What makes some people so confident and successful, while others struggle and are frustrated? Is it what they do?

Research says it’s the habits they practice, in fact all successful people practice some of the same habits.

In this #fireandearthpodcast #podcast episode we talk about two more of those habits. So listen in to learn how you can start practicing these habits in your life to unlock your limitless potential.

And since this is a series, you will want to listen to all three success habit episodes and share with your friends and family.

Transcript

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Jason Mefford: Welcome to another episode of the fire North podcast i’m your co host Jason method.

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Kathy Gruver: And i’m Kathy gruver and we tease Jeff we said it was going to happen.

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Kathy Gruver: we’re doing the next of those good habits that we’re talking about So the first two if you don’t remember was building good relationships and thinking strategically So here we are back with a couple more so just i’ll let you introduce our next little topics there.

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Jason Mefford: take it off and will tease them again a little bit and then again will said there were kind of seven probably more than seven, but a list of seven that i’ve been working off of right now.

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Jason Mefford: But yeah and again So these are these are habits that are what successful people do i’ve seen it, you know with successful leaders, but.

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Jason Mefford: These are habits again.

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Jason Mefford: That will make your personal life or your business life better right because it’s not about the doing it’s about.

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Jason Mefford: The habits that we have developed and the person that we’re being that’s what makes the difference right so so yeah we talked about focusing on relationships and thinking strategically last time, so if you missed that one just go back and watch that podcasts that’s why they’re there.

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Jason Mefford: Right, so this next one let’s jump into the next one is being a dynamic communicator.

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Kathy Gruver: Oh, one of my favorite topics.

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Jason Mefford: um yeah so communication is important.

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Jason Mefford: In general right, and so you know again what’s what’s the difference, you know if you think about.

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Jason Mefford: I could hand people and we’re both speakers to right we’ve seen this in the industry to I could hand to people exactly the same script.

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Jason Mefford: Okay, and tell them here’s your speech and one person is going to deliver something that is dynamic and inspiring and the other person is going to be more like this right and put people to sleep and be monotone and on the next slide me right.

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Kathy Gruver: We do a whole talk do.

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Jason Mefford: Ever yeah yeah yeah.

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Jason Mefford: yeah so so again right what’s the what’s you know how do you do this right well think about.

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Jason Mefford: Think about some of the people that you’ve listened to, or people that have communicated to you in a dynamic way right and i’ll just use this example I think one of the greatest speeches of all time is, I have a dream Martin Luther King jr Okay, and in the way that he put that together.

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Jason Mefford: And you know the the callbacks that are in it.

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Jason Mefford: The the other things you know and in, for example, let’s just let’s just take the title.

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Jason Mefford: Of it right he didn’t show up and go, I have a plan.

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Jason Mefford: No, because a plan is something that’s boring right a plan is something that’s 3D left brain analytical.

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Jason Mefford: He said, I have a dream.

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Jason Mefford: And don’t we all have a dream right so immediately he’s connecting with the people who he’s talking to because we all have dreams.

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Jason Mefford: yeah and for especially all the people that he was talking to the world wasn’t the way they wanted it to be.

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Jason Mefford: But he was able to use psychology and language patterns and some imagery and other things like that to be able to communicate dynamically.

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Jason Mefford: with other people.

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Kathy Gruver: evoked emotion.

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Kathy Gruver: To and we do that through vocal intonation through you know slowing down and speeding up through facial expression through gestures, you know so much of our communication is nonverbal.

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Kathy Gruver: So is what your face is doing and what your body doing matching the intention, you have with that communication, and you know.

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Kathy Gruver: The communication loop is so simple, how do we screwed up, I want to communicate something to you, I say it, you know you communicate it back we’re done.

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Kathy Gruver: How do we mess that up it’s like three steps you know put at any point during that communication loop anything can be screwed up maybe you don’t know what you actually want.

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Kathy Gruver: Maybe you’re communicating in a way that’s not clear, maybe i’m distracted or stress i’m not really hearing you maybe i’m seeing every cent thing through this like hazy.

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Kathy Gruver: windshield of negativity maybe i’m tired i’m hungry, maybe I give you an answer to a question you didn’t really ask that you know there’s all these different.

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Kathy Gruver: Communication we’ve we’ve talked about communication before this huge topic, you know, and I think so much of it is, what do you want and how can you communicate that, in the best way to the person you’re communicating with.

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Kathy Gruver: Maybe it’s their visual learner so you want to actually get in front of them, maybe they’re an auditory so leaving voicemails fine man, you know it’s like there’s so many things to think about in being that type of communicator.

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Kathy Gruver: And it’s so funny when I did my first tedx talk I got off the stage and one of the other speakers, he was.

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Kathy Gruver: Up to me, and he goes.

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Kathy Gruver: So can I ask you a question, and I said yeah and he goes you been doing this, a while and I so yeah so I was an actor and then you know i’ve been speaking for for quite a number of years, and he goes.

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Kathy Gruver: How do you do that with your face.

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Kathy Gruver: And I thought, what the Fuck am I doing with my face like and I said, what are you talking about he goes will your face like.

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Kathy Gruver: If there’s times you smile and there’s times, like you, you are expressive and i’m thinking, how do you not do that with your face and I went back because I couldn’t see his talk, because I was you know, in the backstage area and then, when I watched all of our videos his face never moved.

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Kathy Gruver: He did the entire talk and it wasn’t necessarily monotone there was a little bit of intonation but his face didn’t change and i’m thinking, how do you not talk with your fate, I mean like even right now i’m just i’m always i’ve always.

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Jason Mefford: talk with you right.

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Kathy Gruver: I don’t know what that accent was but it’s like this is why I have so many wrinkles and lines because i’ve always been so animated.

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Kathy Gruver: And it’s like you, do you know what you’re portraying Do you know what your body’s doing to know what your face looks like do you know.

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Kathy Gruver: You have to learn these things about yourself listen to your communication watch your communication, so that you know how you’re coming across I think that’s one of the best things we could do is actually record ourselves, and you know notice.

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Kathy Gruver: What type of communicator we are how things are coming across because if you’ve got a scowl on your face when you’re saying I love you like I don’t worry it’s not right.

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Jason Mefford: yeah cuz people it’s it’s it’s not the words themselves right it’s it’s more of the everything else that goes along with it and so like you said right, I could I could go I could i’m just going to practice something here right wop Bob Hello Bob.

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Jason Mefford: Bob Bam boom tutti frutti now that’s.

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Jason Mefford: What it is that’s right it’s it’s kind of depressing and the way that I said it, but if you hear little Richard a lot BA BA BA BA BA Bam boom tutti frutti will be a tutti frutti we see the difference right now I know we’re like all right let’s.

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Kathy Gruver: get a test.

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Jason Mefford: Right that’s that’s dynamically communicating right I just said the same exact words.

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Jason Mefford: But one.

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Jason Mefford: hit the mark right gotcha listen evoked emotion in you.

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Jason Mefford: In, and again I mean this is kind of one of those things it’s a little subtle thing because a lot of times, especially with leaders that I work with in business.

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Jason Mefford: They feel like they can’t bring emotion into work right it’s not personal its business, I must be very plastic, while I am at work well that’s not how humans interact and you got to bring the emotion in if you want to really inspire and motivate people.

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Jason Mefford: don’t you don’t you’re not going to do that, and as a leader you’ve got to inspire and help motivate and influence people.

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Kathy Gruver: Absolutely well if people can’t tell that it’s an important thing if they don’t know that holds value to you why are they going to get on board with it.

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Kathy Gruver: You know you don’t have to scream and yell and cry but but motivating people to action is an art and I think so much of that is facial expression and pauses and you know I love pausing during talks.

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Kathy Gruver: and bringing people into that because they kind of leave in go watch.

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Kathy Gruver: You know, finding a way to use those pauses and that intonation is such an art and I love playing with that one of my favorite things to do during talks.

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Jason Mefford: It is, and so you know again if because I hear this from a lot of people to their like.

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Jason Mefford: People don’t listen to me.

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Jason Mefford: Well, if you’re being boring people are not going to listen to you it’s like.

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Kathy Gruver: Maybe you’re sorry but you know, unless you’re going to be a little bit more dynamic, people are probably not going to listen to.

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Jason Mefford: You right and as well, are you listening to other people right.

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Jason Mefford: yeah I see that so much of the time to have people that are like well i’m not getting this or this isn’t happening like hold up a mirror What do you mean hold up a mirror.

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Jason Mefford: yeah you doing this for other people.

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Kathy Gruver: know when someone’s talking to you and you’re like yeah.

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Jason Mefford: yeah yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: No, no yeah no I know.

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Jason Mefford: yeah Why would they turn around and listen to you.

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know.

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Jason Mefford: yeah so you know, again, one of the one of these habits for for people that are successful and again this is it’s not just leaders it’s everybody in general right.

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Jason Mefford: I mean, think about the people you enjoy being around.

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Jason Mefford: Are they good communicators most likely.

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Jason Mefford: Right, because you don’t want to hang out with a bunch of boring people do they tell stories are they a good storyteller.

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Jason Mefford: Do they tell jokes are they animated do they use their face when they talk.

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But.

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Kathy Gruver: I can’t even do it like I can’t I just can’t not do I just just.

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Jason Mefford: it’s.

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Kathy Gruver: A whole separate entity I don’t know what this is doing.

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Kathy Gruver: Sometimes it gets me in trouble, but.

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Kathy Gruver: ya know it’s true and it’s so funny because.

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Kathy Gruver: Literally my boyfriend I Eric we had this conversation last night about how much we value our communication, because if there’s an issue.

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Kathy Gruver: If there’s a thing, where it’s like Oh, you know I came home and nothing was done and you were playing video games and and.

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Kathy Gruver: You know the trash wasn’t taken out, and you know there’s no anger about that it’s hey you know let’s talk about this.

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Kathy Gruver: I need this, what can we do to work this I mean like we talk about those things that we’re having issues with or one of us will say i’m having a feeling about something can we talk about that.

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Kathy Gruver: it’s the best communication ever and it’s so strengthened our relationship, because we know that, no matter what the issue is.

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Kathy Gruver: We can have a conversation about it and resolve the issue without fighting arguing resentment without that i’m gonna sit over here pout these know hopefully they’ll notice something’s wrong, we don’t play that game, you know.

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Kathy Gruver: it’s like I don’t expect anybody to read my mind.

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Kathy Gruver: Unless i’m there for that purpose, on purpose it’s like that that open communication and knowing what you want, and sometimes like to sit with it it’s like okay what am I feeling.

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Kathy Gruver: Like what do I need, what is the issue oh that led to that okay oh okay that’s the thing, sometimes I can work it out myself, sometimes I need to go to him or a friend, or something else and be like dude this happened, and we need to talk about it, the best thing ever.

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Jason Mefford: yeah but, like you said, I mean unless you communicate.

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Jason Mefford: Things are going to change millions and so again the end the better that we can get how we’re communicating with other people.

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Jason Mefford: Right, the better life is going to be.

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Jason Mefford: Is if you’re sitting there if you’re mopey over in the corner like.

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Jason Mefford: pitch to Kathy right now, because she did something that I didn’t like well you’re not you’re never going to know it unless we communicate about it right and that whole the whole idea of well, they should know.

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Jason Mefford: That sounds really childish that nearly one more person say that to me, but they should know how I feel because I looked at them this way.

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Jason Mefford: How do you even know they saw you.

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Kathy Gruver: know that is so, I hear.

