You Don’t Lose Weight Jumping to Conclusions

Our most popular new years resolution won’t get solved by jumping to conclusions. Not only that… Nothing will get solved by jumping to conclusions!
Often times we become so invested in our first impressions of a situation, we never stop and think about what else could be going on.

In today’s episode we discuss being curious and considering all the other options in a given situation.
give it a listen to learn more!

VIP On The Road Again, Flying A Freak Flag

I’m going to keep it brief this week, since what I wanted to share with you is the same information in the BEing Uniquely YOU article this week on “Let Your Freak Flag Fly”

Read the article and watch the associated video at: https://jasonmefford.com/let-your-freak-flag-fly/

And, as always here’s the Jamming with Jason episodes that dropped this last week:

E249 On the Road Again Howling
https://jasonmefford.com/jammingwithjason249/

I recently took a road trip to northern California which is the inspiration for creating this #jammingwithjason #podcast. What do #WillieNelson, #JackKerouac, #AllenGinsberg, #RogerMiller, Ivan Fleming, #GraceSlick, #BobDylan and Siri have in common? Listen to this entire episode and you will find out, and you will be howling with laughter on your road trip through life.

E250 Let Your Freak Flag Fly
https://jasonmefford.com/jammingwithjason250/

I’ve been thinking a lot about flags recently, so here’s a whole #jammingwithjason #podcast episode. Flags are a way to let others know who we are and what we stand for. We might fly a flag of our favorite sports team, our country, etc… as an example (maybe even a pirate flag, arghhh 🙂).

Most people are afraid to proudly share with the world who they really are, since others may judge us, but the reality is… we are all a little different, unique, quirky, freaky in our own way. That is what makes us interesting and truly loved by those who really know us.

Listen in as we discuss flags, ice cream, and so much more in this episode.

BUY Let Your Freak Flag Fly!

I’ve been thinking a lot about flags recently, so it’s the topic of this “BEing Uniquely YOU” (BUY) newsletter and a whole podcast episode.

Flags are a way to let others know who we are and what we stand for. We might fly a flag of our favorite sports team, our country, etc… as an example (maybe even a pirate flag, arghhh 🙂)

When we let others know what we stand for (by flying our flag) people tend to come out of the woodwork. As an example, if I am wearing an LA Rams hat people will approach me and say “Go Rams!” or “Whose House” things Rams fans say.

Most people are afraid to proudly share with the world who they really are, since others may judge you, but the reality is… we are all a little different, unique, quirky, freaky in our own way. That is what makes us interesting and truly loved by those who really know us. In fact, you can’t have real intimacy with anyone until you know intimately who they really are.

What’s the worst that could happen if you fly your freak flag and let people know who you really are?

Some people might not like you, but really who cares. More people will love you for who you are, and you will find there are a lot more people in this world that believe and think as you do, they are just afraid to let other people know too.

Whether you realize it or not, people are going to judge you, and haters will be haters, no matter what you do, so you might as well avoid the shame and guilt of pretending to be someone you aren’t.

I’m sure there are some people who think I’m childish for liking Mr. Rogers. I’m sure there are some people who think I have a potty mouth, or a really bad sense of humor. I’m sure there are some people who think I’m weak because I can get emotional watching movies or listening to music…

and there are more people who actually think those things are pretty cool and identify that way too.

Even though I like rock-n-roll, I also like the Bee Gees, KC and the Sunshine Band, and yes even ABBA. Might seem a little embarrassing, and metal heads like two of our sons might give me grief, but I know lots of other people enjoy their music too since the Bee Gees has sold over 200 million albums, KC and the Sunshine Band has sold over 100 million albums, and ABBA has sold nearly 400 million albums, and that’s the way I like it Fernando at Waterloo 🙂

Funny story, my wife gave me shit for listening to ABBA while I was re-tiling our bathroom, “not the kind of music a tradesman would be listening to,” even though she loves ABBA too.

One of my mentors, Jim Fortin says “what’s most personal, is most general” and he’s right.

The #MeToo movement is just one of countless examples. When the first women had the courage to stand up and tell what happened to them it gave other women courage to come forward too. I was amazed by how many women in my life started sharing their #MeToo stories. Women all over the world realized they no longer needed to hide or feel ashamed for what someone did to them… there is a whole world full of women that have gone through the same thing.

What is most personal (that which we are embarrassed or afraid to admit) is most general (affects so many others too, we just think we are the only one).

It’s not fun feeling alone, and I know so many of you may feel alone, but you aren’t.

Having the courage to fly your freak flag and show people who you are takes courage, but it is also very empowering and the only way to be authentically you.

How much longer will you wait until you fly your freak flag?

As I told you before, I Like You Just the Way You Are and so do lots of other people.

So put on your boogie shoes, and shake your booty while you let your freak flag fly!

This week why not celebrate others who are letting you know who they are. If you see someone wearing a shirt with a band or sports team you like, let them know. If you see someone having the courage to be themselves, let them know you appreciate their example.

We can all be little rays of sunshine to others around us, and I promise it will make you and them feel a lot more accepted and loved.

For the rest of the story, listen to this whole Jamming with Jason podcast episode I did on this topic.

Listen in as we discuss flags, ice cream, and so much more in this episode, and you have a choice between audio or video below, since that’s how I roll.

E251 Speak Up and Stand Out with Laurie-Ann Murabito

You probably aren’t a professional speaker speaking on stages to thousands of people, but whether you realize it or not you are #speaking all the time. How you speak can have a positive or negative impact on your career. Ever had to give a presentation in a staff meeting, give a report to the board of directors, do a live video on #socialmedia, or even talk to another person one-on-one?

You are a speaker and may not have realized it. You also have a unique story that only you can share, that the world is dying to hear, and only you can impact people with your story.

If you are like most people, you are probably a little terrified about opening your mouth and sharing your story, which is why I am excited to talk with my friend Laure-Ann Murabito.

Laurie-Ann is a reformed painfully shy gal who started 3 successful businesses from the ground up, has 2 best selling books and years of coaching executives and leaders… and is an award-winning speaker, and Speaking Strategist.

She shares some ways to feel more confident when you speak, how to tell a story, and just making it fun, plus a whole lot more. As you listen to this episode there will be at least one thing that is exactly what you need to hear today and give you the #confidence to speak up and stand out in your life and career.

Learn more about Laurie-Ann at: https://www.speakandstandout.com/ and listen to her podcast “Be In Demand with Laurie-Ann”

E250 Let Your Freak Flag Fly

I’ve been thinking a lot about flags recently, so here’s a whole #jammingwithjason #podcast episode. Flags are a way to let others know who we are and what we stand for. We might fly a flag of our favorite sports team, our country, etc… as an example (maybe even a pirate flag, arghhh 🙂

Most people are afraid to proudly share with the world who they really are, since others may judge us, but the reality is… we are all a little different, unique, quirky, freaky in our own way. That is what makes us interesting and truly loved by those who really know us.

Listen in as we discuss flags, ice cream, and so much more in this episode.

Transcript

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Jason Mefford: Welcome to another episode of jamming with Jason hey and today i’ve had flags on my mind so we’re going to talk a little bit about.

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Jason Mefford: flags and you might be wondering what that has to do with anything but just listen you’re gonna figure it out.

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Jason Mefford: Because really you know whether you believe it or not everybody has a little bit of freak everybody’s a little bit weird everybody’s a little bit quirky.

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Jason Mefford: depends on what word, you want to use and so today we’re going to talk a little bit about letting your freak flag fly and you’re going to know exactly what that means, when you listen to this episode so let’s get started.

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Jason Mefford: Alright, everybody well today is one of those where I just kind of hit record and i’m going to babble a little bit, but I promise, as you as you hang around with me.

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Jason Mefford: Something that I say today is going to be exactly what you need to hear today so that’s kind of the way that I like to run these episodes there’s a lot of.

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Jason Mefford: different things that you’ll be able to take from what we’re discussing today.

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Jason Mefford: And in fact what you get today is probably going to be something different than you get when you re listen to this episode.

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Jason Mefford: In another month or two and you might be wondering why would I want to do that well because again from the way we learn is actually through repetition.

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Jason Mefford: And every time that you know you read a book again you watch a movie again there’s different things that you get out of it, each time that you do it.

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Jason Mefford: And that’s kind of the way that I try to set up these podcasts as well, so that they can be a resource that you can go back to and listen to over and over again.

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Jason Mefford: Now I told you at the beginning, I wanted to talk a little bit today about flags so let’s let’s just start talking about flags and we’re going to see where this goes okay.

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Jason Mefford: Now flags or something that’s kind of interesting Okay, and so, when you when you think about the history of flags and the flags that we use and yes i’m talking fl ag flags the you know the the.

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Jason Mefford: What are they made out of they’re made out of.

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Jason Mefford: cloth of some sort usually and and kind of you know the history of them where they kind of came from, I mean obviously they’ve been used for.

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Jason Mefford: A long time and things like military campaigns on putting up on the top of ships and other things like that, because.

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Jason Mefford: flags have been a way to be able to show other people kind of what you stand for, who you affiliate with okay so from kind of military campaigns right.

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Jason Mefford: You know, in the old days, people would would they would carry flags with them, so that the opposing.

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Jason Mefford: You know the enemy could actually see who they were people could see who they were when they were coming.

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Jason Mefford: And it was kind of the same way, you know, on ships, you could tell from a long distance away, you know, maybe which country.

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Jason Mefford: Have a flag that was flying on the ship, you would know all that’s a Dutch you know or an English ship because they chose to.

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Jason Mefford: furl of the flag got a lot of alliteration going on today of a particular country Okay, now that that continues on I mean each country typically has their own flag.

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Jason Mefford: But we have flags for other things as well, and you know one thing I noticed is I kind of walk around my neighborhood here when I get up and go out for my morning walk.

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Jason Mefford: A lot of the houses in my neighborhood have flags hanging out in front of it now, I live in I live in America so on some houses, there is an American flag, that is flying in front of that house.

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Jason Mefford: Now that flag tells me a little bit about the person right, so if if somebody’s flying an American flag on their house and we’re living in America so it’s in a surprise folks and people are living in America here.

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Jason Mefford: But the fact that somebody is flying an American flag shows me something about them or tells me something about that person right, the fact that they have an American flag.

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Jason Mefford: You know, in front of their house and let’s say it’s it’s not on a holiday like flag day or Independence Day, but they fly it all year around, I know that that person has a very strong connection or affinity with and is very patriotic very proud of being an American okay and.

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Jason Mefford: Let me, let me just divert there for just a second and talk about the American flag.

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Jason Mefford: For one thing, because here here’s something you may not know about the American flag right is in in in America here, you know, still in a lot of schools and other places like that.

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Jason Mefford: You know, people are very patriotic some people are very patriotic and they they put a lot of emphasis into the American flag, you know you can’t burn the flag you can’t you know disrespect it.

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Jason Mefford: You know, I was taught as a boy scout you know how to fold the flag properly you can’t ever let it touch the ground.

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Jason Mefford: Because a lot of people put a lot of respect into it, and in fact there’s, a thing that you know, is still kind of a hot issue some schools make children get up.

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Jason Mefford: once a week or once at once a day and actually pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands one nation under God indivisible with liberty and justice for all okay.

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Jason Mefford: I can still remember the hat, because I was one of those kids that was forced to pledge my allegiance to the flag.

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Jason Mefford: Now what’s interesting is you know where the pledge of allegiance actually came from it didn’t come from the government could actually came from a flag manufacturing company.

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Jason Mefford: So they it was a brilliant marketing idea Okay, and the whole idea that they would you know get school children.

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Jason Mefford: to sign these petitions and try to get their schools to have these flags so every day, they would pledge allegiance to the flag.

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Jason Mefford: The whole reason for it actually was it was a marketing campaign to sell more flags okay interesting thing to the the part in there about under God.

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Jason Mefford: That actually was added in the 50s with the whole McCarthy Soviet you know Cold War kind of issue and other stuff like that.

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Jason Mefford: That actually didn’t exist in the original one so interesting little myth buster again, you might believe, believe me, don’t, believe me, I don’t care go do your own research but it’s pretty well documented on the Internet that that’s where it actually comes from okay so.

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Jason Mefford: You never knew, you were going to learn that today right so anyway back to flags right so.

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Jason Mefford: Like I said, sometimes I see American flags flying in front of people’s homes, in fact, you know, one of one of the houses in our neighborhood here, I noticed that they they done some renovation on it, they repainted the outside.

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Jason Mefford: And then they put up flags they put up an American flag, and they also put up another flag that I didn’t actually know what that what what this other flag was.

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Jason Mefford: But I noticed, you know I could tell from the the cars that were in the driveway there’s usually a maybach which, if you know about that that’s a pretty expensive car.

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Jason Mefford: range Rover BMW Mercedes, so they have literally like half a million dollars worth of cars sitting on their driveway.

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Jason Mefford: So I was curious what that other flag was, and so I because it was one that I didn’t recognize, you know i’ve been all over the world, I know you know my geography, I.

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Jason Mefford: am one of those nerdy people as well, it actually kind of you know, used to memorize the the country capitals and everything like that too.

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Jason Mefford: But it, but it was a flag, that I wasn’t familiar with you know you know if it was Germany or Italy or Ireland or some of these other ones right.

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Jason Mefford: i’m very familiar with those flags, but this one I didn’t I didn’t know what it was, but I was curious right because again if somebody is willing to or puts a flag like that in front of their house, it must mean something to them and so.

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Jason Mefford: You know the beautiful thing today with the Internet is.

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Jason Mefford: We never have to just wonder if we’re curious, we can just do some research and we can figure it out right so so I went to a website that showed the.

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Jason Mefford: It shows you a little bit of the freaky and weirdness about me okay that’s coming out today and that’s kind of the topic we’re discussing.

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Jason Mefford: So I went to this website to look up flags of the world and scroll through you know there’s about 200 different countries in the world, so it took me a while to kind of scroll through.

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Jason Mefford: Because I was curious to find out where this flag was from because i’ve never seen the people that live in the House all i’ve ever seen is that is the cars.

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Jason Mefford: I actually haven’t ever seen him come and go and found out it’s actually it’s the flag from Sri Lanka, which is a country kind of you know, south of India off the African coast that’s kind of out there by itself, I flew through short shrift Sri Lanka one time.

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Jason Mefford: But but wasn’t familiar with the flag so Now I know a little bit more about those people right there, probably, you know again immigrants that have come to the United States.

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Jason Mefford: they’re they’re probably very proud of the fact that they live in America now because they’re they’re flying the American flag.

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Jason Mefford: But they’re also proud of their heritage that they actually come from Sri Lanka right and that’s probably where they were born, or at least the parents were born and then immigrated to the United States.

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Jason Mefford: So, because of the flag, that they are flying in front of their house I learned a little bit about them.

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Jason Mefford: And it shows that they’re proud that they open their mouth they’re they’re willing to share who they are right, because a lot of times we’re not willing to share who we are, and so this is, you know, one of the things that I wanted to talk about today, you know when you think about it.

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Jason Mefford: Everybody in the world is a little bit different right, we all have had different life experiences.

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Jason Mefford: We all like you know some of us, like some of the same things, some of us like different things right so even you know let’s take sports as an example right.

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Jason Mefford: I happen to like American football now a lot of people in America and all over the world like American football.

