In this episode we share a few items we keep around our offices and the meaning behind each one. Not only do you learn a little more about each of us, but each item we discuss ultimately leads to some discussing some tips and wisdom on simple things you can do to unlock your potential.

Learn what a blank check, facial tissue, flosser, and Rodin’s thinker statue have to do with unlocking your potential, and learn a little more about each of us too. There might even be a cameo appearance by the King himself, Elvis Presley 🙂

The Fire and Earth Podcast gives you practical advice and keys to unlocking your potential in life and business, hosted by Dr. Kathy Gruver and Jason Mefford. Real, raw and unscripted.

#fireandearthpodcast #whatsonyourdesk #potential #elvis #elvispresley

Transcript

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Kathy Gruver: Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of the fire on Earth podcast, I’m your co host Kathy Gruber.

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Jason Mefford: And I’m Jason Medford, and since we’re loving these episodes so much. So this is another what’s on your desk.

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Jason Mefford: I know it’s like they kind of start off random but we end up talking about something cool. So again, you know, hang out with this. This is kind of the craziness part of it, but you’re going to learn something from the episode to

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Kathy Gruver: Like, all right, I’ll start. So, um, this is a collection of things and you might be like what okay Kleenex

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Kathy Gruver: flosser lip stuff asthma inhaler. No, you shouldn’t live in my office right except for the fact that I found I would be sitting here on

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Kathy Gruver: My computer doing work, and oh my nose would be running and have to get up and go to the bathroom, come back to the Kleenex, I feel like lip stuff and I have to go find my person and I can’t breathe. I have like so many of my tooth.

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Kathy Gruver: So what I realized is from my productivity.

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Kathy Gruver: Surround yourself with those practical things that you need to get through the day, even if they’re not office supplies are not work related

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Kathy Gruver: There are these personal items that you are going to need through the day, and to go find them, especially because I have a home office, like so many of us do.

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Kathy Gruver: What is that doing to my productivity is that pulling me out of what I’m doing right now and forced me to go find

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Kathy Gruver: A lawyer, find the lip stuff because then what happens is I go, I’ll just do a couple dishes and suddenly 25 minutes has gone by, I forgotten what I’m doing in my office.

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Kathy Gruver: So I keep these practical things around me that I know I’m going to need and that way I don’t have to break. What I’m doing here in my office. So they’re practical hundred Capricorn, but that’s that’s what I got for the first one.

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Jason Mefford: Well, but it’s it’s a great productivity hack for people, right, because

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Jason Mefford: When, when you start to get in the zone and you’re working on a particular thing to get up have to walk, you know, across the House to go and get something is going to take you out of that rhythm.

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Jason Mefford: So it’s funny that you bring that up. This isn’t my thing, necessarily, but on my desk. I have this Orange Bowl. And guess what’s in it. Some lips kind of stuff.

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Jason Mefford: You know, nail files, you know, a little, a little knife, you know, stuff like that, too. So I actually doing the same stuff didn’t even think about that. But there’s see again people. Here’s a great

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Jason Mefford: Productivity hack for you is in one of the things that I’d heard is if it takes you especially if you’re trying to

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Jason Mefford: Create habits or build habits to if if it takes you more than two or three seconds to do something, you’re probably not gonna do it and and

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Jason Mefford: You know, or you end up getting up and kind of breaking your routine. So that’s, you know, again, having stuff like that that you know you’re going to use near you is a fabulous productivity hack.

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Kathy Gruver: Yes. Now, on the flip side of that, just to be contrary to what I just said, please do get up and move every once in a while.

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Jason Mefford: Yes, yes, yes.

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Kathy Gruver: Don’t stay so stropped your desk that hours go by and you haven’t moved because I can do that too, especially I’ve been really pushing the speaking thing and

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Kathy Gruver: You know, doing speaking proposals searching for speaking gigs and I can easily sit her for three or four hours and not move.

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Kathy Gruver: So do make sure you get up, you don’t want to change yourself to the desk. You do have to get up and p and, you know, do all that stuff. Please get up to pee. Don’t do that in your office.

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Jason Mefford: Know bucket in the corner.

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Kathy Gruver: Inventor that did that all you

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Kathy Gruver: Know feedback in the milk bottles. Who was that anyway. That sounds weird but surround yourself.

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Kathy Gruver: They’re going to make your life more productive and easier, but also do make sure you take a break, decent trade. Get up, walk around the room, go do other things. So just to throw that in not to be too strict about the whole don’t get up.

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Jason Mefford: Alright, so, so here’s, here’s my next one I got to get into costume for this here. So just, just, just a minute. For those of you that are watching the video, you’re going to get this. For those of you that are listening audio wise, you’re probably not going to get it. But here we go.

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Jason Mefford: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

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Kathy Gruver: Oh my

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Jason Mefford: I have my Elvis glasses full with, you know, the all the sideburns on him.

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Please.

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Jason Mefford: Falling in love with you. I don’t know. Right. So anyway, I’ve got these Elvis. They’re very goofy Elvis classes. Right.

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But

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Jason Mefford: It reminds me of a couple things. So one of the companies where I was an executive, we used to Halloween was a big thing for us and we would

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Jason Mefford: Forgot we’d have monthly employee meetings at the headquarters as well. And so I I kind of became almost like the corporate clown, if you will, where I would actually dress up and and do some really kind of dorky things

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Jason Mefford: So I use that. Yeah, I know me. Right. But yeah, so I have. I had a fall on Elvis costume with my glasses and everything will

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Jason Mefford: Go up, but it’s a, you know, so it’s it’s kind of a reminder to me of some of that kind of stuff. But, you know, again, tying it back in. On a more serious note, right, I mean we’ve

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Jason Mefford: When, when you look at somebody like that, who’s an Elvis impersonator there’s lots of Elvis impersonators right

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Jason Mefford: But when they get into the role, baby. They’re in the role right and so they they show up and they act just like you know their, their version of Elvis would

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Jason Mefford: We’ve talked about ego, States trying to get into the right ego stage showing up the way that we need to

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Jason Mefford: Sometimes that means, you know, putting on costume or just like an actor would prepare for the role.

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Jason Mefford: Of doing that too. So this also has a meaning for me have to remember to kind of show up and that ego state that need to be able to do whatever it is that I’m I’m doing at the time. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much for listening.

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Kathy Gruver: Everybody, don’t worry.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, don’t worry about it, put it back in the closet. But imagine

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Kathy Gruver: That. And that’s actually great. I’m just, you know, I all about dressing up by a room full of full of costumes, but it reminds us to play.

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah, and I think that’s the other thing is, you know, we’ve held up our little Yoda is in our Miyagi is and you’re all this stuff in it. All of that stuff actually to reminds us to play.

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Kathy Gruver: And I think that’s so missing as adults. And frankly, I kind of missed out on a lot of plays a kid because I was an only child. I was so serious. And I was so into accomplishing things and my to do list, even when I was a little kid.

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Kathy Gruver: That I feel like I missed a lot of that frivolous play that meaningless play wasn’t play for purpose, except for just to play.

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Kathy Gruver: And so to throw in those glasses and play for a couple seconds. That’s a great way to to get out of that seriousness to get out of that to shift states to give yourself a break in order to

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Kathy Gruver: To be more productive. So I think we take breaks and we get silly, a little bit if that’s okay. It’s fabulous.

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Jason Mefford: Well, and it’s actually on a deeper, you know, level, even though I’m kind of a goofy guy.

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Jason Mefford: For me as an executive in a corporate environment, right, you’re usually seen as like this very serious and approachable person as well.

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Jason Mefford: And by me actually kind of showing and, you know, doing a little bit of play and and and you know kind of the self deprecating humor and some other stuff. It allowed me to

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Jason Mefford: Develop a different relationship with the employees in the company.

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Jason Mefford: And and there was some backlash, because some of the other executives didn’t like that I was had those relationships and they didn’t, you know, but it’s like

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Jason Mefford: But I showed up and actually played that way and it developed into actually real connections with people.

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Jason Mefford: So to, you know, if you’re if you’re, you know, business owner, if you’re if you manage people don’t just be that stuffy person who never shows up to play actually let a little bit of your personality out and and and try to connect with people better

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Jason Mefford: Because it makes a huge difference in in the culture in your organization and in your effectiveness with the team that you’re with. So

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Kathy Gruver: Absolutely. Let your soft underbelly can matter.

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Kathy Gruver: So I don’t know. Alright, so, oh so many choices so much cannot her. Um, so I have not ever pulled this off my, this has been up for ages. So this is a blank check

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Jason Mefford: Hmm.

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Kathy Gruver: And I have written to myself.

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Kathy Gruver: To the tune of $5 million and in the memo line. It says, prosperity and grace I wrote this in

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Kathy Gruver: April of 2010 it was now.

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Kathy Gruver: And this has been pinned up on my bulletin board and I see it every day because it’s right. It’s a little bit above eye level, but it’s right by like some account numbers and things like that right to my

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Kathy Gruver: Left. I’ve got a little pegboard kind of thing. And to me, it’s a reminder of that prosperity and abundance and that the universe is

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Kathy Gruver: Generous and we all deserve to have those things we need to have those things we want. So to me it’s just that little paper reminder, because we all know what a check does we’ve all checked. We’ve all received checks, we know, we know what that symbolism is

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Kathy Gruver: Numbers are incredibly potent symbols. They go straight into our subconscious. So every time I look at that and I see those words prosperity and grace. I know that these things are floating to me from the universe. So I’ve had that pinned up there for 20 years or 10 years

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Jason Mefford: Well, and it’s easy to yeah yeah cuz you said it was 2010 right so it’s been 10 years

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Jason Mefford: In the in here. You know, I think it’s, um,

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Jason Mefford: It’s a great thing to. I mean, it’s up on a peg board is kind of like, you know, some of you probably heard about vision boards. Right. And a lot of people talk about vision boards. Well, I have one sitting over here to, you know, that you can’t see, off, off to my right.

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Jason Mefford: But it’s, it’s a, a physical representation of some of those things that we’re trying to, you know, visualize and actually have come into our lives. And I love the idea of the check. I actually have a check, sitting up on mine too.

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Jason Mefford: It was one of those you know anybody that listens to jack Canfield there’s a, you know, great story that jack tells about writing himself $100,000 check and sure enough he didn’t. He didn’t get $100,000 it was 90 some thousand dollars. And he’s like, that’s probably close enough.

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Jason Mefford: But it’s it’s it’s it’s it’s one of those. Again, it’s, it’s

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Jason Mefford: To help us in visualizing some of these things and the reminder like for you have abundance having little things like that in your life that remind you

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Jason Mefford: Even even on a subconscious level. You may not sit and stare at it at your vision board every day for 10 minutes but you’re seeing it out of the corner of your eye.

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Jason Mefford: And your subconscious is picking it up. Whether you realize it or not. So that’s, again, you know,

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Jason Mefford: I think on a on a on a way deeper level for everybody. This is one of the reasons why we’re doing silly episodes like this as well, right, is to help you realize to put things in your life to remind you, or to encourage you to get where you want to be. Yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: Absolutely. Well, and I, I believe that everything that we’re surrounded by influences us. This is one of the reasons and way back, if you remember when we talked about

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Kathy Gruver: To talk to Sarah Caputo and she was talking about organizational psychology and how to set up your space and you know if

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Kathy Gruver: And I actually just recently did this. I went to the store and I got a new kind of calendar thing and I got little Stacie trays.

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Kathy Gruver: Because I’m a pile person. I don’t do file. How do piles, which is fine if they’re organized in such a way so now rather than having piles spread. I’ve got piles stacked

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Kathy Gruver: And I have found it to be so useful to me and I am being so much more productive. So I put those systems in place. So getting rid of the clutter as much as a joke, but having a cluttered desk. To me it’s perfectly ordered

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Kathy Gruver: It works for me to have these things around me. So it’s about setting up your space and putting things in your space that help you move forward, not just a bunch of crap filed around

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Yep, yep.

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Jason Mefford: Alright, so my next one.

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Jason Mefford: Is this little statue. And again, for those of you that are listening audio wise. This is the sculpture. The Thinker that Rodin did

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Jason Mefford: French sculptor and I’ve actually seen. I can’t remember. I believe I bought this one in San Francisco.

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Jason Mefford: There’s several of the thinker statues and different art museums and places around the world. I’ve seen it. I don’t know, three or at least three or four times in person and just got that and and in the reason again is

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Jason Mefford: You know, like, like a silly, silly story right when my kids were little. They listened to Arthur so you know it’s a little cartoon oh cartoon character. Okay.

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Kathy Gruver: Movie with

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Jason Mefford: Oh yeah, no, no, this, this, so the

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Jason Mefford: The cartoon Arthur and in there. There’s a lot of, you know, singing and some other stuff. Anyway, Arthur was, you know, was kind of a smarty smart kind of kid, but there was this one kid in the in it with that they called the brain.

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Jason Mefford: And he was like, you know, the, the Uber smart kid, probably a little bit nerdy my probably can relate to him for a lot of reasons.

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Jason Mefford: But I remember in one of the episodes, you know, they see, he’s like, I have the great brain. Well now engage in my favorite activity thinking

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Jason Mefford: I’m, I’m, you know, it goes through like that. I don’t know. For 20 seconds or something like that. And then at the end. He’s like, Oh, that was very satisfying. Right.

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Jason Mefford: Which is, you know, again, it’s just goofy.