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Kathy Gruver: Women tend to be worse with that I don’t think i’ve ever heard a guy say that when i’m coaching people.

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Kathy Gruver: Women do that, although he should know what he should know that I wanted that for valentine’s day he should know that I like dinner out, he should know that have you ever frickin told him that.

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Kathy Gruver: Have you ever told him that.

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Kathy Gruver: When I wanted a specific thing for valentine’s day I was, like, I would like to sing for valentine’s day he goes great Thank you, I never would have thought to give you that.

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Kathy Gruver: Is it magic.

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Kathy Gruver: right if you know what I is there this part is like Oh, I wish you would have thought about that yep sure of course that’s the movies, we watch.

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Kathy Gruver: But I would rather say hey I love this thing can I have it, as opposed to me wishing he would somehow determined from the universe, that I want it i’m not a Kennedy where I can’t circle stuff in the sears catalog for Christmas and like put it.

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Kathy Gruver: I would dog your pages and circle, the shit that I wanted to give it to my mom and be like this she’s like all right.

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Jason Mefford: yeah i’m thinking Christmas story, you know when he pulls.

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Jason Mefford: He like.

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Jason Mefford: tears out the page of the red Ryder bb gun and puts it, this month magazine, you know those little subtle things as kids.

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Kathy Gruver: But he was asking for what he wanted it was still communication, it was still communicate cool excellent all right well great great communicators now we’re using our faces all right what’s that.

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Jason Mefford: So the next one is curious learner.

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Jason Mefford: Oh, something that I love right because I I learned something new every day.

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Jason Mefford: Yes, but it just amazes me at how many people they go through their formal education and they stop learning.

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Jason Mefford: Because, for some reason you know we’ve been taught that you can only learn if you’re in school, again, this is probably one of those bullshit things that you know conspiracy from the universities and whatever else that you have that’s, the only way to learn.

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It yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Not the word conspiracy theorists but.

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Jason Mefford: Like I don’t know where it comes from it doesn’t matter right, but the but the point is that a lot of people they really only learn, are they in in a formal setting and they stop learning.

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Jason Mefford: When they get out of it.

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Jason Mefford: Right, I remember, I was talking to this one guy that I knew and he was he was very proud of the fact that he had only read one book, since he left high school.

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Jason Mefford: He was a really interesting guy right did I want to talk to him for very long nope right because he was very, very closed minded i’ve everything I needed to learn i’ve already learned kind of a thing so obviously you could tell he was rather opinionated.

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Jason Mefford: yeah and he knew what was right, even though half of what he was saying was completely not documented truth right, so you know again how many people just kind of stopped that way.

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Kathy Gruver: versus.

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Jason Mefford: Do you remember what it was like to be a kid right and it’s like wow, that is, the coolest looking dragon fly I have ever seen.

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Jason Mefford: Right, yes, are we pull out the magnifying glass and yeah we used to.

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Jason Mefford: burn hands but.

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Jason Mefford: We use a magnifying glass to to look at to learn more about that sure we’re wanting to right, so why can’t we get back to being like a kid.

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Jason Mefford: Being curious like the kid.

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Jason Mefford: and actually learn every single day because.

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Jason Mefford: You know the reality is there’s lots of stuff for us to learn.

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Jason Mefford: Absolutely, and every single day, we should be learning Now this is even more important now because we’re in the knowledge, you know we.

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Jason Mefford: We had the industrial revolution and things like that, while we’re in the you know kind of intellectual revolution that you have to be learning and growing, things are moving at such a fast pace that as humans, we have a hard time keeping up with it.

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Jason Mefford: So unless you’re curious unless you’re unless you’re.

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Jason Mefford: You know, constantly learning and you’re curious about that.

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Jason Mefford: you’re not going to be a very good leader.

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Jason Mefford: right if you’re stuck in the past.

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Jason Mefford: Usually, believing a lot of things that are no longer true.

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Kathy Gruver: Yes, yeah and what I love about the learning thing, even if it’s even if you’re learning, something that will quote never help you in the future.

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Kathy Gruver: So, like, I had a client who does computer coding know jack shit about computer coding, and I asked her about it once i’m like Can you explain to me how that works like.

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Kathy Gruver: Just like, how do you how do you even come up like, how do you come up with that and he goes Oh, and he launched and he goes there’s two different languages and he goes, and I was fascinated.

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Kathy Gruver: i’m not going to go code, something it didn’t move me forward in my career at all.

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Kathy Gruver: But you know what I got to be curious about another person, which helps build relationships which was the first one, we talked about.

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Kathy Gruver: And it expands my brain it keeps my brain growing and synapses firing and connections be being made in a way that it wouldn’t have elsewhere, and I am gone so I mean if I could be in school forever I would have every bloody degree that you could possibly have.

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Kathy Gruver: The other day I went out to the mailbox we have people that live in the front house of where we are.

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Kathy Gruver: And there was a like a flyer for continuing education in the mailbox and I got excited but it wasn’t for me it was for me as a psychologist and I was like Okay, and I looked at it and it was a class that I went.

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Kathy Gruver: Oh, my God I would love to take this so I took the flyer out of the mailbox I then replaced it and I went to this site which is nothing but hundreds of continuing education programs for psychologists.

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Kathy Gruver: I saw I logged out I signed up I logged in and I started to go through their courses and I finally said.

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Kathy Gruver: You better take my credit card, and he goes, what are you doing and my boyfriend walks over I had 1500 dollars worth of continuing.

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Jason Mefford: Education.

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Kathy Gruver: In the shopping cart and he goes, do you need $50 and I went no I don’t need any of this.

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Kathy Gruver: But this is going to help me help more people and I just got so excited I end up taking two courses for them already, and it was showing lightning and so educational and it just excites me to no end like I want to know everything about everything.

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Kathy Gruver: How do you make a pillow like what is the difference in the stuff like How does that teammate how did you know it’s like I want to know all of that.

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Kathy Gruver: And that’s where I just think that like that little kid thing of curious curious curious, I want to know ever I was that kid that asked why, but everything i’m sure I drove my parents crazy.

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Kathy Gruver: But.

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Kathy Gruver: It allows us to be bigger.

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Kathy Gruver: Bigger people, but like more expanded deeper people yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Well, so again if you’re wondering well, what does it mean to be curious three wind and just listen to what Cathy just said.

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Jason Mefford: that that is the epitome of what a curious person is right, we want to learn these things, it is, I mean learning is my favorite thing to do.

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Jason Mefford: And it’s and it’s again, you know, sometimes yes it’s in you know continuing education courses hell that’s one of that’s one of the companies, I own folks right I.

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Jason Mefford: Love doing that I love.

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Jason Mefford: Providing those opportunities for other people to learn, but it’s not it’s not always you know or doesn’t have to just be in the formal sense right so so even again just to.

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Jason Mefford: peel back the layers so you guys can see how my brain works too right it’s like I love watching movies, I love listening to.

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Jason Mefford: Music right and i’ll tell you when I watch a movie right and you probably do this a little bit to Kathy having been an actress but you know also i’ll sit there because I own media company as well.

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Jason Mefford: Right so so it’s like i’m sitting there.

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Jason Mefford: i’m i’m watching the movie for the storyline and I particularly like movies, that are based on real on true events Okay, because then I can kind of I can learn a little bit about something that I didn’t know about before I can go fact check afterwards what’s.

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Jason Mefford: True what’s not true right, because if you’re making a movie you have to make a good story so sometimes you have to embellish it that’s okay for telling the story, but what really happened right.

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Jason Mefford: And so, so i’ll sit there I love it from from that learning perspective i’ll sit there and view the movie from wow That was a very interesting camera angle, I love how the.

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Jason Mefford: director had him do that right and and the images of switching from this scene to the next scene ooh I like that, right now, why am I thinking that well it’s interesting for me, but also it helps me with my business.

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Jason Mefford: As well right yeah I look at you know again kind of the emotion that’s being felt in it it’s like Oh, how do they feel that emotion.

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Jason Mefford: Right or looking at things like what can I learn from that story.

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Jason Mefford: So, because a lot of times in life right it’s it’s we can either experience everything ourselves or we can learn from others.

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Jason Mefford: So you know, do I want to be a you know, a drug addict and on my fifth marriage and lose all my money no I don’t want to do that, but I want to learn.

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Kathy Gruver: To hear it.

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I.

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Kathy Gruver: said yes i’d be like Okay, we.

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Jason Mefford: are right.

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Kathy Gruver: And we need to talk.

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Jason Mefford: But it’s but it, you know and it’s whatever it is right.

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Jason Mefford: That we can actually learn from these other people.

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Jason Mefford: Absolutely, and so even something is what a lot of people would just put on a movie veggie out.

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Jason Mefford: I do sometimes, but again i’m trying to learn and be curious about all of this wow How would it be to grow up in a village in Africa, under those circumstances right now again i’m probably never going to do that, but by thinking about it doesn’t it make me a more compassionate person.

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Jason Mefford: And someone who’s more understanding.

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Jason Mefford: of some of the shit other people have gone through that I haven’t gone through.

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Jason Mefford: yep yes so.

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Jason Mefford: i’m becoming more it’s expanding me.

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Kathy Gruver: It expands our consciousness and it can never shrink back to where it was before once you’ve expanded it it’s fabulous.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah cool all right, we got through tomorrow we have 15 more to go.

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Jason Mefford: For anybody who’s been counting right.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah if they’ve been counting then no that’s not 15.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah there’s three more.

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Jason Mefford: But we got two more so again, we talked about in another episode, we talked about relationships and about thinking strategically today we talked a little bit about being a more dynamic communicator and being a curious learn.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah so we have three more.

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Because.

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Kathy Gruver: I did math.

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Jason Mefford: And math.

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Jason Mefford: You did you did a hard thing, and it was good.

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Kathy Gruver: wasn’t that hard.

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Jason Mefford: Sometimes, for me.

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Jason Mefford: anyway.

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Kathy Gruver: or half yeah got it cool excellent OK, so now you’ve got four so far of the seven if you missed the first to go back and watch and stay tuned for the next three they’re going to be on page 12 system.

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Kathy Gruver: that’s a shorter newspaper it’s a fall additional I don’t know anyway, I just make sure that i’m gategroup I haven’t reached a Kathy group COM.

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Jason Mefford: i’m Jason method, I can be reached at Jason method calm so go out and have a great rest of your week and we’ll see you on the next episode of the fire and earth podcast see ya.

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yeah.

What makes some people so confident and successful, while others struggle and are frustrated? Is it what they do?

Research says it’s the habits they practice, in fact all successful people practice some of the same habits.

In this #fireandearthpodcast #podcast episode we talk about two of those habits. So listen in to learn how you can start practicing these habits in your life to unlock your limitless potential.

And since this is a series, you will want to listen to all three success habit episodes and share with your friends and family.

Listen in at: http://www.jasonmefford.com/fireandearth140

Transcript

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Jason Mefford: Welcome to another episode of the fire North podcast i’m your co host Jason method.

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Kathy Gruver: And I am Kathy gruver welcome back we’re so excited to be here with you.

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Kathy Gruver: Today, as always, as you can see, we don’t have a guest today.

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Kathy Gruver: it’s just us it’s just us so Jason are going to talk about ways to be a good leader he’s got a very phenomenal list of things so we’re going to cover a couple of those and then you’re gonna have to tune in.

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Kathy Gruver: To the next one or a future one to hear the rest of them we’re going to give you a little cliffhanger there no.