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Jason Mefford: But some people don’t some people prefer, but the rest of the world college football, or we call soccer some people like tennis some people like golf some people like curling.

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Jason Mefford: Okay, if you don’t know what curling is go look it up it’s actually the second most popular sport in Canada behind hockey So if you don’t know what curling is go look that up.

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Jason Mefford: Some people like everything some people don’t even like sports at all right they they they don’t understand it, they don’t like it, they don’t want to watch it.

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Jason Mefford: And that’s cool right it’s Okay, regardless of what you like you know you may be a little different than somebody else but that’s perfectly fine as well right.

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Jason Mefford: Now kind of getting back to flags so some of the other flags that I happen to see around my neighborhood is you know, during the election time.

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Jason Mefford: You know, for our presidential election few years ago between trump and Biden.

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Jason Mefford: Our country was very divided, in fact, I mean you could tell there were certain lawn signs that went up and some people, especially.

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Jason Mefford: You know the trump supporters sold a lot of flags, so a lot of those American flags that I would see came down and trump.

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Jason Mefford: Flags came up instead so you know again they were proud that that’s who they supported they wanted to fly that flag and let everybody know that they were a trump supporter.

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Jason Mefford: cool right, I might not agree with them politically but that’s fine that’s cool if that’s what they want to do if that’s who they want to be then i’m fine with it right, and at least they had the courage to actually say what they thought or what they believe right.

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Jason Mefford: I also see you know, again, as I said, you know now is kind of football time in America, and you know we’re getting down close to the super bowl so you know there’s only a few teams left in it.

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Jason Mefford: In fact super bowl might be over by the time this airs I don’t know right so record them in advance, but.

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Jason Mefford: But you know in our neighborhood again on game day or different things like that sometimes I will see other flags that are flowing.

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Jason Mefford: So you know oakland well they’re not in oakland anymore, but lot Las Vegas raiders it’s hard for me to say that now, because they just moved.

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Jason Mefford: You know somebody right down the road is also an la rams supporter, because I saw a flag out in front of their house state because we’re still in the playoffs, and so they have a whose house rams house flag flying in front of them.

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Jason Mefford: One of the a couple of the other houses in the neighborhood which is interesting.

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Jason Mefford: That are side by side, one of the houses had an Ohio State flag, the other one had a university of Michigan flag.

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Jason Mefford: out front of it so it’s interesting because again if you’re if you’re in America or you know the University of Michigan and Ohio State University Those are two universities big universities here in the United States, those are rival.

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Jason Mefford: colleges right so so it’s interesting that, again, you know here you have an Ohio State buckeye and you’ve got a Michigan wolverine living right next to each other, and they want each.

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Jason Mefford: know that hey I root for the other team right, but you know so so i’ve been talking about flags right and what is this have to do with.

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Jason Mefford: With what we usually talk about is you know what the fact is, and, as I told you before we’re all a little different and it’s Okay, it is cool that we are all different.

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Jason Mefford: Because imagine if we were all exactly the same how boring would life actually be that’d be like you know going into get an ice cream Cone.

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Jason Mefford: And the only option is vanilla or maybe you only have vanilla and chocolate as the options how boring would life be.

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Jason Mefford: If all you had was vanilla or all you had was chocolate or all you had was vanilla or chocolate.

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Jason Mefford: Right, some of us, like other flavors like mint chocolate chip or rocky road or chunky monkey or you know, whatever the list goes on and on about all of the different kinds of ice cream that you could get.

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Jason Mefford: And we enjoy that and it’s Okay, you know if I happen to like you know I like cookies and cream, which is a flavor as well if I happen to like cookies and cream.

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Jason Mefford: You happen to like strawberry or chocolate is it cool can we still be friends, even if, maybe I prefer cookies and cream and you prefer chocolate.

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Jason Mefford: Well, I hope so right, I hope that we can all be different, and yet still get along with like and love each other, knowing that we all have differences right.

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Jason Mefford: Just because I happen to root for the Los Angeles rams and maybe you like the New York giants, can we still be friends, I hope we can be right.

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Jason Mefford: Just because we’re different doesn’t mean that we have to hate on each other.

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Jason Mefford: We can still like we can still love each other and have our differences, because honestly how fun, would it be you know going to a sporting event, if you couldn’t give your friend grief.

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Jason Mefford: You know, because they, like the other team right because there’s always a little a little rivalry and some fun, you know kind of going in there as well.

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Jason Mefford: And again it’s all done in fine it’s not done in hate sort of a thing, but life is much more it’s much richer it’s it’s it’s it’s much more full.

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Jason Mefford: When we are all allowed to be yourself to be who we are different, as well now one of the reasons why I was thinking about this whole idea of flags is one of the one of the shows that my wife and I had been watching.

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Jason Mefford: In it there’s been a couple of episodes where they have shown depictions of what’s called pride pride week.

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Jason Mefford: Especially in the San Francisco area so so pride week if you’re not familiar with it and there’s usually a Pride parade.

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Jason Mefford: Is you know, there are a lot of people that are you know homosexual lesbian bisexual.

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Jason Mefford: queer i’m trying to remember LGBT Q, you know what everything stands for, but it’s effectively people right that that are maybe not heterosexual.

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Jason Mefford: And it is, it is a celebration of being different and of having those sexual preferences and an ability for people to come out.

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Jason Mefford: And usually they are hosting flag right there are Gay Pride flags that are kind of rainbow color.

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Jason Mefford: Because they want to celebrate who they are, and share with the world and express themselves as who they are, and I think it’s fabulous you know in fact i’ve seen some depictions of it, maybe someday.

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Jason Mefford: You know, this would actually be really fun, for me, is go up to San Francisco during pride week and actually march with them, I mean it looks like it would be one hell of a party and a lot of fun now.

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Jason Mefford: I don’t happen to be that way sexually doesn’t matter right, I still love and like people who were not like me that’s okay that’s cool, we are all different right.

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Jason Mefford: And so the fact if somebody is hosting a gay pride flag if they’re hosting an American flag if they’re hoisting you know.

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Jason Mefford: A Russian flag, whatever it happens to be we can still like and love each other, even though we are different okay now.

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Jason Mefford: that’s kind of the one thing that I wanted to talk about the other is the fact that I see so many people that are afraid to be who they are.

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Jason Mefford: because they are afraid that if other people knew who they really were or what they really liked that other people wouldn’t like them.

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Jason Mefford: Now that’s a very lonely and a sad place to be in life, in fact, you know, again, one of the reasons why things like the Pride parades come out is.

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Jason Mefford: You know, for so long and even still unfortunately in certain parts of the world.

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Jason Mefford: It can be very dangerous to admit that you’re not heterosexual right or that you’re you’re in a relationship with someone of the same sex or other things like that.

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Jason Mefford: It can literally some places in the world, people still kill people who are different than them now, I think that’s horrible porn I don’t understand it at all.

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Jason Mefford: But you know because of that again it’s it’s an opportunity for people to express themselves to come out of the closet that’s a term that we have in here in the US that’s coming out of the closet right of actually expressing who you are.

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Jason Mefford: and letting the world know who you really are so again, you know the problem is, in our world right now is you know people get divided.

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Jason Mefford: And, and they try to put people into teams hey i’m on the vanilla side i’m on the chocolate side which one, are you on are you on the vanilla or the chocolate ice cream side well.

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Jason Mefford: Does it matter does it matter, do we have to be divisive do we have to pick teams, do we have to fight against each other.

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Jason Mefford: Or is it alright to love people regardless of what team they might play on or which team they might root for okay now where i’m coming back to is because a lot of people are spewing that bullshit out there in the world.

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Jason Mefford: People who like cookies and cream.

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Jason Mefford: are worried to say they like cookies and cream.

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Jason Mefford: Because they’re afraid if I say I like cookies and cream better than vanilla chocolate.

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Jason Mefford: That people aren’t gonna like me.

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Jason Mefford: And so there’s a lot of people in the world who don’t admit or don’t let other people know who they are, because they’re afraid people won’t like them they’ll be cast out if people actually knew who they were.

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Jason Mefford: Now what i’m here to tell you is everyone in the world, feels that way, so if you are feeling that way you are not alone everyone feels that way, let me say that again.

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Jason Mefford: everyone feels that way, everyone in the world has something that they’re a little embarrassed to let other people know about everyone.

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Jason Mefford: So what I will tell you is a lot of times, the people who they look like they have all their shit together they look like they’re, just like the perfect they got the perfect life.

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Jason Mefford: They don’t have the perfect life okay half the time they’re pretending to be something that they are not right because they’re afraid if people find out, they will not be liked okay So in fact back to the show that I was talking about before it’s interesting.

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Jason Mefford: One of the characters in there is like this really macho.

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Jason Mefford: actor okay heartthrob the person that all the women are like hobbies so gorgeous right and so he’s like an action tough macho kind of guy.

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Jason Mefford: And, and so again right all the women go to see his movies, because they think you’re so beautiful so handsome right.

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Jason Mefford: And the fact is he’s actually gay Okay, he but he has to hide the fact that he’s gay and living with his partner who he loves.

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Jason Mefford: right because he’s afraid that if he comes out and people find out that he’s actually gay he’ll get fired as an actor he won’t get to do these jobs anymore right and again.

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Jason Mefford: that’s a fictional TV show, but this has happened so many times actually in in the acting world right, in fact, for so long, people who were gay had to hide the fact that they were gay, because if people found out that they were they would literally get kicked out of Hollywood at the time.

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Jason Mefford: Now it’s not that way now but it used to be that way right, and so you know again what i’m telling you is if you’re sitting here and you’re and you’re afraid.

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Jason Mefford: That you aren’t being who you are, and you want to be a little different maybe you want to color your hair maybe you want to get a tattoo or a nose ring.

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Jason Mefford: I don’t know right maybe you like underwater basket weaving and you’re afraid that everybody’s going to make fun of you for that.

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Jason Mefford: Maybe you like cookies and cream ice cream instead right or maybe you like I don’t know rum raisin or pray lean or whatever right.

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Jason Mefford: But you’re afraid that that’s not what your friends actually like and that they will judge you if you if you let them know that well here’s something else that you should probably should know.

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Jason Mefford: Regardless of what you do there are going to be people in this world who do not like you.

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Jason Mefford: Regardless of what you do in this world there are going to be people who do not like you okay there’s going to be people who judge you.

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Jason Mefford: Regardless of what you do so, why spend your life pretending you’re somebody that you’re not when people still aren’t going to like you for pretending.

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Jason Mefford: Why not instead just be who you actually are okay now in fact I was, I was kind of messaging or you know going doing comments back and forth with one of the people that I know who is somebody that I respect and admire.

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Jason Mefford: because she is someone who is just herself, you know she wears neon colors she’s always doing kind of crazy stuff has loud clothes on that she’s doing but she’s always having a great time.

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Jason Mefford: And I love her I love her for who she is I love for how happy she is I love for the example that she is showing to me.

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Jason Mefford: That it’s okay to be me right, and we were kind of going back and forth and and I said I made some comment about you know, I appreciate your example and she she she kind of messaged back and said Oh well, thanks I had no idea right i’m just being me.

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Jason Mefford: You know, and in the in the point kind of came up in it is how freeing is it when you don’t give a damn what anybody else thinks.

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Jason Mefford: How freeing is it just to be yourself and to not care what anybody else thinks right until you actually get to that point you can’t really feel.

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Jason Mefford: The true joy and freedom that that comes from now she said that to me it reminded me right, my my mind always goes different places, when I when I have things like this come up.

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Jason Mefford: And I remember you know, many years ago, I had a business meeting up at Microsoft, and so I had to go up to Seattle fly up to Seattle.

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Jason Mefford: And because it was a meeting on the Microsoft campus they literally have like a whole taxi service that’s just.

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Jason Mefford: Cars for Microsoft, so you come into a meeting and a car from Microsoft will pick you up and take you to your meeting.

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Jason Mefford: That you have on their campus or at least that’s what happened to me, and so I remember, I was, I was in the car.

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Jason Mefford: And you know I always love talking to you know uber lyft drivers taxi drivers kind of finding out their stories because I find that.

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Jason Mefford: So much of the time they are just fascinating people you know you might think that they have kind of an ordinary job, but they have an amazing job.

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Jason Mefford: Because imagine all the people they get to talk to all the people who write in their cars at different points, and so I remember this lady who picked me up.

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Jason Mefford: And she was a little older and you know, in fact, she was in her 60s she’d retired from whatever she was doing before I can’t remember what.

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Jason Mefford: What she was a few as a teacher or something else before, and she retired and then went to work just driving you know people around for Microsoft is kind of a retirement job.

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Jason Mefford: And I remember her telling me, you know I love being over 60 now which you said that okay again here’s a here’s a woman who says, I love being over 60 to me publicly right because I was always taught right a woman is always 29.

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Jason Mefford: or 39 right there never older than that right, you know you never asked a woman her age that was what my mother taught me was polite right you never asked a woman or age so here, I was in the back of this car.

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Jason Mefford: And this woman volunteers to me, she says, I love being over 60 and I said why, why do you why do you love being over 60 and she said, you know what because as old as quote unquote old people okay now 6065 that isn’t that old, but again on a high tech company.

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Jason Mefford: You know campus like Microsoft or most average age was probably 20 something you know she probably seemed ancient to these 20 year old try she wasn’t ancient to me she’s younger than my dad at the time.

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Jason Mefford: But you know she said, you know I love being over 60 I love being considered old why, because I can say whatever I want to say, and even if I say something crazy people give me the benefit of the doubt and say oh she’s just old.

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Jason Mefford: And I thought that is just beautiful right.

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Jason Mefford: because she was so happy, she was so free she didn’t care what people said she was just honest and said, whatever she wanted to say.

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Jason Mefford: That maybe when she was in her 30s she wouldn’t feel comfortable saying, but she’s lived enough of life.

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Jason Mefford: And she knew that you know what i’m going to kind of get a hall pass and i’m going to get to say whatever I want to say.

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Jason Mefford: And if people don’t like it they’re just going to kind of discount it and go oh she’s just an old crazy woman right.

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Jason Mefford: Well, what if we could all be old crazy women and just say what would.

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Jason Mefford: Be who we are, say what we want to say, and if people think we’re crazy and that’s just fine with us because, as I told you before regardless of what you’re trying to do, or who you’re trying to be.

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Jason Mefford: There will be some people in the world who will judge you there will be some people in the world who don’t like what you do that’s okay.

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Jason Mefford: But if you are yourself what you’re going to find is the people who really like you, who really love you are going to love you even more.

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Jason Mefford: And you don’t have any of the guilt and shame that goes along with trying to pretend that you’re somebody who you’re not.

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Jason Mefford: So you might as well get rid of all that guilt and shame and just let your freak flag fly, whatever that happens to be right, you know again i’m different than a lot of people I like to play the guitar some people don’t like that right, I I get online and research crazy stuff like.

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Jason Mefford: You know the different flags that I shared with you right one of my favorite things to do is we watch a lot of movies, that are based on.

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Jason Mefford: On true stories and so we’ll watch the movie we get entertained from it, I learned something and then I hop online and I actually do research and find out well okay what was actually true in the movie and what was not right, because I just love learning things, some people don’t right.

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Jason Mefford: You know I like I like to wear hats, some people don’t right, in fact I like I told once from this lady That said, you know I don’t trust men that wear hats.