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Jason Mefford: But at the same point. I’ve always been a thinker, you know, if you look at my, you know, my, my Myers Briggs. I’m a TI. I’m a thinker. I’ve always been a thinker. I’m a thought leader, most of what I do.

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Jason Mefford: Is is the result of my thinking, creating new models, creating new content, you know, and doing things like that to where

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Jason Mefford: A lot really a lot of what I what I’ve done, even in my corporate career was required a lot of thought.

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Jason Mefford: And I remember there was an you know another executive whose office was down the hall from mine. And so he always had to walk by my office to go get coffee or go to the toilet or whatever.

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Jason Mefford: And and I remember him walking by one time. And I’m just sitting there and my desk and he stops and he goes, Jason. Do you get any work done every time I come by here. It looks like you’re just sitting there and thinking

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Jason Mefford: And like Bob, you don’t know how much of my job is just thinking like right and and even now you know in in my businesses, a lot of what I do is thinking. And so it’s

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Jason Mefford: You know, again, kind of the reminder to me of, even though it may not seem like quote unquote work to people, most of the work I actually do is in my mind. And in thinking and the things that I create from my mind. So it’s just a another reminder for me for that.

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah. And that actually what that reminds me of what that sparks in me is the fact that we all do things differently.

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Kathy Gruver: And that some people ponder things and then you know after however much time. That is a this finished thing. Whereas, I’m like, let’s do it now. And, you know, all have an idea for a business and 10 minutes later I’ll have a website and

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Kathy Gruver: It just, it all comes to me and I just move on it, and my ex husband was like you. He was he’s a writer. He’s a brilliant writer, he’s actually going to be on the show. At some point, talking about travel and

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Kathy Gruver: Self evolution, that sort of thing. But he would do that he would mention this thing to me and like month would go by and I’m thinking, are you doing anything with that same

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Kathy Gruver: Thing, and it would percolate and it wouldn’t run into me, my very driven Capricorn do itself was like you’re fucking around like are you getting anything done.

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Kathy Gruver: And then like after months that just this full beautiful thing would be there, like he was hiding the flower somewhere and then you pull it out when we like being there was just a whole flower. Yeah, so it was

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Kathy Gruver: It you show me the finger reminds me that we all have different processes and we have to be patient. Only with our own, but others. And I have a fun fact about that statue.

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Jason Mefford: Oh, do

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Kathy Gruver: I do so when I went to Rome I toured the Vatican Museums now. I figured, what am I gonna get back to Rome, when am I going to get back to the Vatican Museum. So I paid for a private tour.

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Kathy Gruver: So it was me and three other women who also happen to be from California, who also happen to be traveling alone and the guide this guide was amazing. She won top guides and how many hundreds of guys are there like three years in a row.

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Jason Mefford: Wow.

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Kathy Gruver: We’re walking through the museum and walking and we got to see things that nobody. She was unlocking doors that nobody else gets to go into. And when we’re in the Sistine Chapel. We were the only ones in there.

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Jason Mefford: Nobody else it’s it’s hard to get in there. I didn’t, I didn’t get in because the waiting line was too long. When

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Jason Mefford: We went

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Kathy Gruver: In after hours. We’re sitting at laying on the floor, looking at the ceiling. She’s talking, we’re doing the video. We’re doing all this stuff you don’t normally get to do. But anyway, we walk past this one statue and I stopped.

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Kathy Gruver: I kind of looked at it and she goes, Kathy. What do you thinking. And I said, I’m thinking that looks like a knockoff of the finger like it’s the same shape. It’s the same this and she goes,

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Kathy Gruver: That used to be when you were studying sculpture. They had these certain forms that you would start with that as a student, then you made something from that base form thinker is one of those

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Jason Mefford: So really the way to

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Jason Mefford: Teach, teach the artists.

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Kathy Gruver: They’d hand them this already somewhat set shape and then you could create whatever you want it from it.

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Kathy Gruver: As a template, basically. And they had another one of these statues that came from the same template as the thinker and she’s like really cool that you notice that nice look I understand patterns patterns. I get. And as soon as I looked at that I went

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Kathy Gruver: That looks like the thinker and I was totally right. It was really cool. So there, however many statues out there that came from basically the same starting point the same template as the thing

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Jason Mefford: The same the same inspiration, right, if you, if you will. And then each artist kind of took that so well and I like what you said to because each one of us is different. I mean, you’re much more of a just jump in and start going

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Jason Mefford: Where, where I’m more of the thinker, but you know as an entrepreneur. I have to learn more, to have

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Jason Mefford: How to balance that more because either one of either one of the extremes isn’t going to necessarily serve you, but I know that that’s my primary disposition, but I still have to get up off my button do something right

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Jason Mefford: Right, I can’t just sit there forever, la, la, la, you know, kind of stuff. I actually have to do something about it, too.

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Jason Mefford: But you know there. There’s a lot of power that can go in from some of the brain or which again is why I geek out on all this stuff because

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Jason Mefford: My main muscle. And I know it’s not a muscle is my brain, right, so I’ve got to do what I can to work my brain. But I’ve also got to temper that with the

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Jason Mefford: action that you take as well and then stop kind of pause reflect on what what happened. Okay, now take the next action and keep kind of moving forward as well. I think that

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Kathy Gruver: I think that’s why we’re such a good Paris. You know when you and I started time. We’re like, let’s do a retreat. And we were like we had planned out and then we kind of stopped and went, Wait.

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Kathy Gruver: Isn’t that sort of the end result. Like, why are we so

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Jason Mefford: We

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Kathy Gruver: Had this like getting into this whole, you know. And then same thing with the podcast. I was like, How’s your podcast and I was ready to like let’s record now and we’re like, wait, wait, wait.

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah, title, we don’t have it, you know. So the two of us work that that yin and yang. So nice together of the thinker and the viewer and the, you know,

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Jason Mefford: Well, and it works out. But it’s even because as we were talking here. I remembered somebody who I’d met. I don’t even remember it was in some social setting that I can’t remember, but they were a ride her

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Jason Mefford: As well and and i remember they were they, I think just gotten out of a relationship.

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Jason Mefford: And and i remember the person saying, you know, if I get into another relationship.

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Jason Mefford: It has to be with an artist kind of person because you know like you were talking about with your ex husband that you know a lot of the creative process for a writer.

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Jason Mefford: Is thinking and it doesn’t seem like work to people who especially work with their hands or a physical more physical in the work that they’re doing.

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Jason Mefford: And, you know, kind of brought up that that was one of the problems in their relationship. And so they recognized and knew that they needed somebody who could understand that when they’re

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Jason Mefford: When they’re sitting around reading something or doing something else. They were actually doing work to prepare for whatever they’re writing

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Jason Mefford: You know, as well, but that that we have to again kind of figure that out but work what the right compromise or the the right compromise is not the right word, the right

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Jason Mefford: Combination collaboration kind of thing with, you know, the different people, especially in a team.

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Jason Mefford: Trying to make sure that your team is complementing each other and you have these various skills or different ways of doing it together. Because when you do, you can be a much stronger team. And if everybody’s exactly the same way.

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Kathy Gruver: Absolutely. And that’s why, and we have not yet had someone on to talk about diversity and inclusion. I actually have a really great guy for that we should have on but that’s one of the things he was saying is when you have different cultures. When you have different

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Kathy Gruver: Sexes when you have different races. When you have different you know all of that lens different perspectives and a balance to a team to an organization that if you have just a bunch of old white guys, you’re going to get a bunch of old white guy decisions.

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Kathy Gruver: Using that as the best example but you know it’s it’s even looking at our government, looking at the Senate and looking at the

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Kathy Gruver: Supreme Court, you know, there isn’t diversity enough to represent this culture yet. Hopefully we’re moving in that direction. Um, but it’s the same thing. It’s like we want to have those different types of of acting people actor actors not actors like performers, but you know thinkers doers.

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Kathy Gruver: All the Myers Briggs stuff there has to be a good combination on that. So I love these episodes.

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Jason Mefford: Alright, so it’s a couple things from both of us and a little you know postulating on the importance of them and how to

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Jason Mefford: You know, but again, like we said before, it’s the one of the reasons why we’re doing this is, you know, try to surround yourself with things that inspire you, that remind you of certain things.

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Jason Mefford: That help you to go and become be that person that you want to be and and unlock that potential that’s within all of us.

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Jason Mefford: So plus you get to learn weird things

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Jason Mefford: About us

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Kathy Gruver: Weird Things

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Kathy Gruver: weird enough

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

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Kathy Gruver: Well, this was fabulous. I’m I’m Kathy Gruber. I can be reached at Kathy Griffin calm.

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Jason Mefford: And I’m Jason method I can be reached at Jason method calm, so go out. Have a great rest of your week and we will catch you on the next episode of the fire and earth podcast. So, yeah.

In this #fireandearthpodcast episode we dig into how using more of our senses when visualizing can make all the difference. Many people have some difficulty visualizing … i.e. closing your eyes but just seeing blackness. Instead of just trying to visualize pictures, image what it would feel like, smell like, and sound like to help activate more of your senses.

Get ready to complete an exercise during the podcast to help you in identifying without judgement to aid in your mindful practices and make it easier to visualize.

The Fire and Earth Podcast gives you practical advice and keys to unlocking your potential in life and business, hosted by Dr. Kathy Gruver and Jason Mefford. Real, raw and unscripted.

#fireandearthpodcast

TRANSCRIPT

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Kathy Gruver: Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of the fire and earth podcast, I’m your co host Kathy gruver

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Jason Mefford: And I’m Jason Medford Hey everybody. Today, let me just kind of give you a little background on what we kind of wanted to talk about

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Jason Mefford: Because you know some of these episodes are honestly is things that we’re learning in our own life, or maybe things that were struggling with as well.

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Jason Mefford: And so we want to bring that and share that with you too. That’s part of the reason why we are doing this right.

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Jason Mefford: Now we’ve talked a lot about, you know, things like visualization, you know, as, as part of helping you to manifest, but

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Jason Mefford: One thing that, you know, especially the last few weeks. I mean, I start noticing when i when i see things or hear things 234 times, that’s a synchronous stick type of thing that I need to listen to

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Jason Mefford: And so, you know, one of one of these things that I’ve been learning more and since Kathy’s really kind of an expert on some of this stuff to we’re going to, we’re going to delve in a little bit deeper on this, but it’s

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Jason Mefford: It’s increasing your kind of sensory aspect to some of the manifestation and visualization

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Jason Mefford: Right and Kathy. I know you’ve you’ve helped lots of people with this. I’m guessing there’s other people like me that have are more literal left brain kind of people and so as we’re sitting here trying to visualize. Again, I don’t see the clear pictures more

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Jason Mefford: Like you do right so

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Jason Mefford: I’m, I’m still trying to somewhat imagine it in my mind, but I, but I have difficulty sometimes just trying to think about just the picture right like I’m watching a movie or something like that.

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Jason Mefford: And like I said, I’ve heard things from a couple of different people and in some of the like self hypnosis kind of stuff that I’ve gone through bringing more senses into it.

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Jason Mefford: And it’s just really, it’s made a difference for me. And so wanted to talk a little bit about that. And then I think we said we might actually do a little exercise on this to try to help people with that so

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah, no, that’s, that’s such a good point. And when I teach meditation. I’ve had so inevitably there’s one every other conference. So that goes

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Kathy Gruver: Like can’t sit still. Okay. We don’t have to sit still, you can do a walking meditation you can do in, bring your body into it. And because I’m a visual kinesthetic

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Kathy Gruver: I love the feeling aspect of that. So there are times during hypnosis session where I might have somebody, you know, I’ll say, you know, reach out

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Kathy Gruver: And open that door and I will actually have them reach out with her hand and turn the knob or there’s a an exercise in hypnosis called the great room.

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Kathy Gruver: Where you’re sitting in a room and it’s surrounded by post it notes or pieces of paper and you know they are things that you want to get rid of. And I will sit there with a tablet of paper.

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Kathy Gruver: Killed a lot of trees doing this but sit there with a tablet of paper and say don’t tear it off and I’ll have them character piece of paper and crumple it and throw it. And, you know, so by the end of the session. There’s paper all over my office so

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Jason Mefford: You’ll actually have them physically do

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Kathy Gruver: Oh, yes. Okay. Because yeah, that was yeah that that grade that gray room that you’re talking about, that was

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Jason Mefford: Actually, one that I went through. In fact, it was yesterday.

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Jason Mefford: That the person actually, you know, walked through the meditation of, you know, you’re kind of it, you’re in this round gray room with a dome ceiling. It’s gray. You know, he did it where it was white and red pieces of

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Jason Mefford: Paper on the wall and so

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Jason Mefford: You know, you try to envision that it’s, you know, I kind of did it more like post it notes.

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Kathy Gruver: Because that’s

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Kathy Gruver: Not what I want to know to a picture, but yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, so, you know, something that you you physically see yourself go up, grab those red pieces of paper and crumpled up. So you’re actually having people physically do some of that stuff to

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Jason Mefford: during the session. Interesting. Okay.

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah, because since the brain doesn’t recognize what we’re thinking about and imagining

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Kathy Gruver: And what’s actually happening you you visualizing stuff happening in your body, or you you know that’s why when we watch movies, we can get so into them because we forget that we’re not actually helping Tom Cruise get the bad guy as

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Kathy Gruver: We wake up in the dream. And we’re like,

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Kathy Gruver: Having sex with my neighbor, you know, because we, our brains, like we did that thing. I actually had a client sit down with me. This was several years ago and he was so upset.