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Jason Mefford: kind of feel like Paul Harvey today, you know, and now, for the rest of the story.

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Jason Mefford: yeah you know you don’t.

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Jason Mefford: have to wait until the end or turn to page 13 for the story.

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Kathy Gruver: which I never understood this, the whole newspaper like magazine thing like at the end there’s, just like the ends of like five different articles it’s very confusing because I didn’t realize that as a kid so I.

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Kathy Gruver: was like.

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Kathy Gruver: What is cat litter boxes have to do with peace in Israel, I mean like I you know it just was very confusing to me so.

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Jason Mefford: yeah yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: Great well, maybe not anyway yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: we’re going to be here and, as always, should.

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Kathy Gruver: share some tips tricks and tools to unleashing your limitless potential.

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Jason Mefford: Yes, we thought we talked about this i’ve been doing a lot of work about some of the different habits of successful leaders okay and.

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Jason Mefford: Specifically in some of the groups that I that I serve and what’s interesting you know is is, you can have a lot of people think that success is about what what you do, but it’s actually not about what you do it’s about how you do it and the person that you’re actually being.

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Jason Mefford: Okay, and so you know, again, you might be thinking well what what are you talking about that doesn’t make any sense well.

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Jason Mefford: How, you know i’m sure you’ve seen this too right where you know, two different people do the same thing, but they get completely different results happens all the time.

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Jason Mefford: Right and so because the reason is it’s not so much about the doing it’s about the person that’s doing the doing how they’re being.

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Jason Mefford: So so yeah we thought we’d go through, and we talk, talk about a couple of them today i’ve got a list of seven will get through a few today you’ll have to listen in the future for other other ones right.

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Kathy Gruver: we’ll do three and a half.

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Jason Mefford: will do three three and a half, leave them hanging on the one right.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: it’s 37 has the second.

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Jason Mefford: yeah and if you’re trying to find page 37 in the podcast good luck, because it’s not agitated oh anyway.

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Jason Mefford: agitated I know there’s there’s a $10 word for the day.

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Kathy Gruver: it’s a good word, why is it page and pagination why isn’t it page unaided.

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Jason Mefford: Probably is, as we speak English and we just do everything in a bastard way in English.

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Yes.

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Jason Mefford: Okay, so so let’s just talk let’s just go through we’ll talk about a couple of.

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Jason Mefford: Right, so the first one is focusing on relationships.

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Jason Mefford: So people that are successful, they focus on relationships again, you might be sitting here listening this going door cry.

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Jason Mefford: But, are you actually focusing on relationships, maybe not right, because I don’t know if this happens to you Kathy but.

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Jason Mefford: You know, as as we get busy we get this huge long to do list these tasks, these projects that we have to do.

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Jason Mefford: And, most of us default back to just check in off the tasks checking off the projects because we got to get it done, and so you know, usually what ends up happening is we steamroll over other people.

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Jason Mefford: In trying to get done what we have to get done, and so we kind of throw that relationship piece out of the mix.

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Jason Mefford: And you know I learned that early on in my career and I remember getting set down by my chief financial officer and kind of had the finger waved at me and she said, you know Jason you’re you’re really good at doing your job.

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Jason Mefford: But, but right, so you know what somebody says, but you’re about to get smacked right.

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Jason Mefford: yeah then she said, but you you tend to steamroll people and run over them.

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Jason Mefford: To get done what you need to do.

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Jason Mefford: Right and again that was like that was a big wake up call for me right, it was a young executive, so you know, like said Kathy I mean i’m sure you’ve probably seen that in your life to write the people who focus on relationships versus the people that are.

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Jason Mefford: Just focused on getting shit done.

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Kathy Gruver: yep well and to add to that, I mean if you look at something like linkedin or social media, the whole point of that is to build relationships.

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Kathy Gruver: And how often does someone connect with you on linkedin and then 10 seconds later, you get this 30 paragraph sales pitch it’s like I don’t know you.

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Kathy Gruver: Like I don’t know who you are I don’t you know it’s great for you to say what you offer, but I don’t need a 30 paragraph sales pitch and my uncle who.

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Kathy Gruver: Like classic salesman he sold cardboard and cardboard boxes, like, I never understood as a kid of.

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Jason Mefford: Money and corrugated I used to work in industry.

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Kathy Gruver: It was hilarious because, as a kid like we’d all go out to dinner and he’d stop as we’re leaving the restaurant like go through the recycling and like look at boxes my dad and I are like.

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Kathy Gruver: Because I didn’t understand why he was looking to see where they got their cardboard, which was now I get it, but when I started doing more speaking stuff and I was reaching out to.

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Kathy Gruver: kind of pitch myself, he said Cathy here’s, the key to sales if they like you they’ll see you if they trust you they’ll buy from you.

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Kathy Gruver: And it’s about building those relationships and the other thing that i’m seeing a lot of and it’s so funny when you started this your sentence and you went relationships da.

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Kathy Gruver: I don’t know that it’s done, I think most people don’t think about it anymore, I think we’re so.

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Kathy Gruver: focused on self and so focused on what I want, I want to get stuff done, the thing that i’m seeing right now is people are building relationships with those people they think can help them.

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Kathy Gruver: And they’re completely forgetting about the rest, you know I have, I know a business owner right now now granted he’s a raging narcissist like in the classical.

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Kathy Gruver: sense of that he’s a narcissist and if he thinks that these people will be important if he thinks they’ll admire him and away if he thinks they will boost what he wants he’s the nicest guy in the world, but he treats his own staff like shit.

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Kathy Gruver: And it’s like I can sit back and watch this and I find it so irritating because you know I grew up in a family, where relationships was was the thing.

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Kathy Gruver: My dad was so personable he was everybody loved my dad he was the nicest guy like no one could complain about my dad.

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Kathy Gruver: So it’s like that’s how I was raised of you’re nice to people you’re friendly you’re funny you know you you build that rapport and so to see people who run businesses who aren’t doing that I think that’s.

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Kathy Gruver: Well they’re doing themselves a disservice because their staff hates them, it sounds like you’re not building those relationships internally or externally.

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Jason Mefford: Well, and it’s interesting because as you’re talking about that you know, like this business owner that you’re referring to.

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Jason Mefford: Adam grant talks about you know takers matters and givers as well as the terms that he has right.

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Jason Mefford: And if you and, if you think about it right, I mean if you’re in that just check the box got to get stuff done scanning it and saying what can I get from this person you’re a taker right you’re just trying to take from other people.

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Jason Mefford: Now if if if somebody were to come in and if I were to come into your House right and take something What would you call me a thief.

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Jason Mefford: Right, why are you taking my car taking my book.

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Jason Mefford: Taking my whatever.

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Jason Mefford: Right, so if I come into your space, and I take something from you we’d be pretty pissed off right because we’d look at that person and think that person stealing from me.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah yeah.

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Jason Mefford: But how many people take take take take take and they think it’s okay.

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Jason Mefford: All right, I mean I get this all the time, you know, like you said I get hundreds of messages a week from people that just want to take.

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Jason Mefford: me, without ever having any kind of a relationship.

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Jason Mefford: And so again we’ve we’ve used the analogy before right it’s like if you’re dating somebody on the first date you go you don’t go hey let’s start making babies right you go.

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Jason Mefford: You might but you’re probably going to get slapped in the face.

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Kathy Gruver: What about the practicing making babies.

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Jason Mefford: Is Oh, there you go.

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Jason Mefford: Okay, but usually there has to be some relationship.

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Kathy Gruver: built right yeah.

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Jason Mefford: And again, especially in our desire to be so productive right everything in our day has to be so productive, we have to be checking off the list we really have forgotten how important relationships are.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah.

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Jason Mefford: it’s one of the reasons to why you know people are depressed they feel alone it’s because you’re just taking from people and you’re not actually developing those relationships.

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Kathy Gruver: And it takes work.

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Kathy Gruver: You know, it really does take work, and you know I realized a couple years ago it’s like I see clients.

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Kathy Gruver: And I see it, that’s my husband.

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Kathy Gruver: That was it now I have developed friendships with most of my massage clients just because you can’t help it you see them every week for years you’re going to develop that rapport in that relationship.

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Kathy Gruver: But I suddenly realized it’s like I don’t have girlfriends like if I need if I need something or if I want to go hang out or if I.

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Kathy Gruver: Who am I calling, you know so it’s just as important to have those personal relationships built up as it as those business ones and.

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Kathy Gruver: Everybody is so busy, and then you’ve got friends with kids and then you’ve got frank, you know, but I have been going out of my way for the last couple of years to make sure we’ve got people coming over to our night for one.

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Kathy Gruver: You know I invite people over constantly because I want to share that time in that space with them and the household wine that I have.

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Kathy Gruver: You know I want to share that with people and build those relationships and have that rapport because it enriches our lives, it makes us fuller.

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Kathy Gruver: And I think that was one of the big stressors during coven was.

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Kathy Gruver: We didn’t have that social interaction that we so desperately need we are social animals, even if you’re an introvert.

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Kathy Gruver: We are social animals we need that interaction, so I love the building relationships, I think that’s that’s I love that it’s first to because I do think that’s key to so many other things.

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Jason Mefford: Well it’s interesting because, like you said to you know it different points in all of our lives, we need something Okay, I mean i’ve lived long enough that I know that there’s been certain times in my life that I need something or I need someone’s help.

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Jason Mefford: yeah and I know, in the future it’s going to be that way as well right there’s going to be some something that happens in the future i’ve.

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Jason Mefford: Not even thought about or contemplated but i’m going to need somebody help now if if you haven’t talked to somebody.

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Jason Mefford: In 10 or 15 years and the first thing they do is call you and ask you for money or ask for whatever it is that they need chances are you’re probably not going to reciprocate right.

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Jason Mefford: Right and so again, you wouldn’t want people doing that to you so don’t do that to other people.

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Jason Mefford: yeah right you’ve got to develop those relationships along the way, and yes, in the future, your friends are going to they’re going to want to help you.

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Jason Mefford: But you have had you have to have had that relationship over time, or else they’re going to just feel like they’re being taken advantage of.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah.

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Jason Mefford: I feel like you’re being taken advantage of by somebody else.

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Jason Mefford: That in a real relationship right that’s me sneaking in your House and stealing your stuff okay yeah don’t do that.

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Jason Mefford: Okay, that to that to that to that.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah.

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Jason Mefford: All right, I.

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Jason Mefford: Remove that, from my to do list for this week.

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Kathy Gruver: Excellent well, I mean there’s some stuff we could probably get rid of.

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Kathy Gruver: My boyfriend would like me to get rid of the rat skeleton but you know that’s just it’s art so.

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Kathy Gruver: When next time we do what’s on my desk i’ll bring down the red skelton it’s terrifying it’s terrifying I was massaging a client.

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Kathy Gruver: And I needed to get my car from the car thing I just an oil change and I knew it was on the way to his house when he was going home.

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Kathy Gruver: And I said hey you know, I have a favor to ask you Would you mind after your massage if you’re not rushing off to somewhere, could you just drop me at the car place so I can pick up my car and he goes.

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Kathy Gruver: Kathy Thank you so much for asking he goes I would love to be of service and that way you help so many people, and it is the least I can do for you is to get you to drop off your car Thank you so much for letting me do that for you and I was like.

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Kathy Gruver: wow that’s a relationship, you know that is people helping each other and being of service to each other, so if.

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Kathy Gruver: it’s kind of slightly off topic, but if you need if you do need something from someone.

