Sometimes I feel like I say the same thing over and over again. Broken record Jason 🙂
Sometime I say too much, and other times not enough (btw there’s an upcoming episode about that).
Have you ever watched a movie, read a book, or listened to music a second, third, fourth time and think… wow I don’t remember that?
If you’re like most people, I’m sure you have.
Repetition is how you learn, and when you hear the same thing at different times it means something different. It applies in a different way to your life context since you are learning and growing every day. You aren’t the same person you were when you heard it the first time.
It’s easy to think “oh, I already heard that” or “I already know that,” but when you do you cheat yourself out of additional growth and learning. You’ve closed your mind and are not open to possibility. You’ve stopped being curious.
I was recently talking to someone who has listened to all of my podcasts multiple times. That just floored me.
But what wasn’t a surprise is I’ve seen this person rise up quickly in their career, and now I know why… they took the time to invest in themselves. Consistent repetition over a six month period gave this person the equivalent of years of additional wisdom.
It’s not about the person listening to my podcasts that made the difference, it is their commitment to their personal and professional growth by taking consistent action that made the difference.
Where do you want to go in your life and career?
Are you the kind of person that is committed to your growth and willing to put in the time and money to change your circumstances?
Where do you want to go and what are you willing to do to get there?
A few questions for you to ponder this week.
When you know where you want to go and are committed to getting there, amazing things happen!
Get a VIP backstage pass and behind the scenes information when you join the VIP Lounge with Jason Mefford: https://www.jasonmefford.com/vip/
Instead of forcing or controlling every aspect of a situation today we have Reshanda Yates on to discuss the art of allowing.
Sometimes through being okay with letting situations play out without overbearing intervention we can end up having better outcomes.
If you feel like perfectionism may be holding you back, then take a listen to this weeks epsiode, because you will definitely find quite a few gems in here!
1 00:00:02.129 –> 00:00:08.309 Jason Mefford: Alright well i’m excited for today’s episode because i’ve got my friend rich shonda Yates, with me and.
2 00:00:09.000 –> 00:00:19.290 Jason Mefford: This episode might go a little bit different you know, a we always never know quite where we’re going right but, but today we want to talk a little bit too about mastering self control.
3 00:00:19.980 –> 00:00:27.570 Jason Mefford: And about the whole idea that a lot of times we’re trying to control and we’re trying to force certain things to happen.
4 00:00:28.110 –> 00:00:37.290 Jason Mefford: But really we’re usually much better served instead of trying to force or control something, but to just allow.
5 00:00:37.620 –> 00:00:45.810 Jason Mefford: And I know it might seem a little counter intuitive so whatever you do listen to this entire episode because you’re going to figure out a big key.
6 00:00:46.320 –> 00:00:55.380 Jason Mefford: That will be able to move you forward in the progress that you’re trying to make and whatever it is that you may be doing so with that let’s roll out episode.
7 00:00:57.480 –> 00:01:02.220 Jason Mefford: All right, we’re shonda will welcome I always love your smile you just make me happy.
8 00:01:04.740 –> 00:01:09.270 Reshanda Yates: Thank you so much, and i’m so glad to be here, thank you for having me.
9 00:01:09.690 –> 00:01:21.450 Jason Mefford: Well, no it’s it’s like I said there’s just certain people that when you see him It makes you happy you’re one of those people for me so i’m honored to actually have you here.
10 00:01:22.320 –> 00:01:33.600 Jason Mefford: Because you know you do some some really good work and and I want to you know talked about you know a little bit about kind of some self control and.
11 00:01:33.630 –> 00:01:34.800 Jason Mefford: Issues so maybe.
12 00:01:35.340 –> 00:01:41.070 Jason Mefford: Just just give people kind of a quick background on kind of how you help people.
13 00:01:41.520 –> 00:02:00.330 Jason Mefford: And then we’re going to tie this in because what we’re going to be talking about today folks is relevant for each and every one of you, we may be using some different examples, but the principles and the tools and things that we’re going to talk about are relevant for you right so.
15 00:02:04.800 –> 00:02:07.080 Jason Mefford: that’s your that’s your that’s your character let’s go.
16 00:02:07.800 –> 00:02:13.830 Reshanda Yates: The first thing I want to say is there was a total universe moment right off the BAT and.
17 00:02:16.050 –> 00:02:23.880 Reshanda Yates: You said that you know, I was one of those kinds of people who who makes who makes other people happy and.
18 00:02:25.980 –> 00:02:27.540 Reshanda Yates: I have to share this.
19 00:02:28.800 –> 00:02:36.780 Reshanda Yates: That not two hours ago I had this idea and It made me go and look at a journal from 1996.
20 00:02:37.800 –> 00:02:53.430 Reshanda Yates: And I read a line and that, so I was in I think six or seventh grade at that time, and one of the lines that I read out of my journal from 1996 was I always wanted to be the kind of person that could make others happy.
21 00:02:54.480 –> 00:02:56.700 Reshanda Yates: i’m about to cry right now i’m.
23 00:03:02.070 –> 00:03:06.390 Reshanda Yates: My backstory yeah I definitely was the person who.
24 00:03:07.890 –> 00:03:09.600 Reshanda Yates: wanted to control everything.
25 00:03:11.130 –> 00:03:15.120 Reshanda Yates: I wanted to I was a classic textbook perfectionist.
26 00:03:16.650 –> 00:03:27.510 Reshanda Yates: um I had no idea that this was a thing until I went on a whole journey which will probably get into today but there’s something called event image managing.
27 00:03:28.710 –> 00:03:30.660 Reshanda Yates: And it’s something that particularly.
28 00:03:31.710 –> 00:03:39.300 Reshanda Yates: You know people who, if you, you know people who struggle with like addictive behaviors or substance addiction, or whatever it is, you know.
29 00:03:40.560 –> 00:03:47.520 Reshanda Yates: um, this is a common thing that you’ll find is this image managing and it was something that I did.
30 00:03:48.450 –> 00:03:57.660 Reshanda Yates: automatically, without realizing I was doing it, and the whole point of it was to control your perception of me to be able to know that.
31 00:03:57.990 –> 00:04:14.400 Reshanda Yates: What you were seeing was whatever image, I thought you wanted to see you know and who knows what that even is but that’s what it really all came down to for me, and so this would show up in my life i’m in a few specific ways.
32 00:04:15.630 –> 00:04:29.370 Reshanda Yates: One of them was i’m controlling my body, and so you know, I was desperate to make my body look a certain way, thinking that if I looked a certain way, then I would be you know valued.
33 00:04:30.240 –> 00:04:43.680 Reshanda Yates: Another way was you know and it kind of goes hand in hand with that was my food, so I you know I became extremely controlling about my diet about what I ate, and so this resulted in yo yo dieting and resulted in binge eating.
34 00:04:44.520 –> 00:04:55.470 Reshanda Yates: It resulted in a lack of presence in my life, because I was so preoccupied and consumed mentally with a cognitive load of trying to keep track of every single bite that I ate.
35 00:04:56.010 –> 00:05:11.970 Reshanda Yates: Or how every single bite might be affecting my body or even you know how do I look from this angle yeah sitting down, and I mean it really is really wild when you really go into all the minute detail of like how much I was trying to manage in my mind.
36 00:05:13.230 –> 00:05:25.440 Reshanda Yates: And then you know we briefly chatted before coming on by you know manifest in other ways too in terms of like my sexual relationships in terms of money, so it was something that more and more i’m seeing.
37 00:05:25.950 –> 00:05:32.550 Reshanda Yates: That you know this idea of the way we do one thing as the way we do everything and so beginning to.
38 00:05:34.650 –> 00:05:40.590 Reshanda Yates: dive into unraveling all those layers of control.
39 00:05:41.790 –> 00:05:51.720 Reshanda Yates: and embracing surrender has been one of the things that’s like the work of my life honestly is really surrendering and letting go.
40 00:05:52.830 –> 00:05:54.060 Jason Mefford: But I think it’s you know.
41 00:05:55.170 –> 00:06:03.840 Jason Mefford: i’m one of those perfectionist to i’m sure that most everybody who’s listening as well right this whole idea of image managing.
42 00:06:04.650 –> 00:06:09.840 Jason Mefford: right that would that we’re that we’re all kind of going through that and we kind of you know, white knuckle.
43 00:06:10.440 –> 00:06:25.200 Jason Mefford: Things because we’re trying to just you know, please, if I look a certain way, then somebody’s going to love me if I if I show up a certain way at work, then i’m going to get the promotion, if I you know.
44 00:06:26.340 –> 00:06:39.990 Jason Mefford: on and on and on and on, thinking that we can actually control those things right, but I kind of got a sense, as you were talking and I could I could feel it a little bit right that, as you were.
45 00:06:40.650 –> 00:06:49.380 Jason Mefford: going through and trying to do all that stuff like you said cognitively that just had to be exhausting to go through that right.
46 00:06:50.370 –> 00:07:02.910 Reshanda Yates: 100% I mean it was so exhausting not only trying to just keep track of all the things that made up my contrived image, if you will.
47 00:07:03.720 –> 00:07:13.410 Reshanda Yates: But also dealing with the fact that no matter what I did someone was always going to be disappointed in me and something that I did.
48 00:07:13.920 –> 00:07:24.000 Reshanda Yates: Like I could never get to that perfect approval that I was always seeking, and so it was always just out of reach, which meant that I felt like I had to work harder.
49 00:07:24.570 –> 00:07:39.360 Reshanda Yates: And this also lead to been meaning trying to control other people as well, so not only am I trying to manage my my self image, but i’m also trying to manage other people’s perceptions of me.
50 00:07:40.200 –> 00:07:50.850 Reshanda Yates: And so that’s a whole other ball of wax and So yes, you know, it was very exhausting and it didn’t work.
51 00:07:52.620 –> 00:07:55.080 Reshanda Yates: But it simply it just didn’t work.
52 00:07:56.190 –> 00:08:01.620 Jason Mefford: On I think I think it’s funny because you know again we’re going to use some different examples as we’re talking about the body image.
53 00:08:02.760 –> 00:08:09.570 Jason Mefford: I think it’s a great one right because again whether whether you’re you know male female doesn’t matter old young.
54 00:08:10.590 –> 00:08:22.920 Jason Mefford: We all kind of have different body image issues right, I mean i’ve i’ve yo yos as well i’ve done good i’ve been you know trim and fit and healthy and i’ve been.
55 00:08:23.430 –> 00:08:30.930 Jason Mefford: You know, technically considered obese, based on the BMI right and i’ve kind of gone back and forth at different points in my life, but I think it’s.
56 00:08:31.470 –> 00:08:38.940 Jason Mefford: You know it’s funny that you that you brought up about that too right because sometimes we’re worried about Oh well, if I weigh a certain.
57 00:08:39.510 –> 00:08:54.960 Jason Mefford: You know if I weigh a certain amount if I look a certain way right and again we’ll just throw stuff out there right everybody who has you know straight hair wants curly hair and everybody that has curly hair straight hair right.
58 00:08:55.500 –> 00:09:02.310 Jason Mefford: Or, or you know, like it’s like sometimes well if i’m thin enough and I look like the models in the magazine.
59 00:09:02.940 –> 00:09:13.950 Jason Mefford: Then everybody’s gonna love me, but then there’s the same person who’s like no I like a curvy woman right so so there’s there’s you can’t please everybody.
60 00:09:14.850 –> 00:09:33.960 Jason Mefford: So if you can’t please everybody, what are we supposed to do and I think this is kind of what you’re helping people do right is what what what do we do if we know that, whatever we do, we can’t please everybody and we can’t really control it anyway what’s our best course of action yeah.
61 00:09:34.260 –> 00:09:39.060 Reshanda Yates: that’s really the question you know, because at the end of the day.
62 00:09:40.740 –> 00:09:47.970 Reshanda Yates: You can’t and you know when I was trying to contort myself into what I thought.
63 00:09:49.740 –> 00:10:14.160 Reshanda Yates: would please other people it just left me feeling frustrated resentful depressed you know I really went through this deep depression and i’m grateful for it because it was because of that that I was led to start um you know seeking healing you know and.
64 00:10:15.420 –> 00:10:15.990 Reshanda Yates: I think.
65 00:10:17.130 –> 00:10:19.770 Reshanda Yates: This is as elite provided people to make.
66 00:10:22.050 –> 00:10:25.290 Reshanda Yates: Because you hear it all the time, you know you hear people say.
67 00:10:26.430 –> 00:10:27.960 Reshanda Yates: Oh, you know just love yourself.
68 00:10:30.000 –> 00:10:36.660 Reshanda Yates: And it feels like such this elusive vague a morpheus concept.
69 00:10:37.770 –> 00:10:48.360 Reshanda Yates: i’m in so but in 2015 specifically I had kind of reached the end of my rope in terms of trying to fix you know quote unquote fix my body.
70 00:10:49.440 –> 00:10:50.880 Reshanda Yates: And I had.
71 00:10:52.290 –> 00:11:02.010 Reshanda Yates: been up and down to my weight, I have been dieting you know, trying to achieve this idea, this what I thought was perfection.
72 00:11:03.060 –> 00:11:12.120 Reshanda Yates: And then I reached the end of my rope I just was like you know what I just can’t do this anymore i’m miserable what’s the point and so just out of desperation.
73 00:11:13.770 –> 00:11:25.950 Reshanda Yates: that moment, I chose to pursue being happy, instead, and I was like you know what what ever happens with my with my body with my weight I don’t care if i’m not happy.
74 00:11:26.400 –> 00:11:36.960 Reshanda Yates: And so I just made that choice, and it was totally a hail Mary you know that, especially from football is like I had no idea that that was going to be.
75 00:11:37.710 –> 00:11:45.480 Reshanda Yates: The best thing I could have done, and so I stopped dieting and I started to.
76 00:11:46.440 –> 00:11:54.420 Reshanda Yates: do exactly that, like just come from this perspective of if I were happy, what would my relationship with food look like.
77 00:11:54.840 –> 00:12:03.630 Reshanda Yates: And so that led over the years to more and more questions that are similar to this like what would my relationship with my body look like, if I were happy.
78 00:12:03.930 –> 00:12:20.040 Reshanda Yates: You know what would my relationship with my husband look like, if I weren’t happy like if I was coming from that perspective, and that was really what I deeply run it at the end of the day, why not just start there, and so that led you on this whole path.
79 00:12:22.230 –> 00:12:27.870 Reshanda Yates: That I never imagined honestly it, you know they never could have dreamed of.
80 00:12:29.280 –> 00:12:40.680 Jason Mefford: And I think it’s it’s ironic right because, like you said, and so again everybody that’s listening, please get this Okay, is exactly what we’re saying is talking about is.
81 00:12:41.400 –> 00:13:02.400 Jason Mefford: The strategy that works right unfortunately what we all think is when I weigh a certain amount, when I look a certain way when I get a certain job when I have a certain level of money then i’m going to be happy right and that ain’t the way it is right, I mean because.
82 00:13:03.930 –> 00:13:15.960 Jason Mefford: We won’t be happy at that point, we have to switch it around right and just be happy and be who we are, then the other things tend to kind of take care of themselves.
83 00:13:16.830 –> 00:13:26.670 Jason Mefford: But it’s but it’s opposite to what most people think right they think when I lose the 20 pounds then i’m going to be happy.
84 00:13:27.990 –> 00:13:36.360 Jason Mefford: But I promise you, you ain’t gonna be happy when you lose 20 pounds if you can’t be happy now you’re not going to be happy that right.
85 00:13:36.990 –> 00:13:44.670 Jason Mefford: And so what you did like you said was kind of a complete shift, and it goes it goes against what everybody says right, I mean how many.
86 00:13:45.150 –> 00:14:02.010 Jason Mefford: weight loss people body image, people are telling you right you’ve got a diet you’ve got to control everything you’ve got to track everything that you do right and, in doing that doesn’t work for most people they they they hold the weight they yo yo.
87 00:14:03.150 –> 00:14:05.970 Jason Mefford: They might lose but yeah it comes right back.
88 00:14:06.660 –> 00:14:08.160 Reshanda Yates: So, so how does.
89 00:14:08.700 –> 00:14:22.080 Jason Mefford: You know the being happy instead right what what does that mean because, like you said, I know that a lot of times and I, and I try to tell people that I get the eyes rolling like what the hell, does it mean you know kind of a thing.
90 00:14:22.080 –> 00:14:22.680 Jason Mefford: right but.
91 00:14:23.400 –> 00:14:38.190 Jason Mefford: What does it mean to be happy, or to love ourselves what are some things that that we can do, because I know you help people do that is to just be comfortable with who we are and happy with where where we’re at right.
92 00:14:39.690 –> 00:14:47.790 Reshanda Yates: yeah so you know, one of the things that you highlighted, from the beginning was this idea of like mastering self control.
93 00:14:48.990 –> 00:14:56.940 Reshanda Yates: And I talked about this, because so many people come to me who think that they need more discipline.
94 00:14:57.420 –> 00:15:10.320 Reshanda Yates: You know, they need more willpower They beat themselves up because the changes that they’ve been implementing aren’t happening fast enough or maybe they had you know, a slip up or whatever it is.
95 00:15:10.890 –> 00:15:21.030 Reshanda Yates: And so, then they tried to like quote unquote buckle down, and this is what I used to do you know I used to think Oh well, i’m just gonna go all in i’m gonna go hard i’m going to be super super you know committed.
96 00:15:21.450 –> 00:15:30.660 Reshanda Yates: Back then, I didn’t understand what even commitment actually meant but, and I really it was really all around this idea, you know I said before, around white knuckling.
97 00:15:31.350 –> 00:15:44.310 Reshanda Yates: Mike I was going to somehow just really you know put all my effort into it, and that was going to get me to do the things that I thought would lead me to you know being happy lose the weight.
98 00:15:45.630 –> 00:15:47.100 Reshanda Yates: You know, be.
99 00:15:48.120 –> 00:15:52.770 Reshanda Yates: What I thought was like socially acceptably attractive and.
100 00:15:53.880 –> 00:16:01.470 Reshanda Yates: What I found was again that really the key came in really letting go.
101 00:16:02.580 –> 00:16:11.040 Reshanda Yates: So when when I talk about letting go it’s going to it’s going to look different for for different people.
102 00:16:12.780 –> 00:16:16.680 Reshanda Yates: But in my life when I.
103 00:16:17.730 –> 00:16:21.510 Reshanda Yates: For example, let go of control of my food.
104 00:16:22.770 –> 00:16:29.520 Reshanda Yates: So and it’s totally counterintuitive but I stopped tracking my food.
105 00:16:30.690 –> 00:16:44.220 Reshanda Yates: And I I just kind of set this intention that you know what my food will take care of itself, you know my body will tell me when to stop eating and I trusted that and then I just ate.
106 00:16:46.170 –> 00:16:54.060 Reshanda Yates: Like I would just eat and I didn’t do I didn’t have any I like oh all the rules that I had you know, some people might be able to relate to this of having.
107 00:16:54.570 –> 00:17:09.450 Reshanda Yates: All of these different rules about you know what eating should look like and what is healthy or not healthy and a lot of times we get into this this i’m good or bad like that’s a good food that’s a badge.
108 00:17:11.070 –> 00:17:21.870 Reshanda Yates: And we’re getting into this like black black and white all or nothing thinking about food, and so, and then we try to control every single aspect of eating.
109 00:17:22.350 –> 00:17:30.660 Reshanda Yates: And what I found was when I actually let go of all of that, when I said that I was going to look up all the rules like i’m not going to have this full of like you shouldn’t be.
110 00:17:30.960 –> 00:17:40.890 Reshanda Yates: Like, for example, eating in front of the TV or you shouldn’t eat Chinese takeout or you know oh it’s bad if you eat a piece of chocolate, or whatever it is, I let go of all that.
111 00:17:42.090 –> 00:17:52.440 Reshanda Yates: And I again I set that intention that you know what my body will tell me when enough is enough and I just stopped thinking about it.
112 00:17:54.000 –> 00:17:56.610 Reshanda Yates: And i’ll never forget.
113 00:17:57.840 –> 00:18:09.240 Reshanda Yates: One day, I decided, I wanted a donut from this like form a bakery and it was like not a normal size donut but they make these huge donuts you know that are like filled with stuff and.
114 00:18:09.600 –> 00:18:14.310 Reshanda Yates: Have decorations and topics and everything is on what excuse me, and I got this down that.
115 00:18:15.150 –> 00:18:23.280 Reshanda Yates: And I was like sitting in front of my computer, so I was breaking all the rules like you know people will tell you like don’t eat while you’re distracted and you know this and that, and all this stuff.
116 00:18:23.850 –> 00:18:31.080 Reshanda Yates: So I was breaking those rules because I had no rules, and I was sitting in my computer typing and working and I had this down I and.
117 00:18:32.910 –> 00:18:34.140 Reshanda Yates: After a while.
118 00:18:35.880 –> 00:18:41.550 Reshanda Yates: I looked up and I realized that my donut had been pushed to the side.
119 00:18:42.960 –> 00:18:50.130 Reshanda Yates: Like I had taken a bite or two of it and I had pushed to the side I had stopped eating it without trying.
120 00:18:51.090 –> 00:19:01.230 Reshanda Yates: Now, the thing to like I didn’t haven’t really gone into this, but I came from a background of extreme binge eating like I could eat an entire pizza and then some by myself.
121 00:19:01.830 –> 00:19:12.750 Reshanda Yates: And i’ve done that you know, and I could put away a lot of food, a lot of calories and I would have this feeling of just being completely out of control, like.
122 00:19:13.500 –> 00:19:25.350 Reshanda Yates: Once I started I couldn’t stop eating and like I wouldn’t know, I was full and I would be stuffed but yet, I would just feel this urge just keep eating and eating and eating.
123 00:19:26.880 –> 00:19:31.170 Reshanda Yates: And to go from that to just.
124 00:19:32.250 –> 00:19:36.060 Reshanda Yates: waking like waking up out of basically you know my.
125 00:19:38.520 –> 00:19:49.980 Reshanda Yates: I don’t know what to call it, but basically just realizing that Oh, you know I just managed my food, but I didn’t have without managing it, you know and so.
126 00:19:50.520 –> 00:20:02.820 Reshanda Yates: When that moment happened that’s the moment that I I recognize that I was free and that word free means a lot to me, because it is one of my highest values freedom.
127 00:20:04.020 –> 00:20:05.040 Mine tonight.
128 00:20:07.170 –> 00:20:15.900 Reshanda Yates: And I didn’t recognize back then, how much food was actually controlling like I might have said that I might have told you that food was controlling my life.
129 00:20:16.170 –> 00:20:23.730 Reshanda Yates: But then, on the other hand, I would rebel I will feel like I was rebelling against myself, so if I said, you know i’m going to use the restraint and i’m.
130 00:20:24.030 –> 00:20:32.850 Reshanda Yates: going to eat this meal i’m not going to go beyond that it was like something in the back of my mind will go how show you and i’m going to go and eat whatever I want you know.
131 00:20:33.750 –> 00:20:39.870 Reshanda Yates: um and I had this huge Aha moment, one day, when I was like wait a minute, you know.
132 00:20:40.620 –> 00:20:57.870 Reshanda Yates: What you want, in your life, you know that you want to be healthy and well you know you want to go and impact people so who’s really in control, right now, you know and so that’s to bring it back down to just concrete things it’s like let go of that control.
133 00:20:59.100 –> 00:21:00.120 Reshanda Yates: see what happens.
134 00:21:00.870 –> 00:21:06.180 Jason Mefford: When I think I think your doughnut story is great too right because.
135 00:21:08.310 –> 00:21:12.900 Jason Mefford: What what’s interesting again right is that we have this illusion of control.
136 00:21:14.250 –> 00:21:20.820 Jason Mefford: My body is going to do whatever it’s going to do, I I my my conscious mind my conscious mind.
137 00:21:21.900 –> 00:21:30.930 Jason Mefford: can’t get it to do anything right it’s it’s gonna just do what it’s going to do now subconsciously some other stuff you know we can.
138 00:21:31.530 –> 00:21:39.780 Jason Mefford: With mind body integration there’s some stuff that we can do as well right but it’s it’s funny like you said, I mean that subconsciously.
139 00:21:40.320 –> 00:21:53.340 Jason Mefford: Your body knew and it distanced the donut from you, you have the couple of bites, but that was really all that you needed or that your body needed or wanted right.
140 00:21:53.760 –> 00:22:01.650 Jason Mefford: And then your body was just able to process and move it away so you know what’s what’s because what’s funny is.
141 00:22:02.040 –> 00:22:15.480 Jason Mefford: You know so many people try to strictly control what they put in their body which is fine right because I mean we should be feeding our at least the best that we know, but the amazing thing is our body just does what it does.
142 00:22:16.500 –> 00:22:26.190 Jason Mefford: without having to think about it right so so you know, one of the kind of mantras that I say to myself is.
143 00:22:27.090 –> 00:22:41.910 Jason Mefford: My body uses what it needs and flushes the rest, you know in that whatever I happened to put into my body, it knows what to do with it right it’s not like I can sit here and consciously go oh I just drink a can of coke so all right body, I want you to.
144 00:22:42.330 –> 00:22:47.490 Jason Mefford: process that Carmel color this way and take care of the high fructose corn syrup this way.
145 00:22:48.150 –> 00:22:53.190 Jason Mefford: It just knows what it’s going to do right and it knows where, to put it, and what to do.
146 00:22:54.210 –> 00:23:10.980 Jason Mefford: it’s nothing that we can control, and so, so what I think is interesting and i’ve heard this not from you, but from other people as well, is that when we focus more on that image and identity and the subconscious work and the happiness and loving ourself.
147 00:23:12.240 –> 00:23:32.040 Jason Mefford: Our body takes care of what it needs to read almost regardless of what we eat, I mean how many how many people, you know, do we know that totally live like completely opposite of what you’re supposed to write it George burns jumps to mind right, you know.
148 00:23:32.040 –> 00:23:33.810 Jason Mefford: The man lived almost be 100.
149 00:23:34.080 –> 00:23:44.520 Jason Mefford: hundred years old smoke cigars like nobody’s business right well he’s not supposed to live that long because he was a smoker right or you know, one of the old guys, who was.
150 00:23:45.030 –> 00:23:53.100 Jason Mefford: Probably like this 97 year old man that would walk in our neighborhood when I was growing up every morning that man had you know.
151 00:23:53.580 –> 00:24:07.170 Jason Mefford: bacon and eggs, and all this stuff that you know that you say you’re not supposed to have oh you’ll die of a heart attack or whatever, but every was you know going on long walks every single day and so.
152 00:24:08.460 –> 00:24:13.560 Jason Mefford: it’s not so much about controlling what we put into our body as much as it’s.
153 00:24:14.580 –> 00:24:18.540 Jason Mefford: Controlling our identity and the state of mind that we’re into seems like.
154 00:24:20.280 –> 00:24:23.070 Reshanda Yates: that’s what I found to be true in my own life.
155 00:24:24.360 –> 00:24:25.440 Reshanda Yates: And I also.
156 00:24:26.940 –> 00:24:31.740 Reshanda Yates: know another example that came to mind I remember on the news when I was little.
157 00:24:32.760 –> 00:24:38.640 Reshanda Yates: The oldest woman, I don’t know was in the world, or was like in the United States.
158 00:24:39.120 –> 00:24:50.610 Reshanda Yates: was on the news they interviewed her and she had lived past beyond the hundred and I can’t remember how old she was by they asked her like Okay, so you know what’s your diet like what do you eat it, she was like mcdonald’s.
159 00:24:52.320 –> 00:24:54.660 Jason Mefford: Three times a day right yeah.
160 00:24:56.580 –> 00:25:03.270 Reshanda Yates: never got that from but you know another thing that sparked as we’re talking.
161 00:25:04.380 –> 00:25:08.220 Reshanda Yates: Now coming back to this idea of like your body is going to do what your body’s going to do.
162 00:25:09.840 –> 00:25:17.520 Reshanda Yates: And so it’s really you know more of you know what is that image of ourselves that we hold you know.