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Kathy Gruver: I thought, Oh my God, what is he about to tell me what did he, he’s like I did something so horrible. I’m like, Okay, what did you do, and he goes, I dropped on had sex with my neighbor’s wife and I think I should tell him, and I’m like, I think you shouldn’t I

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Jason Mefford: Think that’s not going to go to place

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Kathy Gruver: No, that’s not going to go well. But he felt so guilty.

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Kathy Gruver: But his brain thought it actually happened. You know, so our brains are amazing in that way. So actually having somebody do that action, you know, signing that contract over and over again.

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Kathy Gruver: Right. This is why we like writing things down. That’s the kinesthetic aspect of it and again

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Kathy Gruver: Because in fact other episodes. When we write something cursive that loopy stuff. We’re not taught anymore, it goes straight to the subconscious. There’s a connection between the brain and the hand and that writing

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Kathy Gruver: That helps us get stuff done. It’s kinesthetic, and if you go way back in history got sympathetic magic where the tribes, people would actually dress in like deer skins and horns and they would reenact the hunt.

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Kathy Gruver: basically telling the gods, what they wanted. Well, now we know there’s no gods course, actually we don’t know that there could be gods Zeus sitting up there going, haha.

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Kathy Gruver: That they did the sympathetic magic to kind of let the universe know hey this is what we want.

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Kathy Gruver: It actually kind of works because our brains move towards things that we know things that we’re familiar with. So reenacting that thing we want. That’s good. Please over and over again. Our brains are going to be more apt to get us in the position for that thing.

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Kathy Gruver: That was my spiel on that.

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Jason Mefford: Well, this is one of those episodes, too. Right. So everybody that’s watching, not just listening, you’re going to keep seeing my head go down because I’m writing a ton of notes because I’m learning a bunch from this too, so

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Jason Mefford: You know, again, just like Kathy said that, I mean, here’s another thing too is you don’t have to just listen to the podcast. Actually, if you if you

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Jason Mefford: You know, are in a place where you can sit down, take a few notes on this, it’s going to help you remember and incorporate some of this stuff into your subconscious ease here. Yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: Absolutely. Okay. And our brains. Also, and this is the exercise to do an exercise.

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Jason Mefford: Let’s do an exercise.

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Kathy Gruver: So I don’t remember where I heard about this exercise I might have made it up. I don’t know. I don’t remember, but when I went on the when I did my retreat in the Dominican Republic.

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Kathy Gruver: I brought this bag of random objects. And I remember just like walking around my house just grabbing random things. My husband going, what are you doing

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Kathy Gruver: Because it was just random like a golf ball and a

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Kathy Gruver: figurine and a piece of have a pen, and he’s like,

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Kathy Gruver: And I sit for an exercise. So our brains strive to identify things so it needs to label things it labels things good and bad it labels things, you know, scary not scary. It is what our brain does

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Kathy Gruver: And so in mindfulness practices. We don’t want that judgment. We don’t want to label that stuff. There’s just stuff this decides whether it’s good or bad.

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Kathy Gruver: So Jason get a year something within arm’s reach and

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Jason Mefford: I knew. Yeah, so

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Kathy Gruver: Okay, I don’t want to say what it is. Okay, so close your eyes and just hold it in your hand. Okay.

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Kathy Gruver: And I don’t want you to identify what it is.

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Kathy Gruver: Now you know what it is because you picked it up. Normally I would have everyone, close your eyes and just plop something in their hand. So if you’re sitting at home right now. Please don’t do this if you’re driving

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Kathy Gruver: But if you’re at home. Have someone around you put something in your hand, that you don’t know what it is, or just randomly grab something off your desk out of your purse out of your bag and just feel that thing and feel the texture of it.

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Kathy Gruver: Is it smooth, is it rough. Is there a shape to it.

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Kathy Gruver: Kind of roll around in your hands and see what it feels like. And then notice what the way it is. Is it heavy, is it light.

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Kathy Gruver: And see if you can just experience this thing without having to identify what it is, without having to think, Oh, I have a golf ball just be with that object and then kind of rub it on the back of your other hand and how does that feel as that rough. Is it smooth.

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Kathy Gruver: Does it smell like anything.

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Kathy Gruver: Mine doesn’t

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Kathy Gruver: shake it around. Does it make noise tablet on the table with it sound like

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Kathy Gruver: Now here’s the challenge. I want to open your eyes and look at it without identifying it just notice

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Kathy Gruver: What the shadows are what the color is

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Kathy Gruver: Can you see what the texture is just by looking at it.

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Kathy Gruver: Now, we would normally do that for much, much longer. But that’s sort of the exercise is just being with this object without having to identify it without having to judge what it is.

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Kathy Gruver: And it’s really tough because your brain wants to be like, I wonder what this is, because that’s an exercise to someone hands you something and you try to figure out what it is about looking

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Kathy Gruver: The ladies that I was on the retreat with they loved this exercise we did this three times because they found it so challenging and so interesting to try to just experience something without having to judge it without having to name it. So how did you find that Jason

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Jason Mefford: What was interesting because it was, I guess. Sure we do the reveal of what it actually

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah. What are you

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Jason Mefford: I i’m actually holding. It’s a little. It’s a crystal.

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Kathy Gruver: Oh yeah, that’s perfect.

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Kathy Gruver: Like a quartz.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, it’s a, it’s like a pink court so

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: You know, it’s, you know, again, I mean, some of the words. Maybe they were kind of going through my head. It is heavier,

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Jason Mefford: Because it’s it’s it’s pretty good size. I mean, it covers most of most of my palm.

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah, right.

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Jason Mefford: It’s cold.

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Jason Mefford: Right. So even though you know again. I mean, you know, things like rocks, you know, they pick up the heat and everything else. I’m sure if I if I sat here and held it for a long time.

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Jason Mefford: That would get warmer, but it’s it’s cool to the touch, compared with my skin.

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Kathy Gruver: You know,

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Jason Mefford: Being a human at 98.6 it’s it’s it’s four sided

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Jason Mefford: Right, but it’s not

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Jason Mefford: Because it’s kind of like, you know, it’s got a flat 123 sides right

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Jason Mefford: And sharp because the the the edges of it are actually sharp, because it’s not a Polish stone. It’s just, you know, it’s rough

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Jason Mefford: You know, and what you can actually, I guess now as I’m as I’m feeling it, but not looking at it. I didn’t notice before until I looked at it, too. But it’s got a bunch of cracks in it.

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Jason Mefford: Right. Because, because, you know, courts like this usually has kind of some fissures through

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Jason Mefford: It and and now that I see that are identified that you can actually feel where some of those cracks are as well. Right, it’s it’s pointed it’s it is

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Jason Mefford: Rough

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Jason Mefford: Hmm.

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Jason Mefford: Interesting.

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Kathy Gruver: So what that’s trying to do is to be present without judgment.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: Which will help us in our visualization, which will help us in our communication or leadership. I actually just randomly grabbed this little skunk.

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Kathy Gruver: That a friend of mine made she’s the same person that got me the little least oh so when we did the what’s on your desk episode this little guy.

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Kathy Gruver: They got a 3D printer at the company that I do work for. And so she 3D printed me the skunk. And it’s really light and I didn’t. I’ve not really held this before I just stuck it on my desk, it’s incredibly light. It’s got a texture, the entire thing has a texture to it.

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Kathy Gruver: And I think if someone just handed this to me. I could tell it was probably, I don’t know that I would definitely wouldn’t have known it was a skunk, but it’s got a smooth bottom and it’s just got this really cool texture and appointee little nose and it smells like nothing

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Kathy Gruver: But yeah, it’s kind of there’s rough spots and they’re sharp swelling. His little hair is really rough and

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Kathy Gruver: You know, he’s got this point put little points and stuff on the tail. So it was kind of a cool activity for me, even though I was kind of do directing you as well. But I did close my eyes and was doing it along with you.

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Kathy Gruver: I think that’s a great exercise and sometimes when I’m doing longer workshops on the stress reduction, like I’m about to do a three hour workshop I will have everybody do this.

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Kathy Gruver: Because it’s a mindfulness practice, but it also awakens that kinesthetic part of ourselves because so often we go through our day not feeling anything

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Kathy Gruver: And we don’t pause and think about that we can. What are we hearing, you know, what are we, smelling, what, what are we feeling too. And for those of us who are really kinesthetic, I think it’s a great way to tap into that that relaxation response that relaxation techniques sort of thing.

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Jason Mefford: Well, even because you know again like as, as you know when when you’re going through a hypnotherapy session with people, you’re, you’re incorporating a lot more of these things into it right because

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Jason Mefford: Because again, you’re, you’re trying to if you’re doing something where there’s a visualization aspect to it. Right you are, you’re trying to get

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Jason Mefford: You know, and again, for me this was this. This is a little different. Right, I’m learning but you know of incorporating colors. You know, you know, feel the tree bark look up and see how green the leaves are right. So you’re you’re pulling a color into it. So you

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Jason Mefford: Can see what is, you know, see how the wind is moving the leaves. Right. So you’re you’re hearing some of these kind of different things as well. You know, I’m like you said, you know, reach out and

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Jason Mefford: And feel yourself touch the door knob and open the door knob that there’s these little things that the, the more that we incorporate in it’s going to make those those visualizations more lively

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Kathy Gruver: Right.

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Jason Mefford: And it’s going to activate those different parts of our brain.

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Jason Mefford: Because that’s, that’s one of the things, as I’ve

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Jason Mefford: Studied, you know, neurobiology is is there’s different parts of the brain that are associated with each sense. And so the more of the senses.

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Jason Mefford: Like it said, What is your thing.

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Jason Mefford: Smell like. Yeah. Well, that seems kind of weird, right, it was like when Peter said, Jason, what does money smell like. And I’m like, I don’t want to pull out my wallet, right, because I’m literal

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Jason Mefford: But, but when you you know like in that instance, when we were talking with him earlier previous podcast, you know, for him, he was talking about, well, to him money smells like the ocean.

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Jason Mefford: Is money allows him the freedom to be able to walk on the beach and smell the ocean air.

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Kathy Gruver: Right.

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Jason Mefford: And so again, any of those things that we’re doing the more sensory we can we can get in it, I think, the easier it makes us from a visualization and consequently the manifestations side.

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Jason Mefford: So many people are just trying to just see a static movie go on in their head but pulling more of that stuff into it will actually help

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Kathy Gruver: And and we have this debate, all the time, but pretty much all hypnotherapist agree. You can’t have hypnosis without visualization

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Kathy Gruver: Whether it’s, you know, a progressive muscle relaxation, where you’re picturing your, you know, your feet up through your body or you’re walking down the stairs or you’re in the hot air balloon, you know, visualization and hypnosis go hand in hand. And so, for people who

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Kathy Gruver: Quote can’t visualize and there are people that truly cannot see pictures in their head, they can they can experience it without having to see it.

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Kathy Gruver: Because just because you can’t visualize something you still know something like if you can’t visualize and I send you to the store for a lemon. You don’t have to look up what a lemon looks like before you buy it.

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Kathy Gruver: You know what a lemon is you might just not be able to see it in your brain. So

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: And I think we still see it, but it’s not. It’s not like watching a movie or TV.

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Kathy Gruver: Oh no, they can’t see anything.

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Jason Mefford: In nothing at all.

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Jason Mefford: Nope, okay.

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Kathy Gruver: No picture. Like, if I say picture cap. She gets nothing

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Kathy Gruver: Huh, yeah. No, that’s a thing. I can’t hear what it’s called.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah. Cuz there’s there’s very few people though. I think that fall into that right

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah, no, it’s, I mean, there are people visualize well. But no, I had a client who literally cannot see a picture in your head.

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah, if your childhood home. She’s got nothing.

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Jason Mefford: Okay and see for me. I don’t, I don’t see a clear, crisp picture in color, necessarily, but I can, you know, like you said, when you say a lemon. I’m not seeing a lemon. But my mind is still kind of picturing it even though I’m not seeing it. So I think that’s anyway.

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Jason Mefford: That’s where I said, I’m probably down further on that end, but it’s

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Jason Mefford: It’s in, I think, to probably the more that I do it, the better. I’m going to get at it.

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Kathy Gruver: Totally is

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Jason Mefford: Going through an exercise like we just

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Jason Mefford: Did is, is, you know, the more you do things like that, the easier it’s going to be when you know like again if

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Jason Mefford: Let’s say now if you said hey picture pink courts. Well, I just touched that pink courts. Right. And so again, that that physical tactile thing that I did. And going through that exercise my brains programmed what I just saw and learned and it’s bringing back that picture to me.

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Jason Mefford: In my brain.

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah. And one of the there’s something called heavy, light, which you can use either to see how his hypnotize level, somebody is like if you’re doing a stage show, you’ll have the entire audience do this.

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Kathy Gruver: Take someone that’s really suggestible or it’s a great induction is you picture backup rip my head off you picture.

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Kathy Gruver: Book heavy books in one hand and balloons tied to another one. And they gets heavier and heavier and this hand floating higher and higher.

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Kathy Gruver: And your hands actually start to separate because your brain goes oh I’m holding books in a balloon.

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Kathy Gruver: And you have people open their eyes and they’re like, totally. You’re like, oh my god.

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Kathy Gruver: Because your brain is so powerful. So we can picture what those. I mean, I’ve seen people’s bicep. Just go blank. When you say there’s heavy books, you can see the strain and to hold the books up. It’s pretty spectacular. It’s really cool.