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Kathy Gruver: ask them people who love you want to help, so you know reach out to those relationships that you built know the level of that relationship and.

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Kathy Gruver: You know don’t be afraid to ask when you need something that was just such a beautiful lesson for me when he was so thankful to get to help me do something so that’s kind of cool.

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Jason Mefford: Well, and that’s a good lesson, because so much of the time we feel like we’re imposing on people.

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Jason Mefford: By asking right, but again, if you have there if you have the relationship with someone.

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Jason Mefford: It actually benefits the other person, it allows them to serve and like you said that that man that was like i’ve so much want to drop you off right a lot of people want to serve and want to help out we just we don’t know how.

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Jason Mefford: That and so actually asking for the help or allowing other people to serve benefits them, but it also benefits us.

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Kathy Gruver: As well totally yeah it was a really neat lesson so yeah I was, I was, I always think about that.

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Jason Mefford: yeah so that’s one of the first habits.

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Jason Mefford: And again.

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Jason Mefford: it’s called a habit why because you’re you’re being someone who is in relationship with other people and so you’re constantly being the person like your dad and your uncle I think right.

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Jason Mefford: Who are just these gregarious happy people that are always developing relationships doing what they can.

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Jason Mefford: To help others and develop those relationships, you know how many times have you gotten a card from somebody or a text and said hey I was just thinking about you today.

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Jason Mefford: yeah, no, no, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing big I was just thinking about you wanted to let you know.

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yep.

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Kathy Gruver: You know I did all the time I have an old client who moved to Hawaii years ago and she popped into my head a couple of times.

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Kathy Gruver: So, like two or three days ago I messaged her on Facebook i’m like hey, I just wanted to let you know, I was thinking about you.

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Kathy Gruver: I hope your family’s great I miss you guys so much and just I hope just having a beautiful day and she’s like.

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Kathy Gruver: Oh, my God Thank you so much for reaching out a totally made my day to know you were thinking of me if you’re thinking of somebody reach out and tell them that that’s I do, that all I did that yesterday to I passed an old restaurant that a friend of mine owns that he.

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Kathy Gruver: shut it down a couple years ago and I was like just thinking of you, I hope, you’re doing great how’s the family, like it’s so nice to get that.

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Kathy Gruver: So give that to.

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Jason Mefford: yep exactly so that’s first one, focusing on relationships, the second one is thinking strategically.

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Jason Mefford: And, and this one is hard for a lot of people, because you know I work a lot with leaders.

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Jason Mefford: executive leaders and organizations and so.

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Jason Mefford: As we’re growing and developing in our career we start off kind of supervising people.

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Jason Mefford: And we start managing people right, these are like day to day tasks kind of stuff right Kathy are you getting your work done sort of thing and so we’re very much focused on on the the individual tasks are the things.

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Jason Mefford: That are right ahead of us.

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Jason Mefford: And that’s really all that we focus on because we’re just trying to get through what we need to get through right.

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Jason Mefford: Right, but when you move to becoming really a leader, instead of a supervisor or manager, you have to start thinking much more strategically.

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Jason Mefford: And so, an analogy that I use a lot is you know people you know when you’re sitting outside and mosquitoes start coming around right, what do you start doing, most people start SWAT and that the mosquitoes right they get all they get all busy and fixated on the mosquitoes.

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Jason Mefford: And Swanton mosquitoes all day that they don’t even recognize when that alligator is coming up behind them.

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Jason Mefford: And going to eat them right because they’re focused tactically instead of strategically so really.

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Jason Mefford: You know, as as a leader, one of the things that you have to do is be more strategic you know, and this is hard for a lot of people to do.

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Jason Mefford: Because we get so.

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Jason Mefford: caught up in doing our day to day stuff that we never take time to stop and reflect.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah good point.

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Jason Mefford: One of the executive forums, I run we we had a call yesterday and that’s what I told them like you know.

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Jason Mefford: congratulate yourself, for showing up for yourself for an hour and a half.

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Jason Mefford: yeah because what we just talked about in the last hour and a half is moving you to that strategic level right so now, you can go back to your organization and you can say oh.

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Jason Mefford: I never thought of these things like this before.

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Jason Mefford: yeah right and so it’s taking that pause thinking more strategically, but again it’s not what we’re used to.

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Jason Mefford: yeah so for a lot of people is uncomfortable to stop and look at the bigger picture.

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Kathy Gruver: And and essentially because i’m trying to because I don’t have that kind of position.

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Kathy Gruver: i’m just a solo printer kind of thing so it’s like i’m thinking about where have taught where have there been spaces in my career, either as a massage therapist as a speaker as an author, where this applies to me because i’m not managing other people.

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Kathy Gruver: But what I think it’s the way it’s translated in my brain is the knowing what I want.

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Kathy Gruver: And I think sometimes you know, going back to the being stuck in the weeds kind of thing it’s like I have gotten in the past, I think i’m a little bit out of this but i’ve gotten so stuck in another massage kind of never saw.

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Kathy Gruver: That I don’t actually think about okay where’s this ending like what is your goal with all this it’s the old commercial time to make the donuts time to make the don’t.

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Jason Mefford: Like your birth those commercials and anybody under.

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Kathy Gruver: 30 is like what the hell, are you talking about.

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Kathy Gruver: Now it’s time to make the done and I think we do we get into that cycle of just just doing the rat race thing forget it like what is your ultimate goal.

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Kathy Gruver: You know, it was so interested I texted someone yesterday said hey I have a massage opening for Monday.

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Kathy Gruver: He said Oh, you know my boss is now bringing somebody in I don’t need to see you anymore, and there was a part of me that was like God.

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Kathy Gruver: And then I realized I don’t want to be doing massage anymore he’s incredibly difficult to massage because he’s just like a brick he’s solid and I kind of went like Kathy that.

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Kathy Gruver: That does not fit into your plan anyway you’re thinking of the day to day I had an opening fill it as opposed to actually forward thinking to.

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Kathy Gruver: What are you trying to build like what is the future that you want, and so, as I think, from my perspective, the soul, you know strip strategically think kind of fits into that from the.

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Kathy Gruver: I run my own little one person business kind of thing, so does that mean like is that the same kind of thing that you’re talking about.

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Jason Mefford: Well, it is, and actually you know even even when you are a solo printer taking time away so like stepping away.

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Jason Mefford: yeah and like you said, what do you do when you step away well part of it is looking at that, what do I really want to do.

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Jason Mefford: Right giving yourself a little bit of space, because the way our brain works, too, is that we we get so caught up in all that doing doing doing doing doing.

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Jason Mefford: That we can’t allow that other inspiration or other things to come through until we stop, and so you know again solo printers entrepreneurs as well right take a week of vacation take half a day off work.

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Jason Mefford: yeah right and actually just do nothing I did that, yesterday I pretty much ignored my phone didn’t do my emails at all for a whole half a day.

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Jason Mefford: Okay right there’s a lot of people that they join certain coaching groups or masterminds or other things like that, because it it forces them to take a day or two maybe every quarter out of their day and let them be different things differently.

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Jason Mefford: than what they normally do right and so like in your situation yeah well.

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Jason Mefford: You know damn it I don’t have the massage Behold It waited late that’s a part of my business that i’m trying to wind down anyway, because I want to do other things so tactically maybe it sucks but strategically that’s the right thing right and just reminding yourself of that.

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Kathy Gruver: And here’s what’s cool so I have a Facebook group called the empowerment project, and I would like to more coaching clients that’s what I have room for in my in my practice, so I put a thing up on the empowerment project saying hey all.

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Kathy Gruver: I have room for two new coaching clients, this is, I like a succession commitment data, nobody responded, but I was like okay so Friday I got a connection on linkedin who became a coach and client.

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Kathy Gruver: Yesterday I got a call from the husband of one of my current coaching clients he wants to be a coaching client they took the spots on Monday, and I have the two new coaching clients that I wanted.

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Kathy Gruver: So I had I booked that massage.

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Jason Mefford: It wouldn’t it.

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Jason Mefford: wouldn’t have done it.

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Kathy Gruver: The universe.

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Jason Mefford: yeah and so again right that’s one of those things that you put out there.

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Jason Mefford: yeah it doesn’t always come the way we expect it to, but when you when you give yourself the space, and when you put the intention out there things end up happening.

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Jason Mefford: yeah you know I mean I know a lot of business owners, just like you do right and how many times have we heard man that last great idea that I had came from when I took vacation.

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Jason Mefford: yeah and I was talking to my partner we were having drinks in the pool.

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Jason Mefford: And all of a sudden, it just hit me and that idea was worth a million dollars to me.

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Jason Mefford: right because, because what we do is we focus in this kind of goes back to the focusing on relationships to write.

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Jason Mefford: Is your so as a salesperson if you’re so worried about making that hundred or that $1,000 sale.

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Jason Mefford: And that’s all you’re focused on that’s all you’re going to be doing right, but what if what if focusing on a relationship with somebody for three to six months might lead to a million dollar sale where’s the best time spent at that point right.

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Jason Mefford: Absolutely, because because it’s it’s a long term and it’s also a strategic see how these are tying together all there was some thought that went into this folks.

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Jason Mefford: It it becomes that strategic.

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Jason Mefford: thing right you’ll.

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Jason Mefford: see it in the long term, you get the fruits in the long term.

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Jason Mefford: But you only can do that if you’re thinking and acting strategically.

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Kathy Gruver: yep.

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Jason Mefford: You stay on the tactical you’ll just make the hundred dollar sales.

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Kathy Gruver: I completely agree well that’s why we do a longer coaching relationship, you know i’ve had people go well, I just want one or two sessions I can’t.

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Kathy Gruver: do anything with you, and what I mean we have to think to what do you actually want and it takes a couple sessions even figured that out.

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Kathy Gruver: And it is about being strategic and how we use those sessions i’ve got a protocol, now that I do with pretty much every single client varied, of course, depending on what their goal is.

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Kathy Gruver: it’s like it’s not a one and done thing you have to play the long game, you know if you throw the football down the field to try to get a touchdown every single play it’s not going to work will it work every once awhile sure.

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Kathy Gruver: Not every single time you have to think strategically, so I love okay so relationships and strategic.

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Jason Mefford: And again we’ll probably have to do the hey we live in La right it’s Hollywood you gotta wait you gotta wait.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Because I think we’re pretty much wrapping up on time already.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah seven so let’s do two now and we’ll do two later we’ll do the three next.

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Jason Mefford: works from.

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Kathy Gruver: Seven to.

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Jason Mefford: Do.

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Jason Mefford: I do said.

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Jason Mefford: I can still do math in my head at that level so.

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Jason Mefford: that’s what we have dance for.

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Jason Mefford: me yeah yeah exactly.

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Jason Mefford: Alright, so so there’s again, you know and and you know some of it, you know you might be looking at thinking well i’m not i’m i’m executive in a big corporation don’t.

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Kathy Gruver: We don’t have to be right.

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Jason Mefford: All the we’re all leaders, these are all habits, like, I said that i’ve seen the people who are really successful are doing these things, and so again it’ll help you be successful in business, but it also helps you be successful in life.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Totally more, the more you can be strategic the less of a midlife crisis you’re going to have because you’re already thinking about that you know we have those midlife crisis is because we.

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Jason Mefford: We get so busy doing all of the things that we’re doing, and finally, we will wake up and go shit I got.

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Jason Mefford: I only got 30 years more of my life right what am I going to do with the rest of it, then we start asking some of those questions and having some of those thoughts that we really should have been having all along.