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Jason Mefford: I don’t trust men that wear hats okay that goes to another episode where we’ve talked about before she has some probably trauma with a man, the word wore a hat.

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Jason Mefford: At some point in her life and she’s taking it out on all men that wear hats, but anyway, I think i’m a nice guy I like to wear hats I wear hats, you know in fact there you go take it off, but I still have a head of hair up there and it’s funny that.

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Jason Mefford: Many years ago, one of my bosses said, you know what Jason if you just let your hair grow out you wouldn’t have to wear those hats.

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Jason Mefford: I like wearing hats I keep my hair short right that’s something that’s different about me now maybe you know, maybe you like it, maybe you don’t it doesn’t matter right.

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Jason Mefford: Because, as I said before, can’t we all just get along can’t we all still like and love other people, even though they’re different.

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Jason Mefford: So you know if you’re somebody that’s into underwater basket weaving.

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Jason Mefford: If you’d like to play video games if you’re you know I met a guy once who collected IBM punch cards Okay, most of you probably have no clue what the hell and IBM punch card is.

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Jason Mefford: But that was his thing that was his hobby that’s what he did right if you collect stamps or coins, or you know you’re a live action role playing alarp or you know somebody that does that or does Renaissance fairs or whatever.

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Jason Mefford: Just be you just be happy, do the things that you love to do and again, even if you’re embarrassed to maybe share it.

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Jason Mefford: Because I know, sometimes you know we live through trauma, we have some things that maybe make us who we are.

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Jason Mefford: We have some experiences that maybe we’re we’re embarrassed to let people know about you know i’ve seen this a lot with people, maybe, who were molested as children either physically or sexually.

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Jason Mefford: they’re embarrassed to share that they don’t want to share that or people who maybe had addictive behaviors to drug or alcohol, you know they don’t want people to know about that.

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Jason Mefford: But here’s What I do know, and this was another kind of impetus for me doing this, this podcast today, I was talking to somebody yesterday we were actually recording another episode that you’ll hear in a little bit, and we were talking about how you know we each have our own voice.

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Jason Mefford: I was born in Boise Idaho to the parents that I was born to I grew up and lived in the family that I did i’ve had different experiences live certain places in the world had certain jobs that i’ve had have certain hobbies or likes or dislikes I am the only person in the world.

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Jason Mefford: Who was like me.

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Jason Mefford: You are the only person in the world who is like you right it’s like there’s 7 billion different flavors of ice cream in this world, I mean again how cool is that right, instead of just having chocolate and vanilla we have 7 billion.

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Jason Mefford: Different flags, we have 7 billion different kinds of ice cream.

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Jason Mefford: How cool is that right, but here’s the kicker.

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Jason Mefford: Most of us are afraid to share our story, most of us are afraid to open our mouth, we feel like we’re just ordinary people that nobody cares about well what I will tell you in my world travels and my years of living, some of the most fascinating people that I have ever met in the world.

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Jason Mefford: Some of the people that are the most fascinating people I have ever met in the world, some of the people who are having the biggest impact.

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Jason Mefford: In the world to the people around them, are those ordinary people that don’t think they have anything to share.

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Jason Mefford: And what I will tell you is only you can share your story only you can say things in the way that you say them and here’s the real big responsibility that comes with this only you can actually touch people in certain ways.

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Jason Mefford: So why not share it, why not be that example to other people, let your freak flag fly be who you are speak your truth and be that example to other people.

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Jason Mefford: Because what I will guarantee you is there is someone in the world that is looking up to you, there is someone in the world who only you can help, I might say the exact same words that you do.

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Jason Mefford: But it’s you that makes the difference, they listen to me and go that’s just some crazy dude I don’t get it right, you say exactly the same thing, and they go oh my gosh where have you been my whole life okay so don’t be afraid to be who you are.

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Jason Mefford: don’t be afraid to share that with other people, yes, some people might not like you some people that you know you thought like you may not like you when they find out who you really are it’s okay.

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Jason Mefford: Because other people will come into your life, who do love you and, like you, more than those other people.

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Jason Mefford: And you’re going to be feeling a lot more happy you’re going to be feeling a lot more joy, the more authentic you actually are.

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Jason Mefford: So with that that’s what I want to share with you today, let your freak flag fly say that fast fast a few times right sorry it’s a poet in me that comes out yeah there’s another thing you probably didn’t know about me right is actually i’m a poet as well, so.

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Jason Mefford: I love alliteration and some of those things like that so with that have a great week let your freak flag fly and just be you be uniquely you with that i’ll catch you on the next episode have a great week.

You’re Confusing What is Happening in Your Brain with Reality

Believe it or not, our brains aren’t exactly the best tools for relaying a proper picture of reality to us.
Often times our brain can paint our perspective of reality with other circumstances that color things in a certain way.
Instances like this could be positive… or detrimental.
Tune in to learn more!

Transcript

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Jason Mefford: Welcome to another episode of the fire and earth podcast i’m your co host Jason medford.

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Kathy Gruver: And I am Kathy gruver we are so happy to be back with you hey Jason I know we’ve talked before i’m a huge fan of eckhart tolle a.

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Kathy Gruver: I love his stuff i’ve read all his books I studied with him a person I did a six month program where I got to actually be with him in person, a couple times, and you know I did a little.

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Kathy Gruver: Little five part video program with him the other night on manifestation and I know we’ve talked about that before we had Victoria Gallagher on and.

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Kathy Gruver: That this getting what you want, and projecting you know those desires into the future and getting them is something we’ve talked about before and in his program he had a quote.

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Kathy Gruver: That we are often confusing what is happening in our minds with reality and that jumped out at me because you know.

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Kathy Gruver: He is said on numerous occasions it’s not so much our circumstance that caused the stress and the unhappiness it’s our narrative in our head around that so I thought we’d talk about that, today, about how our thoughts are affecting things and.

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Jason Mefford: yeah I think that’s great I love that I love that quote because you know so much of the time.

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Jason Mefford: They actually one thing I was told them this is kind of a little bit more esoteric too, but it, but it kind of comes back into this of you know if you try to think your way through life, you will be lost.

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Jason Mefford: And, and I think this is, this is one of those things you know if we think about our head our heart our gut we can get into that probably in another another episode, but.

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Jason Mefford: You know so much of the time we’re taught that everything happens in our brain it doesn’t all happen in our brain Okay, and in what is happening, you know so much of the time is our brain actually tricks us right, I mean you know that you know, this being you know.

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Jason Mefford: entertainment magician kind of background to right as far as I mean there’s a reason why sleight of hand and magic are illusions right.

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Jason Mefford: And we’re able to trick the brain into seeing or not seeing certain things right, I mean that’s the whole craft behind behind magic is you know doing some of the things so people don’t don’t see.

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Jason Mefford: What you’re actually doing right that’s the craft in the trick.

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Jason Mefford: And so, of course, why would we also not get tricked in our brain in other stuff that goes on to even if we’re not sitting in front of a magician watching a show your brain will still trick you.

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Jason Mefford: And not not provide to you or give you what is actually happening in reality.

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Jason Mefford: And if you try to think your way through it to understand it sometimes you just get lost and you’re.

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Jason Mefford: going around in your head.

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Kathy Gruver: I was just gonna say we start to tell those stories right, so this you know I remember a friend of mine coming into my massage office, and he goes my wallet was stolen and I went oh my God your wallet was stolen he goes well, I can’t find it.

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Kathy Gruver: And I went well okay wait Those are two really different things like was it.

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Kathy Gruver: Of course I couldn’t have lost it.

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Kathy Gruver: Right, was it stolen or can you not find it I you know and and that’s what his.

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Kathy Gruver: Day was hilarious and then, when I you know, pointing out the difference, he actually started laughing he goes I lose stuff all the time, but he just had that you know we’ve talked about this before this reactivity that’s good so that’s miss oh it’s right there.

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Kathy Gruver: Our brain tricks us because our of those thoughts, give us our identity.

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Kathy Gruver: it’s our ego going hey i’m here i’m here i’m here, and the other the other great point he had in this whole series, is that we are human beings, we are this.

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Kathy Gruver: Human part that thinks that goes to work that puts on our pants that has relationships and then we are this being aspect of it.

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Kathy Gruver: And we have to have both we can’t sit around being all the time, this is what amongst you and the you know the people that hermits and that’s probably not our calling I know it’s not mine.

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Kathy Gruver: So how do we find that balance of the being and the doing and I I talk to clients about this, all the time because we’re so into the doing i’m capricorn doing doing doing doing doing.

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Kathy Gruver: We have to do we have to pay the rent we have a mortgage, we have to raise the kids with do all the stuff So how can we find that being in that doing, and that is such a hard balance.

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Jason Mefford: yeah because they’re they’re two different things right so again, a lot of people don’t think about that’s why we’re called human beings not human Doers.

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Jason Mefford: right but but but for most of us the being is is actually the hardest work to learn how to do that, especially after we’ve been so used to doing doing doing doing all the time.

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Jason Mefford: But let’s kind of get back you know, because our mind is confusing you know what’s actually happening versus reality and I heard you use the word circumstance right.

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Jason Mefford: is so much of the time we look around and there are certain circumstances that are happening that we’re making stories about.

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Jason Mefford: Right we’re interpreting based on our beliefs, based on our identity, and that may not actually be what’s what’s going on right so so you know how do we kind of separate because, because I know a lot of times people.

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Jason Mefford: They get stuck in their circumstance.

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Jason Mefford: Right, which again is why eckart was talking about this and manifestation right is so much of the time we end up getting stuck and we’re like Oh well, I don’t have the money, so I can’t well that’s playing by circumstance.

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Jason Mefford: Right, as opposed to well, is that the reality.

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Jason Mefford: yeah and and I know people will say well look here’s my bank statement I only have $42 in my bank account that’s a fact Oh, is it.

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Jason Mefford: From manifestation perspective, no not necessarily right.

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Right.

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Jason Mefford: But, but you know how do we, how do we kind of move from just getting stuck in our circumstances to being more open to possibilities are seeing a reality that could be different than the story we’re telling herself.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah I think so much of it is staying present and he talks about that also you know let’s let’s use the example you’re sitting in traffic right you’re on the 405 you have to get somewhere.

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Kathy Gruver: The reality is you’re sitting in traffic, but what is your brain doing.

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Kathy Gruver: I should have left 15 minutes earlier, I knew this was going to happen and had my daughter not needed to feed the cat because I told her do it right i’m going to be late for my meeting, and you know that’s the story we’re telling.

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Kathy Gruver: it’s the story that’s creating all that stress the reality is i’m sitting in traffic that’s it period and it’s the stories.

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Kathy Gruver: That our brain goes oh you better get upset about that other which I heard totally calls the pain body which is that uncomfortable feeling that gets triggered when this kind of thing happens.

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Kathy Gruver: You know if we stop that narrative if we stopped that dialogue in our head and we just stay present all we know is we’re sitting in our car.

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Kathy Gruver: it’s that dwelling on the past and projecting into the future that causes the stress causes the problems.

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Jason Mefford: And at that point that’s that’s the option again, where we have to be able to change our story right instead of.

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Jason Mefford: Instead of getting all angry about Oh, you know my daughter needed this, and so I had to let you know I ended up leaving late, but if you just stop and go hey well i’m sitting in traffic I got a great you know audio book on or I get more time to listen to the radio or whatever it is.

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Jason Mefford: You happen to be doing and focus on that present moment as opposed to you know, bringing all those those emotions from the past into where you’re at the present yeah.

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Kathy Gruver: And maybe that doesn’t form the future, you know we’re having tons of constructing here in Santa Barbara and I have a client that has to go from carpinteria up to Santa Barbara.

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Kathy Gruver: He normally leaves gives himself 20 minutes it’s fine.

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Kathy Gruver: he’s recognized that because of all the construction, he was so late, for his first appointment, we barely had time to do anything so now he does recognize Okay, I need to leave 40 minutes not 20 so that.

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Kathy Gruver: That experience doesn’t form the future you don’t want to keep repeating that over and over again, you don’t want to be on the four or five every day going.

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Kathy Gruver: i’m late again, you know we have to, we have to grow and evolve and adjust and that comes through having that.

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Kathy Gruver: pain if we will have crap there’s construction, I have to leave earlier but we can’t get we can’t get stuck in that.

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Kathy Gruver: That narrative in our brains that’s what’s going to get us in trouble that’s that rumination on things that is pulling us away from this present moment.

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Kathy Gruver: And How often have we lost something right now, because we’re so worried about something in the future, or so.

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Kathy Gruver: Still dwelling on something from the past that we’re missing what’s actually happening right now, you know someday they might leave me Okay, but they’re sitting in front of you right now.

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Kathy Gruver: And you’re ruining this moment by projecting that someday it might be different, you know and that’s sad and i’ve done that to where you know i’m glommed on to the cat because I know we have to put it to sleep in two days.

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Kathy Gruver: But it’s with me right there like don’t project to the last part of it, stay present with that animal while you have it, or the whatever it isn’t sitting in front of you.

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Jason Mefford: Oh, it happens all the time, I mean we you know, one of the terms that I like to use is that I think describes a while, is most of us go through life and a hypnotic state.

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Jason Mefford: Now, have not a states are good in in doing certain work, I mean your iPad test you, you understand that I understand it, I do it all myself all right.

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Jason Mefford: So there’s a good thing, of being in a hypnotic state, but what tends to happen is people are in a hypnotic state going through life either.

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Jason Mefford: hypnotizing themselves about the past, or about the future and what ends up happening is people wake up at the end of their life or midlife that’s my midlife crisis has happened.

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Jason Mefford: and go what the Fuck right I I missed all of these things that were that were going on right and so like you said is as opposed to you know worrying about having to put the cat down just enjoy the cat for the two days.

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Jason Mefford: Right, because those are going to be memories again that you can go back to if you’re worried about putting it down you’re not present with the cat for the two days, do you think you might have some regrets afterwards, like I should have just held the CAP more.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah I had a.

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Kathy Gruver: I had a client name Dorothy.

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Kathy Gruver: I started working with her when she was 90 she was a hoot I talked about her, and one of my books, I was she was just she did this she did a striptease that our own 85th birthday.

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Kathy Gruver: And she wore tons of makeup and she was just this.

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Kathy Gruver: vibrant like red hat, so I mean she was hilarious all she wanted to talk about with sex you tell me about her lover she was, I mean she was just a hoot.

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Kathy Gruver: And I this was when I still did like House calls and I was like a lot of more like geriatric massage so I showed up at her house, one day, and she said I want a red couch and I went Okay, so I am having this custom red couch made and I went Okay, but there was a part of me that went.

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Kathy Gruver: 92 why in the world, are you spending like eight grand on a red couch when you’re probably going to die soon, this was.

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Kathy Gruver: complete this was complete ignorance of my part, I was this was years ago.

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Kathy Gruver: And then I thought about it more and i’m like you know what if she is the fucking couch for 10 minutes.

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Kathy Gruver: Good for her.

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Kathy Gruver: You know or somebody who knows, their terminal who goes with you know buys themselves a diamond ring because they’ve always wanted it.

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Kathy Gruver: If they have that diamond ring for 15 minutes, and that makes them happy and that’s what they want in the world to fulfill that aspect of their lives.

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Kathy Gruver: Who cares how long it’s gonna last, we have no idea how long it’s gonna last so enjoying this present moment, whatever that means to you, whatever you want to put in that present moment with you.