163 00:25:19.050 –> 00:25:30.960 Reshanda Yates: On our awareness and another thing that I that I think really ties into this is like that going back to that self love peace, you know, sometimes we neglect.
164 00:25:32.310 –> 00:25:35.730 Reshanda Yates: The need for pleasure, the need for fun, the need for enjoyment, you know.
165 00:25:36.810 –> 00:25:38.280 Reshanda Yates: And so.
166 00:25:39.870 –> 00:25:46.950 Reshanda Yates: This is something that i’ve really incorporated into my own personal values when when i’m eating because.
167 00:25:49.200 –> 00:25:52.560 Reshanda Yates: You know, maybe my body didn’t need a few bites of a donor.
168 00:25:53.940 –> 00:26:13.980 Reshanda Yates: But it isn’t it okay to give myself, like the pleasure of eating a few bites of it down that you know and so mastery of self control not only allows you to you know i’m not go overboard but it allows you to indulge without guilt.
169 00:26:15.750 –> 00:26:27.750 Reshanda Yates: To be able to have that enjoyment and like so much of my my own personal journey has been about allowing myself to enjoy things to enjoy pleasure like to know that, yes, it’s okay to feel good.
170 00:26:29.400 –> 00:26:32.220 Jason Mefford: Well it’s funny because as you’re saying that you know.
171 00:26:33.480 –> 00:26:43.260 Jason Mefford: I know a lot of times when when people hear the love yourself be happy it’s like what does that mean right, but again so let’s let’s take that example right it’s.
172 00:26:44.010 –> 00:26:53.400 Jason Mefford: Like you know if you’re so strict with yourself and you never allow yourself to have fun you never allow yourself to have a donut.
173 00:26:54.120 –> 00:27:03.870 Jason Mefford: you’ve got all these rules and boundaries, and you know you’re hard on yourself, is that really showing yourself.
174 00:27:04.440 –> 00:27:21.450 Jason Mefford: Love right so again if if if it was somebody else you know if it’s a loved one a child, an animal if you were acting the same way towards that other human or animal.
175 00:27:22.380 –> 00:27:33.690 Jason Mefford: Would that be showing love right so so again we’ll just take a dog right it’s like if you put your dog a strict regimen it’s like no.
176 00:27:34.140 –> 00:27:44.220 Jason Mefford: You can only have you know, half a cup of dry food at this time and then you can have you know Baba Baba by you’re only allowed to drink, you know this much water each day.
177 00:27:44.820 –> 00:27:51.990 Jason Mefford: And if you go over there, and you look like you’re you know you’re wanting to do something else i’m going to reach over and i’m going to smack yeah or whatever it is right.
178 00:27:52.680 –> 00:28:02.670 Jason Mefford: If we’re trying to control, animals or humans in the same way that we tend to want to control ourselves, are we really loving herself.
179 00:28:03.870 –> 00:28:24.360 Jason Mefford: isn’t it more love to allow yourself to have a couple of bites a donut and then you said to decide right, but you get that pleasure, you have the fine or you know you do some of that other stuff that’s more actually showing love than by what the right word is by depriving.
180 00:28:25.860 –> 00:28:32.670 Jason Mefford: us right would you deprive someone that you love of something that made them happy.
181 00:28:34.110 –> 00:28:35.640 Jason Mefford: But yeah we would do it to herself.
182 00:28:37.470 –> 00:28:42.060 Reshanda Yates: And so interesting and it’s you know, the first thing that.
183 00:28:43.380 –> 00:28:51.330 Reshanda Yates: People want the women that I work with they tend to be people who binge eat company and it tends to feel like it’s this.
184 00:28:52.620 –> 00:29:00.180 Reshanda Yates: Almost out of control habitual compulsion and so the thing that pops up in my mind as of channeling them.
185 00:29:00.540 –> 00:29:10.290 Reshanda Yates: Is Oh, but if I allow myself to have some i’m just gonna you know, is it loving to just like the eat this stuff and i’m going to go crazy i’m going to go out of control, you don’t lose control.
186 00:29:12.600 –> 00:29:14.160 Reshanda Yates: that’s coming back to the surrender.
187 00:29:15.720 –> 00:29:27.030 Reshanda Yates: And it’s not it doesn’t feel comfortable efforts, and I think that’s The thing that people get into resistance.
188 00:29:28.290 –> 00:29:29.190 Reshanda Yates: and
189 00:29:31.020 –> 00:29:38.010 Reshanda Yates: The thing is, like the old adage if what you resist persists right, the more you try to claim to back control.
190 00:29:39.840 –> 00:29:42.210 Reshanda Yates: The more out of control you’re going to feel.
191 00:29:44.760 –> 00:29:52.080 Reshanda Yates: And so you know I recognize that it is a leap of faith Okay, so I don’t want to.
192 00:29:54.000 –> 00:30:06.090 Reshanda Yates: downplay that because I recognize that you know for people who have field, especially when you have restricted for some personal long and deprived yourself denied yourself.
193 00:30:08.280 –> 00:30:14.010 Reshanda Yates: When you’ve done that, for so long, you, you lose trust in yourself.
194 00:30:15.630 –> 00:30:25.950 Reshanda Yates: And so it is, it is about taking that leap of faith and it’s a choice to choose to trust yourself trust your body.
195 00:30:28.920 –> 00:30:29.790 Reshanda Yates: and
196 00:30:32.010 –> 00:30:39.600 Reshanda Yates: To go ahead and let go of that really what I found in my own life was that it was like this.
197 00:30:41.130 –> 00:30:43.530 Reshanda Yates: Almost this addiction to control itself.
198 00:30:45.150 –> 00:30:49.530 Reshanda Yates: And so I had to like recognize that and let that go.
199 00:30:50.730 –> 00:30:54.720 Reshanda Yates: And like we were talking about it was in so many areas of my life.
200 00:30:55.020 –> 00:31:05.610 Jason Mefford: Because it was showing up in other areas right, you were trying to control yourself, which meant you I think you mentioned also you were trying to control others or other situations as well to write.
201 00:31:06.570 –> 00:31:15.750 Jason Mefford: it ends up starting to show up in some of these other places as well, and I think it’s, you know as you were talking there about trust it’s you know, in order to.
202 00:31:16.710 –> 00:31:29.430 Jason Mefford: Be in a loving relationship, there has to be trust as well right so yeah if we’re not trusting ourselves then we’re not really loving ourselves as well right and yeah maybe there’s stories that have to be.
203 00:31:30.780 –> 00:31:44.670 Jason Mefford: reprogrammed right like one that my dad had and again okay my dad was a depression era baby okay so growing up in the depression obviously had some different stories and I did, but we used to have the clean plate club.
204 00:31:45.450 –> 00:31:46.920 Jason Mefford: In our House right, so he would.
205 00:31:47.340 –> 00:31:55.890 Jason Mefford: If it was put on your play you had to eat everything, and you, and he would like scrape the plate and get every little bit of food off of it right.
206 00:31:56.730 –> 00:32:08.610 Jason Mefford: And it’s it’s you know when you when you grow up or you you you feel like that, sometimes, maybe there are some stories of have to be you know it’s perfectly fine for me to leave, in fact.
207 00:32:09.660 –> 00:32:22.260 Jason Mefford: at certain points in my life I would on purpose leave a certain amount on my plate right as a way to trust me and to know that I don’t have to finish everything.
208 00:32:22.470 –> 00:32:23.940 Jason Mefford: On it’s okay to leave.
209 00:32:24.300 –> 00:32:30.210 Jason Mefford: A little bit there right that that trusting like like you did with the donut right you.
210 00:32:30.840 –> 00:32:37.380 Jason Mefford: You were trusting yourself, you subconsciously push that away from premier yourself, because you didn’t have to eat the whole thing.
211 00:32:38.100 –> 00:32:46.860 Jason Mefford: You know, and I know you know binge eating and that gets to some other addictive behavior and other things as well right that that we’re usually trying to.
212 00:32:47.340 –> 00:32:57.660 Jason Mefford: numb ourselves or some other deeper thing usually behind that as well, but I think it’s still kind of gets back to trust to that right, I mean.
213 00:32:59.550 –> 00:33:15.450 Reshanda Yates: yeah I mean like you know we were talking about before we came on about how it really is all the same deeper underlying issue so whether that’s you know binge eating whether it’s.
214 00:33:16.680 –> 00:33:25.740 Reshanda Yates: Being addicted to scrolling on your phone you know or just kind of like zoning out in front of netflix all day or whatever it is um.
215 00:33:26.940 –> 00:33:33.120 Reshanda Yates: You know, when we kind of start peeling back those layers and get to the bottom of things.
216 00:33:34.530 –> 00:33:45.270 Reshanda Yates: Most of us will just find Oh, you know it’s that I really don’t think i’m worthy of feeling good in my life, you know I don’t trust myself to really.
217 00:33:46.080 –> 00:33:57.090 Reshanda Yates: go out and create whatever it is that I want to create in my life, whether that’s a better relationship or you know better finances or start a business or whatever.
218 00:33:58.260 –> 00:33:59.040 Reshanda Yates: and
219 00:34:00.120 –> 00:34:10.590 Reshanda Yates: i’m with my own life, you know and i’m still learning this lesson, you know, so I want to make that clear it’s like self trust.
220 00:34:11.100 –> 00:34:22.200 Reshanda Yates: Is it’s another it’s a major piece of my life journey, because I always wanted to look outside of myself for everything you know approval love.
221 00:34:22.740 –> 00:34:39.990 Reshanda Yates: To for someone else to you know tell me that i’m worthy that i’m valuable that I can do something, you know pat on the back, whatever it is, I was always looking outside of myself only to figure out that, like the only person who I can really rely on to give myself that is me.
222 00:34:41.130 –> 00:34:47.190 Reshanda Yates: And so you know i’m still doing my work of rewriting the stories thinking that you know I need like some authority.
223 00:34:48.480 –> 00:34:53.430 Reshanda Yates: You know, to tell me that, yes, you’re on the right track or you’re doing a good job.
224 00:34:54.930 –> 00:34:59.610 Reshanda Yates: So, but the more that I do that the more that I seek that internal.
226 00:35:03.660 –> 00:35:06.360 Reshanda Yates: The freer and freer and freer and freer I am.
227 00:35:07.560 –> 00:35:09.900 Reshanda Yates: Oh that’s going to add that to myself actually.
228 00:35:12.150 –> 00:35:13.140 Reshanda Yates: But um.
229 00:35:14.520 –> 00:35:23.310 Reshanda Yates: The other thing is, you know you talked about reprogramming and so you know, this is something that this was kind of like the last.
230 00:35:24.720 –> 00:35:32.190 Reshanda Yates: piece of the puzzle that I found for myself that I have that I didn’t even realize that this is what I had done.
231 00:35:32.520 –> 00:35:46.200 Reshanda Yates: But since learning more about exactly what this is like being able to actually go into the sort of program of your operating system and.
232 00:35:47.070 –> 00:36:05.820 Reshanda Yates: reprogram your self image reprogram your identity and basically line yourself up to do the things automatically that lead you to where you want to be in your life mmm that is that’s a huge huge piece that I think so many people are missing.
233 00:36:06.900 –> 00:36:13.680 Reshanda Yates: But it really is a force magnifier is that thing that one too.
234 00:36:15.030 –> 00:36:29.250 Reshanda Yates: Once you commit to loving yourself and then you get the tools to reprogram your subconscious mind they’re all over the place, like you can find hypnosis tools like they’re out there you just got to go look for them.
235 00:36:29.760 –> 00:36:43.230 Reshanda Yates: But when you put those two things in place look out because it’s just unbelievable um how different your life can look in such a short time.
236 00:36:44.130 –> 00:36:54.690 Reshanda Yates: And that was really that last piece of the puzzle, for me, is really being able to harness that, because the fact is we’re all being programmed all day every day.
237 00:36:55.560 –> 00:37:10.800 Reshanda Yates: But being able to actually harness that was something that allowed me to actually be intentional about change not controlling but intentional about it so that was.
238 00:37:12.300 –> 00:37:14.160 Reshanda Yates: A huge piece, I wanted to highlight too.
239 00:37:14.730 –> 00:37:26.250 Jason Mefford: Well, and that’s there’s there’s so much power in that word intention right and like you said intention, instead of you know, control and manipulation and whatever else it might be right.
240 00:37:26.850 –> 00:37:37.050 Jason Mefford: Is is and that’s that’s really where it comes from, because so many of us are looking you know why are we trying to control everything because we’re concerned about what people.
241 00:37:37.560 –> 00:37:49.680 Jason Mefford: External to us think about us right but, at the end of the day, who gives a shit it doesn’t really matter what they think about us what’s much more important as what we think about ourselves.
242 00:37:50.430 –> 00:38:03.000 Jason Mefford: And you know we’ve seen this you’ve seen it i’ve seen it in in lots of different places, it can be weight it can be career, it can be love romantic relationships everything else right.
243 00:38:03.450 –> 00:38:15.330 Jason Mefford: And, and you know put two of them together right that so many people think well when I when I lose this amount of weight and I look this certain way, then someone will love me.
244 00:38:16.500 –> 00:38:26.640 Jason Mefford: Broken model doesn’t happen right because you know she’d look a whole lot prettier she’d actually smile, that was a line from a song.
245 00:38:27.720 –> 00:38:38.280 Jason Mefford: It just popped into my head right is that is that sometimes you know I I don’t care what people look like externally I care.
246 00:38:39.960 –> 00:38:50.640 Jason Mefford: Who, they are right and so regardless of who you happen to be what you look like right that’s what makes you attractive.
247 00:38:51.570 –> 00:39:03.510 Jason Mefford: Not your body at the end of the day, right, and so, but, but how many people, and especially romantic relationships, if I look a certain way, then people will love me then i’ll find a partner.
248 00:39:04.110 –> 00:39:20.100 Jason Mefford: Right, as opposed to know love yourself for who you are and realize that there’s a partner that is exactly perfect for exactly who you are exactly the way you are right and focus more on being.
249 00:39:21.180 –> 00:39:32.850 Jason Mefford: You know the best partner, you can be, and then they show up and and I went through that after my after my divorce, you know, was that same thing, like oh nobody’s ever gonna lose movie right and.
250 00:39:33.330 –> 00:39:48.150 Jason Mefford: Oh, I don’t fit this or I don’t fit that and, finally, you know, again, it was the reminder of stop trying to find the perfect person focus on being the perfect person and then.
251 00:39:49.260 –> 00:39:51.600 Jason Mefford: Right people get attracted into your life.
252 00:39:52.710 –> 00:39:55.290 Reshanda Yates: yeah and I think another.
253 00:39:56.460 –> 00:40:08.010 Reshanda Yates: thing that people will can think about this is what helped me is to stop asking like, how can I get more love and ask like how willing, am I to receive love.
254 00:40:10.710 –> 00:40:31.350 Reshanda Yates: because for me that’s really That was a That was what it came down to was that I didn’t feel worthy and it goes back to what you were saying you know I didn’t feel worthy of receiving on and so that’s when I got into a lot of self sabotage and my relationships.
255 00:40:32.520 –> 00:40:54.360 Reshanda Yates: You know, and I sabotage my my eating, you know, would do well for a couple of weeks, and then I would just go crazy over the weekend, or something like that, so when I started to ask myself, like how available, am I to receive love how available, am I to receive good to come into my life.
256 00:40:55.470 –> 00:40:57.930 Reshanda Yates: It really shifted things because.
257 00:41:00.030 –> 00:41:04.260 Reshanda Yates: I started to realize like how much good was already present in my life.
258 00:41:05.580 –> 00:41:12.810 Reshanda Yates: I started to realize like oh my God like I am so lucky I have so much love in my life I started to.
259 00:41:14.670 –> 00:41:18.480 Reshanda Yates: To take it in you know, to let myself be loved.
260 00:41:20.580 –> 00:41:33.720 Reshanda Yates: And there’s something so vulnerable about letting yourself really be loved and I feel like that’s what really draws people to lies is like when we really.
261 00:41:35.460 –> 00:41:37.770 Reshanda Yates: get into that vulnerable state.
262 00:41:38.880 –> 00:41:43.230 Reshanda Yates: that’s when people can really see us and you know, of course, it feels uncomfortable.
263 00:41:44.460 –> 00:41:49.560 Reshanda Yates: But it’s so attractive, you know it’s so gorgeous it’s the word that’s coming to my mind.
264 00:41:51.930 –> 00:41:57.060 Jason Mefford: yeah Well, no, and I, you know we belong to some of the same coaching groups and stuff and it’s.
265 00:41:58.410 –> 00:42:14.130 Jason Mefford: it’s funny I almost exactly word for word, for what you said right is there is there’ll be a guy that shows up he’s doing a video he starts bawling right and again from a guy’s perspective it’s like you know that makes us look weak right and all the women are like man that is sexy.
266 00:42:14.970 –> 00:42:15.960 Jason Mefford: thing right it’s like.
267 00:42:16.500 –> 00:42:23.670 Jason Mefford: The more vulnerable and real and authentic that we are that’s what makes us attractive.
268 00:42:24.720 –> 00:42:25.170 Jason Mefford: Right.
269 00:42:25.560 –> 00:42:28.890 Jason Mefford: At the end of the day, and the more that we trust ourselves.
270 00:42:29.400 –> 00:42:33.090 Jason Mefford: The more that we love ourself and that point that you brought up about receiving.
271 00:42:33.840 –> 00:42:47.130 Jason Mefford: Right so again, a lot of you that are listening, you might be thinking I don’t have a problem with self love I love myself right well you know just here’s a here’s a couple of takeaways right is the next time somebody compliments you.
272 00:42:48.630 –> 00:43:02.340 Jason Mefford: How do you feel about, that is your first reaction of oh no, no, no, no, no, I don’t really deserve that blah blah blah blah blah right because most of the time, people are uncomfortable receiving a compliment.
273 00:43:03.390 –> 00:43:09.060 Jason Mefford: Well, if you’re uncomfortable receiving a compliment then you’re not allowing yourself to receive.
274 00:43:09.960 –> 00:43:21.270 Jason Mefford: That love and so you’re repelling you’re pushing stuff away right, so how easy, are you actually at receiving right when you make a mistake.
275 00:43:21.900 –> 00:43:28.260 Jason Mefford: How do you talk to yourself in your head right are you over there with the whip with being yourself like.
276 00:43:28.650 –> 00:43:38.910 Jason Mefford: You know, you know you know better, you should have done better Jason is a bad boy right, those are, I still have those thoughts in my mind i’m still trying to kick it out right, but when I do something.
277 00:43:39.990 –> 00:43:46.170 Jason Mefford: Often, I revert back to that little boy like oh no Jason was a very bad boy, he did something very wrong right.
278 00:43:47.070 –> 00:44:01.890 Jason Mefford: So if we’re having those feelings How much are we really loving herself and the problem is trying to control ourselves to put on a certain image to the outside world is not who we are.
279 00:44:02.970 –> 00:44:14.700 Jason Mefford: And it’s ultimately I mean like you said you know, once we can learn to be happy and love ourselves for who we are done a lot of the other things kind of take care of themselves don’t they.
280 00:44:16.320 –> 00:44:37.320 Reshanda Yates: So loosely they do yeah you can just allow yourself to let go of that control and I love the example that you shared is such a perfect example, such as a simple way of practicing loving yourself and allowing yourself and allowing yourself to receive good you know.
281 00:44:38.340 –> 00:44:39.810 Reshanda Yates: And then another thing.
282 00:44:41.250 –> 00:44:49.680 Reshanda Yates: That is so simple uncomfortable but anyone can do it it’s just like look in the mirror and tell yourself I love you.
283 00:44:50.910 –> 00:45:09.570 Reshanda Yates: You know, and just notice how that feels and there’s going to probably if you’re not used to it there’s probably going to be discomfort and just allow yourself to be comfortable with that you know just acknowledge it and let it in and.
284 00:45:10.800 –> 00:45:12.300 Reshanda Yates: One of the.
285 00:45:13.380 –> 00:45:20.940 Reshanda Yates: Steps of a process that I share with people is this allowing step, and the reason I have allowing.
286 00:45:22.950 –> 00:45:41.190 Reshanda Yates: Is because we, we tend to resist and we tend to make ourselves wrong about things so oh i’m uncomfortable oh man that must mean I don’t love myself that’s bad you know I should know better, by now, or whatever it is, and.
287 00:45:42.810 –> 00:45:59.250 Reshanda Yates: You know what, if you could just allow that to be that feeling of discomfort What if you just allow it, so you can think of, like a wave in the ocean like part of the human experience we have all these emotions, you know.
288 00:46:00.780 –> 00:46:11.190 Reshanda Yates: And it’s like just this one wave in the ocean it’s going to come up it’s going to come to a CREST and as coin to recede that’s what leads to.
289 00:46:12.330 –> 00:46:19.470 Reshanda Yates: And so, allowing is all about you recognize that, yes, i’m uncomfortable.
290 00:46:21.090 –> 00:46:28.680 Reshanda Yates: And you might even recognize what the Buddhists call the second arrow which is you know, the first arrow gets you, but now you beat yourself up.
291 00:46:30.660 –> 00:46:32.910 Jason Mefford: About that one hurts you more than the first one.
292 00:46:33.360 –> 00:46:33.960 Reshanda Yates: I lost yeah.
293 00:46:34.830 –> 00:46:39.780 Jason Mefford: yeah on a second, the second arrow ends up hurting you probably more than the first one did.
294 00:46:40.170 –> 00:46:48.330 Reshanda Yates: Oh absolutely that’s the ironic thing about it and so just really allowing yourself to.
295 00:46:49.530 –> 00:46:55.290 Reshanda Yates: to let it be there just let just make space for it and just let it be.
296 00:46:56.730 –> 00:47:07.470 Reshanda Yates: And then I feel like I should just finish out the last two steps after that so after noticing it ask yourself this question ask yourself what am I, believing right now.
297 00:47:08.850 –> 00:47:12.360 Reshanda Yates: And so, you know that could be a belief that.
298 00:47:13.560 –> 00:47:36.570 Reshanda Yates: You know you’re wrong or you’re bad or you’re not worthy whatever that belief is let that surface and then the last step is about nurturing yourself and this comes back to self love like you are the one giving yourself what you need and I like to place my hand over my heart.
299 00:47:37.770 –> 00:47:47.520 Reshanda Yates: And I asked myself what I need an answer, and this is really key I answer from the wisest part of myself like who is like.
300 00:47:48.300 –> 00:48:03.690 Reshanda Yates: Maybe maybe I project out into the future, and I say okay if i’m 100 years old and i’ve lived my life and I, you know i’ve lived a wonderful joyful life, what does that person have for me, or sometimes I will think about like a mentor like my Angelo someone who I.
301 00:48:03.690 –> 00:48:05.670 Reshanda Yates: often like to kind of call on.
302 00:48:06.270 –> 00:48:12.150 Reshanda Yates: And what message does she have for me and with my head on my heart, I think to myself, you know.
303 00:48:13.530 –> 00:48:14.460 Reshanda Yates: Sometimes it’s.
304 00:48:15.780 –> 00:48:21.660 Reshanda Yates: Thank you for keeping me safe i’m Okay, because I recognize oh that’s my brain doing what it does, or it might be.
305 00:48:24.360 –> 00:48:26.100 Reshanda Yates: I care about this suffering.
306 00:48:27.210 –> 00:48:27.690 Reshanda Yates: and
307 00:48:30.090 –> 00:48:41.460 Reshanda Yates: That comes a lot of times from me wanting to parent myself, you know and parent myself in a way that maybe I wasn’t parenting and just holding that space of nurture.
308 00:48:42.630 –> 00:49:07.860 Reshanda Yates: And so um, this is a process called it’s called brain R a n recognize allow investigate nurture and it is one of the most powerful ways to actually move through discomfort expand because it allows you to really get into your body and just process things that are coming up in the moment.
309 00:49:10.110 –> 00:49:18.270 Reshanda Yates: So when it comes to self love, a lot of times it’s just that simple of just.
310 00:49:19.710 –> 00:49:29.580 Reshanda Yates: Holding some space for yourself to feel what you’re feeling and not make yourself wrong for it and give yourself what you need.
311 00:49:30.990 –> 00:49:31.680 Reshanda Yates: In the moment.
312 00:49:32.970 –> 00:49:39.330 Jason Mefford: yeah so that rain process again right, I mean this would be a time again when something comes up and we were triggered a little bit or.
313 00:49:39.570 –> 00:49:44.850 Jason Mefford: yeah something doesn’t go right the way the way that we want to this is a very simple way.
314 00:49:45.270 –> 00:49:58.770 Jason Mefford: for you to kind of walk through this So the first one was recognizing right so kind of recognizing the emotion or recognizing whatever thought or feeling you’re having at the time, acknowledging right acknowledging.
315 00:49:59.400 –> 00:50:01.170 Reshanda Yates: That it’s happening now well.
316 00:50:01.560 –> 00:50:03.750 Reshanda Yates: Actually, a better word would be accept.
317 00:50:03.810 –> 00:50:04.200 Jason Mefford: or.
318 00:50:04.380 –> 00:50:05.730 Reshanda Yates: I like to say, allow.
319 00:50:06.840 –> 00:50:09.360 Reshanda Yates: So either one works accepted or allow.
320 00:50:10.020 –> 00:50:13.470 Jason Mefford: And that’s that kind of that idea of the The wave right that again.
321 00:50:13.500 –> 00:50:19.860 Jason Mefford: yeah instead of trying to fight against the wave just let it kind of wash over you and knowing that it’s going to receive.
322 00:50:20.370 –> 00:50:22.080 Jason Mefford: And then the I was what again was.
323 00:50:22.320 –> 00:50:23.220 Jason Mefford: investigate.
324 00:50:23.520 –> 00:50:25.290 Reshanda Yates: Investors is about asking.
325 00:50:25.800 –> 00:50:29.310 Reshanda Yates: You know what what story, am I telling myself what am I believe in right now.
326 00:50:30.840 –> 00:50:31.230 Jason Mefford: yep.
327 00:50:32.280 –> 00:50:41.430 Jason Mefford: And then the final thing to actually nurture yeah right because again yeah if we’re loving ourselves, then we need some nurture right, we need to.
328 00:50:43.380 –> 00:50:45.210 Jason Mefford: If nobody’s around give yourself a hug right.
330 00:50:46.800 –> 00:50:50.520 Jason Mefford: I mean, it seems, it seems funny okay right but literally.
331 00:50:50.970 –> 00:51:02.400 Jason Mefford: If you need a hug and there’s nobody around if you hug yourself chemicals get released in your body, and so it actually even hugging yourself.
332 00:51:02.880 –> 00:51:14.850 Jason Mefford: helps right but yeah we need we need some of that that nurturing as well to realize so next time I have one of those examples where I want to say naughty bad bad little boy Jason.
333 00:51:15.300 –> 00:51:22.530 Jason Mefford: I can go through and use this rain process to be able to help get me out of it and it doesn’t take very much time either right, I mean this is.
334 00:51:22.830 –> 00:51:25.260 Jason Mefford: not talking just a few a few minutes.
335 00:51:26.130 –> 00:51:35.760 Reshanda Yates: I mean Now I do it in 30 seconds and it’s so automatic for me now so that’s, the key is to really habitual eyes it.
336 00:51:36.360 –> 00:51:44.880 Reshanda Yates: um you know you can start with a very small part of it, you can just start with like the recognized part just start to recognize when you are triggered.
337 00:51:45.210 –> 00:52:01.830 Reshanda Yates: start to recognize when you feel uncomfortable for some reason, and then you can start building on it, but what i’m what i’ve seen from research is that if you do it many times during the day, but for small moments that actually builds the habit um faster.
338 00:52:03.000 –> 00:52:06.420 Reshanda Yates: yeah so you can take just a few you know 30 seconds to a minute.
339 00:52:07.920 –> 00:52:19.920 Jason Mefford: Great great practical thing you know, for us to kind of end with you know as well, but you know, again I know i’m a perfectionist you’re a perfectionist we’re recovering perfectionist.