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Kathy Gruver: Totally totally I don’t have to give up on my midlife crisis choices that do I.

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Jason Mefford: know you can still do whatever you want.

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yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: This was great I love these two I love the first two of the seven that leaves five.

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Jason Mefford: These five so people have.

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Jason Mefford: A listen.

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Jason Mefford: Listen it listening to hear what those are in a future episode and who knows when that will be or when that will drop so.

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Jason Mefford: Listen every week how about that.

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Kathy Gruver: Oh good teeth cool.

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Kathy Gruver: All right, in the meantime I am Catholic roofer I can be reached at Kathy coover calm.

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Jason Mefford: And i’m Jason effort, I can be reached at Jason method calm so go out have a great rest of your week and we’ll catch you on the next episode of the fire and earth podcast so yeah.

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See ya.

Today is going to be a high flying episode of Fire & Earth! If you didn’t know, Kathy is actually a trapeze artist, and today we will be discussing the life lessons that can be learned through trapeze.

Whether it’s trapeze or something else, there is always a lot to learn about life and yourself when you do something that scares the shit out of you!

So take a listen to our episode and then get out there and do some living!

Listen in at: http://www.jasonmefford.com/fireandearthpodcast/

Transcript

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Kathy Gruver: hey everybody, welcome to another episode of the fire and earth podcast i’m your co host Kathy grover.

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Jason Mefford: And i’m Jason medford, I just wanted to put a little.

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Kathy Gruver: whoo good.

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Jason Mefford: Okay well hey we’re gonna we’re gonna talk about a little loop or floating through the air a little bit because Kathy does something that is pretty pretty amazing in trapeze.

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Jason Mefford: So today we wanted to talk a little bit more about trapeze and how.

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Jason Mefford: trapeze is actually a parallel to life right so Kathy take her away because you know that this is there’s lots of things in life.

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Jason Mefford: That are parallels of life yeah right, and so we should be learning from everything we’re doing and everything we’re observing so let’s talk about trapeze, which is one of the things that you love and.

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Jason Mefford: And what are some of the things from that that we we learn and can take from to make a better life for herself.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah first of all, this is a question, everybody asks how the hell, did you get into flying trapeze that’s a great question, thank you for asking Jason so how I got into.

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Kathy Gruver: I got you were stolen from the by the circus when you were a little child and I ran away the circus enjoy yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah exactly.

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Kathy Gruver: No i’m an adventure junkie and I love trying new things I love saying yes to things my motto in high school was go for it that’s what my license plate on my car says now is go for it actually says go 40 for it, which seems to confuse people but it says go for it basically.

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Kathy Gruver: And so, nine years ago my God How is that possible nine years ago I was doing a massage on the client.

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Kathy Gruver: She said, you know I checked out your website you’re so busy you’re writing you’re speaking you’re doing all this stuff do you time for fun.

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Kathy Gruver: I said oh my God yeah I saw him in spokane and rappelling of zip lining and parasailing paragliding and so on the shark swimming with dolphins, I read through this list.

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Kathy Gruver: She goes good Lord with left on your bucket list, and this is sort of the first thing.

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Kathy Gruver: I said I don’t believe in the bucket list I said, because to me a bucket list is the stuff that you write down and you shove, it in a drawer and you never go back to it until your terminal or you’re at and you realize oh crap I guess i’m not getting to albuquerque.

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Kathy Gruver: Go for those things that you want to do if there’s something that you want to do, and you can do it with the time and the money that you have available to you.

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Kathy Gruver: Why are you not doing that thing, and so, when I told her that story, she said well what, what do you want to try that you’ve not done yet, and I said, you know i’ve always wanted to try flying trapeze.

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Kathy Gruver: And as the words came out of my mouth, I went oh shit I guess I gotta go do that thing.

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Kathy Gruver: So she’s changing your clothes i’m literally googling at that point where I can go do flying trapeze and the closest place, I found was Santa Monica so two hour drive from Santa Barbara.

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Kathy Gruver: And I signed up and I went home that night, and I said to my husband ex husband, I said hey.

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Kathy Gruver: i’m going to take an only child weekend i’m gonna go to Santa Monica i’m going to do trapeze i’m going to spend the night down there and just sort of have a weekend away like absolutely.

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Kathy Gruver: I thought it would be a one time thing I thought it would be just check it off the list and I realized, it was the most exciting invigorating.

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Kathy Gruver: Connected saying that I could possibly do and so over the so many years of doing it i’ve realized.

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Kathy Gruver: it’s not only the best exercise ever it gives you family around the world, because we are so connected with other trapeze artists so that’s been an amazing thing.

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Kathy Gruver: And it’s not only a mindfulness practice it’s also that parallel for life so it’s just it’s been such a huge part of my journey and such a huge enlightenment experience for me.

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Jason Mefford: Well, as you talked about that there was there was a new phrase that I heard this week that the ties into what you’re kind of saying there is is it’s are you marking time.

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Jason Mefford: Or are you living.

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Jason Mefford: And, and that hit me hard, because you know I mean again the older we get and there’s there’s different times and seasons in our life.

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Jason Mefford: In general right but, but are we marking time we’re just here we’re hanging around until we die, you know, making a mark each time we go around the sun.

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Jason Mefford: Or are we actually getting out there and living and so again that example that you just said, have you know a lot of people talk about bucket lists, but you’re right most people write down the list, they throw it in the drawer they never get back to it.

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Jason Mefford: yeah so.

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Jason Mefford: You know don’t wait in and I learned this I learned this from my mother Okay, she she worked hard, she you know her whole life was serving people working hard.

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Jason Mefford: always have this plan she’d always dreamed you know of traveling the world of doing all these things she was an only child as well, so she spent a lot of her time in books.

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Jason Mefford: bar and you know we we.

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Jason Mefford: There were two magazines in my house that we subscribe to readers digest for my dad and.

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Jason Mefford: National Geographic for my mom, so I would sit and watch the you know read through the national geographics as well, and also dream of these places to go and see.

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Jason Mefford: And so my mom you know again she you know we didn’t have a lot of money we didn’t really travel, you know, because we were just trying to put food on the table right.

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Jason Mefford: And so, she went and went through her whole life finally retired and now was going to be the time that her and my dad were actually going to go travel yeah three bouts of cancer later and dead.

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Jason Mefford: So, you know that taught me fairly early that don’t wait until the end your life yeah do the things you want to do, because we don’t know if we have tomorrow.

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Jason Mefford: Right, so you know again to that point it’s not on your bucket list, but you, you took action you know, so I call that like riding the ball.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah.

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Jason Mefford: You know if you get if you get an opportunity to write a bowl.

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Jason Mefford: Read the fucking ball.

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Jason Mefford: thing right.

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Kathy Gruver: I completely agree with that yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Well, and so, and this is, this is where that’s a perfect example of what you said, with trapeze so okay so let’s let’s talk about.

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Jason Mefford: You know, again how How can this be a parallel for life.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah so For those of you who are not familiar with what trapeze looks like because i’ve had people think, I mean tight rope i’ve had people like I mean trampoline, no, no, you climb a really tall ladder.

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Kathy Gruver: And you stand on a very little platform and they hand you this bar that’s really heavy it’s actually.

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Kathy Gruver: Surprisingly, heavy it can wait 10 pounds like wait, what else and it starts to pull you out over the net.

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Kathy Gruver: And you’re looking down and it looks really far down understanding that the net has you know holes in it that’s what a net is so you’re seeing all the way to the ground is kind of an optical illusion.

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Kathy Gruver: And you’re holding on to that bar and you get your second hand on you jump off that platform you soar through the air, the very first trick is you put your knees up on the bar like you would at the jungle gym.

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Kathy Gruver: You let your hands go and, at the end of the class you reach for that catcher they connect you with catch hands you swing with them for a while and then they drop you gently in the net.

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Kathy Gruver: And I started to realize the more I was doing this again one it’s a mindfulness practice because if you’re not present if you’re not listening, the one muscle that you have to bring.

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Kathy Gruver: is listening, for, and your core helps do but, listening, is the most important one, if you’re thinking about something else if you’re jumping ahead to the catch when you’re trying to get off the platform.

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Kathy Gruver: everything gets screwed up so it’s about being present and listening in that moment that’s one of the most important things with trapeze.

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Kathy Gruver: And the few times that I have jumped ahead to another thing or I was rushed or I was stressed, or I wasn’t paying attention i’ve gotten horribly hurt.

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Kathy Gruver: it’s the very least you miss your trick at the very most, end up stitches broken fingers punched in the eye.

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Kathy Gruver: Having said that your first your first having said that your first class is very safe, I was doing very hard stuff so do not discourage yourself from going it’s a it’s a fun thing and very safe.

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Kathy Gruver: But you climb that ladder I think we’ve all had that thing where it’s like we have something that we have to do and it scares us and we don’t think we can do it.

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Kathy Gruver: And we have to climb that ladder and it’s shaky and halfway through you’re exhausted, and you start to question oh my God, can I actually do this.

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Kathy Gruver: And then you get up on this platform, and someone gives you something that you’re not expecting you’re handed this bar and it’s heavy.

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Kathy Gruver: And surprising and you’re like oh I don’t think I can do this, and at some point, you have to jump you have to just say to hell with it and you jump off that platform.

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Kathy Gruver: And you soar and you have to remember that, no matter what happens there’s a net there was always a net there to catch you.

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Kathy Gruver: And there’s always a catcher there for you to there’s always somebody that you can rely on so there’s the safety measures automatically in place someone’s holding your belt.

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Kathy Gruver: They can gently place you down in the net it’s just to me it’s like that’s just so many things you know we have to do this thing it’s scary at some point you just have to say what the hell and do it.

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Kathy Gruver: And there’s always a safety measure in place there’s always in that there’s always somebody there to support you.

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Kathy Gruver: And so, every time I fly I think about that I think about what is hard in my life that i’ve been able to jump off that platform and do, knowing that I have the support, knowing that that safety net is always there.

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Jason Mefford: Well it’s interesting because, like you said you know as you as you, you know yeah if we if we just use that as a metaphor for life right we’re we’re we’re climbing up the ladder.

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Jason Mefford: But how much of the time, do we freak ourselves out and we say, oh no I don’t know if I can do this I don’t know if I can do this and i’m sure you’ve seen P you’ve done this enough you’ve seen people.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah.

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Jason Mefford: They get part of the way up the ladder and they decide not going to do this and i’m going to go down.

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Jason Mefford: or they get all the way to the top of the ladder and they’re standing on the platform and they look down and they have that oh shit moment right because.

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Jason Mefford: You know i’m guessing you’re you’re up 50 to 100 feet.

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Kathy Gruver: Oh God no 2525 to.

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Jason Mefford: 2530 years old.

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Jason Mefford: Okay, so it’s not as high as I was thinking, but still 25 to 30 feet, is a lot for people yeah, especially if you’re if you’re afraid of heights.

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Jason Mefford: And like you said, the optical illusion of looking down, and I think this is this is great.

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Jason Mefford: Because there’s a scene from indiana Jones, if you remember, there was at one point where they get to the edge of the cliff and they look down.

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Jason Mefford: there’s this huge chasm between them and the next area over there right and and they can’t see anything they think Okay, this is it we’re dead right and then realize that no, there is a path that goes over it just happens to be camouflaged.

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Jason Mefford: Look exactly.

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Jason Mefford: Like the area down below, and so it was having that face to put forward.