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Kathy Gruver: I think that’s, the key to it and not projecting into this woman we’re going to have it for two days take it for two days enjoy it for two days.

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Jason Mefford: Well, and it’s one of those you know.

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Jason Mefford: We never know we never know right and so again, I mean sometimes one of the one of the things that our mind does to trick us is in thinking that we have a bunch of time.

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Jason Mefford: We don’t necessarily have a bunch of time right we do so far I woke up I got out of bed today, I know I got today, at least this part of today I have.

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Jason Mefford: Right yeah will I wake up tomorrow I don’t know I hope so i’m planning on it that’s my intention.

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Jason Mefford: yep but we don’t know right and and that kind of goes back to that hypnotic state that sometimes we always think.

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Jason Mefford: That there’s more time.

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Jason Mefford: yeah but tomorrow never comes right it’s great line from a song tomorrow never comes creedence clearwater revival it’s always today it’s never tomorrow.

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Jason Mefford: yep and and you know at different times I mean I saw this with my mother, you know of always you know working hard having the career.

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Jason Mefford: i’m going to travel, when we when I retire and then she retires and has cancer and five years later, is dead right so.

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Jason Mefford: We don’t know you know, one of my high school friends, you know same thing is, you know he’d lost his father, just a few months ago, literally.

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Jason Mefford: And all of a sudden, you know this week he finds out that his mother’s cancer has come back it’s malignant throughout her whole body, she probably only has a few days to live.

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Jason Mefford: wow right so again it’s like we think we have time, but do we really have time.

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Jason Mefford: Right, so why not live life to the fullest you know, do the things that you that you want to do that make you happy whether that’s a red couch whether that’s getting a diamond ring.

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Jason Mefford: Or whether it’s sitting around and petting the cat yep you know, whatever it is because we don’t know how much time we have so live life to the fullest.

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Jason Mefford: Up know that the TIM mcgraw song live like you were dying, you know came into my mind, a couple weeks ago, again, as I was thinking it did some posts on it, but you know if we live our life more like that.

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Jason Mefford: yep because that’s one of the ways that your brain tricks yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Oh yeah that’s that’s why people end up having regrets so much your time in life.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah or you save that thing we just watched don’t look up the other night, which was.

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Jason Mefford: Number One.

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Jason Mefford: Credit ratio what made me.

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Kathy Gruver: so sad let’s see if I can just crying because I tried to talk about this last night and burst into tears now bear comes.

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Kathy Gruver: I cried on the show before what made me so sad was the last scene, where they broke out the good wine and they’re Finally, talking and there they have a good China, why are you fucking waiting.

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Kathy Gruver: Like, why not living like that all the time.

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Kathy Gruver: break up the lingerie and the China and the good wine and that you know.

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Jason Mefford: me and because that was that was to me the climax of the movie.

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Kathy Gruver: Right, obviously.

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Jason Mefford: A lot of ways in the the the line was we always had everything.

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Jason Mefford: yep we always had everything.

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Jason Mefford: up but they weren’t taking the time to do that and to have that meal and and spend that time together everybody was off doing their own thing.

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Jason Mefford: and never thinking about it and that’s it’s a great great reminder to all of us is is, if you want to, if you want to have a more fulfilled life live like you were dying.

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Jason Mefford: yep and and that this could be your last day you know I when I was still you know pretty early in my career, but one of the one of the executives, who was mentored me a little bit he was.

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Jason Mefford: He was getting ready to retire, so we were in an executive retreat, it was just he and me and him in the bar and we were talking and and I said, you know Tom you know you’re going to be.

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Jason Mefford: You know retiring soon, what is it that you that you want to do kind of like you know what’s your bucket list kind of thing, and I remember he turned to me, and he said, you know Jason I have lived an amazing life a life of no regrets and.

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Jason Mefford: I don’t need to do anything else now his plan was you know again retire leave la go back to Kansas, where he was at just hang out at the golf course country club.

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Jason Mefford: play golf every day enjoy his friends, but he didn’t wait until that point in his life, you know we so much of the time, the shoulda woulda coulda is don’t live a life of shoulda woulda coulda.

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Jason Mefford: yep right live a life of no regrets yeah and that’s that’s what he did, and that really kind of you know, stuck with me.

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Jason Mefford: You know, especially with the experience of my mother, you know, and some of the things like that have I I don’t I don’t do it well all the time, but I keep reminding myself.

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Jason Mefford: to live life today that because we don’t know if we have tomorrow.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah and so much our brain our brain gets in the way of that it pulled us out of this present and and tricks us into thinking we have all the time, or we don’t have any time or you know.

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Kathy Gruver: it’s just you know it’s going back to the quote you know we confuse what’s happening on our mind with what is reality.

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Kathy Gruver: And one thing that when you said you know there’s only today, there is no tomorrow, something that eckhart tolle a story he tells all the time, is when he was living in the UK, there was one pub he really liked and there was a sign on the door of the pub That said, free beer tomorrow.

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Kathy Gruver: And he said in evidently every day that he was sitting in there, somebody would show up and go i’m here for my free beer and the owner we go when I come back tomorrow and the guys like no I was here yesterday, the bartender goes yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Tomorrow tomorrow.

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Kathy Gruver: it’s today now and it’s just it’s so great and the people actually went i’m going to go back for the beer no not realizing well it’s not tomorrow it’s today, now there is no ever tomorrow, so I just I love and he always chuckles I love to laugh so.

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Jason Mefford: um it’s like I said it’s just a good reminder because, like you said, your brain does trick you.

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Jason Mefford: Now you know it’s trying to trick you so just do some of these things to.

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Jason Mefford: To see what the reality is right around you and one of those great things is just to be present.

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Jason Mefford: live or live in the present moment enjoy in do everything that you can now because you know, like you said, your brains trying to trick you that either you have a ton of time or you don’t have any time yeah reality is you just have.

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Jason Mefford: What is.

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Kathy Gruver: When you can you can ask the question is this real or is this my brain telling me that and like you said this, the optical illusion is the magician Is it the other ones oh she’s not really being sought and half.

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Jason Mefford: What.

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Jason Mefford: Where why there’s not a whole bunch of blood coming out of the box.

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Kathy Gruver: that’s why there’s still people that have magicians assistance, because I think the job would have burned out long ago.

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Kathy Gruver: If you were actually really think so, but it’s it’s an illusion and that’s what our brain wants to trick us into doing so yeah I love this conversation cool yeah take the pause asked the question, all that good stuff.

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Kathy Gruver: yeah cool yeah i’m Kathy coover I can be reached at Kathy Griffin calm.

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Jason Mefford: And i’m Jason effort, I can be reached at Jason method calm so go out have a great week live like you were dying, however, whatever from this episode that inspires you to live a better life and we’ll catch you on the next episode of the fire North podcast so yeah.

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yeah.

VIP Why It’s So Hard Sometimes to Change

Have you ever wanted to change something in your life, but try as you might you just can’t consciously change it? I know I have.

It can be frustrating.

You try to consciously think your way to doing what you know you should do, but it just doesn’t work.

That’s why I was excited to talk with my friend Ewelina Szczeblewska on a recent Jamming with Jason podcast episode about hypnosis, and lots of other things.

Since 95% of what we do is subconscious, it’s a broken strategy to keep trying to think our way into change. You can’t consciously change something already programmed into your subconscious mind. Whether you realize it or not, you have to change the programming, just like you would in a computer program.

Often the problem was created by something we either don’t consciously remember, or seems to have nothing to do with what’s holing you back.

Hypnosis is a very natural state that you experience every day. It allows you to access your subconscious mind where you are able to delve deep into your feeling, beliefs and thoughts, that influence your life and make sense of all of them with the critical mind. Everything that you feel and experience during a hypnotic session is part of you already. Hypnotherapy enables you to create a conscious change in the form of new beliefs, behaviours, new patterns, ideas and feelings.

Hypnosis is one of the many tools you can use to reprogram your subconscious to free up blocks you probably don’t even realize you have… and it’s nothing to be afraid of since you already go into hypnosis every day without even realizing it.

As with all episodes, we are also talking about so much more than just hypnosis. So, whatever you do listen to the entire episode and then share with your friends and family.

Ewelina has an amazing life story you will want to hear.

When you do, you will hear exactly what you need to hear today that will help you BE more authentic, confident, mindful, and emotionally intelligent.

E248 Going to Where the Problem was Created with Ewelina Szczeblewska
https://jasonmefford.com/jammingwithjason248/

Internal Audit Training and Certifications | Audit 15 Fun Podcast

Whether you believe me or not, training and certifications for internal audit are discriminatory, pre-historic, and usually a waste of time and money.

I understand and respect if you don’t agree, but watch this recent podcast episode where I was interviewed on this topic and then make up your own mind.

I was interviewed for Jon Taber’s “Audit 15 FUN” podcast. My thanks to Jon for having me on his show. Link to Jon’s podcast episode and YouTube video below…

The times for internal audit are changing and to be successful in the future you will need to consider changing how you get training and certifications.

Here’s what Jon said in the show notes:

“In this episode, I had the chance to interview Jason Mefford and talk about #training #education, and #certifications in the Internal Audit profession.

Do you think you need the CIA certification to be a successful Internal Auditor? Listen in to check what Jason had to say about that. I hope you enjoy it!

Reach out to Jason on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jasonmefford/ on his website: https://jasonmefford.com or through cRisk Academy: http://bit.ly/criskacademy

You can also watch his videos on YouTube at: https://www.youtube.com/c/jasonleemefford and listen to his podcast Jamming with Jason at: https://jasonmefford.com/jammingwithjason/

Learn more about the cRisk Academy certifications mentioned in this video at: https://bit.ly/cRiskAcademyCertifications

E249 On the Road Again Howling

I recently took a road trip to northern California which is the inspiration for creating this #jammingwithjason #podcast.

What do #WillieNelson, #JackKerouac, #AllenGinsberg, #RogerMiller, Ivan Fleming, #GraceSlick, #BobDylan and Siri have in common?

Listen to this entire episode and you will find out, and you will be howling on your road trip through life. The fact that you are reading this mean there is something you need to hear in this episode today, so why not allowing and enjoy the journey.

Tune in to hear the lessons I learned on this last road trip.

Transcript

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Jason Mefford: Welcome to another episode of jamming with Jason today we’re going to talk about being on the road again how willing how oh.

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Jason Mefford: So you might be wondering what the heck are we talking about today is that the Willie Nelson song or I don’t know stick with me.

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Jason Mefford: Because, whatever you do you’re going to want to listen to this entire episode, because, as you listen.

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Jason Mefford: there’s going to be some different things that come up and something is going to be exactly what you need to hear today.

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Jason Mefford: So today’s episode is inspired by a little road trip that I took up to northern California here this last week and just want to share that with you So here we go let’s roll the episode.

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Jason Mefford: All right, well i’m excited to talk to you today about being on the road again how willing right so.

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Jason Mefford: it’s just the way I roll right so anyway, you might be thinking about that it’s like how do those things go together what does that mean well just listen promise I promise.

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Jason Mefford: As crazy, as I may sound everything at the end of the day is going to come together on what we’re talking about today so.

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Jason Mefford: I love taking road trips i’ve become somewhat of a hermit the last few years, some, for obvious reasons.

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Jason Mefford: To everybody out there right, so I.

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Jason Mefford: took a trip up to northern California, I live down in the Los Angeles area so was able to drive up one of my clients had a had an employee meeting that they wanted me to come come to.

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Jason Mefford: So I went up to Santa Cruz up in the in the northern California and ended up going into San Francisco for one of the days, while I was there.

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Jason Mefford: Because I took a couple days, just to hang out and be me and do what I felt like I wanted to do as well right which is good reminder for all of us right.

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Jason Mefford: let’s let’s maybe include some some pleasure, with the business that we’re doing as well, but anyway, obviously being on the road again.

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Jason Mefford: kind of reminds me of the old Willie Nelson song right and i’m sure you’ve heard it before it’s a great song right.

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Jason Mefford: On the road again I just can’t wait to get on the road again the LIFE I love is making music with my friends and I can’t wait to get on the road again okay we’ve got my little Willie Nelson impersonation on that one right, but I do love being on the road.

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Jason Mefford: For a lot of different reasons, but, but today I, and I love that line to the LIFE I love is making music with my friends and I feel that too that’s one of the reasons why I do jamming with Jason so.

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Jason Mefford: The LIFE I love is making music and talking with you, my friends, so that’s why i’m here again but.

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Jason Mefford: That reminded me too, because you know as.

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Jason Mefford: In a previous life when I was in corporate America used to go on the road, a lot and I actually created a playlist of songs that we play in the car, while we were driving.

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Jason Mefford: So obviously on the road again by Willie Nelson had to be one of those songs another one that you might not have heard of is called king of the road by Roger Miller.

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Jason Mefford: And this song I just love a little bit too so i’ll just sing it sing a few lines as well because there’s a couple things that kind of popped into my mind about that one today to to share with you so.

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Jason Mefford: This one’s a little different it kind of goes like this trailer for sale or ran rooms, to let 50 sans no phone no pool no pants I ain’t got no cigarettes are but two hours of pushing broom bison a but well for bit room i’m a man of means by no means.

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Jason Mefford: King of the road.

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Jason Mefford: I love that song anyway to so that’s it’s it’s it’s got a lot of imagery for me because effectively it’s a it’s a song that’s kind of about hobos.

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Jason Mefford: which you know were people that especially back in the Great Depression would hop on trains get into box cars and just ride around the country trying to find work.

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Jason Mefford: In going different places and, interestingly enough, so that the term hobo right which you normally think of as being somebody who is who doesn’t have a home is homeless and just kind of wanders around.

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Jason Mefford: actually comes from hoboken New Jersey, which is interesting because that was kind of the from the railroads perspective, especially if somebody was in New York City they’d go across the Hudson river into hoboken New Jersey.

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Jason Mefford: they’d hop on the the trains there at hoboken and then ended up going all across the US, many of which ended up all the way out here in in the west coast in California and Oregon and some of those places as well, so.

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Jason Mefford: Probably didn’t know right but that’s where hobo comes from actually comes from hoboken New Jersey and this whole song king of the road.

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Jason Mefford: Actually, is kind of about hobos going around and so some of the some of the terms and things that are in there, like a four bit room.

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Jason Mefford: is something you may not have heard of but it reminded me of when I was younger I worked for a man named Mr Fleming, Mr Ivan Fleming.

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Jason Mefford: Who I used to I used to mow his lawn and do some different farm work for him on his little farm that he had one of which was bucking hay.

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Jason Mefford: And what bucking hey is is where you know they would they cut they cut the hey they put it into the bales and then he would hire teenagers like me.

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Jason Mefford: To come over and in buck that hey on two trailers, so we can take it back into his his barn and and and store it up for the animals.

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Jason Mefford: And so I remember when he when he hired me to do that he said Jason you know yeah you know i’ve got this work that needs to be done.

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Jason Mefford: Why don’t you and a friend come over and i’ll pay you two bits of bail.

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Jason Mefford: And so I thought about that, and I was like well that’s that I think that’s pretty good money right, because at that time, when I was probably 13 or 14.

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Jason Mefford: I thought, a bit was a quarter well a bit is actually 12 and a half cents, so I did all this work in the heat.