340 00:52:20.850 –> 00:52:23.430 Jason Mefford: right because we’re on the way, but so many people.
341 00:52:23.940 –> 00:52:31.800 Jason Mefford: You know, deal with this struggle with it probably beat ourselves up when we don’t need to write and that whole second arrow.
342 00:52:32.400 –> 00:52:40.020 Jason Mefford: concept right that that usually were harder on ourselves than whatever it was that we happen to to go through, but.
343 00:52:40.620 –> 00:52:47.820 Jason Mefford: Instead of trying to control let’s just release in and realize, you know focus on loving yourself on being happy.
344 00:52:48.420 –> 00:53:00.030 Jason Mefford: And a lot of the other things you know, end up taking care of themselves because a lot of these addictive behaviors self sabotaging behaviors whatever you want to call them.
345 00:53:00.630 –> 00:53:19.080 Jason Mefford: are usually because we’re we’re not in that state and you got to be happy now because losing the pounds getting the new job having more money isn’t going to make you happy or make you love yourself, you got to do that now and then the other stuff happens.
346 00:53:19.200 –> 00:53:19.920 Yes.
347 00:53:22.350 –> 00:53:29.640 Jason Mefford: This is good, well, thank you for shonda if people want to reach out to you how’s the best way to reach out to your get Ahold of you then as well.
348 00:53:30.780 –> 00:53:39.060 Reshanda Yates: or so there’s a couple ways i’m the best way is through to my website, which are def con.
349 00:53:40.500 –> 00:53:41.430 Reshanda Yates: and
350 00:53:42.540 –> 00:53:48.330 Reshanda Yates: Then i’m active on social media so i’m on instagram at retaliates i’m on Facebook at rush on da.
351 00:53:49.740 –> 00:53:51.000 Reshanda Yates: So those are the best ways.
352 00:53:51.660 –> 00:53:56.220 Jason Mefford: Perfect perfect perfect perfect, but thank you, my friend it’s.
353 00:53:58.680 –> 00:54:16.530 Jason Mefford: Good stuff, and again I mean it’s You know, as you said before and i’ll say it too we’re on the path, just like everybody else is right we’re just here to help share provide hope to people in realize that you know life can be whatever you want it to be.
354 00:54:16.890 –> 00:54:20.670 Jason Mefford: And we’ve given you some practical things go out use the rain.
355 00:54:21.390 –> 00:54:24.330 Jason Mefford: Rain principle as well and.
356 00:54:25.650 –> 00:54:35.400 Jason Mefford: let’s just get on with our life and live, who we are right and love ourself and focus and realize that everything really happens from the inside out.
357 00:54:36.540 –> 00:54:38.160 Jason Mefford: Any final final thoughts.
358 00:54:39.060 –> 00:54:41.280 Reshanda Yates: That was the perfect summary.
359 00:54:43.260 –> 00:54:45.750 Reshanda Yates: Thank you so much for allowing me to be here and share.
360 00:54:46.170 –> 00:54:46.770 Jason Mefford: Well, thank you.
This is another tables-are-turned episode where Jason Mefford is interviewed by Angela Noelle for the Reclaim Your FIRE Podcast.
In this episode, Jason is being interviewd by Angela to discuss how to have a stress free work environment and to help others break free from that feeling of being a slave to corporate culture.
Get a VIP backstage pass and behind the scenes information when you sign up for The Jamming with Jason newsletter: https://bit.ly/3k53OjS
Connect with Angela on Instagram at: i.am.angela.noelle or on her website: https://angelanoelleinternational.com/ and check out her #podcast Reclaim Your F.I.R.E.
Transcript
1 00:00:03.000 –> 00:00:21.240 Angela Noelle: Hello fire goddesses welcome to another episode Okay, I have to say that I am really, really excited about my next guest for a few reasons I will quickly discover, first of all, this is my very first male guest.
2 00:00:22.320 –> 00:00:36.750 Angela Noelle: And second of all i’ve known Jason now for about a year and a half or so correct Jason and I just love his energy I love what he has to offer, we just had a quick chat before pressing record.
3 00:00:37.350 –> 00:00:44.400 Angela Noelle: And i’m really excited to introduce you all to my next guest Jason medford hi Jason how are you.
4 00:00:44.490 –> 00:00:52.710 Jason Mefford: i’m doing well Angela how are you and it’s quite it’s quite an honor I get to be the first male so i’m bringing some testosterone into the group right.
5 00:00:53.580 –> 00:01:09.840 Angela Noelle: yeah yes absolutely 100% like this is a real treat and I love what you offer and bring to the table so first of all, before we go any farther I would love, if you could just tell the audience a little about who you are Jason and how you help people.
6 00:01:11.190 –> 00:01:22.740 Jason Mefford: yeah so i’ve got i’ve got several different businesses, actually, that I run but, but most of it all really kind of comes back to helping people learn right, so I have some training companies.
7 00:01:23.760 –> 00:01:40.560 Jason Mefford: But also helping people kind of get out of fear and the anxiety and everything else that ends up happening because you know in specifically usually towards corporate employees, because that’s where I spent most of my time I was an executive at some big companies.
8 00:01:41.700 –> 00:02:01.260 Jason Mefford: In what I found is you know we like to think that we have boundaries around work life balance, but we don’t right, I mean we’re just who we are and if we have a bad day at work, not sure can I swear on here to or not okay.
9 00:02:01.500 –> 00:02:10.920 Jason Mefford: I was gonna say shitty day at work right because that that that kind of hits it more than just a bad day then chances are we’re going to come home.
10 00:02:11.760 –> 00:02:24.240 Jason Mefford: Right well we’re going to come home and depending on the energy and what was going on where we spend the majority of our waking hours spills over into our personal life.
11 00:02:25.050 –> 00:02:42.210 Jason Mefford: So if I come home i’m mad I kick the dog I yell at the kids whatever that energy, you know permeates into everything else I do plus you know we feel pretty bad about ourselves and that’s you know I think one of the problems is.
12 00:02:43.770 –> 00:02:47.100 Jason Mefford: kind of, say, you know corporate slavery is alive and well.
13 00:02:48.570 –> 00:02:51.840 Jason Mefford: I know you’re not supposed to use the word slavery, but.
14 00:02:53.130 –> 00:03:01.740 Jason Mefford: You know a lot of people feel like they’re really stuck in their job they hate going into work, they hate seeing their boss.
15 00:03:03.600 –> 00:03:20.430 Jason Mefford: And so you know, trying to help people not have to feel that way to give them the hope and realize things can be different, even if you’re working for somebody else right because it’s more about you than it is about them.
16 00:03:21.840 –> 00:03:31.080 Angela Noelle: i’m so glad you mentioned that right, because I know i’ve had corporate jobs before in jobs in general, where i’ve worked for other people and there’s always this.
17 00:03:32.340 –> 00:03:35.730 Angela Noelle: i’d say most of the time this drama.
18 00:03:37.440 –> 00:03:54.030 Angela Noelle: associate associated like oh my gosh I hate that person or oh my gosh the boss is here like look busy, like all that that stuff that goes on in corporate in work, culture and I love love love, how you said that it’s really not about the other person it’s about.
19 00:03:55.230 –> 00:04:07.800 Angela Noelle: it’s about you right it starts everything starts with you, so I would love to know a little bit more about how you when you’re working with corporations like how you teach that to people and help them with that.
20 00:04:08.610 –> 00:04:23.250 Jason Mefford: yeah so the one the one thing that I like to do is use use some analogies and the one that I like to use is the mirror right and you’ve you’ve kind of heard this too from some of the programs we’ve been together is that life reflects you.
21 00:04:24.510 –> 00:04:31.170 Jason Mefford: And so, if you are so, for example, if you’re a leader or you’re somebody who’s supervising somebody else.
22 00:04:32.220 –> 00:04:41.460 Jason Mefford: And, and they come in, you know this this employee comes in and they’re in a bad mood or they’re irritable or their whatever right.
23 00:04:42.660 –> 00:04:51.630 Jason Mefford: If they’re reflecting that to you chances are the reason they’re doing that, as you’re reflecting that to them.
24 00:04:52.680 –> 00:04:55.410 Jason Mefford: And so, and so so much of this is.
25 00:04:55.830 –> 00:05:10.110 Jason Mefford: You know, taking that personal responsibility and getting your own shit together because, as you change your internal world, you will change the world around you right.
26 00:05:10.800 –> 00:05:21.600 Jason Mefford: And so it’s trying to help give people, some of these tools right because because, again I you know I work with a lot of executives and they always come in and it’s like oh.
27 00:05:23.580 –> 00:05:40.290 Jason Mefford: here’s a real life example Okay, I was, I was, I was having a coaching call with an executive a couple weeks ago and and she came in and we were talking about a particular employee that she was having problems with okay.
28 00:05:41.040 –> 00:05:50.250 Jason Mefford: So we started talking about the employee she gave me a little bit more detail and about you know 10 minutes into it, I said, you know what you don’t have an employee problem.
29 00:05:51.750 –> 00:06:01.170 Jason Mefford: You have a relationship problem, and she said what and I said, the reason your employee is acting the way she is.
30 00:06:02.010 –> 00:06:16.860 Jason Mefford: Why she’s doing the things that you don’t like her to do is you don’t have a strong enough relationship with that employee, where she can feel like she can be honest and open with you that’s why you’re having the issues.
31 00:06:17.430 –> 00:06:19.320 Jason Mefford: it’s not a her problem.
32 00:06:20.040 –> 00:06:28.770 Jason Mefford: it’s a huge problem you haven’t done what you need to do to develop that relationship so you can have that open and honest communication.
33 00:06:30.420 –> 00:06:50.220 Angela Noelle: And this is so, so common in the workplace, I mean so so common so i’m i’m just curious to know you know when it’s a leadership problem and you save it and you say this to these people these corporate execs right i’m assuming they’re high up there right.
34 00:06:50.730 –> 00:06:51.000 yeah.
35 00:06:52.110 –> 00:07:07.650 Angela Noelle: And you know we learn in a program we were both in about being internally referenced versus externally referenced right like sometimes people don’t when you’re in turn when you’re informed by yourself right some people don’t always take that very well, so how do they.
36 00:07:08.400 –> 00:07:09.780 Jason Mefford: handle that feedback.
37 00:07:10.050 –> 00:07:23.010 Jason Mefford: Well that’s where you try to ask the questions right you try to lead people with the questions because that’s that’s one of the things that I try to teach people to as some of the influencing skills yeah you know how to have some of those conversations because.
38 00:07:23.490 –> 00:07:30.420 Jason Mefford: You know I could I could sit there and and try to convince somebody but i’m not going to convince anybody.
39 00:07:30.780 –> 00:07:33.840 Jason Mefford: Just like they’re not going to convince their employees right.
40 00:07:34.320 –> 00:07:40.770 Jason Mefford: So you ask certain questions so they come to their own conclusion right.
41 00:07:40.830 –> 00:07:54.900 Jason Mefford: yeah and one of the problems is you know it’s it’s another tool I teach people and we’ve learned this too is about stories right is that it, especially in the corporate world we are.
42 00:07:56.790 –> 00:07:58.800 Jason Mefford: We use we use the word power.
43 00:07:59.880 –> 00:08:19.320 Jason Mefford: But really in the corporate world it’s force not power you’re forcing someone to do something you’re controlling someone right These are words that we use and we teach people in the corporate world to use this force and coercion to get things done.
44 00:08:20.160 –> 00:08:21.720 Jason Mefford: Now, the reason for that.
45 00:08:21.900 –> 00:08:27.690 Jason Mefford: Okay, most especially here in the US and it’s really kind of true everywhere in the world, because I worked all over the world.
46 00:08:28.590 –> 00:08:41.040 Jason Mefford: is most organizations run on a command and control mentality now, why do they run on command and control, because with after the Second World War was over.
47 00:08:41.700 –> 00:08:52.860 Jason Mefford: We had millions of people who had served in the military come home and apply those military concepts in the organizations that they work for.
48 00:08:53.430 –> 00:09:04.320 Jason Mefford: that’s why we have hierarchy ill, we have you know titles, we have all of these other things because that’s what we were taught that’s what we’ve continued to teach for a long time.
49 00:09:05.100 –> 00:09:16.410 Jason Mefford: And the problem is it kills people it literally kills people to do that both the person as the leader and also the person who’s the follower.
50 00:09:16.950 –> 00:09:17.910 Jason Mefford: right because.
51 00:09:18.330 –> 00:09:24.360 Jason Mefford: Because another thing that we have to remember is and i’ve seen this in my own personal life.
52 00:09:25.770 –> 00:09:27.090 Jason Mefford: Is that a lot of times.
53 00:09:28.500 –> 00:09:32.580 Jason Mefford: We try to tell people that it’s not okay to be themselves.
54 00:09:33.750 –> 00:09:48.390 Jason Mefford: We tell people that you have to do things a certain way, even if that’s not in our nature, and so the problem is if i’m a kind and loving person, which I am.
55 00:09:49.620 –> 00:09:53.670 Jason Mefford: And I get told that I have to do something that is mean.
56 00:09:54.750 –> 00:10:09.570 Jason Mefford: or or that is that I know is going to be hurtful to someone else, but I just have to pull up my big boy pants and that’s what I have to do right leader does that well there’s there’s different ways that you can do things right.
57 00:10:09.840 –> 00:10:25.260 Jason Mefford: yeah and so it’s how you choose to do it and being authentic to who you are is one of those things that’s going to decouple you from this and and and what i’ll what i’ll share is you know, one of the.
58 00:10:26.340 –> 00:10:34.470 Jason Mefford: One of the jobs that I had was in what’s called public accounting I worked for the largest accounting firm in the world at the time Arthur Andersen.
59 00:10:35.820 –> 00:10:51.720 Jason Mefford: Arthur Andersen got themselves in trouble because of Enron and we ended up going out of business, very quickly, because of some of that stuff now, the problem was I had tied my own personal self worth to my job.
61 00:10:54.000 –> 00:10:59.220 Jason Mefford: And so, when you do that, and then you watch the company around you disintegrate.
62 00:11:00.270 –> 00:11:15.420 Jason Mefford: Or we get told things you know, like this, this was a lie that we got told, but I had to I had to lie, because I was one of the leaders right is you know, we had to convince everybody in our company to stay.
63 00:11:16.680 –> 00:11:28.080 Jason Mefford: Because things weren’t looking good people were going to leave, and so we got told look we, we have to have a critical mass of people if we’re going to sell ourselves to some of the other firms.
64 00:11:28.530 –> 00:11:42.090 Jason Mefford: So we have to keep people so tell people we’re not firing anybody you got to hold on you got to do all this stuff so we got to the point, we did a deal and what do you think happened a week or two later now we’re going to fire a bunch of people.
65 00:11:42.570 –> 00:11:50.130 Jason Mefford: yeah right so so that’s not true to who I was did that eat me up inside oh yeah right.
66 00:11:51.000 –> 00:12:03.690 Jason Mefford: And and there’s so many people that the end up in that situation they don’t feel like they can be themselves authentically and it’s literally killing them, you know, so another thing that I teach people is just be yourself.
67 00:12:04.170 –> 00:12:07.950 Jason Mefford: You know there’s nothing wrong with being weird or a little bit different.
68 00:12:07.980 –> 00:12:09.150 Jason Mefford: we’re all that way.
69 00:12:10.440 –> 00:12:22.740 Jason Mefford: Right you don’t have to fit some stereotypical mold and you can be an amazing leader and amazing person exactly the way you are right, I love, Mr Rogers.
70 00:12:22.920 –> 00:12:24.930 Jason Mefford: yeah she’s so that’s.
71 00:12:25.320 –> 00:12:28.950 Jason Mefford: One of the things that I grew up with, and that I try to tell people, as well as.
72 00:12:29.430 –> 00:12:35.610 Jason Mefford: Your special exactly the way you are and it’s Okay, and you don’t have to be any anybody different.
73 00:12:37.200 –> 00:12:47.340 Angela Noelle: yeah i’m so glad that there’s people like you out there in the world Jason that are you are doing the work that you’re doing, specifically in corporations, because I know.
74 00:12:48.420 –> 00:12:57.210 Angela Noelle: mean you mentioned, even the you know, the people in leadership and the you know the people that are being led are literally.
75 00:12:58.770 –> 00:13:19.560 Angela Noelle: dying you sorry, you said it’s killing them right because of all the stress associated with not showing up authentically being in fear fearing you know that you’re going to be whatever shamed ridicule losing your job, and I think that’s just a really powerful message.
76 00:13:20.580 –> 00:13:30.150 Angela Noelle: Not only for corporate America but because a majority of the people that in the world are working for corporate America still they still work for other people.
77 00:13:30.780 –> 00:13:44.340 Angela Noelle: And I know that I have witnessed that in jobs where it’s like oh my like i’ve treated people in my acupuncture practice because I was in Boston and you know talk about Taipei city right.
78 00:13:44.490 –> 00:13:46.020 Jason Mefford: ne ne.
80 00:13:50.970 –> 00:14:01.500 Angela Noelle: Most of my patients worked these high pressure jobs and they would come into my office and I was often treating I mean most of the time I was treating stress.
81 00:14:01.920 –> 00:14:09.720 Angela Noelle: And manifestations of stress, whether it be you know intense body muscular skeletal pain.
82 00:14:10.650 –> 00:14:17.820 Angela Noelle: You know they come in, like this, like know with their on their shoulders are literally attached to their ears and.
83 00:14:18.420 –> 00:14:33.270 Angela Noelle: The list goes on and on, and it can get really it can become very, very unhealthy and toxic for these people so i’m so happy to hear that you’re offering people this opportunity because, like you said.
84 00:14:34.440 –> 00:14:44.040 Angela Noelle: it’s we’re meant to be weird we’re not meant to all walk around in the same like you know suit and tie and wear the same clothes and.
85 00:14:46.650 –> 00:14:48.990 Angela Noelle: To be able to embrace.
86 00:14:50.040 –> 00:15:10.500 Angela Noelle: Who, we are can actually not only make the person happier, but it can also just make the workspace happier right when you don’t have enough, you know i’d love if we could dive into that just the energy in a workplace when people are happy versus unhappy.
87 00:15:11.520 –> 00:15:16.500 Jason Mefford: Well, and i’ll and i’ll give you a real life story of Jason okay to kind of to kind of.
88 00:15:17.790 –> 00:15:34.920 Jason Mefford: illustrate some of this for for kind of the reason why i’m doing this as well Okay, so I was an executive big pretty big company people would know what it is, but if you eat out in a restaurant once or twice a month, you would have eaten some of our product right.
89 00:15:36.030 –> 00:15:45.780 Jason Mefford: And so lot of responsibilities we get a new CEO in which I didn’t agree with some of the direction that he was wanting.
90 00:15:46.560 –> 00:16:06.780 Jason Mefford: To take things okay so obviously there’s some contention, and some other stuff that was going on in there, but I didn’t have some of the tools that I teach people Okay, and so I was trying to deal with it the best I knew, which was without any help right.
91 00:16:07.920 –> 00:16:13.170 Jason Mefford: And so you know, a couple of things ended up happening to the point to where.
92 00:16:13.620 –> 00:16:30.120 Jason Mefford: I came out of one meeting up on the executive floor went into the stairwell to go back down to my office and I just started feeling very anxious when I lead the meat left the meeting right because I knew that.
93 00:16:32.610 –> 00:16:39.660 Jason Mefford: There were some things that were going to not be so good for Jason after that meeting and I went into the stairwell.
94 00:16:40.710 –> 00:16:46.590 Jason Mefford: And like I said I was just getting really anxious I got into the stairwell and all of a sudden, I just leaned up against the wall and I couldn’t move.
95 00:16:47.550 –> 00:16:59.940 Jason Mefford: And I had a panic attack in the stairwell right it’s like I got to get out of here, but I can’t move, you know all my senses were going crazy I could smell the concrete and the iron.
96 00:17:00.540 –> 00:17:10.290 Jason Mefford: You know in in in this, you know that access stairwell but I couldn’t move right and at the same time, I mean I was on high blood pressure, medicine.
97 00:17:11.370 –> 00:17:13.410 Jason Mefford: I was on antidepressants.
98 00:17:14.520 –> 00:17:30.000 Jason Mefford: I was in a marriage, that was headed for divorce, and so you know, within and again, those are not all excuses, but you know within a one month time I lost my job and I got divorced.
99 00:17:31.050 –> 00:17:38.820 Jason Mefford: So that’s the kind of real pressure and things that people are living with you know when we’ve got.
100 00:17:39.870 –> 00:17:48.450 Jason Mefford: research studies that are showing 80% of people in the US are significantly stressed that’s serious folks I mean that’s that’s like serious.
101 00:17:50.550 –> 00:17:55.200 Jason Mefford: And, and you know, again, I mean kind of so that’s I don’t want people to go through that.
102 00:17:56.340 –> 00:18:03.270 Jason Mefford: But a lot of times we sometimes have to go through that before we actually wake up, which is unfortunate.
103 00:18:04.050 –> 00:18:12.210 Jason Mefford: right but kind of back to your question, well, what can we do different well there’s a lot of things we can actually do different in the workplace and.
104 00:18:12.930 –> 00:18:22.530 Jason Mefford: In certain companies are starting to recognize this and it goes about three three years ago now, I went to a workflow mind place summit.
105 00:18:23.220 –> 00:18:41.310 Jason Mefford: Right, so it was it was actually some of the biggest companies in the world, talking about how can we change the workplace and allow for some of these things to come in and again mindfulness is a big term means a lot of things to different people but.
106 00:18:42.720 –> 00:18:49.200 Jason Mefford: what’s amazing is that you know people find out that you know what if you if you allow people to take breaks.
107 00:18:49.620 –> 00:19:10.920 Jason Mefford: If you allow people to stop and meditate for five or 10 minutes if you make a place so that you know they can go in and do yoga or something like that you know, on a break when when you allow space and you are not so frenetic in what you’re trying to do you actually get better productivity.
109 00:19:13.290 –> 00:19:22.200 Jason Mefford: Because this is what happens and again there’s been lots of research studies about this people think that by working more you get more productivity.
110 00:19:23.430 –> 00:19:35.880 Jason Mefford: But you don’t in fact after 50 hours a week and i’ve worked way more than 50 hours a week, every additional hour you spend you’re taking away from your overall productivity.
111 00:19:38.310 –> 00:19:39.090 Jason Mefford: and
112 00:19:39.150 –> 00:19:48.420 Jason Mefford: In what’s interesting right so again, is to bring in some of the science and the psychology to it, especially now, this last little while with everybody working from home.
113 00:19:49.140 –> 00:19:56.520 Jason Mefford: A lot of the executives like whoa we got to get people back in the office we got to have our finger on them because they’re not actually doing any work unless we’re watching them.
114 00:19:57.600 –> 00:20:06.570 Jason Mefford: Well, interestingly enough, an employee in the office is productive about 50% of the time when the boss, is there with their finger.
115 00:20:07.950 –> 00:20:15.720 Jason Mefford: At home, where they have a little bit more space they have a little bit more flexibility they’re more like 60% productive.
116 00:20:16.860 –> 00:20:22.920 Jason Mefford: And they’re willing to actually work more because they don’t have the hour two hour commute each way.
117 00:20:23.370 –> 00:20:33.720 Jason Mefford: Exactly, and so what people have seen going through this last little while is, I never want to go back to the fucking office right it stresses me out.
118 00:20:34.830 –> 00:20:42.870 Jason Mefford: Now there’s going to be a balance right, but, but again what we’re seeing is it doesn’t have to be the way it is.
119 00:20:44.040 –> 00:20:50.070 Jason Mefford: And part of it is allowing people to be who they are instead of trying to fit everybody in the in the box.
120 00:20:51.330 –> 00:20:55.050 Jason Mefford: Focusing on relationships, instead of transactions.
121 00:20:56.400 –> 00:21:10.740 Jason Mefford: So this is another thing you know, we think that to be more productive we’ve got to just check things off our to do list right and we got to be productive and I remember getting told early in my career Jason you’re very productive, but you run people over.
122 00:21:12.180 –> 00:21:14.370 Jason Mefford: You don’t want to hear that from your boss right.
123 00:21:15.390 –> 00:21:17.160 Jason Mefford: Like the first parts great.
124 00:21:17.850 –> 00:21:27.270 Jason Mefford: So I have to learn right and sometimes we have to make choices of hey i’m sitting across from Angela she’s a human being.
125 00:21:28.770 –> 00:21:36.480 Jason Mefford: I need to treat her like a human being, I need to focus more on our relationship as human beings.
126 00:21:37.560 –> 00:21:44.280 Jason Mefford: and things will work out, but if you don’t have that relationship, if everything is transactional in nature.
127 00:21:46.680 –> 00:21:56.070 Jason Mefford: It never works that way right, because then we feel like a number ID bring in Bob seger here feeling like a number.
128 00:21:57.180 –> 00:22:01.110 Jason Mefford: No, I was gonna say is also a musician if you haven’t already know.
129 00:22:03.030 –> 00:22:04.200 Jason Mefford: But it’s but it’s.
130 00:22:06.660 –> 00:22:10.230 Jason Mefford: When we’re only good for transactions, we feel like a transaction.
132 00:22:13.380 –> 00:22:13.860 Angela Noelle: and
133 00:22:15.360 –> 00:22:31.560 Angela Noelle: You know what i’m hearing you say, and I think a lot of people have since this for a long time, is that this command and control culture that showed up in the 40s and 50s is way out it’s like what 75 years old right.
134 00:22:31.830 –> 00:22:32.220 Jason Mefford: way out.
135 00:22:33.000 –> 00:22:33.750 Jason Mefford: way out of date.
136 00:22:34.050 –> 00:22:48.660 Angela Noelle: it’s old school so it’s time to say goodbye to that and welcome in a new work culture, and I know my my husband works for a corporation, and I see how they really support their employees and give them, you know.
137 00:22:50.340 –> 00:23:00.180 Angela Noelle: The the freedom to you know work where they want when they want to a little bit more than maybe it’s a tech company, and I know tech companies are a little different than.
138 00:23:00.540 –> 00:23:03.000 Angela Noelle: You know, financial companies and the more conservative.
139 00:23:03.000 –> 00:23:10.050 Angela Noelle: Companies but um and you also mentioned the the word choice, which is a word that.
140 00:23:11.850 –> 00:23:27.690 Angela Noelle: I love choice, life is choice right, so we know when it comes to the workplace right, how do you do you teach your clients, the idea that everything is choice.
141 00:23:29.280 –> 00:23:33.450 Jason Mefford: yeah I mean we’re we’re ultimately responsible for everything yeah.
142 00:23:33.480 –> 00:23:37.050 Jason Mefford: Right and and I think sometimes too it’s it’s we get.
143 00:23:38.910 –> 00:23:44.820 Jason Mefford: We feel like we have to do something, because we’re told we have to do it.
144 00:23:45.120 –> 00:23:56.010 Jason Mefford: Yes, all right and that goes back to that command and control programming hey if the general asked you to jump you know when the middle of the air you’re asking how high Sir right, I mean that’s the old joke right.
145 00:23:56.130 –> 00:24:03.060 Jason Mefford: Yes, instead of you know today where it’s like well i’m sorry server, why do you want me to jump.
146 00:24:04.260 –> 00:24:16.320 Jason Mefford: Right this isn’t life and death right if we’re in a battle, and we can die command and control might might be more important, but what we’re doing is not and.
147 00:24:17.070 –> 00:24:35.490 Jason Mefford: You know, it should be okay to question, it should be okay to you know, bring up some of those things now we have to realize obviously and be responsible for whatever choice we may make, but I think you know, this is another thing to where we’ve really had people.
148 00:24:36.780 –> 00:24:45.330 Jason Mefford: effectively in slavery right working for these companies because it’s like well I can’t get another job because, if I you know I don’t have enough in my savings that.
149 00:24:45.780 –> 00:24:55.380 Jason Mefford: You know if I go without work for a while, you know I can’t pay my rent or my health insurance is with my employer right that’s a little trick.