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Jason Mefford: So that’s a, that’s a way, like you said, for stage shows for the hypnotist to be able to determine who’s more suggestible

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Kathy Gruver: Yep.

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Jason Mefford: Which is going to actually allow them or greater chance are actually going to go

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Kathy Gruver: Under and be able to

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Jason Mefford: Relate it needs to be done during, during the show.

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah, it’s also an induction. So I’ve done, I’ve gotten clients into hypnosis using that

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Kathy Gruver: So I’ll have you know when when your when your hand with the books touches your lap. You’ll go deeper and hypnosis. I’ll put in the other hand down. It’s also a what we call improver

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Kathy Gruver: It shows you your brains following instructions because if you I can’t be hypnotized. And you do that to somebody in their hands are now like this like

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Kathy Gruver: Oh my god, that’s so cool, you know, or will do you know magic fingers, where the fingers good magnetic fingers closer

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Kathy Gruver: That proves that that shows them that it works.

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Well, and

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Kathy Gruver: It works, you know,

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Jason Mefford: It’s funny because actually, my wife Alli and I, we were going through like a

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Jason Mefford: online program that I got. And she’s kind of going through it to one of one of the exercises was, you know, hold, hold up your hand, you know, everything together.

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Jason Mefford: Hold it out. Close your eyes. Imagine your body sending energy to your hand.

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Jason Mefford: And so you just sit there and think of, you know, or try to imagine visualize energy going to your hand and he’s just sitting there talking, you probably have your eyes closed for maybe 30 seconds as he’s talking and you open your hand, you know, and mine was like this.

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Right.

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Jason Mefford: alleys was actually like. I mean, she was like, oh, you know,

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Jason Mefford: He’s got a lot more energy.

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Kathy Gruver: Than I did necessarily call

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Jason Mefford: Again showed that even though, you know, like you said, those magnetic fingers to the other stuff that

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Jason Mefford: The mind can actually do that.

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Kathy Gruver: Matter. Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: I was doing asleep hypnosis, you know, one time and, you know, they said, open your eyes. But you can’t open them.

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Jason Mefford: Try. Okay, I’m going to try it. It was like, holy crap. I really can’t open my eyes. It’s like I’m trying, and I can’t do it.

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah, well, that’s another one of those prefers and like my adult talks about that, you know, try the harder you try

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Kathy Gruver: The more you realize you can’t open them because to him with his language stuff. He says the word try indicates failure.

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Kathy Gruver: Can you pick me up after work. I’ll try. I’m means you’re probably not showing up. You know, so unless you want

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Kathy Gruver: Someone to fail, especially I’m talking about hypnosis about real life you know you use the word, try, try, try as hard as you try to open your eyes. You just can’t. Your brain goes, Oh, I can’t. Oh, shoot. You’re right, you know,

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Kathy Gruver: What I’m like Mendel’s things we we use trial and hypnosis.

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Jason Mefford: Ah yeah cuz I’ve heard

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Jason Mefford: I’ve heard it from the other side.

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Kathy Gruver: As well.

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Kathy Gruver: The eyes getting stuck shot. Oh my god, that’s so because you’re just like, I don’t know when you see a person like going like this and it’s not

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Kathy Gruver: Working now.

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah, good.

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Um,

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, so I mean I think

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Kathy Gruver: That’s, you know, again, we did

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Jason Mefford: You know, trying to trying to just provide some some tips for people again. Right. So, you know, again, some of you may be

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Jason Mefford: Trying to do visualization trying to manifest certain things in your kind of struggling because you’re you don’t feel like you’re doing it. Try to start incorporating some more sensory type of things into it to make it more

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Jason Mefford: more lively. Because, because, because there’s the other thing I mean like you were talking about before, right, is if if the person is predominantly more of a kinesthetic person as you’re trying to visualize the more kinesthetic

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Jason Mefford: Activates, if you will, that you can bring in, whether that’s physically crumpling up the paper or, you know, seeing yourself touch the doorknob feel the coolness of the door knob, you know, turn it, you know, what does that for 990 to 90 degrees, you know, to open the door, whatever it

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Jason Mefford: Is right each of those things for a kinesthetic person is going to make that more real for them.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, or, or even this

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Jason Mefford: The smelling or you know that one of the things that I’ve heard before you know is, is people talking, are you, you hear background noise and that’s okay. The more background noise you hear the deeper you go right

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Jason Mefford: So yeah, something like that is is something that

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Jason Mefford: That will be more effective for somebody who’s more of an auditory

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Jason Mefford: Kind of person. So, you know, again, if you if you know kind of what your preferences are what I usually say is just try to incorporate as many of them as you

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Jason Mefford: Can

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Jason Mefford: If you don’t know, and even, even if you’re predominantly one, the more you involve the more it’s going to stick in those different places in your brand.

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Kathy Gruver: Sure. Of course. Well, but in reality. If we look at what we’re doing right now we’re touching things we’re hearing things were smelling things were tasting things were sense. I mean, the senses go all the time.

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Kathy Gruver: And smell is actually incredibly powerful one. Because that goes straight to the brain. And a lot of our memories come from smelling something and it’s so funny. My boyfriend. I were finishing up watching the good place.

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Kathy Gruver: Love that love that TV show. Oh my god.

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Kathy Gruver: But one of the episodes. When they get to the good place. It’s it always smells like your favorite thing. And so for cheating, who was a philosopher. He went

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Kathy Gruver: Oh, old books in the library. Any other certain smells just take you back to something right, whether it’s cookies or well

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Kathy Gruver: To me it would be this smell of this sweet grass that I remember, not only from like mowing lawns and Pittsburgh, but also the sweet grass. I remember smelling in England when I was there.

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Kathy Gruver: That would be my happy place smell takes you straight back to something, whether it’s a certain perfume where you’re like, Grandma, you know, I mean, it’s like, that’s

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Kathy Gruver: So we’re surrounded by all that. So in hypnosis and visualization and in in

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Kathy Gruver: Abundance work is real. As you can make it the more apt. It’s going to be to happen. So make it is real bring everything in. And that way it’s gonna you’re going to get more of what you want. I’m still doing this that abundance that 21 day abundance program, we’re almost done.

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Kathy Gruver: But, um, yeah, making these visualizations real for you is, is key.

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah, all right. We blown through our time once again.

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Jason Mefford: So, there again, there’s another tip for you to go out, try, try, you know, something a little bit different because, you know, like we’re all about here. No one thing works for every person. So try some of these different things. We’re bringing your lots of different things on

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Kathy Gruver: Purpose some things

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Jason Mefford: work better for other people.

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Jason Mefford: Than others.

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Jason Mefford: You know, even when Mike Mandela was on

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Jason Mefford: You know, and he was he was talking about the rock star. I mean Mike’s one of the best hypnotherapist in the world and he couldn’t with hypnosis get through to this guy, but the mapping exercise.

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Kathy Gruver: Just like

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Jason Mefford: totally changed. Right. You know, so, so again, try some of these different things. Here’s another one. You know that we’re talking about today, bring in more sensory more more of your senses into the things that you’re doing. And it’s going to make it much more vibrant

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah, and also just in life experiences things on a different level. If you’re not, you know, take something off your desk, and what does it feel like, oh, this is smooth. It’s cold. It’s got some rib.

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Kathy Gruver: That’s it. It’s got a flat bottom. Oh, there’s a little bumps on the ball, you know,

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Kathy Gruver: It’s a white out thing. I don’t need to identify this as a white out container. I just want to experience this thing as a as a thing, you know, without having to label it judge it that’s going to change how you approach every aspect of life as well. So go out, grab grab something not someone

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Kathy Gruver: HR calls

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Kathy Gruver: People

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Jason Mefford: Know, Bob, kill the white out late the white out but not your coworker.

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Kathy Gruver: Was causing problems. We need to go to Bob right for the bombs out there. Okay, well we’re again coming something fun to try go experiment go out, make the world a better place. Okay, I’m Kathy Gruber. I can be reached a Kathy Gruber calm.

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Jason Mefford: And I’m Jason method I can be reached at Jason method calm, so go out, try something new this week and we’ll catch you on the next episode of the fire and earth podcast. See ya.

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Yeah.

Research has shown a strong correlation to what we feel in our bodies and our mind and emotions. Ever been guilty of saying you have a pain in your neck? Often we find out someone or something is the cause of our pain in our neck.

In this #fireandearthpodcast episode we jump into how some of the words that have made our way into language like “pain in the neck,” “pissed off,” etc… actually have something to do with deep set emotions we are feel that get suppressed and stuffed down only to show up as physical symptoms. When we confront and release the emotion often our physical pain goes away.

The Fire and Earth Podcast gives you practical advice and keys to unlocking your potential in life and business, hosted by Dr. Kathy Gruver and Jason Mefford. Real, raw and unscripted.

#fireandearthpodcast

Transcript

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Jason Mefford: Welcome to another episode of the fire and earth podcast, I’m your co host Jason Medford

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Kathy Gruver: And I’m Kathy gruver and I’m sure we’ve all had an experience, Jason. If you’re anything like me, where we’re like, oh gosh, I have a pain in my neck or have a pain in my butt or I

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Kathy Gruver: Have this uneasy feeling in my stomach like I can’t stomach. This or like someone getting under my skin or I have to

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Kathy Gruver: Put that you know the good foot forward or whatever it is. We’ve all had these experiences and we have, I figured out for one of my books like 80 something

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Kathy Gruver: Phrases like pain in the neck pain in the butt. I can’t stomach this weight of the world on my shoulders. There’s a lot of phrases like that that connect a mind in the body. So that’s what we’re going to talk about today.

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Jason Mefford: Well, and I think it’s fascinating because like you said, you know, it’s, it’s, and I’m sure you’ll you’ll talk a little bit about this, but the pain in the neck one I’ve heard this so many times. Right.

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Jason Mefford: If somebody comes in, they’re complaining about pain in the neck and I’ve had this pain in my neck for so long. And then it’s like, well, Who or What Is the pain in your neck.

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Jason Mefford: And so you figure it out. And boom, the pain in your neck is gone, right, because because will

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Jason Mefford: You know, I think we’re pulling some different things. You’ve obviously done a lot of work on this written books on it.

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Jason Mefford: before we started recording. We were talking about Dr Sarno so we’ll probably pull him in a little bit, because you know I’ve, I’ve always had different back pain right and it’s pretty common for people to have back pain.

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Jason Mefford: It’s usually nothing physical. But it’s again it’s this mind body connection. And there’s different places in our body where we hold things and everybody’s different. For me, it’s usually in my back.

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Jason Mefford: Sometimes in my neck but

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Jason Mefford: Usually there’s about two or three places in my back where I feel it.

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Jason Mefford: And those of you listening. You may be the same way. Right. You feel certain places in your body. And, you know, they may become kind of a little bit chronic so we’ll go through and talk a little bit about this and maybe some ways of how you can actually release.

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Jason Mefford: Some of these things.

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah. Gosh, so many stories about that. So the very first one that actually sort of turned me on to this mind body medicine medicine.

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Kathy Gruver: The mind body medicine thing.

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But

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Kathy Gruver: It’s early folks.

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Kathy Gruver: So I had always been into Louise hay and her little blue book where she had these correspondences of

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Kathy Gruver: What was happening in your body and what emotions went with that. I wish I had her book close by, because it is

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Kathy Gruver: such powerful stuff. And I remember even in college flipping through that. Like, I literally circled all the weird things that I had happened.

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Kathy Gruver: And looked at the correspondence and literally every single one. I went. Yep. Lungs asthma grief. Yep. This and the data that I saw. I had a client in my office.

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Kathy Gruver: She was coming for weekly massage. She had carpal tunnel like symptoms. She was not diagnosed with carpal tunnel, but she was clearly having problems.

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Kathy Gruver: This woman so wanted to get better. She was taking her anti inflammatory she was getting massage every week she was doing her stretches she changed her workstation. She was wearing the brace at night. I mean, like she was doing everything right physically

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Kathy Gruver: And after about the third week I was making no headway with her at all. And it was driving me crazy.

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Kathy Gruver: I was all admit taking a little too much responsibility for her healing. It’s like I felt like I could fix her which as a therapist. We can’t do, but

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Kathy Gruver: I was young so I finally I’m working on her arm. And I said, Okay, this is clearly missing something. I said, Tell me again when this hurts.

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Kathy Gruver: She thinks about it for a second. She says, well, it’s when when I’m grasping things when I’m gripping like like drunk hair dryer, because I have trouble lifting a bottle of wine. I thought that was horrible.

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Kathy Gruver: So I

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Jason Mefford: Gotta fix

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Kathy Gruver: To fix that, but I listened to her words. She’s like grab grasp grip. And I thought about it for a second. And I finally said, Well, is there something you’re grasping too tightly. Is there something that you need to let go. And I did that with my hands and she looked at me and she goes,

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Kathy Gruver: I don’t want to let my kids go

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah, and I’m like, whoa, because I didn’t expect her to have an answer or one that profound. And I said, Well, what do you mean

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Kathy Gruver: And she then told me the story about how when she was a little kid, her brother had just gotten his driver’s license at 16. The first time he took the car out by himself, he was struck by a drunk driver and killed never came home.

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Kathy Gruver: And it ripped the family apart. Now I don’t have kids and I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a child, especially in that circumstance. I mean, just how horrible.

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Kathy Gruver: ripped her family apart and now her kids were 15 and a half and 14 and they wanted more freedom and she was terrified let them go.