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Jason Mefford: And here I was this little scrawny hundred and 30 pound teenager trying to throw these bales of hay that could anywhere be between 30 to 90 pounds so again imagine.

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Jason Mefford: Imagine this hundred and 30 pound kid trying to lift up a 90 pound bale of hay and lift it up about three feet onto the back of a trailer.

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Jason Mefford: Anyway, was not was not that fun, but it definitely established character right that’s that’s something my dad would say right is it is it gave me character, but.

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Jason Mefford: It taught me about four bits so so there’s there’s an old saying two bits four bits six bits $1 which so so a bit was actually 12 and a half cents so.

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Jason Mefford: got done with all that work Mr Fleming paid me, and it was half of what I had expected yeah live and learn right here, you go but anyway, the reason I bring that up too, because you know, Mr Fleming was one of those guys in my life.

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Jason Mefford: That I learned a lot from so he was he was a veteran he served in the Second World War, he actually got injured or.

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Jason Mefford: wounded, while he was while he was in the war and so he didn’t really have.

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Jason Mefford: Have the use of his I want to say it was his right right foot left foot I can’t remember anyway had trouble with one of his leg, so he always kind of walk with a limp.

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Jason Mefford: But I remember you know, one of the stories that he used to tell me because, because I go over and in mow his lawn he’d pay me and sometimes we just sit there and talk a little bit.

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Jason Mefford: And so again here, I was this young teenage kid getting to hear these these stories from this older man and I just love doing that, but anyway, so, so the point of the whole thing was, I wanted to share with you want to Mr Fleming stories, which was.

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Jason Mefford: He said when when he was in the navy during the Second World War, he said they come down and they’d.

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Jason Mefford: they’d have dinner, and he said, you know we always got our ice cream first, he said, you know, one of life’s rules is always eat dessert first.

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Jason Mefford: Because they would do that in the day, because they never know if they would get attacked during during dinner right if they got attacked during dinner they wanted to make sure that they had already had their dessert so.

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Jason Mefford: I think that’s one of the LIFE lessons for us as well to write is always make sure to have dessert and why not have dessert first right, just in case something happens and you don’t get to the regular meal.

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Jason Mefford: At least you get the good stuff out of life so so make sure and and have the good stuff in life so anyway little bit back back to back to the.

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Jason Mefford: The story of being on the road again and howling right howling ooh i’ll allow right howling kind of you know, brings a lot of different animal kind of things, but it, it also has another meaning for me as well, which is a lot of times when i’m in San Francisco.

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Jason Mefford: I like to go to a couple of places of historical significance that are there in in San Francisco So for me, though some of those places or maybe some things you’ve never heard of before as well, and so.

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Jason Mefford: i’ll just share with you okay and and one of those places is down in the north shore area of San Francisco.

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Jason Mefford: there’s a little bar called vesuvio you know, like vesuvio the volcano in in in Italy and in that bar, you know it’s a little kind of hole in the wall place you’d walk past it you wouldn’t even hardly recognize it.

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Jason Mefford: But there’s a lot of historical significance to that place in fact back in the 50s and 60s, that was a hangout for a lot of people.

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Jason Mefford: That that are very famous people that you might have heard of some of the people that you might not have heard of right so So when I was in there, this last time you know I saw you know there’s a picture of Bob dylan.

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Jason Mefford: Standing next to one of the windows outside so of course being the nerd I am I had to go outside and stand where Bob dylan stood right, where I saw him in the picture.

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Jason Mefford: There was another another picture, I think it was David crosby and grace slick that were standing out the front of the window, and you know grace slick, you might not have heard of.

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Jason Mefford: But she’s somebody that i’ve been listening to a little bit more to is she was the singer for Jefferson airplane at the time, so.

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Jason Mefford: If you’ve heard white rabbit that was one of the songs that she actually wrote and and to me, one of the one of the great people at that time, but, but so so obviously a lot of people like that, where they’re kind of from a counterculture perspective in the 60s.

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Jason Mefford: When when San Francisco was really a hotspot for a lot of the hippie movement and other things like that, but even before that there were people there, called the beats and or the beat generation and.

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Jason Mefford: Some of those people, you might not have heard of some of you might have heard of but you know people like William burroughs.

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Jason Mefford: jack kerouac and Allen ginsberg who i’m going to talk a little bit about today we’re also there in fact the beats worse we’re a group of people that.

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Jason Mefford: they’d come back from the Second World War, they were disenfranchised with a lot of the things that were going on in the world, and they started speaking up.

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Jason Mefford: And the beat generation was really kind of the the first kind of counterculture movement, in fact, a lot of the things that that came about and rock and roll and things in the 60s and early 70s.

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Jason Mefford: was because of the beats and San Francisco was one of one of the places where they hung out a lot.

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Jason Mefford: And and vesuvio happened to be one of those places it’s right across the alley from city light books, which again if you know anything about that movement was kind of a big deal at that, at that point in time so.

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Jason Mefford: So, excuse me, as I said, like you know when i’m in San Francisco I like to go over to vesuvio so this time I went in and.

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Jason Mefford: order to jack kerouac drink right I don’t even remember what’s in it, but it’s a jack kerouac drink so in his honor you know I got my drink went up went upstairs.

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Jason Mefford: sat down had my head my jack kerouac drink and pulled out and read the book or the poem how old by Allen ginsberg.

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Jason Mefford: And, and so i’ll read i’ll read a little bit to you, but it was you know, so there, I was kind of honoring these people and some of the stuff that they had done, in fact, interestingly enough so here’s a little trivia for you as well jack kerouac who was one of the beats as well, his.

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Jason Mefford: His probably most famous work is called on the road it’s a book that he wrote about being on the road so there’s another tie in for today’s title as well is that’s a little nod to jack kerouac as well, so So there you go jack.

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Jason Mefford: But as I said, to so that’s where the howling comes from is from Allen ginsberg and.

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Jason Mefford: This came up probably a couple months ago, one of my friends told me because i’ve grown out this little goatee kind of circular beard.

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Jason Mefford: And in one of my friends toby said, you know Jason you kind of look a little bit like a beat poet.

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Jason Mefford: And i’m like man, I am going to take that as a compliment, because people like Allen ginsberg jack kerouac neal cassady William burroughs.

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Jason Mefford: Some of these people were authentically who they were and they’ve actually changed the world, even though a lot of people don’t actually know who they were but, as I said they were.

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Jason Mefford: They were kind of one of the impetus for a lot of the counterculture a lot of the rock and roll that I love and a lot of the things that came out of the late 60s and early 70s here in California as well, that is literally transformed.

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Jason Mefford: Our world as well, so so felt a little connection there to Allen ginsberg as I was reading that poem in vesuvio which is i’m sure, one of the places where he actually had read that poem publicly.

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Jason Mefford: and, interestingly enough to the the the the group that published his book was called city lights and it’s a city light bookstore that’s actually literally across the alleyway.

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Jason Mefford: On the same street there on Columbus in in San Francisco so a lot of real kind of kind of tie ins for that, but you know and and, as I was reading reading the book or reading the poem it’s it’s kind of three or four parts I can’t remember if it’s for three parts, but anyway.

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Jason Mefford: The the historical significance of that book how and.

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Jason Mefford: There, there was a movie, that is, I was doing some research and just thinking about Alan and his life that I hadn’t seen it’s a movie I think from 2010 called how.

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Jason Mefford: So I went back and watch that this last week as well, and always knew that that this had a big significance, but got again a greater appreciation for why this was so.

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Jason Mefford: Such a such a big deal, and the reason was you know Alan wrote this I think in 1955 copyrights 56.

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Jason Mefford: Book comes out and he uses some words and he says, some things in there that people at that time found obscene.

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Jason Mefford: And so, actually they They arrested, the publisher one of the own the owners of city life books for obscenity charges for distributing obscene material, and so this became a court case here in the US that actually was one of the.

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Jason Mefford: One of the landmark kind of court cases about obscenity and what is considered to be obscene and what is not considered to be obscene what is kind of pornographic what is just art and so you know what what Alan and and the people from city lights went through there and the.

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Jason Mefford: Pay helped pave the way.

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Jason Mefford: And whether you realize it or not, is one of the reasons why we’re able to say and do more of the things that we do now.

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Jason Mefford: Today, you know 7070 years later.

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Jason Mefford: And so.

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Jason Mefford: And a lot of the things that Alan wrote about in this book.

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Jason Mefford: In the poem you know 70 years ago is still going on today, so I pulled out my copy I didn’t have it with me when I was up there, so I read it on my phone but pulled out my copy of the book and what’s interesting is there’s actually a receipt in in the book from when I was there before.

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Jason Mefford: him actually bought this book went to the beach museum, which was right there which happened to be in January of 2013 so literally almost exactly to the day, eight years later I was back in the same place again reading the same book again in the same place so interesting interesting.

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Jason Mefford: synchronicity of life so.

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Jason Mefford: Written Is that what you want to, but there’s also there’s a great police song about that, but anyway, so I wanted to.

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Jason Mefford: To just read a little bit of the beginning of how, if you haven’t read it before it’s it’s worth going back it’s it’s one of those things where the first couple of times I read it, I didn’t quite understand it.

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Jason Mefford: Going back and watching the movie and getting a little bit of the the fill in the blanks the rest of the story is Paul Harvey would say about Allen ginsberg and his life and some of the things that were the the.

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Jason Mefford: The inspiration behind him writing this makes it makes a lot more sense to it today, but you know if you’ve never there’s there’s great imagery in this and I just wanted to share a little bit with you and then share one more thing.

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Jason Mefford: As I was reflecting on my trip on the road again as well, so.

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Jason Mefford: So this is how how actually starts, it says, I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness starving hysterical naked.

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Jason Mefford: dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix angel headed hipsters burning for the ancient have a heavenly connection.

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Jason Mefford: To the story dynamo in the machinery of night who poverty and Tatars and hollow eyes and high setup smoking.

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Jason Mefford: In the supernatural darkness of cold water flats floating across the tops of cities contemplating jazz now that’s just the first part of it, and again, many of you as i’m sitting there reading this to you might be gone why.

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Jason Mefford: What well i’ll let you go back and read this in more detail if if if it feels like what what what you want to do, but.

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Jason Mefford: But let me just let me just throw out a couple of things there that the best minds of my generation were destroyed by madness, we still see that today, some of the best minds in in our world are destroyed by madness they’re starving they’re hysterical and make it.

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Jason Mefford: not physically right, just like i’m wearing clothes, right now, but poetry is all about imagery folks.

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Jason Mefford: angel headed hipsters is hipsters a word that we’re using again now, you know 70 years later kind of interesting in that, but that these hipsters are burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the story dynamo in the machinery of night.

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Jason Mefford: there’s great imagery in that and and it’s one of those things that again, you know this was happening back in in the 50s and 60s and early 70s and then we kind of lost touch with it, but it’s happening again, where so many of us are burning for the ancient heavenly connection.

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Jason Mefford: And again i’ll let you read into that what you want to read into but more and more of us now are longing for and wanting to connect.

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Jason Mefford: In more than just a physical yeah in more of a spiritual metaphysical esoteric way in this life.

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Jason Mefford: And anyway i’ll just i’ll just stop that for there for today, but again, if that sparked something in you go out get how maybe watch the movie.

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Jason Mefford: read through it and think about it for yourself as well Okay, the last thing that I wanted to really share with you today is is a little lesson again they just kind of you know pricked myself as as as I was on the road howling this last week, and what that was is is relates to GPS.

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Jason Mefford: So if you’re familiar with with California and how the landscape works it’s about a five or six hour drive from where I live up to northern California.

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Jason Mefford: And there’s a couple of different ways that we can take the freeways to drive and get up there, but.

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Jason Mefford: Because of the way that California is set up there’s there’s only a couple of ways to go and you have to kind of choose to drive up kind of two different valley areas because of the way we have kind of mountain ranges that go North and South.

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Jason Mefford: In in in our state and there’s only a couple of places where you can actually get from these internal valleys, all the way over to be able to.

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Jason Mefford: To get to the coast, and so you know if i’m driving from here to San Francisco it’s pretty much a straight shot, all the way up on on the freeway and then there’s two different ways to go into the peninsula at that point.

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Jason Mefford: But to go to Santa Cruz, which is a little south of San Francisco there’s three, four or five different ways that you can go and kind of wind your way you know across those mountains at different points in time.

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Jason Mefford: So you know, on the way up I kind of chose to drive a certain way, I like I started off I drove that way, and then, as I got closer to Santa Cruz, I I put in the coordinates for where I needed to go for the hotel for my meeting.

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Jason Mefford: And you know because, like I said there’s a lot of different ways that I could get there.

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Jason Mefford: well on the way back in, and the reason for that is because, like I said it’s kind of tricky once you once you get to certain highways and it’s like I know my way, all the way back from that point.

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Jason Mefford: Just like I knew my way from from where I was at most of the way you know all the way up until I got to the very end, I needed a little help.

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Jason Mefford: So, on the way back you know I kind of gone the scenic route that I wanted to go on the way up and and so on the way back I just you know got out my phone I put in the GPS and I said Okay, I need to go from here.

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Jason Mefford: To home, and so, of course, you know the map kind of came up with four or five different ways that I could go.

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Jason Mefford: And I looked at which one was going to take the least amount of time and I said go I pushed a little go button and I said all right take me home the fastest way.

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Jason Mefford: So, then, I get in the car and I don’t have to think at that point right, I have, I have seven intention of where I want to go want to go from my hotel in Santa Cruz to my home in long beach California and so i’ve set my intention i’ve.

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Jason Mefford: Put in the coordinates I hit go and now I could sit back I could just drive enjoy listening to the the audio book that I was listening to.

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Jason Mefford: and make the different turns where where the phone was telling me to turn so as i’m as i’m driving along and you know again i’m in northern California, so I need to go south to get back to my home, which is south of where I was at.

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Jason Mefford: So i’m driving along and I know that i’m going to have to go from the coast i’m going to go inland to the East, a little ways.

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Jason Mefford: And as i’m driving along I hear the phone say right there’s a little person in my phone tells me what to do right You all know that says turn here and go North on highway 101.

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Jason Mefford: And I thought, just two minutes i’m trying to go South I know if I get on highway one one on one and goes South i’m gonna get back to where I know I need to be anyway, what if I just go South and I thought you know what no i’m just gonna follow.

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Jason Mefford: Where it’s telling me to go, because I already put in the intention, I need to get back home and i’m just going to allow right.

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Jason Mefford: allow my path to be what it needs to be to get me back home, based on what I punched in, and so I went ahead and I went North on.

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Jason Mefford: I drove through some different parts of the state that I hadn’t been in before.

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Jason Mefford: And Sure enough, you know eventually ended up on the on the five I thought it was going to take me down the one on one, but it took me down the five.

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Jason Mefford: And I, and I made it back home, so, as I was thinking about that right is again i’m one of those deep thinkers like jack handey watch Saturday night live.

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Jason Mefford: What can I learn from this well and again sometimes when we know where we want to go and we set a goal and we set an intention and we start putting the plan in place.

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Jason Mefford: Sometimes the road doesn’t or the roads that we go on aren’t exactly the way we thought it was going to be.

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Jason Mefford: But when we just allow and let the journey happen, you know we can see beautiful parts of the state that we’ve never seen before.