150 00:24:55.680 –> 00:24:56.940 Angela Noelle: That people yeah that.
151 00:24:56.940 –> 00:25:03.660 Jason Mefford: They have to hold on to you in and what we’re seeing just in the marketplace in general is.
152 00:25:04.290 –> 00:25:07.740 Jason Mefford: employees have the power now.
153 00:25:09.180 –> 00:25:27.690 Jason Mefford: The employer always used to have the power, you do what I tell you to do, or else i’m going to fire you right Well now, I don’t care if you’re going to fire me right, so we all have a choice and, and again I don’t want to you know, make it.
154 00:25:28.740 –> 00:25:38.220 Jason Mefford: seem like well if you’re not happy, in your job just go get another job because that won’t work either right so so one of the partners that I used to work with.
155 00:25:39.510 –> 00:25:51.030 Jason Mefford: You told me a story once where he’s like you know, I was, I was because public accounting York a lot of hours and during busy times of the year we’d put in Haiti 90 hours sometimes so wasn’t sleeping very much.
156 00:25:51.090 –> 00:25:51.540 Angela Noelle: Right now.
157 00:25:52.530 –> 00:25:57.120 Jason Mefford: And, and he told me one time, he says, you know I left public accounting and went into corporate world.
158 00:25:57.750 –> 00:26:07.290 Jason Mefford: Because Oh, you know corporate or public accounting is making me work too much right, so he went into corporation, and then he came back to public accounting.
159 00:26:08.250 –> 00:26:28.590 Jason Mefford: And he told me said I realize it wasn’t public accounting, it was me that was working those hours right and so again ultimately it’s like that’s where the mirror comes in folks right is again if you’re not happy, where you’re at why aren’t you happy.
160 00:26:31.020 –> 00:26:48.570 Jason Mefford: Is it, is it really your employer, is it really your boss, or is it the way you’re showing up or not showing up that’s really the problem because, again, as I said before, it’s usually not a vm problem it’s a huge problem.
161 00:26:49.890 –> 00:27:01.830 Angela Noelle: yeah and you know I feel like just because of generations of going through this, I know I was reading something about even just the going back as far as the Industrial Revolution, the reason why we are in such this masculine.
162 00:27:02.400 –> 00:27:10.620 Angela Noelle: You know, and some time and it’s a buzzword now the toxic masculine culture right comes as far back probably even farther than that right, where.
163 00:27:11.070 –> 00:27:17.100 Angela Noelle: People you know, like there were jobs are things to do in order to survive, you to get these jobs and you have to work hard.
164 00:27:17.730 –> 00:27:24.930 Angela Noelle: And now I just feel like we’re in this very pivotal exciting time where people are starting to realize.
165 00:27:25.830 –> 00:27:36.630 Angela Noelle: hey like you said, we can choose and if I don’t like what’s going on in the workplace, a I can make a choice and.
166 00:27:37.170 –> 00:27:53.730 Angela Noelle: i’m not going to die right and I feel like going back to that toxic masculinity that was that came with a belief system that I mean even like mine, my dad talks about how he was raised by you know my grandfather who’s who’s from the greatest you know.
167 00:27:54.120 –> 00:28:06.540 Angela Noelle: generation generation and that generation, they were a byproduct of you know, children are to be seen and not heard and that’s you know there’s no there’s no negotiation there that’s just the way it is and so.
168 00:28:07.770 –> 00:28:18.930 Angela Noelle: Knowing that when I feel that, when you have this understanding of where it comes from, and that we’re still living this paradigm that’s like super outdated.
169 00:28:19.500 –> 00:28:29.520 Angela Noelle: seeing how people are getting sick like literally physically sick, you know there’s experts out there that talk about the time you know.
170 00:28:30.840 –> 00:28:39.270 Angela Noelle: illness and disease and healing is all about, you know what’s going on in our heads, but I feel like choice is a very powerful.
171 00:28:40.290 –> 00:28:47.280 Angela Noelle: to know that you have that agency, I think that’s where i’m trying to bring it back to the idea of agency is that.
172 00:28:49.830 –> 00:28:56.310 Angela Noelle: I don’t believe that we were really taught or so many people were taught to know that we have power, and we have agency.
173 00:28:56.670 –> 00:29:15.540 Angela Noelle: to live our own lives, like we’re always worried about it, you know Look how it seeps into meeting the you know external validation social media, it can go on and on and on um, but I feel that this is going to be really helpful to the goddesses and maybe the gods listening now.
174 00:29:17.370 –> 00:29:39.480 Jason Mefford: Well, and then I mean you, you know to I mean with with your audience as well, I mean we know that the you know words like toxic masculinity okay i’m a man I i’m not one of those men Okay, but, but we know that there is a shifting of the energy on the planet.
175 00:29:40.860 –> 00:29:55.680 Jason Mefford: And for 500 years we’ve been under mainly masculine energy influence it has changed right it’s been changing there’s been some things the last few years that have really.
176 00:29:56.460 –> 00:30:05.730 Jason Mefford: push that forward, and you know again part of that is command and control is a masculine energy form of leadership.
177 00:30:06.270 –> 00:30:24.720 Jason Mefford: That is not going to be successful in the future because that’s not the energy paradigm that we’re living on in this world right and things are not black and white that’s that’s another thing that so many people like to believe and in we feel like.
178 00:30:26.190 –> 00:30:38.160 Jason Mefford: Most of the time we don’t choose we decide we decide, based on the choices that are given to us right would you like chocolate ice cream or vanilla ice cream.
179 00:30:38.550 –> 00:30:47.130 Jason Mefford: Well i’d like neither one, thank you very much, I like cookies and cream better right, but we feel like we’re only stuck with that that it kind of reminds me, it was a.
180 00:30:48.450 –> 00:31:05.880 Jason Mefford: It popped into my head So here we go somebody’s supposed to hear this story, but when I was i’ve always been one to kind of see the world differently than other people, which makes me a little different right because I cry bullshit when I see bullshit okay and, and so I remember.
181 00:31:08.160 –> 00:31:10.380 Jason Mefford: I remember when I was a teenager I was in high school.
182 00:31:11.640 –> 00:31:26.250 Jason Mefford: And I was in German class so German, English or German language class right and our teacher was having a bad day she was kind of stressed out this girl across the room was making like funny faces at me and I started laughing.
183 00:31:27.420 –> 00:31:34.650 Jason Mefford: So you know she she took it out on me right Jason go out in the hall right you’ve been a bad kid go out in the hall right.
184 00:31:35.400 –> 00:31:44.940 Jason Mefford: And so I go out in the hall, and after a while, one of the students sticks their head out the door and says hey for our when blake says, you can come back in now if you’d like to.
185 00:31:46.860 –> 00:31:50.250 Jason Mefford: write notice the words you can come back in now if you’d like to.
186 00:31:51.300 –> 00:31:52.380 Jason Mefford: So I just sat in the hall.
187 00:31:53.880 –> 00:31:59.940 Jason Mefford: And a few minutes later she comes out and round round round round round round why didn’t you come back in when I told you to come back you.
188 00:32:00.630 –> 00:32:14.430 Jason Mefford: know you said come back in if I feel like coming back in I didn’t feel like coming back in go to the principal’s office blah blah blah blah blah blah blah right, so I go down to the principal’s office first well second time i’ve been in the principal’s Office, my whole life.
189 00:32:15.480 –> 00:32:26.340 Jason Mefford: explain the story and the principles like really that’s why you’re here right but but, again, it was I could have just done what I was told.
190 00:32:27.390 –> 00:32:28.590 Jason Mefford: But I chose something different.
191 00:32:29.820 –> 00:32:40.140 Jason Mefford: We all have the power to choose, we there will be consequences for whatever we choose, but we have, as long as we’re accept that and responsible for that that’s okay.
192 00:32:41.340 –> 00:32:47.190 Angela Noelle: And for people out there that are like yeah there’s consequences and then that is what i’m afraid of.
193 00:32:49.980 –> 00:33:00.480 Angela Noelle: So I feel like that is, that is, the kicker right because and we’re we know each other from the same community, where we talked about these kinds of things, all the time.
194 00:33:00.930 –> 00:33:23.040 Angela Noelle: There are consequences, and there are there are difficulties in life, and that is where my friend, the lessons life is you know, is working through these these consequences as a result of the choices that we make as individuals and to know that, while there is going to be.
195 00:33:24.510 –> 00:33:38.970 Angela Noelle: Things that come up that are not going to feel good, that is where the growth happens and so many people I know because people are reaching out to me and my DNS and my you know Facebook messenger and saying help you know.
196 00:33:40.140 –> 00:33:51.180 Angela Noelle: So, and so my mom’s not accepting me for my choices to do a B and C or whatever it is what should I do and there’s so much of that going on, but to know that if you’re not happy, in your life.
197 00:33:52.050 –> 00:34:05.310 Angela Noelle: That is a choice, and you can make different choices you pay the consequences, but where will, where do you where Where would you rather be you know stuck worrying about what people think of you or free.
198 00:34:06.420 –> 00:34:19.710 Jason Mefford: Well, in most of the time right, I mean this goes to the past, present future states right if we’re if we’re thinking, the future then we’re worried potentially or anxious about something that may or may not happen.
199 00:34:20.880 –> 00:34:30.330 Jason Mefford: And, most of the time it ain’t gonna happen okay so usually the worst thing that we think is going to happen is not what happens.
200 00:34:31.560 –> 00:34:49.260 Jason Mefford: And like you said, the growth comes from making mistakes that aren’t really mistakes that’s how we that’s how we grow and learn right, and so we just have to be willing to go on the ride and see where it takes us, because at the end of the day, we’re not going to die right.
201 00:34:50.070 –> 00:35:00.510 Jason Mefford: I had to go to the principal’s office oh I didn’t die right, you know if if somebody’s having an issue with people not accepting them.
202 00:35:01.830 –> 00:35:15.390 Jason Mefford: Okay what’s the worst that’s going to happen, they may not accept you, but a whole other group of people are going to very much except you right and you and I know that from firsthand experience too.
203 00:35:15.390 –> 00:35:16.830 Angela Noelle: yeah yeah there are.
204 00:35:17.850 –> 00:35:26.760 Angela Noelle: always going to be so many people out there that are going to love you for who you are but that happens when you decide to choose yourself first.
205 00:35:27.420 –> 00:35:43.260 Angela Noelle: And Jason what I mean I just love the impact that you’re making in the world and helping all these folks with corporate jobs, I know that people are going to hear this episode and really just resonate so many people have been in fear.
206 00:35:44.310 –> 00:35:53.430 Angela Noelle: for whatever reason, in their job and are going to relate to what we talked about what we are talking about So do you have any.
207 00:35:54.270 –> 00:36:05.910 Angela Noelle: You know, quick tips for people that are in jobs and they’re not happy they’re stock they’re noticing it’s affecting their health, they don’t like their boss, do you have any like quick.
208 00:36:06.600 –> 00:36:07.860 Jason Mefford: Quick quick little tips.
210 00:36:09.570 –> 00:36:10.410 Jason Mefford: Well, some of you know.
211 00:36:11.580 –> 00:36:17.790 Jason Mefford: One of the biggest ones that is so simple that people think oh this doesn’t work it’s just brief.
212 00:36:19.350 –> 00:36:27.240 Jason Mefford: If we just stop and breathe, so I even do this when i’m when i’m on stage, giving speeches right and people probably think that I am wacko NUTS so.
213 00:36:27.900 –> 00:36:36.480 Jason Mefford: When I start off at the beginning, right, like last week, I was given a speech, and so I had everybody put their hands in the air waving like you just don’t care right kind of thing.
214 00:36:37.110 –> 00:36:47.580 Jason Mefford: And I said okay now sit up you know hands on your hands on your thighs close your eyes breathe right and we went through and actually had them breathe for 30 seconds.
215 00:36:48.360 –> 00:36:57.000 Jason Mefford: totally different energy feel in that right, because so much of the time we’re stuck in the future the past and we’re not in the present.
216 00:36:57.750 –> 00:37:08.340 Jason Mefford: breathing and closing your eyes allows you even just for 10 seconds 30 seconds a minute right if you’ve got an iowa or a watch apple watch right.
217 00:37:08.850 –> 00:37:19.230 Jason Mefford: it’s bugging you all day to breathe there’s a reason for that right so that’s a very, very simple thing that you can do anywhere anytime.
218 00:37:20.070 –> 00:37:27.420 Jason Mefford: If you just need a break, you know another another quick easy thing to especially for people that are office workers is.
219 00:37:28.110 –> 00:37:37.020 Jason Mefford: You know when you’re feeling stuck or you’re feeling anxious do a what’s called a hemisphere i’ll switch which is if your legs are crossed one way.
220 00:37:37.590 –> 00:37:48.450 Jason Mefford: i’m crossing crossing the next way or wave your hands or do something, just to move your body, a little bit because the other thing is.
221 00:37:49.020 –> 00:37:57.960 Jason Mefford: You know, we spend so much of our time in our head, but we also have a heart, and we have a gut and the problem is, if you want to get out of your head.
222 00:37:58.650 –> 00:38:18.060 Jason Mefford: think it into your heart or get into your gut feel or do right so head heart gut think feel do, and so one of the quickest ways to you know make make the shift it’s just move just move for.
223 00:38:19.260 –> 00:38:31.620 Jason Mefford: 30 seconds and and you’re it’s it’s literally like your brain kind of reboots itself at that point, and then and then just focus on what happens to be right ahead of you.
224 00:38:33.990 –> 00:38:44.310 Angela Noelle: So, simple and I feel like we as humans overcomplicate things all the time, and we think that, in order to change, we need to you know do all these crazy things and really it’s.
225 00:38:44.850 –> 00:38:48.780 Jason Mefford: I have to go to a Zen Buddhist retreat for 12 days of silence, no.
226 00:38:49.260 –> 00:38:51.360 Jason Mefford: All you gotta do is breathe for 30 seconds.
227 00:38:51.930 –> 00:39:00.870 Angela Noelle: yeah and you have that Zen Buddhist retreat within you at any time through the breath, so I love those tips Jason Thank you so much, and.
228 00:39:01.260 –> 00:39:09.300 Angela Noelle: How can people find you who you know they’re listening and they’re like you know I really want to know more How can people look you up reach out to you.
229 00:39:10.080 –> 00:39:18.210 Jason Mefford: So, probably the easiest way is on my website, so I do, I do have a podcast as well, but if you go to Jason medford calm.
230 00:39:19.050 –> 00:39:26.940 Jason Mefford: You can pretty much find for em at different places I got YouTube and i’m all over you know different places, but that’s a good place for you to start.
231 00:39:27.780 –> 00:39:40.140 Jason Mefford: At that point there’s even a contact thing on there too, if you want to reach out social media and mainly on linkedin but you know again i’m trying to have more of a presence on Facebook and maybe at some point I will and instagram to.
232 00:39:41.220 –> 00:39:46.770 Jason Mefford: websites websites The easiest way to kind of find me, or at least cyber stalk me.
233 00:39:47.190 –> 00:39:49.380 Jason Mefford: and find all the other stuff that i’m doing so.
234 00:39:50.670 –> 00:40:08.760 Angela Noelle: Jason Thank you so so much i’m so grateful for having this opportunity to talk to you today, and thank you for talking to all the goddesses and maybe the gods listening and i’m going to link up your contact information into the show notes Thank you so so much.
235 00:40:09.150 –> 00:40:09.750 Jason Mefford: Thank you.
236 00:40:11.220 –> 00:40:23.970 Angela Noelle: And two goddesses For those of you listening remember to be radiant be powerfully authentic and know that you can reclaim your fire at any time until next time take care.
Looking to make money? Well today may be a helpful episode!
Today we have Phil Gerbyshak on the show to discuss the release of his new book “Social Selling Essentials” along with telling us about how to market our products and services better online.
Social selling is all about being in service to someone, that someone being the customer. When people see that your product isn’t just a means to extract money from others but an actual honest service they will be much more inclined to buy in to what it is you are selling.
If you wish to get a copy of Phil’s new book “Social Selling Essentials”, check out socialsellingessentials.com, connect with him on social media, or even give him a call: 414-640-7445, and yes that’s his actual phone number 🙂
Whether you realize it or not, you are probably more stressed out than you think.
In fact over 80% of people in the USA feel significantly stressed this year. Up about 20% from previous surveys from the American Psychological Association.
And when you experience long periods of stress, you may be just one conversation or event away from dealing with the dreaded burnout.
Burnout is a state of emotional and physical exhaustion that is brought upon by long periods of constant unrelenting stress. It renders you feeling depleted and dejected, and it’s real.
What we know: burnout is on the rise.
52% of survey respondents are experiencing burnout in 2021, up from the 43% who said the same in Indeed’s pre-Covid-19 survey, and 67% say burnout has worsened during the pandemic.
That’s why in this Jamming with Jason podcast episode “From Burn Out to on F.I.R.E” I am talking with Angela Noelle who helps people get out of that burnout rut. She uses her F.I.R.E. method that you can learn about in the episode.
So listen to the episode, grab your flint and tinder and let’s catch FIRE instead of burning out!
And after you listen, make sure to share this with your friends, family, and co-workers. Chances are it’s something challenging them with stats that high.
Get a VIP backstage pass and behind the scenes information when you join the VIP Lounge with Jason Mefford: https://www.jasonmefford.com/vip/
Whether you realize it or not, you may be more stressed out than you think. Due to this, you may be just one conversation or event away from dealing with the dreaded burnout.
In today’s episode we have Angela Noelle with us to help anyone get out of that burnout rut through teaching:
Financial Abundance, Inner Peace, Radiant Health, & Energy Alignment.
So grab your flint and tinder and let’s catch FIRE!
Get a VIP backstage pass and behind the scenes information when you sign up for The Jamming with Jason newsletter: https://bit.ly/3k53OjS
1 00:00:01.319 –> 00:00:11.070 Jason Mefford: Alright, well, I have a really exciting episode for you today because we’re going to be talking about going from burnout to on fire here.
2 00:00:11.730 –> 00:00:18.780 Jason Mefford: Now I know you might be listening sitting to this and thinking hey Jason i’m not burned out why are you talking about this well.
3 00:00:19.380 –> 00:00:27.270 Jason Mefford: Whether you realize it or not, you might actually be more stressed out than you realize, because a lot of studies say that about 80% of people.
4 00:00:27.870 –> 00:00:49.470 Jason Mefford: Are stressed out and you might be just one bad conversation or one bad day away from getting pushed into burnout and so i’m excited today to have Angela Noel with me and we’re going to talk about how you can go from burnout to on fire so let’s roll that episode.
5 00:00:51.870 –> 00:01:00.090 Jason Mefford: All right, Angela welcome today, I know I always like to do this at the beginning, people can see that are on the video but it’s like I love to read my my hands together like.
6 00:01:01.290 –> 00:01:02.640 Angela Noelle: Oh, I love it I love it.
7 00:01:04.170 –> 00:01:08.550 Angela Noelle: In Chinese medicine, we say that’s like activating the Chi when you rub your hands together.
8 00:01:08.850 –> 00:01:15.810 Jason Mefford: So it was it’s like that reminds me like the old karate kid you know when Mr miyagi did that and then he, like rubbing his hands together and put it on yeah.
9 00:01:15.930 –> 00:01:17.310 Yes, yeah stuff.
10 00:01:19.050 –> 00:01:24.540 Jason Mefford: Well we’re going to talk about a little bit of healing kind of to, I guess, in a way today right because.
11 00:01:25.650 –> 00:01:36.210 Jason Mefford: i’m excited to have you on because you know you, you have this fire program right and you’re kind of helping people that have gone through burnout so so maybe you know again just.
12 00:01:37.020 –> 00:01:47.940 Jason Mefford: give a brief intro on kind of how how you help people because i’ve got lots of questions because, like I said a lot of people are way more stressed out than they realize.
13 00:01:48.240 –> 00:01:51.600 Jason Mefford: And I think there’s some simple things we can do so, we don’t end up.
14 00:01:52.110 –> 00:01:54.300 Jason Mefford: You know, going down in flames.
15 00:01:55.110 –> 00:01:56.370 Jason Mefford: Instead of getting on fire.
16 00:01:57.090 –> 00:01:57.750 Yes.
17 00:01:58.920 –> 00:02:12.030 Angela Noelle: Oh, my gosh yeah so a lot like you said Jason I think burnout is one of those things, a lot of people don’t realize that they are in, and they might have negative connotations, maybe they heard about somebody that was in burnout from a previous experience.
18 00:02:12.360 –> 00:02:31.260 Angela Noelle: And what most people don’t realize is that any form of stress is ultimately often going to lead to burnout and it can show up in the the mind, it can show up in the body, and it can show up in the spirit, so I am here to help.
19 00:02:32.430 –> 00:02:35.910 Angela Noelle: The driven business owner entrepreneur.
20 00:02:37.020 –> 00:02:46.290 Angela Noelle: Just end burnout so that they can have everything that they want in their life they want, they have the fight so fire is an acronym for financial abundance in our peace radiant health.
21 00:02:46.770 –> 00:02:56.460 Angela Noelle: and energy alignment, so that they can have more fun and freedom in their life and joy and happiness because let’s face it that’s what most people want don’t they.
22 00:02:57.510 –> 00:03:07.020 Jason Mefford: Well fun and freedom Those are two of my highest values, so I love I love that you actually brought those up, I actually my the company values are all Apps to I just like F words.
23 00:03:10.290 –> 00:03:10.920 Jason Mefford: Right okay.
24 00:03:12.930 –> 00:03:15.390 Jason Mefford: yeah for those that have been listening for a while right, you know.
25 00:03:16.170 –> 00:03:22.380 Jason Mefford: But, but I wanted to you know me because I want to jump in and talk about the fire acronym because I think it’s.
26 00:03:22.950 –> 00:03:35.580 Jason Mefford: it’s brilliant to and kind of just the basics, I understand, about it because I think what you’re doing are some pieces people normally don’t think about right and so.
27 00:03:36.000 –> 00:03:46.290 Jason Mefford: But I, but I wanted to before we kind of jump into that I wanted to kind of talk about maybe some warning signs and what this means is because, again, as I, as I said at the beginning, right.
28 00:03:46.860 –> 00:03:58.530 Jason Mefford: And you even just kind of said here, a lot of people are probably like well I i’m not in burnout that’s what other people do right i’m a strong person I would never get burned out right.
29 00:03:59.130 –> 00:04:08.280 Jason Mefford: But i’m thinking there’s probably some warning signs right to know if you’re getting closer right are there, certain warning signs that you typically see.
30 00:04:08.940 –> 00:04:15.750 Angela Noelle: yeah you know, especially for the over Doers and the overachievers of the world who feel like they’re checking all the boxes right they.
31 00:04:16.680 –> 00:04:22.530 Angela Noelle: i’m doing all my workouts and you know i’m doing really well at that and i’m going and i’m.
32 00:04:23.010 –> 00:04:31.650 Angela Noelle: Eating my salads every day and i’m doing all the right things like often box checkers I would say, are the I mean burnout I think is a.
33 00:04:32.010 –> 00:04:40.260 Angela Noelle: You know, is everywhere, but for the more subtle the people that are experiencing burnout and it’s more subtle and they don’t believe that they’re him or not, I would say it’s that.
34 00:04:40.680 –> 00:04:48.900 Angela Noelle: group of people, because they feel like they’re doing everything right and like kind of that perfectionist persona right.
35 00:04:49.320 –> 00:04:55.050 Angela Noelle: When what they’re actually doing is they are living their lives by a checklist.
36 00:04:55.470 –> 00:05:11.370 Angela Noelle: and not necessarily living in alignment to who they truly are basically what i’m saying is they’re living their lives, according to what they think they should be doing according to somebody else’s standards and not what truly makes them happy.
37 00:05:12.840 –> 00:05:17.970 Jason Mefford: And so i’m guessing those people to that are kind of the overdose is the box textures that perfectionist right.
38 00:05:18.360 –> 00:05:25.710 Jason Mefford: they’re going along thinking that everything is running on all cylinders right there they’re probably the ones that hit the wall harder.
39 00:05:26.250 –> 00:05:32.460 Jason Mefford: than other people, because it really creeps up onto them and they don’t realize how tired they actually are because that’s why.
40 00:05:32.760 –> 00:05:39.270 Jason Mefford: You know, thinking about it’s like okay people that are listening right well i’m not in burnout well do you wake up tired in the morning.
41 00:05:39.750 –> 00:05:48.060 Jason Mefford: Are you tired of all during the day right do you feel like you don’t have enough energy, you know all of these things that I think most people would say well.
42 00:05:48.570 –> 00:05:58.620 Jason Mefford: yeah I am kind of tired right and i’m and it’s not just like I didn’t get a good night’s sleep one night I haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in a month or two months.
43 00:05:58.710 –> 00:05:59.670 Jason Mefford: or a year.
44 00:05:59.880 –> 00:06:06.270 Jason Mefford: right that those are probably again some of the things that can be creeping up on people and they don’t even realize it.
45 00:06:06.660 –> 00:06:18.120 Angela Noelle: And they don’t realize it because you know what we’re you know we live in a society where it’s just we’re expected to just do certain things and overdue and we don’t really even know most people don’t even realize that.
46 00:06:18.480 –> 00:06:30.360 Angela Noelle: There are options you don’t have to live that way and for people that are chronically tired we’ll just talk about that because that’s a you know, an epidemic, in my opinion is that so many people.
47 00:06:31.020 –> 00:06:50.910 Angela Noelle: are tired and when I had my acupuncture practice, these are the people that you know they thought okay well i’m tired that’s just the way that it is like everybody’s tired and then they come to the acupuncture clinic and they’re like you know what like I have this like random thing.
48 00:06:50.940 –> 00:06:53.370 Angela Noelle: You know that just popped up in my life this.
49 00:06:53.670 –> 00:07:00.510 Angela Noelle: You know, I was walking on the sidewalk and all of a sudden, you know my knee went out.
50 00:07:01.080 –> 00:07:09.240 Angela Noelle: You know so it’s like those they’re like I wasn’t really even doing anything and I hurt myself, and it could be, because they’re tired they weren’t paying attention.
51 00:07:09.510 –> 00:07:17.760 Angela Noelle: Or maybe they’re out of you know they didn’t stretch or they’re not taking care of their body, the way that their body wants to be taken care of so.
52 00:07:19.020 –> 00:07:22.770 Angela Noelle: there’s so many ways that burnout happens, but.
53 00:07:24.570 –> 00:07:30.660 Angela Noelle: For those that are I mean just talking from the standpoint of being tired, I think that.
54 00:07:31.470 –> 00:07:39.420 Angela Noelle: Most people are tired if you’re somebody that like you said you wake up tired, you need to drink coffee throughout the day just to get through your workday.
55 00:07:39.930 –> 00:07:58.770 Angela Noelle: And if you stop this is another thing that I hear often from my women clients if I sit down once during the day for more than 30 seconds I will fall asleep that is so so common if you’re feeling that chances are you’re in burnout.
56 00:07:59.550 –> 00:08:06.900 Jason Mefford: yeah well and it’s and we’re not talking about, because there is a thing called adrenal fatigue right which is your adrenal.
58 00:08:09.450 –> 00:08:13.800 Jason Mefford: renal fatigue, which is, which is really I mean that’s like to another level.
59 00:08:13.980 –> 00:08:20.520 Jason Mefford: Right at that point but but it’s it’s this this whole idea that again and it’s let me.
60 00:08:22.290 –> 00:08:26.730 Jason Mefford: Let me go back and say it this way is it okay to have burnout.
61 00:08:27.930 –> 00:08:36.300 Jason Mefford: Is it Okay, if I feel like i’m burning out if I feel like i’m tired all the time, is it okay for me to admit that.
62 00:08:37.230 –> 00:08:40.050 Angela Noelle: Is it okay to admit that that I actually have it.
63 00:08:41.340 –> 00:08:51.060 Angela Noelle: um well I think most people feel that by admitting that you have burnout or admitting just that you’re tired and you need to just you know take it down a few notches.