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Jason Mefford: guessing that they both wanted to get a driver’s license to

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Kathy Gruver: Yes, especially the 15 and a half. It was like, I want to go drive and she’s like, No.

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Kathy Gruver: And I said, Wow, I said, I’m so sorry. That’s so awful. Have you told them this story. And she said, well, they knew I lost my brother, but they never told them how

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Kathy Gruver: And I said, Look, I’m not a therapist. I’m not telling you what to do. I said, but I would suggest you go home and you tell them that I said if nothing else.

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Kathy Gruver: It will explain to them why you have these fears and these concerns, you’re not just going to be crazy overbearing mom explaining to them that there’s reason there’s emotion. There’s deep

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Kathy Gruver: Set emotion behind your decisions. So that’s going to help them understand you more. And she’s like, Oh, that’s kind of an interesting idea. Okay.

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Kathy Gruver: So she comes back the following week, I said, How are you feeling. She goes, oh my god my hands feel so good. And we did this normal therapy and then near the end of the massage. You go, oh,

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Kathy Gruver: I forgot to tell you about last week I said oh what she goes, Well, I really thought about what you said my discuss it with my husband and

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Kathy Gruver: So we decided yet let’s tell the kids so that night after she saw me after dinner.

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Kathy Gruver: She pulled up photo albums and they sat around and she told them about her brother, and she told them very specifically what happened.

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Kathy Gruver: And she kind of teared up and said, you know, this is why I’m so afraid to let you go, cuz I’m afraid you’re not going to come back and they’ll cry together and they have this great moment.

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Kathy Gruver: And from that point forward, her hands started getting better. So she didn’t need to see me every week. It became every other week, then every third week. Then once a month, and I think I saw her. One more time. And I’ve never seen her again.

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Kathy Gruver: I don’t believe that it was 100% emotional but when she cleared that emotional thing when she let that emotion go

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Kathy Gruver: It helped it was the final thing. Now, I do not have a double blind placebo control that says yes, it was her letting go that solved the rest of this problem.

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Kathy Gruver: But it clearly contributed and I have seen this over and over again with my clients when they release that emotion when they acknowledge and

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Kathy Gruver: Process that that aspect of their pain of their discomfort of their sleep issue of all that stuff resolves that’s how I got into all of this, I can thank that woman who

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Kathy Gruver: Listen to what I suggested, and then shared her experience.

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Jason Mefford: But i think that’s that’s a great story.

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Jason Mefford: You know, for what for what we’re talking about here because again you know I

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Jason Mefford: A lot of the time the different pain that we’re feeling in our body. There is some emotional aspect to it.

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Jason Mefford: Right and and there’s different ways to get through it. I mean, for her going home. Having that honest and open conversation with her whole family. Sometimes, all we have to do is verbalize it.

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Jason Mefford: And and and what’s funny. I mean, one of one of the guys that I’ve, you know, heard some of the stuff that he does. It’s like

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Jason Mefford: You know, some of you need to verbalize it doesn’t even necessarily have to be using our language to describe it, but just moving

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Jason Mefford: Your mouth he, I think he has, you know, if you don’t want to actually say something out loud. Just say, talking, talking, talking, or something like that. Some, some kind of word right to where everything is, like, it’s like that character group from whatever

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Jason Mefford: Guardians of the Galaxy or whatever, all the tree says is, I am Groot I am Groot I am group right but we regardless of what is sometimes verbalizing or getting it out helps right i mean

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Jason Mefford: Some of the different therapy options that we’ve talked about on here. You know, like brain spotting hypnosis, some of these other things. It’s trying to get back into that.

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Jason Mefford: You know, for this lady was a big T trauma, right, her brother died unexpectedly, tragically, you know, that’s, that’s something that she is holding on to and until, until she releases that it went dormant for a while, probably right.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, because I’m guessing again. She didn’t have these carpal tunnel like

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Jason Mefford: You know symptoms and tell her children started getting to that age and now all of a sudden that

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Jason Mefford: That emotional experience that

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Jason Mefford: wasn’t fully processed comes back to the surface and it’s like

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Jason Mefford: You know, hey, activate hands are going

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah, there we go. So

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Kathy Gruver: So I have a funny one.

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Kathy Gruver: I had a client come in for his massage and I knew my husband had worked with him, so I knew his work situation. I knew his boss. I knew all this stuff and he came in for his neck, and I said, so here’s the pain in your neck.

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Kathy Gruver: Seriously.

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Kathy Gruver: And he goes from probably my boss. I like yeah it’s typically the boss or the spouse.

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Kathy Gruver: And so I was working on his neck, working on his neck, and I said, so what else is going on. And he goes on, man. He goes, I have this all, sir.

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Kathy Gruver: I said, really. Oh, that’s awful. I said wasn’t feel like, and he goes, Well, I get this burning and then it bubbles up every once in a while. Now I’m immediately thinking anger, frustration, that’s what it says to me, and I said, oh, that’s interesting. I said so.

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Kathy Gruver: So what’s eating at you.

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Kathy Gruver: And he goes, well it’s spicy food. Yeah, no, I know that. But like, what’s what’s eating at you. And he goes, Well, you know, it’s like if I eaten and lay down. He’s so he’s not hearing me

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Kathy Gruver: Mm hmm. And then I finally said, I figured gestures would help right because I didn’t want to tell him what I thought it was I wanted him to kind of get there. So I said, No, no, I know what is what is eating at you.

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Kathy Gruver: And he goes, Oh God, I’m sorry. I totally was totally missing what you were saying I’m tomato sauce onions.

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Kathy Gruver: And he lists all these like okay here’s so not getting this, you still not getting this

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Kathy Gruver: So that was hilarious because it’s like, to me, also kind of have to get there yourself. You can’t be like, hey, what if

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Kathy Gruver: So then fast forward. I have another client he shows up. I said, how’s your body doing. He goes, I have blood in my urine. And I said, Wow, that’s really out of my scope of practice.

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Kathy Gruver: This is not blood and urine, kind of, it’s not on my resume and he goes, I don’t know, I went to the doctors, I get kidney stones, all the time. I’m sure that’s what it is. I went ok

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Kathy Gruver: So I’m massaging HIM AND I KNEW HE WORKED AT THE UNIVERSITY, AND HE WAS CONSTANTLY frustrated. No one could do anything right. Everybody was stupid. You know, fill in the blanks and

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Kathy Gruver: I finally is where I’m massaging them and doing his Mac has he also had a pain in the neck, and I said, So how’s work going. I know you’ve been having some frustrations. They’re not stupid. He just goes on this rant.

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Kathy Gruver: And I said, oh, so

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Kathy Gruver: The blood in the urine thing. And he goes, Oh, yeah, yeah. And I said, so who’s pissing you off.

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Kathy Gruver: He goes, What, and I said, Who’s pissing you off. And he goes, Oh, I see what you’re saying. The blood in the urine. Yeah, yeah. No one’s pissing me off. No one’s pissing me off. And I went, Okay, this is your past. He goes, nope.

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Kathy Gruver: Within 10 minutes he was again back on this rant about how everybody, no one can do anything right. He can’t retire because he wants it gives us full pension and done little and I said, Wow, you sound really pissed. And he goes, yeah, no, no, no, I

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Kathy Gruver: Never thought. There’s just, there’s just, there’s just these the the series of little irritations huh. And I said, oh, like kidney stones.

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Kathy Gruver: And he looks at me and he goes,

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Kathy Gruver: Uh huh. Yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: Well ultimately turned out not to be kidney stones. It turned out to be bladder cancer.

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Kathy Gruver: And he did the smartest thing he could, he quit two years before his full pension two years before the full everything and he did the cancer treatment in this cancer has not come back that I know.

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Kathy Gruver: I am not saying he causes own cancer. I would never say that I have heard health practitioners, say your anger caused your breast cancer. Oh my god, why would you say that to someone dealing with cancer. Now, what I will say,

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Kathy Gruver: Is if you don’t listen to what your body is telling you it will get louder. It’s the little kid in the store that’s yanking on mommy.

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Kathy Gruver: Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy. And then she’s throwing stuff off shelves, because she wants your attention.

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Kathy Gruver: The little things that are happening in your body is a signal that something needs to be addressed. If you ignore it.

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Kathy Gruver: It’s going to get bigger and bigger and bigger, like the crack on the windshield that you swear, you’re going to fix and one day you come out the entire windshield shattered address this stuff when it’s a kidney stone, don’t wait till it’s bladder cancer. Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Well, and it’s funny because, you know, in all three or four of the different examples that you’ve shared there was actually language that goes along with it too. Right.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, you know, you know, urine being pissed off, you know, there’s again another you know term that kind of comes up, well, something in our excretory factors. Right. However, I’m not a doctor but

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Jason Mefford: Some something in that in that area is kind of messed up, which probably led to us coming up with hey I’m pissed off. And that’s where it shows up right in the neck. You know, he’s a pain in the butt.

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Jason Mefford: Yes Gatica

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: You know who’s, who’s the pain in the butt, you know, kind of thing. And what’s funny is that

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Jason Mefford: You know, in the examples that you shared some of the people were still trying to just go left brain analyze spicy.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, right.

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Kathy Gruver: So,

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Kathy Gruver: What

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Kathy Gruver: But, but usually we in I think for me, this is

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Jason Mefford: This is where it’s hard because you know i know this, I get it. And so when I have certain pains in my back. I know I’m holding on to some emotion. There’s some thing probably going on.

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Jason Mefford: I don’t consciously know what it is usually right and so I think a lot of times we may not consciously know what it is, even if we realize, hey, there’s some emotion. I’ve got to work through. There’s some thing I’ve got to cleanse purge whatever word you want to use right

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Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: And so how how how how do I do that or I guess, as you’ve worked with

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Jason Mefford: With people before once you start to recognize this, how, how are some of the best ways for us to try to work through this

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Kathy Gruver: Right. I think it’s important to identify what it is. Oh, it’s this is the last example, it’ll give you because I just, this is what I do all day but I had a gentleman in my office, he was having a lot of low back pain. Now, he was a floor installer.

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Kathy Gruver: Well of course he is. He’s crawling around the floor. He’s in awkward positions. He’s under sinks. He’s trying to lay down tile and all this stuff and he was having pretty bad low back pain, and I don’t do this with everybody.

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Kathy Gruver: But for him. I had this hit of talk about mind body stuff. I don’t do this with everybody. Some people, they just played soccer too hard that weekend you know it.

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Kathy Gruver: was totally logical that is back with her with the job that he has in his age. But I said, hey, I said, you know, just from a mind body perspective is, I just want to throw this out. I said the low back tends to be money issues sex issues and personal support issues.

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Kathy Gruver: He was dead quiet and I’m like, Okay. Either he thinks I’m a crazy person or he’s processing or he fell asleep or he didn’t want whatever he was a brand new client. And after about 20 minutes I hear. Oh.

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Kathy Gruver: I said what you guys I say that what you said it. Okay. And he goes, first of all, which one do you want to start with. I went I as everyone says

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Kathy Gruver: And he said, You know, honestly, I, I’ve really been kind of worried about money.

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Kathy Gruver: And I said, really. And he goes, yeah, if this was during the recession and all this stuff. And he said, yeah. He goes, you know, my client load my customer base is really down because I actually had to let a couple of my workers go

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Kathy Gruver: He goes on. I’m really kind of concerned about it. And I said, oh, he goes, Yeah, I haven’t, I haven’t told my wife.

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Kathy Gruver: And I went, Really, I said, Do you think she’d be upset and he goes, oh, no, we’re total partner. She’s incredibly supportive

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Kathy Gruver: And I said, well, look, I’m not a marriage counselor. I said, I’m not a therapist. I’m not about to tell you what to do.

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Kathy Gruver: I said, But wouldn’t you feel better if you could actually share with her your concerns and you guys can work as a partnership to fix that. He goes, you know, I probably and I should probably do that.

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Kathy Gruver: So I send them off. He comes back for his next massage. And he goes, thank you. I said what he goes I talked to my wife. He goes, I got home that night and I sat her down and expressed my concerns I express my worry

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Kathy Gruver: And she pulled out the book she pulled up the checkbook. She pulled out her savings account we looked at our budget, he said. And we realized that if I don’t get any more clients. This year we’re totally fine.

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Kathy Gruver: So it was that thing that feelings aren’t facts. Do I know that to be true thing, and he was sort of spiraling from that feeling of lack

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Kathy Gruver: And him said sharing with his wife, which he clearly was feeling a little guilty about not sharing with her sharing with his wife looking and actually

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Kathy Gruver: verifying the books because I actually have had my low back about a couple of times, it seems to me when I’m worried about money. And so what I do is I look at my checkbook and my client load and go, Kathy, you’re fine.

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Kathy Gruver: He said, Thank you. That was really cool. He goes, but let me ask you this. I said, What’s that he goes isn’t everybody concerned about money sex or personal support. Why don’t we all have back pain, and I went

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Kathy Gruver: Interesting point. I said, are we suppressing that are we expressing it. Are we dealing with, are we handling it and even dr john Sarno healing your back pain.

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Kathy Gruver: He talks about that. It’s those repressed emotions that anger that you’re stuffing. It’s those emotions. You’re holding on to because emotions are ugly. We’re not taught how to deal with those

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Kathy Gruver: If you put it in your body as physical pain you pay attention to that.

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Kathy Gruver: So I think it’s another way for our body to process stuff out. If we’re not dealing with those emotions. How often have we been stress. Stress. Stress. Stress. Stress. Stress. Stress and then we get sick or we get a headache or we get a stomach problem where we get

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Kathy Gruver: That’s what all of this does. That’s what our body’s trying to do to regulate this stuff.