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Jason Mefford: Ever foot and actually realized that there is something there, just like in in trapeze the Net is there, you might not see it right, because those those strings are pretty small.

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Jason Mefford: Compared to the holes in them.

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Jason Mefford: yep but there always is a net there and again Okay, you might get a broken bone you might you know poke yourself in the eye I don’t.

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Jason Mefford: Know right but there’s going to be a nap there you’re not going to die.

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Jason Mefford: Doing trapeze right because there’s all the safety equipment they like you said they’ve got you hooked up.

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Jason Mefford: And it’s that way in life so much of the time to we’re not gonna die there’s a safety net there’s people around us, you know to be able to help us if we get in over our head and again every time that i’ve done.

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Jason Mefford: Something that scared the shit out of me okay i’ve got a picture back over there of me going scuba diving and the Red Sea.

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Jason Mefford: The fear of drowning.

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Jason Mefford: Okay, and and I don’t swim that well, but I was there and again it was the Fuck it i’m going to do it.

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Jason Mefford: Now, because you know, one of my one of my friends that lived there he’s a top scuba diver instructor, and so I trusted him right, I was scared but I trusted him.

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Jason Mefford: And the first time I tried to go in London so good right, I was getting knocked around.

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Jason Mefford: My flippers we’re we’re we’re slipping on the ma you know the the Moss on the rocks and I I kept getting knocked around from the waves and I just couldn’t do it and I started freaking out right and he looked at me and he could see.

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Jason Mefford: As like let’s just go sit down for a few minutes, so we went and sat down for a few minutes, and you know came back or you’re ready to go now okay well let’s go in this other side instead right.

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Jason Mefford: And so I went in and again the whole time i’m sitting there kind of freaking out a little bit.

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Jason Mefford: But again it’s like I know my friend has my back he knows exactly what’s what’s going on all I have to do is be he’s he’s gonna adjust everything on me that I need to.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah.

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Jason Mefford: And I went down, for I don’t know five minutes wasn’t very long, but it was amazing and that feeling of euphoria when I came out with a water and it’s like I did something that scared the shit out of me.

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Jason Mefford: And I did it anyway.

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Jason Mefford: That feeling of joy and elation is like.

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Jason Mefford: Nothing else that you can experience right, and so, if you want to feel those things it comes after we do the hard work after we do those things that scare us.

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Jason Mefford: Right i’m sure it was the same way with you, the first time, you did trapeze i’m guessing you were probably a little scared or were you like, no let’s go wow.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah I was pretty much the no let’s go.

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Kathy Gruver: But just because to me, you know because I looked at it rationally and went i’m roped in.

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Kathy Gruver: And if you do math I don’t do math but you figure you’re hanging from the bar and i’m five eight so add another one foot and a half of arms, so when you’re hanging from the bar the lowest point your feet are only about four feet from the net.

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Kathy Gruver: So this is, this is the idea of um 25 feet up yeah but you’re only four feet, where you drop gently into the net.

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Kathy Gruver: So it’s like it’s perception to it’s this perception of dangerous as perception of fear and so often, you know in stress is simply a per per.

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Kathy Gruver: section of things it’s our perspective, which we can always shift, so you can think i’m 25 feet up or you can think i’m four feet from the net.

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Kathy Gruver: I want to explain it to people that way they go oh that’s not a scary you know even on the ladder, we have ladder lines, so that if you would happen to fall off i’ve never seen anyone fall flat or if you happen to fall off the ladder it catches you.

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Kathy Gruver: So that you don’t go tumbling down the ladder, there are there are things in place to keep us safe.

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Kathy Gruver: And allow you to have the best experience you possibly can, and I think that’s how life is to now it’s like and how often do we get to just sore.

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Kathy Gruver: You know, we achieve those things, and then we soar through the air and the best part is this catcher when you connect with that person.

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Kathy Gruver: And you know you’re safe and you swing out and you get this feeling of it’s truly this feeling of flying and then they just blew up they.

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Kathy Gruver: Do drop you gently down back into the Net and it’s just the most it’s the most awesome feeling ever, and it was at that moment, when I did that catch and I swung out with a catcher that I went off shit i’m coming back to do this again.

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Jason Mefford: Well, because then, then you get it you feel that adrenaline you.

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Jason Mefford: joy of.

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Jason Mefford: of actually doing it, you know and i’ve seen from you know some of your Facebook posts and everything I don’t I don’t know what these things are that you’re saying, but it’s like i’m going to do a BA BA BA BA BA BA you know or I just did a blah blah blah blah blah and i’m like yeah.

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Jason Mefford: I don’t know but i’m gonna like that, because i’m sure, whatever it was was a big deal I don’t know what it was, but it’s it’s a big deal for you to.

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Jason Mefford: write and again there’s people around us that are cheering there’s not there’s there’s not just people they’re there to catch.

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Jason Mefford: You but there’s people that are there to cheer you on to.

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Jason Mefford: right because I mean who doesn’t love it when somebody does something that’s hard.

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Jason Mefford: And they do it.

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Jason Mefford: it’s great I mean how many how many movies, are based on that.

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Kathy Gruver: Of course.

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Jason Mefford: Right and it’s so there’s always people there to.

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Jason Mefford: That are cheering you on.

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Kathy Gruver: I love it, you said it’s I kind of forget about that part of it, you know we I was there a couple maybe two weekends ago and there was a gentleman having his 50th birthday, it was a surprise, his wife partner, whatever she was brought in.

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Kathy Gruver: As a surprise now i’ve seen this multiple times, where the woman’s in like huge shorts and little sandals and her hair and makeup done.

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Kathy Gruver: And they run the drop is just like what you know.

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Kathy Gruver: You might want to warn people before you surprise them, but this guy was great with his 50th birthday, she got him a flying trapeze something shirt.

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Kathy Gruver: And then said we’re going to do this thing and he’s like oh my God, this is awesome.

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Kathy Gruver: He couldn’t get his knees up he couldn’t do that he didn’t have the flexibility to get as nice through his hands, so we do something called hoc style where you put your hands in the middle and you bring your legs up and around.

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Kathy Gruver: And he kind of got that and he kept talking the lines and the sock came off and but we were rooting for him, we were cheering for him, it was so fun to watch and he finally.

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Kathy Gruver: got his catch he got his legs up he released his hands the catcher got them.

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Kathy Gruver: People in the down on the ground started screaming for him, we were screaming happy birthday.

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Kathy Gruver: And I mean it was the most exciting thing to watch and sometimes I actually like sit there and tear up because I remember what that’s like that first time.

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Kathy Gruver: To have that exuberant of I did it I did that thing you know and you’re right it’s so supportive and everybody’s cheering and screaming and you could hear on some of my videos people are just like screaming for me.

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Kathy Gruver: And everybody else that’s that’s doing that thing, especially the coolest thing is what is either a kid or an adult it’s like I am fucking terrified.

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Kathy Gruver: And you see how scared they are they’re so afraid to hold on to the bar they’re so afraid to jump off the platform and by the end they’re doing the you know the backflip off the bar and they’re getting their catch.

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Kathy Gruver: it’s this this progression and maybe you get up two steps, the first time halfway up the ladder, the second time.

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Kathy Gruver: all the way up a lot, you know, maybe you never get to do the knee hang but you jumped off a frickin platform, good for you let’s celebrate where you are let’s celebrate all those little achievements along the way, because that’s a huge thing to.

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Jason Mefford: know because it is it’s those percent it’s that perception again right that a lot of times you know, like that, as you’re sitting there talking it’s like I don’t know if I could get my visa.

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Jason Mefford: Right well if I did it if I don’t get my knees up there if I if I don’t if I don’t do it.

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Jason Mefford: If I have failure, no because, like you said, I still climb up that ladder, I still tried it right, I might not have done what I was expecting to do.

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Jason Mefford: But did I have fun uh huh did I learn something uh huh did I go beyond you know where I thought I could go.

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Jason Mefford: yeah yeah and so you’re right, you know rack those things up to I did it, I mean that’s that’s that’s how I felt like when I came came out of the water, it was like.

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Jason Mefford: I mean I just even even though again it wasn’t kind of what I had pictured in my mind, but it was I did it I did something that that actually really scared me.

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Jason Mefford: And I did it and I didn’t die, and I can do hard things right, I used to tell my kids you know you can do hard things.

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Jason Mefford: Well, as adults, we can do hard things to right and it’s in its celebrating all of this stuff and keeping things in perspective, you know and again even still like you said right you’ve you did, that the first time, but you keep going back why.

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Jason Mefford: Because you’re pushing yourself you’re trying to grow.

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Jason Mefford: As well right and so that’s another lesson in life is you know, again, am I ever gonna go scuba diving again.

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Jason Mefford: I don’t know that might that might be a once in a life for me Okay, but the things that I do enjoy do I try to get better at it do I try to learn do I try to grow absolutely because that’s our growth involvement is one of the main reasons we’re on this earth okay.

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Jason Mefford: So you going back.

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Jason Mefford: And practicing and doing your xyz hand twisty thing right yeah.

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Jason Mefford: it’s helping you to grow as well, improving your confidence in life and again it’s not we don’t just get this from trapeze right, as we said at the beginning, this is about a parallel to life so.

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Jason Mefford: You might have been thinking we’ve been talking about trapeze or scuba diving but we’re talking about life folks okay so go back and listen to it again.

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Jason Mefford: yeah if you thought we were talking about trapeze and scuba diving and listen to it again and apply it to your life.

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Jason Mefford: And how you know, are you marking time yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Are you living and growing in your life.

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Kathy Gruver: I love it and go for it, you know step outside of your comfort zone and maybe it’s not trapeze or scuba diving or racecar driving or zip line do something drive a different way to work.

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Kathy Gruver: You know figure out what you want to do think that that thing that scares you a little bit and just go try it just try it once just to say you did throw out the frickin bucket list and go live your life.

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Jason Mefford: Go for it go 4444 it.

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Kathy Gruver: can’t be that confusing.

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Kathy Gruver: Anyway, cool so you can find trapeze rigs.

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Kathy Gruver: In a lot of major cities there’s a website called trapeze.net which I think is hilarious where you can find trapeze REG so there’s some in La San Francisco New York Miami Chicago Miami.

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Kathy Gruver: la there’s a couple of here in Santa Barbara come up and fly with us Santa Barbara trapeze go shout out.

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Jason Mefford: shout out.

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Kathy Gruver: To Vegas San Diego there i’ve flown all over the world, so.

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Jason Mefford: Well, and it’s one of those things again to where if you’re not aware of it, but you want to do it, you don’t realize.

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Jason Mefford: How much it’s everywhere right so again, if this is something that you’re interested in.

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Jason Mefford: trapeze.net you’re gonna you’re going to find and again it might not be this it might be something else, but whatever it is just go do some Google searches you’re gonna find out there’s a whole community of people.

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Jason Mefford: yeah that want to do or love to do what you want to do.

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Jason Mefford: as well, and so you know you found that in trapeze as well.

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Kathy Gruver: Totally all over the world.

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Kathy Gruver: Now, because of this so yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: it’s awesome.

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Kathy Gruver: All right, go out everybody try something new stretch yourself go for it go for it, for it throw out the bucket list and live your life now don’t just work time i’m Kathy Gruber, I could reach a Kathy Griffin calm.

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Jason Mefford: i’m Jason effort, I can be reached at Jason method calm so go out have a great week try something new live a little bit more of this week than you did last week and we’ll catch you on the next episode of the fire and earth podcast see ya.