64 00:08:51.420 –> 00:08:59.640 Angela Noelle: That that must mean that you’re not good enough, you know you’re not a good enough parent you’re not a good enough business owner and you’re not a good enough.
65 00:09:00.540 –> 00:09:11.220 Angela Noelle: wife husband partner daughter son, and you know that I think that just comes from you know years and years of living in a culture where.
66 00:09:11.550 –> 00:09:21.450 Angela Noelle: As we were discussing earlier Jason just being in a masculine ised culture where overwork Overdoing all that is in productivity.
67 00:09:22.080 –> 00:09:36.450 Angela Noelle: is valued and to actually say hey you know I need to take a break, then there’s often this feeling like i’m letting somebody down and then we’re going into people pleasing and all the other things that come from there, so.
68 00:09:38.250 –> 00:09:39.120 Angela Noelle: The thing is.
69 00:09:40.620 –> 00:09:55.950 Angela Noelle: Our normal state is to be thriving is to be healthy, is to be happy to feel good and most people don’t think that’s even possible because it’s not something that’s like been infused into our culture.
70 00:09:56.880 –> 00:10:07.050 Angela Noelle: We just think this is the norm and by us saying that were burned out, we must not be, we must not be normal there’s something wrong with us.
71 00:10:07.890 –> 00:10:14.940 Jason Mefford: Because that’s what that’s where I was kind of trying to go with this, because I feel like it’s it’s in this way, but also so many.
72 00:10:15.660 –> 00:10:27.930 Jason Mefford: Other parts of our life is that we feel like we can’t admit if any of these things are happening because you know it must mean that there’s something wrong with me.
73 00:10:28.830 –> 00:10:39.210 Jason Mefford: When there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you look around you if 10 people around you seven or eight of them are feeling exactly the same way, you are.
74 00:10:39.990 –> 00:10:48.090 Jason Mefford: But they’re just afraid to admit it, just like you’re afraid to admit it right, I mean that’s that’s why again, especially here in the US, we have a mental.
75 00:10:48.870 –> 00:10:58.080 Jason Mefford: health crisis but nobody’s talking about it right and and burnout and some of these other things, all kind of go with that and.
76 00:10:58.710 –> 00:11:14.430 Jason Mefford: You know i’m guessing to like the clients that you work with right just saying it or admitting it to yourself and realizing it’s okay has to release a lot of the tension that goes along with it.
77 00:11:14.640 –> 00:11:28.470 Angela Noelle: Right yeah yeah absolutely just by saying it out loud or telling a confidant I mean you know that’s why we, you know we find refuge and talking to each other right that’s why.
78 00:11:29.220 –> 00:11:41.910 Angela Noelle: Kobe was such a was so hard for so many people is that lack of connection when we can connect with other people and tell them how we are truly feeling that is a huge weight off our shoulders and.
79 00:11:43.140 –> 00:11:47.610 Angela Noelle: I you know going to what you were saying about, we have a mental health problem.
80 00:11:48.240 –> 00:12:00.750 Angela Noelle: yeah if you’re if you know what we often believe we need to do as a culture is if we’re feeling say we’re feeling we were getting migraines as a result of button burnout because that’s often a sign of burnout right or back pain.
81 00:12:01.380 –> 00:12:13.440 Angela Noelle: A lot of people tend to go right to their their medical doctor which i’m all for Western medicine emergency medicine, we need that but oftentimes doctors will just say something like well.
82 00:12:14.100 –> 00:12:22.170 Angela Noelle: you’re stressed like and they’ll they’ll work within their scope of practice and how they were trading nothing against them.
83 00:12:22.710 –> 00:12:30.690 Angela Noelle: And they’ll either prescribe something or they’ll say, well, this is just something you know if you develop a condition from this stress.
84 00:12:31.050 –> 00:12:37.080 Angela Noelle: high blood pressure, heart disease Well, this is just something that you have to deal with, for the rest of your life.
85 00:12:37.650 –> 00:12:45.480 Angela Noelle: And this is what i’m going to prescribe to I think doctors are getting a little bit better about that, but that’s been the standard for.
86 00:12:46.110 –> 00:12:58.800 Angela Noelle: Care so really burned out people are not getting the attention that they actually need when they actually need it, which is before it actually becomes a big problem.
87 00:13:00.030 –> 00:13:02.280 Jason Mefford: Well, and it’s not you know again it’s not.
88 00:13:03.450 –> 00:13:16.350 Jason Mefford: That you’re weak he it’s just you know, sometimes again it’s just like a battery and any electronic device right if you run it long enough without recharging it.
89 00:13:17.100 –> 00:13:23.460 Jason Mefford: Eventually it’s going to run out right and and again a lot of times that frenetic nature that we tend to be and as.
90 00:13:23.910 –> 00:13:29.820 Jason Mefford: You know, over performing Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo I got to be the best mother in the world, the best Father in the world, you know.
91 00:13:30.360 –> 00:13:40.380 Jason Mefford: Whatever it happens to be that we tend to overextend ourselves really to you know have us kind of crash and burn a little bit right which is.
92 00:13:40.740 –> 00:13:50.730 Jason Mefford: Which is what you’re helping people with, and so you know I know you know you work with a lot of female entrepreneurs, but what we’re going to talk about is really relevant for anybody.
93 00:13:50.970 –> 00:13:54.210 Jason Mefford: Right and that’s one of the reasons why I wanted to have you on here because.
94 00:13:54.900 –> 00:14:04.140 Jason Mefford: So so let’s talk a little bit about the fire process that you have kind of what each of these are because, like I said is you kind of told me what they were I was like.
95 00:14:04.800 –> 00:14:11.820 Jason Mefford: Most people don’t have that or haven’t thought about that thing so let’s let’s go through and kind of talk about each one of them and.
96 00:14:12.210 –> 00:14:13.560 Jason Mefford: yeah what it what it.
97 00:14:13.680 –> 00:14:19.320 Jason Mefford: You know how you help people to get away from the burnout and instead be on fire yeah.
98 00:14:19.830 –> 00:14:23.310 Angela Noelle: I said it burned out from from the fire actually.
99 00:14:23.340 –> 00:14:32.400 Jason Mefford: you’re on fire, the fire, you are, that you are the actual fire and I want everybody listening to know that it is possible for each and every one.
100 00:14:32.760 –> 00:14:43.650 Angela Noelle: Of you out there who you’re if you’re going through a hard time that it is possible to be on fire, and it is possible to thrive, so my unique method is called reclaim your fire.
101 00:14:44.040 –> 00:14:54.090 Angela Noelle: it’s also the name of my podcast and what I do is so I meant my training is originally in Chinese medicine, I had a practice in Boston for.
102 00:14:54.600 –> 00:15:12.270 Angela Noelle: 1211 years and I closed it just last year in 2020 so what the idea is that our most important asset is our health, our physical body, so I work with clients oftentimes they reach out to me when they’re having.
103 00:15:12.870 –> 00:15:21.690 Angela Noelle: A physical condition manifest from burnout stress not having boundaries, you know it goes on there’s so many ways that burnout happens.
104 00:15:22.080 –> 00:15:31.620 Angela Noelle: And so we work really closely on getting their health in check by forming that foundation, so the are and fire is radiant health.
105 00:15:32.490 –> 00:15:44.940 Angela Noelle: So when you think about a radiantly healthy person, you know they glow right they have they’re feeling on top of the world they’re waking up like you said they’re feeling not tired they’re feeling energetic.
106 00:15:45.720 –> 00:15:50.610 Jason Mefford: And like I got another day above ground i’m so excited i’m happy to be alive right.
107 00:15:50.880 –> 00:15:59.010 Angela Noelle: Yes, they’re grateful I work with gratitude a lot because really it’s about raising our vibration right and.
108 00:16:00.180 –> 00:16:14.130 Angela Noelle: and implementing habits that will support these things, so the next way is so I stands for inner peace, and I know i’m jumping around not going in order but.
109 00:16:14.940 –> 00:16:22.950 Angela Noelle: I is inner peace so once we kind of you know we’re always working on the foundation of getting the body physical body in check.
110 00:16:23.430 –> 00:16:33.360 Angela Noelle: And then i’m bringing in the other aspects of the fire so inner peace like what is it that you need to do, or who do you need to be to have inner peace.
111 00:16:33.750 –> 00:16:43.200 Angela Noelle: And it may just be a matter of looking at your to do list or looking at your day to day life and seeing what is in there.
112 00:16:43.770 –> 00:16:51.210 Angela Noelle: That is not aligning with inner peace, and it could be just something really simple like Oh, you know and so so and so text me.
113 00:16:51.750 –> 00:17:05.610 Angela Noelle: I don’t need to respond to them right away, I can maybe respond to them later or over the weekend or at a time that’s convenient for you, so what whatever habits are involved, I talk about habits, a lot to bring in inner peace.
114 00:17:06.990 –> 00:17:18.390 Angela Noelle: And then, for the essence fires financial freedom or financial abundance, because most people you know, money is an interesting thing and i’ve been through this myself where.
115 00:17:19.590 –> 00:17:26.910 Angela Noelle: Most people don’t talk about money or it’s shameful to talk about money or it’s embarrassing or you don’t talk about how much you make it’s how I grew up.
116 00:17:27.660 –> 00:17:40.830 Angela Noelle: But really money is just energy and money is a reflection of who we are and that’s all it is so if you’re listening to this and you’re not in the financial situation or place that you want to be.
117 00:17:41.250 –> 00:17:48.990 Angela Noelle: This is an invitation to really look at where, am I in my health where, am I in my inner peace and, finally, with.
118 00:17:50.070 –> 00:18:02.700 Angela Noelle: He is energy alignment and energy is so so so so important, and I don’t mean to brush over the money piece, but bringing it all together in the fire is when.
119 00:18:03.240 –> 00:18:15.300 Angela Noelle: The energy alignment is about tapping into you know what works best for my energy not you know, yes, energy, how we think of it we all want more energy.
120 00:18:15.780 –> 00:18:32.370 Angela Noelle: Most of us don’t feel like they have we have enough energy, but also what works best for my individual energy system and I talk in that category, about the balance of yin and Yang and.
121 00:18:33.420 –> 00:18:37.050 Angela Noelle: Also, the divine masculine and feminine energies.
122 00:18:38.100 –> 00:18:50.670 Angela Noelle: Which are you know energy in its purest form, we need to have a balance in Chinese medicine, we talked about this, you know, and you know the the black and white tae JI symbol.
123 00:18:51.240 –> 00:19:00.600 Angela Noelle: That represents again and young and the balance in the entire universe right and we’re just microcosms of the entire universe.
124 00:19:01.770 –> 00:19:09.300 Angela Noelle: So when we’re not in balance, you know whether we’re too much in the masculine or which is Overdoing.
125 00:19:10.320 –> 00:19:18.930 Angela Noelle: Over committing people pleasing doing all the things of being in a very busy culture, then we’re going to start to notice our feminine.
126 00:19:19.410 –> 00:19:27.600 Angela Noelle: become more and more wounded right our intuition gets cut off for women who are cycling, maybe your period starts to.
127 00:19:28.200 –> 00:19:36.270 Angela Noelle: You start noticing imbalances, or you develop endometriosis or infertility I dealt with that so much in my acupuncture practice so.
128 00:19:37.050 –> 00:19:47.940 Angela Noelle: it’s a very holistic approach to working with clients where it’s not just about the physical body, because that’s why I left clinical work.
129 00:19:48.450 –> 00:20:03.090 Angela Noelle: Was I just felt like it was only working with people’s physical health and it’s not just about physical health, because if we don’t have the other pieces of the fire, then we don’t really have physical health or.
130 00:20:04.140 –> 00:20:09.150 Angela Noelle: Those physical conditions are going to keep coming back, which is what I saw all the time in the practice.
131 00:20:09.450 –> 00:20:15.870 Jason Mefford: yeah cuz you’re just you’re just ban dating the symptom instead of actually getting rid of the root cause right.
132 00:20:16.950 –> 00:20:26.430 Jason Mefford: yeah well and what I want to kind of do than to is is just because again for some people listening, some of these concepts might be like holy crap i’ve never heard of that before well let’s just.
133 00:20:27.210 –> 00:20:36.120 Jason Mefford: Bear with this right let’s let’s talk a little bit about this, because I think sometimes there’s some some misconceptions as well right and so.
134 00:20:36.660 –> 00:20:55.320 Jason Mefford: You know the yin and Yang masculine feminine that is not male female right okay it’s it’s like you kind of talked about the masculine energy is more the doing the overthinking the you know that kind of stuff where the the feminine How would you describe that I guess different.
135 00:20:55.740 –> 00:21:08.640 Angela Noelle: yeah so um so for the masculine I like to think of the sun, you know when i’m describing the sun and daylight and strong energy, you know people during the day are often like bustling around right.
136 00:21:09.030 –> 00:21:23.520 Angela Noelle: Whereas the feminine is more the moon it’s more inward it’s more nighttime it’s more quiet it’s the feminine energy is about getting in touch with your inner wisdom so going within.
137 00:21:24.060 –> 00:21:39.450 Angela Noelle: And tapping into your intuition and what most people don’t realize, is that you know because we’ve been living in this culture where like we were talking in a previous conversation Jason of what was the control and.
138 00:21:39.810 –> 00:21:40.620 Jason Mefford: command and control.
139 00:21:40.770 –> 00:21:43.740 Angela Noelle: command and control right we’re used to being.
140 00:21:43.860 –> 00:21:53.640 Angela Noelle: told what to do and how to think and how to live our lives we’re used to being taking in information from the external.
141 00:21:54.990 –> 00:22:05.340 Angela Noelle: to inform how we make decisions and what school we go to and and what book we’re going to read and who we marry, etc, etc, etc.
142 00:22:06.510 –> 00:22:16.320 Angela Noelle: But what most people don’t know is that all of that knowledge that aligns with who we truly are when we were born, we incarnated on this planet.
143 00:22:16.890 –> 00:22:30.480 Angela Noelle: that’s our truest nature, and I might be going a little out there, but what i’m saying is that we all have that knowledge to make the decisions that are going to make us happy.
144 00:22:31.590 –> 00:22:35.520 Angela Noelle: So that we’re not in constant burnout and fatigue because we’re always.
145 00:22:37.620 –> 00:22:41.850 Angela Noelle: doing what we feel other people or other organizations want from us.
146 00:22:42.960 –> 00:22:51.990 Jason Mefford: Once I really kind of from the energy alignment because I wanted to try to maybe give a couple of examples for people to maybe where this is kind of like new to them right and again it’s it’s.
147 00:22:52.440 –> 00:23:05.100 Jason Mefford: it’s about balance okay and anytime that we get out of balance things start not going our way right so again it has nothing to do with whether you’re male or female.
148 00:23:05.520 –> 00:23:17.910 Jason Mefford: Right, think about the balance in your life let’s say right, and so I love the example of art and science Okay, so if we if we take art and science, we could say.
149 00:23:18.450 –> 00:23:30.720 Jason Mefford: Well, science is kind of like the masculine energy right the numbers, the logic, the things like that right art is the beauty of the flowing the whatever right.
150 00:23:31.020 –> 00:23:31.950 Jason Mefford: Okay, so.
151 00:23:32.340 –> 00:23:44.910 Jason Mefford: So if we if we take this as an example, if i’m a if i’m a scientist, but all I do is science science science science science science science science science science right.
152 00:23:45.600 –> 00:24:00.660 Jason Mefford: i’m probably not going to be a very good scientists you got to have some art with the science Okay, in fact, I was just you know hearing today, and this is true, you you look at some of the greatest scientists of all time they were also great artists.
153 00:24:01.590 –> 00:24:05.790 Jason Mefford: Leonardo da Vinci, is one of those people even Albert Einstein.
154 00:24:06.300 –> 00:24:17.280 Jason Mefford: fabulous scientists, but the man played violin like nobody’s business right he he had that balance in his life that’s what we all need that’s some of the energy alignment right.
155 00:24:17.730 –> 00:24:21.750 Jason Mefford: Another one another simple one, even can be is like you said, where it’s.
156 00:24:22.290 –> 00:24:31.110 Jason Mefford: it’s what works for you right so some people, one of the people on my team he didn’t like to get up until 11 or 12 each day great.
157 00:24:31.770 –> 00:24:38.670 Jason Mefford: Right, so he works from like 12 until I don’t know whenever he kind of works throughout the day and goes to bed at like midnight or two in the morning.
158 00:24:39.570 –> 00:24:53.550 Jason Mefford: that’s what works for him right that balances his energy or his circadian rhythm right doesn’t work for me right at 10 1030 i’m a i’m a pumpkin i’m in bed.
159 00:24:54.390 –> 00:24:55.860 Jason Mefford: Even sometimes a 30.
160 00:24:57.810 –> 00:25:02.370 Jason Mefford: So that’s kind of what we’re talking about to from an energy perspective as well right to try to help.
161 00:25:03.270 –> 00:25:17.490 Jason Mefford: make some analogies for people that are like Well, this is the first time i’ve heard about it so it’s think about in your life, do you feel unbalanced in certain ways, maybe here’s an opportunity for you to rebalance some of that aren’t you.
162 00:25:18.240 –> 00:25:36.510 Angela Noelle: yeah yeah and I like how you explained it really simply it’s you know how are you this is an opportunity to really look at yourself and look at your life and and discover, you know how are you are, you really feeling like Jason how are you really feeling, how do you feel in your body.
163 00:25:38.070 –> 00:26:00.660 Angela Noelle: And, most people don’t really even know how to answer that question, most people don’t even know who they are, and it really just comes down, I think, like you said just keeping it super super stupid simple like not like you’re stupid, but like ridiculously simple, so that people can really.
164 00:26:02.400 –> 00:26:12.660 Angela Noelle: start to tune into this way of being because when you start to really connect with yourself and connect with how you’re feeling and know.
165 00:26:13.110 –> 00:26:24.240 Angela Noelle: me most people know wouldn’t you agree, like something doesn’t feel right right they go to the wall, they go to their job and it’s like oh like this doesn’t feel good you know, most people know.
166 00:26:25.680 –> 00:26:32.220 Angela Noelle: At least know when they feel good when they feel bad and then you just kind of build on that over time and.
167 00:26:33.000 –> 00:26:48.360 Angela Noelle: I think what I would like to impart is that it just you know, to give yourself grace and space to discover this about yourself it’s not something that’s going to happen, and you know, a two hour class like it’s a lifetime of exploration yeah.
168 00:26:49.740 –> 00:26:56.640 Jason Mefford: Well, I wanted to go back and talk a little bit about some of these other ones, because the financial the F is here’s one two right where.
169 00:26:57.090 –> 00:27:06.870 Jason Mefford: You know, and again it’s it’s it’s one of those where I can’t remember the numbers but it’s it’s too too big, of a number 70 or 80% of people in the US are living paycheck to paycheck.
170 00:27:07.170 –> 00:27:17.220 Jason Mefford: yeah and and we also know that you know, one of the biggest stressors in marriages, one of the biggest reasons for divorce is finance.
171 00:27:17.640 –> 00:27:27.090 Jason Mefford: Finances money, money, money, money right, and so you know I remember being taught very early by my by my parents and by other.
172 00:27:28.050 –> 00:27:40.440 Jason Mefford: kind of family mentors that I knew who were successful right and he is they, one of the guys I used to work for he said it doesn’t matter how much you make it matters, how much you spend.
173 00:27:41.940 –> 00:27:54.150 Jason Mefford: And so, his point always being right he was a very good person who saved some of his money to be able to be you know financially free in in.
174 00:27:56.100 –> 00:27:58.560 Jason Mefford: yeah because, because what i’ve what i’ve seen and what I tell a lot of.
175 00:27:58.560 –> 00:28:13.710 Jason Mefford: People sometimes is people think well I can’t save any money or I can’t do anything, or I can’t you know BA BA BA BA BA right, so they feel all that pressure, financially and something as simple as having one month or three months worth of savings.
176 00:28:14.940 –> 00:28:27.960 Jason Mefford: Has like this calming effect on people who have been used to their whole life just never having money in the Bank, I was just talking to somebody actually a while ago.
177 00:28:28.620 –> 00:28:38.820 Jason Mefford: And I think they’ve got three or $4,000 in their savings account now it’s the most this person has ever had in their savings account in their life.
178 00:28:40.080 –> 00:28:42.480 Jason Mefford: How do you think that makes them feel right.
179 00:28:42.870 –> 00:28:43.410 Angela Noelle: mm hmm.
180 00:28:43.710 –> 00:28:53.520 Jason Mefford: Much different much different right because all that anxiety and the stress and the everything else and yeah it’s not a great amount of money, but for this person.
181 00:28:54.390 –> 00:29:02.610 Jason Mefford: it’s huge right, and so I know the financial abundance goes much further than that, but was trying to think of.
182 00:29:03.090 –> 00:29:18.810 Jason Mefford: You know kind of a simple thing I don’t know if you if you share other things, with people about how does that pillar kind of work to help us southern we we can be on fire, we can feel like we’re powerful instead of feeling like we’re burned out or her small.
183 00:29:19.260 –> 00:29:29.190 Angela Noelle: yeah i’m so glad that we’re picking this apart jason’s and first of all I just disclaimer I don’t consider i’m i’m not a money.
184 00:29:30.630 –> 00:29:43.140 Angela Noelle: Expert as far as like financial planning my angle with financial abundance is the idea that when you can get your you know your ducks in a row right So those are the components of the fire.
185 00:29:43.950 –> 00:29:53.070 Angela Noelle: And you can get your health and check when you align with who you are when you’re creating and doing the things that you love when you truly learn how to.
186 00:29:55.260 –> 00:30:10.620 Angela Noelle: Practice self care that is more than just going to the nail salon and going to the massage but it’s really a matter of really getting in tune with what you’re saying yes to and what you’re saying no to and you lead from your heart and not your head.
187 00:30:12.360 –> 00:30:13.830 Angela Noelle: The money is going to just come.
188 00:30:15.270 –> 00:30:25.860 Angela Noelle: So that is, that is how I work with people I have single handedly i’ve seen it happen with my my clients with myself with people, my friends.
189 00:30:26.400 –> 00:30:35.040 Angela Noelle: And I know it sounds it might sound like magic or kind of whoo whoo there are some really good books out there that talk about this subject, just.
190 00:30:35.880 –> 00:30:50.820 Angela Noelle: Money is just a tool it’s just energy and it’s a reflection of who we are, internally and if we’re always hating on ourselves, or even you know you were talking about the people that.
191 00:30:51.870 –> 00:31:03.600 Angela Noelle: Just knew now have three or $4,000 in their bank account, where the biz before they did not they never had that kind of savings, what was the conversation that they were having every single day.
192 00:31:05.280 –> 00:31:19.800 Angela Noelle: In themselves within themselves or with their spouse or whoever they’re sharing their life with about money was it, you know, is it was it coming from a place of possibility or was it coming from a place of fear and.
193 00:31:22.380 –> 00:31:36.390 Angela Noelle: And you know, this translates into all aspects of our life what we think about expands right so some people who, you may have listened to, or watch the secret right like the law of attraction what we.
194 00:31:37.650 –> 00:31:44.940 Angela Noelle: how we go about our day every single thought every single thought that we think on a daily basis.
195 00:31:46.110 –> 00:32:02.100 Angela Noelle: is going out there and it’s being either felt by somebody so how many times have you been out, and you know you you thought of a person, and then you run into them or they text or they call you or how many times have you worried about something happening and it actually happened.
196 00:32:03.150 –> 00:32:13.080 Angela Noelle: Because you’re ruminating and you’re thinking about it well, you can actually use that brain of yours, you know that big brain in our heads and choose.
197 00:32:14.130 –> 00:32:28.080 Angela Noelle: your thoughts or at least become awake starts with awareness and then with awareness becomes choice right i’m choosing a new thought and over time it’s really astounding at what happens with people’s finances.
198 00:32:29.340 –> 00:32:44.340 Jason Mefford: Well it’s it’s interesting because again kind of these four areas right financial kind of the inner inner peace, the the health aspect and then just kind of the alignment energy and the alignment of what you’re doing right is that.
199 00:32:45.600 –> 00:32:55.890 Jason Mefford: When any one of these is off kilter we’re out of balance right so here, instead of just talking about yin and Yang as to right we’re talking kind of about four.
200 00:32:56.580 –> 00:33:09.000 Jason Mefford: Things you know and so again, you know, think about this, how hard, is it to have inner peace if you’re fearful and worried all the time about money that’s going to be where you’re focusing your attention.
201 00:33:09.240 –> 00:33:14.760 Jason Mefford: yeah and it’s going to be hard for you to have that inner peace right if there’s something wrong with your health.
202 00:33:15.630 –> 00:33:25.440 Jason Mefford: How hard, is it going to be for you to maybe you can’t go to work or you’re have to put your business on hold, so your health affects your finances.
203 00:33:25.890 –> 00:33:37.740 Jason Mefford: And is that going to affect your inner peace probably know as well right it’s like we have all these different little moving pieces, but as as as we’re we’re kind of balancing.
204 00:33:38.940 –> 00:33:46.230 Jason Mefford: and setting into it that way that’s how we’re kind of creating this I don’t know life lifeboat if you will.
205 00:33:47.700 –> 00:33:58.080 Jason Mefford: You know, to where we were protected we’re protected if something happens because, if I feel that inner peace doesn’t matter what’s going on around me.
206 00:33:59.190 –> 00:34:03.900 Jason Mefford: I can go inside and I can feel the peace, even if it’s chaotic around me right.
207 00:34:04.260 –> 00:34:12.810 Jason Mefford: yeah even if all hell goes loose financially right if if if things are okay in that area there’s nothing to be afraid of.
208 00:34:13.260 –> 00:34:21.030 Jason Mefford: And like you said really from a financial abundance perspective there’s never ever anything to be afraid of because money always comes.
209 00:34:21.750 –> 00:34:32.610 Jason Mefford: No matter how much money or how little money i’ve ever had in my life there’s always been more and there’s always been enough and more than I need at any given time.
210 00:34:33.960 –> 00:34:43.350 Angela Noelle: You know, and when I just wanted to your point Jason about you know there’s always money, no matter how much or how little one activity one tip that I heard from.
211 00:34:44.490 –> 00:34:50.490 Angela Noelle: A coach that I was at a talk once and she talked about this, she said, if you find a penny.
212 00:34:51.810 –> 00:34:57.180 Angela Noelle: On the sidewalk you pick that penny up and you celebrate that penny like you just picked up.
214 00:35:01.290 –> 00:35:09.870 Angela Noelle: Because it’s still money it’s the energetic and how many people out there i’m guilty of this have thrown pennies away like oh it’s just a penny.
215 00:35:11.400 –> 00:35:20.640 Angela Noelle: What you’re saying is that you don’t appreciate money and money needs to be respected, just like anything that you want more of.
216 00:35:21.420 –> 00:35:26.580 Angela Noelle: You know, like if you, if you like, plants right if you if you take care of plants in your garden.
217 00:35:27.000 –> 00:35:39.540 Angela Noelle: Are you going to allow your garden to just so you’re not going to water it and read it, or if you have house plants so you’re just going to you know, put it in a corner and the dark and just leave it, I mean I know some people do that.
218 00:35:41.550 –> 00:35:47.610 Angela Noelle: But for people that truly identify as being like plant lovers or or gardeners you know.
219 00:35:48.090 –> 00:36:05.850 Angela Noelle: know you want to you want to tend to your garden and take care of your plants and and and nurture your plants and that you could talk about your children or you know anything that’s important to you so it’s the same thing goes for money is treating it with respect.
220 00:36:07.170 –> 00:36:13.110 Jason Mefford: And it’s kind of you know as again as we’re as we’re talking about it, these these four areas that you talk about because.
221 00:36:14.160 –> 00:36:19.050 Jason Mefford: How much of the time, do we not really respect, for example, or health.
222 00:36:19.470 –> 00:36:24.360 Jason Mefford: yeah or something else right is is that that’s where the the gratitude.