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Kathy Gruver: So I feel like it was that talking to the woman’s kids. It was quitting the job and getting out of that situation. It was releasing those emotions and dealing with that situation on the physical plane that helps those emotions heal.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, because really it’s it’s about. It’s not that we don’t all experience those emotions.

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Jason Mefford: But if we work through them. They kind of they kind of dissipate.

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Jason Mefford: If we stuff them down if we don’t deal with them, then after a while they will usually end up showing up at different places in our body. Right.

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Jason Mefford: And I think it’s interesting because you talked about, you know, low back pain money sex personal support that’s also your root chakra, you know, area which does have something to do energetically with

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Kathy Gruver: One as well. Yes.

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Jason Mefford: Oh, it’s it’s it’s

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Jason Mefford: It’s, it’s interesting. Yeah, you know, as far as some of these different places in what it is that you know but like you said, We just got to kind of identify it and then kind of go through it. I mean, Dr Sarno you know he’s got a great book healing back, man.

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Kathy Gruver: Right, yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Okay, there’s, there’s also a documentary about him, that’s out. Now that I saw and and you know, just kind of the synopsis of

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Jason Mefford: You know synopsis of his book, right, is that most of the back pain is not something physically wrong, but it’s the stuffing of emotions and what he saw was that there’s a lack of oxygen, getting to those certain

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Kathy Gruver: Parts of your bag.

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Jason Mefford: And because of the oxygen depletion that that’s that’s what’s causing it. That actually if you can increase the oxygen to those areas.

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Jason Mefford: That it’s it actually starts to go away and you work through the emotions or the stuff that comes up and for most of the people that he’s dealt with in his practice over the years, you know, he passed away a few years ago, I believe.

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Jason Mefford: That that tended to be the thing that actually helped them, you know, get rid of it. Whether you know they go to their GP and it’s like herniated disc. We got to go cut on you and all this kind of stuff. But it was it’s as inflammation.

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Jason Mefford: In those parts of your body because of the lack of oxygen.

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: So, you know, against

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Jason Mefford: Well, yeah, good.

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Kathy Gruver: Well, I just say the other thing that he brought up and I don’t remember the number. So I’m going to make them up.

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Kathy Gruver: They looked at 100 people and they did MRI CT X rays of 100 completely asymptomatic people know that pain at all. No back discomfort and something like I’m making this up 50% of them had

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Kathy Gruver: herniated discs. Bulging discs narrowing of stuff. Correct, this and that but zero symptoms. So if you’re starting to have pain somewhere and you go and have this imaging and it shows something

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Kathy Gruver: That isn’t necessarily from the crack the ideation. The bulging, it could be something else, because you have all these other people that have those things, but no symptoms.

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Kathy Gruver: So that’s where Western medicine, kind of, I wish all the problem, it’s this thing and you know what we got on us.

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Kathy Gruver: Was I’m having neck issues and Jason immediately said, What’s the pain in your neck. Well, I’m having some of those right now.

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Kathy Gruver: Now, do I have structural stuff going on. I got a shit ton of structural stuff going my neck is it’s bad folks but

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Kathy Gruver: It can get better with physical therapy with me, figuring out what those emotions are me releasing those emotions. I mean, I fully what I do, you know, so yeah. But this is how we got this idea for the show is I’m having a pain in my neck. It’s not you, Jason.

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Jason Mefford: It’s not me.

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Jason Mefford: It’s that one as well and and you know again for me. Like I said, I get

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Jason Mefford: I get various pains in my back. Right.

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Jason Mefford: You know, and the end there at specific places, you know, one of those places is a little back

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Jason Mefford: You know, but but also you know some some other different areas. And so again, it’s just trying to kind of, you know, recognize it identify it. Try to think about

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Jason Mefford: You know, in for me. A lot of times it’s like, I don’t know what what the emotion is that I’ve got a process through. I don’t know what the, you know, big T little T trauma thing is that I have to work through. I just know there’s something there.

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: But one of the things that I’ve heard and this kind of, you know, goes back to some of the NLP kind of stuff, because I know you’ve actually done some work around NLP to write

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Jason Mefford: Is, you know, the, the question that a lot of times you’ll hear people say you know when when they say, Well, I just don’t know what it is and and the practitioner will say, well, if you knew what it was, what would it be

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Jason Mefford: And use it the first time, people were like, Well, I just told you. I don’t know. Well, I know that. But if you knew what it was, what would it be and asking ourselves questions like that.

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Jason Mefford: Consciously. We don’t know the answer, and sometimes boom right at that point, you’re like, Oh, I get it right. Like when you’re talking to the lady, you know, with the carpal tunnel. I don’t want to let my kids go. She knew, like right away.

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Jason Mefford: Sometimes that happens just like right away. We know, and other times it’s like, I don’t know. Right. So you ask yourself some of those questions kind of self coaching, if you will. And then just let it go. And at some point, your brain is going to tell you what it is.

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Jason Mefford: Right, it might be one of those shower moments or whatever else were just

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Kathy Gruver: Out of the blue.

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Jason Mefford: It’s like, holy shit yeah I’m totally know what this is. Now, right.

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Jason Mefford: You can actually try to deal with it.

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Kathy Gruver: Right. And it’s so funny, what we know and we I think so many times we say, I don’t know. We totally do. We just don’t want to say anything. I was sort of

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Kathy Gruver: Casually when I was at a party, and we were talking. Somehow, it was all women. So we got on sex.

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Kathy Gruver: Because you know that’s what we’ve been talking about. If you didn’t already know.

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Kathy Gruver: And we were talking about like experimentation and like BDS NAM and like all this crazy stuff and the woman says to me, Oh, I just, I just, I’m so comfortable doing that. And I said why

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Kathy Gruver: And she was, well, I don’t know. I said, Yes, you do. Just. Well, I think it’s probably and she goes,

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Kathy Gruver: So the rest of the night, anytime. She’d say, I don’t know, I’d say, Yes, you do. She had an immediate answer.

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Kathy Gruver: Where’s her go to thing was, I don’t know. Yes, you do. What was probably and she would have this the whole thing, you know. So by the end of this conversation when she was ready to go home and put in lingerie for her husband.

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Kathy Gruver: I’m sure me that was

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Kathy Gruver: Blocked because I was talking about things that

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Kathy Gruver: I do anyway.

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Kathy Gruver: And she was like, I can’t do it. Why, I don’t know. Yes, you do. Okay, sure I do, but it was amazing. It’s like she just had to be challenged

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Kathy Gruver: To answer that question, and what is Mike Mandela say pretend and then pretend you’re not pretending, your brain goes well, what

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Jason Mefford: Well, that’s like, because I think that knee jerk reaction to I don’t

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Jason Mefford: Know is

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Jason Mefford: I don’t know consciously is what we mean.

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Kathy Gruver: Right. Well, I don’t want to tell you

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Jason Mefford: Or I don’t want to eat. Yeah, it’s either. I know consciously and I don’t want to tell you or I don’t know consciously

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Jason Mefford: Well, you might not know consciously, but

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Jason Mefford: Subconsciously your brain and your body knows. And so if you’ll actually listen and allow the answer to come back because I’ve even seen this with people. I mean, the power of asking questions.

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Jason Mefford: Is is is great. I mean, that’s where, again, a lot of the value comes from coaching and other things like that is somebody actually asking you the right kind of questions. So you

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Jason Mefford: Can get your own answer. And I’ve seen people that will that will do this for like they’re they’re talking along and they’re like,

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Jason Mefford: Oh. You know that guy that did that back pain book. What’s his name with, you know, I can’t remember. What’s the guy’s name that did the back pain. Oh, sorry. No, that’s right. Okay. And, and just kind of asking yourself. Little things like that.

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Jason Mefford: Ends up, like I said, I’ve seen this in. It wasn’t a coaching. They were just trying to remember but

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Jason Mefford: As as they were frustrated. They couldn’t remember but the minute that they kind of ask themselves that question. Poof.

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Kathy Gruver: It comes out because your brain doesn’t like open loops, your brain doesn’t like mysteries. This is why we can still think about

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Kathy Gruver: From 20 years ago did that that cheat on me or not because we don’t have an answer. So our brains going to keep working on that. That’s why two o’clock, you know, weekly

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Kathy Gruver: was the name of that girl is sitting next to me in English class. Ah, you don’t in two o’clock in the morning, you’re like,

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Kathy Gruver: You know, your brain is going to keep working on that until it figures it out and that can drive us crazy because sometimes there’s no answer. We’ll never know if the guy 20 years ago cheated on us. We will ever know that

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Kathy Gruver: You know, we might, you know,

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Jason Mefford: It doesn’t really matter 20 right

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Kathy Gruver: To our brain, it does because it needs to have closure on that needs to figure that out. Anyway, I don’t think he did and that’s really great. She says hi

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah. So ask yourself those questions, look at the problems that you’re having physically and see what corresponds to that get Louise Hayes book. I love her little book john sorrows book. There’s so many that my book. I have a whole list of course buttons in there.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, you’ve written a few books on this too, so

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah, but I think I came up with 80 or 85 different body language and things that we use now. So it’s kind of fun.

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: So, and again, if this is not, you know, we probably should give a little disclaimer thing to right

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Jason Mefford: I mean, obviously, if you have physical symptoms of stuff you should go see a doctor.

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Jason Mefford: Please, you know, but but like I said, there’s been a lot of research and a lot of things that have come out that a lot of times it’s not necessarily something structurally that’s causing the pain and so

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Jason Mefford: when that’s the case. Again, try some of the different things that we’ve been talking about because they they work for lots of people. I mean, several examples of Kathy’s talked about some of her clients how some of these techniques of help them so

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah, they’re amazing. So we’re not physicians, we’re not a you caused her own pain and disease. We’re not saying never see your doctor again he’s smart people. Come on. But, and if this helps improve everything, even by 10%. Why would you not do that.

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Kathy Gruver: You know, so anyway. So there it is. Go forth examine yourself. Look at your own bodies. See how that’s connected to your mind. Because I guarantee you it is in some way so lovely. I like that was a fun one. Okay. Kathy Gruber. I can receive Kathy gruber.com

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Jason Mefford: And I’m Jason effort. I can be reached at Jason method calm, so go out, ask yourself some questions, work through whatever you need to work through and, you know, get rid of those pain in the neck and pain in the butt and stop being pissed off so much

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Jason Mefford: So here we go.

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Jason Mefford: Sex and go have sex. So you don’t have a lower back pain.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, alright.

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Jason Mefford: And we’ll see you I will

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Jason Mefford: On the next episode of the fire Earth.

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Jason Mefford: Podcast. So, yeah.

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Yeah.

Hoʻoponopono is a Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. The Hawaiian word translates into English simply as correction or “to make double right.” In this #fireandearthpodcast episode we are joined by Mark Lakowske to discuss how this concept of reconciliation and #forgiveness is used in #hypnotherapy.

Too often we try to fight ourselves and instead need to forgive and disassociate ourselves from the problem. When we change ourselves, we change the world around up.

Mark Lakowske is a hypotherapist with Healing Artistry Therapies – Hypnosis and Coaching, that helps people quickly go from stuck to SUCCESSFUL, Anxiety & depression to ACTION TAKER, from hopeless to a HIGH FLYING LIFE!
Learn more about Mark at: https://www.mdlhealingartistry.com/

The Fire and Earth Podcast gives you practical advice and keys to unlocking your potential in life and business, hosted by Dr. Kathy Gruver and Jason Mefford. Real, raw and unscripted.

#fireandearthpodcast

Transcript

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Jason Mefford: Welcome everybody to another episode of the fire and earth podcast, I’m your co host Jason Medford

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Kathy Gruver: And I am Kathy Gruber. And we are so excited to have a another phenomenal guest on the show. I’m not about to try to pronounce. What is gonna be talking about today. So we’ll leave that to him.

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Kathy Gruver: But we’ve got one of my very dear friends, Mark look house key who I know from hip no thoughts live again we have another hypnotist hypnotherapist joining us

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Kathy Gruver: But we’re excited to have Mark So Mark, tell us a little bit about you, your background. And what is that long word you’re going to be talking about

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Mark D. Lakowske: That long word. Well, my name is Mark to the house key, and I am out of Wisconsin. And I know Kathy for quite a long time. She knew me when I had hair.

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Mark D. Lakowske: In a while.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And I work with people here in my office in Wisconsin, but all over the world as well.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And what I’m really passionate about is really helping them to break free from those struggles of anxiety and worry and one of the processes that I use with them is hypnotic whole Ponyo. Ponyo. And sometimes I do say that wrong myself so don’t worry if you get it wrong.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Yes, a job.

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Kathy Gruver: With us

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Oh,

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Mark D. Lakowske: No.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Oh no. Beautiful. Good. That reminds me, the Sesame Street near far

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Jason Mefford: Oh,

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Oh, no, no.

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Mark D. Lakowske: All right, well done.

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Mark D. Lakowske: gold stars for everyone.

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah, so, so, Mark.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Thanks for having me.

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Jason Mefford: So, so what. So what does that mean then right i mean it’s it’s this big long word that’s hard for us to pronounce but

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Mark D. Lakowske: Right.

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Jason Mefford: What does that mean, how, how are you now kind of incorporating that in to help people get rid of this anxiety.