Being a guest on radio shows and podcasts are wonderful ways of raising awareness of your product along with building a strong follower base, but sometimes just showing up on a show isn’t as simple as it sounds!

When showing up to a radio show or podcast, or even pitching yourself to a content creator for the opportunity to be a guest, there are things that you should do to prepare yourself beforehand in order to set yourself up for success!

So tune in to today’s episode and start seeing what YOU can do to ensure your own success as a guest!

Listen in at: http://www.jasonmefford.com/fireandearthpodcast/

Transcript

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Kathy Gruver: Welcome to another episode of the fire and earth podcast i’m your co host Kathy gruver.

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Jason Mefford: And i’m Jason medford and today we thought it’d be interesting, because I know a lot of people.

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Jason Mefford: And when you talk to a lot of people, they want to be writers and they want to be speakers.

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Kathy Gruver: Right, have you.

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Jason Mefford: Have you noticed that to Kathy and we’re in that area, so we thought it would be interesting to talk about how to get on radio or how to get on podcast shows.

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Jason Mefford: Because a lot of people are like ooh you know I maybe maybe I want to start my own, or maybe I don’t, but I would like to be on radio or podcast shows.

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Jason Mefford: Right to help help give me some credibility show that I know what i’m talking about help draw people to me in my business, so I know you you’ve done way more shows than I have.

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Jason Mefford: So so let’s just kind of get in and talk a little bit about how do you do it, what are some nuts and bolts, the kinds of things, what are some things to be you know aware of right because.

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Jason Mefford: I know, not all of your experiences have been good experiences over the years, so we’ll talk about that and help you kind of avoid some of the.

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Jason Mefford: Health stories that are out there.

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Kathy Gruver: There are, there are some so yeah So when I was doing some of the talks that I did for did for hipaa thoughts live, which is the big hypnotherapy conference.

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Kathy Gruver: For a couple of years, my the talk that I gave them was how to use radio, TV and podcasts to maximize your business.

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Kathy Gruver: So you know it’s a great way to get your name out there it’s a great way to like you said build credibility, I think i’ve been on well over 300 or 350 radio, TV show kind of things.

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Kathy Gruver: The first thing is finding shows that you want to be on and there’s a couple really simple ways to do that there’s something called radio guest list COM there’s podcast guest list COM.

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Kathy Gruver: there’s places that like there’s pod match that match you up with podcasts so there’s certainly freeways online that you can find outlets for shows that you might want to pitch.

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Kathy Gruver: that’s the first step The other thing you can do and i’ve suggested this to people is what shows your friends doing.

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Kathy Gruver: You know, look on Facebook if they’re like oh my God, I was just on this great radio show maybe you should be on that great radio show it’s not.

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Kathy Gruver: Like cheating, I mean you’re not taking work from them, you are then you know going to contact that host and say hey my friend mark was just on your show looks like he had an amazing time this is what I can share, you know there’s so many ways to find opportunities to help promote yourself.

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Jason Mefford: Well, and when we’re talking about finding the right show you know, like you said there’s there’s some different services.

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Jason Mefford: Free or there are some paid ones to just be wary of the paid ones that they actually are doing stuff but there’s there’s plenty of free ones as well, but.

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Jason Mefford: But how does somebody kind of decide well that’s the right show for me right, what are some things that you would be thinking about to try to identify some criteria, maybe that you’re using to say ooh that’s that’s one that I want to be on.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah absolutely and that’s one thing I was gonna say was vet the show.

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Kathy Gruver: Read who the audience is read what the typical topics are you know if you talk about you know animal husbandry and pet sitting.

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Kathy Gruver: You probably don’t want to be on the maximize your bit maximize your stock portfolio talk show you know because there’s there’s some you just it’s just not a fit.

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Kathy Gruver: You know I mean, I do not do Christian content that’s just not what I do and there’s times, where it’s like i’ll start to read about the show.

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Kathy Gruver: And it’ll be this great show and then it’s like you know Christian and faith based content, I am probably not going to be a fit for that, so you know know what your topics are I remember, I remember getting getting an email from a guy who said, I would like to be on your radio show.

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Kathy Gruver: Now, this was years ago you and I didn’t even know each other yeah.

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Jason Mefford: I don’t have a radio show dude I.

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Kathy Gruver: didn’t have a radio show that I was fascinated.

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Kathy Gruver: So, because at the time I was teaching a lot of people how to get on radio, TV, so I wrote back, and I said I don’t have a radio show so also like don’t just randomly email people if they don’t like do your research.

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Kathy Gruver: And I said I don’t have a radio show but i’m really curious, what is your topic.

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Kathy Gruver: Because his pitch simply was, I want to be on your show that’s like walking up to a person in the bar and going, I want to bed you that’s not gonna work that’s just unless it’s 215 and it’s that time of night but it’s probably not gonna work so.

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Jason Mefford: He was there’s a monetary exchange and.

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Jason Mefford: Then you probably okay right.

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Kathy Gruver: All that pay to play.

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Jason Mefford: yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: I was uh.

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Kathy Gruver: So I wrote back and said, like what is your talk, you know I said dude if you want to be on shows like you have to have a better picture than I want to be on your show.

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Kathy Gruver: I said, what is your website, what are your topics, do you have any experience with Radio who are you and he wrote back and he said.

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Kathy Gruver: i’m an author, I have 10 books here’s my website and I went cool.

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Kathy Gruver: I get on his website, it says Amazon page he didn’t even have a website, from what I could tell he never been on a radio, but before and he had 10 books.

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Kathy Gruver: On 10 vastly different topics he had literally one book on pets he had one book on automotive repair he had one book on crafting your perfect home garden he had one book on his favorite recipes he so clearly, he was like this cereal like self.

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Kathy Gruver: Publishing book guy, which is totally fine but i’m like if you don’t have a focus, you know, so if you’re pitching the show.

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Kathy Gruver: Who are you, given the the five Wise hey my name is Kathy gruver i’m a stress and wellness expert I would love to come on your show to talk about five keys to stress reduction my most recent book just came out.

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Kathy Gruver: i’ve been on 1500 radio shows was just recently on Dr phil here’s a sample of what i’ve done i’d love to be on your show.

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Kathy Gruver: If you’re responding to something like the pod match or the radio guest list sometimes there’s a form that they have you fill out.

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Kathy Gruver: Will you help promote this, what is your readership with your social media they’ll they’ll ask you all sorts of things, but it’s like know what you’re offering.

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Kathy Gruver: And don’t expect to get on a show just to push your latest thing if all you talk about is well you know, I have a new book my new book is out, I go get my book, you know.

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Kathy Gruver: Radio shows don’t want that it is not a commercial for you, it is you sharing knowledge and through sharing knowledge at the end typically they will allow you to give.

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Kathy Gruver: Your website and promote whatever it is you’re promoting it’s pretty rare that they want you to just promote something i’ve certainly been on those shows they’re rare and they want content, not a commercial.

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Jason Mefford: yeah or they’re a pay to play.

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Jason Mefford: Yes, there’s plenty of pay to play things if you just want to do your own commercial yeah but you know what you’re talking about here in the pitch right, I mean you’ve heard of things like pitch decks right.

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Jason Mefford: One of the things is very common as a professional speaker is you have what’s called a one sheet right it’s a one page document with a lot of that information that Cathy just went through.

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Jason Mefford: Who are you what have you done if you’ve written certain things if you’ve been on the Dr phil show right that’s good that’s going to get people’s attention like oh Cathy must know what she’s talking about she was on Dr phil right.

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Jason Mefford: It meet because again this person has to know what it is that you are offering Okay, and so again, I mean I get unsolicited stuff like this, all the time we’ve got this podcast i’ve got another podcast myself.

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Jason Mefford: And I get unsolicited stuff all the time, to which I just delete you know because, again, usually it’s as simple as hey I think you’re really cool I want to be on your show.

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Kathy Gruver: And I got one of those this morning, for us, you got yeah Okay, so I get them all the time, too, and again I don’t I don’t even respond back to them because.

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Jason Mefford: I consider that junk junk mail right hey there we go, we got the cat with us today again.

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Jason Mefford: it’s it’s um you know so so again, it has to be in there has to be a reciprocity to it right, I mean you’re you’re helping the person by help by providing some content, but the content has to be relevant to their audience.

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Jason Mefford: Absolutely and and then you know by by you doing that for them like you said, usually there’s the hay and, by the way, check out kathy’s website Kathy Griffin calm right she’s amazing and she’s written, what are you up to 13 books or something like that now.

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Kathy Gruver: Eight but.

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Jason Mefford: Okay, I was just giving you the bed yeah so eight eight different.

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Kathy Gruver: I got so much work to do today.

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Jason Mefford: You got five.

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Books to write to that.

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Kathy Gruver: That on my fingers.

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Jason Mefford: But.

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Jason Mefford: But but that’s where again right because because they need to know what you have to offer or or it’s the same thing you know, on the flip side because i’m i’m not looking.

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Jason Mefford: You know, for people to necessarily be on my podcast because I have my own content or I know who I want on for particular reasons, but I, but I am looking to be a guest on other podcasts.

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Jason Mefford: Right, but again, you know I there’s lots of people that are like Oh, please be on my podcast please be on my podcast I just started, and I have one episode yeah okay if they’re a friend of mine i’ll do that.

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Jason Mefford: yeah but if it’s a random person how am I benefiting.

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Jason Mefford: from it.

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Jason Mefford: yep right, so you have to think about you have to think about how does the other person benefit by you being there.

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Jason Mefford: And how do you benefit.

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Jason Mefford: from it.

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Jason Mefford: And unless there’s a match, you know, a match and topic a match and the content that you’re doing you might as well, not even go down that route.

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Kathy Gruver: Right, it takes time, you have to prep for the show sometimes they want questions in advance, you have to then do the show So do you have an hour to two hours to.

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Kathy Gruver: give to this program and which leads perfectly into please vet the shows.

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Kathy Gruver: I made horrible mistakes, where, when I was starting out I had this number of how many shows, I wanted to get to because it was an impressive number to me, I wanted to hit 100 shows.

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Kathy Gruver: And so, when I was first starting out I took any bloody show that you know that anybody toss it me I didn’t listen to them, I didn’t vet them I didn’t know this is what blog talk radio first started.

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Kathy Gruver: Where any doofus with a phone line could have a radio show, and there were some that were great and there were some that was you know creepy Joe in his basement with one listener, that was his mom and I ended up being a guest on that show.

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Kathy Gruver: So I have, I have to two stories, so a woman contacted me her producer contacted me she had a great press kit or show looked amazing she had a huge listenership they sent you a gift for being on the show.

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Kathy Gruver: I was like great so I get on the show and I get on on it was actually on the phone.

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Kathy Gruver: And she asked me a question she said so tell me a little bit about yourself where did you grow up what how’d you get to where you are, and I know well, I was raised in Pittsburgh Oh, I went to Pittsburgh, and she starts talking and i’m sitting there going.

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Kathy Gruver: Oh Okay, and she spent like three minutes talking about her time in Pittsburgh.

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Kathy Gruver: never got back to my to my question, I never got it to answer so she asked me another question I get about a sentence and she interrupts me and goes off again.

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Kathy Gruver: And i’m thinking, this is a, this is a monologue for her.

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Kathy Gruver: It was the weirdest thing I could not get an answer out so finally she asked me a question and I realized part of my brain is going oh my God i’m getting to answer this question i’m like four sentences in this is so great and I hear people.