223 00:36:25.530 –> 00:36:42.840 Jason Mefford: And the respect for that stuff really comes in right, I mean if if you’re feeling out of balance it’s probably because there’s some part of your life that you’re not as grateful for or focusing attention on right so again, we can look we’ll just use extremes right.
224 00:36:43.440 –> 00:36:51.570 Jason Mefford: We can do that on a podcast but you know if you’re just if you just love on your plants, and you have a house, full of plants that are.
225 00:36:51.930 –> 00:36:58.590 Jason Mefford: You know, wonderful, but you totally neglect and forget, you have kids and you forget to feed them okay.
226 00:36:59.430 –> 00:37:04.830 Jason Mefford: Or you know, whatever right, I mean if you’re neglecting one part of your life.
227 00:37:05.310 –> 00:37:19.980 Jason Mefford: Then you’re not really going to be in that balance as well right and and really to have that power to to get up to be excited to be alive every day all of those things have to kind of be playing.
229 00:37:23.580 –> 00:37:39.210 Angela Noelle: Absolutely and and also let’s face it we’re human beings right and, and this is not an invitation to go into perfectionism right because sometimes we forget I forget to water my water Wednesday is my day to water my plants.
230 00:37:39.210 –> 00:37:41.520 Angela Noelle: Sometimes it doesn’t happen until the weekend.
231 00:37:42.060 –> 00:37:44.100 Angela Noelle: You know and it’s it’s about.
232 00:37:45.390 –> 00:37:49.260 Angela Noelle: You know it’s a fine line between setting goals right.
233 00:37:49.260 –> 00:37:50.610 Angela Noelle: Setting your intention.
234 00:37:51.120 –> 00:37:52.440 Angela Noelle: And also.
235 00:37:55.350 –> 00:38:07.110 Angela Noelle: You know forgiving yourself if you don’t get it right, the first time, and also, knowing that tomorrow, or even the next minute of your life is a new beginning.
236 00:38:08.190 –> 00:38:16.380 Angela Noelle: So it’s a matter really of like you said, the gratitude because fearing gratitude can exist in the same space and.
237 00:38:17.490 –> 00:38:27.570 Angela Noelle: And being gentle learning baby steps to be gentle with yourself if you make a mistake and forget to water your plants or feed your children.
238 00:38:29.520 –> 00:38:39.030 Jason Mefford: yeah well in this as always we ended up talking about a lot of different things and there’s layers in this episode so.
239 00:38:39.570 –> 00:38:47.400 Jason Mefford: This is one of those episodes you might want to listen to more than one time because you’re probably going to get something out of it different the next time right.
240 00:38:48.000 –> 00:38:57.030 Jason Mefford: But you know Angela thanks thanks for coming on I mean maybe just to kind of you know, because we started off kind of talking a little bit about burnout, you know as well, and the fact that a lot of people.
241 00:38:57.810 –> 00:39:07.410 Jason Mefford: are more tired than they need to be you know, and this ends up sometimes affecting all these other aspects of our life that we’ve been talking about so.
242 00:39:08.130 –> 00:39:17.370 Jason Mefford: So I know we’ve talked about a lot of things that people can do, but again, maybe just kind of one or two kind of quick takeaways for people here at the end it’s like.
243 00:39:18.090 –> 00:39:37.020 Jason Mefford: You know, so that you don’t end up going down that route, what are one or two simple things you can do today, or this week to at least start moving yourself in the right direction right because that’s that’s that’s the whole idea is we’re as long as you’re moving in the right way.
245 00:39:38.790 –> 00:39:45.090 Jason Mefford: that’s all we gotta do right just every day, keep moving a little bit the right way, that we want to go.
246 00:39:45.990 –> 00:39:50.730 Angela Noelle: And you know you’ll be surprised that even just taking little steps in that direction.
247 00:39:51.780 –> 00:40:01.110 Angela Noelle: Will can make a big impact, over time, so you know, the first thing we talked about gratitude, I think about with it man’s search for meaning by Viktor frankl that.
248 00:40:01.110 –> 00:40:07.140 Angela Noelle: boom, where he talks about you know me his he was in hell, you know, or what most people would interpret as hell and.
249 00:40:07.650 –> 00:40:19.470 Angela Noelle: He expressed gratitude for what he had so expressing gratitude, even if it’s you know you don’t have what you want, right now, for what you have.
250 00:40:20.070 –> 00:40:30.870 Angela Noelle: is already enough and I think starting there because, in the presence of gratitude there’s no fear, so that and I think also just the second one would be.
251 00:40:32.520 –> 00:40:43.170 Angela Noelle: To practice grace with yourself is just to give yourself plenty of space and grace to be a human being, because.
252 00:40:44.370 –> 00:41:04.860 Angela Noelle: Not nobody’s perfect, but at the same time we’re perfectly imperfect and we’re all here to I believe show up and be who we truly are and when we’re who we truly are then we can actually start to make an impact in this world yeah.
253 00:41:05.970 –> 00:41:08.490 Jason Mefford: Well, said, and you know I know a lot of people that are.
254 00:41:09.750 –> 00:41:14.100 Jason Mefford: That are listening or some of those overthinking is over Doers pox checkers.
255 00:41:15.990 –> 00:41:26.940 Jason Mefford: And I love that last point that have some grace with yourself right is that there’s there’s no reason to beat ourselves up or to say things to ourself.
256 00:41:27.570 –> 00:41:39.060 Jason Mefford: that we would never say to another person it’s something i’m still working on every single day right because, again, the way you know really hit me when I.
257 00:41:40.260 –> 00:41:47.130 Jason Mefford: heard from several different places, but you know, would you talk to someone that you love the way you talk to yourself.
258 00:41:48.690 –> 00:41:51.030 Jason Mefford: And if the answer is no, then you better stop it.
259 00:41:51.450 –> 00:42:00.720 Jason Mefford: Right it’s time to stop it it’s time to start having some grace with yourself and realize that you know, like I said I mean the journey of 1000 miles starts with a single step.
260 00:42:01.620 –> 00:42:14.400 Jason Mefford: And as long as we’re making you know we’re we’re we’re moving that way to just have grace with yourself and that’s going to bring more of that inner peace that we’re all really wanting anyway.
262 00:42:18.900 –> 00:42:24.420 Jason Mefford: So Angela Thank you, thank you, thank you how’s how’s the best way for people to be able to reach out to you.
263 00:42:25.380 –> 00:42:44.940 Angela Noelle: um so I have an instagram account it’s I am dot Angela Noel so you can find me there, I have a podcast called reclaim your fire and then I also have a website Angela Noel international.com okay.
264 00:42:45.360 –> 00:42:51.720 Jason Mefford: international.com all right we’ll put all that in there, and thank you, my friend for coming on today.
265 00:42:52.590 –> 00:42:55.560 Jason Mefford: Love I love these kinds of conversations, because we.
266 00:42:56.340 –> 00:43:06.570 Jason Mefford: We never know where it’s going to go, but I just love having the conversations and let it go where it needs to because, since you’re still listening right you got something out of this podcast today.
267 00:43:07.410 –> 00:43:17.700 Jason Mefford: This discussion that we have that you didn’t even realize, you might have needed to know so you know main idea listen to Angela take some of these steps just practice with some gratitude now.
268 00:43:18.210 –> 00:43:26.160 Jason Mefford: Having a little bit more grace with yourself and and just keep plugging forward so that you can be.
269 00:43:26.250 –> 00:43:27.780 Jason Mefford: on fire.
270 00:43:28.710 –> 00:43:35.430 Jason Mefford: Because that’s what we all want to be right it’s life’s a lot more fun when we’re doing that, when we’re having fun and when the energy level is up.
271 00:43:37.260 –> 00:43:38.700 Jason Mefford: Alright, thanks again my friend.
272 00:43:39.060 –> 00:43:42.390 Angela Noelle: Thank you Jason Thank you so much wonderful discussion.
As fans of the show you know that we have discussed trapeze before, but today is going to be a little bit different. This episode of the #fireandearthpodcast brings in an actual circus and trapeze professional!
Ryan Schneider will discuss with us his story of how he made it to become a Cirque du Soleil performer along with his discovery of how entertaining audiences has become a fulfilling aspect of his life.
Connect with Ryan on YouTube, Instagram and TikTok as ryansacrobat, and catch him in action while touring with Cirque du Soleil at: https://www.cirquedusoleil.com/alegria
Various points in your life may seem random and unguided.
Perhaps you think that you aren’t sure what it is you are doing or what next step you should take… so you don’t do anything because you are afraid of making a mistake.
You’re probably stuck because you don’t know what to do and are afraid of making mistakes.
I understand.
Especially as a high achiever, you want to make the “right” decision.
What if you need to make some mistakes to learn what you need to get where you want to go??
If you look back on your own life, these “random” occurrences, and mistakes made along the way were exactly the experiences you needed to get you to where you are today and where you are going. We usually don’t understand or connect the dots until we turn around and look how far we’ve come (reminds me of the Steve Jobs commencement address he gave at Stanford).
Making mistakes can be a scary thing, and in this week’s podcast “Mistakes Are Part of Life” we have Nicola Osinaike on the show to talk to us about how to overcome that fear and allow our mistakes to make us better people.
Chances are if you don’t have what you want, it’s because you haven’t been willing to make mistakes and learn what you need to have what you want.
Nothing in life is free, and often it’s the mistakes we make and what we learn that is the price we have to pay for success.
Thomas Edison learned 10,000 ways not to make a lightbulb before he figured it out. Luckily it doesn’t usually take that long 🙂
and then ask yourself: “What am I afraid to do because I’m afraid of making a mistake?” That’s most likely exactly the thing you need to do this week 🙂
If you are an over thinker, and find yourself sweating the small stuff or just feel like you need to control every aspect of your life, then you’ll want to listen to last Friday’s episode “Keep Calm and Carry On” at: https://www.jasonmefford.com/jammingwithjason218/
You read that right. We had two original episodes this last week and are planning to release two new episodes going forward.
That way every Tuesday and Friday you have access to new content.
Get a VIP backstage pass and behind the scenes information when you join the VIP Lounge with Jason Mefford: https://www.jasonmefford.com/vip/
Sometimes various points in our life may seem random and unguided. Perhaps you think that you aren’t sure what it is you are doing?
But sometimes, if you look back on your own life, these “random” occurrences, and mistakes made along the way were exactly the experiences you needed to get you to where you are today and where you are going.
You’re probably stuck because you don’t know what to do and are afraid of making mistakes.
I understand.
Especially as a high achiever, you want to make the “right” decision.
What if you need to make some mistakes to learn what you need to get where you want to go??
If you look back on your own life, these “random” occurrences, and mistakes made along the way were exactly the experiences you needed to get you to where you are today and where you are going. We usually don’t understand or connect the dots until we turn around and look how far we’ve come (reminds me of the Steve Jobs commencement address he gave at Stanford).
Making mistakes can be a scary thing, and in this week’s podcast “Mistakes Are Part of Life” we have Nicola Osinaike on the show to talk to us about how to overcome that fear and allow our mistakes to make us better people.
Chances are if you don’t have what you want, it’s because you haven’t been willing to make mistakes and learn what you need to have what you want.
Nothing in life is free, and often it’s the mistakes we make and what we learn that is the price we have to pay for success.
Thomas Edison learned 10,000 ways not to make a lightbulb before he figured it out. Luckily it doesn’t usually take that long 🙂
Making mistakes can be a scary thing, and in today’s podcast we have Nicola Osinaike on the show to talk to us about how to overcome that fear and allow our mistakes to make us better people.
1 00:00:02.220 –> 00:00:09.269 Jason Mefford: Well, you know if you are like most people you’re probably afraid of making mistakes.
2 00:00:09.809 –> 00:00:20.670 Jason Mefford: I understand it’s totally normal in fact it’s human nature for us to be afraid of making mistakes or maybe being a little scared of making mistakes.
3 00:00:21.210 –> 00:00:37.680 Jason Mefford: But in today’s episode we’re going to talk about how you know really mistakes are just a part of life and talk about some ways in which you can move your life forward and not be afraid of making mistakes so with that let’s roll the episode.
4 00:00:40.290 –> 00:00:46.830 Jason Mefford: Alright, everybody today I have Nicola Osh and ik with me and I think I said that right, this time right.
5 00:00:47.160 –> 00:00:57.510 Jason Mefford: hacked all right, and you know i’m excited to have her on she’s been a longtime listener, of the podcast and she must like it, because she actually wanted to be.
6 00:00:58.740 –> 00:01:09.540 Jason Mefford: Here right so Nicola welcome you know, maybe at the beginning, because, like I said we’re gonna we’re going to talk a little bit about mistakes, because people are afraid of mistakes.
7 00:01:10.260 –> 00:01:16.020 Jason Mefford: But maybe just give give people a little context as to who you are what you do, how you help people.
8 00:01:16.980 –> 00:01:30.660 Jason Mefford: You know, and again we’ll use some specific examples as we’re talking about this, but you know, again as you’re listening, whether or not you fit into this demographic or some of the examples that we’re going to talk about.
9 00:01:31.170 –> 00:01:40.800 Jason Mefford: just keep listening Okay, because, as you listen what you’re going to find is you’re going to learn and be able to apply what we’re talking about.
10 00:01:41.160 –> 00:01:49.800 Jason Mefford: to your own life so Nicola take take it away let let everybody know a little bit about yourself to begin with and let’s get into what we’re going to talk about.
11 00:01:50.520 –> 00:01:59.520 nicola osinaike: Great Thank you again for having me on and my name is Nicola ocean okay and i’m the founder of an organization called audit data hub.
12 00:02:00.210 –> 00:02:20.040 nicola osinaike: So we provide and dedicated training for data analytics but for beginners from a completely non technical background, and so I would currently say my profession is internal audit, but I started way back when, as a mechanical engineer, so my yeah, so I think.
13 00:02:20.070 –> 00:02:21.750 Jason Mefford: Even a sexier than otter they.
14 00:02:23.850 –> 00:02:24.750 nicola osinaike: are no.
15 00:02:25.860 –> 00:02:35.880 nicola osinaike: I mean, I think i’ve made loads of mistakes, so I really wanted to be a mechanical engineer from about the age of 12 really, really That was my passion.
16 00:02:36.300 –> 00:02:58.800 nicola osinaike: And I did it and I qualified and I began designing aircraft and after 18 months I absolutely hated it hated it, but it was a bit my family were like you spent so long studying but it wasn’t me, so I moved on to product management moved on again to working with technology team, so I did.
17 00:02:59.880 –> 00:03:09.840 nicola osinaike: working for Accenture with technology consulting moved again to public sector, working with more tech teams design and business processes.
18 00:03:10.170 –> 00:03:21.450 nicola osinaike: Until I stumbled across audit so i’ve moved around quite a bit and made mistakes, maybe, but I think the fact that I recognized that something wasn’t for me and I was able to move on.
19 00:03:21.690 –> 00:03:30.450 nicola osinaike: helped me kind of get to the point where i’m running my own business now and i’m training auditors in data analytics, which is a much needed skill right now.
20 00:03:31.290 –> 00:03:45.360 Jason Mefford: Well, it is, it is a much needed skill in fact it’s one of the skills that is in most demand that most people don’t have right so so what you’re doing is helping lots of people, but I let’s let’s unpack a little bit of what you just talked about because.
21 00:03:46.680 –> 00:04:02.250 Jason Mefford: I think this is a it’s a good example for people right because, like you said, since you were 12 you wanted to be a mechanical engineer and it’s like holy crap you, you were designed an aircraft that’s amazing right I to me, I was like I didn’t know that about you.
22 00:04:02.940 –> 00:04:11.250 Jason Mefford: But, but you know so so here you go, you know 12 year old girl, all the way up until you know you qualify you get through college you start a job.
23 00:04:11.910 –> 00:04:23.370 Jason Mefford: 18 months into it, you realize, you know what this really isn’t what I want to do now, a lot of people at that point would stop and go oh that’s a big mistake i’m a failure.
24 00:04:23.730 –> 00:04:33.000 Jason Mefford: i’ve spent all this time, you know 1015 years right by that point of going down this path and all my gosh what am I going to do.
25 00:04:33.480 –> 00:04:46.560 Jason Mefford: And people usually get down on themselves at that point right and there’s all that negative self talk that ends up going on, like I just wasted 15 years of my Lord right.
26 00:04:47.340 –> 00:05:00.390 Jason Mefford: But you took a different approach right and so so let’s talk about that because, because you know you didn’t even land where you are now the first time you changed right.
27 00:05:00.840 –> 00:05:14.760 nicola osinaike: Right, but I think now you’re saying it I didn’t it didn’t feel fearful to me, I think, in my mind the the stress of being in an uncomfortable situation far outweighs.
28 00:05:15.180 –> 00:05:27.090 nicola osinaike: The risk of messing it up, so I think I weighed it up like that, so I can either be miserable and not risk failure or take a chance and hopefully it’s better than where I am.
29 00:05:27.420 –> 00:05:43.110 nicola osinaike: And I just think from my my mindset, I always feel that it’s better to take a chance that something could get better rather than sticking with the status quo that just doesn’t work for you, so I think I didn’t feel like it was failure, and it was it didn’t fear fearful at the time.
30 00:05:43.680 –> 00:05:52.470 Jason Mefford: But, which is great and that’s the kind of attitude that we need to have right because, again, a lot of a lot of people, a lot of people stay stuck or they’re out.
31 00:05:53.670 –> 00:06:13.140 Jason Mefford: Even in that pain right because they’re they they believe that making another mistake might be more painful than what they’re actually focusing on right now so having you know there there’s a there’s a tip for everybody right is is kind of thinking in that way of.
32 00:06:14.280 –> 00:06:25.680 Jason Mefford: You know it’s it’s not if you’re in a point in your life, where you feel like there’s pain yeah might as well make another choice that hopefully will get you out of that right well.
33 00:06:25.980 –> 00:06:27.060 nicola osinaike: Definitely, I think.
34 00:06:27.630 –> 00:06:35.340 Jason Mefford: Now the other thing, and I think what it what it kind of shows in your career, too, is you know I love, I think it was Steve Jobs Stanford.
35 00:06:35.760 –> 00:06:47.190 Jason Mefford: commencement speech, where he said, you know as you go through life, you can never really connect the dots until you turn around and look backwards and then what seems like a random path in life.
36 00:06:47.670 –> 00:07:03.000 Jason Mefford: You look back and see that those dots actually line up so again, you know you started off as a mechanical engineer, you did a bunch of other stuff in the meantime yeah but did all of those little things end up helping you get to exactly where you’re supposed to be today.
37 00:07:04.230 –> 00:07:17.100 nicola osinaike: Strangely, yes I think so because I mean I joined an audit and I another five years of study qualified as the chartered internal auditor, which I love, but.
38 00:07:17.550 –> 00:07:33.210 nicola osinaike: I think very early on in my career, I in my audit career, I knew I was different I just didn’t think the way everybody else kind of thought and I was like, why are we not using data, why are we sample test, then it just didn’t really make sense to me and.
39 00:07:34.530 –> 00:07:47.280 nicola osinaike: A few things happened and I think this is the fear factor, it was a bit aggressive, to be quite honest, so people when I kind of raised it, people will kind of like well that’s not the way we do things around here that it was that kind of.
40 00:07:47.280 –> 00:07:50.970 Jason Mefford: That would be uncomfortable to have to do something different.
41 00:07:51.420 –> 00:08:02.220 nicola osinaike: Right, and I think that raises an interesting point about fear, so I think sometimes you can be fearful, and it can lead you to stay in your comfort zone and stay where you are.
42 00:08:02.760 –> 00:08:08.310 nicola osinaike: But on the other side, it can lead you to kind of ensure that everybody around you stays where they are.
43 00:08:08.970 –> 00:08:16.740 nicola osinaike: And that that was essentially where it gets dangerous because because you’re fearful of change you’re stifling everybody else around you.
44 00:08:17.100 –> 00:08:21.090 nicola osinaike: And I kind of started to feel a little bit like that, hence I kind of moved on, but.
45 00:08:21.510 –> 00:08:26.970 nicola osinaike: I think that that is the challenge with, especially the business environment changing as fast as it’s changing.
46 00:08:27.360 –> 00:08:38.160 nicola osinaike: There are a lot of people that are scared of the change so instead of maybe going well i’m going to embrace it a little or may not get it right first time but i’m going to at least let it in.
47 00:08:38.490 –> 00:08:49.680 nicola osinaike: they’re stopping everybody around them from embracing it because they’re fearful of what’s going to happen if if change occurs, so I definitely did see the aggressive side of what they can do.
48 00:08:50.940 –> 00:09:03.930 Jason Mefford: Well it’s interesting because you know you bring up a great point that it holds others around you back yeah, but it also holds you back right and you made a very interesting comment that I want to, I want to touch on.
49 00:09:04.530 –> 00:09:13.350 Jason Mefford: Because a lot of people feel the same way, you did right, so you said you know I get in here and I realized i’m a little different.
50 00:09:14.190 –> 00:09:21.690 Jason Mefford: And I was asking some questions you know and the people around me are like cool Why would you want to change, why would you want to do anything different right.
51 00:09:22.020 –> 00:09:31.620 Jason Mefford: This is the way we’ve done it for 50 years, why not right, I mean that’s that’s that’s like people and i’m sure there were people like this, you know when Einstein came out with a theory of relativity.
52 00:09:31.680 –> 00:09:39.780 Jason Mefford: yeah they were probably like Why would we want to do that we’ve been doing newtonian physics for 400 years, why would we want to change.
53 00:09:40.470 –> 00:09:46.890 Jason Mefford: Because we figured out a better way to do it, you know it’s it kind of seems like like common sense but.
54 00:09:47.400 –> 00:09:59.700 Jason Mefford: But I you know a lot of people that I talked to feel exactly like you did right i’m a little different and at that point you kind of had the choice right you could decide to.
55 00:10:00.660 –> 00:10:12.420 Jason Mefford: just do what everybody else was telling you and kind of move yourself back into what they expected, which was not who you are.
56 00:10:13.500 –> 00:10:18.960 Jason Mefford: Or you could choose to just be yourself and do things different.
57 00:10:20.610 –> 00:10:22.470 Jason Mefford: Right and you chose to.
59 00:10:24.330 –> 00:10:25.830 Jason Mefford: To do things different right.
60 00:10:26.190 –> 00:10:36.540 nicola osinaike: But that has taken quite a few years of confidence building, I would say, so I think now i’ve grown i’m, on the other side, and I see the benefit.
61 00:10:36.540 –> 00:10:37.410 nicola osinaike: of being different.
62 00:10:37.800 –> 00:10:48.090 nicola osinaike: But I think when you’re in that situation and you see your different and you’re calling things out and everybody’s saying you’re crazy, I think it is very easy just to go back in the box, but.
63 00:10:48.390 –> 00:10:59.400 nicola osinaike: Now I see the world differently, and I think the world needs different, the world needs change and i’m quite proud to be completely different so i’m embracing being different, though.
64 00:11:00.270 –> 00:11:06.870 Jason Mefford: Well, and that’s that’s good that’s one of the reasons why I, like you, so much to yours and you’re smiling you’re laughing right, I mean people there.
65 00:11:07.230 –> 00:11:21.210 Jason Mefford: Listen to this are probably you know let’s you’re watching the video you can’t see it but she’s got a big smile on her face right and and you know myself as somebody who people kind of have seen as crazy and different for a lot of years.
66 00:11:22.320 –> 00:11:30.720 Jason Mefford: You know what you brought up there about the confidence is is an important thing right because it scares people because they don’t know.
67 00:11:31.500 –> 00:11:41.130 Jason Mefford: But the problem is you’re not going to know until you actually try it right, but again, you can you can decide to just go along and fit the mold.
68 00:11:41.700 –> 00:11:46.710 Jason Mefford: Of what other people expect you to be or you can be yourself now i’m guessing.
69 00:11:47.400 –> 00:11:53.970 Jason Mefford: So again, you know as you were kind of talking about your career path, I could see the the dots lining up as you were talking about it.
70 00:11:54.720 –> 00:12:04.170 Jason Mefford: What do you think would have happened if you came in to audit and you had all these ideas you know why are we using data you’re bringing all these things up to people.
71 00:12:04.980 –> 00:12:15.240 Jason Mefford: And what do you think would have happened if you would have listened to everybody else and just conformed to what the expectations were.
72 00:12:17.280 –> 00:12:24.750 nicola osinaike: I just think maybe the person I am it just wouldn’t i’m just not a very good can former, I think, but I think i’ve.
73 00:12:25.290 –> 00:12:34.170 nicola osinaike: You know, maybe, when I was younger I would have been a bit more stubborn but i’ve now seen you can be a nonconformist in a very professional manner so.
74 00:12:34.440 –> 00:12:41.850 nicola osinaike: There are more than one way to skin a cat put it that way, so I think now I am trying to be much braver and i’m trying to use my voice.
75 00:12:42.210 –> 00:12:53.820 nicola osinaike: To kind of cool things out more and I don’t feel afraid to do that so i’m kind of you know, in the audit world i’m sure you know we’ve been talking about data analytics I think I went back to about 30 years.
76 00:12:54.840 –> 00:12:56.340 Jason Mefford: Remember right right.
77 00:12:56.760 –> 00:13:04.260 nicola osinaike: Right and then i’m a bit like well clearly just telling everybody that we need to embrace data analytics has not worked.
78 00:13:04.650 –> 00:13:12.780 nicola osinaike: So i’m kind of looking in a different direction going let’s find out why what is the root cause so i’m more interested in understanding why and.
79 00:13:12.990 –> 00:13:20.040 nicola osinaike: I think the more I thought about it i’ve seen very similar traits between all day and actually the wider business because.
80 00:13:20.430 –> 00:13:28.320 nicola osinaike: If you think about the way that workers are trained right, we are processed driven we are we learned how to do steps.
81 00:13:28.620 –> 00:13:35.820 nicola osinaike: Even with IT systems we learn how to press the buttons in the right order and that’s very comfortable we’re moving into a world where.
82 00:13:36.090 –> 00:13:42.180 nicola osinaike: There is no precedent there’s nothing to compare the problems that you’re facing because we’re facing them for the first time.
83 00:13:42.510 –> 00:13:51.690 nicola osinaike: So a lot of those very traditional mindsets and decision making processes are just not working, so we have to move to something else but.
84 00:13:52.050 –> 00:13:59.550 nicola osinaike: there’s a massive cohort of people that are fearful that this different is going to make them redundant essentially.
85 00:13:59.880 –> 00:14:09.540 nicola osinaike: And they’re stifling change but i’m kind of like you’re just it’s a bit of a false economy because you’re just kind of shooting yourself in the foot, really, so I think it’s coming.
86 00:14:10.350 –> 00:14:16.290 Jason Mefford: Well it’s coming that’s why you know I use terms like you know dylan’s the times, they are a changing.
87 00:14:17.100 –> 00:14:20.040 Jason Mefford: Their changing folks in and it’s you know you can.
88 00:14:20.430 –> 00:14:32.490 Jason Mefford: You can choose to just be the ostrich and stick your head in the sand and try to ignore it, or you can do something about it, you can make a choice you can choose to retool yourself get re educated.
89 00:14:33.720 –> 00:14:44.400 Jason Mefford: Because the reality is things are changing and we need different skill sets both technical you know, like like we’re talking about from an internal audit perspective and data analytics.
90 00:14:44.790 –> 00:14:59.460 Jason Mefford: but also in managing change and working in more self directed teams, you know in doing a lot of things like that, as well that we’ve got to come up you know we’ve we’ve got to upscale ourself.
91 00:15:00.060 –> 00:15:12.870 Jason Mefford: we’re going to get left behind, and you know again there’s a lot of people, though, that, until the pain gets bad enough, they just don’t want to change right.
92 00:15:13.290 –> 00:15:22.560 nicola osinaike: um, but I think we’re not quite at the point where the motivation is strong enough to push the majority in that direction so.
93 00:15:22.980 –> 00:15:29.040 nicola osinaike: And most technologists will know if you don’t keep up your skills, you will not be employable.