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Jason Mefford: We can see beautiful parts of life that we’ve never seen before now, there might be struggles, there might be trials along the way.

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Jason Mefford: But we don’t have to think very much about it, we just have to keep showing up driving turn the car to the left turn the car to the right when it tells us to do that.

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Jason Mefford: and eventually we’re going to get exactly where we want to be now I could have I could have made the choice to say.

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Jason Mefford: I get to highway one on one and i’m like you know what siri you don’t know what you’re talking about i’m going to go South right.

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Jason Mefford: But chances are if I had done that it would have taken me longer to get home, you always have the choice and how much easier would life be if we just allow.

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Jason Mefford: Those things to happen allow our path and our journey to go exactly where it needs to go as we’re guided on our way back home.

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Jason Mefford: Now again i’m going to leave it at that point i’m going to let you read into it, what you need to hear today as well, but another lesson that I learned this last week from being on the road again howling reading some poetry.

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Jason Mefford: Be in a beat poet again in San Francisco and just wanted to share that with you this week so again, as I told you at the beginning.

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Jason Mefford: Listen to the entire episode, the fact that you did means you heard at least one thing today that was exactly what you needed to hear and you got value out of it.

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Jason Mefford: And i’m guessing others would too, so you know, make sure and share this episode with your friends and family and because if you got value out of it, they will too.

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Jason Mefford: So with that i’m going to wrap up for this week and again just enjoy the ride remember joy is in the journey, not in the destination.

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Jason Mefford: So when you’re on the road again how you know plug in the GPS allow and enjoy the ride, and I will see you on the next episode of jammin with Jason have a great, week out on the road again making music with my friends.

E248 Going to Where the Problem was Created with Ewelina Szczeblewska

Have you ever wanted to change something in your life, but try as you might you just can’t consciously change it? I know I have.

That’s why I am excited to talk with my friend Ewelina Szczeblewska on this #jammingwithjason #podcast episode about #hypnosis, and lots of other things. Since 95% of what we do is subconscious, it’s a broken strategy to keep trying to think our way into change. You can’t consciously change something programmed into your subconscious mind.

Often the problem was created by something we either don’t consciously remember, or seems to have nothing to do with what’s holing you back.

Hypnosis is a very natural state that you experience every day. It allows you to access your subconscious mind where you are able to delve deep into your feeling, beliefs and thoughts, that influence your life and make sense of all of them with the critical mind. Everything that you feel and experience during a hypnotic session is part of you already. Hypnotherapy enables you to create a conscious change in the form of new beliefs, behaviours, new patterns, ideas and feelings.

As with all episodes, we talking about so much more than just this. So, whatever you do listen to the entire episode and then share with your friends and family. When you do, you will hear exactly what you need to hear today that will help you BE more authentic, confident, mindful, and emotionally intelligent.

Reach out Ewelina at: https://www.bravingthebeing.com/ or through Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/ewelina_j_szczeblewska/

Transcript

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Jason Mefford: Welcome to another episode of jamming with Jason hey today i’m speaking with my friend evelina and we’re going to talk.

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Jason Mefford: Who knows what we’re going to talk about right that’s what always happens on these podcasts but.

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Jason Mefford: she’s a hypnotherapist i’m sure we’re going to talk a little bit about that, but she has a very interesting story too so.

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Jason Mefford: Whatever you do take a listen to this entire episode because you’re going to hear something in the episode today, that is exactly what you need to hear today so with that let’s roll the episode.

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Jason Mefford: Alright evelina, it is nice to have you here with me today how are you doing.

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Ewelina: i’m great, and thank you for having me it’s absolute absolute pleasure to be here.

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Jason Mefford: Well, I hope you say that at the end to.

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Jason Mefford: Now, because i’m all about you know, trying to have some fun and and trying to be authentic so i’m going to.

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Jason Mefford: Try to pronounce your last name correctly and i’m probably going to butcher it so we’re going to get to have a little little joke about it.

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Jason Mefford: But I think it’ll it’ll kind of tie in to to to the story your story as well right so see if I can say it right, this time again should look to bliss bliss i’d be.

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Ewelina: so out of before.

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Jason Mefford: So, well before.

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Jason Mefford: The blessed bless.

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Jason Mefford: blue sky blue sky blue sky.

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Ewelina: is black sky.

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Jason Mefford: To bless can okay.

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Jason Mefford: Here we go that was better all right.

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Jason Mefford: Now so so maybe let’s just start, because I know you know as you talk, people are going to.

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Jason Mefford: are going to pick up a little bit so you where did you grow up where do you live now because I think I think this is kind of important to the story, too, is as far as who you are and how you’ve kind of journey in your life as well.

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Ewelina: yeah absolutely I think you does, because it really impacted toy, I am as a person and i’m Polish As you can hear, probably in my accent, however, I can probably also hear some Scottish.

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Ewelina: In my accent too, because I live in Scotland, for the last 17 years, which is a wild almost half of my life.

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Jason Mefford: yeah quite but close I know the older the older we get 20 years doesn’t seem like very much does it.

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Ewelina: Absolutely not so i’m going to kind of go to do my age here, but I came here when I was 21 and i’ve been here for about 17 so it’s kind of half and half and so i’m a person of two half see if I can see it it’s because I am very much polish up my heart.

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Ewelina: really feel strong connection to that part of me, however, I do also feel that might may sound a bit cliche a citizen of the world.

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Ewelina: Because I love traveling I absolutely love exploring the world, and it was one of the reasons why I left, because I was eager to go and see the world and growing up in a Poland very much a communist and post Communist country, we were very restricted where we can go on what we can do.

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Ewelina: And I guess that’s the rebellious side of me was like okay well wait when can I go and what can I see and I, you know, and I did it eventually I did leave.

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Ewelina: which was a huge step to.

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Ewelina: A young person to see a completely different world to the one I grew up with.

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yeah.

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Jason Mefford: yeah no well because you know, again as we’re talking here because it’s will tie it, I mean a little bit from my for my background to right is that you know, so you grew up in Poland under the Communist regime.

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Jason Mefford: yeah you saw everything you know kind of come apart, if you will, and then emigrated to Scotland right so you’ve.

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Jason Mefford: seen some very interesting.

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Jason Mefford: Things you know similar I lived in Germany for a little while, and it was the first time I went to Germany, it was when the Wall was still up.

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Jason Mefford: at nine just before the Wall came down.

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Jason Mefford: There, and so I got to know a lot of people that grew up in the eastern side.

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Jason Mefford: yeah Germany and kind of hear what their childhood was like versus you know in you kind of experience that sounds like a very, very similar kind of thing in your life as well.

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Ewelina: yeah because you know I am Soviet Union part of who are part of the Soviet Union, from 1989 so my childhood is very different to my peers from Scotland from UK from the Western world relay which is kind of amazing I quite often and relate deeply with people who are twice my age.

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Ewelina: But maybe come from here, because their childhood resembled more to what i’ve experienced.

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Ewelina: Okay yeah people my age.

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Jason Mefford: yeah because they were living through the Second World War and the clamp Downs and the the other stuff that was kind of going on there in the UK.

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Jason Mefford: Time yesterday.

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Ewelina: And you know I grew up on with hydration Russians, I will say this.

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Ewelina: You know cards for chocolate and and cylindrical I remember all this, but if you speak to someone my age here is like I don’t know we talk about like you know and and I can see why because, as we changed everything was the shops.

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Ewelina: Were before nothing was.

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Ewelina: Yet there was like a you know, a massive shaft so maybe there was everything in shops, where people had no money to buy this and you cannot change i’ll go through such a deep change without problems, you know, going from communism to democracy you gonna have cracks gonna have problems.

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Jason Mefford: Well, you and you’ve got because, because where I want to kind of ask you a few questions about this too, because it’s so my mother in law grew up in England.

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Jason Mefford: You know, at the time of the war and so there’s a few things like that, like she has this thing about food.

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Jason Mefford: Right and, and I mean it’s July and she’s worried about what we’re going to be having for Christmas dinner yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Or, the first thing you know when she comes over she’s like So what are we having for dinner and it’s like I don’t know it’s like six hours will decide then right.

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Jason Mefford: yeah but, but you know what when we understand more about her childhood, which it sounds like was kind of similar to yours right she grew up on rations.

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Jason Mefford: They grew up you know not having much food during the war and so as a little girl, a lot of those things kind of got programmed into her.

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Jason Mefford: yeah that now it doesn’t really matter right but it, but it still kind of becomes a part of of who she was, and so I again i’m guessing for you.

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Jason Mefford: You know kind of going from Communist Poland to not Communist Poland was probably a change, but then going to Scotland, you know there’s but there’s still this part of you that remembers right.

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Ewelina: Oh absolutely it was a massive cultural shock when I came here because I grew up with limited 30 so I had a plot of land which.

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Ewelina: Was the savior because my mom always made jars of food so basically the summer I was like right okay well we’re going to go over the winter.

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Ewelina: So we had a potluck blood plot of land and i’m always make lots of food, so we can you know have over the winter.

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Ewelina: And so, for me, program is like you have to be careful with your food, how you eat you know, we were not allowed to the food on the plate and stuff like this it was no managing taffy you know how you.

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Ewelina: say you know, I was programmed to perceive food and the world in a certain way, because this was my reality.

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Ewelina: So when I came to Scotland, it was a big cultural shock because I left where a family, because I came here, as all pair.

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Initially.

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Ewelina: And the fridge was full of food and most of that always ended up in a bin and I couldn’t wrap my head around it.

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Ewelina: Why did they do this because you know coming from where food is scarce and you have to be careful how you go about it to a household wire and it couldn’t care less, but all it seemed to me like that you know at the time.

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Ewelina: different entities, they grew up in a different valleys to mine they didn’t see the world the way I did.

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Ewelina: Because he grew up somewhere else, so my perception of the world was very different.

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Jason Mefford: Well, it really I mean it’s it’s that way for all of us, I think right be good, because, like you said, I mean I love that idea of kind of a citizen of the world, I would love to turn in my us passport and just have like an international passport if I was.

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Jason Mefford: allowed to do that, but you can’t write.

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Ewelina: That would be awesome to be amazing right.

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Jason Mefford: But, but you know we all come from different backgrounds.

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Jason Mefford: And then I heard you use a word that I want to talk a little bit more about, because this is going to tie into some of the hypnotherapy stuff to talk about.

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Jason Mefford: Is that you use the word Program.

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Jason Mefford: Right is that you know it sounds like as we’re growing up, as we go through, and have some of these different experiences.

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Jason Mefford: we’re programmed to believe certain things right, just like you said you grew up in Poland, it was you, it was food was scarce, so you grew up with certain beliefs or were programmed to have certain beliefs, that when you got the Scotland it’s like.

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Jason Mefford: it’s totally different right full refrigerator they’re throwing out the food all the time and you’re like glad there’s they’re starving people in Poland right.

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Jason Mefford: Parents always say starving people in China right eat your dinner but but that kind of an idea right, and so, how does that.

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Jason Mefford: You know I know for you, you probably had to make some changes in yourself to go from how you were programmed as a child to how you’re living today right because you can live in Scotland, with all the same, beliefs and acting the same way as you did when you were a child in Poland right.

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yeah.

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Ewelina: yeah It was a difficult period because back then I didn’t understand any of it, I didn’t know anything about.

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Ewelina: mind how we learn the way we perceive the world and our beliefs, how we go about to have certain beliefs, why I see the world this way or.

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Ewelina: let’s say i’ve got two younger brothers and they are very different to me than unnecessarily hold the same beliefs, about the world.

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Ewelina: And to give you the example my younger brother came to Scotland, when he was 12 I was 21 again he’s a very different person than I am, because he said ality growing up in Poland was very different to mine.

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Ewelina: was born in 93 you know fallen was free democracy for don’t shelves no problems, you know government doesn’t really restricts your movements, you can do whatever you want.

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Ewelina: I grew up in a different reality so again we coming from the same household Delia very different people.

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Ewelina: And he feels very Scottish but a Western child and he doesn’t feel Polish at all, because he.

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Ewelina: grew up here pretty much you know you know that difficult age 1112 and usually shave yourself as a person he was here in Scotland.

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Ewelina: And so, when I came my world to go turn upside down because the way I was treated the way people were behaving here everyone says soda every other day, you know every other world and I apologize i’m sorry i’m sorry and i’m like why you keep saying sorry I.

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Ewelina: didn’t do anything will keep up the apologizing to me and it took a while for me to get used to this tea, to see the world through the prism of you know, living in a different world, and I remember when I maybe when to Paul and a few years later, maybe visit my mom or something.

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Ewelina: And differences between the two characters were so massive because the fact that no one really sets or in a shop, you know, or like no one like that you know cultural way of in.

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Ewelina: If you’ve been to England before so you know everyone’s like oh i’m sorry I bumped into your i’m sorry I didn’t give you that everyone is keep apologizing and no one really does that April and so.

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Ewelina: living here for a few years and then I visited fall and suddenly it was like oh no what why no one, no one says.

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Ewelina: No one apologizes we don’t say up soda that the culture should was very visible to me because I was a few years here not really living there anymore, I was getting used to their letitia and then I go on holiday and it’s like whoa.

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Jason Mefford: Well, and that’s interesting because it brings up you know so much of the time it’s you know there’s an old native American saying it kind of goes, you know you never know someone else until you walk a day in their mark in their moccasins.

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Right.

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Jason Mefford: That you know it’s it’s you know how much of the time in the world are people saying how can you not say you’re sorry oh my gosh you know you’re so rude or whatever it is right, we make all these.

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Jason Mefford: interpretations about how somebody acts or what they do, or what they believe without really understanding, who they are, as a person, and maybe why they feel that way.

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Jason Mefford: Absolutely right, and so, so you having that experience that’s why I love I love traveling too, because it gives us a feeling of how others in the world perceive the world or why they do things the way that they do.

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Ewelina: Under percent.

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Ewelina: But that’s why I love traveling because you get to see.

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Ewelina: The perspective of the world from a different angle.

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Ewelina: And just because it’s different it doesn’t mean is better or worse it’s just different.

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Ewelina: And as you say you need to walk in someone else’s shoes for either to know really why they are the way they are, and in a now it doesn’t really bother me in any shape or form because I know so much about the mind know being a hypnotherapist I understand the mind.

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Ewelina: But back then, it was very visible to me still being quite young person, you know I still had that internal battle in myself, you know, leaving between two different worlds I didn’t really fully understand.

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Ewelina: Why, that is, this way you know, there was all those questions that I had in my head, I had a long term, our battles in myself and I wasn’t happy with my life, yet I didn’t do anything about changing those because I didn’t understand you know why I created my life, the way I know I know.

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Jason Mefford: Well, and maybe let’s talk about that a little bit because this this might help kind of.

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Jason Mefford: You know I know you’ve kind of come on a journey, I mean like you said you know when you first went to Scotland, you were an au pair.

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Jason Mefford: So that was one kind of job i’m sure you had other different jobs in between and i’ll ended up becoming a hypnotherapist so we’ll get him to kind of talk a little bit about that, but.

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Jason Mefford: But I think what’s what’s interesting is what you just kind of said there that i’m sure, a lot of people listening can feel this way because I feel this way and.

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Jason Mefford: You just said, you felt this way where you know, sometimes we kind of wake up and we want, we want our life to be different.

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Jason Mefford: hmm but we just can’t figure out why right we’re not happy.