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Kathy Gruver: cuz you know when that happens, the bitch muted me.

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Jason Mefford: Are you kidding me.

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Kathy Gruver: A muted me told her story, I was just talking to nobody brought me back in at the end of her story with a laugh, as if I had been listening to her the whole time and then ended the show.

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Kathy Gruver: I don’t like what you’re a crazy person.

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Kathy Gruver: So I get this nice gift in the mail this like handwritten Thank you note for being such an incredible guests i’m like oh my God your associate path.

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Kathy Gruver: What is wrong with you and then like six months later, I get an invite saying you were such a great guest on our show we’d love to have you back, and I was like you know i’m not doing media anymore.

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Jason Mefford: Well, again it’s it’s it’s it’s both people have to benefit from it right and and that was not one of those you didn’t really get anything out of it, because here you are I guess that supposed to be interviewed.

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Jason Mefford: At least 5050.

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Jason Mefford: Talking should be for the guests, if not more.

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Jason Mefford: And and and you and you didn’t have that at all, even though again from the press kit from everything else that you were looking at it seemed like something that was going to be good, so another way that you can kind of stock or do some due diligence is actually listen.

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Jason Mefford: Oh sure to to some of the shows that the people are doing before because that’ll that’ll give you an idea as well Oh yes, what to kind of expect.

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Kathy Gruver: Absolutely yeah and that that that came back to bite me a couple times I had several shows where it was all about them, you know, and when you and I have a guest on it’s not about us.

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Kathy Gruver: We might toss it a thought or personal thing that relates to that, but it’s about the guest and i’ve been on several shows where.

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Kathy Gruver: You know the host will be like you know i’ve told the story before you all heard it, but let me tell it again and they’ll do this 15 minute story where i’m sitting there going Jesus, I can go knit a sweater, what are we doing here, you know.

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Kathy Gruver: The other the other, the other hilarious and I told my boyfriend this one last night.

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Kathy Gruver: I this was at a point where I wasn’t vetting shows, but I got asked to be on this, it was a pretty big show.

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Kathy Gruver: It was an FM station, it was two guys it had really good ratings and it was an actual like big radio show it wasn’t online, it was a big actual terrestrial radio show.

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Kathy Gruver: And they had me call in and they said, Colin five minutes early you will hear the show as it’s going on but you’ll be muted will bring you in when it’s your time and I said great.

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Kathy Gruver: So warning for sensitive people i’m going to say some dirty words, so I get on the show, and this is what I hear this woman says, and some people like to put Ben gay on the dildo before they put it in their ass.

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Kathy Gruver: And I sit there going up a.

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Jason Mefford: They call into the wrong number.

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Kathy Gruver: Ah, a one What do you do.

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Kathy Gruver: Because there was a huge part of me that went just hang up just hang up you don’t want to be on the show with these guys and it was very shocked jockey kind of thing.

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Kathy Gruver: And then there’s part of me that’s like you know what what the hell.

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Kathy Gruver: I get to swear I get to do this sort of like outrageous show, as opposed to the ones I hadn’t been doing, which is so Kathy tell me about your PhD this was like.

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Kathy Gruver: dildos and Ben gay so i’m like okay let’s let’s do this and they finally bring me on it turns out that the woman that they had on previously as a guest had been a porn star, who was now a sex therapist so.

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Kathy Gruver: I kind of get it, but still, it was raw I mean you think we’re wrong unscripted this was outrageous, so the guy goes hey we’ve got the group we’re so excited to have you how are you I said i’m doing great.

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Kathy Gruver: I said, I think I just learned a lot from your last show which made them laugh, and he goes so you seem to like to talk about shit a lot.

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Kathy Gruver: And I went.

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Kathy Gruver: I guess we’re going there and I spent the entire show talking about bowel health.

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Kathy Gruver: seriously in kind of like a raw twisted way, but we talked about fiber we talked about sleep we ended up.

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Kathy Gruver: Having this like very informative nature apathy conversation, but it started with so you like to talk about shed a lot.

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Kathy Gruver: And it ended up being an unfortunately it was like the highest rank shit like this thing was shared out everywhere, like I can’t get a Google alert after Google alert on like seriously.

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Kathy Gruver: This is the show everyone’s going to hear you know so do your due diligence figure, you know or and, if nothing else you end up with some funny stories.

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Kathy Gruver: But I mean I have just so many radio shows that ended up being either funny or a nightmare or the the host was awful.

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Kathy Gruver: Yes, you want to be on shows you also want to be on the right show don’t make the same mistake, I did I wasted hours.

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Kathy Gruver: Doing shows that were really awful that didn’t benefit me that didn’t benefit the listeners if they had any you know so yeah we want to build that resume.

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Kathy Gruver: Also here’s, the last thing i’ll say on this if you’ve never done a show if you’ve never been a guest before, please do not contact the biggest show in the country first.

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Kathy Gruver: Please know what you’re doing have the sky i’ve had people do that I want to get on Dr phil i’ve never done this before, but I want to be on.

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Kathy Gruver: Start small do a couple small shows do a couple you know local radio shows local am podcasts that kind of thing before you jump in and try to get on and on npr.

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Kathy Gruver: You know just know your own skill set know who you are what you’re offering and then and then find the shows listen to them first and then work hard at it.

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Jason Mefford: Well, the one thing to as you were talking that I was going to bring up to is you know if you’re going to be a guest on it as well right is is kind of know what the commitment is going into it.

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Jason Mefford: Because, because I have certain people and it’s like you know what if I, if I can just show up do the interview and that’s it.

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Jason Mefford: yep that’s one thing, but sometimes i’ll get people you know, especially some companies because i’ll do a lot of webinars with.

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Jason Mefford: Other companies right i’ll be the guest on their webinar let’s say.

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Jason Mefford: And there’s there’s I know there’s certain companies or certain kinds of companies, and when I hear things like Oh well, we have to have a pre show.

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Jason Mefford: A pre call to talk about the outline, and then we have to have a pre pre call for this, and then we need to have a tech check and it’s like I start adding it up and it’s like i’m going to spend eight hours to do a one hour deal yep i’m not doing that for free.

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Jason Mefford: Right so so know what you’re getting into.

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Jason Mefford: And if there are a bunch of hoops if there is a bunch of stuff like that that has to be done just know and then decide do I want to do that or.

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Kathy Gruver: Do I not yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Right, because I know a lot of times when I reach out to people from my other podcasts are like well, what does this entail i’m like we show up, we talked for a few minutes before I hit record and we’re done.

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Jason Mefford: You know that’s that’s all it is there’s there’s no pre planning there’s no pre questions there’s no, you know any of this stuff because in for me it’s not just a waste of time, but I don’t like to be so scripted yeah okay.

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Jason Mefford: And I actually just had a guest on WHO.

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Jason Mefford: i’m not I don’t want to tell gender or anything but this person was used to everything being.

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Jason Mefford: In fact i’ve watched this person on stage do interviews reading the teleprompter.

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Kathy Gruver: Oh no.

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Jason Mefford: Okay, so he was you know what was supposed to be an interview was not really an interview was all pre scripted question very clunky.

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Jason Mefford: So I could tell as we were.

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Jason Mefford: just having a conversation this person was very uncomfortable.

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Jason Mefford: right because that’s not what they’re used to well that’s the way I roll that’s the way you roll that’s why we get this way here right so so again determine the kind of person, you are if you’re the kind of person.

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Jason Mefford: That wants it to be very scripted and and that way then look for shows look for hosts.

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Jason Mefford: That are that way yeah if you want it to be conversational free flow hey we don’t know where we’re going to go, I mean it it’s like that, with a lot of our guests, we.

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Jason Mefford: We have an idea of where we think we’re going to go, but then we start talking and who knows where we end up going if that freaks me out because there’s not enough like.

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Jason Mefford: structure structure around it then don’t do those kind of shows find the.

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Jason Mefford: ones that work for your personality as well.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah absolutely and and that that is such a great point, and you know I did I had one woman she had a local like cable access show, but I knew her.

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Kathy Gruver: I you know I had talked to people have been on our show, and you know by this point, I had done major network stuff this you know I know what i’m doing, and she says okay so i’m going to send you 20 questions and I went okay great she goes so when can we meet to go over your answers.

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Jason Mefford: ain’t gonna happen honey.

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Kathy Gruver: And I said what.

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Kathy Gruver: And she said, I need you to write down the answers to the questions now, these are long frickin answers like i’m not typing out.

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Kathy Gruver: My background, I will verbally tell you my background and she made me get on the phone with her and we spent an hour.

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Kathy Gruver: going over what my answer would be and I said I don’t remember what her name i’ll call her Susan and like Susan.

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Kathy Gruver: I know how to tell you my story like I don’t need to script this out, I said, because you know what’s going to happen when we’re doing the interview anyway, none of this is going to get said.

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Kathy Gruver: No, no, I stick to my questions and Sure enough, we spent an hour hour and a half doing this, I was furious I had already committed to it.

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Kathy Gruver: And then we get in the studio she asked me to have the questions and everything else is free forum and i’m like oh my God I just wasted so much fucking time I was so angry with her about this.

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Kathy Gruver: I agreed to it, you know and just the same way when we had the shock jock guy with a dildo you know.

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Kathy Gruver: I was tempted to hang up but they could see that I was already online I had already committed to it and I just sort of.

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Kathy Gruver: switched egos dates and went Okay, I guess we’re playing today, so you know know what your boundaries are know what you want to do what is the message that you want to get out.

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Kathy Gruver: find those shows pitch them well and understand it’s not a commercial and you are the only one that can decide if you want to give them the 15 bucks for their show, I refuse to be to pay to be on someone’s show whether it’s $5 $10 people have said, we charge $300 to be on our show no.

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Kathy Gruver: No, I mean you can i’m not paying it, you know, the first radio show I did I paid to be on a series of them I also got to write articles for a magazine.

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Kathy Gruver: Because I had never done anything before that worked for me and that time I would not do that now, so you you’re the only one that knows if that’s going to be a thing for you.

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Jason Mefford: Alright, so I think we’ve covered some good stuff today, so you know again if that’s something that you’re if you’re interested in in starting to get on you know radio shows podcast via podcast guests.

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Jason Mefford: Some great points right make sure that you’re finding the right shows you’re reading you’re reading the host you’re reading the audience.

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Jason Mefford: You know what you’re getting into in they just think about whether this is something that actually works for you or not.

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Jason Mefford: And again everybody’s going to be different you’re going to be gravitated towards certain kinds of shows or certain certain hosts and that’s fine we at all and and and again, you know it’s just like dating or anything else you’re going to get told no okay so.

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Jason Mefford: So so just realize that you know you might have to ask 100 times you know before you get that, yes, but if you’re committed and seriously want to do this, then you just got to put yourself out there and go for it.

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Kathy Gruver: Absolutely and hide the bad guy.

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Jason Mefford: can hide the Ben came.

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Jason Mefford: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

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Jason Mefford: cool if we can help you in any way, let us know I do I have tips, I have a whole sheet on like how to do the interview things to watch out for for the interview tips and tricks and you know all this stuff for both in person and on shows like online or on the phone.

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Kathy Gruver: So if you want that I can absolutely get it to you and i’m Kathy Gruber, I can be reached at Kathy Gruber calm.

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Jason Mefford: And i’m Jason method, I can be reached at Jason method calm so have a great rest of your week and we’ll see you on the next episode of the fire and earth podcast see ya.

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yeah.