94 00:15:29.910 –> 00:15:41.160 nicola osinaike: Because the the tech move so quickly, you have to keep yourself up to date and there’s a lot of reading in your own time and upscaling yourself now especially an audit.
95 00:15:41.520 –> 00:15:54.540 nicola osinaike: You can very easily getting dropping audit tomorrow with no data skills at all it’s completely fine So where is the motivation to learn, and I think until that shift moves it’s a bit of a difficult sell really at the moment.
96 00:15:55.530 –> 00:16:00.480 Jason Mefford: yeah there’s always the early adopters you know, like you and me that that see this, we see this count.
97 00:16:01.320 –> 00:16:02.760 Jason Mefford: You know and it’s and it’s like.
98 00:16:03.210 –> 00:16:11.070 Jason Mefford: You know, it always surprises me when people you know from risk management or anything you know it’s like I was so surprised how did.
99 00:16:11.730 –> 00:16:18.960 Jason Mefford: How could that ever happened i’m thinking we’ve known this is going to happen for five years we didn’t know when.
100 00:16:19.560 –> 00:16:30.900 Jason Mefford: but can you not see the trends right, but a lot of people choose choose not to, and so it is it’s always the brave people, the people with the with the courage.
101 00:16:31.500 –> 00:16:35.970 Jason Mefford: At the beginning to actually go out and try to do things different and eventually.
102 00:16:36.570 –> 00:16:48.060 Jason Mefford: everybody else will end up coming along right but but for a lot of people it’s not until the until the pain is too much so so let’s so let’s talk about that maybe a little bit because you know, like we said.
103 00:16:50.400 –> 00:16:59.760 Jason Mefford: mistakes are a part of life, but I even say there really are no mistakes it’s just feedback right because everything that you do get you closer.
104 00:17:00.600 –> 00:17:14.850 Jason Mefford: To where you need to be sometimes those things don’t work out the way we thought they were going to like you know your career you’re not designing airplanes anymore, unless you do that for fun on the side I don’t know you might have a hot no not.
105 00:17:16.260 –> 00:17:25.800 Jason Mefford: Used I used to dry airplanes actually when I was little so when you when you would say that it was like that’s funny I used to actually like draw pictures of airplanes and how they were going to anyway.
106 00:17:26.430 –> 00:17:29.730 Jason Mefford: wasn’t I wasn’t a mechanical engineer at that point nevermind.
107 00:17:30.120 –> 00:17:31.740 Jason Mefford: yeah but um.
108 00:17:33.810 –> 00:17:43.230 Jason Mefford: But yeah so so there really are no mistakes anyway, but what what kind of holds people back from wanting to try something new.
109 00:17:44.880 –> 00:17:53.820 nicola osinaike: I think I feel it’s a muscle I think it’s practice, so I think if you thought about it, like if you chose to learn the guitar right.
110 00:17:54.270 –> 00:18:03.480 nicola osinaike: Nobody would pick up a guitar and in the first lesson expect to play a really complicated song first time it’s it’s just silly right.
111 00:18:03.840 –> 00:18:15.810 nicola osinaike: So I think people will look at that kind of thing and mistakes are acceptable, but they look at the workplace and learning skills and try new things in a corporate sense and it’s suddenly unacceptable to make a mistake.
112 00:18:16.320 –> 00:18:24.240 nicola osinaike: And I think sometimes it’s quite easy for corporations to look at you know very creative industries like you know, Google and Facebook.
113 00:18:24.570 –> 00:18:32.790 nicola osinaike: And they’re like Oh, we want to be like them, we want to digitally transform and we want to be agile and we’re gonna say every buzzword in the dictionary.
114 00:18:33.210 –> 00:18:41.610 nicola osinaike: But they’re really just words, because the thing is unless you look at the culture of those organizations you’re never going to emulate their success and.
115 00:18:41.970 –> 00:18:46.170 nicola osinaike: it’s probably I feel quite confident in saying there’s probably.
116 00:18:46.710 –> 00:18:55.530 nicola osinaike: Limited specific direction and Facebook there’s a lot of autonomy for them to just be creative for them to come up with ideas for them to be problem solvers.
117 00:18:55.980 –> 00:19:04.230 nicola osinaike: Now, if you have an organization that is very dictatorial you’ve got a lot of rules and procedures order is very procedural driven.
118 00:19:04.770 –> 00:19:09.900 nicola osinaike: it’s very unreasonable to expect that entire cohort to suddenly be creative.
119 00:19:10.620 –> 00:19:22.620 nicola osinaike: data is creative and we’re just expecting all of these very process driven people to suddenly be creative and look at data and make sense of it and it’s a completely different muscle.
120 00:19:22.950 –> 00:19:37.920 nicola osinaike: So I think if people just saw their career development in the same way as potentially it sounds a bit silly but learning the guitar just be kind to yourself, and I think leaders need to have that appreciation that mistakes adjust learn and nothing more.
121 00:19:38.820 –> 00:19:50.310 Jason Mefford: Well it’s that’s again that’s a great analogy right because again it’s it’s it’s leaders being being patient with the people that are working with.
122 00:19:50.850 –> 00:20:01.590 Jason Mefford: but also our self, you know as well, because I see so many people that you know, again, it will just use the guitar right got one sitting back there right.
123 00:20:02.160 –> 00:20:13.890 Jason Mefford: Now, if I if I pick up that guitar that one happens to be an acoustic the Nice fender you know super strat is over here in the corner, but let’s say I pick up the super strap right.
124 00:20:14.640 –> 00:20:25.830 Jason Mefford: And the first time I pick it up, I expect to be able to do an eddie van halen riff and ain’t gonna happen right.
125 00:20:26.370 –> 00:20:31.620 Jason Mefford: Because again, it takes practice, I mean that man practiced every day for hours to be able to do what he did.
126 00:20:32.130 –> 00:20:42.060 Jason Mefford: So it would be silly for me to think that I could just pick it up and just boom have it right, but how much of the time, do we do that, especially in the business area.
127 00:20:42.570 –> 00:21:00.660 Jason Mefford: And then we try it once we make a mistake and then we’re hard on herself to right it’s like Jason you’re so stupid I can’t believe that you can’t play like eddie after just you know buying it and picking it up one time, and it seems a little extreme.
128 00:21:01.710 –> 00:21:09.990 Jason Mefford: But you know, for those of you listening if you’re honest with yourself how many times have you had those kind of conversations in your head.
129 00:21:11.790 –> 00:21:13.170 Jason Mefford: And I guess and it’s a lot.
130 00:21:15.030 –> 00:21:34.020 nicola osinaike: I think, but I think it’s normal, but I think, because we don’t talk about it enough if you experienced that you think you’re the only one, I saw a very interesting statistic from the UK recently, so I don’t know if you know the term data literacy, but it’s essentially a skill to.
131 00:21:34.110 –> 00:21:51.180 nicola osinaike: be able to look at data analyze it communicate it make sense of it essentially and there was a very large survey done across the UK asking leaders if they have a data skills gap and 60% said absolutely not.
132 00:21:51.960 –> 00:21:53.640 Jason Mefford: And then interesting.
133 00:21:53.760 –> 00:21:54.510 nicola osinaike: Right so.
134 00:21:54.870 –> 00:21:57.330 Jason Mefford: percent of the people are lying to themselves.
135 00:21:57.900 –> 00:22:10.950 nicola osinaike: This This is my point 60% of the people surveyed said no, there is no data literacy gap, however 50% of those same organizations are directly recruiting for data roles.
136 00:22:11.760 –> 00:22:19.770 nicola osinaike: Then I think it was something like 45% said, we want to train our internal people on data.
137 00:22:20.370 –> 00:22:29.940 nicola osinaike: And then not like I think 5% had been trained in the last two years, so there is a big difference between what people are saying and what’s happening.
138 00:22:30.330 –> 00:22:39.480 nicola osinaike: And I just don’t know if there’s a fear of especially leaders in the boardroom saying we don’t have the skills, what are we going to do to get them.
139 00:22:39.810 –> 00:22:47.640 nicola osinaike: So you get this strange kind of nodding effect where everybody says it’s fine it’s fine it’s fine but it’s not it’s not it’s not.
140 00:22:47.940 –> 00:22:57.870 nicola osinaike: And then everybody says it’s fine so, then the next person says it’s fine and then there is no plan to actually address the problem, it seems I think it’s a corporate thing.
141 00:22:59.010 –> 00:23:09.750 Jason Mefford: Well, because you know again it’s as humans and as organizations we’re afraid to admit that we don’t have our shit together.
142 00:23:10.800 –> 00:23:16.770 Jason Mefford: Okay, I mean that’s that’s just a reality right and so again we go through life, most of us go through life.
143 00:23:17.460 –> 00:23:29.760 Jason Mefford: You know lying to ourselves to make ourselves feel better instead of actually fixing the underlying root cause and you know trying something different learning and moving forward.
144 00:23:30.300 –> 00:23:36.270 Jason Mefford: And I think it’s interesting because I wanted to double back you know, again on because because we’re talking about you know.
145 00:23:36.630 –> 00:23:46.560 Jason Mefford: Data literacy and and some of this stuff along with that you brought up the point about you know the data is creative and so I wanted to go there just for a minute because.
146 00:23:47.130 –> 00:23:57.810 Jason Mefford: it’s interesting I was just preparing for a speech that i’m giving the end of the month and it’s it’s to risk managers Okay, but it’s same same kinds of concepts right where a lot of times, people will.
147 00:23:59.100 –> 00:24:19.080 Jason Mefford: they’ll look at data risk management uses a lot of data they crunch, a lot of numbers and they believe that everything is just scientific its mathematical it’s you know that’s that’s all it is the data we don’t need to worry about qualitative don’t trust your gut just rely on the data.
148 00:24:20.340 –> 00:24:37.770 Jason Mefford: So it’s interesting that you bring this up, because you know, one of the slides that I have in my speech is about it’s the art and the science and so interestingly enough, you know if you if you take a look at somebody like Leonardo da Vinci.
149 00:24:38.880 –> 00:24:49.770 Jason Mefford: One of the greatest artists of all time also one of the greatest scientists of all time, so he he was you know multi disciplinary.
150 00:24:50.400 –> 00:24:57.630 Jason Mefford: In that way, in fact, you know, most of the of the greatest scientists, we already mentioned Einstein before right.
151 00:24:58.170 –> 00:25:06.360 Jason Mefford: Well, he was a very artistic man as well right and that’s what helped him lead to some of the some of this stuff so it’s a marrying.
152 00:25:07.110 –> 00:25:16.530 Jason Mefford: of both it’s not either or right so maybe talk a little bit more about that because, again, you know for the for the people that are listening that are in that data field.
153 00:25:17.310 –> 00:25:23.250 Jason Mefford: they’re gonna they probably heard that and they kind of went what she must have just made a mistake and what she said, but you didn’t.
154 00:25:23.760 –> 00:25:24.120 Jason Mefford: You didn’t.
155 00:25:24.180 –> 00:25:34.560 nicola osinaike: Know right, no, no, and i’m trying to think of the best way to answer that I mean I would class myself as highly data literate so I can look at a situation.
156 00:25:34.890 –> 00:25:42.240 nicola osinaike: I can decide what data I need how I need to analyze it and then I can look at graphs and say that doesn’t look right or.
157 00:25:42.480 –> 00:25:49.740 nicola osinaike: i’m looking at this data, this is telling me that we should go in this direction, so I would describe myself as being data literate like that.
158 00:25:50.190 –> 00:26:03.120 nicola osinaike: i’m not an amazing coder i’m not a data scientist i’m not in that field, but I can move to different contexts, so I think all of those years, when I was engineering and doing science and math.
159 00:26:03.600 –> 00:26:17.490 nicola osinaike: I was using data in lots of different contexts, so now, you can put me in any organization and as long as I understood how the system works, I could figure out what data, you need and what it tells you, so I think the reason it is creative.
160 00:26:18.120 –> 00:26:26.280 nicola osinaike: Is because every data scenario is not the same, there are some basic principles on the things you need to do with data.
161 00:26:26.580 –> 00:26:34.080 nicola osinaike: But, depending on the question, depending on the situation dependent on the client, you need to be creative enough to think about all well.
162 00:26:34.590 –> 00:26:41.490 nicola osinaike: That looks like that sales prices going up, but because I know this about the organization, this means that.
163 00:26:41.760 –> 00:26:50.010 nicola osinaike: And I think that’s the creative element is looking at the raw numbers and then making it applicable to what’s actually going on on the ground in terms of business.
164 00:26:50.340 –> 00:26:57.600 nicola osinaike: And in terms of decision making, and I mean if you if you’re if you do any research in terms of what a lot of businesses are looking for now.
165 00:26:58.140 –> 00:27:05.070 nicola osinaike: I mean the most common bowls of data, scientists, however, data scientists are not always great at context switching.
166 00:27:05.370 –> 00:27:13.260 nicola osinaike: So you need people that understand data that understand the business to translate all of the amazing technical stuff that the scientists are coming out with.
167 00:27:13.740 –> 00:27:26.040 nicola osinaike: To make sense of it to say to the business leaders, this is the decision you should be making based on the data i’m seeing so it’s definitely a combination of science and creativity definitely.
168 00:27:27.030 –> 00:27:37.650 Jason Mefford: Well that’s why you you you you put some terms out in there, that I that I want to kind of stop and just go into a little bit Okay, because and again this is relevant for everybody.
169 00:27:37.860 –> 00:27:40.980 Jason Mefford: Okay, this is not specifically about data, but these are.
170 00:27:41.490 –> 00:27:50.340 Jason Mefford: These are again some of the trends that we’re seeing that you need to start embracing if you want to be relevant in the future right.
171 00:27:50.910 –> 00:27:59.460 Jason Mefford: And so earlier on, you talked about how we’re taught how to do things and processes right step, a step B step C step D right.
172 00:28:00.030 –> 00:28:15.570 Jason Mefford: And in fact you know when I was in college, it was interesting because I actually had some professors right they would teach a B, C D process methodology on the test that’s not how they test it.
173 00:28:16.260 –> 00:28:23.220 Jason Mefford: They tested DC be a to see if you actually understood and fully grasp the concept.
174 00:28:23.220 –> 00:28:33.450 Jason Mefford: Right and and so again there’s so many people now that are taught processes do a then B then C then D they can’t think outside of.
175 00:28:33.870 –> 00:28:39.930 Jason Mefford: That particular process, but this is one of those skills, like you just said corporations are looking for.
176 00:28:40.350 –> 00:29:00.480 Jason Mefford: People who can actually kind of see outside of the box we’ve had that term for a long time yeah right but, but our educational systems for the most part, are just teaching people how to play in the box and we’ve gotten rid of the out of the box, I mean that’s why even you know university.
177 00:29:01.800 –> 00:29:08.790 Jason Mefford: Now university is just a trade school it’s like going to school to learn how to be a plumber and all you know how to do is plumbing.
178 00:29:09.450 –> 00:29:25.020 Jason Mefford: Right in the old days it was liberal arts education right if you’re a scientist, why do you need to read the Greek and Roman classics, why do you need to have an art appreciation class right and a lot of people are saying we don’t need that.
179 00:29:26.040 –> 00:29:31.020 Jason Mefford: sounds like we actually do, though, right to make our brain work, the way that it needs to in the future.
180 00:29:31.800 –> 00:29:40.950 nicola osinaike: I think yeah it’s partly that I think you know I am not a kind of doom and gloom person i’m very positive but i’m also a realist.
181 00:29:41.370 –> 00:29:50.670 nicola osinaike: And the reality is there is technology out there come in that very easily automate routine processes.
182 00:29:51.090 –> 00:30:02.580 nicola osinaike: And I think the problem is a lot of us have kind of looked at this and it’s very easy to go this has nothing to do with me my profession is so complicated it could never be automated.
183 00:30:03.360 –> 00:30:12.240 nicola osinaike: But that’s just not true right, and I think what’s going to essentially happen is, step by step, very routine you know.
184 00:30:12.810 –> 00:30:18.300 nicola osinaike: repetitive processes will be automated and what is left is the complex problem solving.
185 00:30:18.840 –> 00:30:32.700 nicola osinaike: Now if you’re presented with a complex problem, by its very nature, you probably haven’t seen something very similar to it before, so it requires creativity diversity in the team to think of a solution right.
186 00:30:33.120 –> 00:30:38.910 nicola osinaike: So you’re going to need less people that know how to do this, step by step process, because the machines will be doing that.
187 00:30:39.240 –> 00:30:46.920 nicola osinaike: And you need more people that are able to think on their feet that essentially are able to solve a problem before it becomes a disaster.
188 00:30:47.340 –> 00:30:55.440 nicola osinaike: And I think organizations are struggling with that shift, because I think for them it’s you know very big organizations are very slow to change.
189 00:30:55.680 –> 00:31:05.460 nicola osinaike: they’re very hierarchical you know people at the top, are very comfortable they visit there’s an order of things and they enjoy kind of given out instructions and people following.
190 00:31:05.790 –> 00:31:16.890 nicola osinaike: But actually you can’t be everywhere at the same time, so if you have lots of problems popping up everywhere, if you have a workforce that are waiting to be told to fix the problem.
191 00:31:17.280 –> 00:31:22.380 nicola osinaike: Then there’s going to be fires everywhere, so I think as time goes on, they need more people that are.
192 00:31:22.710 –> 00:31:30.090 nicola osinaike: You know they brave they are willing to stick their neck out and go well, this is a problem, this is a solution, not just going to get on with it.
193 00:31:30.420 –> 00:31:40.890 nicola osinaike: And that’s how very nimble companies move so fast, so, if you look, I mean take audit for an example and internal audit as feel we are the only ones.
194 00:31:41.370 –> 00:31:49.140 nicola osinaike: And I think it’s it’s quite convenient to think that if you took one minute, just to look at the number of Ai companies for finance.
195 00:31:49.470 –> 00:31:55.530 nicola osinaike: That are popping up and doing amazing you would see straight away they’re not the only ones, but I think it’s your viewpoint.
196 00:31:55.770 –> 00:32:05.880 nicola osinaike: You kind of tell yourself that what i’m doing is special and different and it’s not what they’re doing so there’s no threat, hence I don’t need to do anything, and I think that that’s part of the problem.
197 00:32:06.690 –> 00:32:22.470 Jason Mefford: Well, it is, and just to add, you know, like you said you can look, you can look at all the finance Ai companies that are out there i’ll point to another another one World Economic Forum okay little organization in the world right that doesn’t know what they’re talking about you know.
198 00:32:23.580 –> 00:32:32.520 Jason Mefford: Two of the top five professions that they expect to see outsourced or automated in the next five years.
199 00:32:33.300 –> 00:32:44.250 Jason Mefford: IE folks What that means is people in these two professions are probably going to lose their job because it will become automated auditors and accountants.
200 00:32:45.150 –> 00:33:01.950 Jason Mefford: Now again those groups are looking at it, saying, oh no we’re so important, we know more than everybody else you can’t replace me well, if what you’re doing mainly is automated routine tasks that don’t require complex problem solving.
201 00:33:03.360 –> 00:33:07.440 Jason Mefford: you’re going to get outsourced to a computer just.
202 00:33:07.740 –> 00:33:08.250 Jason Mefford: The line.
203 00:33:08.790 –> 00:33:19.560 nicola osinaike: What was the now well I I see actually will happen is you’ll get a group that are very kind of decisive that they’re not going to shift and the tech will go around them.
204 00:33:20.430 –> 00:33:21.390 Jason Mefford: we’ve seen that already.
205 00:33:21.870 –> 00:33:39.420 Jason Mefford: yeah we’ve seen that, with these specific groups that were talking about in corporations, they they refuse to change, so the organization creates other departments to do what they need them to do that they’re unwilling to do so they’re already being worked around right now.
206 00:33:39.900 –> 00:33:45.570 Jason Mefford: And then they’re like whoa cool people are taking her work from us because you’re not doing the real work right.
207 00:33:46.620 –> 00:33:49.020 Jason Mefford: Is the sad sad story for.
208 00:33:49.350 –> 00:33:52.590 nicola osinaike: That, but I think there’s amazing opportunity, because I think.
209 00:33:52.920 –> 00:34:05.910 nicola osinaike: If you’re able to see that, for the reality is, you can maneuver yourself, you can build the skills and you can make yourself valuable in a different way, but it takes recognition and their movement.
210 00:34:06.600 –> 00:34:10.350 nicola osinaike: So I think there’s two things that needs to happen in tandem, for it to be.
211 00:34:10.740 –> 00:34:17.100 nicola osinaike: As I said, I mean the reality is these Ai companies for finance would not be a successful if the demand wasn’t there.
212 00:34:17.400 –> 00:34:30.120 nicola osinaike: And once they’re done there they’ll start moving into other areas it’s just a matter of time, and I think I mean I think back to I mean I wasn’t alive, to be honest, but when computers were first introduced I can imagine there was a.
213 00:34:31.380 –> 00:34:33.060 Jason Mefford: There was some of us were kind of around.
214 00:34:34.470 –> 00:34:42.660 nicola osinaike: I can spell I think it was possibly the same right people will not i’m not using computers i’m using a typewriter but they came anyway so.
215 00:34:43.980 –> 00:34:51.180 Jason Mefford: yeah you can’t you can’t stop it, I mean you can you can choose to be The ostrich again and stick your head in the ground but it ain’t going to happen.
216 00:34:52.380 –> 00:35:01.650 Jason Mefford: And so again, you know, hopefully, again, you should be reading between the lines as you’re listening to this because you don’t have to be an auditor a data person to.
217 00:35:02.160 –> 00:35:14.370 Jason Mefford: To see that the world is changing there’s things that you need to do differently to be able to succeed in the future right again we’ve talked about you know we’ve we’ve gotten so used to process methodologies.
218 00:35:14.400 –> 00:35:22.680 Jason Mefford: But you can’t you can’t just rely on knowing the processes, you have to learn and have some of these complex problem solving skills.
219 00:35:23.580 –> 00:35:30.510 Jason Mefford: Because the future is going to look a little different than it has before now, a lot of the things may be similar.
220 00:35:31.050 –> 00:35:39.630 Jason Mefford: And we, and we should be able to analogy guys to some historical events that were similar and probably learn from that.
221 00:35:40.200 –> 00:35:48.420 Jason Mefford: But that’s where this multi disciplinary and context switching that you that you brought up there, which again are probably some terms that some people don’t.
222 00:35:49.080 –> 00:36:06.390 Jason Mefford: don’t fully grasp, so I thought let’s just talk for a minute or two on that right, but multi disciplinary probably easier for people to understand right that you, you understand or versed in different things right, because, again we.
223 00:36:07.530 –> 00:36:32.850 Jason Mefford: The people who change the world and who add the most value are able to see different examples in other places in the world and translate that into what they’re doing right and so again, you can take you know take some examples of big companies like airbnb.
224 00:36:33.870 –> 00:36:48.300 Jason Mefford: You know uber lyft those companies right where again they saw some of the technology changes, some of the abilities to provide something that was already being delivered like that.
225 00:36:49.080 –> 00:37:03.930 Jason Mefford: In those other industries and say hold it, we can do the same thing right why, why do you have to you know go to Mary odd or Hilton to get a hotel room, what if we can set up an APP for that.
226 00:37:04.560 –> 00:37:17.910 Jason Mefford: And bypass those companies would it work well it kind of works over here so let’s try it here Sure enough, it worked right and it’s created billions of dollars worth of value and made it easier for people.
227 00:37:18.510 –> 00:37:41.190 Jason Mefford: uber lyft same thing right hey well if you can do it in a hotel space, can you do it in the taxi space, you can right, but again, it was those people having those multi disciplinary you know mindset and the complex problem solving skills that were able to find the solution.
228 00:37:42.060 –> 00:37:53.400 nicola osinaike: Exactly, but you raise another challenge, and you know the people that have started those amazing businesses, and there are people like that that may not be in big spaces, but have that same mindset.
229 00:37:53.820 –> 00:38:03.000 nicola osinaike: How do you retain them as an organization because, naturally, they do not follow rules because that’s what that was made, that is what makes them.
230 00:38:03.420 –> 00:38:18.840 nicola osinaike: Then they are creative they push the boundaries, they don’t follow ABC they want it to be all over the place, because that that’s what makes them happy and if they’re in environments that are very stifling you are not going to hold on to them you just won’t know.
231 00:38:19.350 –> 00:38:32.370 Jason Mefford: And you see that, time and time again because i’ve worked enough with startup tech companies that that usually the people who found them or the you know initial people that get it started once it becomes corporate fide right.
232 00:38:32.430 –> 00:38:42.270 Jason Mefford: Saying hey you know you go public and all of a sudden now you’ve got to follow all these rules and you bring in all the stodginess of corporations usually they end up getting asked it.
233 00:38:43.170 –> 00:38:51.630 Jason Mefford: Because they don’t conform, and so, then they go off and they start a new company right and and just keep going because again that doesn’t fit.
234 00:38:52.350 –> 00:39:01.290 Jason Mefford: Who, they are like we talked about at the beginning with you right, so instead of conforming to the corporates they just go start something new.
235 00:39:01.860 –> 00:39:11.790 Jason Mefford: And it’s interesting because you know ilan musk is one of those people now the only reason he hasn’t been kicked out he is he has never given up control.
236 00:39:12.240 –> 00:39:13.230 Jason Mefford: By right.
237 00:39:14.250 –> 00:39:21.990 Jason Mefford: So they can’t kick him out and I, and I remember hearing him on an interview one time because because people were giving him grief about.
238 00:39:22.350 –> 00:39:30.150 Jason Mefford: You know tesla you know it doesn’t have very good corporate governance, you need to get better corporate governance and we want to you know put all these little.
239 00:39:30.780 –> 00:39:38.370 Jason Mefford: Safeguards around you so you can’t do some crazy stuff you know, and he looked at him and he’s like well you know what i’m not going to do it.
240 00:39:39.090 –> 00:39:47.670 Jason Mefford: And if you want a company that has really good corporate governance on paper, I think, Ford motor company does once you go invest in them instead.
241 00:39:48.420 –> 00:40:05.310 Jason Mefford: right but market has shown, I mean tesla is one of the most valuable companies in the world, doing it his own way doing it creatively, you know, using some of these you know multi disciplinary complex problem solving skills that we’ve been talking about.
242 00:40:05.910 –> 00:40:07.500 nicola osinaike: So I think there’s room for both.
243 00:40:07.710 –> 00:40:14.070 nicola osinaike: Jason certainly I think there is room, because I think as an artist by trade, you know I am all for corporate governance.
244 00:40:15.450 –> 00:40:22.560 nicola osinaike: I think I think there’s a good balance to be struck, but the only thing I did want to say is I just think this whole concept is relevant to.
245 00:40:22.920 –> 00:40:30.960 nicola osinaike: Absolutely everybody if you’re a florist if you work in HR if you work in procurement, I think, the reality is.
246 00:40:31.380 –> 00:40:42.330 nicola osinaike: for you to make better decisions, you need a slightly different skill set I mean you need data to start with, but then you need to be able to understand what to do with it and then how to make decisions so.
247 00:40:42.690 –> 00:40:50.370 nicola osinaike: I think there’s going to be a shift in all walks of life in terms of business, not just the corporate because that the environment is so competitive.
248 00:40:50.760 –> 00:41:04.740 nicola osinaike: You need an edge to be able to compete, so you know even florists or different kinds of stores, are you know, look at the ones that have gone past because they refuse to go digital well that they’re now no longer.
249 00:41:05.580 –> 00:41:07.470 nicola osinaike: So this is what and I think.
250 00:41:07.980 –> 00:41:19.590 nicola osinaike: I think this is the reality of what happens when you are slow, but I think you know it does happen, but people just don’t believe it will be them, hence they just stay in their comfort zone.
251 00:41:20.550 –> 00:41:24.390 Jason Mefford: yeah and so to kind of you know, to kind of end and wrap up kind of where we started.
252 00:41:24.660 –> 00:41:26.100 Jason Mefford: You know, again, is it’s like.