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Jason Mefford: Because everybody everybody feels some anxiety right and

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Mark D. Lakowske: Everyone has it. Everyone has stuff. And, you know, here’s the thing about anxiety. It’s normal, natural, we’re supposed to have it. It’s that

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Mark D. Lakowske: That’s that part of us that keeps us alive and say, if it’s our fight, flight, and freeze, but we are stupid humans, we don’t turn it off. We don’t dial it down.

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Mark D. Lakowske: So, you know, hola Ponyo. Ponyo it translated it means to make right and to make double right

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Mark D. Lakowske: And you know us as healers. Isn’t that kind of what we want to do, that’s kind of our job is to not only help people to make things right for themselves but to make it so right for themselves, that it doesn’t come back.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And so the idea and practice of hope. Ponyo. Ponyo. It’s, it’s old. It’s very, very old. It’s been going back for centuries practice in various different ways. But the whole idea is to basically

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Mark D. Lakowske: Take what you’re dealing with whatever it is and let it go. Let it go with love and forgiveness and surrender to let it go with

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Mark D. Lakowske: Healing and gratitude so that you don’t have to continue carrying that with you the next day.

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Mark D. Lakowske: In one of the earliest practices of it. The idea was to release your troubles to the setting sun and literally cutting that cords between you and it and letting the sun, take that away as it set so that the next day you could start fresh and start new

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Jason Mefford: Okay, so this is this is actually really interesting for me, right, because I’ve been to 48 of the 50 states. I haven’t been to Hawaii. Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Okay, which it sounds like. Again, this word is from Hawaii. That’s right. Yep. And, and one of the things that people talk about that I want to do is when the sun goes down.

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Jason Mefford: On certain of the islands. It’s like the big social thing to do. You grab your beach chair you go out and you sit on the road.

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Jason Mefford: And everybody just sits

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Jason Mefford: There and watches the sun go down.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, so it’s Baikal okay now you know that there’s probably a lot deeper

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Jason Mefford: Reason, probably for that tradition than probably people actually even realized today, but it’s like, wow, yeah. Just let it go. The sun is going down, it’s the end of that day. It’s going to come up tomorrow.

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Jason Mefford: Right, and it’s going to be different because we’ve let today.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Go and tomorrow is a new day that’s giving yourself that opportunity.

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Mark D. Lakowske: For tomorrow to be different as well.

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Kathy Gruver: Well, and I love what you’re saying because I’ve had so many people asked me, you know, what does it mean talk therapy and hypnotherapy nicely look talk therapy has its place. I love it.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: Absolutely. So in terms of talk therapy. You know how many times can you tell that story about your mother before you have to just release that feeling, figure out what the core issue is with that and let it

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Kathy Gruver: Go to great

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Kathy Gruver: Song, as opposed to continue to rehash it

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Mark D. Lakowske: Yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: I’m here with you. That’s that symbolism of almost like that sympathetic magic of

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Mark D. Lakowske: Letting

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Kathy Gruver: Things go, whether it’s through the sunset or whether it’s flushing down the toilet or sitting in the bathtub and as the water drains that feeling.

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah, to and I was triggered yesterday from some past hurt and they literally called a therapist friend of mine and say,

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Kathy Gruver: How do I let go of this past hurt so that it doesn’t affect me on my present and my future relationships and she had this amazing advice, which was, you know, sit down with your new self and your old self, and have a conversation I had to go shape.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: That it reminded me of this letting things go with love and kindness and assuring yourself at the next day. Something is going to be different. So I love to what is the what is the process of doing whoa opponent opponent.

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Mark D. Lakowske: It’s different for everyone. It’s different for every culture throughout the years I learned this process.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Through the school that I went to, for clinical hypnosis and therapeutic coaching and when we did it there.

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Mark D. Lakowske: I loved it. I fell in love with it. But it was just a small piece and I started using with clients. And I’m like, I feel like I’m only getting to the tip of the iceberg with this.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And so I started incorporating more hypnosis into it and I started incorporating more

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Mark D. Lakowske: Visual pieces to it and I started really looking back at the tenets of hope. Ponyo. Ponyo of, you know, I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And really adding that piece a little more largely into the hypnotic component of it so that people can really, really allow themselves to release things

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Mark D. Lakowske: You know the process that I do with people is really about going inside into themselves taking responsibility for having either created or allowing that negative part that they want to release.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And then forgiven themselves for having created or allowed it.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Thinking it for the positive things that it did bring into their life because I firmly believe that no matter what we go through in life that is deemed negative

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Mark D. Lakowske: We are granted some good learning there that we wouldn’t have gotten otherwise. So taking that good stuff from that experience.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Thinking it with gratitude thinking yourself because sometimes when we’re going through things. We’re just doing the best we can.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And people forget that we’re doing the best that we can. So really honoring where you’re at, thanking yourself for being there for yourself in that way at that time.

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Mark D. Lakowske: But now you know better. And now that you know better. You can do better. And then with love just taking that piece.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And releasing it and the way I do it with people is I allow them to represent whatever the problem is

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Mark D. Lakowske: I tell them to have their unconscious mind come up with a picture and image representation that combines all of that stuff that they don’t want

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Mark D. Lakowske: And we allow them to take it from inside of themselves, because a lot of times people think that they are their problems. They’re not their problems.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And so often my clients come in and they’re trying to fight themselves and they can’t fight themselves.

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Mark D. Lakowske: They feel like I am so anxious. I am so depressed. Well, no, you aren’t depressed. You aren’t anxious, you’re not anxiety, you’re dealing with those symptoms, you’re dealing with those problems.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And so what I found with hypnotic whole Ponyo. Ponyo is that people can take those things and move them outside of themselves to just associate themselves from the problem.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And when that can happen healing can be become very, very quickly and very, very easily for them in a way that they didn’t get to experience that before.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And what’s really cool is when they’re able to sever those cords or burn it away, or however they want to represent that releasing what is so cool is you can physically see a physical shift in the person just like that, which is so cool.

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Kathy Gruver: I love that you’re reminding people that we are not our problems we are not we are not our fill in the blank because

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Kathy Gruver: You know, I’m a cancer patients.

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Kathy Gruver: Know,

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Kathy Gruver: You’re a human being that has this thing right now.

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Kathy Gruver: I think so this is this and I have so many people who benefited from the programs. A na all these things, but to say your Brandon alcoholic.

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Kathy Gruver: Yeah, like up part of it. And I don’t want to step on anybody’s toes with if that program has worked for you, great, but that this is

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Kathy Gruver: Lightweight identification with those things.

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Kathy Gruver: Because you’re carrying that around forever. Now, you know, I’m an abused woman I’m a divorced woman I’m a whatever it is you know it’s like we identify with those things that aren’t truly who we are, what we are

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Kathy Gruver: Right being were being having this experience right now. And so I think it’s great that we remind people that we take it outside of them, allow them to process that out.

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Kathy Gruver: This is a phenomenal technique that and this is something we’ve really not talked about yet. Jason I have talked about doing an episode on emotion.

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Kathy Gruver: And this kind of

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Kathy Gruver: In this kind of sense. And we haven’t yet. So this is perfect timing.

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Jason Mefford: But, but it’s interesting too because as as you’re saying things like that, you know, I’m an alcoholic. I’m a cancer patient, whatever, right, that when we do that, we are in fact kind of creating those identity states.

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Jason Mefford: Are the most states that we we have talked a lot about but

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Jason Mefford: But us kind of doing that ruminating over it saying those things. I think that’s a great analogy mark that you said you know it’s like it’s like it’s like we’re fighting each other, you know, you’re a bad person. Because, boom, you know, and we

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Jason Mefford: We kind of hit ourselves with it and you do that enough and you and you kind of create that other egos state within you have that identity that we

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Jason Mefford: So what’s your what you’re really doing, you know, again, like you said, you know, you get in this hypnotic state you go inside yourself. You take responsibility for it kind of process to understand it, thank it

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Mark D. Lakowske: Right.

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Jason Mefford: Because, again, I think that’s, that’s what I was at I was listening to another podcast. This morning, actually. And it was they were talking about, you know, kind of, again, pushing through the pain.

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Jason Mefford: Right being grateful for the pain.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Know,

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Jason Mefford: That a lot of times we forget that there’s there’s something we’re learning from us. So we should be grateful from it.

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Jason Mefford: Right important last step is then release it.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Right. Right. Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, part of the process that I do with people along those same lines, is, you know, I love the person once we have been a disassociation from the problem.

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Mark D. Lakowske: We allow the person then to speak to that part and have a conversation with it and I let them know you know now is the time that you need to lay it all out on the table.

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Mark D. Lakowske: We want to leave with no regrets. So make sure that you say everything that you need to say and explain

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Mark D. Lakowske: To that problem to that part. Everything that you needed to know and you needed to hear and get it out of you and off of your chest.

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Mark D. Lakowske: So that it can truly understand what it’s been doing to you what has been going on in your life because of it that you’re taking responsibility and ownership of yourself and you’re taking yourself back to yourself and that part is no longer needed any longer. So it’s okay to go

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Kathy Gruver: Oh, it’s so good. You’re saying because I’m studying resource therapy or

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Kathy Gruver: Ego soon we talked about the egos so much we had Mike my fellow on for a couple shows who is

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Kathy Gruver: Brilliant. Um, but one of the things in the program that we talk which call those people who have been on our past interjects whether it’s the mean dance teacher or the abuse of uncle or and there’s a whole interject speaks thing where you put that

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Kathy Gruver: Person for lack of the word in the chair opposite of you and you could just say whatever you want. And so because the, the issue that was triggered for me yesterday was whether someone from my past actually had this long.

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Kathy Gruver: Drawn out affair and cheated on me and perhaps got this woman pregnant. Well, I will never know when that actually happened. He the time, could I find him sit them down and say did you do that thing.

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Kathy Gruver: Probably not. Maybe

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Kathy Gruver: Yes or No point in my life would. I would. That loop be closed, and my friend Tina, who we also had on the show was was smart enough to say

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Kathy Gruver: This is just going to be open. You have to find a way to resolve this with yourself. Because even if you talk to that person, you’re not going to be satisfied. So right

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Kathy Gruver: You. How can you sit down with that aspect of you that is still hurt by this are still unsettled about this and solve it from that and it’s

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Kathy Gruver: It could easily put them in a chair and interject have a whole conversation with them back and forth and solve that problem. So it sounds

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Kathy Gruver: Similar to what you’re talking about, which is, I love this. We, we, Jason I get all

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Jason Mefford: synchronicities yeah well because because actually, as we’re as we’re talking about it. It’s almost like

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Jason Mefford: You know, I’m thinking about it, you know, again, you use the word interjects right as far as and again it’s it’s really kind of like these different ego states that we have and it’s almost as if we’re having a compassionate breakup discussion.

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Jason Mefford: With someone right like

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Jason Mefford: Like you know we we’ve been together for a long time. We’ve had some good times. I’ve learned a lot from you but it’s it’s really I’m at I’m at a point in my life right now where this relationship is no longer serving me

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Mark D. Lakowske: Mm hmm.

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Jason Mefford: And so we we need to kind of break it off.

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Jason Mefford: You know I’m grateful.

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Jason Mefford: For what you did. But I’ve kind of moved past this now and I don’t need that anymore.

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Jason Mefford: And you’re not you’re not in your head, barks.

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Jason Mefford: Effectively what we’re doing, but in a hypnotic trance.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Yep.

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Jason Mefford: And kind of speaking to those ego states is word we’ve used a lot on here that people might resonate with of of kind of talking it through it and then we can actually just

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Mark D. Lakowske: And release it.

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Jason Mefford: And like you said, that’s, that’s where a lot of times, you know, those, those physical because both, both of you were shaking your head because you do this for a living. And so you can physically see

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Jason Mefford: The other person change because it’s just as if a weight or something got taken off of them. Right.

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Kathy Gruver: And change their fate. I mean, you can see them just coming on and letting that go, you know, it’s like after you take that task you study for the CTS and you fill in that last bubble and kind of go

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Jason Mefford: Right.

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Kathy Gruver: This like

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Kathy Gruver: This release of that stress.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Absolutely, absolutely. And why I love so much about this particular technique is not only does it work. I call it the Windex of techniques because not only because it works on practically anything, she’s not. It really does. It’s so cool. I mean, I’ve used it.

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Jason Mefford: On your wardrobe. It

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Jason Mefford: Wasn’t in My Big Fat Greek Wedding

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Jason Mefford: Put some Windex on it.

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Mark D. Lakowske: My grandmother was the same way with Pepto Bismarck I had tree sap in my hair at one time and she gave me a big smile.

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Mark D. Lakowske: it loosens that I might

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Mark D. Lakowske: Maybe you put it in your hair but not to drink, but anyway.

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Jason Mefford: It’s hard, and something if you put an

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Mark D. Lakowske: Exact I can’t stand Pepto to this day.

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Mark D. Lakowske: But you know, I really do look at this as a all purpose cleaner. Because really, that’s what we’re doing is we’re taking responsibility for the self.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And we’re going inward to clean up what needs to be cleaned up and you know I’ve used this with people dealing with

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Mark D. Lakowske: Worries and stress and anxiety and depression smoking and all kinds of things. And what I love is it works so great on its own.

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Mark D. Lakowske: But I throw it into other techniques that I’m using to help people clear things inside of other techniques, sometimes we need a little extra own inside the technique or we

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Mark D. Lakowske: Or the client will get stuck in the process of one technique. And so I’ll just transition right into a call upon a porno. And it just clears the way so that we can continue on.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Really nice.