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Ewelina: yeah.

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Jason Mefford: But we can’t figure out what it is that we have to do, different to to to make our life better.

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Jason Mefford: To be different so maybe let’s talk, talk a little bit about that because i’m sure again, you know you have a lot of people that they come to you in that same situation right, I mean how, how do we, how do we deal with that.

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Ewelina: yeah So if I relate it back to my story um so I quite quickly got into a relationship, when I came here.

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Ewelina: Not realizing that I recreated my childhood.

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Ewelina: And vironment in this relationship, so I got into relationship with someone who had.

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Ewelina: struggled with expressing emotions and so today, you know i’m as guilty yeah yeah.

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Ewelina: And, but basically that’s it created a relationship that I had with my mom at the time were you know unhealthy on an emotional level, because my mom didn’t express emotions and now she can seize seed as.

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Ewelina: Well, back then, she didn’t know, and I did another I recreated exactly my childhood in my adult relationships.

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Ewelina: Because that’s how the mind works vehicle for what we know what’s familiar to us unknown to us and that’s why I did.

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Ewelina: And you know few years, then I was like well i’m unhappy, but why am I unhappy you know it’s like it’s nothing wrong with my auto ship is okay i’m Okay, with good good jobs, you know everything seems hunky dory on the surface.

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Ewelina: Yet i’m not really satisfied with myself and with my life and and.

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Ewelina: I wanted to go travelling he didn’t want to do so, I did I went to university because I really needed to do something with myself, I was like I was not happy.

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Ewelina: By doesn’t know what you know how to tackle this how to you know bite into his word and I mean it’s like like you said you notice, something is not working, but I couldn’t pinpoint what.

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Ewelina: And then needed to do something, so I went to uni university and which I always wanted to do so, I did, and again still wasn’t that wasn’t still kind of fixing what I wanted to effects, you know the rush it fell apart.

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Ewelina: In the end, and I struggled with depression after that a bad because on the one swap i’ve lost everything I lost my relationship and love the environment, I lived in i’ve lost my job, my whole world got turned upside down.

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Ewelina: But it wasn’t good you know now, I can see, this was for the better, you know at the time I was like oh my God what’s going on.

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Ewelina: But now I know it was for the better and.

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Ewelina: I got a very good job after that, and it seems our was like yeah it’s no more depression, I feel amazing cloud seven everything is good.

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Ewelina: and out of the blue, I kind of got a depressive spell again and I was like whoa okay what’s going on in here there’s no reason actually no reason to feel like this, so I fought and away.

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Ewelina: You know i’ve got good job i’ve got the money you know i’ve got a lovely House what is going on here and I started to look into it, because.

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Ewelina: It was very uncomfortable to me, you know were on a surface again on a surface my life looked fine absolutely nothing to worry about yet inside our screaming in pain and I didn’t know how to tackle it.

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Ewelina: and other side to it as well you know, I was being single trying to date and that didn’t go anywhere and after a while I was like i’m the common denominator is here in the mirror i’m looking at it.

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Jason Mefford: that’s a hard discussion to have, though isn’t it.

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Ewelina: It is it took me a while to get to this point today like Okay, this is something going on wrong here and the common denominator is me.

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Ewelina: But that really it’s almost like I needed to hit the rock bottom to kind of like Okay, I need to have a really long hard look at myself yeah.

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Ewelina: Because i’m the government, and I mean data here and that’s how I started to look into things are there, what can I do.

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Ewelina: Why do I feel like this, what is out there for me to try, maybe coaching maybe some courses and I start reading self help books.

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Ewelina: Nothing was really satisfying me like nothing was really like aged alert, but I felt like a crack the door open and they didn’t go any further than that, so I sort of light like Okay, but that doesn’t solve the issue.

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Ewelina: So it kept certain, and so I kept looking and eventually I landed on marissa here, and she just hypnotherapy and I went to see her in London and I was like whoa doesn’t sounds like the thing I need.

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Ewelina: because she explain exactly why we struggle so much because we learn, who we are and our beliefs patterns, we could eat certain associations.

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Ewelina: From basically the day we are being born, so I created certain associations were let’s see my mom my mom was emotionally unavailable to me so for me, I learned that a loving, so to speak, of your relationship is with someone who doesn’t show you love and affection and emotion.

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Ewelina: Because when I created that belief, I was a little girl who couldn’t understand, this is not the right pattern, this is not the right belief.

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Ewelina: that this was my belief and that’s why we created in my adulthood relationship, but I didn’t know that’s what I did.

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Ewelina: So something was missing something was not right because inside I was literally screaming in pain like I need the love and affection for myself, as well as you know, my ex partner, because I wasn’t in a loving relationship with myself.

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Ewelina: And that’s the by far the most important relationship we need to foster and I was feeling myself, you know I wasn’t treating myself right I wasn’t.

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Ewelina: looking after my mental health, and you know any kind of I was always accident active so that wasn’t the problem but.

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Ewelina: On an emotional level, I was you know feeling myself and I didn’t know that’s what i’m doing so I don’t have a healthy relationship with myself, so I can create a healthier relationship with another person.

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Ewelina: Because if you’ve got a broken person you’re going to attract the broken person.

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Jason Mefford: yep and that’s what that’s why people keep going so much of the time from relationship to.

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Jason Mefford: relationship to relationship right because they think the other person is going to fix themselves, but until we fix ourselves right.

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Jason Mefford: I keep attracting broken people.

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Ewelina: Absolutely, and I guess i’m someone who’s always been very eager to learn to explore someone who doesn’t accept start to squat and I think that’s really helped me because I was like Okay, this is enough is enough is enough.

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Ewelina: You know, being in the early far it sounds like i’ve got a whole lifetime or two ahead of me I need to get to the bottom of this I can’t live like this, this is not a way to live.

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Ewelina: And that’s already.

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Ewelina: helped me to keep going to keep searching to keep looking for solution because I wasn’t satisfied with what I was getting.

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Ewelina: From life because I was like this is must be more surely i’m not just here to you know get up go to work go home and go to bed actually there’s more, and this, you know, as you know.

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Ewelina: life is beautiful effort used to make it beautiful.

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Jason Mefford: yeah it is, and so you know again you, you said you kind of found this person in London.

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Jason Mefford: And hypnotherapy kind of resonated with you.

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Right.

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Jason Mefford: So so let’s let’s talk a little bit about that because, again, like you said you know you’ve been programmed or I.

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Jason Mefford: use that word again right is it your experiences over time it kind of programmed you to believe certain things you do to do certain things the way you do it right so.

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Jason Mefford: So what was it about hypnotherapy that really kind of resonated with you and how did it help you get past that pain that you were actually feeling.

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Ewelina: So what’s so beautiful about having a terrible is that we.

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Ewelina: want work where’s the problem at the core level.

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Ewelina: it’s basically we’re getting to the source of the problem we’re not dealing just with the so professional issue because we often will present itself as the problem is not necessarily the problem is a coping mechanism that we developed.

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Ewelina: And so my coping mechanism was.

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Ewelina: I decided not to open up to people I created a wall, no one really could get into me because that meant to open up to be vulnerable to be seen.

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Ewelina: And that means open to love, which I that something was never shown to me.

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Ewelina: in any shape or form because my mom didn’t do it my dad was never around my granny the person that really was the only person that I perceive and interpreted as a person that loved me died when I was eight.

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Ewelina: And it’s only until I started digging in my mind that you realize the heritage really impacted me deeply I have never associated with much pain again because I put up the wall and never allowed up having to enter me.

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Ewelina: And so.

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Ewelina: I created this wall, so my you know problem that I was facing was I can’t force the connections, no one really liked me and why because I created a wall, I never allowed to no one.

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Ewelina: But a real problem was, I had a wrong belief.

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Ewelina: might believe I have your relationship is with someone.

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Ewelina: Who doesn’t show love of affection.

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Ewelina: And that created.

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Ewelina: A struggle inside of me, because on a soul level on a deeper level I understood this is not right.

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Ewelina: But consciously I didn’t have that awareness.

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Ewelina: So what have nasa’s allows is going into that deeper level.

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Ewelina: Where the problem was created, because then we can realize Okay, so the problem is X y&z you create the disability based upon what happened to you something happened.

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Ewelina: your mind created certain association created set of patterns that we need to untangled us with in our adult critical logical mind from upon where we are now and then we can okay what believes that service Okay, the.

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Ewelina: correct, but if I can see this in a healthy relationship for someone who’s dealt with the troubles with the trauma it’s able to be vulnerable and open up, and you know able to foster happy collection, not with someone who withholds emotions.

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Ewelina: So have nurses, allow us to get into that deeper layer that deeper level of the mind where all the problems are created.

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Ewelina: store and now rolling our lives from the shadows and for the most part we don’t even know.

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Ewelina: They are they’re directing our artists our decisions.

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Ewelina: Because we think we consciously made a decision that we haven’t because before we even get to think Okay, I need to make a decision, your mind or where they went past for okay X, Y and.

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Ewelina: X y&z happened to you in our past and you reacted to this way, and you created that belief and that pattern That means we need to follow this.

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Ewelina: And this is the decision you’re going to make so before you even consciously firebird all that already happened, either in the back of your mind and then you think oh yeah i’ve made the decision process it happened.

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Jason Mefford: Well that’s why yeah cuz there’s there’s a lot of studies, I mean you and I both know this right that 95 I think 95% of my session we make our subconscious so we think we’re making these decisions consciously but we’re not it’s all.

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Jason Mefford: Our subconscious so.

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Jason Mefford: So I want to kind of put an analogy out there to kind of.

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Jason Mefford: summarize a little bit of what you’ve been talking about to make sure that you know, everybody to this list and kind of understands this right, but you know as we’ve been talking about as we grow up, as we have experiences in our life it’s like we’re a computer program.

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Jason Mefford: Right and so.

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Jason Mefford: All of these different experiences things that we have relationships with certain people.

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Jason Mefford: Everything that we have is like there’s there’s a little you know computer coder in a brain that’s coding these things into us right, so that we know hey next time I get into a relationship, I want to find somebody that’s emotionally unavailable because that’s what I believe right is.

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Ewelina: yeah.

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Jason Mefford: What a loving relationship means based on how i’ve been programmed, and so you know the problem is, you know again we’ve got years and years and years of this code being wrote written in our subconscious.

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Jason Mefford: And even and that’s why so much of the time, like you said you know consciously you were like I don’t want this, but I.

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Jason Mefford: can’t figure out why because it’s recorded in the subconscious or conscious isn’t going to know that, but you know, even if we consciously realize hold it i’ve got some bad programming that I need to redo until we actually reprogram that line of code.

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Jason Mefford: yeah it stays there.

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Ewelina: Right.

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Jason Mefford: So we can consciously all we want to say no damn it, I know that i’m emotionally unavailable because my mother, whoever you know helped me to learn that so i’m going to think about it hard enough, and next time i’m just not going to do it that way it doesn’t work, though it.

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Ewelina: doesn’t work that way that’s that’s everything that’s the problem it doesn’t work the way because, because as long as we are aware and conscious, you probably can hold to your decision to a point.

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Ewelina: Where we can stay conscious and aware all the time, because we will be exhausted by nine o’clock in the morning.

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Ewelina: We have subconscious mind for a reason you have us to preserve energy, so we don’t have to consciously think about everything that we need to know and remember.

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Ewelina: If you want to think like oh i’m not program I know what i’m doing so, think about if you get up in the morning.

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Ewelina: You don’t think it’s like I need to get up and I always go on the Left and I put my right foot on the floor and then left and then okay what’s next and the left.

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Ewelina: All right, okay next or cup of tea you just do it automatically just happens you don’t think about it, you just follow your artists on.

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Ewelina: That instinct and that’s the subconscious programming you program yourself that this is your morning routine and you repeat it over and over every day, and the more you repeat the more ingrained the pattern becomes.

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Ewelina: subconscious is very much needed, you know it helps us to store value better important information helps us to preserve energy.

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Ewelina: As we go for today we get tired, because we use mental capacity to think of all things we do things and so it’s needed and he’s helpful as long as programming in the subconscious mind serves us.

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Ewelina: To the code, so you know it’s like you thought you operate on what was no windows 1011 I don’t know.

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Jason Mefford: I don’t know I use MAC so I don’t know.

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Ewelina: Maybe there’s 11 yet you still operate on a windows five you know.

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Ewelina: Yet we expect the performance was 11 yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Well, and that’s why I love hypnotherapy in general, I mean I do at least one self hypnosis audio a day.

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Jason Mefford: that’s just me right, because i’ve found a lot of the power of it, because you know, again, to me it feels like.

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Jason Mefford: What you’re able to do is go back and rewrite that code.

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Jason Mefford: yeah right so you’re you’re reprogramming yourself you’re changing your your beliefs and your identities, so that.

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Jason Mefford: In the future, right when those things happen again you’re going to decide respond in a different way.

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Jason Mefford: And then, how you’ve been programmed, you know for the previous part of your life so.

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Jason Mefford: Absolutely, you know i’m guessing that it that’s then probably how you kind of work through some of these things, I know you mentioned relationship, a couple times.

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Jason Mefford: You know so maybe just kind of walk through and explain to people, because they know to some people hypnotherapy is is like new they’ve never heard of it or there’s a lot of times, people are like is not the thing that they do at the county fair where they make me quack like a chicken.

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Jason Mefford: I don’t want to do that so so maybe just kind of help because because you’re a practitioner in there, so I mean you help people all the time, what is what is it really doing and kind of what is it what does it look like.

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Ewelina: So this various ways that we can explain this, and one way to explain this is a narrow focus of attention.

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Ewelina: And you get that focus well, maybe you meditate and maybe you’re watching a sunset at night, and you just saw absorbed in that view.

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Ewelina: And maybe you watch a film at night and you’re like oh my God, this is so interesting and you really not paying attention to anything away from this and that’s kind of a separate notice it’s a narrow focus of attention because, when your mind is relaxed it’s more open to suggestions.

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Ewelina: And people.

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Ewelina: wrongly believe that they never experienced happening before which is not true because, for the most part, all of us experience hypnosis every single day.

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Ewelina: Because if you watch a film at night, if you are interested in what you’re watching it’s a form of hypnosis, especially if you’re tired and you’re mine actually slows down the processing.

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Ewelina: it’s like a form of hypnosis.

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Ewelina: And when you constantly watch something.

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Ewelina: And so it’s a repeated to you it’s another repeat again because that’s your recording or to a hypnotic recording when we relaxed is and it’s important to remember when we are relaxed, because the mind is more open so.

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Ewelina: The stress response doesn’t operate and the mind is more open and and your brain waves are slower than your normal and conscious mind as we speaking right now.

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Ewelina: And that’s I would say is probably the easiest way for someone who never had an understanding of hypnosis what is it’s just a narrow focus of attention so.

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Ewelina: Sometimes people can be hypnotized as well let’s say if they were in a car accident, because maybe you are driving along and you’re thinking oh my gosh i’ve got this debt to pay and that you.

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Ewelina: received to pay and oh my God they’re knocking at the door from the Bank and then boom you crashed, and in that instant moment you forgot all about your dad or your focus and attention went on like okay i’m in their car accident.

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Ewelina: And then you mind or so narrow focus on what was happening in this particular moment in a second, and please the association is OK car accident, we don’t like this i’m unhappy amongst us.