253 00:41:26.580 –> 00:41:49.140 Jason Mefford: You know that so many people are afraid of making a mistake of doing something different of allowing themselves to actually be themselves right because again it’s it’s you add a lot more value to this world, and you will be a lot happier if you just embrace who you are.
254 00:41:49.740 –> 00:41:52.200 Jason Mefford: and be who you are.
255 00:41:52.440 –> 00:42:07.770 Jason Mefford: Right, and so you know i’ll go back to a couple of examples we talked about Elon musk now I think he’s on the autistic scale at some point right to where a lot of people would say Oh, you know he just doesn’t have what it takes well because he sees the world differently.
256 00:42:08.790 –> 00:42:17.640 Jason Mefford: And he embraces who he is that way yeah he can be a pain in the butt to work with i’ve heard some horror stories okay so i’m not i’m not i’m not i’m not endorsing that side of it but.
257 00:42:18.420 –> 00:42:28.950 Jason Mefford: Because he’s who he is and he in he he embraces that he sees the world differently than other people temple grandin is another one who you know autistic person.
258 00:42:29.430 –> 00:42:41.340 Jason Mefford: But I mean that woman has done some amazing stuff in life because she sees the world differently and embraces who she is you know and part of her life now is look.
259 00:42:41.760 –> 00:42:49.620 Jason Mefford: there’s all these other people that are a little bit different that don’t fit in the mold but it doesn’t mean that we’re not valuable.
260 00:42:50.310 –> 00:43:01.200 Jason Mefford: right we add a tremendous amount of value by seeing things in a different way and I think that’s kind of what we’ve been saying here too, and the fact that you know what look it’s.
261 00:43:01.830 –> 00:43:11.610 Jason Mefford: We don’t you don’t know until you try something and Okay, maybe it didn’t you know work out the way you were expecting it to you’re not gonna die.
262 00:43:15.750 –> 00:43:19.170 Jason Mefford: I mean most every most every decision that we have in life.
263 00:43:20.280 –> 00:43:21.600 Jason Mefford: doesn’t lead to death.
264 00:43:21.840 –> 00:43:24.540 Jason Mefford: yeah So what is there really to be afraid of anyway.
266 00:43:28.740 –> 00:43:29.250 Jason Mefford: regret.
267 00:43:30.060 –> 00:43:34.230 nicola osinaike: I think that’s more scary than failure, personally, but you know.
268 00:43:35.640 –> 00:43:45.900 Jason Mefford: me to which is probably why why we operate the way that we do yeah and and you know it’s you know, again, maybe, maybe you’re sitting there listening to this going ooh.
269 00:43:46.350 –> 00:43:52.800 Jason Mefford: I want to, I want to do some of this, I want to be a little, I want to be a little braver have a little bit more courage in my life right.
270 00:43:53.820 –> 00:44:02.580 Jason Mefford: try to do something right you’re going to start getting evidence I mean you were talking about confidence yourself right that it’s it’s take it takes a while.
271 00:44:02.970 –> 00:44:11.880 Jason Mefford: To build up the confidence, just like it takes time to build up the confidence and playing the guitar right, but over time if you’re consistent at doing it.
272 00:44:12.390 –> 00:44:26.100 Jason Mefford: you’re going to get more confident and and then again it’s like you know what I say to and i’ve heard a few of my friends actually say something to this effect, just because i’m afraid doesn’t mean i’m not going to do it.
274 00:44:28.320 –> 00:44:35.160 Jason Mefford: And when you can get to that point in your life, you know to where you say yeah that scares me a little bit, but i’m gonna do it anyway.
275 00:44:36.210 –> 00:44:42.330 Jason Mefford: You know i’m gonna go ride the ball, you know if I if I get an opportunity to write a bowl and i’ve written mechanical bulls before.
276 00:44:43.980 –> 00:44:45.660 Jason Mefford: real life bovines right but.
277 00:44:45.720 –> 00:44:56.400 Jason Mefford: Ah, but you know it’s like yeah you know hey Jason you want to ride the ball it’s like yeah what’s the worst that’s gonna happen i’m gonna fall on you know some foam.
278 00:44:56.850 –> 00:44:59.370 Jason Mefford: It ain’t gonna kill me, and it was actually pretty fun.
279 00:44:59.640 –> 00:45:00.150 nicola osinaike: Right well you’re.
280 00:45:00.540 –> 00:45:03.240 Jason Mefford: Not trying it because the more you regret not trying it.
281 00:45:03.990 –> 00:45:09.930 Jason Mefford: Well, in and that’s you know again it’s how many people at the end of their life.
282 00:45:11.070 –> 00:45:12.060 Jason Mefford: are filled with regret.
283 00:45:13.620 –> 00:45:23.520 Jason Mefford: don’t be that person right don’t be that person just live your life now be who you are embrace embrace who you are look at the world differently.
284 00:45:23.970 –> 00:45:32.910 Jason Mefford: develop some of these skills, I don’t know trying to wrap up a little summary, am I missing anything kind of final thoughts, you know from you to leave everybody with.
285 00:45:34.410 –> 00:45:47.970 nicola osinaike: I just I think like I said the balance is always Is it better, is it less painful to stay in a bad situation rather than take a risk and try something different, I think that’s the balance I think most for most people.
286 00:45:48.540 –> 00:46:00.540 nicola osinaike: The fear of failure is less it’s just the perception, I think, of being a grown up and I don’t think it’s really accepted that grown ups make mistakes, and I think that’s part of the problem.
287 00:46:01.440 –> 00:46:05.220 Jason Mefford: is grown ups to make mistakes i’ve been a grown up long enough that.
288 00:46:06.240 –> 00:46:08.640 Jason Mefford: I promise we do make mistakes and it’s okay.
289 00:46:09.660 –> 00:46:12.480 nicola osinaike: I tell my kids all the time it’s perfectly fine.
290 00:46:12.750 –> 00:46:20.640 Jason Mefford: yeah well, thank you for taking the time today, you know for people that want to reach out to you how else, the best way to get Ahold of you.
291 00:46:21.420 –> 00:46:35.070 nicola osinaike: And so you can find us on my website so that’s www dot audit data hub.com you can follow me on linkedin so we’ve got audit data hub.
292 00:46:35.670 –> 00:46:45.210 nicola osinaike: Or the data hub on linkedin or Nicola ocean I cater that’s O s I n Ay Ay ke on linked in.
293 00:46:45.630 –> 00:47:00.960 nicola osinaike: And I am an advocate for data for everyone so non technical data training, so if you’re interested or you just want to know more about how you can upscale yourself in data just be brave get in touch and i’m happy to have a conversation yeah.
294 00:47:00.990 –> 00:47:08.940 Jason Mefford: Perfect well again, thank you for coming on because I know it’s you know your life has been proof right to people that.
295 00:47:09.630 –> 00:47:16.500 Jason Mefford: hey we’re gonna we’re going to take course corrections in life and everything is going to work out everything happens for you not to you.
296 00:47:16.980 –> 00:47:33.330 Jason Mefford: And you know, again we get to where exactly where we need to be by going through even what we might consider as mistakes sometimes it’s just a part of life and it’s really not a mistake anyway it’s just feedback, so you can make a better decision next time.
If you are an overthinker, someone who finds themselves sweating the small stuff or just someone who feels like they need to control every aspect of their life then this episode is for you!
Jason will share with you today some stories from his own life, along with a little bit of a musical treat with you.
So let’s keep calm and tune in to today’s episode!
Get a VIP backstage pass and behind the scenes information when you sign up for The Jamming with Jason newsletter: https://bit.ly/3k53OjS
1 00:00:01.829 –> 00:00:11.219 Jason Mefford: Today we’re going to talk about the concept of keep calm and carry on and i’ll share with you exactly where that comes but.
2 00:00:11.730 –> 00:00:21.090 Jason Mefford: You know if you’re like most people you might be somebody who is an over thinker or someone who gets anxious about things and wants to try to control.
3 00:00:21.480 –> 00:00:41.400 Jason Mefford: Everything in their life so if that’s you, and even if it’s not you’re going to want to listen today because we’re going to talk about some important ways to help you reduce stress in your life and keep calm and carry on so with that let’s roll that episode.
4 00:00:44.310 –> 00:00:50.280 Jason Mefford: Alright well today, I wanted to come on this is kind of a little impromptu podcast recording and.
5 00:00:51.660 –> 00:01:04.710 Jason Mefford: The reason for it is just a couple of things that have actually happened in my life, this week, so I thought i’d share because it’s just one of those things that kind of hit me that I need to talk about so here I am my friends.
6 00:01:05.940 –> 00:01:12.180 Jason Mefford: Now, again, as you as you listen to this you’re going to get a lot of value from what you hear today.
7 00:01:12.900 –> 00:01:19.320 Jason Mefford: And you’re going to be able to figure out ways in which you can actually reduce some of the stress in your life.
8 00:01:19.980 –> 00:01:30.780 Jason Mefford: And when you do that right when you finish listening to this episode, make sure to leave a comment and review on the podcast and then make sure and share it.
9 00:01:31.170 –> 00:01:38.940 Jason Mefford: with other friends and family that you know who might also need to hear the same message right because sharing is caring.
10 00:01:39.660 –> 00:01:47.970 Jason Mefford: Now, a lot of the people that I work with are very stressed out there type A personalities that tend to.
11 00:01:48.540 –> 00:01:56.640 Jason Mefford: overthink a lot they end up getting in their head and what I call kind of wrapped around the axle if you know what that term means.
12 00:01:57.150 –> 00:02:07.950 Jason Mefford: And because they go about their day trying to control everything and what they think is responding is technically usually reacting.
13 00:02:08.550 –> 00:02:26.520 Jason Mefford: Now anytime that we jump into that or we we tend to react more often, we end up making things worse and so i’m going to share with you some some some techniques today and some like I said some things that have been have just kind of surfaced up in my life.
14 00:02:27.750 –> 00:02:37.920 Jason Mefford: With some conversations that i’ve had with people this week that I want to share now, you may have heard of that term before keep calm and carry on okay.
15 00:02:38.430 –> 00:02:46.830 Jason Mefford: That comes from a World War Two era marketing campaign that was done in the United Kingdom in England during the war.
16 00:02:47.400 –> 00:02:58.500 Jason Mefford: Because at that time you know there, there was bombing going on in England, and so you know the air sirens would go off people would have to go down into the into the bomb shelters.
17 00:02:59.040 –> 00:03:16.050 Jason Mefford: And throughout the night there would be bombs dropping, and so the the the British Government, you know wanted to kind of rally the troops, if you will, right and in remind people that look just be calm and carry on we’re going to get through this.
18 00:03:17.220 –> 00:03:25.560 Jason Mefford: So they ended up coming up with this marketing campaign printed off a whole bunch of flyers that they had intended to put up all over London.
19 00:03:26.220 –> 00:03:35.310 Jason Mefford: That didn’t really happen, but what ended up happening was those documents got stored and somebody found them 50 or 60 or 70 years later.
20 00:03:35.940 –> 00:03:44.940 Jason Mefford: And that’s why you’ve seen now that that whole slogan keep calm and carry on you’ve probably seen the little image different places that’s really where that comes from.
21 00:03:46.080 –> 00:03:52.800 Jason Mefford: And you know when there are things like that going on in our life when it feels like there’s bombs dropping all around us.
22 00:03:53.190 –> 00:04:02.580 Jason Mefford: It can be pretty unnerving it can be pretty stressful and at that time you know we really you have a choice you can decide to try to be calm and work through it.
23 00:04:03.270 –> 00:04:14.730 Jason Mefford: Or you can freak out right the really The choice is up to you now i’m guessing you don’t really like freaking out, I know I don’t like freaking out and that’s why I want to talk to you today okay.
24 00:04:15.240 –> 00:04:31.080 Jason Mefford: Now, before we get we get started into me kind of sharing some stories, I thought this would be a good time as well to play a little song to you and kind of talk about that as we’re getting into what we’re going to talk about today so.
25 00:04:32.130 –> 00:04:40.920 Jason Mefford: Let me go ahead and get ready over here and and will actually just we’ll get going we’ll we’ll play and we’ll sing a little bit as we go along here okay.
26 00:04:42.570 –> 00:04:44.820 Jason Mefford: So you probably heard this one.
27 00:04:59.940 –> 00:05:07.830 Jason Mefford: here’s a little song and Bobby mcferrin the road, I want to sing a note for note don’t worry.
28 00:05:10.710 –> 00:05:12.090 Jason Mefford: be happy.
29 00:05:15.570 –> 00:05:21.540 Jason Mefford: Every life we have some trouble when you were a kid.
30 00:05:26.940 –> 00:05:27.750 Jason Mefford: happy.
31 00:05:48.210 –> 00:05:49.950 Jason Mefford: Please do.
32 00:05:51.600 –> 00:05:55.650 Jason Mefford: Somebody came in your bed, but don’t worry.
33 00:05:59.070 –> 00:05:59.880 Jason Mefford: happy.
34 00:06:03.060 –> 00:06:06.330 Jason Mefford: And load say yo man to play.
35 00:06:07.470 –> 00:06:07.890 Jason Mefford: My.
36 00:06:09.720 –> 00:06:11.520 Jason Mefford: game, but don’t worry.
37 00:06:14.460 –> 00:06:15.720 Jason Mefford: be happy.
38 00:06:17.580 –> 00:06:18.270 Jason Mefford: i’m happy.
39 00:06:34.980 –> 00:06:37.830 Jason Mefford: got the cash in cash flow style.
40 00:06:38.880 –> 00:06:42.750 Jason Mefford: God no Gal to make me smile don’t worry.
41 00:06:45.900 –> 00:06:47.730 Jason Mefford: be happy.
42 00:06:52.020 –> 00:06:56.310 Jason Mefford: Okay, so just a little bit of the song, but again, you know you can’t listen to that song.
43 00:06:57.420 –> 00:07:05.790 Jason Mefford: But not actually put a little smile on your face, you know and and I think again, you know, sometimes we take life too seriously.
44 00:07:06.270 –> 00:07:11.820 Jason Mefford: And, and we really freak out right, and you know, in the in the song, you know things about.
45 00:07:12.300 –> 00:07:18.390 Jason Mefford: You know don’t have any money the landlord says that he’s going to litigate you know you may have been in a situation like that, before.
46 00:07:18.810 –> 00:07:27.450 Jason Mefford: You know, at the end of the day, though everything always seems to work out, and this is what you know again the older that I have gotten The more I realized.
47 00:07:27.810 –> 00:07:39.780 Jason Mefford: everything works out just fine and things don’t kill us we make it through what seemed to be tough times if we keep calm and carry on Okay, so let me.
48 00:07:40.380 –> 00:07:47.190 Jason Mefford: Let me bring you up to speed or give you a little context as to as to why I really wanted to talk about this today to you.
49 00:07:47.850 –> 00:07:54.870 Jason Mefford: Because like I said I actually got a call from one of my friends yesterday and Just to give you a little context on the story.
50 00:07:55.290 –> 00:08:01.380 Jason Mefford: So you can kind of understand you know what’s what’s going on here and why this was an issue and why i’m talking about it.
51 00:08:02.280 –> 00:08:08.730 Jason Mefford: One of my friends who actually is also an instructor they they teach courses they taught courses for many, many, many years.
52 00:08:09.330 –> 00:08:16.830 Jason Mefford: And you know a lot of times when you when you build a course when you give a speech you’re usually referring to where you’ve done a bunch of research.
53 00:08:17.310 –> 00:08:29.250 Jason Mefford: And so you know typically again, we will cite who we have who we’ve you know done the research with if there’s certain quotes or other things like that then we’ll attribute those to those people.
54 00:08:30.210 –> 00:08:39.300 Jason Mefford: And what ended up happening was you know and again this person has been doing this for years has hundreds of courses that are out there and speeches and other stuff.
55 00:08:40.020 –> 00:08:51.540 Jason Mefford: But, for some reason somebody decided to be mean and and sent some emails of you know they found that there were three sentences in this one particular course that were not.
56 00:08:52.020 –> 00:09:05.340 Jason Mefford: Particularly attributed to a some source, and so the person was going off on my friend, about how unethical and and bad they were you know really trying to shame that person.
57 00:09:05.820 –> 00:09:17.880 Jason Mefford: And again, you know for somebody who’s really trying to do the right thing and feels like they’re a good person when somebody attacks you like that it can obviously trigger you right so.
58 00:09:18.270 –> 00:09:25.290 Jason Mefford: So this person was calling me and saying okay Jason here’s the facts, what do I do i’m really scared about what could happen.
59 00:09:25.830 –> 00:09:34.380 Jason Mefford: Right, because in that space, again, I mean all of a sudden, you start thinking oh my gosh people are going to sue me i’m going to lose all this money blah blah blah blah blah right.
60 00:09:34.860 –> 00:09:48.060 Jason Mefford: And all of a sudden right, it can start spinning out of control, in fact I got about five messages probably from this person within about an hour like hey I need to talk to you right away okay.
61 00:09:49.110 –> 00:09:59.550 Jason Mefford: So I call them talk to them, you know we talked about the about the the item and, as far as I could tell probably not a big deal right there was somebody who was just having a bad day.
62 00:10:00.000 –> 00:10:10.230 Jason Mefford: That decided to be mean to my friend and say some really hurtful and mean things in the email, so I didn’t see it as that big of a deal now again my friend.
63 00:10:10.560 –> 00:10:20.880 Jason Mefford: she’s you know this person is trying to do the right thing Okay, and so you know again trained and risk management trained and trying to respond to some of these things.
64 00:10:21.300 –> 00:10:31.890 Jason Mefford: And so, my friend, all of a sudden just starts going ballistic thinking wise right and just starts jumping in and overthinking about this whole thing and trying to scenario plan.
65 00:10:32.340 –> 00:10:39.540 Jason Mefford: about all of the different things that might go wrong or how how how this my friend might be impacted from it okay.
66 00:10:40.620 –> 00:10:40.920 Jason Mefford: Now.
67 00:10:42.180 –> 00:10:49.590 Jason Mefford: i’m going to fast forward a little bit because, again, I had the conversation with my friend and said look I really don’t think it’s that big a deal I wouldn’t worry too much about it.
68 00:10:50.250 –> 00:10:55.350 Jason Mefford: Now, unfortunately, my friend didn’t take my advice right a lot of people don’t take my advice that’s fine.
69 00:10:55.740 –> 00:11:05.280 Jason Mefford: Listen to the podcast you can take my advice you don’t have to take my advice it’s entirely up to you right, you have free will, you can choose to do what you want to do.
70 00:11:05.970 –> 00:11:15.240 Jason Mefford: But I talked to my friend again today, so you know 24 it was technically probably like 28 hours had had transpired, since I talked to my friend.
71 00:11:16.620 –> 00:11:23.040 Jason Mefford: and come to find out that you know, during during the day, my friend it ended up staying up very late until two or three in the morning.
72 00:11:23.430 –> 00:11:36.510 Jason Mefford: Trying to go back through all of the different courses that they had you know talking to attorneys talking to other people freaking the Fuck out okay like literally freaking the Fuck out.
73 00:11:36.990 –> 00:11:48.330 Jason Mefford: So much so that my friend forgot to eat or stay hydrated during the day and so last night, my friend passed out right.
74 00:11:48.870 –> 00:12:10.770 Jason Mefford: Because you know again my friend wasn’t taking care of themselves instead was so worried and got so wound up about what appeared right that they were really anxious about this thing that was going to be this really big deal and, at the end of the day, it’s not right, I mean again.
75 00:12:11.880 –> 00:12:20.760 Jason Mefford: The advice from a the advice from the attorneys from other people not really a big deal, but you know again.
76 00:12:21.270 –> 00:12:27.150 Jason Mefford: My friend is very risk averse wanting to you know, make sure that they’re always seen as doing the right thing.
77 00:12:27.660 –> 00:12:39.750 Jason Mefford: And so, still has this whole action plan now Why am I talking to you about this, because how many times in your life have you done something very similar right, in fact, we have some you know.
78 00:12:40.200 –> 00:12:49.590 Jason Mefford: family members in my family right now that are having some health issues and again it’s very easy right for people in my own family as well.
79 00:12:49.950 –> 00:13:00.630 Jason Mefford: To get very anxious about things that you don’t know if they will ever happen right and the problem is, you know, again, we think that we’re doing a good thing.
80 00:13:00.990 –> 00:13:17.010 Jason Mefford: By trying to prepare by trying to think this through, but we end up spending a tremendous amount of energy and end up finding ourselves in a Funk finding ourselves kind of depressed or feeling flat.
81 00:13:18.390 –> 00:13:29.670 Jason Mefford: Instead of just doing what Bobby mcferrin says, you know of don’t worry be happy, of the British campaign keep calm and carry on.
82 00:13:30.150 –> 00:13:38.190 Jason Mefford: Because again what I will tell you is having lived as long as I have so far Okay, and I still got a long ways to go in my life.
83 00:13:38.790 –> 00:13:51.600 Jason Mefford: But most of the things that I have freaked out about never came to pass Okay, a lot of the time and energy and anxiety and everything else that I felt.
84 00:13:52.200 –> 00:14:06.420 Jason Mefford: from some of these things never amounted to anything okay so here’s kind of the tip that I want to leave with you and kind of share today, something that i’ve been doing and something that would probably serve you well as well.
85 00:14:07.710 –> 00:14:09.000 Jason Mefford: When these things come up.
86 00:14:10.260 –> 00:14:25.080 Jason Mefford: is to first really figure out is it a really big deal, most of the time and i’m I would say, probably 99.9% of the time when we are fearful or have anxious thoughts about something.
87 00:14:25.920 –> 00:14:36.450 Jason Mefford: We don’t have to do anything we don’t have to do anything, and it will pass okay so as an example.
88 00:14:37.200 –> 00:14:46.440 Jason Mefford: Today, and this is something that i’ve been doing for a while, so if you ever email me and I don’t get back to you for a day or two well hey i’m busy.
89 00:14:46.980 –> 00:14:55.080 Jason Mefford: But there also might be another reason as well, right, so one of the things that I do in my life is, for example, if I read an email.
90 00:14:55.710 –> 00:15:04.470 Jason Mefford: And that email triggers me or it’s somebody, on the other, line that is is all my gosh you know i’m drowning and need deep water.
91 00:15:05.340 –> 00:15:14.070 Jason Mefford: What my modus operandi is I ignore it and it’s not because i’m ignoring the person.
92 00:15:14.610 –> 00:15:24.210 Jason Mefford: But because what again what i’ve taught you before told you already is most of the time these things will take care of themselves.
93 00:15:24.720 –> 00:15:31.440 Jason Mefford: In fact I don’t know how many times, you know again that i’ve done this because I don’t want to waste a bunch of my time or my energy.
94 00:15:31.920 –> 00:15:41.190 Jason Mefford: on things that really probably aren’t a big deal, and so, in fact, what will happen often is again, I will get these frantic emails from somebody.
95 00:15:41.910 –> 00:15:47.310 Jason Mefford: or frantic calls from people that I ignore for a few hours or maybe a day.
96 00:15:48.000 –> 00:16:04.620 Jason Mefford: And Sure enough, before I even respond back to them, the problem has already been fixed Okay, so I didn’t have to worry about spending that time or energy on something that probably wasn’t a big deal anyway.
97 00:16:05.040 –> 00:16:13.920 Jason Mefford: In fact, this morning, again I wake up i’m looking at my emails a little before eight o’clock I tend to not like to start work until about nine.
98 00:16:14.370 –> 00:16:21.150 Jason Mefford: And I get an email from somebody that triggers me a little bit you know and again it’s it’s because they’re kind of.
99 00:16:22.110 –> 00:16:32.250 Jason Mefford: You know, making a bigger deal out of something that really probably wasn’t a big deal now again my first gut reaction is oh my gosh I gotta respond back to that right.
100 00:16:32.880 –> 00:16:38.820 Jason Mefford: But again i’ve trained myself to realize that you know what most of the time these things will take care of themselves.
101 00:16:39.330 –> 00:16:47.100 Jason Mefford: So I didn’t respond back you know I saw that the message was there I did the couple of things that I needed to do first thing in the morning.
102 00:16:47.430 –> 00:16:52.320 Jason Mefford: About two or three hours later, was going to go back and respond to this person’s email.
103 00:16:53.010 –> 00:17:00.990 Jason Mefford: Go back into my email sure enough what happened in the meantime, the person had pretty much answered their question already okay.
104 00:17:01.410 –> 00:17:15.120 Jason Mefford: So again, most of the time these things will actually take care of themselves and, as I told you, before you know a lot of times when we when we try to jump in when we try to.
105 00:17:15.960 –> 00:17:29.250 Jason Mefford: You know, stop gap use whatever word you want right that we’re jumping in and we’re trying to fix something most of the time, are trying to fix something actually makes it.
106 00:17:29.730 –> 00:17:42.210 Jason Mefford: Worse Okay, so not only do we go through all of the stress and anxiety, but often we end up making it worse because we cause confusion and everything else that goes on, with life.
107 00:17:42.960 –> 00:17:55.500 Jason Mefford: The other thing is that we don’t serve people well if we are always there to catch them when they fall because a lot of times, people need to experience and go through things on their own.
108 00:17:56.160 –> 00:18:07.320 Jason Mefford: We don’t have to fix their problems it’s their life, they should be fixing their own problems as well right now again i’m not saying, not to be helpful to people.
109 00:18:07.680 –> 00:18:22.080 Jason Mefford: But sometimes the kind thing to do is to stand by and watch someone go through a situation they need to go through to learn what they need to learn okay.
110 00:18:22.650 –> 00:18:33.870 Jason Mefford: And it also means again we don’t need to you know jump into their ship either okay pardon my French, but I don’t pardon my French here, in fact I don’t even speak French, but whatever.
111 00:18:34.920 –> 00:18:46.320 Jason Mefford: OK so again the whole idea folks is this idea of keeping calm and carry on or as Bobby mcferrin says don’t worry be happy man.
112 00:18:47.670 –> 00:18:53.340 Jason Mefford: You know, most of the time you know again i’m sure that you don’t want any more anxiety or stress in your life.
113 00:18:54.030 –> 00:19:12.780 Jason Mefford: Well, what if you chose not to allow that anxiety or stress or fear to be in your life, did you realize you actually have a choice, you have a choice to decide whether you’re going to jump in and get wet, so this is a term that I learned from the great Jim 14.
114 00:19:13.800 –> 00:19:23.520 Jason Mefford: You know, is, we can choose to jump in the water and get wet with everyone else, or we can choose to stay dry, so you know again.
115 00:19:24.060 –> 00:19:36.600 Jason Mefford: Yesterday, when I was talking to my friend, I could have chosen right to jump in and be all worried and concerned, just like my friend was but no, I chose to stay dry.
116 00:19:37.140 –> 00:19:47.730 Jason Mefford: I didn’t see it as an issue I wasn’t going to give it an extra thought I was going to help answer my friends questions, but ultimately it’s my friends path.
117 00:19:48.120 –> 00:19:55.350 Jason Mefford: that they have to go down i’m there to support, as long as I can be supportive, but again it’s really something that they have to do.
118 00:19:55.950 –> 00:20:05.910 Jason Mefford: And so again, you know, most of the time, the things that you are feeling anxious or fearful about probably if you ignore it.
119 00:20:06.450 –> 00:20:20.640 Jason Mefford: or just move on and do something else, a lot of times it’s actually going to fix itself because it’s funny how life just tends to work out exactly the way that we need it to.
120 00:20:21.240 –> 00:20:30.960 Jason Mefford: Even though sometimes we’re trying to control we’re trying to white knuckle we’re trying to hold on and make things work out exactly the way we think.
121 00:20:31.500 –> 00:20:45.690 Jason Mefford: It needs to work out, but what again I have found is most of the time when you allow life to just unfold it usually unfolds in a much better way than we could have ever even imagined.
122 00:20:46.380 –> 00:21:07.890 Jason Mefford: So with that again my friends have a great week and, again, think about just relax you know don’t worry be happy keep calm and carry on because, again, whatever is going on in your life it’s probably not going to kill you, and if you just relax everything is going to work itself out.