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Kathy Gruver: Yay.

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Kathy Gruver: Oh yeah, kind of

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Kathy Gruver: That emptiness, where we can then add more stuff to it so process out what we didn’t need any more learn from that and then allow ourselves more space. Just like when you cleaned out the closet. You give her all that stuff you’re donating you have all this openness.

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Kathy Gruver: Right, as humans, I have observed just in my own life and and around me, people are uncomfortable with silence, they’re uncomfortable with openness that open space like there’s nothing there.

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Kathy Gruver: My ex husband always used to joke that if there was an open shelf, I would find something to put on it.

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Kathy Gruver: I’m wanting to fill that space. And so often we fill that space out of what out of sense of lack out of the need to distract out of an entity out of it. You know, so, so to sit with that silence and that openness, it sounds like, whoa. A Ponyo. Ponyo and

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Kathy Gruver: Now, having nothing to do with moles

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No.

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Jason Mefford: Well, but it’s

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Kathy Gruver: A lot of animals so

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Mark D. Lakowske: Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Well, we didn’t talk about them all right now. So, at least we got an animal on this.

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Jason Mefford: But

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Jason Mefford: But I think it’s, you know, and that’s an important thing for us to remember, too, because I’m still learning and still on this journey to

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Mark D. Lakowske: The last we all are.

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Jason Mefford: So much of the time we fill ourselves so fall and and the problem is there’s just honestly a lot of shifts at non the cupboard.

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Mark D. Lakowske: You know,

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Jason Mefford: Shelf that we have to get rid of first

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Mark D. Lakowske: Before we can allow that other stuff. And well, and I think

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Jason Mefford: It’s just like spring cleaning, cleaning out your pantry, whatever else right that we do the work, then that abundance and other stuff can then flow into our lives.

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Mark D. Lakowske: We have to do that work first for it to show up. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think sometimes, you know, you know, speaking of clutter. A lot of times when we go throughout our lives we see other people’s taught her that we don’t really

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Mark D. Lakowske: Have any but we don’t realize it’s actually, our clutter. It’s actually our clutter that they’re kind of mirroring and reflecting, you know, Dr.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Hugh lead who really pioneered whole Ponyo. Ponyo in Hawaii, he was working in the Hawaiian state correctional facility, and he was brought into the

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Mark D. Lakowske: The ward that that how’s the worst of the worst. You know, the mentally insane. The, the criminally insane just awful. And he was brought in and he started looking around and he started asking you the question of himself of

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Mark D. Lakowske: How am I contributing to these people being in the position that they are in and he started looking at their clutter as his clutter.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And so what he started doing was he would go into his office every day with their taste files and he would open their case files and go through them.

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Mark D. Lakowske: He didn’t meet with inmates themselves. He just met with their case files and he started looking at them at what they did, how they felt what they were going through and start asking yourself the question, how is how are they me

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Mark D. Lakowske: And so he looked, and he would search inside. Again, that’s going back into self to take responsibility.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And he would take responsibility for that aspect in a man that he saw in himself, and started to say, you know what, I’m sorry.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Please forgive me. Thank you. And I love you, despite all of that and he started doing that with the case files, day after day after day. And what they found was that ward improved fights went down.

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Mark D. Lakowske: outbursts went down violence went down.

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Mark D. Lakowske: There was a saying in that word that the energy of this word is so bad that the paint won’t even stick to the wall so little it peel off and it literally what and he ordered a new paint to be painted in there. And it was the first time in years of the paint actually stock.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And and so he really demonstrated that power of going with in and how energetically we all are really connected and and how we really all are one, we’re not we’re not separate

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Kathy Gruver: I studied a lot this past year was told.

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Kathy Gruver: And what Jesus. He always uses is, you know, you look out at the ocean and there’s these little caps of waves that come up with all those little waves, but we’re part of one big ocean. And how do you separate each wave each

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Kathy Gruver: Grade eek and it’s the perfect analogy because it’s like we’re all one big body of water and we have this little group of the peaks of that water.

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Kathy Gruver: It sounds like that’s, I mean, that’s exactly what you’re talking about is we are all one and they’ve done. I mean, I don’t know how much study, you can do on this, but as people become more enlightened, it sort of brings us all up and all along.

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Kathy Gruver: People that say become enlightened and become present and become holy or whatever word you want to use it carries society, along with that, I hope.

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Jason Mefford: And I, and I think I mean there’s a lot of profoundness actually marketing what you just said. So I want to unpack it a little bit.

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Jason Mefford: Because I got really kind of two big things out of that right is the first one is, you know, like

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Jason Mefford: If you’re seeing other people’s clutter. It’s probably a mirror back on you.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Right.

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Jason Mefford: So, first thing is, you know, some of us may be thinking, well, I know I need to change, but I just don’t know what I need to work on. Okay, so, so stop and start thinking about it this way. Right.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Right.

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Jason Mefford: What are you seeing in other people that are driving you crazy or that you’re, you’re not happy with.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Right.

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Jason Mefford: Because you’re probably mirroring it back. So that’s probably the first area that

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Mark D. Lakowske: You’re starting point.

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Jason Mefford: It’s a good starting point.

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Jason Mefford: Right so so you know it’s it’s one way to help you kind of think about what, what do I need to start working on first.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, because we’ve all got lots of things to work.

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Mark D. Lakowske: On yeah

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Jason Mefford: Absolutely. But there’s maybe one of the, the other one is the

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Mark D. Lakowske: Sound of the overwhelm to

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Jason Mefford: Oh yeah, unless you just kind of focus on and stay in that one.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Yeah, instead of, instead, clean the whole house right now, which is impossible to do all at once with a corner of a room. You don’t even have to start with the whole room. Start with the corner.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Man.

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Jason Mefford: Well, and then the second part to it, too, was was exactly how that doctors experience of I think so much of the time when we see things and other people. We want to help fix the other person.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, but if we fix that in ourself. The other person will get fixed along the way.

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Jason Mefford: Yeah, like you said, his experience was not going out and trying to change those inmates.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Hopefully can’t

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Jason Mefford: Because we can’t, we can’t change. Other people, none of us have ever tried to do

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Mark D. Lakowske: That doesn’t happen.

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Jason Mefford: But it’s but it’s way more effective if we actually focus on changing ourselves. And literally, I mean, there’s that Gandhi, quote, right, you know. Be the change you want to see in the world.

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Jason Mefford: That that that is on so many different levels, but I see that as one of those of being hey energetically and everything else. If you start changing people will start seeing it that

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Jason Mefford: Energy will transfer to other people.

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Jason Mefford: Right and and and you will make the world a better place, not by trying to change the other person, but being that change and changing your being well rub off.

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Mark D. Lakowske: On Oh, absolutely.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Absolutely. You know, one thing I tell my clients all the time. They don’t believe me at first until we’re all said and done, and then they like holy shit you’re right but

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Mark D. Lakowske: I know right. But I always tell them I say, you know, when you change and you’re vibrating at a different higher level now.

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Mark D. Lakowske: The world around you has to change. It cannot stay the same. It has to either now vibrate a different level to match you and meet you, or it naturally falls away.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And either way. Your world can’t be the same because you’re no longer the same

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Mark D. Lakowske: We’re not the same person. We were where we woke up this morning and we’re not going to be the same person you know tonight that we are right now, everything’s always flowing and changing and growing.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And so, you know, I love what you were just saying just now because it’s so true. Our entire world changes what our perspective. Perspective changes.

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Kathy Gruver: And that can be really scary. And it’s not

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Kathy Gruver: Oh yeah crisis of who am I now and I have a very dear friend who is three years out of college and he’s still kind of goes and hangs out with the college things

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Kathy Gruver: But he realizes that he’s like, I can’t go do that anymore. Like, I can’t drive from house to house looking for parties with a bunch of drunk people he goes like this. I can’t do

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Mark D. Lakowske: Well,

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Kathy Gruver: He doesn’t have that. Next thing yet. So I think he feels incredibly lost that identity that he’s had for now six years is gone, and he’s

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Mark D. Lakowske: Going

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Kathy Gruver: I don’t know who I am. I don’t know where I fit in. I’m like, kind of in between adult kid kind of that that awkward space that I remember being

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Mark D. Lakowske: In yeah

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Kathy Gruver: Am I right now with these new people, you know, it’s very scary to let that old stuff fall away.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Because

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Kathy Gruver: When you stop doing drugs. You can’t keep hanging out with your druggie friends.

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Mark D. Lakowske: What are you

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Kathy Gruver: Wearing you’re gonna have to find an entire new hate the word tribe entire new tribe and entire new identity. And that’s really scary and lonely for a lot of people. So get through that awkward growth period of, I don’t know where the fuck I fit in.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Right, no and and you’re right, it is very scary and it is very hard for a lot of people, especially in the start of their journey.

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Mark D. Lakowske: But I think as people progress and they learn. They feel better about themselves and they learn more about themselves.

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Mark D. Lakowske: I think it gives us clues and aspects that we start gravitating towards you know it becomes a part of our present awareness, then

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Mark D. Lakowske: You know that particular activating system that that pulls in all of those experiences and opportunities.

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Mark D. Lakowske: To to match what we’re focusing on starts pulling that in more and more and more. I think so. I think for a lot of people

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Mark D. Lakowske: You know, even though it can be scary at first, those different puzzle pieces will start fitting themselves back into place where they need to go.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And now that they’re more aware of themselves, they’ll be more aware of those puzzle pieces that are putting them back into place.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And then, you know, it’s one of those things. It’s like that stupid old adage, but when the student is ready, the teacher will come. Well, when we are ready. Our tribe will come our hobbies are people or places or things they just show up. Yeah.

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Jason Mefford: I agree. Well, but it did is it that hesitation that

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Jason Mefford: Holds most of us back.

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Jason Mefford: Right, because we like wherever we’re at

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Jason Mefford: Ah, yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: Your change and you all those things are scary for us. And we’ve once again, guess what folks on through almost our whole hour

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Jason Mefford: I know it doesn’t seem like it does it.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Boy, that’s cool.

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Kathy Gruver: So, um, any final thoughts. Jason mark and then we’ll talk about how we can reach you. And I know you’re doing a lot of performing you’re doing a lot of stage hypnosis now to fairs and stuff. So that’s

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Mark D. Lakowske: Yeah yeah

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Kathy Gruver: We’ll cover that in a second. So any final thoughts. Jason or

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Jason Mefford: Well, I was just gonna say, I love the imagery, you know of this as well, you know, the whole Ponyo. Ponyo have to keep looking down every time I say it right but but but that whole you know hang loose Hawaii kind of thing, you know, of just calm the fuck out.

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Jason Mefford: Kind of a thing. Right. And it’s just kind of it. To me, it’s a it’s a great image to kind of think about of, you know, we go through this day.

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Jason Mefford: And and and we stop and kind of go through the steps that you just talked about. Right. You know, we go inside ourselves we

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Jason Mefford: We kind of take responsibility for it, you know, understand what it is. We thank it, we, you know, figure out what we’ve learned and then we release it so that we can start new

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Mark D. Lakowske: Right, right.

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Jason Mefford: And I think that’s such beautiful imagery that you know not to be all cliche ish. You know, like, Annie. The musical this don’t come out tomorrow.

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Jason Mefford: Thing but

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Jason Mefford: That really is true and if we, if we think, you know, if we think in those terms, kind of in that imagery and realize no matter. You know what, maybe today held there is a tomorrow.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And I

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Jason Mefford: The better we can get at, kind of, you know, releasing learning what we needed to start tomorrow as a new day.

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Jason Mefford: It’s just a great reminder, as well as obviously a great therapy, you know, way to help people.

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Mark D. Lakowske: You right yeah and I think one thing that people really need to remember. And what I like to impart to people is that you know dovetailing into what you just said about the sun will come out tomorrow.

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Mark D. Lakowske: It always will. And even when the sky is gray. The sun is always there. It’s just behind the clouds. It’s not God. It’s just hidden and it might be a little harder to see. But it still shines light.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And we have to find those pockets and pools of light and move into those because it’s only when we move into those pockets and pools of light that we can expand our field of vision in our field of awareness.

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Mark D. Lakowske: And one thing people can really do is a very simple way of experience that is just everyday. Take a little moment. Put your hand on your heart.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Think about what’s been bothering you take responsibility for the part that you played in it and just say to yourself, I’m sorry for having created or allowed that part.

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Mark D. Lakowske: I forgive myself for having created and love that part. I thank you for the positive benefits and value that you did bring into my life. I love you. I love myself.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Going peace.

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Kathy Gruver: To end. Alright. So Mark Tell everybody how they can reach you. What is your website.

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Mark D. Lakowske: My brand new website is at em DL. That’s my first three individuals am d l healing artistry.com that’s the easiest and fastest way. Otherwise, but we have on Facebook, all the cool kids are doing it.

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Kathy Gruver: All right, this has been so phenomenal one that

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Mark D. Lakowske: Has been great.

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Kathy Gruver: It’s I love having it’s it’s great because I get to bring people that I know on who are doing such good things in the world and hopefully spread that out a little bit bigger. So this has been an amazing episode once again and I’m Kathy gruver I can be reached at Kathy Gruber calm.

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Jason Mefford: And I’m Jason effort. I can be reached at Jason method calm, so go out

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Jason Mefford: Try to practice some how a Ponyo. Ponyo. Have a great rest of your week and we will see you on the next episode of the fire and earth podcast.

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Mark D. Lakowske: Thank you.

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Mark D. Lakowske: See ya. Bye.