped, they’re going to get trapped and they’re going to create imbalances in the physical body.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: And when we talk about releasing tensions from the physical body. I mean, that can also take many forms and formats and any type of body work. I’m a big, big

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Fan. And I also teach that in my own work of

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: yin yoga and and she calm, you know, because that’s very good for releasing myofascial you know tensions from fascia myofascial but also the meridians of the body because

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Excuse me, and tapping tapping is another one because, as we know, you know, there’s pressure points in the body that correlate to certain emotional responses.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Excuse me.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: The other one is connecting to resources and by resources. I mean, internal resources and external resources. I mean, we all have

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: inner strength. We all have inner capabilities we all have inner resources that are veiled unexamined untapped into, but we also have resources in our life.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: That can really be quite powerful and really quite uplifting, but we need to spend time to harness those cultivate those and connect to them because

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: A connected brain when your brain and your nervous system are in a zone of connection we know it can’t do the problem behavior. Yeah, because it’s just it’s a totally opposite branch of the nervous system. So the more you can practice connection.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: The more you move away from those troubling states of internal conflict. Yeah.

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kathygruver: Yeah, I just have to jump in on that one.

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kathygruver: I think part of the

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kathygruver: Part of it is spending time in those resources.

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kathygruver: Yeah, it’s like I kind of picture.

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kathygruver: Let lamp National Lampoon’s vacation is one of my favorite silly movies and he’s rushing through the country and he’s trying to see everything and they get to the Grand Canyon. He goes, beautiful, and he goes to get back in the car.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: I

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kathygruver: You have to

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: You have her

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kathygruver: I’m in that resource. You can’t be

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kathygruver: Like okay, and did that one. Okay, you know,

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: I ended do that. Yeah.

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kathygruver: Okay, yeah, but it’s like you have to sit in that resource and actually be in that state for a second.

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kathygruver: Yes. What a drive by resource so

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: No, no, no, no. Because, because, really, the more you spend time in that resource, the more you’re creating new neural circuitry for that resource. So you’re retraining your brain to be that feeling that you want to feel

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: At super, super, super important. And so, the other one is, excuse me, related to stress differently now this is huge.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: This is huge because we have been conditioned to believe and I was one of those people as well. Until recently, we were conditioned to believe that stress is a killer and all stress is bad for you. But that’s not true.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: That is not true now with the new science of stress that’s come out actually of Stanford University and the work of Kelly McGonigal we know that there’s more than one stress response and all the new stress responses actually service fuel, you know, at the challenge response gives us

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Potential to like focus and concentrate at peak performance, you know, right before something that really big that happens of course you feel stressed, but if you can harness it, you can actually reap a lot of benefit peak performance big productivity. So

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Isn’t for like the work that you do with the executive with the executives that you do that piece off related to stress differently can actually be quite life changing because

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Your psychology can change your physiology is what this new size of stress is telling us

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: That when you change your mindset about how you’re relating to stress, you can actually access unique biochemical profiles that correlate to certain unique coping strategies are extremely resourceful.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: But the key is the mindset, right, if you keep going around saying all stress is bad, that are that well, you’re going to cut yourself off from those resources.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: And create additional stress for yourself. Because yes, life is stressful and and and it’s not going to go away but but not all stress needs to be bad. So a big part of the work that I do is around teaching

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Clients to relate to stress differently. And the other one is resolving internal conflicts. Now that looks like basically internal conflict is anything on the inside, that’s blocking you from

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Having what you want on the outside. So of course it’s past experiences. It’s also things like negative outdated programs of thinking it’s limiting beliefs. It’s your values if your values are not in line with

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: The way you’re living your life and it’s phobias. It’s fears, it’s, it’s all of that stuff that internal stuff that that that gets in the way.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Is that seven I saw that you were writing down, Jason.

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kathygruver: As that said, I’ve got, I’ve got

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Six.

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Jason Mefford: All right, so

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Jason Mefford: The one, the ones that I had assumed responsibility. Yes. Right. Reset your nervous system.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Yeah yeah

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Jason Mefford: Least the physical tension.

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Jason Mefford: Yes, connect to resources.

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Jason Mefford: Yes, relate to stress differently. Yeah, and resolve internal conflict. Yes.

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kathygruver: I had lost the physical one. But okay, I thought that was under reset the nervous system.

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Jason Mefford: Let’s Get Physical

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Talk about this every day. I’m drawing. I’m doing. I’m Dr.

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Jason Mefford: No worries. We will will will will put a link to the video to so we can be

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Jason Mefford: Sure to

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kathygruver: Order. So I get that, too. Yeah.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: And and you. Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Next question.

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kathygruver: No, it’s great, though. Yeah, I’ve got list of things to where it’s like a little bit Jason and talking about the internal conflict aspect of this. It’s the ego states. It’s what my

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kathygruver: Condo talked about. It’s what you and I have talked about. It’s that, you know, one part of you wants to, to lay down and sleep. And the other part of us like no, no, no, no, you have to work right now, you have to work right now and you know you know as well as I do. Stress is a perception.

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kathygruver: I do flying trapeze.

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kathygruver: People think that’s terrifying. I think it’s the most relaxing fun thing in the world. So stresses that perception and we all have a different hardiness for stress. We all have a different idea of stress.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Yeah.

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kathygruver: And I remember a client, she called me in a panic. She’s like, I’m getting ready to leave on a trip of can I do 15 minutes earlier. It really helped me and I went okay so she shows up 15 minutes earlier.

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kathygruver: She’s clearly stressed. She’s a basket case I finally, you know, she’s like Oh, thank you so much for changing this. I just have so much to do with it, she was freaking out. And I said, when’s your trip thinking, holy shit. She’s got a rush to the airport right now, next Wednesday.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Oh my god.