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Ewelina: And next time you driving in a car accident let’s say and you see a car might be speeding up behind you a bit too fast, because Maybe someone drove into you.

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Ewelina: Your body, ultimately, he gone to this like oh my God oh my God, because your mind goes like this is danger card speeding up too fast means car accident.

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Ewelina: So that’s other explanation as well.

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Ewelina: And, and that opens the door to the subconscious mind, so we are being exposed to hypnosis pretty much every day, one way or the other, which is done no that’s what it is.

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Jason Mefford: yeah and I like I like the way you described that because I don’t know how many people i’ve talked to you and they’re like oh I don’t want to be hypnotized and i’m like, do you not realize you’re hypnotizing yourself all day every day.

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Jason Mefford: You know, like you said, I mean when we’re when we have that that narrow focus of attention were absorbed in watching a movie.

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Jason Mefford: Were absorbed in listening to music or even like you said, sometimes homework driving you know, sometimes you’ll get in the car you start driving to wherever you’re going, and all of a sudden you’re there, and you don’t even remember how you got there.

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Jason Mefford: absolutely right that that those kind of things happen so we’re already going into that kind of state anyway during the day so there’s nothing to be afraid of from that because we do it all the time anyway right.

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Jason Mefford: yeah but, like you said once we get to that stage, it sounds like that’s the opportunity then for us to be able to reprogram so let’s let’s take your car example again right it’s make sure i’m understanding this right, so if if if somebody is has been in a car accident right.

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Jason Mefford: The fact that they were in a car accident is going to program certain things in their subconscious mind.

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Jason Mefford: So when they suspect danger, all of a sudden they’re afraid that any danger they see on the road oh my gosh i’m going to get in a car accident.

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Jason Mefford: Right yeah and so that anxiety that fear.

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Jason Mefford: And everything can well up in them right so again, it may not be a.

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Jason Mefford: car accident, but all of us feel this there’s different things that trigger us that raise that anxiety and fear into us.

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Ewelina: And it’s a protective mechanism is to protect us, so we don’t put ourselves in the same position where we got had before.

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Right.

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Jason Mefford: But I guess with other than the question kind of is you know when people are feeling certain anxiety or fears welling up over and over again that they don’t want to experience this is one of those areas where hypnosis can really help isn’t it.

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Ewelina: Oh absolutely because, for the most part, most of the fears we get into and not really fears that impose any danger to us fear of judgment.

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Ewelina: and fear of being visible.

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Ewelina: All those fears are not rarely fears that are going to cause any damage to us yet those fears really hold us back.

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Ewelina: And, and is it evolution evolutionary process because he was back when we left in.

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Ewelina: Okay, so to speak, going in tribes that response was very much needed because, once we did our part and knowing okay i’ve left the village and there’s a tiger so that means if I leave at night.

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Ewelina: there’s a high chance disease need me for dinner so now i’ve got the Spartan okay dark night out to the village no good we’re not going there.

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Ewelina: But now we’re not living in those circumstances.

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Ewelina: You know, you can go out at night at night, no one is going to do anything to you, but those fears like being visible.

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Ewelina: or being socially anxious, you know people around you you’ve got a social anxiety, we are afraid what really what happened there, even if someone doesn’t like you, what is the worst is going to happen to you, well then i’m going to like you, so what.

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Ewelina: But the fear is real to us when we feel it when we’ve got an anxious of response de stress for responses, a whole cocktail of emotions going through our body and you feel as real as night and day.

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Ewelina: For hypnosis can help to unravel that as.

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Jason Mefford: Well, and maybe maybe just kind of explain, you know, give us maybe a couple of examples of you know anonymized obviously but.

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Jason Mefford: You know, maybe have some things that that your clients have come to you for because, like you said, I mean people people out there listening, we all have these anxieties and fears that come up and they’re real to us.

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Ewelina: Right.

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Jason Mefford: You know, like you said and and we can either choose to to keep feeling anxious and fearful, which is not very fun in my book book right.

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Jason Mefford: I rather get rid of those things as quick as possible but, but what are kind of some examples, because, again as people are listening to this and might be gone.

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Jason Mefford: I don’t know is is the thing that i’m dealing with is that something that hypnosis could help me with so So what are kind of some common things that people come to you to get to get help with.

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Ewelina: And so hypnosis can have we’re a variety of problems i’ve had a lady that came to me for my gun i’ve had people come from confidence sabotage issues fears all sorts of things and and age, again, it makes no difference because some people’s like I am all you know all dogs new tricks.

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That doesn’t.

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Ewelina: And it’s not true because one of his clients and a lady was past certain age and she came to me because she struggled with confidence.

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Ewelina: So she’s lost her husband, about a year ago no friends, she had the social anxiety she really felt uncomfortable going out to meet people to strike a conversation and she’s like well I don’t really want to you know get married again, those are laughing halford husband.

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Ewelina: But I want to find a friend, I want to get some people in my life because I don’t want to spend the last few years wow i’m much she’s got left on my own.

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Ewelina: As Okay, so we started to work together and what it came down to it, when she was a little girl have Father never believed he always question tab so if she said something, just like okay perfect me.

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Ewelina: It was it shows she never was believed in the face value, she was like Okay, thank you, you know honey that’s good she always felt like.

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Ewelina: What she’s got to say is not good enough, she started to delve tests out that washes got to say is actually not valid because her dad never believe 10 always asked it to prove it to her.

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Ewelina: So she felt other uncomfortable in her own skin she didn’t trust herself she always did ask for permission to do something.

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Ewelina: And because that started when she was a better let it go at that age when we are so open and malleable we I think she says this like we are walking talking camera and microphone.

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Ewelina: That absorbs everything.

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Ewelina: Then, and have family was bullying her and she allowed that to happen, because she was like well.

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Ewelina: Well, they must know better than I do, because I can trust myself, because my dad taught me, does he made me to believe that I am not to be trusted.

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Ewelina: And she got in a relationship with someone again that agreed to the relationship has been was pretty much that you know.

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Ewelina: didn’t touch with how well and always question tash never really had an the friends and the relationship outside that are outside of marriage and having the last husband was the first husband that she heart and then again he was her hold world.

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Ewelina: She didn’t trust yourself so, so why would you want to speak to me, I have nothing to offer, and no one, and nothing interesting have nothing to say my opinion doesn’t matter.

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Ewelina: That was her.

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Ewelina: Reality that’s what she believed about her sound, but that made her feel very uncomfortable and miserable in her own skin.

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Ewelina: So when we started to work together and we unravel the that’s where the belief came from the social anxiety, the inability to see the she is enough and watch TV and interesting came from the fact that that was questioning her from the one.

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Ewelina: And now, oh my God she’s a social butterfly.

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Jason Mefford: There it is yeah.

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Jason Mefford: she’s all over the 10 raising.

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Ewelina: And, to be honest, she wanted this change so much.

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Ewelina: The she did everything that I asked her to do, she was going out to people, she was pushing herself past the comfort zone with something is Jim thousands all the time.

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Ewelina: If you’re going to get out of your comfort zone you never well she wasn’t going out to social events approaching people as much as that was making her feel uncomfortable because mind prefers what’s familiar and I was very unfamiliar concept to her.

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Ewelina: So, even when we ended our vault they believe Okay, the belief came from us and we worked on this she still needed to do the work on a conscious level.

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Ewelina: push have passed the conference and to prove to the mind is nothing to be scared of, and she did and i’m not kidding such a social butterfly and she’s such an interesting packs and so much to say yes, she didn’t see she didn’t see that.

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Jason Mefford: yeah well that’s why, even as you were describing her you know i’m thinking okay here’s here’s a lady that had three different marriages, you know later on in life she’s got to have some great stories of course.

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Jason Mefford: You got things that people would want to hear but, but I think thank, thank you for kind of sharing that because I think it it hopefully helps unpack this for a lot of the people that have been listening and kind of understand.

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Jason Mefford: It as you were talking, because you know I know i’m this way, most people are This way we want to fix our own problems right it’s like i’m big boy I can I can I can figure this out.

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Jason Mefford: But I think you know that example that you just shared she wanted to figure it out, but she couldn’t figure it out, because so much of the time.

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Jason Mefford: We can’t consciously figure it out, because it relates often to some experience we had that we don’t even remember.

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Jason Mefford: yeah or it relates to some experience that we would think has absolutely nothing to do with the challenge that we’re dealing with and that’s really where you know somebody as a hypnotherapist can come in and actually help to unpack that because.

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Jason Mefford: Like you said you were able to to help unpack figure out what it is i’m sure through some of the sessions reprogram some of that, but then also encourage her to consciously actually do some stuff too right you can’t just reprogram subconsciously and then just keep doing the same thing.

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Ewelina: Oh no because that’s you’re going in opposite directions that you still need to do the conscious work.

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Ewelina: And like you said if you’re trying to figure it out on your own quite often the ego is going to get in a way, and the ego aside don’t go there you don’t need to go there, you find where you are.

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Ewelina: You know if, despite the fact that you feel very uncomfortable and she did but uncomfortable and she couldn’t figure out in a figure this out by ourselves that’s why she came to me.

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Ewelina: And as you reprogram your subconscious patterns, he also need to do the conscious work which for high was going out to social event.

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Ewelina: You know, get to know people approach them, and it was slow and and you know one step at a time, you know she didn’t go to a massive event from day one, it was.

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Ewelina: A small gathering, with just a few people next thing was a bigger one Nixon was a different one every time she was pushing has a liberal liberal a little bit more, and eventually she was like what was I afraid off.

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Jason Mefford: Well, I think I think that’s that’s the realization and that’s the Aha that that we can come to once we actually go through the day and do the work right because again like you said but, but the fear and anxiety that we’re feeling is real to us.

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Ewelina: Oh yes.

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Jason Mefford: Right, but until until we push through it and do the work that we need to do we come on the other side, and it is like what was so afraid of.

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Ewelina: That the anxiety is not exactly the problem, this is just a coping mechanism.

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Ewelina: You know, because the problem wasn’t the fact that she was anxious, the problem was actually didn’t trust himself she doesn’t see herself, as someone who’s worthy to be.

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Ewelina: seen by other people i’m having any connections, because it’s like well who am I have nothing to say.

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Jason Mefford: yeah and that that phrase that you just said so many of the people that are listening.

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Jason Mefford: Probably are telling themselves that too right who am I what what do I have to share because we don’t really feel as confident as we want to or.

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Jason Mefford: need to we don’t love ourselves as much as as we should we talked a little bit about that earlier too right.

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Jason Mefford: And again it’s all because of kind of the programming and the experiences and things that we’ve lived through in our life and the problem is most of the time we don’t consciously know what’s holding us back.

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Ewelina: Can we repeat us started to ourselves, over and over making it more real to us and actually yes.

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Ewelina: So just just one of the store and consume and I store as and it’s just absolutely.

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Ewelina: fills my soul with joy, when I am able to help people to get passes because i’ve been in a similar problems, I felt stuck in my patterns and I was like okay this something that I need to change here about what what is it that I need to change.

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Jason Mefford: Well, it sounds like again because you, you were able to get unstuck in your patterns that’s one of the reasons why now you are helping people.

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Jason Mefford: do the same thing through hypnotherapy to be able to help as a tool.

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Ewelina: Oh absolutely and it’s I love it and enforcement and, to be honest, I always you know, I was someone who always been very passionate about helping people from very young age, because I was always against and social conditioning which stop programming.

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Ewelina: And I remember i’ve always been against certain ways I was expected to be and to love growing up when I did, and I was like know why.

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Ewelina: Either sign up for that and that’s probably why I love that so much because I was kind of fighting that programming from from very early age, not really realizing what i’m really doing because I didn’t know and over this.

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Ewelina: Well, I guess, my higher self did.

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Jason Mefford: yeah but consciously just didn’t realize it yeah.

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yeah.

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Ewelina: yeah.

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Jason Mefford: Good stuff good stuff well.

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Jason Mefford: Any any final final things to maybe leave I know we talked about a lot of good stuff today and things that.

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Jason Mefford: I always say usually at the beginning of each podcast you know, sometimes we kind of weave all the way around but there’s something in every episode that somebody needs to hear.

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Jason Mefford: And i’m sure that that was the case today, too, because of.

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Jason Mefford: of where we went the things that we talked about, and a lot of the things that you hear people talking about I hear people talking about it it’s a way to help them so.

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Jason Mefford: Any any kind of final thoughts to kind of wrap up you know because everybody’s got to get going, we got to get going to but i’d say here and talk to you all day if I could.

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Ewelina: Oh no I love those conversations and I think if you are on their hands, and you are some are like well i’m not really sure about this part of my life.

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Ewelina: And I really don’t know what to do about it go and reach out for help it doesn’t have to be me has plenty of time, so obviously I do want to see you but.

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Ewelina: I may not be your jam.

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Ewelina: You know, but if you feel like there’s something in your life that you really want to change and you’ve been trying and it’s not really getting anywhere go and reach out for help find a hypnotherapist that you resonate with.

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Ewelina: and see what it can do for you, because I.

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Jason Mefford: promise you.

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Ewelina: If you find a good hypnotherapist is going to change your life forever.

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Jason Mefford: yeah well i’ve seen that in my life you’ve seen it in your life like I said I know lots of other hypnotherapist i’ve heard stories after stories after stories it’s just.

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Jason Mefford: You know, again and and what’s The worst thing that can happen, this is what I always like to tell people is you know just just try it if you don’t like it you never have to do it again.

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Jason Mefford: But if what you’re doing isn’t working Why not try something new and just see if it might work for you, because that was kind of your story.

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Jason Mefford: To you know that you were looking for all these different things, but none of those seem to resonate with you but hypnotherapy did that’s that’s kind of why you came to that to that.

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Ewelina: yeah so you keep trying, because I kept trying those things, this is not really working for me and that’s better, but not really and I kept trying to realize that Okay, this is working for me I love it so yeah and even with a hypnotherapist find one that resonate.

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Ewelina: with you on an energetic level of it and go for your gut feeling don’t go for your head that one is gonna lie to you.

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Ewelina: got hitting go of your head how this.

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Ewelina: person makes you feel yeah and if you feel as good go for it.

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Jason Mefford: Good good good stuff so thank you for coming on and talking to me today I love doing this and you know if again if if people have been listening, if this is resonating with them and they’re like man that have Alina she’s amazing which I already know right that you are amazing.

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Ewelina: Thank you very much.

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Jason Mefford: How how’s the best way for people to reach out if they want to get Ahold of you how how’s the best way for people to get Ahold of you.

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Ewelina: So my business is called braving the being.

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Ewelina: So we www you know braving the being.com.

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Ewelina: You can find me on instagram as well.

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Ewelina: which probably is going to be hard because it’s my full name.

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Jason Mefford: Type out the whole thing Okay, but we’ll.

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Jason Mefford: be able to see it.

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Ewelina: yeah but probably the easiest way to email me where to smell them, what about whether we are breathing the beam.com and all you can find me by a second, which is my name, which is easy to find.

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Jason Mefford: Perfect perfect well again, thank you, everybody know it was nice to get to know you a little bit better as well and.

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Jason Mefford: keep doing what you’re doing people, people are out there, people need help and you’re one of those good people it’s helping other people so.

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Ewelina: Thank you very much, thank you for having me.

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Jason Mefford: Thank you.

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