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Jason Mefford: A basket case.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Oh,

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kathygruver: My God, but for some reason that for some reason that that triggered her stress and me. I’m so used to traveling. I mean, last year at this time I did seven talks in five cities and seven days.

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kathygruver: That’s a dream come true for me, she was leaving next week and was freaking the hell out and it was just, which also allows us to be more patient because we understand that people find different things stressful. So it’s not only

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kathygruver: About recognizing our own stress. It’s recognizing stress and others and going

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kathygruver: Yes.

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For some reason, don’t get

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Freaking out. And it’s obviously based on their model of the world and their wiring and their, their filters and so on and so forth. And speaking of filters and biases. Now I got the next one which is

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: A huge piece. It’s keeping the negativity bias in check. Yeah, this is massive and that that piece is huge and it’s not just like you know teaching reframing which is very important, but but but a big piece of that is actually

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Reef shaping relationship with technology. This is so big.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: You know, and I have a lot of young kids that come to see me as well young professional starting up their lives, you know, and that over connectivity with social media and

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Technology, it’s not. I mean, we were not designed to live that way our brains were not designed

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: To live with that type of bombardment wasn’t, it wasn’t so you know and and and how do you offset the negativity bias because you’re not going to override it. It’s part of

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Our internal design and it’s there for a reason. But you, we need to find ways to manage the negativity bias. And that’s a big part of the internal conflict resolution because

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: That, by default, that the mind is going to do this and if we keep listening, like I had been for 40 years and you’re going to believe everything that you hear. And because our mind and our body are interconnected. You’re going to feel that negativity in your body. Yeah.

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kathygruver: Yeah, well it’s like we have that negativity for a reason we touch the stove and go oh geez, and you put your head away. You don’t keep it there.

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No.

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Jason Mefford: smell burning flesh was really burning flesh.

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kathygruver: Like that barbecue.

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Jason Mefford: You know,

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kathygruver: And and that’s what that negative emotion is for. So are we in that judge which is going to keep pounding us keeping that hand on the stove.

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kathygruver: Or is it that discernment of I screwed that up. Let’s fix this for next time. Let’s take an opportunity out of this, what we deem as a stressful thing as opposed to just holding our hand on the stove and sitting in those negative emotions. They’re there as a

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Feeling sorry for ourselves. And then the problem is the stove. Right. Or, you know,

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Or the problem is I have a problem.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: But Kathy. But the thing is, you know, we were not talking i don’t i i have to learn this stuff for myself. Like, we’re not teaching this stuff.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: This stuff is not like I have a dream. You know, my background is in education. I was an educator and a teacher trainer before I came to do this work.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: And now I think back to the times all those problem kids that I worked with all the problems situations I had in my career in education. If I knew what I now know that would have played out so differently so so differently. Yeah.

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kathygruver: Always so once again we’re wrapping out of time because this is what we do because so fast. I love this. I could have this conversation all day because

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: My wife like

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Any other

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: We can chat any other time you get your like you guys

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kathygruver: Oh yeah, we’re gonna have to have you back, especially the education component of that because that’s, that’s very fascinating. I’m Jason. Anything you want to say. And then they will talk about how people can reach you.

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Jason Mefford: Well, I think it’s great. I mean, there’s, you know, if you didn’t get them all down to begin with, rewind and go through, but there’s these, these are seven. Great.

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Jason Mefford: Things and kind of this model that you’ve put together for us to think about

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Jason Mefford: You know, and the one that really kind of stuck out to me. So I gotta go download that Stanford Research

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Jason Mefford: Is, you know, relating to stress differently because because when I think about, you know, like it with athletes and the peak performance side of it. You do you channel those emotions in a certain

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Jason Mefford: Hey yeah in realize, well, yeah. Is it going to be a little bit stressful to run the hundred meter in the in the world Olympics. Of course it is. But you channel that

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Jason Mefford: In your performance side of it. So great little thing that I hadn’t

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Jason Mefford: hadn’t quite thought of why

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: I’m so pleased

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: And I’m actually offering a course just on that the new science of stress relief that’s based on that. And it’s a six week live online course if you’re interested. I’d love to have you along and your listeners and

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: So there’s so I’m building a landing page as we speak and but you can. In the meantime, you can find information on the event right and my Facebook page and

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: My Instagram page just my name failure wand and I’m very happy for to extend a discount to you and your listeners for that course. It begins on third of the little first Thursday, November, whatever that is the fourth or

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Whatever that that first that first Thursday off in November and it’s basically I’ve basically taken everything around the new sciences of stress, not just from Stanford University, but also from Dr. Libby Weaver and

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Other modalities and I’ve packaged it into a program that helps you to transform stress, not just manage it, because that’s the key. It’s transforming it

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Jason Mefford: Yeah yeah

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: Yeah, totally.

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kathygruver: Totally beautiful

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kathygruver: You know, it’s

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kathygruver: lookup failed lawanda on Facebook, Instagram,

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: All that makes 10 as well.

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kathygruver: Beautiful, beautiful all those good things. Hey, it was such a joy to have you on

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: The chat. I have you guys. Thank you.

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Faye Lawand-Maclean: So much for having me. Of course, for coming on. Yeah. So great, and have a wonderful lab California and day

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kathygruver: We will thank you.

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Jason Mefford: Beautiful and sunny in California.

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Exactly.

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kathygruver: Hi.

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kathygruver: I’m Cathy Gruber. I can be reached at Kathy Gruber calm.

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Jason Mefford: And I’m Jason method I can be reached at Jason method calm, so go out, have a great week start reducing some of that internal conflict and we’ll catch you on a future episode of the fire and roof podcast. So, yeah.

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Yeah.